OLIVIA
Chapter Thirty-Four

Olivia stopped in front of the parlor door to catch her breath. She smoothed down her dress and tried to calm her jittery nerves. She had to remain composed for both of their sakes. Pasting a smile on her face, she entered the door and greeted everyone.

"Olivia." Constance stood from her chair and came over to her.

"Mother." She smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "How are you?"

"Darling, I have so much to tell you." She shook her head dramatically. "But first, let me look at you."

Olivia stepped back as her father came over to her and hugged her. "How are you, my dear?"

"Tired," Olivia admitted. "But glad to be home."

She looked over at Cal, who was leaning against the bar with a drink in his hand, looking at her rather oddly. She smiled at him to try to mask her true feelings. That was when she noticed Nathan and Elizabeth nearby, both sitting on the couch smiling at her.

"Mr. and Mrs. Hockley," she greeted them. "How lovely of you to come to welcome us home."

"Olivia, dear." Elizabeth held out her hand in a gesture for her to come over. Elizabeth Hockley was a demure woman, but her demeanor belied the strong backbone and constitution she possessed. She was a true matron of society, her elegance a mark by which most set their own standards. She was always impeccably dressed and she always wore a soft smile. She was a beautiful woman even at this stage of her life, with sable brown hair and warm, golden eyes that seemed to take you right in.

Olivia came over to her mother-in-law, kissed her cheek, and did the same for Nathan. He smiled knowingly at her, almost smug in his appearance. She gave him a puzzled look before Constance called for her again.

"Well, Olivia, Cal has told us of your news. How wonderful that you are giving us another grandchild."

Olivia felt her heart fall to her feet. Her eyes met with Cal’s, and he lifted his tumbler to her. She smiled stiffly and cleared her throat as she walked over to where he stood. "I haven’t seen a doctor, so I’m not completely sure of my condition," she finally managed to get out.

"You must see your doctor right away, dear," Elizabeth said in a no-nonsense tone. "After all, you’ve traveled quite a distance and you must take every precaution to assure a healthy confinement."

"Yes." Olivia nodded. "I intended to have Dr. Covington come out first thing."

Elizabeth smiled at her, pleased that Olivia was being so sensible.

"Don’t worry, Mother. I have the good doctor coming out in the morning to check her over," Cal said as he took a sip from the brandy decanter.

The conversation continued on, with their parents quizzing them on the trip…what they saw, what they did, where they went. She glanced over at Cal, who was now going for his second drink. Every now and then, she would see him looking intently at his father.

"Olivia," Constance said to her, breaking her from her thoughts. "I hope you’re feeling better by the time of Madeline Carter’s Autumn Ball. It is the event of the season, you know."

"Oh, yes," she acknowledged. "I am looking forward to it." Madeline hosted her Autumn Ball every year at this time, and it was one of the most highly anticipated events of the year. She spared no expense, as it was the most sought-after invitation. Anyone who was anyone was expected to be in attendance. She, Thalia, and Charlotte, who was also Madeline’s niece, were allowed to go for the first time the year they made their debut.

"Madeline has changed course this year, however," Elizabeth said to Constance. "This year it will be a masquerade ball. Quite clever, I think."

Olivia could tell her mother wasn’t pleased about not knowing about the change of venue. She prided herself on always having firsthand knowledge of every event. "A masquerade ball sounds intriguing," Olivia commented to smooth out her mother’s irritation.

"Intriguing? I can’t imagine what Madeline is thinking." Constance sniffed in mild reproach. "I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous."

"It was an idea I gave her after Nathan and I attended Lady Cornelia’s masquerade ball on our last holiday in England," Elizabeth answered coolly.

Olivia glanced over at her mother and saw her visibly tense. Somehow, this conversation had made a wrong turn, and she decided it was time to turn it around. "Well, I’m sure however it came about, it will be wonderful. Mrs. Carter’s events always are. Mother, did you know Nathaniel has begun standing on his own? I’m sure he’ll be walking before we know it."

Constance smiled slightly at her comment. "They are growing so fast, aren’t they?"

"Of course, he’s standing…he’s a Hockley," Nathan declared. "All Hockley males walk at an early age."

"That’s true." Elizabeth nodded. "Caledon began walking at ten months of age. Of course, after he did, the household was never the same." She laughed quietly. "I can’t begin to tell you how many governesses he went through his first two years alone."

"Thank you, Mother," Cal drawled lightly.

"Well, it’s true, Caledon. You were a handful." She smiled warmly at her son. "Every governess I brought in, you wore out in a matter of months. You were a demanding child, but then, strong, assured men usually begin that way."

"Speaking of which, I think it’s time Caledon and I retired to his office to discuss a bit of business," Nathan said, rising to his feet. "You’re welcome to join us, Charles." He turned to Olivia’s father as he spoke.

"I believe I will," Charles answered, and walked over to him.

"Father, I’m not sure this is the time…" Cal started, but stopped at Nathan’s sharp glare. A small twitch of the jaw was the only sign Cal gave of his displeasure. He slowly set the decanter down and gave a terse smile. "Of course." He nodded and headed for the door.

"We shan’t be long, ladies." Nathan gave a slight bow as he joined Cal and Charles at the door, and all three men exited the room at the same time.

Once they were alone, Olivia sat beside her mother, who immediately turned to her. "Olivia, I would like to speak with you alone, if Elizabeth doesn’t mind."

Elizabeth smiled slightly, lifting her head as she looked over at Constance. "Of course not. I’ll go visit with my grandchildren."

"Thank you, Elizabeth. I haven’t had a moment alone with my daughter in quite a while."

"If you will excuse me." She stood and walked to the door. Once she closed it behind her, Constance took Olivia’s hands.

"Darling, I am so glad you’re home. I simply have been dying to talk to you. The most dreadful thing has happened. Your sister is married and not only that, she’s with child." She barely managed to get the words out. "I’ve been sick for days worrying about her."

Olivia was surprised at her mother’s confession. She looked sincerely worried and concerned over Emma. "You’ve heard from her, then?"

"Yes. She wrote to me." She nodded unhappily. "Olivia, what have I done? I thought I was protecting her and now…now she’s married to this boy and is having his child. How could I have been so wrong?"

"Mother." Olivia squeezed her hand sympathetically. "Emma is headstrong and she always has been. I know things haven’t turned out the way you planned, but at least she’s happy and taken care of. Isn’t that what’s important?"

Constance tensed and shook her head. "No, that is not what’s important. She was made for better things than to be married to that stablehand grubbing around in some shack having his offspring. I did not raise my girls to live like that."

Olivia sighed. "But she loves Joshua, Mother. She’s happy. She truly is. Can’t you just accept it?"

Constance bit her lip as tiny tears sprang to her eyes. "When I think of my daughter living like some common street person, it just breaks my heart. How can you even ask me if I can accept it?"

"But--"

"No. I cannot and will not. At least I have one daughter who is living the life I raised her to live. You have everything I ever wanted you to have…a good husband, children, prestige, and social standing."

Olivia could only stare, not sure how to respond…a good husband, children, prestige, and social standing. The words fell on her ears like stones dropping one by one. Guilt washed over her, causing her chest to constrict. It was more than she could take, because if her mother knew the truth, it would be too much to bear.

"Darling, you have no idea how happy I am for you. I know this trip was just the thing you and Caledon needed to bring you closer together. He was just going on and on about how wonderful it was."

Olivia felt her throat tighten, but she managed to smile anyway. "Yes," she nearly bit out, but she held herself in check. "It was…wonderful, just as Cal said."

"I knew I could depend on you to be the strong one. Don’t get me wrong, I still love your sister very much, but I simply cannot condone the choice she has made with her life."

"Even if she’s happy?" Olivia asked quietly.

"Olivia, don’t you understand? She is seventeen, she is married, and she’s with child. She has blatantly thrown away every sensible thing I have ever taught her without a second thought. What is her life going to be like now? I cannot bear to think about it." She broke on the last words and turned her head aside.

Suddenly the door to the parlor swung open, and Cal strode in with quick strides over to the bar. Both Olivia and Constance turned wide-eyed to him as he picked up the decanter and sloshed a drink into the nearby tumbler.

"Cal?" Olivia questioned warily.

"Constance, forgive me, but could I ask you to leave me alone with my wife?" he asked, not turning to them, but standing rigidly with his back to them.

"Yes." She stood and glanced down at Olivia. She nodded reassuringly and then left the parlor, leaving them alone.

"Cal, what’s wrong?" she questioned, coming near him.

Cal didn’t answer, but lifted the tumbler and threw the contents back in one gulp. He slammed it down on the bar and grabbed the decanter again. "My father is what’s wrong. I knew this would happen," he muttered, and poured another drink. "It went as badly as I thought it would."

"Oh, no. I’m sorry," she offered sympathetically.

"Caledon, I wasn’t through with you!" Nathan boomed from the doorway. "How dare you just walk out like that?"

Both turned to him as he came into the room. He was coiled tight, but then, so was Cal. Olivia could feel the tension mounting with every passing second.

"I walked out because I’m through, Father. I failed to make the deal. What else is left to say?" Cal sneered toward him.

"Stop your sniveling. A real man accepts his failures and moves on. He doesn’t wallow in them," Nathan scoffed darkly.

"I’m not wallowing," Cal gritted.

"I grow weary of your excuses. I’ve had enough of them." He drew himself up. "I will not discuss this further. Be at my office first thing in the morning and we will decide where to go from there!" he snapped, and turned on his heel. He stopped at the door and looked back to them. "And Caledon, don’t be late. I expect you at eight sharp. No more excuses." And with that, he walked out and slammed the door.

Olivia had never seen Nathan behave this way, and for a moment, she felt truly sorry for Cal. She slowly looked over at him and saw that the tenseness had gripped his whole body. With a growl, he threw the tumbler in his hand across the room, shattering it against the wall.

"Damn that man!" he huffed, and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Olivia jumped back at his outburst, her eyes wide in fright. But then her husband took her by surprise and began to laugh. "Why do I bother? It’s never enough. It’s never enough!" The laughter turned over to frustration again.

Olivia stared at him for a moment, not sure what to do next. She watched as he walked over to the couch and fell back on it, shaking his head dejectedly. "It’s no use, Olivia. I will never be what he expects me to be."

She stepped forward, stopping just short of him. "Cal, don’t do this. Don’t let him do this to you."

Cal glanced up at her and smiled weakly, letting his head fall back. "Always the optimist, aren’t you? Well, I’m no fool. I know I’m no good for you either, Olivia. You deserve better than me."

"Don’t say that." She shook her head.

"It’s the truth, isn’t it? Everything I’ve done…"

"Has been for us, for our family," she heard herself say. Where those words had come from, she wasn’t sure. Suddenly the room felt closed in, as if there was no room to breathe. She turned away from him and clenched her eyes shut. She didn’t want to feel for him, and yet she did.

She heard him stand and come up behind her. He placed his hands on her arms. "I don’t deserve you."

"Cal--" she started.

"I don’t deserve you," he interrupted her quickly, lowering his mouth to her ear. "But I need you in so many ways. I don’t know what I would do without you."

She didn’t know why, but she let him hold her then, let him turn her around and pull her into his arms. "I can’t ever lose you, Olivia. You make me a better man. Better than I could ever be on my own."

As Olivia stood in the arms of her husband, she felt her heart crumble. This wasn’t fair…it wasn’t fair. She knew she loved Patrick, but Cal’s need of her was strong. Whatever he was or wasn’t, he was still her husband, and she felt a sense of loyalty to him in spite of the turmoil that he created within her.

Where did that leave her? For once, she simply didn’t know.

Chapter Thirty-Five
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