ALL I NEED
Chapter Fifteen

"Order!" the senator shouted as I kept my eyes fixed on Harry. I could hear people talking loudly and saw more flashes. "I said, order!" the senator shouted again. The noise started fading away until it came to a complete stop.

Harry was with an officer in uniform beside Mr. Lightoller who looked from him to me a few times, trying not to be so obvious, but he knew about us and he probably knew this was the first time we had seen each other since we docked in New York. Harry was serious, though he looked intently at me. That deep eye contact gave me that sense of security that I loved so much.

A man approached me with a Bible, and that was the first time I looked away from Harry to face the man as the senator spoke up again.

"Miss Hockley, put your left hand on the Bible and raise your right hand," he said, and I followed his directions. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"I swear," I said clearly. My soft voice echoed through the room, silent except for the press taking notes and the woman typing everything.

"All right, then. We shall start," Mr. Alden Smith spoke as the man left with the Bible. "Please state your name."

"Catherine Hockley," I replied. My eyes moved over Harry for a second again. Catherine, keep your head straight, I repeated in my mind times.

"Date and place of birth?"

"November 6, 1893," I said, and took a small pause, keeping my head straight, avoiding looking at Harry. "In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. United States of America."

"Please state the names of your parents."

"Nathaniel Hockley and Heather Marie Hockley," I said, and set my eyes on my parents, who were watching me carefully.

I heard the senator flipping a few papers and there was an uncomfortable silence. I looked at Harry one more time and he remained serious, looking at me. It was easier for him to look at me, since everyone else was looking at me, but I could feel each of my movements carefully watched by my family and Mr. Henderson.

"We can see here that you went aboard the RMS Titanic on April tenth. Is that correct, Miss Hockley?" the senator spoke again.

"Yes, sir."

"What was the reason for your voyage, Miss Hockley?"

"I was returning home after a few months in Europe with my brother, Caledon Hockley, his fiancée, Rose DeWitt Bukater, and her mother, Ruth DeWitt Bukater," I answered, and just then I stopped to think what could have happened to Rose's mother.

"Can you tell us all of the happenings involving you on April fourteenth, Miss Hockley?"

"Certainly," I answered, and looked up at him. He nodded for me to keep going. "I was feeling sick on the morning of April fourteenth," I started, without looking at Harry. "My brother recommended me to stay resting in my room, and so I did for the rest of the day. My maid, Miss Trudy Bolt, brought me my meals during the day."

"You did not leave your stateroom throughout the whole day?" the senator asked.

"No, sir," I said after clearing my throat.

"Go on," he said.

"I was sleeping when I heard someone entering the suite, the sitting room." I tried not to grin. I looked at the man who had brought me the Bible and automatically thought, I will go to hell.

"I thought it was my brother, Caledon, or maybe his fiancée or her mother. I stood up and left my room, and then I remember finding a person who was robbing my brother's safe." My voice was so steady and clear that even I was starting to believe myself. "The person fought me. Unfortunately, I blacked out and I can't remember who it was."

There was a long silence with only a few whispers around the room, and when I looked at Harry again, he was frowning, actually frowning in disbelief as he kept his eyes on me. I avoided eye contact with him and stared at the audience.

"You do not remember the person who robbed your brother?" the senator asked. I denied remembering and he took notes. "Did he abuse you, Miss Hockley?"

"Yes," I said firmly. "He physically harassed me." There was a slight oh of horror in the audience. Jesus Christ. I really am going to hell. I couldn't even face Harry, though I'm sure he knew why I was doing this. I set my eyes on my parents and Mr. Henderson and they were just as shocked as the rest of the people.

"What happened next, Miss Hockley?"

"I fainted," I said, looking away from my parents. "I woke up to a very strong shudder, and just then, my brother and his valet, Spicer Lovejoy, found me in the sitting room."

"We have here a testimonial from one of the Titanic’s crewmen that was taking care of the robbery in your suite that you were in state of shock, screaming, when they arrived. Is that correct, Miss Hockley?"

"That is correct, sir."

"He also said you left the suite right away."

"I did, sir."

"What for, Miss Hockley?" the senator asked, taking notes. I quickly remembered Cal's excuse when I left the suite.

"I was in state of shock. I needed fresh air." I stuck with it.

"Where did you go exactly, Miss Hockley?" he asked.

"To the open deck. As I said, I needed fresh air." I looked at Harry. He was frowning, looking intently at me.

"Go on," the senator said.

"That's when I found Mr. Murdoch and a lot of crewmen preparing the boats." I kept going, looking away from Harry then. "He ordered me to go inside and get a lifebelt, and then go back outside to get into a boat. I followed his orders, and inside I met Mrs. Margaret Brown. She helped me to find a lifebelt and went with me outside when they ordered us to. That was when I saw my brother, his fiancée, and her mother again."

"Who was loading the boats that you can remember, Miss Hockley?"

"Officer Lightoller, Officer Murdoch, and Officer Harold Lowe." I glanced at him, almost calling him Harry, and he looked down, trying not to smile. "Those are the ones who I can remember, sir. But there were more."

"Go on, please," the senator said, once again taking notes.

"Mrs. Brown directed me to a lifeboat that was being loaded by Officer Lightoller." I looked at Mr. Lightoller beside Harry and he managed a small nod.

"Mr. Lightoller said in his testimonial that women were reluctant to go aboard the lifeboats, Miss Hockley. Do you confirm his statement?"

"Yes. I was one of them." I nodded and looked at my mother in time to catch her with a horrified look. "Everyone was confused, sir. People did not realize that the ship was actually sinking. Many were thinking it was just a test of the lifeboats or something of that sort."

"Go on." The senator gestured when I looked at him. "How did you get into the lifeboat, then, Miss Hockley?"

"Officer Lowe made sure I went aboard, sir." I looked at Harry and he smiled slightly, nodding his head. I looked for a moment at my parents and Mr. Henderson and they also had their eyes on him.

I wasn't saying anything wrong, was I? Harry made sure that a lot of people got into the lifeboats. There was nothing wrong with it. And they did not have to know why and how he did that for me.

"Very well," the senator said after a brief silence. "Here it says you were aboard Boat 6. Is that correct, Miss Hockley?"

"I honestly can't remember, sir. But the person in charge was Quartermaster Hitchens." I looked at the man called Hitchens. He was sitting a few seats behind Harry.

"Boat 6, then," the senator said, looking at a sheet of paper. "Boat 6 was ordered to go back to the ship by the captain. The orders where not followed. Do you remember this, Miss Hockley?" I confirmed that I did. "Can you tell us why the orders were not followed?"

"The women in the boat were willing to go back to help, but Mr. Hitchens did not let us, saying that he was in charge of the boat. If I may point out, he was extremely rude to all of us, especially Margaret Brown, who was trying hard to convince everyone to help," I stated clearly and all eyes set on Mr. Hitchens, who muttered something. Harry immediately shot a killing look at him.

There was a silence while the senator took more notes and Harry kept his killing look on Hitchens, probably due to whatever he muttered. Mr. Lightoller whispered something to Harry that made him straighten his head again. What ever Hitchens had said, it had not pleased Harry.

"Go on, Miss Hockley," the senator said once again.

"Then we had nothing to do but wait. Mrs. Brown helped the few crewmen in the boat to row away from the suction and a few women joined her, including me in the beginning, but I was already somewhat traumatized by the events of that day and wasn't able to help very much." I paused and looked at my parents, who were watching me carefully. "Then the Titanic sank and we started to hear people screaming for help. Once again, Mrs. Brown tried to get the other ladies to help her to go back, since our boat wasn't too filled up, and once again, Mr. Hitchens was rude to her," I said, and once again, Mr. Hitchens muttered something again, this time when Harry was almost turning to look at him. Lightoller tugged on his coat and whispered something to him before he turned and he kept his head straight, watching me.

"Go on, Miss Hockley," the senator said, taking notes.

"I tried to rest, and Mrs. Brown kindly took care of me. The sun was already rising when I sort of woke up and found that we were rowing towards the Carpathia," I added. "Then we were taken aboard, where I stayed under the care of Mrs. Brown, who became my close friend, until we docked in New York." I looked at Harry and he nodded slightly, probably at the fact that I did not mention him, for obvious reasons.

"Very well." The senator took more notes and I waited patiently, looking at Harry every now and then, but trying to keep my head straight.

*****

The hearing ended a few minutes later when the senator asked Lord Mersey if he had anymore questions and he said that he did not. Then he asked if I had any thoughts I wanted to share and I also said that I did not, since I was dying to leave that room. It was very hard for me to be in the same room as Harry and not be able to even look at him. With that, I left the room under flashbulbs and was directed to the room where I was before with Cal, Molly, and Madeleine.

"How was it?" Cal asked as soon as I entered the room.

"It was all right, I guess," I said quietly as Mrs. Brown approached me with a glass of water. "They asked me to narrate the events of April fourteenth."

"And...you did, right?" Cal looked intently at me. I knew what he was talking about and just nodded, taking a sip of water. "Good, then."

I sat on a couch and Molly informed me that we couldn't leave until the four of us had been heard. A few moments later, the police officer came and called my brother to testify this time. He went with him and I looked at Molly as soon as he left.

"I almost died in there." I released the thought that was killing me, holding the glass of water with both hands while sitting. I shot a look at the other officer watching us and then looked at Molly. "Harry was there," I whispered.

"But of course he's there." She almost laughed, sitting by my side, Madeleine beside her. "He's one of the Titanic’s officers, remember?" she joked.

"Yes, but I wasn't expecting that he would actually...be there," I said, looking away from her eyes. "It was so difficult not to look at him."

"Oh, it's difficult for a lot of women not to look at him, dear," she said with a laugh, and I looked at her, smiling softly. "You haven't talked to him since we arrived, I suppose." I shook my head. "Hmm..." she noted, looking at the police officer paying attention to our conversation.

With the officer watching our conversation, we made only a small talk about irrelevant things. I found out that John Jacob Astor did not survive the sinking and that Madeleine was left alone with his millions and pregnant with his baby. I wasn't very sure if she was actually sad about it, but I did not say anything. Molly said her son, who was the reason why she was returning to America on the Titanic, was feeling better after his illness and that she would return to her home after the hearings, but whenever she visited New York or Pittsburgh, she would visit me.

*****

Cal’s hearing went on for about an hour, and when he finally entered the room again, he informed us that there would be a short break of fifteen minutes before they would go on with Molly and Madeleine, and that we could not leave the room. However, Molly left through the same corridor that connected us to the hearing and came back a few minutes later, asking me to go with her to the ladies’ room. I stood up and followed her down the corridor, passing the door to the courtroom and stopping beside another door in front of the ladies’ room.

"Aren't we--" I pointed to the door and she made a gesture for me to be quiet. I frowned and felt a hand taking my wrist from behind me. I jumped, scared, and looked back when the owner of the hand pulled me inside the other room that the door opened. I hadn't even noticed and closed the door when I stepped in.

"Oh, my God, Harry!" I exclaimed, whispering, when I finally faced Harry leaning against the wall beside the closed door, still holding my wrist. "I almost had a heart attack!" I exclaimed again, and looked around to find that the room was similar to the one I had been in, but this one was empty.

He was laughing quietly at my reaction and put both hands on my waist, pulling me closer to him. I couldn't believe this. Harold Lowe was completely insane.

"Harry, you're insane!" I hissed at him, still whispering, and he put his finger on my lips, gesturing for me to be quiet.

"I missed you," he whispered back to me, smiling as widely as if he were a child on Christmas Eve.

"I missed you, too," I confessed, smiling back at him, my first wide and true smile in days. "I thought you might have--"

"I haven't stopped thinking about you, not even for a second," he cut in, looking deeply into my eyes and bringing me closer to him. "Don't even think that I would forget you, or I will be very offended."

"I'm sorry." I smiled, our noses touching. "It's just that I have been thinking about you a lot, too. I know it's wrong and I should forget you, but I just can't. It's so diff--"

He cut in again, but this time with a kiss, just to remind me that it was indeed difficult to forget him. The kiss was intense, as if he was afraid I would leave him now, which was actually true in a way. I returned the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck as he turned around, making me lean against the wall this time.

"I love you too much to let you try to forget me," he whispered quietly as he pulled his lips from mine, his head still bent to the side, his eyes now open and looking at mine.

"This is wrong," I whispered back, looking into his eyes. I was feeling again as if my heart was being stabbed.

"I agree. It's absolutely wrong." He nodded, and I couldn't help but frown. "We shouldn't be trying to forget each other," he added. "This is wrong. And I will find a way so we can be together."

"Harry..." I didn't even know what to say. I looked away from his eyes, trying to find the words when his lips touched mine again in a soft kiss. "You know it's impossible."

"It is not," he said clearly, and I looked back at his fond eyes watching me. "I can't do anything now, but I will think of something. Trust me."

"What if--"

"No ifs, ands, or buts." He smiled at my insecurity and kissed me again softly. "Have I ever not kept a promise to you?" I shook my head. "I promise, then, that I will find a way. We just need time."

"I love you, Harry. Even though you're insane like this, maybe that's what makes me so mad about you," I said, smiling. He was unbelievable. He laughed quietly and kissed me again. I had no reason not to trust his word.

Chapter Sixteen
Stories