SEASONS OF LOVE
Chapter Five
It always amazes me that with the passing of
time, how some things remain in your mind with absolute clarity, other things
fade away.
I was surprised to discover that Andrew was
not the ogre I had expected. He was quite cultured and interesting to talk too.
He took me the art gallery and listened to my views, more than Cal had ever
done. The children were very polite and well mannered, although a little
shocked to see me at first. They had no idea Andrew was going to go home with a
new wife. They were quite sweet, apart from Andrew Junior. He made it clear
from the start that he did accept me as a Mother, only ever addressing me as
Rose. He was always rude and awkward when his Father wasn’t around.
The house was large and in the better side of
town. Mother would have been pleased. Although not as lavish as the house Cal
had planned, it was substantial and Andrew had a housekeeper, laundry maid and
gardener so I didn’t have to do anything myself.
I threw myself into the role totally. After
all, this is what finishing school was about. I also knew if I understood the
household books and the housekeeping, I may be able to put some of the money
away. It was much later from doing this I discovered the Church had received a
considerable donation for helping Andrew find a wife and also that my Mother
received an allowance.
Andrew seemed a reasonable man. He was a good
father and tried to spend time with all the children, although Andrew Junior
demanded a lot of his time. Andrew Junior was keen to learn about the paper mill
business and was quite intelligent. His father was strict and on occasion
displayed a fierce temper, but largely he was fair and kind.
Only once did he ask about the baby’s father.
"Rose, I have never spoken to you about
this before. But I must ask. Does the baby’s father know about your
condition?"
I looked away.
"No he does not."
"Did you not wish to tell him or could
you not tell him?"
"Why do you wish to know?" I asked
quietly, shaking inwardly. Every day I thought of Jack and how, oh how, I
wished he was still here.
"Because I understand you were engaged
to a Mr. Hockley. I don’t want the child’s father turning up on the doorstep in
a few years time."
"That will not happen and this has
nothing to do with Caledon Hockley."
Andrew accepted this and never mentioned it
again. I knew then that Mother had kept some of the details of my pregnancy to
herself. Whether it was through shame, or for my protection, I never knew.
As we all got used to each other and I
settled in, I would go out with the children. I made a few friends, mostly
Mother’s of the children’s friends. I soon forgot about the age difference and
we were accepted as a couple. We even held the occasional dinner party, which
helped me to fit in. Andrew and I agreed on a story of how we met if anyone
were to ask, but no one did. I wondered if perhaps they knew and did not
mention it, for it was a close community. They were on the whole really nice,
people. I wasn’t lonely or unhappy. I just got on with things. Life has to go
on.
Life also went on within me and our first
Christmas together was spent with me waddling around, feeling as big as a
house. The smaller children were delighted when they were told a baby was on
the way. But Andrew Junior just stared at me and I wondered if he had made the connection
about the dates. He was only fourteen, but seemed to know more than his years
belied.
The baby made his appearance at the end of
January. It was a relatively straightforward birth and I lay propped up on
pillows, watching Andrew cradle the new baby. I searched his face for signs of
disdain or rejection, but he smiled and held the baby as if it were his own. I
watched as he counted his fingers and toes, imagining that it was Jack admiring
his child like an adoring father. I felt strange, like this was a private
moment for Jack and I and here was this man claiming this baby as his. But I
knew that was the deal and when Andrew declared the boy was to be named John
Robert I had to accept that too.
He was a beautiful baby, blue eyed and blonde
haired, the image of his Father. But there was no one to say this, as people do
when you have had a child. For only I knew Jack. As all the other children were
dark, he quite stood out, but the girls declared he looked like an angel. I
used to watch Andrew Junior watching John Robert and I wondered if the blonde
hair gave it away. But he said nothing.
Mother was informed about her new grandson
and I asked her to come and visit. She replied that as the weather was so bad
at the moment, she didn’t want to make the journey. By summer she still hadn’t
visited.
I was so busy, with a new baby and five
children demanding my time. Well, four children. Andrew Junior asked for
nothing from me although I tried to ignore this and offered to help him as much
as the others. There seemed an endless list of things to do and with school
projects and plays time flew.
April was a very difficult time. Andrew knew
we had been on the ship and put my sorrow down to the memory of the disaster.
He did not know I held John Robert out to the stars that night, to show Jack
his child. Jack was always there. Whenever I looked at John Robert, I saw Jack.
But as time went on, the pain did subside a little. Soon it was our first
wedding anniversary and I realized I only had put three dollars in the drawer.