ALL I NEED
Chapter Twenty-Four

I bit my lower lip, walking from one side to the other, holding the train of the wedding dress with both of my hands. I had just asked for some time alone, and the maids, my mother, and Mrs. Knott had finally left me at my father's spacious office, where they were helping me to dress. I stopped, trying to calm myself. Don't worry. Cal will find Larry and tell him. Don't worry, I repeated in my head, taking long breaths.

Cal had tried to look for Larry moments after our conversation, but there was no sign of him. He had tried the next day, and again, there had been no sign of him. And then the next, my wedding day, and he hadn't returned yet. I was so nervous I could barely stop shaking. What if Harry already knew? What if he burst into the church and killed Henderson?

I sighed impatiently again, as Mrs. Knott had told me to. I had to take long breaths to stop my body from shaking. Like everyone else, she thought I was nervous because of the wedding, with the exception of my mother, who could be thinking that I was nervous that Harry wouldn't save me. I knew he would. I knew he would come for me after the party, or even before. I was just worried that he would come for me after killing Mr. Henderson.

Suddenly, my thoughts flew from my mind at a knock on the door.

"Catherine?" Cal's voice sounded through the door.

I ran towards the door and unlocked it quickly, opening it for him to enter and quickly locking it again.

"You found him?" I asked under my breath.

"I have good news and bad news," Cal said after a brief silence, looking at me from head to toe and noticing how nervous I was from my constant shaking.

"Just tell them already!" I burst out, and he nodded.

"I've found Larry. He's fine--"

"Oh, Jesus Christ! Thank you!" I leaned against the door, sighing in relief.

"--but he had already told Lowe about the incident with Mr. Henderson."

I shot a look at him. Now he seemed as nervous as I. He was in his finest tuxedo, elegant, but that was all covered by the darkness in his eyes. He was afraid.

"Did he tell you what Harry’s reaction was?" I asked quietly, fighting inside to find my voice.

"He said he was a little...upset," Cal said gravely. "He also said he hasn’t seen him since. He moved from the hotel he was staying in, but he planned to take you with him anyway."

I looked away from his pleading eyes. He wasn't afraid of what could happen to me, or to Harry, or even to Mr. Henderson, but to himself. He had found out that Harry and I had a plan, and that now--more than ever--Harry would go through with it. And now he was afraid that Mr. Henderson would ruin our family’s lives, and his life.

"He was bluffing, wasn't he?" he asked, just to make sure. I shook my head. "Catherine, you can't do this!"

"I can't do this? Cal, that man tried to force himself on me! He's vile and he's evil and you want me to marry him? Thanks a lot, brother! Don't you think he has proved enough that I should not marry him?" I asked, losing my temper and walking away through the exquisite library. He stood close to the door, watching me. "It's not even about leaving with Harry or not! It's about me!" I turned around, looking at him. He had an impressed look on his face. "Anyway…" I sighed, lowering my voice. "…I will leave after the wedding. I just hope Harry only comes to get me and not to kill him."

"There's nothing I can say that will change your mind--"

"No, there isn't," I cut in dryly. He nodded his head, his look still darkened by the situation surrounding us. I couldn't tell what would happen, but I knew it would all come to an end.

*****

St. Paul's Chapel was an incredible place. I remembered being there for Mass and to baptize one of my cousins. We came straight from Philadelphia just to baptize her there. The architecture was well done and it always held an aura of peace. However, in my state of mind, not even such a beautiful place could bring peace to me.

I stepped out of the car and was greeted by an endless flash of lights from the press. I tried to smile and to look as happy as I could, but my eyes searched the entrance for Harry. I smiled now and then when photographers called my name. I could swear I heard someone calling me Mrs. Henderson. It didn't take long for my father, dressed in his finest, to come towards me and direct me to the chapel itself.

As I took another look around, I found that the curious faces outside the chapel were not guests, but just curious faces. As I shot a look inside the chapel, I saw an endless ocean of people sitting in the pews. I swallowed dryly. This could turn out to be a complete disaster. It certainly would, after I left with Harry, but that wouldn't happen in the chapel. However, now I wondered if Harry would actually wait to do something. When my eyes, for the last time before entering, looked for his face and didn't find him, I almost sighed in relief.

All the time, while I was absorbed in my own thoughts, there were people talking to me. I could see their mouths moving and hear their unsynchronized voices, but I could not reply. I simply smiled and nodded. My father directed me as if I was a four-year-old and the maids of honor kept my dress and veil looking nice. Then it finally began.

The orchestra started to play some song that I wasn't listening to. I looked at the floor, trying to focus. This wouldn't last long, but while it lasted, I should do my best to keep it looking real. But I couldn't take my mind away from Harry...or how I wished it was him at that altar. I saw people moving in front of me. The bridesmaids were entering the sanctuary with their escorts. I sighed. After Mr. Henderson's little niece with the rose petals, it would be me.

It didn't take long, and my father squeezed my hand, which was on his arm, and gestured for me to enter. I stepped into the sanctuary. Everyone stood up again. I could see all the gazes on me and I tried to smile. I recognized most of the people. All of New York society was there. It seemed to me I was at a business conference, not a wedding. On the very far right, in the front, I could see some of my relatives who were able to travel to my wedding. And then my eyes landed on Mr. Henderson. Since the morning my father had informed me about the precautions they were taking against Larry, I had not seen him. He was dressed very elegantly and his bruise was barely visible. It didn’t compromise his appearance. He had a sarcastic grin on his face. I couldn't look at him with pity anymore.

I looked for a moment at the beautiful decorations, the lilies and the roses, the mix of lavender, white, and light pink. Everything seemed so calm and beautiful, but at the same time so colorless and gruesome. My father gave my hand to Mr. Henderson. He took it carefully with both of his hands and we stepped up to the altar. My father followed us. I sighed after the priest asked everyone to sit and the music stopped.

"Dear children of God," the priest, dressed in white and gold, started. "We are gathered here today to join together Gregory William Henderson and Catherine Hockley in holy matrimony. Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?"

"I do," my father said, and I looked at him for a moment before he left to join my mother. That was when I saw Harry. He was standing right in the front with some of Mr. Henderson's business partners, one pew behind my mother, my father, and Cal.

He was more handsome than I had ever seen him, or maybe I just missed him too much. He was dressed in some kind of uniform for those special occasions, and beside him stood none other than Mr. Lightoller. He nodded at me and smiled slightly.

I could hear the priest talking before us, but his voice was distant. Harry looked intently into my eyes, that secure look, the look capable of making me feel safe. He was serious, though he managed to smile when he saw my eyes fixed on him. He nodded his head as a sign that he wouldn't fail me. And much to my relief, he didn't seem to be hiding a gun to fire at Mr. Henderson at any time.

"May your love for each other reflect the enduring love of Christ for his church," I heard the priest saying, and couldn't help but narrow my eyes. If he only knew.

Then I looked back at Harry. This time, Cal followed my gaze and then looked down. Every time I looked at Harry, the priest's voice and everything else seemed to fade away. How I wished it was Harry with me at that altar.

"Now, as you are about to exchange your marriage vows, the church wishes to be assured that you appreciate the meaning of what you do, and so I ask you." I narrowed my eyes again. Everything seemed so false in his words, but he had no idea of the situation. "Have you come here of your own free will and choice and without compulsion to marry each other?" the priest asked.

I shot a look at my parents. This time, both of them knew that it was a condemning look and both of them looked down, as if the fact that we were in a church and they would probably go to hell for what they were doing to me had just crossed their minds. Harry was serious behind them, his hands in front of his body as if he was on duty, and he probably was, in his mind. It was killing him to hear all of these words and blessings as much as it was killing me.

"We have," I replied along with Henderson, shooting the same condemning look at him. However, unlike my parents, he seemed like he couldn't care less.

"Will you love and honor each other in marriage all the days of your life?" I almost laughed bitterly at that.

"We will."

"Are you willing to accept with love the children God may send you and bring them up in accordance with the law of Christ and this church?"

"We are." I tried to shake my head slightly so no one would notice my disgust.

"Marriage was God's idea, and He knows how to make it work. Following any plan other than God's is risky. So, let us now read from God's word." The priest kept going and then his voice again faded in my mind. I couldn't stop looking at Harry, and Henderson noticed it.

He followed my gaze and saw my parents. Probably he thought I was looking at them. They had their heads up again and I noticed him looking down as he listened to the words. Now it was his turn to realize what he was doing to me.

"Now, to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord--a wife is not to depart from her husband." These words entered my head, which I processed rather quickly. I shot a sarcastic look at Harry. He had a smile on his face. Now we were the ones to go to hell. However, our sarcastic smiles gave way to confident and passionate smiles as we heard the next few words. "Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked."

Harry nodded at that confidently and I smiled at him. Surely someone who was watching us carefully would notice that, but we did not seem to care anymore. Everyone else seemed like the extra actors of a play. Anyone else was unimportant.

"I invite you then to declare before God and his church your consent to become husband and wife," the priest said, and I felt Mr. Henderson lifting his head and squeezing my hand gently for me to look at him, as we were supposed to at that moment.

The priest whispered the words to him and he repeated them clearly and in a grave tone. I looked deeply into his eyes and remembered of all the misery he was in my life, in Harry's life, in Larry's life...to my family.

"Catherine, do you consent to be my wife?" No, bastard.

"I do," I said clearly. This time, I didn't look at Harry. I had my eyes fixed on him from behind my veil. The priest whispered the words and I repeated them. "Do you, Gregory, consent to be my husband?"

"I do." You're the only one here to consent to something, you son of a bitch.

The priest kept whispering the words, and once again, Mr. Henderson's voice filled the silent church.

"I take you as my wife and I give myself to you as your husband," he said. Well, thank you, but I'm inclined to deny your offer.

"I take you as my husband and I give myself to you as your wife." He took my other hand and now he had both hands together. I thanked God that my hands were gloved. It would make me even more disgusted to feel his skin against mine. And then we repeated together, as the priest kept whispering the words to us, "To love each other truly, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part." If we kept going with the marriage, probably my death do us part.

"What God joins together man must not separate," the priest said out loud again. I looked again at Harry. He was actually stifling his laughter by then...bad, sinful Harry. "May the Lord confirm the consent you have given and enrich you with his blessings. May I have the rings, please?"

Mr. Henderson's best man approached the priest and handed him two beautiful gold rings with small diamonds.

"As a token that you will faithfully perform these vows, you will now exchange rings. The ring is an endless circle--a symbol of the covenant you are making here today," the priest said. Well, for me, these rings were nothing more than chains.

The priest blessed the rings in holy water, which I watched curiously. It was almost hilarious, the fact that this was all being blessed and at the same time, it meant nothing. A few seconds later, the priest handed the smaller ring to Mr. Henderson and started to whisper the words to him again as he gestured to him to put the ring on my finger.

"Catherine, wear this ring as a sign of our love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit," he said, as clearly as before. I grinned bitterly at that and took the other ring.

"Gregory, wear this ring as a sign of our love." I paused and sighed quietly. "...and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." I finished putting the ring on his finger. Once again, I was thankful for my gloves. This chain wouldn't touch my skin, either.

The maid of honor approached us with the unity candle and the priest told us to light it. I did as I was supposed to and kept my smile. Mr. Henderson seemed quite annoyed by that. He was probably wondering why I was smiling so much, because in that evil mind of his, he was probably happy that I was bound to him for the rest of my life. Little did he know that it wouldn't stay like that.

After the candles were lit, the priest started talking again, and I wondered for the first time if he would never finish signing my death sentence with this service. I couldn't blame him. He didn't know the truth, and most of these people watching didn't know the truth. I looked at Harry again. Now he seemed a little tenser.

"With all temporal and spiritual blessings of Jesus Christ that may be a blessing in this world of people you love. Amen. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you Mr. and Mrs. Henderson. You may kiss the bride." Just then, I realized the reason for Harry's tenseness.

I tried to think quickly. In all this time, Henderson had not kissed my lips, only my hand, my cheek, my forehead, and my neck on that night, and it wouldn't be now that he would change that. As he lifted my veil, I looked at Harry one more time. I felt his hands on my shoulders. It was as if he was putting me in a cage with no way out. But with a graceful movement, I bent my knees and Mr. Henderson, surprised but following my movements, kissed my forehead, still holding my shoulders.

I looked at Harry in the corner of my eye while I felt Henderson's lips on my forehead. He mouthed something to me. I smiled, feeling Henderson's emotional cage disappear, and mouthed back to him. I love you.

Chapter Twenty-Five
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