ROMANOV AUTUMN
Chapter Twenty-Nine

It was a strange feeling after the final performance was over, for the ballerinas and their male partners were allowed a month-long holiday afterwards. "Maybe you can go home to Russia for a while," Jack suggested to Alyiah as they sat by the lake, enjoying the sound of the water lapping up against the bank. She looked at him, and smiled kindly.

"No," she replied. "I do not go home again until December. My family home is very crowded, and they cannot afford to keep me but twice a year."

Jack frowned, turning away from her for a moment, and watched as a few birds drifted past.

"What do you do, then, during this break?" he asked, and she stretched out across his lap, allowing the bright sunshine to warm her slightly pale cheeks.

"We rest," she replied simply, and he began to laugh heartily, making her grin. "What is so funny?" she asked, beginning to tickle him, and of course, this only made his laughter increase.

"Stop! Stop it!" he begged, trying to defend his sides and stomach from her wrath. "Je me rends! Je me rends!" he added, without even thinking, and the expression of surprise on Alyiah's face was hysterical.

"You just spoke French without even thinking, Jack Dawson," she teased. "Are you taking private lessons behind my back?"

He laughed again. "You learned my secret," he replied. "I've been reading up on my French so I don't look like an idiot in front of you when we're in public."

Alyiah giggled. "You never will," she replied, and kissed him once more. "Jack, tell me about Wisconsin," she added, and he raised an eyebrow, surprised by the random question.

"Er..." He cleared his throat. "There's not much to tell, I'm afraid," he admitted. "I come from a really small town called Chippewa Falls."

"Falls? Are there really waterfalls there?" Alyiah asked, excited, and Jack smirked.

"Nope," he replied. "Well, if there are, I haven't been far enough out into the wild to see them. But I'm pretty sure there aren't." He paused. "My house is way out in the country, so our nearest neighbor is a good mile or so down the road from it. There are patches of blueberries and raspberries in the summer, so my mother and sister used to go and pick them when the timing was right."

Alyiah sighed happily, picturing a beautiful countryside, and he continued telling her about the town. There was a factory, a post office where you could also send telegraphs, a dry goods store, a small school, a hotel, and a small restaurant.

"It sounds lovely," she said, and he shrugged.

"It's home," he said, and she peered at him curiously.

*****

Throughout their month off, Jack took Alyiah to London, where they met up once again with Josephine Millard, who had shared ground with Jack while he worked on his art. She was impressed by his stories, and appeared to be slightly jealous of the adventures he had experienced.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Alyiah," Josephine spoke before they decided to leave for the time being. Alyiah nodded respectfully, and followed Jack once again. She was fascinated with London's architecture, and impressed by what Jack knew of its history.

They were able to visit Ireland for a short while, as well, because the two countries bordered each other and it did not take much time to travel between them. Jack taught Alyiah how to Irish dance while they were in a pub, and the two of them were hopping and twirling each other about, laughing as the crowd clapped and whistled to their steps.

*****

It was not until Alyiah began to feel ill with rather serious bouts of nausea that they decided to return home to Paris quickly. Jack watched with concern as she continuously retched into a basin, shaking and trembling after each bout. She lay in an almost comatose state afterwards, and he sat holding her hand and blotting her forehead and cheeks with a damp rag. "What's wrong with her?" he asked the doctor after she went through a small check-up, and the physician pulled Jack into the hallway.

"I believe she is in the early stages of pregnancy," he replied, and Jack felt his heart stop in mid-beat. Alyiah was pregnant--oh, God.

"Are you sure it's not a stomach virus? We've been traveling, so she may have picked it up in England or Ireland."

Dr. Garnier smiled at him. "She was able to tell me you had sexual intercourse twice within the past month, and I have seen other signs I recognize," he explained, and Jack felt embarrassment bubbling slightly inside of him. He had not planned on getting Alyiah pregnant before they gained approval for marriage from her parents. If this were indeed true, how would they ever trust him?

"I see," Jack began softly, and Dr. Garnier touched his shoulder.

"She will begin to feel better in a couple of weeks; she is experiencing what we have begun to call morning sickness, as that is most often when it occurs."

Jack cleared his throat, and Dr. Garnier cocked his head to one side. "You seem troubled, lad. I

would think her pregnancy would be a joyous occasion. It is a wonderful time in a woman's life."

He managed a faint smile.

"I understand," he replied. "But...we're not married. I...her parents have not even approved of our relationship yet."

Dr. Garnier understood at once. "Well, in that case, if you take care of her during this difficult time and prove yourself worthy, I am sure they will approve."

Jack listened as Alyiah gave a small moan from the bedroom, and it was taking every ounce of effort not to rush in there at once. "Thank you, Doctor," he said quietly, and Dr. Garnier nodded.

"You're welcome. Do not hesitate to call for me if the need arises. Good evening."

Jack watched as the physician left the room, and immediately went to sit by Alyiah's side. She cracked open her eyes halfway when she felt him take her hand, and smiled gently.

"Did he...tell you?" she asked, her voice hoarse and weak from her illness, and Jack kissed her forehead.

"Yes, he did," he replied. "We're going to have a baby."

She smiled faintly, and reached up to touch his cheek. "Do not worry so," she begged. "It will be all right."

He took her hand and pressed it against his lips, hating to see her this way. It broke his heart, and he knew if it was possible, he would take the pain and discomfort from her in a heartbeat.

*****

Mme Artoire was, of course, thrilled at the idea of Alyiah's pregnancy, but very concerned at the same time. The idea of the young woman dancing while in this position was risky, both to herself and to the child she would soon bear.

"I want you to consider passing the role in The Nutcracker to one of our other ladies," Mme Artoire suggested, once Alyiah was well enough to sit for periods of time. The nausea was lessening considerably, which was a relief to both her and Jack. "Perhaps you should think of retiring early? I do not mean to insult you, child, but I fear for your health more than anything."

Alyiah looked at Jack, who raised his eyes at her with a small shrug. He did not want to be the one to tell her what to do.

"I do not know," she replied, and Mme Artoire smiled kindly.

"Give it some thought, my dear," she replied, and Alyiah nodded softly, allowing Jack to help her to her feet.

The news that Alyiah was pregnant naturally traveled through the company like wildfire. Jack watched as her companions swarmed about her with congratulations, asking if she had thought of names yet, or what she thought she might need. Alyiah seemed to grow more and more excited about the prospect of being a mother as she listened to the suggestions given, and told Jack so when they sat together once again by the lake.

"I think it will be wonderful to be a mother," she said as she picked a stray blade of grass, and Jack turned towards her. "I do wish for a little girl, though. I have always wanted a daughter." She eyed him curiously, as though expecting him to disapprove. Jack smiled; naturally the thought of having a son was on his mind, but he knew either would be well received. "What is on your mind, darling?" she asked, and he sighed softly, fiddling with the cuff of his sleeve.

"Nothing," he replied, and she frowned.

"There is surely something," she added. "You have been very quiet." She touched his face and encouraged him to look her directly in the eye. "What?"

He shrugged. "I just...I can't help but worry that your parents will think my intent was only to get you pregnant and leave," he said, and her eyebrows raised.

"What?" she asked, shocked, and he lowered his eyes again. "Jack Dawson, you are being ridiculous! Of all the stupid things I have ever heard pass your lips!"

He managed a faint smile. "I just can't bear to lose you," he whispered brokenly, and she pulled him into a warm embrace.

"Nor will you," she said, and he breathed in her sweet, natural scent.

"December is ages away," he thought aloud, and she chuckled, placing her hands in his.

"Yes, but it will come very quickly," she replied, kissing him on the cheek. "One thing I will warn you of, however, is my brothers."

He frowned, not liking the sound of this. "What about 'em?" he asked, and she gazed at the water for a moment before turning back to him.

"It is a tradition in Russian families to test the potential groom," she continued, and Jack blinked, still not quite understanding. "In many different ways. I wish I could warn you of what these tests may be, because I do not know. I just want you to be forewarned in case."

Jack swallowed, nodding his thanks, and turned away again. "You are doubting this?" Alyiah asked softly, and he jumped.

"No," he replied. "I just...I don’t know." He shrugged.

"Do not let them frighten you," she added with a smile, which he forced himself to return. What am I getting myself into? he thought, hugging his knees to his chest.

That summer was one of the hottest Jack ever remembered. Alyiah agreed to turn the lead role in The Nutcracker over to Gabrielle, who was thrilled by the idea. This, of course, did not stop Alyiah from participating in a smaller role as she had in past performances. Due to the excessive heat and humidity, she fainted several times on stage under the stifling glare of the lights.

When Jack tried to convince her to stop dancing before she killed herself, she immediately snapped at him, insisting she would be all right and not to hover over her so often. Jack knew not to let her irritability bother him too much; according to Doctor Garnier, it was a common symptom. Alyiah always apologized for her irrational behavior later, and Jack insisted it was all right.

"It is not," she sobbed as he held her after one of their latest rows. "I am being dreadful to you, and you are only trying to help."

He rubbed her back soothingly, wiping the tears from her face. "Shh," he soothed, and she hiccoughed, accepting a light kiss on the lips.

When she reached her sixth month of pregnancy, she was finally beginning to show a bit of a belly.

This, of course, made it difficult for her to fit into the costumes provided for the performance, and Mme Artoire had no choice but to dismiss her.

"This is ridiculous, Alyiah," Mme Artoire said as they sat in her office after another of Alyiah's fainting spells. "You are going to make yourself desperately ill if you continue in this way. I care about you too much, and will not risk you or your child's health over the matter. Now, you may continue to board with us until you are ready to return to Russia after the performance, but I am begging you on my knees not to continue dancing."

Alyiah looked at Jack, who was trying not to show he agreed heavily with the instructor, and she turned back towards Mme Artoire. "If it is what you think is best," she replied, and Mme Artoire looked relieved.

"Good, good. Do not worry, dear...I will still provide you with your salary. You needn't worry about that at all."

Jack reached for Alyiah's hand, knowing how much this hurt her. "Merci," she said, her voice cracking a little, and Jack helped her to her feet.

As Alyiah's stomach continued to grow, she worsened healthwise. The nausea resumed itself, and she broke into sporadic fevers. Doctor Garnier eventually ordered her on bed rest until the actual birth occurred, and she refused to allow Jack to sit beside her all the time.

"I will not let you make yourself ill," she whispered, as he encouraged her to take in a small spoonful of water from a glass. Her lips were so dry and cracked, her eyes glazed. "You must rest, or go out into the fresh air. No, Jack," she interrupted when he started to protest, and he closed his eyes, having to turn away for a moment. "Please. It is my request."

Elise found Jack wandering alone along the lake one evening, and rushed to check on him. "Are you all right?" she asked, noticing the faraway look on his face, and he turned to her.

"Alyiah...is she..." he breathed, and she touched his arm.

"Still the same," she replied calmly. "There has been no change."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do. "Oh..." He felt tears filling his eyes, and at once, Elise drew him into a hug, encouraging him to cry if he needed to. Jack held onto Alyiah's good friend, his shoulders shaking with quiet sobs.

"She is going to be all right," Elise promised. "Alyiah is stronger than she appears. She will have a beautiful baby, and her parents will be very proud when they see you."

Jack gave a great sniff and apologized for losing it, and Elise chuckled. "There is no reason to be

sorry, Jack," she promised. "Why men feel as though they cannot display emotion has always remained a mystery to me." She produced a clean handkerchief, which he accepted gratefully, and cursed when a gentle rain began to fall. Elise grabbed his hand at once, and the two of them ran as fast as they could back to the campus. They were soaked to the skin when they entered the theater, which was the closest building, and Jack suddenly began to laugh. Elise stared at him, and she began giggling as well.

The sound of the rain thundered against the roof of the theater, and their laugher mingled with the crashes of thunder echoing throughout.

"I am afraid my dress is ruined," Elise sighed once they were sitting, and Jack shivered, the damp chilling his bones. "But no matter, I have many others to take its place." She winked at him, and Jack smiled softly, hugging himself to keep warm.

When the rain finally seemed to cease, the two of them headed back to their separate rooms, where

Jack gratefully changed into dry clothes. He ruffled his hair with a towel, smirking as it stuck out every which way. He went to visit Alyiah a short time later, and found her sound asleep. Her breathing was slightly labored, and her hair plastered against her forehead with sweat.

*****

Jack was furious with himself when he caught cold after having been in the rain all that time, and was bedridden himself with a slight temperature after the second day. Noel and Benjamin took shifts checking on him, bringing cups of tea when they had time between rehearsals.

"How's it going?" Jack asked as he sat, sipping his most recent mug, and rubbed his runny nose.

"Pretty well, yes," Noel replied. "It is a shame without Alyiah, but Gabrielle does hold her own."

Jack sneezed violently, apologizing, and Noel shook his head with a smirk. "Take it easy, will you?" he asked, and Jack nodded, cursing himself for his luck.

It was late that night when he heard someone knocking hard on his door, shouting for him to wake up. "Jack! Jack! Quickly! Come!" Adrien.

Jack groaned at the throbbing pain in his head due to congestion from his cold, and struggled to slide to the floor. He padded his way to the door and opened it, finding his friend still in his nightclothes.

"I received word from Elise...Alyiah has gone into labor," he panted, and Jack's eyes widened.

"What?" he exclaimed. "She can't...it's too early!" Alyiah still had a good nine weeks before the baby was apparently due; this wasn't happening. He immediately dressed, stuffing a couple of handkerchiefs into his pocket, and thanked Adrien before bolting as fast as he could out of the dormitory.

When he reached the sickroom, he found Alyiah crying out in pain from the contractions, and Gabrielle sat by her side whispering in French. "Il est tout exact. Il est tout exact..."

Jack knelt beside her, and Gabrielle looked at him wearily. "I am sorry, Jack," she whispered, and he swallowed, offering to take her place for the time being.

"Has the doctor been sent for?" he asked, as Alyiah sobbed in pain, and he allowed her to grip his hand.

"Yes," Gabrielle replied. "But he is in the middle of another patient's care, so he may not arrive for an hour or more. Oh, Jack, I am frightened..." Her eyes teared up, just as Mme Artoire came into the room, followed by Elise.

"Jack, you should not be here with a cold," Mme Artoire scolded, and he looked at her.

"I have to be," he replied. "It's getting better, and I'm..." He paused to sneeze, and was blessed by all three women at once.

"You should return to bed, and we will report to you of her condition," Mme Artoire replied, her voice stern.

"But..." Jack continued, and the look on the instructor's face was enough to silence him. He cursed silently to himself before standing, and Alyiah gasped, reaching for his arm.

"Ne me laissez pas…sap ne me laissent pas..."

Jack felt his heart break in two, and looked at her before looking at Mme Artoire. "She is delirious with fever, Jack," the instructor said. "She does not know what she speaks of. You must look after your own health. It will do us no good if you come down with pneumonia."

Jack coughed slightly, and closed his eyes when Alyiah let out another scream of pain. He was able to pull away after a moment, and took one step before collapsing. Elise was able to catch him in her arms, though she gasped as she landed against the wall behind her.

"L'imbécile." Mme Artoire sighed, and Jack was lowered to the ground, where his cheeks were tapped and his name called repeatedly. Gabrielle reached into her purse, produced a container of smelling salt, and held it under Jack's nose.

"Not sure what good that will do." Elise sighed, but they figured it couldn't hurt to test the medicine.

Jack let out a soft moan and his eyes fluttered open; he felt disoriented, and his vision was slightly blurred.

"There you are." Elise chuckled, and he blinked again, her face coming into focus.

"Where am I?" he asked, his voice slightly slurred, and she encouraged him to sit up very slowly. He clasped his forehead in his hand, and Mme Artoire ordered the girls to take him back to his dormitory at once.

"We're bringing you back to bed," Gabrielle replied, and helped him to his feet. The world spun as he straightened up, and he had to fight against blacking out again.

Once they had him laying down in bed, Elise opted to sit beside him in case he woke with a start in the middle of the night. Gabrielle shook her head and went to wake Adrien, who looked rather annoyed at the sleep interruption.

"What happened?" he asked, and she pointed to Jack.

"He fainted when he was in Alyiah's room," she replied. "Someone needs to watch him while he sleeps. We do not want him to become too excited."

Adrien blinked stupidly, and Jack made a small noise, moving a little under the covers. He agreed at last to take the position, and sat down beside his friend's bed.

*****

Jack did not wake until late the following morning, and his eyes snapped open with a start. He found the room brightened by the sun, and saw Adrien sitting with his chin against his chest, asleep.

"Adrien?" he asked, and the older man grunted, opening his eyes. He cursed in French, massaging his aching neck, and turned to Jack.

"Oh, hello, then," he greeted with a smirk. "Are you feeling any better?"

Jack swallowed; his throat was not nearly as sore as it had been, which was a relief. "I suppose so," he replied. "Alyiah...where is she...how is she?" The memories from the previous night began flooding back to him at lightning speed, and Adrien opened his mouth and closed it. "What?" Jack asked, sitting up at once. "What do you know?"

Adrien frowned. "She had the baby early this morning," he replied, and Jack's lips turned into a smile.

"Oh, thank God," he breathed, and Adrien shook his head. "What is it? A boy or a girl?"

"It was a boy," Adrien replied, and Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Was? What do you mean, was?" he demanded.

"Jack, the baby never woke up," Adrien explained softly, and Jack felt as though he'd been struck across the face.

"You've never left this room," he growled. "How would you know?"

Adrien frowned as Jack began to get out of bed, and he stood at once. "Because Elise came and reported the news to me," he replied. "I do not lie, Jack."

Jack pushed past him, fury bubbling inside. It wasn't possible; it couldn't be true! He would arrive in

Alyiah's room and find her with a perfectly healthy child, wailing and flailing its miniature arms and legs. When he arrived, he was out of breath, and found Mme Artoire holding Alyiah, who was pale, thin, and sobbing softly. Jack clutched the doorway, his eyes growing very wide, and he searched the room for any sign of a child present.

"Mme Artoire?" he spoke quietly, and the instructor turned to him, her own eyes red-rimmed.

"How..." He stepped forward, and Alyiah refused to face him.

"Jack," she breathed. "Jack, I am so terribly sorry. So sorry..." Mme Artoire saw his expression change from curiosity to horror, and he saw Alyiah as she continued to sob.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice very faint, and Mme Artoire encouraged him to sit down before he passed out again.

"The umbilical cord became tangled around the baby's neck," she replied. "It suffocated before it was able to come out."

Jack immediately felt his stomach churn, and excused himself to rush away. He reached the bathroom belonging to the women's dormitory and began retching violently into the toilet. He collapsed against it shortly after, and began to shake with sobs himself. He was so angry; not at Alyiah, but at the situation. How could God let something so terrible as this happen? "Why?" he choked, just as Gabrielle peeked in on him, tears falling down her own cheeks.

"Jack, I am sorry," she sobbed, and he looked at her, his eyes red-rimmed and painful. "I do not know what to say..."

"There is nothing to say," he replied, standing up and pressing past her, back into the sickroom. He begged Mme Artoire to allow him time with Alyiah alone, but the instructor was not certain it was a good idea.

"She is very upset, Jack," Mme Artoire replied. "She needs time to rest, as do you. It is a very sad situation indeed."

"What did Doctor Garnier say?" Jack asked, his voice broken, and Mme Artoire smiled faintly.

"He said Alyiah will recover in time, and she may possibly bear another child," she replied, and Jack wasn't sure whether to feel relief or dread. Could he even try to go through a situation like this again? Seeing someone he loved in such despair made him ache deeper than he'd ever felt before. I could have had a son...we could have had a son...he turned and fled, the thought in his head so loud, he needed to get away. He had no idea how far he was going to go, but he was exhausted by the time he reached the lake. He collapsed on the grass, sobbing as hard and as loud as he could.

"Jack..."

Jack blinked as a strangely familiar voice spoke in his ear, and he opened his eyes, finding a ghostly figure standing before him. He recognized her instantly as Kathleen, the woman from the hotel in California he'd set free to heaven.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, and she smiled at him sadly. "I thought..." He sniffed hard, and coughed a little.

"I have not forgotten you," she said softly, and he stared. "I have been keeping watch as your guardian. It is something I wished to be appointed as, ever since you saved me from the split in the earth."

Jack swore he was having a dream, some sort of a nightmare...that had to be it! He pinched himself, but the pain that stung him afterwards and the continuous appearance of Kathleen told him otherwise.

"What do you want with me?" he asked. "Can't I be left alone?"

Kathleen smiled again. "Jack, I want you to know that your son is going to be in good hands. He was not meant for this earth."

Jack blinked. "What?" he sniffed, and Kathleen nodded.

"You are not ready to have a baby just yet, Jack. You must go to Russia, and prove yourself to Alyiah's family. If we thought you had a chance of raising the child properly, we would have allowed him to live. But you and Alyiah are not ready."

Jack swallowed hard. "How could you do this?" he asked, furious. "How could you..."

"Calm, Jack," Kathleen begged. "Hope is not lost. There will be another child, but not yet. Not yet."

Jack didn't know what to say. Deep down he knew he was not ready for a child; he had been so terrified at the prospect of arriving at Alyiah's parents’ farm in that manner. Still, how would they perceive him if they discovered Alyiah had had a stillbirth?

"Is Alyiah going to be all right?" he asked, and Kathleen nodded.

"It will take time for her to heal, but she will be fine, Jack. As will you. I want you to forget this ever occurred, do you understand? I do not want this story brought up to anyone, ever."

Jack swallowed. "Are you crazy?" he asked. "How can I forget?"

Kathleen touched him with her pale, see-through hand, and he shivered.

"You must move on, Jack Dawson. You must care for Alyiah."

"You said there would be another child," Jack sputtered. "When...do you know?"

Kathleen smiled again before disappearing into thin air, and Jack blinked, rubbing his eyes. I'm losing my mind, he thought, and he could swear he heard her whisper of, "You must move on..."

He gave a great shudder before deciding to pick himself up and go back to the dormitory. He had to be there for Alyiah.

Chapter Thirty
Stories