SEASONS OF LOVE
Chapter One
"Spoiled goods," spat Cal. He took
another swig of the drink he clutched in his hand.
"I cannot, will not marry her, Ruth. No.
She is wild, willful, and has no respect for me as a gentleman or a fiancé. I
am sorry Ruth, but the engagement is over."
"But Mr. Hockley," Ruth pleaded.
"You cannot leave us, my daughter, in this predicament."
"Why not?" Cal snorted callously.
"As I said, Ruth, the baby is not mine and your daughter has no respect
for me. She ran all over that damned ship with a third class passenger and got
herself into trouble. I will not bail you out this time."
"Mr. Hockley, Cal, please reconsider.
There will be rumors, questions asked about Rose’s condition, and the reason
behind the engagement ending." Her voice trailed off as she realized what
she was doing. She was begging.
"I will arrange for my secretary to put
the appropriate announcements in the paper. Don’t worry, all will be proper and
no one will get the truth from me. Rose and yourself may keep the clothes,
trinkets, and pieces I purchased, all except for the engagement ring, which I
would like returned to me and the Le Coeur de la Mer, which I already have. I
think that is more than generous. As to what you do about the ‘other matter’,
that is no concern of mine. I will not call to this house anymore, Ruth, and I
do not expect either Rose or yourself to call on me, although we may
acknowledge each other civilly if we meet on social occasions."
‘There ends my engagement to Caledon Hockley,
Pittsburgh steel tycoon.’ I thought bitterly as I sat at the bottom of the
stairs, listening to my mother plead for Cal’s money. I had heard enough and
went back to my room.
I remember very little of the days that
followed the sinking of the Titanic. Maybe I didn’t want to remember the terrible
pain of losing Jack, the freezing cold that tore into my soul and the weeping
and wailing of the grieving woman who cried all day and rocked themselves to
sleep at night. They looked at me with envious eyes. Her fiancé had survived.
How little they knew that I would have gladly traded places with them and been
able to mourn Jack properly.
Mother had been given a room for us, when I
was identified, shivering under a blanket and unable to speak to anyone. I
locked myself away within myself, grieving, not speaking, not eating, and not
caring. Mother was beside herself with worry, although the doctor assured her
it was just shock. Even Cal, still wearing his torn suit, visited twice,
hovering round the door as though afraid to enter. He asked if I was all right,
and was there anything I needed? I surprised by his visit and his voice, soft
as though speaking to a child. But I wanted nothing from him and he left both
times without protest. I wanted to hate him, for all he had done to me, for
framing Jack and trying to kill us. But that seemed irrelevant now. So many
people had lost a loved one, Jack was gone, and all my past life was surely
gone, too. I suspected that the times Mother left the cabin, she had gone to
speak to Cal. But I didn’t care anymore. Jack was gone and there seemed no
meaning to life. The plans we had made, the dream I had forged over those few
happy days, had gone. Jack’s name or the events on Titanic were never mentioned
out loud and I almost began to wonder if I had dreamt it all.
When the Carpathia docked, we were hurried
away to the waiting car and taken straight home to Philadelphia. What was said
in the car I cannot recall. I vaguely remember the staff lined up on our
arrival to greet us. But they had lost one of their own, Trudy, and I ran past
them and went to my room.
I was in for a bigger shock in the next few
days.
Mother came to my room and announced that the
wedding had been postponed for a few months, as it was ‘the decent thing to do
in light of the tragedy’. I was stunned. The last thing I had thought of was
that the wedding would still be taking place, the engagement was still on, and
Cal actually wanted to marry me. I must have mumbled something about the
wedding being off, but Mother was quite firm. She had spoken to Cal and assured
him how sorry I was and that the sinking had brought me to my senses.
I remember telling Mother that I did not want
to marry Cal. She was furious, telling me I should be grateful that he would
still want me after my ‘disgraceful behavior.’ Then for the first time she
referred to Jack.
"I have no idea what you were thinking
of, Rose, running around with that boy. This is what all this is about, isn’t
it? The doctor says you have shock. It is more to do with Jack Dawson."
I looked away, unable to meet her eyes. Jack
was in my every waking moment. But I would not tell her so.
"You are foolish, Rose. But at least he
is no longer in the way."
The reminder was like a slap in face.
I only saw Cal twice in the next few weeks.
He came for dinner and was very polite, but kept his distance as though afraid
to touch me or show any affection. This didn’t matter to me. He then went away
to the inquest into the sinking.
I wasn’t getting any better. I wouldn’t eat
until I made myself ill. Mother in desperation, ‘we have to get you right for
the wedding’, called in another doctor to examine me and no doubt prescribe a
magic tonic that would make everything all right.
No one told me what he found at first. He
told Mother that I was two months pregnant.
She went straight over to see Cal who had
returned. The wedding had to be brought forward. There was much to do, if this
unfortunate situation was to be resolved.
However, Caledon Hockley’s response was not
what she wanted to hear.
"The child is not mine, Ruth. I have not
been near your daughter."
Ruth sat stiffly on the sofa, clutching her
cup of tea. She watched Cal as he leaned on the fireplace, becoming
increasingly annoyed that he was trying to get out of his responsibilities.
"Mr. Hockley, you are her fiancé. Please
do not try to deny this."
Cal rubbed his forehead.
"Two months, you say? Then I tell you,
Ruth, this child is not mine. I suggest you lay the blame elsewhere."
"What are you trying to say?" She
paused briefly and put a gloved hand to her mouth. "You cannot possibly
mean…"
"I mean exactly that, Ruth. A third
class passenger is where exactly I would lay the blame."