ODYSSEY OF THE MIND
Chapter Eight
A few weeks later, a very ecstatic Rose was
on the phone with her mother. She had the phone in her hand and was happily
waiting to hear her mother answer.
"Hello," answered Ruth.
"Mama! Guess what?" Rose spoke
quickly and loudly.
"What, darling?"
"Catherine says I'm well enough to come home!"
"Oh, Rose, that's so wonderful! When
will you be coming, do you know yet?"
"Not exactly. Catherine will be taking
care of that later today. I'll let you know once she has. She would like to
come stay with us a while, would that be all right?"
"Oh, of course. She's welcome for as
long as she can stay."
"Thank you! I'll tell her when she
returns from her errands."
"That's fine. I'm so glad you're finally
able to come home, Rose. This house is not the same without you."
"I've missed you, too," Rose stated
honestly. "More than...than you can imagine. There are things I have to do
now, but I will call you back later today, all right, Mama?"
"Yes, of course. Talk to you soon,
darling. Good-bye."
"Good-bye, Mama. I love you."
"I love you too, Rose." After a few
seconds of silence, Ruth hung up, and Rose quickly did the same.
Rose wandered around the house happily.
Catherine had gone out and James was working. Rose actually enjoyed the silence
for a change.
As Rose entered the kitchen she saw the newspaper
sitting on the table. Rose sat down and began reading it. "What's going on
in he world," she spoke to herself. As Rose flipped through the pages, a
particular headline caught her eye. It read "Hockleys to Travel to New
York."
Rose sat there stunned. She went on to scan
the rest of the article.
"...board of trustees...Hockley
Steel...Nathan and Caledon Hockley...despite the loss of Caledon's fiancée in a
terrible incident upon the Titanic last April..."
Rose threw the paper on the floor in a state
of panic. She walked into the parlor and began to pace back and forth, thinking
of what she was going to do.
When Catherine returned from her outing, she
found Rose pacing furiously in the parlor. "Rose, what's wrong? Did
something happen? Why are you so upset?"
Rose did not say anything directly to
Catherine, but she mumbled to herself softly. "I won't go back with him, I
just won't! If he thinks he can get his way, he has another think coming to
him. After what he did to me, I ought to kick him straight in the--"
"Rose!" Catherine exclaimed. Rose
at last looked at Catherine.
Rose looked startled. "Oh, I didn't hear
you come in." She was trying to sound calm, normal, but Catherine could
see she was shaking. She had to find out what was going on.
"Him who, Rose? Who is coming to get
you?"
"He's coming to get me, Catherine. Cal
is. I know it...he's going to find me here, and take me back. I know him. He'll
take me back kicking and screaming if he has to but he's going to come!"
Rose returned to pacing.
'Oh my God. What happened to her this time?'
Catherine thought.
Catherine knew she had to calm Rose down, to
get her at least to SIT down. Catherine sat on the couch and tried simply
asking her to sit, too, but Rose did not seem to hear. She had to physically
lead her to the couch and force her to sit.
"Rose..." She simply would NOT
recognize Catherine's presence. Catherine had to practically scream Rose's
name. "Rose!"
"Hmm?"
"Rose, what on earth has got you
thinking that your EX-fiancé is coming to get you?"
"You don't know him, Catherine. He will
NEVER stop trying to find me, take me back. And I can't go, I CAN'T...it will
kill me. But I'll never be able to stop him!" Rose began wringing her
hands desperately, and Catherine took them in her own, forcing Rose to keep
them still. What else could she say to calm her? There HAD to be something...
"Rose, he is NOT coming to get you. I
won't allow it. I love you as my own daughter, Rose, you know that. He'll have
to go through me to get to you." Catherine looked into Rose's eyes, but
she was still not convinced.
"You don't understand...you're only a
woman, Catherine, just like me. He won't hesitate to hurt you to get you out of
his way. He will do anything to keep a situation under his control. Anything.
And if he hurt you, because of me...I..." Rose looked like she was about
to cry, and could say no more for the moment.
"Rose..." Catherine thought
carefully about whether to ask her question or not. "Did he ever...hit
you?"
Rose nodded her head quickly. Too quickly,
Catherine thought. No wonder why Rose was so scared of him. "Don't worry,
dear. I assure you that he will not take you away from me. I too, have my
ways."
"I hope so. I never want to see him
again, ever. And to think what he may have done, possibly even to my mother,
I...I can't bear to think of it. She never did anything to him. But she is my
mother, and just for that reason, he might..." Catherine saw the panic
building in Rose's eyes again, and she knew she had to stop her flood of words,
even if it was just for a moment.
"Let's not think about this right now,
hmm? I brought home some chocolate cake. What do you say we go have some?"
"All right," Rose murmured. She
hadn't had an ordinary chocolate cake in ages. It was always the fancy desserts
that were at the parties she went to. God, all those parties! She went to
enough parties for a lifetime, and she was only eighteen.
Catherine stood, expecting Rose to follow her
into the hallway. But there she sat. "Rose, are you coming?" There was
that blank look in her eyes again. 'Oh no.'
Catherine walked back over to where she was
sitting. "Rose?"
"Hmm?" She shot back startled.
Catherine let out a sigh of relief.
"Come on." She took Rose's hands as
she stood up.
When they entered the kitchen and Catherine
had sliced them each a piece of cake, Rose just stared at it, not trusting her
trembling hands enough yet to pick up the fork. This time, when Catherine saw
Rose's blank look return, she knew it was really trouble. Rose was going downhill,
again.
'Oh no, not again,' she thought. "Rose?
Rose...Rose!" She was sitting right there in front of Catherine, and yet
she did not seem to notice her. Catherine put her hand up to Rose's cheek and
stroked it softly. At Catherine's touch, Rose finally returned to reality.
"Rose, you frightened me, darling. Are
you tired now, would you like to go take a nap?"
"Yes, if it's all right. Not for long,
and...will you stay right there?"
"Of course I will, you didn't even need
to ask. Now come, let's go upstairs, love."
Rose nodded and headed up the stairs. Rose
could feel herself plummeting into another state of shock, and yet she didn't
know how to stop it. But she knew that Cal was coming to get her. Why didn't
Catherine believe her? Rose entered her bedroom with Catherine following
closely behind.
Rose slept for an hour and a half, much
longer than she intended. When she woke, Catherine was there, as promised.
Catherine sighed when she saw Rose open her eyes. She already looked so much
better. But Catherine's hope dimmed when she saw Rose begin to stare blankly at
the wall.
"Rose? Is something else wrong?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine. I'll talk to you in a
minute, Jack will think I'm ignoring him."
"But Rose...Jack isn't here."
Rose shot annoyed look at Catherine.
"Don't be silly, of course he is, right beside you! Can't you see
him?"
Catherine, without moving her head, glanced
to her side where Rose was looking. "Rose, dear...there's no one there.
Perhaps you should go back to sleep for a while..."
"No. He's right there, Catherine. He
needs me."
"Oh my," Catherine mumbled under
her breath.
Catherine suddenly felt so sad inside. Rose
had come so far...and now this. She didn't know how she would help Rose this
time, but she DID know that she would not cast her out on her own, or worse,
send her to one of those dreadful hospitals. This was her home now, she
belonged here. No two ways about it. But now...how to approach Rose, and try to
bring her back to reality? It would not be so easy anymore, Catherine knew.
"Rose, dear, you're still tired, honey.
Why don't you go back to sleep? I'm sure Jack will understand."
"All right," said Rose. She closed
her eyes and fell back asleep. Now, Catherine had to think of what to do. This
situation was far worse than the last one.
Over the next hour, Catherine did some pacing
of her own. Rose slumbered peacefully the entire time she pondered things. She
even had a smile on her face. Catherine knew it wasn't going to matter that SHE
couldn't see Jack...Rose was. Being no doctor, Catherine could not stop the
visions through medical means. But they had started because of the stress over
Rose believing Cal was coming here, wasn't that right? So what she had to do
was find proof to give Rose that he was back home in Pittsburgh, where he
belonged. And quickly.
Suddenly it hit her. She had seen something
in the paper back in April about a memorial ceremony being held for a Miss Rose
DeWitt Bukater who had perished on the Titanic. Caledon Hockley had been
"heart broken over the loss of his beloved fiancée." Beloved indeed.
What kind of a man strikes his fiancée?
Catherine quietly walked downstairs to try
and find that newspaper. She had saved several papers with anything having to
do with Titanic. She knew they would be important to her in the future.
Catherine found the papers in her own room
very quickly, then returned to Rose's bedside, placing them on the little table
nearby. Then she sat and waited for Rose to wake up. Catherine didn't have to
wait very long, for Rose awoke after only five minutes. "You certainly did
sleep a good while, dear." Rose's eyes fluttered open, and she stretched
while yawning.
"Where's Jack?" asked a confused
Rose.
"He had to go, dear. Here..."
Catherine picked up the newspaper. "I want you to read something."
Rose took the paper very hesitantly, as
Catherine pointed at what she wanted her to read. "Right there, Rose. Just
read that and think about it for a bit."
Rose's eyes scanned down the page. She took
in what she read with no discernible expression on her face. Then she put the
paper down in her lap, and looked up at Catherine again.
She didn't care if he did hold a memorial
service. It was probably just all for publicity. He was still going to find
her. The man was insufferable. He wouldn't give up that easily.
"Catherine, I tried to explain
before...you don't know him. He had that memorial service for appearance's
sake, that's all. To look like the loving, devoted fiancé. Inside I know he is
still sure I'm alive, and he WILL find me. He's the most determined person I've
ever known. He probably had to arrange the service himself. My mother didn't
even go...it says right here." Rose pointed to the article.
"Rose, you don't seem to understand that
I will NOT let him get to you." Catherine sighed, half in sympathy, half
in frustration. "I can tell what type of man Mr. Hockley is, Rose, but
even so--"
Rose shook her head very quickly.
"No...YOU don't understand. He's coming to get me Catherine...he's coming
to get me!" Rose began to sob into her pillow. At that, Catherine had
reached a breaking point.
"Rose, my darling, please don't cry
anymore. I'm going to protect you, no matter what you think. I promise. Now,
please look at me, right into my eyes, and see if you don't think I'm telling
you the truth."
Rose's blood shot eyes looked straight into
Catherine's. She thought just for the time being that she would play along with
what Catherine was saying. "All right," she said softly. But inside,
she still believed that Cal would take her away.
"I think I'll go back to sleep now. I'm
suddenly very tired."
"Again, dear? You just woke up. Are you
feeling ill?"
"No, Catherine, I'm all right, just
tired. Really. You can go do other things if you'd like. I'll be fine."
Catherine started to leave the room, then
changed her mind, turning to speak to Rose again. "Stay awake until I come
back, please, dear. I have an idea of something that may help you." With
that, Catherine went to get the old rocking chair from her spare room.
She carried the rocking chair into Rose's
bedroom and placed it in the corner of the room. Catherine sat in the chair and
spoke to Rose. "Come here, dear." Rose looked at Catherine awkwardly.
"Just come here, dear. This always used to help my daughter."
Rose placed her feet on the cool floor and
walked over to where Catherine sat. "Now sit," Catherine commanded,
patting her lap.
"What?"
"Come here and sit on my lap," she
repeated.
"No, I couldn't do that...it's
ridiculous, at my age!"
"It isn't, not if it will help you,
dear. From what you told me of your mother, I know she would never do something
like this, you aren't used to it. Please, just try it, for a few minutes."
Rose whispered, "All right," but
hesitated another moment before settling into Catherine's lap. She really did
feel ridiculous. Rose was taller than Catherine in the first place. This felt
all the more awkward.
"Just put your head on my shoulder,
dear." Rose did as Catherine said, very reluctantly at that. Catherine began
to rock back in forth in the chair, hoping it would lull Rose to sleep. Even
though she knew Rose felt uncomfortable, she also knew that she would feel more
at ease in a few minutes.
"Just try and fall asleep, dear. You
have much on your mind."
"Yes, I do. I...I rather like this after
all. How long can we stay like this?"
"For as long as you like, dear. Now just
close your eyes, I know you are exhausted."
In less than five minutes, Rose had
surrendered to sleep. A short while later, though she of course didn't realize
it, Rose began talking in her sleep. Asking not for Jack, but the one person
who was on her mind as she had fallen asleep.
"I'll be a good girl, Mommy, I
promise...I miss you." It was soft but very distinctly heard.
"Mommy..." Rose began to whimper in her sleep. Catherine stroked
Rose's hair, trying to calm her.
"Shh, it's all right, dear."
Rose continued to call for her mother.
Catherine did not know what to do. She was taking the best care of Rose that
she could, but even Catherine knew, nothing compares to your own mother. In
that respect, Catherine knew she would never be a truly fitting substitute. But
she did love Rose, and hated seeing her like this. How had things gone this
wrong? What had SHE done wrong?
Catherine was shaken out of her thoughts as
Rose's dream-state began to worsen. Rose began to shake her head back and
forth. "I won't marry him, Mother. I won't!" Catherine could see the
tears on Rose's cheeks. How much more turmoil could this poor girl endure? Catherine
wanted to soothe her in her sleep, but she feared the only way to snap Rose out
of it was to wake her.
"Rose," Catherine began, softly,
but still as firmly as she could. "Wake up, now, dear. It's Catherine.
You're safe right here with me." She began to stroke Rose's cheek instead
of shaking her by the shoulder and possibly startling her awake. "Open
your eyes, little one."
Rose's eyes at last fluttered open. It took
her a moment realize where she was. "Oh, Catherine...what's wrong, you
look worried."
"You were talking in your sleep, dear.
Do your dreams still disturb you like that all the time?"
Rose nodded her head. "Most of the time,
anyway," she stated softly. Rose began to think about her dreams again.
She started to cry once more. It had been so horrible. It was the day before
Rose's wedding and she was STILL arguing with her mother that she wasn't going
to marry Cal.
"Even though I'm still having these same
dreams, all I really want is her."
Without any further words, Rose closed her
eyes and drifted off. She didn't stir again until morning. Though it was not
easy, Catherine just waited patiently all night, wide-awake.
*****
As the sun rose above the horizon, Rose
became aware of the light shining in the room. Her eyes fluttered open, and she
tried to remember where she was. Oh yes, she was still sitting on Catherine's
lap. Had Catherine really put up with Rose's weight all night?
"Good morning, dear," she heard
Catherine say softly.
"However did you stay like this all
night? I must have gotten heavy. And I'm sure I wasn't even still. My dreams,
Catherine..."
"Hush, child. Actually, you were
perfectly still the whole night. That in itself gave me a fright. Now, would
you like some breakfast?" Catherine brushed a few stray hairs away from
Rose's eyes.
"No, I'm not very hungry this morning. I
think I'll just lie down in my bed and try to sleep for a little longer."
"All right, then, dear. I can bring you
some food later. You just rest." Rose got up from Catherine's lap, went to
her bed, and climbed in. Almost before Catherine left the room, she was asleep.
But, coming as no surprise to Catherine, her sleep was very fitful. Again.
*****
Catherine didn't know what to do anymore. It
had taken so long for her to get Rose to come out of the first ordeal, and it
looked like it was just repeating itself. "Rose, wake up. You're only
dreaming, dear. Please wake up. You're safe now."
Rose opened her eyes, and seemed not to
recognize Catherine for a moment. "I was dreaming again, wasn't I? I don't
think they'll ever stop, Catherine. Please make them stop." Rose pleaded
with her voice, and with her eyes.
"You're the only one that can do that,
dear. Now tell me what your dream was about and maybe I can help you."
"I...uh...don't really remember, but I
know Cal was in it. And I think Jack was there too." Rose closed her eyes
trying to remember. "It wasn't on the Titanic, but there were a lot of
people. Does this make any sense?"
"Often times, dreams don't make sense.
Sometimes they are just plain confusing. I want you to try something...before
you go to sleep the next time, think of the happiest memory you have. It could
be a person, a song, or anything you want it to be. Just keep your mind focused
on it until you fall asleep. Will you do that for me?"
Rose nodded her head. "Yes. I think I
can do that."
"Good."
Rose closed her eyes once more, and all she
saw in her mind's eye was her father's face. She thought about all the time he
spent with her, all the things they had done. But as she drifted off, her mind
turned again.
"Rose, my darling, you have to try to
understand. I don't want to leave you, not at all. But I'm dying. The doctors
have done all they can. I tried my best to get well, for you. But there is no
chance of that now."
Then her mind leapt ahead...to seeing his
body, lying there in the harsh light. And sleep would hold Rose no longer. Rose
woke up in a fit of sobs. Being such a beautiful day, the sun's rays shone into
Rose's bedroom with brilliance. When she noticed this, it only made her more
sorrowful. She turned on her stomach and pulled a pillow over her head.
Catherine entered Rose's bedroom when she
heard Rose scream in her sleep. She saw the poor girl hiding her head under a
pillow, mumbling to herself and kicking her legs.
"Rose, dear, whatever is the
matter?" She rushed to Rose's side.
"Keep the light out, Catherine! I don't
want it in my eyes. I saw...I found Daddy the day he...he died, and the light
was so bright it hurt. I didn't want to see that, I didn't!" That would at
least explain her not wanting the light in the room before...and now.
As quickly as she could, Catherine shut the
drapes. It was definitely coming back. "It's gone, Rose. No more
light." Catherine sat on the bed next to Rose and tried to comfort her,
but Rose did not seem to want to respond. She at last sat up and looked
Catherine in the eyes. But then her attention was directed to Catherine's
right. What was Rose staring at? 'Oh, no. Please tell me she isn't seeing--'
"Jack," Rose said softly.
"Jack, I've missed you. Where have you been?" As Rose went on talking
to Jack as if he were there, Catherine tried to think what to do. She had no
idea. Then, a dark thought crept into her mind. 'Perhaps I should put her in a
hospital. I'm no doctor. I can't fix this. And she just keeps slipping further
and further away.' But she couldn't do that. She, of all people, knew that Rose
would only get worse there. She needed love and support right now more than
anything. What she really needed was her mother. Catherine sighed.
Rose still went on talking with her
"Jack." It seemed to Catherine that he must have been talking back to
her, for she began to smile and respond back again, and again.
'Oh my.' "Rose, dear, I think it's time
for Jack to be going now."
"He says he doesn't want to go,
Catherine. He wants to stay here with me." Rose smiled.
"Jack," Catherine turned to where
Jack was supposedly standing. "Would you be so kind as to let yourself
out? Rose and I have some things to discuss in private."
When the frown formed on Rose's face,
Catherine knew he had left.
"Catherine, why did you do that? That
was rude. He wanted to stay."
"I'm sorry, dear. But please just listen
to me. We need to talk some more about what happened when I came in. You said
you saw your father dead. How old were you then?"
Rose was still upset but she figured the
sooner she talked, the sooner Jack could come back. "I was
about...fourteen, just turning fifteen then. Daddy didn't want to stay in the
hospital; he wanted to stay at home. He knew he was dying, but obviously he
couldn't do anything about it. Mother insisted on keeping the drapes open,
because she 'didn't want it looking like a room of death.' Then I found him
that morning..." She became silent.
"It was so horrible, I can't even
describe it. But as soon as I saw him, I knew he was dead. And I just started
screaming. One of the maids told me afterwards that it took her twenty minutes
to calm me down. My mother didn't even come to see what was wrong. I don't
think she cared. My father was just so good to me. I didn't know how I could
live without him."
"You'll never truly be without him,
dear," Catherine comforted her. "He'll always be in your thoughts,
and in your heart."
"I know that, now, but I was younger
then. He was the first person that I was really close with to die. It just hit
me really hard, and I didn't know what to do. Mother didn't make matters any
better. She almost appeared she was happy when father...left us."
"Well, I can't speak for your mother,
but I am sorry she was insensitive to you."
"I made it through that on my own,
that's all. It's all right. I still miss him, but...well, I've just tried to
get used to not having him here. I have felt him nearby lately though."
Rose smiled a bit, but Catherine was worried, instantly wondering if this was a
sign of further trouble to come. Choosing her words carefully, Catherine tried
to respond. "I'm sure his spirit has been watching over you. He was
obviously a very dedicated father." Rose just smiled and nodded her head.
"Now, are you hungry yet?"
"No, not yet. Please, just let Jack come
back now. He'll make me feel better, I'll be all right."
Catherine sighed. "All right, dear. But
I'm going to bring you something within the hour. You have to eat." Rose
just looked annoyed and sat there waiting for Catherine to let Jack back into
the room.
Catherine didn't know what to do. All she
COULD do was let Jack back in for the time being. "Jack..." She felt
ridiculous. She was talking into thin air. "You may come back in if you
like." Rose put a smile on her face as if to thank Catherine. Her smile
widened as "Jack" reappeared through the door.
"I'll be back in an hour, Rose. You ARE
going to eat something. You're already thin enough."
Rose didn't seem to hear the last thing
Catherine said, which did not surprise her. She left Rose there, talking to no
one, and went into her bedroom to think. She had to find some way to make Rose
snap out of this. She feared that if she didn't, Rose was going to die,
literally. But she somehow knew things would get worse before they got better.