OLIVIA
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Over the next few days, a flurry
of activity surrounded the house as the day of the trip grew closer. Two large
steamer trunks were brought in to accommodate Olivia’s wardrobe, which
consisted of day dresses and gowns for the evenings.
Cal had arranged to have three
private cars for them on the train they would be traveling on. One was for them
alone, another for Marietta and Olivia’s trunks and personal effects, and the
third for McBride and Cal’s trunks. Going to California would take nearly two
weeks by train, and Olivia hoped that during that time she and Cal could find
some way to compromise and perhaps find a way to get past this gap that was
glaringly obvious when they were near each other.
It was the night before they were
to set out in the morning, and Olivia was too restless to even contemplate
sleep. As she lay in her bed, her mind simply wouldn’t shut down. She was
anxious and apprehensive about what lay ahead, and nothing she did made it go
away. Finally deciding that a cup of tea would do her good, she slid from her
bed and made her way down to the kitchen, not bothering to disturb Marietta.
She certainly could make herself a cup of tea with out a fuss.
Once she entered the kitchen, it
took some searching to find what she needed, only having been in here a few
times. As the lady of the manor, it was her duty to arrange the meals, but the
kitchen was off limits to her. As she rummaged through the pantry, she heard a
commotion behind her.
"Mrs. Hockley, what are you
doing?" a raspy voice asked.
Olivia spun around to see Tessie,
the cook, looking at her as if she had lost her mind. Olivia quickly covered
her mouth to keep from laughing. The woman had her hair tied up in rags with a
kerchief over them to keep them in place, which made them appear to stick up
from her head. Her long white gown and robe made her seem twice as large as she
was.
Clearing her throat, Olivia
straightened and faced the rotund woman. "Hello, Tessie. I’m sorry I
disturbed you. I was trying to be quiet."
Frowning, Tessie looked at her
skeptically. "Pardon me, ma’am, but is there something you needed?"
"Well, I had thought a cup
of tea sounded good, but now I’m not so sure."
"Tea?" she repeated
hesitantly. "I see…well, I’ll have it ready for you momentarily." She
gave a short nod and proceeded to lift a silver canister from the shelf.
"Tessie, don’t bother."
Olivia stepped closer. "I’m sorry I disturbed you. It’s too late for tea
after all. I’ll just have a glass of milk, if that’s okay."
"Milk?" she repeated
again, and tried not to show her impatience. "If you want to tea, ma’am,
I’ll make you tea. It’s no bother."
Olivia knew it very well was a
bother, and was sorry she had even come down here. "No, milk is fine,
Tessie. Thank you, anyway."
The woman bustled over to the
icebox, lifted a pitcher of milk out, and poured Olivia a glass. She handed it
to her and then stood watching her, as if waiting for her to finish. After a
few sips, Olivia was self-conscious of her actions. Finally, standing it no
longer, she lowered the glass and smiled as sweetly as she could manage.
"I think I’ll just take this to my room to finish it. You can go back to
bed now, Tessie."
Tessie grasped her hands in front
of her and gave another short nod. "Very well, Mrs. Hockley. Good night,
then."
"Good night," Olivia
answered, and then left the room as quickly as possible. She walked across the
hall toward the staircase, covering her mouth against the laughter that bubbled
inside of her. She hadn’t felt this way since before she was married, when she
and Emma used to sneak down to the kitchen at night. When she reached the
bottom step, she paused and determined that she wasn’t ready to retire to her
room just yet.
She decided that sitting out on
the portico was much more appealing than going back to her empty room. Ever
since her accident, when she had been housebound, she sought the openness
rather than confinement more times than not.
As soon as she stepped out onto
the expansive area, she felt relief wash over her. If she couldn’t have tea,
she would have the night air. She sat back on a lounge chair, letting her pale
blue gown spread out over the sides and lightly touch the ground. A cool breeze
settled over her skin and felt wonderful. Setting the milk down, she lifted her
long hair, drawing it to one side so that it draped across her right shoulder.
She sighed and felt herself begin
to relax. She closed her eyes and let the feeling of the breeze and the night
sounds around her work on her jagged nerves. There was something so magical
about the night, something that was comforting and warm like a blanket that
covered you. Olivia smiled softly as thoughts of another time filtered through
her mind. It was before Cal and before the marriage, when she was still young
and free and didn’t have the worries and problems she had now. When she went to
parties and balls and danced the night away with handsome young men who waited
to see if she would put them on her dance card.
She began to hum a tune that she
used to dance to, one that was her favorite during that time. She was lost in
the melody, her voice lilting sweetly in the night. A slight sound in the
distant caused her to pause for a moment as she opened her eyes to look around
her. The slight tinge of smoke permeated her nose, and for an instant, she
froze. She sat up and tried to look further out in the distance, but still she
didn’t see anyone.
"Olivia!" Someone
called her name.
Frowning, she turned toward the
direction it came from. "Who’s there?" she called. From out of the
shadows, a figure stepped closer. Olivia’s heart began to flutter in her chest
as she watched him move toward her. When he finally stepped out of the shadows,
he nodded toward her.
"Cal." She said his
name breathlessly. "What are you doing out here?"
"I could ask you the same
question," he said, drawing on the cigarette one last time before throwing
it aside. "I heard humming and wondered where it was coming from."
Leaning back in the lounge,
Olivia adjusted her gown as she answered him. "I couldn’t sleep. I thought
maybe the night air might help."
"I thought the same
thing." He pulled a chair close to hers and sat it facing her. "Funny
you should be out here as well," he mused as he looked down at her.
"I was just thinking about you."
She looked at him for a moment
and saw the small smile that played on his lips. Oh, but he was handsome. That
was something that was undeniable. With his shirt untucked and hanging loose
and his hair slightly mussed, he looked almost like a boy rather than the
empowered man he actually was.
"You have a beautiful voice,
Olivia."
"Thank you," she
replied as she looked up at him.
"I…" He paused for a
moment. "I want to tell you again how glad I am that you’re accompanying
me on this trip. I know the decision was not an easy one to make."
Lowering her head, she released
the breath she had been holding. What was happening? Why was Cal doing this?
Was there an ulterior motive behind his seemingly humble actions? It was so
unlike him to be this calm and unassuming towards her. True, he had been trying
for weeks to make things better, but she had been so blinded by her own hurt
that she couldn’t see past that.
Cal moved from the chair to sit
on the side of the lounge so that their legs were touching. Olivia jerked back
for a moment, causing his eyes to cloud over. "Please don’t," he
whispered. "Olivia, you don’t know how it feels when I see the hurt and
distrust in your eyes. I wish I could make you understand my actions, but I
can’t. The relationship between myself and my father is complicated, and far
too involved to try to explain it to you."
"I can’t help it." She
shook her head forlornly. "I feel used and betrayed by you. Had I known
from the first, I would have tried to understand, but instead I had to hear it
in the most vulgar of ways. I feel humiliated that everyone seemed to know the
reason behind this marriage except for me."
"I do regret that. If I had
it to do over, I would do things differently. You must believe me."
"I don’t know what to
believe anymore," she admitted. "I’m not a foolish girl who needs to
be sheltered. I know how our lives work, and I know money is the wheel that
keeps them turning. But money is not the issue here. It’s my faith and trust in
you. You took something beautiful and wonderful and turned it ugly and
repulsive with your secrets and dismissive attitude."
He sat back and closed his eyes
for a moment before turning them back on her. "I should have been honest
with you. I shouldn’t have kept the truth from you, but I was only doing what I
felt best at the time. Perhaps it was wrong, but it was the choice I
made."
"I want to trust you,"
she whispered. "I want to believe you, but--"
He shook his head and placed his
finger on her lips. "Then give me the chance to make it right."
She grasped his hand and lowered
it. "I want to…" she breathed as she shook her head. "…but how
can I live with you without having your love? How can I when I know that your
heart belongs to someone else, even as we speak? What you’re asking of me is
unfair, Cal." She broke then, and quickly stood to separate from him.
Cal was behind her in a matter of
moments. He took her by the shoulders and buried his face in her hair. "I
know I hurt you. I know I did. It was not my intention to do that."
Tears welled up in her eyes as
she stood there listening to him. She felt herself lean into his chest as her
resolve began to break. He slid his hands around her waist and kissed her neck.
"Give me another chance,
Olivia. I’m not perfect. I never will be. I can’t promise you everything will
always be wonderful, but I will try my hardest to make you happy. Just give me
a chance to undo what I’ve done."
She closed her eyes as his warm
mouth moved over her neck and shoulders. She shuddered, and he tightened his
hold on her when she did. He turned her around to face him and cupped her face
in his hands. "I have missed you. I’ve lain in that lonely bed without you
and missed hearing your soft breathing when you’re asleep. It’s been torment
knowing you’re only doors away and I can’t come to you."
She was torment of her own right
now, unsure of what to do. Her body burned from his touch, but her mind was
still holding on tightly to the wall she had erected against him. She gripped
the sleeves of his shirt, not answering, not moving, barely breathing as she
looked into his eyes.
"Please," he whispered
hotly. "I need you. I need you so much."
She opened her mouth to speak,
but nothing came out. Sensing her defenses breaking down, he pulled her even
closer to him and stared intently down at her. "Will you come to me
now?"
A whirlwind of emotions rocked
her as she looked at him. Love, lust, hurt, betrayal, forgiveness, and need
gripped her tightly. She breathed heavily as she tried to form a complete
sentence in her mind. "I…" she managed, but suddenly, as if a dam had
broken, the words spilled from her. "Yes! Yes!" she moaned.
"Yes, I will come to you."
He lifted her then, and began
kissing her hotly. Olivia responded with all of the emotions she had kept
bottled up inside of her for months now. She knew there was far more mending
that needed to happen, but for now all of that was pushed aside as passion and
need consumed her. She gave herself to him completely, without holding anything
back. What happened to them in the shadows on that portico was something Olivia
had never experienced in her life. It was as if time stood still, and for a
while, it did.
He was her husband. She knew she
still loved him in spite of it all, and deep down inside, she knew he loved
her. He was a complicated man, and beneath that hard exterior, there was a
lonely boy who needed love and assurance as much as anyone did.
As the night wore on, their
lovemaking turned slow and passionate. They finally made their way to their
room where, over and over again, a small bridge was made in the gap that had
been between them. She lay there, exhausted, wrapped in his arms when he
finally fell asleep, and not long after, she followed him, soothed by the
steady beat of his heart beneath her ear.