ALL I NEED
Chapter Two

I opened my eyes quickly, as if I was having a bad dream...I probably was. I just couldn't remember it. I sat on the bed and looked around. It was still night. I could hear voices coming from the deck. I stood up and walked around the room in the dark, putting my shoes on and opening the door to the sitting room in our suite. I stepped on a few hat boxes that were placed there; they probably got mixed up with Cal's luggage and my maid left them there to put in my room later on. I lost my balance for a second as I tried to step away from them.

"Goddamn it!" I whispered, supporting myself against the wall.

"Watch your language, Miss Hockley." A voice came from the other side of the room and I looked in its direction, closing my eyes for a second at the light suddenly affecting them.

"Oh, Mr. Lovejoy." I recognized my brother's manservant sitting on the couch, just observing me. "Where is everybody?"

"Your brother, his fiancée, and her mother are having dinner in the dining saloon; they are probably finishing by now. The servants are on the other decks," he replied calmly.

"And what are you doing here?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and walking through the room. "Oh, I know," I kept going, interrupting him; he had already opened his mouth to answer. "You are here because Cal told you to follow me. Am I right?" I smiled sarcastically, not very happy to deduce that.

"Absolutely," he replied with a false smile.

"All right, before I find a way to get rid of you," I started, walking back to my room, "please go find Trudy for me."

He didn't move.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked, stopping by the door and looking at him. "I won't get rid of you now. I need to take a bath before I do that." I smiled.

He sighed and shook his head negatively, standing up and leaving the room as I laughed to myself.

"Did you call for me, Miss?" Trudy entered the suite and stopped beside me by my bedroom door.

"Yes." I looked at her; I was scanning my room with a hand on my chin, thinking of something when she arrived. Then I looked at the suite door to find Mr. Lovejoy waiting for me. "I need you to help me find that black silk dress I bought a few days ago. Do you remember?" I ignored him and looked back at Trudy. "And also find my things for a bath and then prepare the bath for me."

She nodded and entered my room. I, knowing that it would take a few minutes for her to prepare my bath, sat on the couch, staring at the floor and thinking of all the things I could see that night while everybody else was sleeping. Mr. Lovejoy, deciding that I really wouldn't leave the suite now, entered the room and sat on a chair in complete silence, staring at me.

It felt strange, the way he stared at me, and he never did it when Cal was around, which just made it seem even stranger. I knew he had something for me, but not as if he liked me; it was more of a physical thing...but he would not dare to say or do something about it.

I cleared my throat and crossed my arms; I was still wearing the salmon-colored dress I had been wearing for the departure. I didn't care to put my nightgown on to sleep, so the dress was a little rumpled, but then again, I did not care.

"You know my father paid you to watch him, not me, right?" I asked, cutting the silence. He nodded his head. "So, why are you here?"

"Because your brother won't get into any trouble while dining with first class people," he replied calmly. How could he be so sure?

"And I will?" I asked skeptically.

"That's what we will find out after your bath, isn't it?" He smiled sarcastically at me. How dare he?

I rolled my eyes and sighed, standing up, going to my room, and making sure that the door was locked. Trudy had already prepared everything.

*****

"Is this the one, Miss?" Trudy asked as I left the bathroom with a towel around my body. She showed me my black silk dress; it was beautiful and the best part of it was that the bodice wasn't as tight as the others, so it was very comfortable.

"That's the one!" I said, and walked towards her to get dressed.

Trudy offered to dry my hair, but I didn't think it was needed, and let it damply fall over my shoulders as I put a long coat on. It was black with a sash around the waist. I tied the sash, making my waist look even smaller than it actually was, and put on gloves and my high-heeled leather boots, everything black. I liked the color black. It contrasted perfectly with my white skin and my eyes.

I did not put on any makeup, as I wasn't planning on socializing, just walking around the ship. It was a good place to be, just walking around with so much to see and the water everywhere I looked.

"Cathy, where are you going?" Cal asked as soon as I opened the door and met his eyes in the sitting room. Rose was heading to her bedroom and Mrs. DeWitt Bukater had just closed the door to her bedroom. Mr. Lovejoy was still sitting in the chair.

"Walking," I said sincerely, closing the door behind me and walking towards the suite door. "And don't you dare to order Mr. Lovejoy to follow me," I added, stopping by the door. "Last time I checked, Father paid him to look after you and he is as much your servant as he is mine, so if you order him to follow me, I will order him to leave me, and we will just confuse him with that." I smiled ironically. "And…oh, yes. I'm sure you don't want me to tell our father why Mr. Lovejoy was quite busy with you in London, do you?" I looked intently into his eyes; he knew I was talking about the prostitutes.

Rose cleared her throat, looking from Cal to me. I think she had no idea what I was talking about, but she could feel the tension between Cal and I.

"Excuse me. I think I should leave. Good night," she said, and Cal nodded. She smiled at me and went to her room.

"Good night, Rose," I said, and she closed her door.

"You tell, I tell. It's your choice, Catherine," Cal said firmly, looking into my eyes, talking about my night behavior.

"I am sure you have much more to lose than I do." I smiled and winked at him with my right eye. He stared at me in annoyance. "Good night." I left the suite.

*****

I walked down the first class corridor curiously. Most people were already in their staterooms--at least, most of the ladies. I passed by the gentlemen’s smoking room to hear loud laughter and voices and walked out on the deck to the open part of the ship.

I took a long breath, closing my eyes, to smell the ocean, and smiled at the sound of the waves. Somewhat these two things helped me to escape from my world, and maybe that was why I liked to stay up at night, when everybody else was sleeping--to escape from my world.

I approached the railing of the ship and looked down at the water. I couldn't see it very well by then because it was very dark already, but I could see it splashing a few times at the bottom of the ship. I started to walk on the open deck, still close to the railing, my hand on the rail, staring thoughtfully at the horizon. The breeze was very calm; it barely blew a few locks of my damp hair around.

I walked and walked around the ship, a few people still passing by me, but just a few, as it was starting to get really late. I walked down some stairs and headed to the bow of the ship. I reached the railing at the bow and put both my hands on it to look down again. I liked to watch the water, and once again all I could see was the water splashing against the ship.

I backed away and looked around. This part of the ship was already deserted, and I was left to simply sit on the deck and hug my own knees, watching the ocean thoughtfully as I moved with the ship without moving myself. I smiled with that thought and closed my eyes again, feeling the cool breeze against me, blowing my almost dry hair by then, though I could feel that a few locks were still damp.

"Excuse me." I heard a voice after long minutes with my eyes closed and my mind far away, so far away that I didn't even hear the person approaching. I opened my eyes quickly and looked around to find a man standing at my side, a little behind me. I simply looked up at him without moving the rest of my body.

"Yes?" By then I realized that he was one of the officers. He was looking down at me with a funny, curious look. He didn't seem much older than I, probably in his twenties. His face had strong features.

"Are you all right?" he asked, and I simply nodded, looking away, back to the ocean. "I'm sorry to interrupt you--"

"It's all right."

"--it's just that it is late, and..." His voice faded, as if he was not sure which words to use.

"And...?" I looked up at him again. "And I am not supposed to be here. Is that it?" I deduced as he looked around, as if looking for something or someone, and down at me again.

"Not exactly," he replied. His voice had an uncomfortable tone. "It's all right for you to stay here, but if someone from the White Star Line--"

"Oh, I understand." I cut him off, and he looked, puzzled, at me. My straightforward personality always puzzled other people. I think it's just that upper class people weren't used to that. "If someone from the White Star Line sees me here, they will think it will…uh...look bad?" I tried to put it into words...stupid manners. Just because one person was sitting on the deck, it didn't make the ship look bad, or disorganized. I was just sitting on the deck, enjoying the view.

"Something like it, yes." He nodded, half-laughing at me. I wasn't so sure why he laughed. It seemed that something else was going on in his mind, but I didn't ask what. His laughter was steady, enjoyable to hear.

"By someone from the White Star Line, do you mean Mr. Andrews? The shipbuilder?" I asked.

I'd met Mr. Andrews at tea with Cal. He had dreamy eyes and was a very nice man. He was actually an interesting person to talk to. He was always very patient with my questions about how he came up with the idea for the Titanic. It did not seem to me that he would care to see me there. I actually bet he would like it.

"No, no." He shook his head. "Mr. Andrews is not a White Star Line employee. He works for Harland & Wolff, and eventually joined the White Star Line for the construction of the ship," he informed me, his hands together on his back in an officer’s posture, looking down at me. "And I doubt he would mind if he saw you here." He smiled. He was thinking something. I knew he was thinking of something.

"What is it that you're thinking?" I smiled back, curious, and he laughed, looking away from me. He was acting so natural that it was almost impossible to take my eyes off him.

"It's nothing," he said, laughing and still looking away.

"So, by someone from the White Star Line, do you mean the president of the White Star Line, Mr. Ismay?" I asked, frowning. Better to go back to the original subject.

I, unfortunately, had also had the chance to meet Mr. Ismay at tea. He had bested Cal in the I am better than you department. He definitely had. He was very, very unpleasant. He acted as if he was the king of the universe, God himself, and I feared that my soon-to-be husband was like that. After all, Mr. Henderson was as much a rich executive and the owner of a lot of buildings in New York as Mr. Ismay was of ships. If Mr. Henderson was like Mr. Ismay, I would be troubled, very troubled. I ignored Mr. Ismay throughout the whole tea. He asked me about Gregory Henderson a few times, and I simply ignored him. Cal was mad about that, but he did not say anything...I knew that, deep inside, Mr. Ismay annoyed him, too.

"Is that some kind of code between you and your co-workers when you want to mention him in a conversation?" I asked sarcastically, and he laughed, not answering me. "It's all right for you to say it. I don't like him."

"Well, in this case…" He looked at me with a confident smile. "No. We just call him Mr. Know-it-All." Wait. Wait. Did he just wink at me?

I couldn't hold back a laugh and looked away from him, laughing. Why hadn't I thought of that? Mr. Ismay did act as if he knew it all. Every two seconds, he had to explain something about the ship or the White Star Line when anybody asked him anything.

"All right. All right," I said, looking back at him. "I will not stay here. Not tonight. Maybe you can tell me when it is not your turn, but is the turn of someone you don't like much, and I will come back so he will get into trouble and not you," I said with a wide, amused smile, looking at him.

"I will think about it. It's a shame Mr. Know-it-All is not an officer, then. Your offer sounds tempting." He smiled at me. He had a very bright smile. Then he offered his hand to help me up. I took his hand and stood up, letting go as soon as I stood up and adjusting my coat, looking into his eyes.

Just then, I noticed how handsome he was, with all the honesty I could have in my mind about the subject. He was still smiling and his eyes were bright, though they were dark, not as black as Cal's eyes, but more of a chocolate color. As I had noticed before, his face had strong features, and he was tall--maybe a little taller than Cal--and he was definitely stronger than Cal. After all, he was an officer.

"Do you happen to know what time it is, Officer...?" I made an attempt to ask his name without making it obvious that I was interested in it.

"Lowe," he said, still with a smile. "Officer Lowe." He took a pocket watch from his uniform and glanced at it, putting it back in his pocket and looking at me again.

"It's fifteen after midnight, Mrs...?" He tried the same with me, and I think we both failed.

"Hockley," I said, and his eyes suddenly opened in a kind of shock, but he managed to smile again. "And it's Miss."

"Oh, Miss? For a second there, I thought you were Mr. Hockley's wife," he said with a relief that he couldn't hide, and he noticed it, smiling awkwardly as I raised my eyebrows.

"I'm his sister," I said, trying not to laugh at his awkwardness. "Much to your relief, I can tell." I couldn't help myself.

"I'm sorry." He looked down, blushing a little. I laughed at him. That was so adorable. "I'm sorry. I did not mean to--"

"It's all right. Don't worry." I smiled, trying not to laugh. "But what would be the problem if I was his wife?"

"Uh…he just seems a little..." He tried to look for the words in his head.

"Controlling? Jealous? Mad?" I gave him a few options, knowing that all of them were suitable.

"I was actually thinking of protective," he said, smiling. He did not know Cal just yet.

"Oh, yes, he is." I nodded thoughtfully. "But he is also controlling. He can't seem to see the difference between one and the other."

"Can't he, now?" He seemed interested, and we both laughed. "Anyway…" He suddenly became professional again and cleared his throat as if he had just reminded himself that he was on duty. "I am sorry I had to disturb you, but I have to go back to my duties now."

"It's quite all right." I smiled. Would I dare to say it wasn't? He was adorable. "It's your job, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is." He smiled at me again. He seemed in a kind of awe as he stared at me for a few seconds. "Would you like me to escort you back inside?" I was not sure if he asked that because it was also his job to ensure the safety of the passengers, or because he, Lowe, wanted to escort me.

"No. It's quite all right," I replied, gesturing slowly. "I will just walk around."

He raised an eyebrow with a questioning look. Now he must be thinking I was stranger than Cal.

"Are you…uh…sure?" He did not know how to ask it without making me look like a madwoman.

"I am." I managed to smile to break the ice. "I'm a night person, Officer Lowe," I informed him, winking at him.

"Oh, me, too," he said suddenly, and gestured to his uniform. "Not by choice, you see."

I laughed. Nor was I a night person by choice. It was the only way I had to escape, but he didn't have to know that. So, I just nodded.

"Good night, Miss," he said after someone called his name from the bridge. He gave me a small bow and walked towards the voice.

"Good night, sir," I said before he left, and watched him as he went back to duty. I sighed after he disappeared into the darkness and looked around, starting to walk again in a matter of moments.

Chapter Three
Stories