ODE TO TITANIC
Chapter Twelve
Jack stared in stone cold shock
as he watched his friend's body disappear beneath the smokestack, never to
resurface again. In that instant he forgot about Rose and the sinking ship and
the fact that he could die that night if they couldn't find a way off the ship
and to safety. All he could see was Fabrizio and the sunny days they spent
together on their travels through Europe. Their conquest for fun and freedom.
The dream of America that seemed so close, just to be snatched away this very
night. It was all his fault. If he wasn't in such a rush…if he had paid more
attention…Fabrizio didn't have to die. Jack should have been with him. Fabrizio
shouldn't have to make the journey to heaven alone. He should have his
traveling companion with him…
Jack:
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
‘Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
‘Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
‘Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
‘Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
Jack closed his eyes, feeling
ready to join his friend, but it was the feeling of a soft, cold hand and a
shaky, soft voice that brought him back to reality, that made him want to live
again.
"Jack…come on. We have to
go. The ship…it's sinking." Rose's voice shook with a mixture of cold and
fear. Her fingers clung to his shirt, pale and practically blue. "I'm
sorry about your friend. I really am. But you can't die with him. You just
can't. I need you to live, Jack. Please. For me. Live."
Jack nodded, his head buzzing
with the noise of groaning metal and terrified screams. He took Rose's hand and
squeezed it reassuringly as the ship began to tilt. "We have to stay on
the ship as long as possible. This way." He pulled Rose through the crowd.
It was getting harder and harder
to walk. Soon it felt as if they were walking uphill. Rose and Jack stopped to
see a priest clinging to a part of the ship, his hand clutching the hands of a
group of people. He was reciting a scripture, his voice full of fear and
conviction as he tried to comfort the terrified people holding onto him for
dear life. A tear appeared in her eye as she remembered the hymn that the band
had just played. The hymn that her father used to sing to her at night whenever
she had a nightmare. It was the only thing that would calm her then, and
probably the only hymn that could calm her now. Looking at Jack, looking at the
doomed, praying people, she began to sing, loud and clear.
Rose:
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer to thee
E'en though it be a cross,
That raiseth me
Still all my song shall be,
Nearer, my God, to thee
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer to thee.
Though like the wanderer,
The sun gone down
Darkness be over me,
My rest a stone,
Yet in my dreams I'd be,
Nearer, my God, to thee
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer to thee.
There let the way appear,
Steps unto heaven
All that Thou sendest me,
In mercy given
Angels to beckon me,
Nearer, my God, to thee
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer to thee.
Then with my waking thoughts
Bright with Thy praise
Out of my stony griefs
Bethel I'll raise
So by my woes to be,
Nearer, my God, to thee
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer to thee.
Or if on joyful wing,
Cleaving the sky
Sun, moon, and stars forgot,
Upward I fly
Still all my song shall be,
Nearer, my God, to thee
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer to thee!
"That was beautiful."
Jack wiped away a stray tear, thinking of Fabrizio, hoping now that he was safe
and warm and at peace. Thanks to Rose's song, he felt confident and at peace
again.
"My father used to sing it
to me." Rose smiled sheepishly, just as another groan resounded and the
ship tilted even more. She clung to Jack's arm and gasped. "Jack!"
"Come on!" He pulled
her along, replaying the lyrics of Rose's song again and again in his head,
trying to stay calm for both her and himself.
They managed to reach the stern
rail, exactly the spot where Jack had pulled Rose up onto the deck just a few
days before. Jack grabbed the railing, all the while holding Rose in a firm
grip. The ship was tilting more and more, until it got hard to maintain a safe
hold. Jack immediately knew that they couldn’t stay there any longer.
"We have to move!" he
yelled, and climbed over the rail, reaching out to Rose in order to pull her
up. Meanwhile, the stern was straight up in the air. Rose lay on the railing,
staring down at people who lost their grip, falling into the black water. Turning
her head, she looked at Jack, her only fixed and safe element among all this
horror.
Rose:
Inside my skin there is this space
It twists and turns
It bleeds and aches
Inside my heart there’s an empty room
It’s waiting for lightning
It’s waiting for you
And I am wanting
And I am needing you here
Inside the absence of fear
Muscle and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans
My bones call to you
In their separate skin
I make myself translucent
To let you in, for I am wanting
And I am needing you here
Inside the absence of fear
There is this hunger
This restlessness inside of me
And it knows that you’re no stranger
You’re my gravity
My hands will adore you through all darkness aim
They will lay you out in moonlight
And reinvent your name
For I am wanting you
And I am needing you here
I need you near
Inside the absence of fear.
Suddenly, they felt the stern
going down like an elevator.
"The ship will suck us
down," Jack told Rose. "Take a deep breath and hold it right before
we go into the water. Kick for the surface and keep kicking. Don't let go of my
hand. We're gonna make it, Rose. Trust me."
"I trust you," Rose
replied in a certain tone of voice, and soon after that, she felt the ice cold
water surrounding her body. The safe railing of the stern disappeared below her
and she kicked for the surface, never letting go of Jack’s hand. Together, Jack
and Rose reached the surface, gasping for air. People tried to cling to them in
order to get a safe hold, but Jack managed to shove them back, dragging Rose
away from the panic-stricken crowd.
"Swim, Rose! I need you to
swim!" Jack yelled, and Rose tried her best to move her arms and feet in order
to follow Jack. He was grabbing her collar and pulling her along with him. The
water was unbearably cold. Nevertheless, Rose began to start to sing, maybe to
get a feeling of security.
Rose:
This guy was meant for me
And I was meant for him
This guy was dreamt for me
And I was dreamt for him
This guy has danced for me
And I have danced for him
This guy has cried for me
And I have cried for him.
Jack:
Many miles, many roads I have traveled
Fallen down on the way
Many hearts, many years have unraveled
Leading up to today.
Rose:
This guy has prayed for me
And I have prayed for him
This guy was made for me
And I was made for him.
Jack:
Many miles, many roads I have traveled
Fallen down on the way
Many hearts, many years have unraveled
Leading up to today
I have no regrets
There’s nothing to forget
All the pain was worth it.
Rose:
Not running from the past
I tried to do what’s best
I know that I deserve it.
Jack:
Many miles, many roads I have traveled
Fallen down on the way
Many hearts, many years have unraveled
Leading up to today.
Rose:
And I thank you.
Jack spotted a piece of wooden
debris ahead, and he dragged Rose along with him.
"Get onto it, Rose," he
told her, and pushed her up until she managed to stay afloat. But when Jack
tried to get up as well, the whole thing tilted, almost dumping Rose down.
Nodding slightly to himself, he realized his fate once and for all. He was
going to die tonight. He had known this since the ship had hit the iceberg, but
he hadn’t really been able to grasp it. Now he clung to the debris, close to
Rose’s face, looking directly into her eyes.
"It’ll be all right now.
It’ll be all right now." He repeated those words again and again, and Rose
listened to him attentively, trying to shut out the screams of the doomed
around them.
Jack surveyed the surface,
shivering in the water.
"The boats will come back
for us, Rose," he stuttered, trying to sound as secure as he could.
"Hold on just a little longer. They had to row away for the suction, but
now they'll be coming back."
Rose faintly nodded. His words
actually filled her with some hope, even though she was shivering just as much
as he was. Slowly, she leaned her head down on Jack’s arm as they both were
waiting in silence. The voices around them fell silent gradually.
"It’s getting quiet,"
Rose said without any emotion in her voice, her eyes still closed.
"It'll take them a while to
get the boats organized..." Jack told her reassuringly, although not even
he himself actually believed what he was saying. "I don't know about you,
but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all
this." He smiled weakly, and Rose slowly opened her eyes.
"I love you, Jack," she
whispered. Jack looked up at her, knowing what those words implied, besides
their actual meaning. He knew he couldn’t say those three words back. She would
be at peace if he did and be ready to give up.
"Don’t do this, Rose. Don’t
say your good-byes," he begged her, grasping her ice cold hands tightly.
"Not yet. Do you understand me?"
"I’m so cold," Rose
stammered, but Jack just tightened his grip on her hands.
"You're going to get out of
this..." he began, trying not to stutter from his freezing state.
"You're going to go on…and you're gonna make a lot of babies and watch
them grow. And you're going to die an old lady, warm in your bed. Not here. Not
this night. Not like this. Do you understand me?"
"I can’t feel my body,"
Rose told him, but Jack ignored the meaning of her words. He had to make her
feel safe and comfortable without lying to her.
"Winning that ticket, Rose,
was the best thing that ever happened to me," he whispered. "It
brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Rose. I'm thankful." His
voice trailed off and he had to catch some breath, but Rose weakly smiled at
his words.
"You must do me this
honor..." Jack continued, trying to grab her hands as tightly as he could.
"You must promise me that you’ll survive...that you won’t give up...no
matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go
of that promise." He could barely speak anymore, and Rose squeezed his
hands.
"I promise," she said
with as much strength as she could muster.
"Never let go." His
voice was barely audible now. But he needed her reassurance.
"I’ll never let go, Jack.
I’ll never let go," Rose assured him, her voice trembling with suppressed
tears.
Softly, Jack smiled at her as she
smiled back, and he had to gasp for air again. Rose put her head down on Jack’s
arm again.
They were floating there for what
seemed like forever, until it was completely silent around them.
Jack leaned his chin onto the
debris, his strength slowly leaving his body. He didn’t have any force to open
his mouth again to sing, but inside he began his song which, he hoped, Rose was
able to hear.
Jack:
Hold on to me love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was
I love you and I'm not afraid
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight
I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree
I know you hear me,
I can taste it in your tears
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight
Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But still you wake and know the truth
No one's there
Say good night, don't be afraid
Calling me, calling me, as you fade to black
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Calling me, calling me as you fade to black
Save inside myself
Are my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight…