ODE TO TITANIC
Chapter Thirteen

Rose stared up into the star-filled sky as she held Jack's frozen hand, unaware of how still he was. He didn't even sigh.

"Look, Jack. A shooting star." She sighed, remembering what he had told her the night before about shooting stars. A night that now seemed a thousand years ago. "I wonder who's going to heaven now."

"Hello!" A call pierced through the now silent night. "Is anyone alive out there? Hello!"

For the first time, hope pierced Rose's frozen heart. They've come back after all! Jack was right! They were saved! "Jack." She shook his hand, now frozen around hers. "Jack, wake up! There's a boat, Jack!"

There was no answer. He just remained still, frost framing his face, icicles hung from his silken blonde hair that she had loved running her hands through. No signs of life from the man that was full of sunlight and love and had shared some of that light with her for such a short time. Tears now stung her voice as she begged him to wake up. That there was a boat. That they were saved. "Jack…there's a boat."

No answer. Jack was gone from her. They had brought the boat back, but it was too late. Her reason for living was now gone. She leaned her head against his hand and closed her eyes tightly, wanting to die along with him. Why, Jack? Why did you have to leave me?

Rose:
Give me a reason to believe that you're gone
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong
Moonlight on the soft brown earth
It leads me to where you lay
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home
I will stay forever here with you
My love
The softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on
Some say I'm crazy for my love, oh my love
But no bonds can hold me from your side, oh my love
They don't know you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me
I will stay forever here with you
My love
The softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on
And I can't love you anymore than I do.

"I'll always be with you." A soft whisper drifted to her through all the tears. It had sounded so much like Jack, but it couldn't have been. His eyes were still closed in the slumber of death. "Remember your promise." The whisper came once again, reminding her of the one thing that filled her with strength. The one thing that kept her going long enough to at least save herself. Her promise to Jack. To survive…no matter what. No matter how hopeless she felt.

"I'll never let go. I promise." Rose kissed Jack's hand for the last time before separating their hands and watching him disappear into the darkness of the North Atlantic. Gathering up what remaining strength she had left, Rose slipped into the freezing water and made her way to an officer with a whistle in his mouth. Taking the whistle, she blew and blew until the crew noticed her and was rescued. Once in the boat, she fell into a state of hopelessness and despair. Jack was gone, and she was all alone. What was she going to do now? She surely wasn't going back to Mother and Cal. Closing her eyes, she began to cry, feeling so very lost and alone.

But little did Rose know that she wasn't alone. Jack had never left her side. Not once. In fact, it was he who urged Rose to remember her promise and had made her notice the whistle. He had an assignment already. To look after Rose throughout her life until they can be together again. It wasn't what he would have preferred. He would rather be alive and able to hold Rose and build a life with her, children and all. But that was not to be. A discussion with his parents had showed him that this was his path and his life was now Rose's. She was going to be a stranger in a strange world and he was to be her guide, her guardian. Loving her and taking care of her until the end of her own life. Giving her encouragement and comfort in times such as now. When she needed it most. Right now she felt hopeless and unsure. She didn't know where to start and she doubted that she could take the steps she needed to break away from her old life. She thought she had lost him, but she hadn't. She had gained him in a way that they'll be together for all time. Not even death could ruin their love. Now to only convince her of that.

As Rose drifted off to sleep, Jack laid a hand on her head and entered her dream. They were still on the boat, but this time Rose could see Jack. He was alive, warm, and was surrounded by a golden light. His eyes held the light of heaven and she knew he was more than what he had been.

"Jack," she croaked, wiping away her tears. "I can't do this without you."

He pulled her into a warm embrace, letting his love surround her, filling her with strength and courage. "You won't. I'm with you, Rose. I'll always be by your side. I promise."

"But how…"

Placing a still finger on her trembling lips, Jack kissed her gently, savoring the moment. There was so much to say. So much to make her see.

Jack:
No mountains too high for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith, oh yeah
No rivers too wide, for you to make it across
All you have to do is believe it when you pray
And then you will see, the morning will come
And every day will be bright as the sun
All of your fears--cast them on me
I just want you to see...
I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel
I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry
All you need is time, seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still lonely
It doesn't have to be this way, let me show you a better day
And then you will see, the morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears, just cast them on me
How can I make you see...
I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel
And when it's time to face the storm
I'll be right by your side
Grace will keep us safe and warm
And I know we will survive
And when it seems as if your end is drawing near
Don't you dare give up the fight
Just put your trust beyond the sky...
I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel
I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel.

Rose awoke, feeling a little better. Jack was with her. He was her angel, but that knowledge did nothing to ease her loneliness. She didn't want him to be her angel. She wanted him to be alive and well, able to hold her and kiss her, and make her feel special and loved in the way only an alive Jack could! Or why couldn't she die? Why couldn't she join Jack and they could be together as angels? Why did Jack expect her to be okay with this? Why can't she be where he is? Looking up at the stars, she began to sing, not caring who heard her. She had a message for Jack.

Rose:
Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart
Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze upon me
Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now?
Your every wish will be done
They tell me
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart
There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
How can it be
You're asking me
To feel the things you never show
You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart.

*****

Rose was sitting in the steerage section of the Carpathia, the ship that had come to rescue them. The sun was shining brightly, but Rose felt utterly numb. She was wrapped in a blanket, covering her head. Her mind was completely blank. She didn’t allow herself to think of anything. She tried to shut out the ordeal, the painful experiences and, above all, Jack. She knew she would break down at that very moment if she didn’t.

Suddenly, she noticed someone stepping up behind her and she halfway turned her head. It was Cal. It didn’t surprise Rose to see that he had survived, yet she couldn’t believe it. And the last thing she wanted to do was talk to him, let alone let him know that she had survived. She felt even more disgusted at that instant. He would drag her back to first class if he spotted her, that was for sure. Rose stayed completely calm. She pulled her blanket even more tightly around her head and turned away from Cal. He was searching for her. His face held a blank expression. Finally, he turned around and went away slowly. Rose heaved a slight sigh of relief as she saw him leaving her for good.

But for some odd reason, she didn’t feel pure hatred for him. Jack had saved her and made her a survivor, but Cal’s way of suppressing her and her attempts to endure her life--even though she had been willing to give up, or maybe Jack was right and she wouldn’t have jumped--had made her a fighter.

Gazing towards the direction where Cal had disappeared, Rose began to sing.

Rose:
After all you put me through
You think I despise you
But in the end I wanna thank you
‘Cause you made me that much stronger
When I thought I knew you
Thinking that you were true
I guess I…I couldn't trust
Calls your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were there by my side
Always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame
After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
Oh, uh-uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Make my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Never saw it coming
All of your backstabbing
Just so you cash in on
A good thing before I'd realize your game
I heard you're going around
Playing the victim now
But don't even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Make my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
How could this man
I thought I knew
Turn out to be and just so cool
Could only see the good thing
You pretend to...not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies
Disguise yourself living in denial
But in the end you'll see
You won’t stop me
I am a fighter
I ain't gonna stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Make my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
All I won't forget
All I remember
‘Cause I remember
I remember
All I won't forget
All I remember
‘Cause I remember
I remember
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Make my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter.

*****

Rose was gazing up at the Statue of Liberty. She had actually reached America, but how could she even feel the slightest happiness? She put her hands into the pockets of her coat, Cal’s coat actually, and tried to finally feel a little warmer. It was raining, but she didn’t notice. She was on solid ground again, but she didn’t care. She was beyond all feeling, and just when she allowed herself to let thoughts of Jack fill her mind again, an officer approached her, holding a tag board in his hand.

"Could I take your name, please?" he asked her, and Rose turned her head towards him. She hadn’t noticed him until he had asked his question.

"Dawson," she calmly but firmly replied. "Rose Dawson." She turned her head and stared at the big Statue again. With a thank you the officer went away, leaving Rose lost there in her thoughts. Rose Dawson. She hadn’t even hesitated. On the contrary, nothing seemed to be more right now. She wasn’t just about to build up a new existence. She felt an inner connection with Jack and his whole being. She would always be connected with him. She was utterly alone now, but she was facing a new life.

Rose:
Say good-bye
Not knowing when the truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye
But now knowing how to cry, you taught me that
And I’ll remember
The strength that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember
The way that you saved me
I’ll remember
Inside I was a child
That could not mend a broken wing
Outside I looked for a way
To teach my heart to sing
And I’ll remember
The love that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember
The way that you changed me
I’ll remember
Mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…
Mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…
I learned to let go
Of the illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go
I’ve traveled in stillness
And I remember
Happiness
I remember
Mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…
I remember
Mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…
And I’ll remember
The love that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember
The way that you changed me
I’ll remember
Now or never, gonna fade to cry
Now I finally have a reason why
I’ll remember
Now or never, gonna fade to cry
Now I finally have a reason why
I’ll remember
Now or never, gonna fade to cry
And I finally have a reason why
I’ll remember
Now or never, gonna fade to cry
And I finally have a reason why
I’ll remember.

Jack: (singing to her from somewhere)
Close your eyes so you don't feel them
They don't need to see you cry
I can't promise I can heal you
But if you want to I will try
I sing this somber serenade
The past is done we've been betrayed it's true
Someone said the truth will out
I believe without a doubt in you
You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you'll find your freedom
For eternity, for eternity
Yesterday when you were walking
We talked about your mum and dad
What they did that made you happy
And what they did that made you sad
We sat and watched the sun go down
Picked a star before we lost the moon
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone too soon
You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you'll find your freedom
For eternity, for eternity
I sing this somber serenade
The past is done we've been betrayed it's true
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone too soon
You were there for summer dreaming
And you are a friend indeed
And I hope you'll find your freedom
For eternity
You were there for summer dreaming
And you are a friend indeed
And I know you'll find your freedom
Eventually
For eternity.

Epilogue
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