ALL I NEED
Chapter Twelve

I felt a warm kiss on my shoulder and shivered quietly at the quiet, steady breathing on my neck. My eyes opened slowly and I blinked to focus my vision. I was lying on my bed and a weak yellow light coming from a lamp on the small table beside the bed illuminated part of the room.

"Good evening," Harry whispered in my ear and I felt his hand on mine, in front of my body under the silk sheets and warm blankets.

"Good evening," I whispered back and turned around to face him. He smiled and touched my hair carefully, putting it behind my ears as I supported my head on my hand, exactly like he was doing.

"How are you feeling?" he whispered as his fingers slowly touched my cheeks.

"In heaven." I smiled and he smiled back, bending over to kiss my forehead and taking my free hand in his. "I love you," I whispered as his lips touched my forehead.

"I love you, too," he whispered back, his lips touching my forehead as he spoke.

There was silence as he lay back on the bed again and pulled me to rest my head on his chest. I could hear his calm heartbeat as he rubbed my back gently with one of his hands. His other hand was on his chest as I played with his fingers with my own hand.

"What will happen when we dock in New York?" I asked quietly after a few moments of silence. Only our calm breathing could be heard, plus a few noises coming from outside the room.

"Do you mean related to the Titanic?" he asked, stopping his hand on my shoulder, while I kept touching his other hand with my fingers. I nodded. "I believe we will all be required to attend a hearing."

"What for?" I didn't know how these things worked at all. He intertwined his fingers with mine.

"With the hearing the people in charge will know what led the Titanic to sink," he explained carefully.

"And do you know exactly what happened?" I asked quietly. He laughed very briefly. "Why did you laugh?" I smiled, tilting my head back for a second to look up at him.

"You sound like a very curious child with all these questions." He smiled back at me and kissed the top of my head. "It hit an iceberg." I nodded quietly, returning my head to his chest. "We were receiving ice warnings for a while, but the captain ignored them and ordered more speed."

"Why?" I frowned, my eyes closed, just listening to his voice and feeling his warm body against mine.

"Well, rumor has it that Bruce Ismay was putting some pressure on the captain to surprise everyone and arrive in New York before the scheduled time, to make headlines in the papers about the Titanic's speed." His voice sounded thoughtful, concerned.

"Why would the captain listen to him?" I asked, still frowning, with my eyes closed. I felt him shrugging his shoulders for a moment.

"That's a very good question," he replied. Now, he was the one playing gently with my fingers on his chest. "Captain Smith was retiring after this voyage. I believe Ismay made up his mind to make it unforgettable."

"It is unforgettable now," I said, and he nodded. "Did he survive?"

"The captain?" he asked, and I nodded. "No, but Ismay did."

"Did he?" I lifted my head again to look at him and he looked down at me. "Will you, the officers, tell the whole thing about him and the captain at the hearings?"

"Yes." He nodded. "But I fear that most of the officers may back out, afraid to lose their jobs."

"Mr. Murdoch doesn't seem like a person who would back out in a situation like that," I said. He really didn't seem so. But suddenly, Harry's eyes looked away from me.

"He didn't make it," he said quietly, looking at the floor.

"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry." I bent over and kissed his right cheek. I felt a stab in my heart. If I, who didn't really know Mr. Murdoch, felt bad about his loss, I could only imagine what Harry felt. He nodded and smiled faintly, looking back at me.

"Moody didn't make it either," he said. His voice was distant. His eyes were clearly sad. "Neither did Henry Wilde, our chief officer."

"I'm really sorry." I tried to support him, but I didn't know what to do. I'd never had to go through a situation of great loss like this. "I'm sure they will be remembered."

"Yes, they will." He smiled as I gave him another soft kiss on the cheek. "We will make sure they'll be remembered at the hearing. They are true heroes."

"You are, too. You and all the other officers are heroes, all of you," I said when I lay my head on his chest again, his fingers still intertwined with mine. "You saved seven hundred people, after all."

"We could have saved many more or prevented everything," he said. It seemed like he was talking to himself, releasing his thoughts.

"You did what you could. Don't blame yourself for the actions of others," I said, closing my eyes, his hand slowly touching my shoulder. "It was an accident, yes...it could have been prevented, but it wasn't up to you."

"You're right," he whispered. "And we don't have to talk about this now. I'm sure this will be very talked about when we dock in New York, so I think it's best for us both just to enjoy each other's company for now."

"While we can," I whispered, remembering the unfortunate fact that all of this would be over soon. I felt him nodding and sighing while he pulled me against him, as if afraid I would leave him at that exact moment.

Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if I had never gone on board the Titanic, but then I would feel Harry's warm embrace around me and this thought would suddenly vanish from my mind. I would live through all of this again if I could.

*****

"Catherine, dear, good morning!" Molly entered the room while a stewardess helped me with my corset. "You do seem like you had a lovely night." She smiled, looking into my eyes.

"Yes. We had a lovely night." I blushed a little, looking at her and smiling shyly. "I think we both deserved it after everything we had to go through."

"Sure. I agree." Molly nodded, and then she looked at the closed door and back at me. "You know, your brother wanted to talk to you yesterday. I could make him back off then, but I can't hold him away from you for too long."

"I know." I looked down, lifting my arms so the stewardess could put the light dress on me. "I will talk to him today."

"That's good, because he's waiting for you in the sitting room," she said suddenly. Apparently she wanted to test me before telling me that he was actually already waiting for me.

"All right. I have to face him." I pulled my hair to one side so the stewardess could finish hooking and buttoning the dress. "Done?" I asked, letting my hair loose. She nodded.

I sighed and looked at Molly. She nodded her head as a sign for me to go on. I took a long white coat and put it on, leaving it unbuttoned and walking towards the door. I put my hand on the doorknob and gave another long sigh, opening it and leaving the room.

"Catherine." Cal's voice cut the brief silence as I closed the door and looked back at him. He was standing in the middle of the room, dressed in a fine tuxedo. I nodded in silence and walked towards a couch, sitting and gesturing for him to sit.

"Please, sit down," I said politely, but he shook his head.

"I just wanted to make sure you are all right," he stated coolly, looking into my eyes.

"Well, I've been better," I said dryly, staring back into his dark eyes. "But I am fine. Thank you for your concern. I hope you're fine, too."

"I will be fine," he replied. "Rose did not survive."

"Oh, I'm sorry." I widened my eyes for a moment. "Sorry for her, of course," I added. He looked at me as if I had just insulted him, and I had, in a way.

"Look, we cannot live like this. I'm your brother!" he shouted, as if he had been keeping it inside of him for too long.

"It's a shame you did not remember this little blood fact when you started beating me, isn't it?" I replied dryly, looking at him in disgust.

"It was for your own good," he replied, looking me over. He would never accept that he was wrong.

"My own good? I’d believe for your own good. My whole life is for your own good. Have you noticed that?" My voice rose, shaking a little. "Whatever I do with my life, it has always some good in it for you and our parents, but never for me."

"So, you don't believe that having a wealthy life is good for you?" he asked blandly.

"No. Not if it means that everything else will be ignored. Unlike you, Cal, I have feelings, strong feelings." I had stood up by then.

"I see. It is that officer, isn't it?" he asked, still looking at me blandly, a kind of disgust in his expression. "Well, Catherine, you already know where your choices can lead. Now, it's up to you to decide whether you want your own momentary happiness while you disgrace others, even your officer's happiness and later on yours, or you will do what is right."

He had his hand on my arm. He wasn't hurting me, but he had shaken me a little, as if trying to make me understand. I stared into his dark eyes in disbelief. I couldn't believe that he would tell me everything like that, like it was easy for me to decide, as if it was really for my own good. While I was thinking of pulling my arm away from him, a steady and strong Welsh accented voice called from the door of the suite.

"Mr. Hockley, you’d better let go of her now." Harry's voice cut the silence and we both looked toward the door to find him there, looking at us. He didn't seem very pleased. Immediately, Cal released me and Harry walked into the room, stopping at my side.

"It's good to see you here. I was hoping to talk to you," Harry added.

Cal seemed as impressed as I was. I looked at Harry, who had his hand on my waist, standing by my side. He seemed to be concentrating as hard as when he was helping Mr. Murdoch load the boats. He stared into Cal's eyes intently. I looked at Cal, who had his mouth open as if he was ready to say something, but he had just lost his train of thought.

"If you think--" Cal started, but suddenly was cut off by Harry.

"I'm not thinking anything. The one thinking here is you...but I can clear your mind by saying that no, I'm not hoping to talk to you about Catherine's choices for the near future," he said steadily, and I kept my eyes on him. What on earth was he trying to do? "I'm here to let you know that if you lay your hands on her one more time to hurt her, you will regret it for the rest of your life," Harry added, and Cal shot me a look. Oh, no. He had told me not tell Harry about what he had done to me.

"Is that a threat?" Cal asked, looking from my eyes to Harry’s. "Is it?"

"It's a warning, not a threat," Harry said. "You can listen to it or you can ignore it. I'm well aware that you threatened Catherine, telling her not to tell me anything or there would be consequences, probably to my job. Well, the ship sank. There isn't really anything you can do right now, is there? But I can, and will, report you to the officers here if you lay your hands on her, and let us just say that it won't be good for you, will it?" Harry kept going, his voice as steady as ever while Cal just stared at him. "I mean, there will already be plenty of press about you when you dock in New York, and then, if they suddenly find out that you abused your sister during the voyage, even after the horrible sinking…I don't think your parents will like to hear about that, or your business partners."

Cal opened his mouth one more time to say something and shot me a look again. I swallowed dryly and looked from him to Harry. Harry was playing the same game as Cal now, and using his cards. The whole thing was like a game of chess. If Cal did something to me, Harry would report him. If Harry reported him, Cal would be angry and would make him lose his job. If left to live with Harry, Mr. Henderson would destroy everything dear to me. If I lived with Mr. Henderson, I would be unhappy for the rest of my life.

"I just want to let you know that no matter what you do to me, you can't and you won't live with her," Cal said angrily, but kept his low, controlled tone of voice. "She knows very well what could happen to everybody if she stays with you."

"I'm aware of that." Harry nodded courteously. "But that is not the subject of this conversation. While we're on board this ship, there isn't anything you can do to harm her or to keep her away from me. Here I have the advantage, Mr. Hockley, so I set the rules. I already told them to you. I hope I made myself clear."

Cal was in shock. He looked at Harry, then at me, then Harry, and then to me again. I simply stared from one to the other as they spoke.

"I will see you when we dock, Catherine," Cal said, and I nodded quietly. With that, he left the room without looking back.

Chapter Thirteen
Stories