ALL I NEED
Chapter Seventeen

"Good morning," Cal greeted me as I entered the dining room for breakfast the next day. He was the only one at the table, reading a newspaper as he drank his coffee.

"Good morning," I replied, sitting in front of him. Susan quickly brought me my juice and some papaya fruit.

"Have you read the morning paper?" he asked casually, looking at me over the top of the paper.

"I just woke up, Cal," I replied, a little grumpy, taking a spoonful of the fruit. He handed me one page of his newspaper.

"You just made the officer the hero of New York."

I frowned and took the paper from across the table, folding it properly so I could read the headline of the social column.

Bride-to-be of Millionaire Gregory Henderson Declared to be Saved by a Particular Officer in the Titanic Tragedy

I swallowed dryly and glared at Cal, who watched me from over his paper, a grin on his face. I sighed, trying to contain myself, and looked down at the paper again--a picture of when Mr. Henderson and I were talking to Harry after the hearing. Below were the following lines that I even read out loud, not too loudly, but loud enough for Cal to hear.

"Catherine Hockley, daughter of steel tycoon Nathaniel Hockley and soon-to-be wife of real estate millionaire Gregory Henderson, was called to testify yesterday, April 21^st, to relate the happenings of the horrible sinking of the RMS Titanic on April fourteenth. The young beauty--what?" I frowned. How dare they refer to me like that? "The young beauty's words were kept private, as with all testimony, but it was known to the press that Fifth Officer Harold Lowe was the one responsible for saving the soon-to-be Mrs. Henderson. In thanks for the young officer's heroic gesture, Mr. Henderson invited him to the couple's wedding under the request of his young fiancée--" I stopped reading then. "What?" I asked after a very brief silence. "I didn't request Mr. Henderson invite Harry!" I almost yelled, my voice an octave higher than normal. I threw the newspaper on the table. "I can't believe this!"

"Impressive, isn't it?" Cal said sarcastically, and I looked at him. "More impressive to you would be if you kept reading to find that it was Mr. Henderson who shared this information." He gesture distractedly with his hand.

I stared at him in shock and he nodded his head quietly with his attention back to the newspaper he still had in his hands. I couldn't believe this was happening.

*****

Two days had passed since the hearing, and of all the days since the docking in New York, this was probably the most difficult for me, even more difficult than the hearing. Yesterday morning, when I read the newspaper, it made me lock myself in my room for the rest of the day to prevent an encounter with Mr. Henderson. If I saw him, I'd kill him. I would shout at him everything I'd been waiting to shout and I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that to Harry.

I had been awakened early in the morning to go with my mother to the house of a wedding planner the next day. For some reason, my mother could not understand that I had been through probably the most traumatic moments of my life. She acted as if everything was normal and I was all right in every meaning of the word. It never occurred her that I was broken inside.

"Oh, Heather, darling!" a middle-aged woman with light brown hair in a fancy bun greeted us, entering her parlor, where we'd been waiting for her for the last couple of minutes.

"Lisa, I want you to meet my daughter, Catherine." My mother gestured gracefully to me.

"She's even more beautiful than in the pictures!" Mrs. Lisa Knott bent over me, touching my cheek with hers in some kind of kiss.

"Thank you, ma'am," I said with a false smile, nodding as she smiled widely at me.

"Well, let us get to the interesting part," Mrs. Knott started, and I wondered if we were already leaving, because that was the interesting part for me. "Come with me to the other room. I have the dress you chose already prepared and the samples for the decorations and all the other things."

She took my hand cheerfully and I shot an unhappy look at my mother. I hadn't chosen anything. She had. But it really didn't matter to me if I would marry as a rag doll or a porcelain doll. Neither of them would change how dead I was inside.

Mrs. Knott directed us to a very large room with a lot of dresses and flowers, as well as all sorts of fabric and everything imaginable for a wedding. I looked rather curiously at all of it, but had my attention quickly turned to one of her maids, who directed me to some kind of stool, where they would help me to try on the dress.

With four people helping you dress, you really feel like a doll. I barely moved. When I did, it was one of them who moved me the way they wanted. I was not facing the mirror until they finally finished the last touches and made me turn around. It was a beautiful dress. I couldn't deny it. It had no sleeves, like the nightdresses that I had bought months ago. The neckline was generous and showed off my bust and bare shoulders. The waist was beautifully small, with a fancy silhouette. The skirt of the dress was Edwardian style, some sort of crinkled skirt, as if it had been worn by royalty.

"You look absolutely stunning, Catherine!" my mother exclaimed, looking at me. "Beautiful. Just beautiful!"

"I was thinking perhaps without a very long train. Something more modern. Only this small train we see here." Mrs. Knott started to move my arms as she walked around me. "And, of course, the long veil over her face."

"I love it!" my mother exclaimed, excited. I still had my eyes fixed on the mirror. "What do you think, darling?" she asked me, walking towards me and starting to pull my hair, which was loose, up in a fancy bun with a lot of locks over my shoulders. "With your hair like that, you will look like a princess!"

I couldn't take it anymore. She was literally treating me like a doll, like Mr. Henderson was doing when he gave me all the presents, like this Knott woman moving me around as if I was a mannequin. I just couldn't take it anymore.

"I hate this!" I rudely pulled myself away from her and started to remove the train of the dress. "I hate it! I hate all of this! I hate this dress! I hate these decorations!" I said as I stepped down from the stool to the floor. Both my mother and Mrs. Knott watched me in shock. "It all looks so perfect! I don't want it to be perfect!" I was screaming, walking around and gesturing at everything. "You're acting as if this will be the most perfect day of my life. Well...guess what? It won't be! In fact, it will be the most miserable day of my life. It will be my death sentence when I say I do, because no, I do not!"

"Catherine!" My mother scolded in shock as I threw a glass vase against the mirror and it all broke into pieces. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Lisa!"

"It's all right, Heather." Lisa gestured apathetically to my mother as I turned my back to them. I had started crying. "I will leave you two alone to talk." I heard steps and then a door closing.

"Catherine, what do you think you're doing?" My mother took my arm angrily, making me turn around to face her. "What is the matter with you?"

"Can't you see? I don't want to marry this man! I never wanted to and I never will want to! I don't love him!" I released myself from her and kept yelling, tears rolling down my face. "And you don't even care that I've been through a traumatic event and you make me act as if nothing happened, Mother! Once again, you're only doing what pleases you without thinking of the harm you're doing to me!"

"I know you must be panicking before the wedding. It’s the tension. This is quite normal..." She kept talking, but her voice faded away for me as I looked away from her. She touched my face gently, fixing the hair that was over my face. She didn't understand. "Do you want to do this another time? We can come tomorrow," she finished, and I finally looked at her. She really didn't understand.

"Yes," I replied under my breath, nodding quietly as I tried to hold back my tears. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the side. Catherine, you have to do this, I kept repeating in my mind. There will be consequences. Remember, you have to do this. "Yes, I prefer to come tomorrow." I nodded again, my eyes still closed.

"All right, then, darling...no problem," my mother replied kindly, and softly kissed my cheek, wiping out a few tears that were slowly rolling down my face. Where are you, Harry?

My mother called Mrs. Knott and the maids back, who helped me to change to my dress again, and told them that we would be back in the next day, that I'd been through a lot of trauma with the accident and the pressure of a wedding was too much for many young brides. I didn't know if she actually thought it was only that or she if was just pretending that was the problem because it was easier for her to bear.

*****

Nathaniel and Heather Marie Hockley are proud and honored to invite you to the wedding of their lovely daughter Catherine Hockley to Gregory William Henderson.

I read the same few lines over and over again, as if I couldn't understand the words. It would be in a month, exactly a month, and there I was, as if the days were not passing me by, as if I'd been frozen since the last time I saw Harry, and only he had the right flame to melt me back to reality. I felt the perfumed and beautiful paper in my fingertips, but it was as if it was burning me. I let go of it and it fell into my lap, opening, the golden letters shining with the light coming from the window.

I was frozen, and I kept asking in my mind why I could not die. The answer was clear to me--Harry's promise. It was the only thing that kept me alive, but almost two weeks had passed since I last saw him and the little flame inside of me that kept me warm and my heart unable to freeze with the rest of my body was starting to vanish as the days passed by. It was as if I felt an immense coldness inside of me that increased gradually as the days passed by.

I looked around my room, trying to find something I could hold onto, and as I looked at the dresses and the jewels, I felt the colors fading away. Everything was like black and white photographs, with no emotions...with no life. Even the vases with flowers were black and white in my mind. Everything was dying around me and I was frozen, unable to die myself because of that little flame of his promise in my heart. But I didn't know how long the flame would last.

Chapter Eighteen
Stories