STARTING ANEW
Chapter Three
Rose tied and retied the bow on her blouse.
Her hands were cold and shaking. Jack would be here for her in a few minutes.
The nervousness that possessed her was unlike her normal self. She had never
been nervous in Jack's presence those days on Titanic. On the contrary, he had
been a calming influence, someone who made her feel feminine and intelligent.
She could talk to him about serious things and he would not laugh. Jack would
listen to her, unlike Cal, who either ignored or insulted her. Why then was she
so nervous?
Rose tried to push the thoughts of Cal and
her mother out of her mind. She hoped that Cal was out of her life forever, but
when she thought about her mother, she sometimes had a guilty feeling. Even
though Ruth had sacrificed Rose's happiness for financial security, she must be
feeling some sadness at the death of her daughter.
"Am I right in continuing to allow
Mother to think I am dead?" she wondered.
Rose and her mother had never been close and
since her father had died, Ruth had become more distant and formal that ever.
"For right now, I have to let things be
this way." thought Rose.
That part of her life was over and that was
that. The freedom of going and saying what she wanted, and doing what pleased
her, meant more to her than all the money in the world.
"Now I have to deal with Jack,"
Rose said to herself, as she looked into the mirror. "My God, I look so
thin, so pale. I don't even look like myself. How can he possibly want
me."
When she and Jack first met, things had been
simple. There were no responsibilities, just the carefree shipboard existence.
The only crucial thing had been to stay out of the way of Cal, Ruth and the
dour Lovejoy. But now it seemed that things were very different.
Rose wondered what Jack must really think of
her. She had been so forward and bossy when she had asked him to draw her and
make love to her. But she loved him and she hoped and thought that he still
cared for her.
"Surely he wouldn't have sat by my side
and looked so worried about me, otherwise," she told herself.
That night on Titanic, Jack didn't seem to be
taking advantage of her. He had blushed enough when she took her robe off and
as for the other, well...he had looked into her eyes before they began as if to
search her soul. And he had been so gentle.
"What is done, is done," thought
Rose.
She wanted to be with Jack and do all the
things that they had talked about. But then what? Jack was a free spirit, while
she had led a very sheltered life. She would be hopeless and helpless as a
wife.
"Marriage?" thought Rose.
That topic had never come up. Somehow she
didn't see Jack settling down. And when he did, he needed a helpmate, not a
stone around his neck.
Rose finally got the bow tied and started
brushing her hair. Maybe she should tell him that they should not see each
other again, that they were not right for each other. But then she remembered
the pain she had caused him when she sent him away before.
"NO, that is not the solution
either."
Somehow, she felt that in spite of the great
differences between them, they were still soulmates.
Rose focused her attention back on getting
ready for Jack. Perhaps she should take a page out of Jack's book. Just let
things happen, as he did, and see what develops.
"He'll be here any minute now," she
remembered.
She looked at the clock in her room. It was
9:50 A.M. Jack had said he would be there at ten. Now she began to panic. Tell
him yes, no, nothing? But there was no time. She heard his footsteps in the
hall.