ALL I NEED
Chapter Twenty-One

It was just past noon on the same day of Larry's stunning revelation. I couldn't stop thinking of how I had broken his heart. I wanted so much to do something to not make him suffer, but there was nothing I could do. I did not love him, not that way. I loved Harry with all my heart, and I couldn't leave that behind to try to spare him pain. Then I remembered his words--there are little sacrifices that need to be made if you want to be happy. It's a myth that happiness is all about happiness. It isn't. But there are ways that you can be happier, and that is when you choose what your heart tells you.

And then I remembered him saying that he wanted me to follow my heart. My heart was telling me to be with Harry. Since the first time I had seen him it had been telling me that, but with time, the message had become more clear. Now, it was as if my own heart was screaming to my mind that I should be with him. But on the other hand, I didn't want Larry to suffer because of that.

"Miss Catherine?" a voice called from the hallway to the main parlor of the house. I was sitting in one of the parlors, staring at the piano.

"Yes, Susan?" I looked up at her.

"Mr. Brown is waiting for you in the other parlor, Miss."

"Thank you." I nodded and looked at the piano. I had thought he wouldn't come.

I sighed and stood up, adjusting the train of my white dress and the necklace with the C at my throat. I stood quietly for a few seconds. What would it be like now? Should I tell Harry? I had no secrets from Harry, but should I really tell him?

I shook my head. Just follow your heart, Catherine, I thought, and took my gloves from the couch, putting them on as I walked towards the other parlor.

"Larry?" I called. He was standing with his back to me, analyzing an enormous Monet painting that we had beside the door.

"Hello, Catherine." He turned around to look at me. He had a smile on his face, but I could tell he was not very happy. "How are you?"

"I'm all right." I nodded, approaching him. "How are you?"

"I will be all right." He nodded back. He knew I was asking about this morning. "I wanted to ask you something." I nodded. "Please don't tell Harry about what I told you today in the morning."

"Why not?"

"Because he might not trust me to take you to him anymore. Plus, his head is full of problems now. He doesn't need this," he said calmly.

"All right." I nodded thoughtfully.

"Shall we?" He offered me his arm, as if nothing had happened between us during the morning, as if everything was the same. I thought perhaps this was his way of dealing with the situation--ignoring it. And so I took his arm, as if everything was still the same.

*****

"Will you be joining us today, Larry?" Harry asked him as soon as he took me in his arms. He was leaning against a tree and my head was on his chest, watching Larry. This was uncomfortable.

"No, not today." He looked at me for a second. I knew why he wouldn't join us this time. "But I will be back at the usual time to take her back. Don't worry."

"All right, then." Harry smiled and nodded, shaking Larry's hand, and soon both of his hands were on my waist again. "We will see you."

"I’ll see you, Larry." That was all I could say. I couldn't even look at him.

"You look concerned," Harry said, looking down at me. I tilted my head back a little to look into his eyes. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, it is." I smiled faintly. "How is everything going at the hearings?" I managed to change the subject.

"This was my last day. I also can't understand why they ask people to testify on Saturdays," he said thoughtfully, and then gently kissed the top of my head. "One more week and I will finally receive my paycheck. Molly is already booking passage for the day after your wedding. The ship will leave in the morning."

"I'm not sure if I'm entirely prepared for traveling on a ship," I said quietly. The thought had just crossed my mind. I was still traumatized.

"I know it's difficult." He tightened his hug a little bit, resting his chin on the top of my head. "But I will be with you. I know this doesn't sound very safe, since I was one of the officers on the Titanic, but I thought of saying it to calm you anyway." He laughed at his dark joke. I couldn't help but giggle, too.

"Well, I feel safe if you're around." I smiled and moved a little to look into his eyes, both of my hands on his neck as our noses touched. He had his face down, looking into my eyes. "You know I love you, don't you?"

"You tell me that every day, and so do I, but I'm never tired of hearing it." He smiled.

"I love you," I whispered, and he kissed me gently for a second. "Harry, I'm scared of running away with you."

"I know," he said quietly, still looking closely at my eyes. "But this is the only way. You want to come with me, don't you?"

"Yes." I nodded, and then I couldn't help but think of Larry. What would happen to him? "Yes, I do. That's what my heart tells me to do."

"Then so be it, my princess." He grinned and kissed my lips softly again.

*****

"Leave, Susan." My mother's voice came from behind me. I turned around to face her, standing in the doorway, her robe on. Susan looked at me. She had just finished brushing my hair before I went to sleep. I nodded for her to leave, and as soon as she left the room, my mother entered, closing the door.

"Do you need to talk to me, Mother?" I asked apathetically. I knew that look on her face...she wasn't happy.

"Catherine..." She started walking quietly from the doorway, stopping in front of me, her eyes fixed on mine. Her face was pinched. She was angry. She closed her eyes and took a long breath. "Catherine, I followed you today."

I froze. My eyes opened wide as I, in reflex, stepped away from her. I swallowed dryly. I wouldn't say anything. Maybe she was playing with me...challenging me to say something. I tried to remain emotionless.

"I saw you with that officer. Lowe, isn't it?" she asked. My prayers were unanswered.

"Mother, I--"

"For how long this has been happening under my nose?" she cut in dryly.

"It...started...before," I said slowly, looking away from her eyes.

"How before?"

"On the Titanic, the second day," I said quietly. There was no point in lying to her anymore.

"On the Titanic? On the Titanic?" Her voice rose suddenly. She tried to contain herself by closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "Who else knows about this?"

"Cal," I said quietly. Her eyes opened quickly in shock. "He tried to stop everything," I said shortly. She didn't have to know how he tried to stop me. That would make the thing much more disastrous.

"Apparently it didn't work." She looked at me almost in disgust. "How far have you gone?"

"You mean--"

"Yes, I do." She cut in. Was she asking if I had gone far enough with Harry?

"We did it." I nodded quietly. No sooner had I finished confirming that when she slapped me on the face suddenly. This was so unexpected that I almost fell to the floor, losing my balance. I held onto the couch beside the bed, catching my balance again, my other hand on my cheek. I had my head down, not looking at her.

"And all of this was happening under my nose!" she said, her voice shaking as she tried to keep it down. "Catherine, you are forbidden to leave this house without me. Do you understand? I don't want to see that Brown man here, either, nor his mother."

"Mother, it's not their fault--"

"I don't care whose fault is this. I'm putting an end to it!" She took my arms, making me look at her. "I will not let you ruin your life." It was the same speech as Cal had given me.

"My life or your life?" I stared at her with a defiant look as she held me tight. She stared quietly at me. Clearly she wasn't expecting me to confront her. "No matter what you do, I will not stay with Henderson."

"What are you saying?" Suddenly she let me go, her face becoming a little scared.

"You heard it perfectly. You can lock me in the house, you can beat me, you can hunt me down. I will not stay with Henderson," I said clearly. I had never been so bold in my life.

"What are you talking about?" she asked again. Surely she understood that I would stay with Harry, but the idea seemed so absurd in her mind that she wasn't able to process it.

"I'm saying that I will leave with Harry." I kept looking into her eyes. She stepped away from me in shock. "Forever."

"You cannot do this. You wouldn't--no, no, you wouldn't." She started to shake her head. "I will not let you do this."

"What are you going to do? Tell my father? Tell Henderson? It would be much worse for you if you told them." I walked closer to her. "I could have done this the easy way, Mother. But you left me no choice. You all trapped me into this marriage...I don't love him, I never will, and I will not stay with him."

"Catherine, listen to yourself!" she almost screamed again, and looked around, containing herself. "Listen to yourself!" she repeated quietly. "You sound like...like a...like a..."

"Say it! Like what? A whore? A mistress? A prostitute?" She stared at me in shock. And for the first time, I was so sure of my words in an argument with her that I did not even feel nervous. "Why do I sound like that? Because I don't want to marry a man I don’t love? I would be a mistress, a bawd, you name it, if I kept going with this. Do you know why? Because you're selling me to him!" I pointed to all the jewelry on my vanity.

She looked at the jewelry and then back at me. She had started crying by then. There was a long moment of silence between us as she stared at the floor and I simply watched her.

"I will not let you do this," she said quietly. "You will stay here."

"I told you there is no use," I protested.

"Until I have a way to control it, yes, there is a use," she said in reprimand, looking at me. "Good night, Catherine." She turned around and within seconds she left the room, running away from the problem.

I knew there was nothing she could do. She wouldn't tell my father or Mr. Henderson because that would just make things worse. She would try to keep me away from Harry for as long as she could, but she knew, and I knew, that it wouldn't be long.

Chapter Twenty-Two
Stories