ODYSSEY OF THE MIND
Chapter Twelve

About a half an hour later, Rose spoke up, her eyes still closed. "Mama, you said you were going to hold my hand. Why did you let go?"

"I haven't, dear. Open your eyes, you'll see that."

Rose did just that, and saw her mother was telling the truth. So why couldn't she feel her mother's hand in her own? Rose began to try to move her fingers. They moved only the slightest bit. This wasn't like the last time, though. She couldn't even feel her hand. She looked down at it confused. "Mama...I'm starting to get scared. I...I can't feel my hand."

"Rose, I think we should go to the hospital...right now. Do you think you can walk?"

"I can try, but everything is so numb, Mama. My head still hurts, but I can hardly feel anything, at least on my right side, anyway."

Rose sat up, then tried to stand. But when she began trying to walk, she nearly fell. Ruth knew Catherine would have to come help if they expected to get out of the house.

"Catherine!" Ruth called from Rose's bedroom. Catherine rushed up the stairs to find Ruth supporting Rose. "Catherine, we need to get Rose to the hospital. Now." With no questions asked, Catherine helped Ruth get Rose downstairs.

When they reached Catherine's carriage, she stood there puzzled a moment. Then she remembered. Thankfully, she could see that the window to his room was open. "James, come down here to the front of the house, please!" At the sound of his name, the young man stuck his head out the window. "It's important, James. Please hurry, now."

James ran downstairs, hearing the desperation in Catherine's voice. He prayed Rose was all right. When he got to the front of the house, he could see Rose leaning on the two women, looking very pale. "We need your help, James," said Catherine. "We need you to help us get Rose in the carriage."

James did not ask what had happened, or where they were going, though he could guess their destination. As gently as he could, he lifted Rose into his arms, moving carefully as he stepped up into the carriage. As he put her down, he heard Rose whisper a 'thank you.' Then he stepped down again, waited for the other two ladies to get into the carriage, and closed the door. Wordlessly, he climbed up into the seat and prepared to take them where they needed to go.

"To the hospital, James."

"Which one, Miss?"

"The closest one!" Ruth yelled. She had restrained from yelling at anyone, aside from Mr. Hockley, the past few months, but this time she just couldn't help herself. James started the horses at a fast, but safe pace. He did not want to make the ride too rough for Rose.

To Rose, the short trip to the hospital seemed to last an eternity. Her head was still throbbing, and things were only getting worse. She had tried to say something when her mother had gotten in the carriage, but her voice had failed her, leaving her confused and frightened. She decided she just had to try once more. What she had to say was important.

Rose leaned into her mother just a slightest bit more. She had a terrible time finding her voice, but she tried her damnedest. She had to get it out. "I...love...you, Ma-ma." It was so low and wispy it was barely audible.

Ruth looked at Rose very frightened. "Rose, don't do this. You're going to be fine."

Rose had no more power to talk, but her doubt showed in her eyes, making Ruth want to cry. Rose had to be all right. She HAD to. After all the time it had taken for Rose to get well, Ruth would not accept even the possibility of losing her. But Rose did look tired...so terribly tired.

"Don't go to sleep yet, dear. Just hold out a little longer." Rose tried as hard as she could, but she could hold her eyes open no longer. She would just rest for a while. Yes, that's it. Just rest until she got to the hospital. As Rose closed her eyes she saw her father and Jack once more. Their voices were too shallow to be heard at first, but then they became clear.

"Rose," her father began, "you have to stay with your mother. She is going to take care of you now. I promise. And don't be afraid of the doctors, they will only want to help you."

Patrick faded into the background, and Jack came forward. "I love you, Rose. Now is your chance to prove to me how strong you really are. And I know you will."

"I'm not that strong anymore, Jack. I used enough strength for a lifetime. I don't think I have that much left..."

"But you do Rose." Jack smiled at her. "It's not time to be with me yet. You have a long and full life ahead of you. Now go, Rose, let the doctors take care of you. I love you, always..." The last sentence faded out into an echo.

When Rose at last opened her eyes, she was already IN the hospital. The first thing she saw was two doctors in those horrible white coats. She couldn't help her reflex reaction. She started to panic. Where was her mother? Rose couldn't see her, and she had promised she would stay. Where was she?

"Shh, it's all right, Rose. Your mother is right outside the door, all right?" The doctor's voice was very soft and comforting. Her panic started to cease a bit. "I promise we'll take good care of you. Your mother told us you were having terrible headaches, numbness in your limbs, and difficulty speaking?"

Rose tried to speak, or even nod her head, but her body would not cooperate with her.

"I see you're trying to tell me. Sometimes a body can make things so difficult, can't it? If you want to say yes, just blink once for me, all right?"

Rose did just that, and the doctor gave her a gentle smile. "Well, we'll need to observe you tonight, but I can tell you almost certainly what is wrong, just from what your mother said. Shall I ask her to come back in now?"

Rose blinked. She wanted to be with her mother again terribly. She never wanted to lose sight of her. Ruth walked into the room her daughter was in very quickly. She hadn't wanted to leave Rose alone, but the doctors had insisted on it.

Ruth leaned over her daughter and looked into her sorrowful eyes. Rose felt as if she were truly dying. Why had both her father and Jack said she wasn't? She had never felt like this. She wanted to ask her mother 'why me?' but she couldn't speak. She could barely move, and she couldn't feel much but the pain. She just closed her eyes and sighed.

At Ruth's insistence, she was allowed to stay with her daughter all night. Rose slept well, her exhaustion and pain keeping her dreams away for once. But near midnight, Rose became frightfully still. Even her breathing slowed. And Ruth grew frightened.

Ruth did not want to leave her side, but she had to find a doctor. She ran into the corridor and saw one of the doctors that had tended to Rose earlier. "Dr. Nevens! Please, my daughter, her breathing is getting slower and she...she's so still." Ruth was trying her best to not get emotional, and to act professional, but it was rather difficult when she feared her daughter might be dying.

The doctor went swiftly into the room and checked Rose over very carefully. "Mrs. DeWitt-Bukater, this is why we wanted to keep your daughter here tonight. We knew the stroke would come on full force soon. If she survives this, then we can see if there is any permanent damage. We won't know for some time."

Ruth's head was in a spin. 'A stroke? She's only eighteen! IF she survives this? Oh my God.'

"Rose," Ruth cried out. "Can you hear me, darling? Rose, you have to come back to me. I know you want to be with Jack, but you can't, Rose. I need you. Please...don't leave me..." Ruth was sobbing, holding onto Rose's hand.

The doctor knew there was nothing else he could do, the stroke would run its course no matter what he did. In the event that the poor girl did not live, her mother deserved to be alone with her now. As he went out the door, he turned again and spoke.

"It will likely get more and more difficult for her to breathe. I think the best help through that is you, ma'am. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck."

Moments later, when Rose began gasping for breath, Ruth knew this was the worst of it. Somehow she also felt that Rose was awake, though her eyes were closed. She had to talk her through this. Now.

"Rose listen to me, concentrate on my voice. You can make it through this, Rose. I know you can. This is the bad part, okay honey?" Ruth stroked Rose's hand. She had to think of something to talk about, and fast.

"Do you remember that time when your father took you to the park? You were about...oh, six years old. And you both decided to get a little too close to the pond? You came home all soaking wet and muddy. You were such an energetic child, Rose. I still see that in you, even now. Oh, and then there was that time when you were seven. It was your father's and mine anniversary party. You wanted to look so extra special. So you went into my bedroom when I wasn't looking, and you went through my makeup. You came out with lipstick everywhere, powder splotches all over your face. I know I got angry with you then, but it really was funny. Your father couldn't stop laughing for days. Now, Rose, I know you are grown up now, but I promise I will let you explore things as you like. You never got to do that enough when you were small, not with me. And, you do have a birthday in a few weeks, you know. By then I'm sure we'll be home, and we can do whatever you'd like, all right?"

Inside Rose's mind, she could hear her mother talking to her. She was smiling inwardly, and she almost forgot how much trouble she was having breathing. What she wanted most for her birthday was just to spend it with her mother. No one else but the two of them. She heard Ruth start speaking again...

"But I'm sure most of all you'll be glad to be back in your own room, won't you, dear? It's just as you left it last. I thought it was the least I could do. And from now on, you can go into your father's old study as much as you like. I know you always liked going in there. And there is a surprise waiting for you, too. I can't wait until you see it. I know you will just love it."

Minute by minute, Ruth was giving Rose more and more reason to live. She felt the urge to go on, to make Jack proud of her. And she couldn't wait to see what her mother had planned for her. She had to fight this...she just had to.

After another few minutes, Rose felt herself emerging from her haze of pain. Her breathing calmed, and she opened her eyes. She found she still could not speak yet. But she would. She knew she would. In that moment, Ruth saw Rose looking at her. Ruth was overwhelmed by emotions of every kind. Rose was all right. She had made it.

Rose wanted to speak up and tell Ruth that it was because of her that she made it through, but her voice would not come to her. In the most awkward way possible, Ruth embraced her daughter. She did not want to hurt Rose in any way, so she did so very gently.

"Darling, I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you. I'd really rather stay the rest of the night. Just sleep, Rose. You'll feel better tomorrow, you'll see."

Rose didn't want to sleep, now. She scanned the room, searching. Where was Catherine, and how could she ask her mother to have her come into the room?

Rose looked up at Ruth wonderingly. Her eyes wandered through the room again. She hoped that she would understand what Rose was looking for. Ruth looked confused for a few moments, then she realized. "Catherine is out in the hall, dear. Shall I go get her?"

Rose had a look of relief on her face and Ruth understood that it meant a 'yes.' Ruth left without another word, and returned as quickly as possible with Catherine. Rose wanted to smile at the look of relief on her face.

"Oh, my little Rose...I was so worried! I know you can't talk now, it's all right. I helped you relearn it before, I can do it again if need be." Ruth was now completely confused. What on earth was Catherine talking about?

"Get some sleep, child," Catherine said softly. She brushed the hair from Rose's eyes and kissed her forehead. "We'll be right here waiting for you when you wake up." Rose closed her eyes and began to drift off to sleep.

Catherine took a seat in a chair across the small room, while Ruth sat in the chair next to Rose's bed. Rose felt very comforted knowing that the two women who loved her the most were there with her in the same room.

After it seemed Rose was really asleep, Ruth asked her question. "Catherine, a few moments ago you said you had to teach my daughter how to talk again once before. She told me nothing about that. What happened to her?"

"Rose, she, uh...she went into an almost unconscious state. She was very delusional. She said she saw very horrible things. Well, she hardly ate a thing, she didn't respond to me, she didn't walk...or talk. When I was finally able to get her out of it, she had nearly forgotten how to speak. So, I had to re-teach her."

"So that is how she lost all the weight then, too?"

"That was half of it, yes."

"Half of it? What else could have happened? She had been through enough already."

Catherine sighed. "Yes, I know. That second time was very different. I couldn't keep her still very often. I told you about that. And she didn't eat much, this time because she just didn't care to. I tried everything. It very rarely worked. I could see how strong she was, but for as strong as she was, her will to be with Jack was just as strong, almost stronger at times. Those were the times that she...she tried to hurt herself," Catherine explained.

"Yes, she told me." Ruth looked at her in sadness. She had no idea that Rose had been through something THIS serious. And now to go through this physical challenge, too. She wondered if Rose would ever be the same person again. Physically or emotionally.

"Thank you for everything you did for Rose. I will never be able to repay the debt I owe you, but I think I know of something that would accomplish part of that. Once Rose and I go home, and she has had time to settle in again, I'd like you to come visit us. Please. It would mean so much to Rose, I know it would."

"If you wish it, I suppose I could make travel plans. I haven't traveled in so long. I suppose I could use the little vacation." Catherine smiled. "Now I think it's just time that we pray Rose will be all right in the long run. It may be a while until she's back to her normal self again."

"Yes, I know you are right. I'm sorry to seem rude, but I would like to sit here alone with Rose for just a few minutes. I know she's just sleeping, but I have things to think about. Would you mind?"

"No, of course not. I'll be right outside the door. When you are finished, I will come back." Catherine stood and left the room without another word.

Ruth did not speak aloud, but she thought very deeply in her own mind. She had many amends to make with Rose...and Patrick. Rose said that he had forgiven her, but how could she know? For the first time in a long time, Ruth missed him.

"Patrick, I'm so sorry for the way I treated you, especially when you...when you were dying. I knew both you and Rose were suffering so much, and I did nothing to help either of you. You would be so proud of our Rose. And she still loves you so much. I promise you, from now on I am going to earn the same kind of love she has for you."

"Don't cry, Ruth," she heard a voice say. She looked up, and she could see Patrick at the far end of the room.

"P-Patrick?"

"Yes, dear, it's me." He smiled at her sweetly. He had been looking over Ruth just the same as he had Rose. Patrick walked to where Ruth sat. "You're looking as lovely as ever, Ruth."

Ruth could not meet his gaze then. "You always tried to tell me how attractive you thought I was. I never returned your affections as I should have. I was truly cruel to you at times. How...how can you still love me, Patrick?"

"There are many sides to you, darling. I happened to see the bad more than the good. I will always love you, Ruth. Regardless of what you say or do. Look at me, Ruth." She looked up to meet his eyes. They sparkled as they had always done before. "Rose is going to need your help. You can't spend all your time thinking of me, all right? I love you, I forgive you."

Patrick took Ruth's hand and pulled her up so she was standing. He kissed her sweetly on the lips. It was the first truly passionate kiss that they shared since Rose was a very young child.

Patrick pulled away and looked Ruth in the eyes. "I have to go, now. Take care of Rose." He backed away and whispered, "I love you," as he slowly faded away.

As Ruth stood there, stunned by what had just happened, she heard Rose begin to stir in her bed. She turned all of her attention to her daughter. Rose slowly opened her eyes. She wanted to smile at seeing her mother there, but her muscles would not cooperate. All she could do was stare. But Ruth came to her side even without being asked.

"How are you feeling, darling? Any better?" The pain was gone, but she felt extremely worn out. So overall, she was feeling better, yes, but this not being able to communicate was going to drive Rose out of her mind.

"It's all right. I understand, Rose. You're very tired still. Do sleep some more. You'll feel much better in the morning." Ruth bent over and kissed Rose's forehead.

With that peace in mind, Rose closed her eyes and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, Rose awoke as the sun shone into the hospital room. God, how she hated that bright light.

Ruth saw her daughter's eyes flutter open and walked to her bedside. "How are you feeling today, dear? Any better?"

Rose didn't have the strength to find her voice, but she was at least able to smile a little bit.

"That's wonderful," Ruth said with a gleam in her eyes.

After Ruth stepped away from the bed, Catherine took her turn at saying good morning. "You look much better, now, dear. We'll see how things go today, how long the doctor says you might have to stay. Then, when you do get out, you can come back to my house, and stay there until you're ready to travel, all right?"

Rose wanted to answer yes, but found her voice would not cooperate. She simply nodded instead. It was Ruth who protested.

"No," Ruth stated. "I don't mean to seem rude, Catherine, but once Rose is ready to leave the hospital, I'd like to go home as soon as possible. Rose has already been here so long, and I--"

"I understand," Catherine spoke up. "More than you know. Rose should be getting home soon. You'd like that, Rose, wouldn't you?" The expression on Rose's face told Catherine all she needed to know. Rose was just so tired and frustrated...she wanted her mother and she wanted to go home.

*****

Later in the day, after waking up from a short nap, Rose decided that she could not endure her inability to speak any longer. She was going to find a way to make her voice work. Today, even if all she could say was one word. She opened her mouth, willing something, anything, to come out.

"M...ma...ma." Her voice was hard and scratchy, and it tickled the back of her throat...but she had to keep trying. "M...mam...mama." She did not say it very loudly or clearly, but Ruth still heard it.

Ruth and Catherine looked over Rose with surprise. They didn't expect her to talk for some time yet.

Ruth bent down and gave Rose a big hug. "M-ma," she repeated.

"I'm right here, Rose. It's all right." Rose smiled up at her. She wondered if she could get anything else to come out.

"Mama, I...I just want...to go home."

Ruth suddenly looked as if she wanted to cry. "You will, darling. As soon as we can, I promise."

"But...the money?"

"Don't worry about that, now. Your Uncle Samuel has been helping me. We're going to be just fine. You always liked your Uncle Samuel, didn't you, Rose?"

Rose simply smiled, not feeling up to talking anymore. Catherine saw this, but decided to go ahead with what she had to say. All Rose had to do was listen. As politely as possible, Catherine asked Ruth to leave the room. Rose seemed confused.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I know you want your mother to stay. But now that I know you're going home so soon, there are things I need to tell you."

"Well, what is it, Catherine?"

Catherine exhaled deeply and began to explain. "You've often asked me why I took you in without even knowing you. I gave you reasons, but they were not why, Rose. You see, my daughter...died when she was in one of those...hospitals." Rose gasped slightly. She knew exactly what Catherine was telling her, now.

"She...she was so much like you, in so many ways."

Rose wanted to say something, but she could not think of the right words. And so, she simply waited for Catherine to go on.

"She even looked quite a bit like you...I never wanted to put her in that horrible place, but my husband's brother said it was the only thing we could do. I wasn't as strong of a person as I am now. I let him tell me what I should do. Rebecca begged me not to let them take her, but I didn't know how to stop it. I went to see her there, just once...she refused to speak to me. I could see how badly they were treating her, and just a few weeks later, the hospital called my brother and told him she...she was dead. I got the news second-hand. Her own mother..."

After Catherine was able to regain her composure a little, she continued. "That's why I couldn't bear to put you there. And I thought that by helping you, I would, in some way...be making it up to Rebecca. Sometimes I wonder, if at the end, if she ever forgave me. I never meant for her to end up there." Catherine's last words trailed off, and she looked down at her feet.

"I...I'm so sorry," Rose said softly. "I think," Rose was interrupted by her own coughing. "I think...she understands."

"Thank you, Rose."

"Catherine, if it's all right, I'd really like to sleep, now. Will I see you later?" Rose asked with a scratchy voice.

"Of course, darling. You just rest. Things can only get better from here."

Rose sighed. "Yes, I hope they do. Please, ask Mama to come back, now."

"I will, Rose." Almost before Catherine left the room, Rose was sleeping.

Chapter Thirteen
Stories