ALL I NEED
Chapter Twenty
"I have to tell you
something. I've been waiting for the right opportunity," Harry said,
watching me as I walked along the edge of the lake, perfectly balanced, one
foot in front of the other with Harry holding one of my hands to support me.
"What is it?" I looked
at him with a grin. I had been smiling since Sunday. Every day, Larry would
take me somewhere and lead me to meet Harry in the park. This was the fifth
day. Larry had been joining us since the second day, and there he was, sitting
by a tree, reading a book and looking at us every now and then with a slight
smile on his face.
As expected, I had grown closer
to him. Larry was fond of me, and he didn't even have to say it. He tried his
best to keep me smiling, even when Mr. Henderson invited him to dinner with
us--only the three of us. He made jokes throughout dinner just to see me smile.
And Harry, though just the way he looked at me made me smile, would come up
with a different flower to give to me, since I had told him that the flowers
had no color for me anymore, but he had the power to give color to each and
every one of them. I was not frozen anymore. I wasn't with Harry all the time,
but these few hours that we spent together and with Larry or Molly kept me
warm.
"It's about Rose," he
said quietly, and I stopped walking, turning to him. He adjusted the lily over
my left ear as I rested my hands on his shoulders.
"Rose? Cal's Rose? I mean,
Rose DeWitt Bukater?" I frowned, curious, watching Harry's eyes as he
rested both of his hands on my waist.
"Yes. She is alive," he
said calmly, paying attention to my reaction.
"Alive?" I almost
shouted in shock, putting one of my hands over my mouth as Harry nodded.
"How? How do you know?"
"Remember how I was the one
to go back to rescue people?" Harry asked, and I nodded. "I rescued
Rose. She asked me not to tell anyone, except you, when the right time came.
She changed her name and went on with her life."
"Are you serious? My God,
this is such good news! Have you seen her? How is she? Where is she? Is she in
New York?"
Harry laughed at my endless
questions and analyzed me for a moment when I stopped talking and grinned at
him, giggling. He was so happy to see me smile. He would tell me every day when
we met that he wanted to see me smile for the few hours he would be with me,
but just to have him with me made me smile. I didn't need any other reason.
And now the news that Rose was
alive! How ingenious of her. I wished I could be able to do something of that
sort. But it would never work with me. I was not very close to her, but knowing
that she was alive and free from her cage lightened my heart.
"I haven't seen her since I
helped her to go aboard the Carpathia. She just told me to tell you when I
realized you were all right to hear the news, and she asked me to make you
swear you won't tell anyone." He narrowed his eyes, as serious as the
guardian of a child.
"I swear!" I kissed
both of my index fingers in a cross and he smiled at my childish behavior.
"Cross my heart and hope to die." I looked at Larry behind us, and he
was watching the scene, amused.
"You're beautiful,"
Harry said, and I smiled as he pulled me closer to him. I took his hat and put
it on my head. He had been wearing his White Star Line uniform every afternoon.
He came to see me every day after the hearings. "So beautiful that it
hurts to look at you," he added as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I love you." I smiled,
ours lips centimeters apart.
"I love you, too." He
smiled back and kissed me. I wanted these few hours to become endless days soon,
as soon as he could find a way.
"I've been talking to Molly
about a way to take you with me," he said quietly, still very close to me
after the kiss. "She said she will help us travel to Europe, where
Henderson can't do anything to you."
"Not to me, but to
you." I narrowed my eyes.
"Nor to me. He is powerful
here, but he wouldn't dare do something to me in Europe. It would be bad for
his reputation." He nodded thoughtfully. "I just don't know what
would happen to your family."
"That is my fear." I
looked down. I didn't want my family to suffer for my actions.
"I know you don't want them
to suffer for your actions," he said, as if he had just read my thoughts.
"But have you stopped to wonder if they have been thinking the same way
about you? They're killing you, love. They're condemning you. Perhaps not on
purpose, but they are."
"It's not my intent to harm
them, either." I followed his thought and he smiled, kissing my cheek
carefully, his lips approaching my ear.
"And you will not. They will
soon see that this is best for you. I'm sure they care about you," he
whispered to me, kissing my neck gently. "I love you too much to let you
sacrifice yourself."
"You're sacrificing yourself
for me," I whispered to him.
"Yes, because I love you so
much," he whispered back, and I felt him smiling. I smiled, too. I loved
Harold Lowe.
*****
"Whoa. Isn't this a heavy
thing?" Larry asked sarcastically, taking the diamond necklace, Mr.
Henderson's last gift to me, in his hands. "He wants you to wear this at
the wedding?" I nodded. "It will affect your posture, I'm sure."
"It's beautiful. I can't
deny it," I said quietly, sitting at my vanity as he gave it back to me.
"But I believe that is not why you came to talk to me so early in the
morning, Mr. Brown." I smiled widely and he looked at me, smiling back.
"It isn't, really." He
seemed a little nervous, walking around my room as I watched him curiously.
"This is so difficult for me to say..."
"Well, just say it." I
smiled, turning to watching him behind me, close to the balcony doors. I could
tell he was nervous. He couldn't keep his eyes on mine.
"It's just...Cathy, this is
awkward." He looked down, stopping beside the door to the balcony.
"I thought we were close
enough for things not to be awkward between us anymore." I narrowed my
eyes. I'd never seen him so nervous. He took a long, deep breath, his eyes
fixed on the carpet, and then he suddenly looked at me.
"Catherine, I'm in love with
you," he said clearly, but too fast at the same, as if it was easier for
him that way.
"Excuse me?" That was
my immediate reaction. I felt my heart stopping for a moment.
"I know." He looked at
the carpet again. "I know it's impossible, and by no means do I want to
separate you from Harry. I know it's impossible because you love him, but I had
to tell you this."
I swallowed dryly and looked at
the carpet, too. I never thought, it never crossed my mind, that Larry could be
in love with me, not this kind of love. I didn't think of him that way. I
thought it was the same with him. I couldn't think of anything to say. Then I
started to remember how he was always looking so fondly at me, how he watched
the way Harry treated me and vice-versa...it was always so clear, and I had
never even noticed it. Oh, no. I didn't want to break his heart.
"Larry..." I called
after a few seconds of silence. I looked up at him, and he now had his eyes
fixed on me. "Larry, I--"
"You don't have to say it. I
know. I didn't want to put you in a difficult spot. I just wanted to tell
you," he said as I stood up and approached him.
"I know." I nodded,
stopping in front of him and taking his hand in mine. He was cold. "Look,
Larry, I...I love you, too, but not the same way. Do you understand? I really,
really like you, Larry. But...I'm sorry." I bit my lower lip, watching his
eyes become sad.
"It's all right. It's not
your fault." He smiled faintly. "I had to tell you because my heart
told me to tell you." I smiled back at him. "Because I'm in love with
you, I want you to be happy, and I know that your happiness is with
Harry."
"But Larry, I don't want you
to leave me." I narrowed my eyes. This seemed like a good-bye.
"I won't. I can't, really. I
understand why Harry is so mad about you. It's impossible to leave you."
He smiled fondly and I looked down. I had broken his heart. If only there was
something I could do.
"Larry, I...I'm so
sorry." I bit my lip again and he smiled, caressing my cheek slowly.
"I wish there was something I could--"
"There is. Just follow your
heart." He nodded confidently and leaned forward, kissing my forehead.
"I will meet you later to take you to see Harry."
"But--"
"Please, don't say
anything." He cut me off, taking his hand from mine and passing me,
walking towards the door. "Remember, Cathy, the only thing that you can do
to help me is to follow your heart and be happy yourself." I nodded,
watching him opening the door. "I will see you."
I almost threw myself over the
bed, sitting as if I had just lost my balance when he closed the door. I had
just broken his heart, yet he was still wishing me to be happy...with Harry. I
sighed as if I was not able to breathe properly and looked at the balcony,
trying to understand what my heart was telling me to do.