Written by Kelly T.
Based on some situations originated by James Cameron.
An empty shell stands now in my
place. I’m withering away, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I
smile no longer unless I am forced to. Mother and this entire society life I
have been raised in--all of it is smothering me. It’s all making it hard for me
to breathe. Making life harder and harder to live. My soul is corroding. I
haven’t enough strength to go on like this, but nor do I have the strength to
leave.
Cal treats me like a possession.
Like I am precious china or a priceless diamond. He expects me to stay in mint
condition for him. He expects me to follow his rules, nod my head in agreement
with every word that he says, and he expects me to give everything up for him.
He sees me as this young, innocent, untouched girl who can’t fight back. His
power over me is hard to explain.
On the outside, it seems so easy
for me to just run away if I want to, but the trouble is on the inside. It is
his mental hold on me. He won’t let me run away. He even gave me this terribly
heavy engagement ring, as if he were hoping that it would weigh me down so I
wouldn’t be able to leave. Therefore, his grip on my heart means nothing, as I
have little to no feeling for him. It is my mind he has the most power over.
Even now, I fear he can read my thoughts. It is like he knows that I am
thinking about leaving him, leaving all of this. I can usually feel his eyes
boring a hole into my back as he watches me in frightening silence.
Mother has put me in a horrible
situation. Ever since Father passed away and left us only an endless pile of
debts hidden beneath our good family name, Mother has been nearly unbearable.
She is stricter, and I don’t even know her anymore. She keeps drilling into my
head the importance of my marriage to Caledon Hockley on our future, as far as
our financial situation matters. She is no different than the rest of high
society. All of them walking around with their noses turned high in the air.
I feel like I am standing on an
unstable pedestal with my neck hanging in a noose. The rope keeps getting
tighter, and it rubs roughly against my throat. If I even move one inch in the
direction I am not supposed to, I will be hung by the oppression hanging so
thickly above my head. To leave this old life would be like suicide, for I
would likely never survive out in the world alone. But I am alone, aren’t I? I
haven’t a friend in the world to talk to. There is my maid, Trudy, but whenever
I begin to open up a bit and confide in her, Mother comes along and tells her
to go make tea or something.
I can’t take this anymore. I am
alone. I am empty. I am stuck. I need to break away from all of this, or I
swear I won’t be able to live long. Whether I take my own life or I crumble under
Cal’s pressure, I won’t last long.
I have to escape this life, but I
don’t know how. I may never know. Then I will be stuck here forever. I’ll never
get a taste of the world. The world that those who are free live in. I want to
be like those people who can marry who they want, do what they want, and feel
like they have contributed to the world. I haven’t worked in my life.
Everything has been handed to me. I have to break free. I must. But so far, I
cannot find the strength to leave. To walk away into the clouds, to scatter the
ashes of my old life to the wind. To shed my old life and start anew. But it’s
only a dream. I am doomed to be Mrs. Caledon Hockley, and nobody can save me.
Nobody can save me from this awful fate of the life I am supposed to lead, and
most of all nobody can even save me from myself.
The End.
