THERE YOU’LL BE
Chapter Ten
New Year’s Day, 1913
Dear Diary,
Today is the beginning of a
whole new year. All of the hurt, pain and struggle of the previous year will
now be forgotten. I will grieve for the rest of my life for the loss of so many
lives that night the Titanic sank.
How can something so tragic,
give a person something so good?
How can you be unhappy with a
man I didn’t love and board the most beautiful ship in the world?
Then suddenly be with a man I
love on a sinking ship. God only knows. But for Jack I am thankful. He’s my one
and only.
I have just under two weeks
left until I am to bring my child into the world. The thought of childbirth
frightens me to my very soul. I’m scared I’ll fail, or something terrible will
go wrong. But I pray every night I will give birth to a happy, healthy baby
girl for Jack.
He will be the most wonderful
father. I have images of him doting on his daughter and her been a little
daddy’s girl.
The child’s room is all ready
and waiting for the arrival, we’re just waiting on the twentieth of January now
so we can meet our sweet little baby who’s given me so much grieve and
sleepless nights through kicking and squirming. It certainly is going to be a
lively child, and certainly we’ll have our hands full but it will all be worth
it.
Rose Dawson
Closing her diary, Rose Dawson
hoisted herself from the bed and placed her diary back on the shelf.
She glanced at how swollen her
stomach was in the standing mirror at the bottom of her bed. Just thinking
about it made her sick with excitement. But still in the back of her mind, she
was scared of failing. Scared something would happen or go wrong. She was so
excited about the next part of her life, being a mother, but she sure would
miss been pregnant. Feeling her unborn child move vigorously inside her, causing
her stomach to church with butterflies. The feeling was incredible.
Downstairs, New Years cheer was
continuing. Jack was playing cards with Phillip an his brother Zack over a
cigarette and a beer, the children were singing and playing with their Christmas
presents happily in front of the fire and their excited shrieks could be heard
from upstairs, Anne was baking a cake for after dinner and Jean and Marie would
be expected later.
These people weren’t family, but
they made occasions like this feel more special. No one had been more
supportive or like a second father than Phillip. He was a very special person
to both her and Jack.
After sitting down to an evening
meal of chicken and potatoes, and Anne’s homemade apple pie, Phillip and his
family headed home leaving Jack and Rose alone.
It had been a long day of
celebrations and they were both so very tired.
Sitting on the sofa in front of
the warm, flickering fire, Jack held out his hands to Rose. She sat beside him
and sighed contently. Leaning her head against his shoulder, he began to gently
stroke her hair, something he knew she loved.
"I’m so tired." Rose
yawned.
"I know darling, its been a
long day of fun." Jack laughed. "Those kids are certainly a
handful." Jack sighed heavily, referring to Zack’s three sons and
daughter.
"I know they are, but
they’re dear, pretty children. Very polite and kind. They have good manners,
Jack." Rose tried to sit up, feeling discomfort. Jack held her hand and
helped her. "God, I feel like a huge whale with my bump. I need help
almost all of the time." Rose rubbed her temple, feeling a bad headache
beginning to come on. She ached everywhere, especially her breasts were very
tender and sore.
"Hey, its all worth it
though right. Yes you have a bump, but that doesn’t make you any less beautiful
in my eyes. I have to say I happen to think pregnancy is a very magical thing,
and you’ve bloomed beautifully, not just throughout been pregnant, I mean as a
woman. Gone is that spoilt, wilting flower you once was. You’ve become a very
independent beautiful young woman, with a fiery, wild, adventurous spirit which
you’ll pass on to our children." Seeing the tears well in her eyes, Jack
leant forward and gently kissed her lips. Usually she was hesitant, but this
time she wasn’t, for it was her who deepened the kiss. Lightly, he pulled away
and kissed around her face and then her neck. Rose could feel her pulse racing
like she had only once before, but she knew they would have to wait before
anything like that happened. They had only made love once, and they would wait
until the baby was born and Rose was fully comfortable to enjoy it before they
did it again.
Jack pulled Rose closer to him
into a loving embrace.
"I know this year has been
hard. Been honest I thought I would lose you at one point. I thought you didn’t
like the way we lived and would go back to Philadelphia to your mother but you
didn’t, you stayed."
"I would never go
back." Rose stated sharply. "Never, not now not ever. This is where I
belong now with you and our family."
"But what about your
mother?" Jack asked, treading carefully. Knowing her hatred of this
subject. "I know she wasn’t very pleasant but she’s your mother, maybe if
she knew she was soon to be a grandmother she would come around a bit."
Rose released herself from Jack’s
embrace and sat forward. She thought carefully, would she really want her
mother to be a part of her life again.
She loved her mother, even though
she wasn’t a very nice woman at times. But the way she had treated her at time
aboard the Titanic and before it was unforgivable. Her selfishness, her care
for only herself and society. She didn’t have an open mind and anyone who
didn’t have money was trash to her.
But how would Ruth DeWitt Bukater
react? To find out her daughter was alive and well? And married the
"gutter rat" she detested so much. Or the fact her grandchild was the
child of two people living in downtown New York, barely earning enough to
support themselves a week.
Rose thought carefully, she would
still chose this path for her life no matter what. Yes society life had given
her the clothes, the food, the luxury but it never bought her happiness of
love. She was controlled, used and expected to sit and be pretty but Rose was
one person who could never do that. This life wasn’t the best, but it was
enough. She had the necessities and her husband, she counted herself as lucky.
"I would like to see my
mother maybe one day. To talk to her. I do hope she is alright, and
comfortable. I’m sure the Hockley’s would have taken care of her after I left.
But not now, or in the near future. Those memories are still too fresh and
painful to face again yet, I need time, more time to heal before I face any of
that again."
Jack nodded, agreeing. He held
out his arm, and she leant back on him. She closed her eyes to rest them but
was asleep within minutes. Her chest rose and fell gently and she muttered in
her sleep and Jack could tell she was dreaming. He slowly rearranged a pillow
and leant her against it, before covering her over with a blanket she had knitted
for him as a Christmas gift.
He sat beside her and kissed her
hand softly before placing it over her swollen stomach. A small smile appeared
on Rose’s sleeping face and Jack thought just how lovely she looked. He thought
of drawing her, but he knew it wouldn’t come to him. Since the night the
Titanic sank, his gift had faded and every time he had tried to draw, he failed
miserably, screwing up the paper and throwing it to the bin, irritated.
I could try, I suppose, he thought. Going to find his drawing
materials, he returned a minute later and positioned himself in perfect place
where he could see his wife’s lovely sleeping face well enough to draw.
Sighing, he put charcoal to paper
and glanced at Rose. Slowly, he started with strokes, and then lines and then
he thought to add the detail.
He was surprised, just how
naturally it had come to him and before he knew it, he was sketching away like
he’d never stopped.