UNABLE TO STAY, UNWILLING TO LEAVE
Chapter One
Jack watched as Rose looked on in fear. She
was trembling now in his arms, and he couldn't believe how beautiful she
managed to look, even in the midst of trouble and chaos. All around them,
people were screaming messages for loved ones, while others began to rush the
boats. Repeatedly, he heard the officer yell, "Keep back." One woman
clutched her child tightly to herself as she was lowered into the boat.
Jack knew Rose had to go, but he wasn't
prepared for the deep and nauseating feelings he had as he thought of being
separated from her once again. As he had remained handcuffed below decks, he
imagined his drowning, never knowing she would soon be there. Cal had achieved
his wish was the only thought he recalled consistently in his mind. Then, he
had heard her voice as she raced to find him. His heart had filled with joy and
admiration all the more at how she had risked her life to find him. Remembering
how much he loved her, his arms instinctively surrounded her shoulders, trying
to keep her warm and safe.
Suddenly, gunshots erupted across the deck,
and Jack saw the weapon waving in the air. Looking quickly at Tommy and
Fabrizio, he ordered, "You guys better check the other side."
Rose stared intently at the scene around her,
and a new panic seemed to arise in her eyes, one Jack was unable to explain.
"It'll be fine, darling. There'll be another boat for the daddies. This
boat’s for the mommies and the children. You hold Mommy's hand and be a good
little girl." Right away, Jack realized why she seemed so scared. When
they had arrived on the deck and seen Colonel Gracie, Rose had told him about
her discussion with Andrews about the number of lifeboats. Now, he knew all too
well what was to lie ahead for them.
"I'm not going without you."
He turned around, to find Rose's eyes firmly
focused on his, determination mixed with fear still evident in them. At first,
he couldn't believe his ears. What was she thinking? It was her complete way to
safety. Still, her words echoed what he already felt in his heart. He didn't
want her to leave, but knew she had to. Forcing back his own tears, he
persuaded her, "No. You have to go."
She shook her head. It was the one task he
could hardly bear to accomplish. Her devotion and willingness to stay with him
moved him beyond words, but his main mission was to keep her alive. Why had
fate suddenly dealt him a bad hand? "No, Jack."
"Yes. Get in the boat, Rose."
Tears seemed to well up within her eyes, and
she simply stated again, almost begging him to give her the permission she
needed, "No, Jack."
"Get in the boat, Rose."
"Yes, get in the boat, Rose." Cal
approached them through the crowd. Quick glances of dread and hatred were
exchanged between him and Jack. It felt like a punch in the stomach, even more
painful than Lovejoy's earlier to Jack. Caledon Hockley was certainly the last
person he desired to face at that moment in time. Why did he always have to
interrupt his moments with Rose? The man did not give up.
Looking back to Rose, Jack saw the fear she
felt when Cal was nearby. It was the same fear he had seen as he had escorted
her back to their staterooms the night they met, just a two nights before, and
a lifetime ago. Anger started to unravel his calm composure, as he pondered how
Cal must have treated Rose after he had been led away in handcuffs. He fought
them back, and made his grip on her hand tighter, not wanting to let go and not
wanting to lose her again.
The arrogant man's eyes raked her appearance
over like a fire. "My God, look at you. You look a fright. Here, put this
on." He tore off his coat, throwing the steerage blanket aside. Jack grew
more flustered, his blood boiling beneath the surface. Even now, Cal was more
concerned with appearances than Rose's life. She shrugged into the garment as
Cal tried to smooth her hair.
Jack could no longer tolerate it and tore her
away from his grasp. The task was almost impossible now. "Go on. I'll get
the next one!"
"No! Not without you."