ALL I NEED
Chapter Eleven

"Now, were you on any medication on the Titanic, miss?" an elderly doctor asked as he finished examining me on the bed in a stateroom provided for Molly and I. I didn't want to stay by myself, nor with Cal.

"A lot of them," I replied quietly. My voice was failing more and more as I rested my back against the pillow and the bed's headboard.

They had provided us a small suite with two bedrooms and a sitting room in the middle. Molly had already been examined and all she had was a slight cold, but she was strong and refused to take any medicine, leaving it for more ill people. She helped me to change into a light dress that she had bought for me. I didn't know from where she had gotten it. The ladies from first class must have been selling their dresses to help others. Before that, she helped with a hot bath.

Now, my body was relaxed on the bed in my new room. I was sitting on the bed and lying against the headboard with comfortable pillows supporting my back.

"What were they for?" the doctor asked, taking notes.

"Anemia," I said simply, and he looked at me, as if analyzing me. My face was pale and Cal's hand marks were now lighter, though still visible. My hair was combed and loose over my shoulders...and my eyes still hurt from crying. "I've been taking them since the morning of the twelfth. They were actually to prevent anemia. I was starting to have it."

"I see." He nodded, taking more notes. "You have a cold, as, I presume, are most survivors. You have to keep yourself warm so it won't get worse. Differently from your friend." He gestured to Molly in the corner of the room and smiled. "You need to take medicine. Your body and immune system are now very vulnerable because of the trauma and the cold, and your anemia, of course. So, you have to take medicine."

I nodded quietly and he finished taking his notes. I glared at Molly, who waited patiently while the doctor started to examine my body, looking for possible wounds or internal injuries due to the cold. She had gone to take a quick bath, coming back just in time to help me put the corset back on and the very light dress.

"Now, miss…" He gestured gently to my cheeks. "Did someone try to abuse you during the sinking?"

"No," I replied sincerely. Molly had her eyes on me. "This has nothing to do with the sinking. It happened before--the night before. And no, no one tried to abuse me then, either. It's another thing."

"All right." Understanding that I didn't want to talk about it, not with him, he simply stood up and went to Molly. "Well, Mrs. Brown, since you told me you're responsible for her, please come with me to get her medicine. This is the schedule she has to take them on, and I will also give you a list of the foods she should eat for her anemia. She should actually eat now." Molly glared at me and I nodded.

"Of course, sir," Molly said, and the doctor, with a small nod and a smile at me, left the room with her.

I watched her leave with him and stared at the door, thinking of how wonderful she was being to me. She was a better mother to me in these few hours than my mother had ever been in my whole life. And for the first time, I stopped to wonder if the news had reached them already, how it would affect her, affect everyone.

A few moments later, Molly came with a stewardess who was carrying a tray with the familiar meal of tomato and filet for me. I did not feel like eating, but I promised her and I promised Harry that I would get better. And I was feeling so weak that I was sure I had to eat or I would get worse. And so I ate. Molly excused herself, saying that she wanted to help with the passengers who were still arriving on the ship. I nodded in consent and felt a little bad about myself. I wanted to help, but I was unable to. My body wasn't responding and I was terrified of the thought of leaving the room.

About half an hour had passed since I had finished my meal and found myself alone again in the room, sitting on the bed. I tilted my head back, supporting it on the headboard as I stared at the carved wooden ceiling. Images of the Titanic coming back and forth in my mind, I started to imagine the ceiling of my room underneath the ocean and closed my eyes tightly, terrified of the thought. There was a knock on the door.

"Come on in," I said, wiping the few tears away and looking at the door. It opened and Molly's head popped in.

"I have someone here to see you," she said with a serious face. Oh, no, not Cal. But I nodded. I had to face Cal soon or later.

But no, it wasn't Cal. As the door opened, there stood Harry in his uniform. He looked more tired than I had ever seen him look. Molly closed the door quickly when he stepped in. She had a smile on her face, leaving us alone. I felt my heart pounding fast and I immediately stood up and ran towards him, throwing myself into his open arms.

"Oh, Harry, I was so scared..." I said under my breath as he hugged me tightly, his chin on my head and his arms around my body. "I thought maybe you--"

"I promised you, remember?" His voice was low, a little hoarse, perhaps because he had to yell orders all night.

"Shh…stop crying. It's over now," he said again, feeling that I had started crying and gently caressing my head and back, his hands going through the locks of my hair.

"I'm so terrified. I can't get those images out of my mind..." I kept going, my voice low as I rested my head against his chest. I could hear his heart pounding fast.

"I know," he said quietly, and started to walk with me in his arms, directing me as I walked backwards, still hugging him. "Everything will be all right. You will see."

"You don't have to leave me now, do you?" I asked as he pulled himself away from me to look into my eyes. He shook his head.

"No, I don't. We finished unloading the survivors and pulling the boats onto the ship. Now, I'm as much of a passenger as you are." He managed to smile weakly. "I will stay with you, all right?"

"You need to rest. Have you seen a doctor?" I asked while taking his hat off, and he nodded. "All right. You should lie down. You must be very tired."

"Have we exchanged places?" he asked with a small laugh as I helped him with his coat. "And you…have you seen a doctor?"

"Yes." I nodded, smiling at his first comment and taking his coat, his hat, and his shirt to a couch in the room. "He said I have a little cold and Molly got the medicine for it, and for my anemia."

"Good," he said as I made him sit on the bed where I was before. He didn't protest and slowly relaxed his back against the pillow, pulling me to lay beside him.

"Nothing can relax me more than having you safe in my arms," he said as I sat on the bed between his legs and he wrapped his arms around me. When I lay back my face turned sideways over his chest.

"Do you know how many people survived?" I asked while he kept me in his arms, his head tilted back and his eyes closed. He nodded quietly.

"About seven hundred," he said quietly, caressing my cheek.

"How many were there aboard?"

"Over two thousand," he whispered.

"Oh, my God..." I whispered back, and he held me tight. "When did you leave the ship? I looked for the boats near to my boat and I couldn't see you."

"Oh, you wouldn't have. I was in one of the last few boats." He looked down at me as I tilted my head back to look up at him. "Then I waited for the suction and gathered a few of the last boats together, and I went back to look for people."

"Was that you?" I asked. He smiled and nodded. "You're a hero, Harry."

"Not really. There were only six survivors. I waited too long..." His eyes looked away from mine. He must have been feeling guilty.

"You did what you could." I lifted my hand and touched his face, caressing it slowly. He looked into my eyes again. "I'm proud of you," I whispered.

"I'm proud of you, too." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "You were very strong, you know that?"

I nodded quietly, even though I didn't believe I was strong. On the contrary, I was one of the first people to leave the ship, though it took me much more strength to leave than it would have taken me to stay. I looked down and closed my eyes as he supported his chin on my head.

"We tried on our boat to go back. Molly took the lead, trying to make the ladies help their men." I kept whispering, and he nodded slowly. "But this man...he wasn't an officer. He didn't have an officer’s uniform, but he was so arrogant...the captain told us to go back and he didn't want to. He didn't let us, saying that he was in charge now."

"I heard of that," he replied quietly. "Quartermaster Hitchens. That was the man, yes. Well, let us say that a situation of distress like that makes every man a little out of his mind. The power of commanding the boat sort of got to him. Was he rude with you?" I shook my head. "Because I heard he was with Mrs. Brown."

"I ignored him," I replied. "I wasn't at my best. If I was, I would have probably argued with him."

"There would have been no use in that. You would only have disappointed yourself." He had his fingertips slowly caressing my cheek and his other hand was on my waist. "You were not at your best when I got you in that boat. You looked more frightened than most of the people by then." His voice was calm, but there was that steadiness of an officer in it, as if he was really angry about something. "When I saw you there, I couldn't think of anything except your safety...it took a lot of strength to concentrate on my work again," he said steadily as I kept quiet. I knew what was coming next. "Someone hit you. Who?" he asked directly.

"It was an accident," I lied once again. I had my eyes open and my heart was pounding again.

"It wasn't an accident. I can clearly see finger marks on your cheeks," he said as he pulled away, his hands gently holding my arms with me still between his legs as I turned sideways to him. He had his eyes on me, on my eyes, as I looked at him. He knew I was lying. "Just tell me who did this."

I quickly remembered all the threats Cal had made to me the day before, and all the consequences of my actions. I looked down. I could feel Harry's eyes fixed on me. He was angry. I could tell. He wasn't angry at me. He was angry at whoever did this to me, and he didn't even know the half of it. If I told him that it was Cal, besides everything Cal told me could happen, I had the slight fear that Harry would kill him.

"Please don't ask me this," I said quietly, looking down. He took my chin in one of his hands, gently making me look back at him.

"It was your brother, wasn't it? You told me he'd be angry because you didn't attend dinner. That is no reason to slap the hell out of you." His voice was shaking. He was angry, trying to control himself.

"It wasn't him," I said steadily, and he looked intently into my eyes. Think, Catherine. Think of something. "It was Mr. Lovejoy."

"His valet?" he asked angrily. I nodded quietly. "Why?"

"Because I...we trapped him, that's why. Cal said he would fire him because he didn't know where I was," I said the first thing that came to my mind.

I could see the rage in his eyes. Please, Mr. Lovejoy, be dead or missing, because if he finds you...

"What did you brother do?" he asked, looking into my eyes and slowly caressing my cheeks.

"He fired him." I nodded quietly. "And called the...uh...the Master-at-Arms."

"When was that?" He sighed, looking away from me. He was really angry.

"When I arrived in my room the other night," I said, looking down. I wanted so much to tell him the truth, so he could truly save me from all of this.

"It wasn't Mr. Lovejoy. It was your brother," he stated clearly, that steadiness of an officer in his voice. I looked back at him. "You're lying. Why? Did he threaten you?"

I looked down again. I had to tell him. He was an officer and he was Harry. I just couldn't lie to him. I sighed, and he waited patiently, his hands slowly caressing my face. If I was to tell him that it was Cal, I had to tell him everything...including the fact that I could not see him again. I sighed once again and took both of his hands with mine, laying them on my lap.

"I will tell you, but...first things first," I said quietly, and he nodded, looking directly into my eyes as I looked up at him again. His deep eye contact only made things worse for me. "Harry, I..." My voice trailed off.

"Go on," he whispered quietly, patiently. I took a long breath, closing my eyes for a second.

"Harry, I'm in love with you," I said quietly. He smiled. This was so hard. "But this is impossible."

"Nothing is impossible--"

"Please, just listen for now. It's really hard for me." I put my finger over his lips to indicate silence and he nodded, taking my hand again. "Harry, as you know, I am engaged."

He attempted to start talking again, but closed his mouth when I smiled and looked intently at him to be quiet. He always had something to say, and if he started saying all the right words again, I wouldn't be able to finish.

"This man that I'm engaged to...his name is Gregory Henderson. He's one of the richest men in the world. He owns half of New York's real estate. He has a lot of power in his hands. A lot." I paused and he nodded. "He announced our engagement to the whole of American society. If I leave everything behind to stay with you...believe me, that's all I want to do. I never wanted something so much in my life...but if I do that, there will be serious consequences. Everyone will know that I did it." I finished for a while as he opened his mouth to speak again. This time, I didn't stop him.

"Are you concerned about what other people will think?" he asked quietly, and I smiled at his innocence of the subject.

"Harry, you don't know how it works." I smiled and caressed his cheek slowly. "I envy you for that. I wish I didn't have to live with these things, either, but I had no choice."

"Tell me, then." He took my hand and kissed it gently.

"Harry, men who have a lot of power in their hands, such as Mr. Henderson, just don't take no as an answer. They're not used to losing. You can see this with Cal," I said, and he nodded, frowning as he started to understand what I was trying to say. "They're evil. He will take his revenge. If I leave everything to stay with you, everyone will know, he will be humiliated, and…well…he won't be happy. But he will not slap me or take any physical action towards me, at least, not if I keep my distance from him."

"What's the matter, then?" he asked innocently. He knew so many things, but this nest of high society snakes was completely new to him.

"Once again, he has a lot of power in his hands. And he will use that in his favor. He will ruin my family...he will ruin you," I said, and suddenly, he became extremely serious. "If he only made sure that my father’s business goes directly to hell, I wouldn't mind much, because my father himself would desert me if he ever found out about you. But I feel sorry for my mother. She is my mother, after all...and even for my father and Cal. It wouldn't be fair. And Henderson would and will, if I keep going with this, ruin my family's business. But not only that..." I paused, and he kept the same deep eye contact with me. "He will ruin your life, too. He will make sure you never find work again, just for the pleasure of seeing us miserable. Not only him, but probably my father, too," I concluded. "Do you understand now? I can't do this, Harry. I can't make everyone's lives disasters. I can't do this to you."

"I understand," he said quietly, lying back against the headboard and looking away from my eyes as he realized the seriousness of the situation. "It's not fair to you to have such responsibility on your shoulders," he added, looking to the side.

"I know," I replied quietly, looking down. I could feel tears in my eyes again. I looked up at him and he still had his gaze away from me...I had just broken his heart. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, my voice failing.

"Don't say that. It's not your fault." He looked back at me and pulled me closer to him, hugging me tightly and kissing my cheek over the salty tears slowly rolling down my face. "I am sorry that there is nothing I can do. If I do something, they will hurt you, like your brother already did."

With one of his hands, he touched the other side of my face, pulling my hair back, and slipped his hand to my neck, making me turn my face in his direction. The edges of our noses touched slightly and his eyes looked closely into mine.

"I love you," he whispered to me, smiling, and I closed my eyes, feeling the tears falling faster. "It doesn't matter how much power someone else has. He will never be able to change that."

Out of all the things I wanted him to say, he said the only one that I was hoping he would not say. I felt as if the ground had been pulled out from under my feet and that I was falling into a great abyss with no way out.

I felt him turning his face sideways and his sweet kiss on my lips between the salty tears as he slipped his other hand to my waist, taking it strongly as the kiss intensified when I had put both of my hands around his neck. Slowly, he made me turn, and carefully, without stopping the kiss, he lay me down on the bed. His body was slightly over mine as he supported himself with his other hand while his hand on my waist went up to carefully to touch my cheek as he finished the kiss gently.

I had both of my hands still on his neck as he started to gently kiss my cheek, going to my neck and my shoulders as his hand went down to my waist, squeezing the right side as if trying to bypass some kind of security. He could now clearly feel my heart pounding, as I could also feel his against me, but his movements were gentle and careful. His hand slipped to my right leg as I bent my knee slowly up. He lifted the hem of my dress carefully and I felt his warm hand on my leg, against my skin, while he still kissed my neck gently. This was our last chance, and I would do nothing in the world to stop it.

Chapter Twelve
Stories