AUSTINS GUIDE TO LIFE
Never leave the house without your brain...wait you're austin, you dont have a brain.
Always marry your ex-sister-in-law, incest is the way to go!!
Since you dont have a brain, make sure that you get family relations in order. All nephews are your sons and all sisters-in-laws are innocent of murder.
Always let the hair on your bellybutton grow so people will know that you truly are a monkeys ass
Always say your sentences "flat" that way people will not understand what emotion you are showing. It will drive them crazy
Never be surprised that anyone in your family has bad relationships or that your sisters and mother resorted to prostitution
Never have mirrors in your bedroom for if you wake up, you might think there was a monsterous monkey in your bed
Always drop out of acting school because this is show business as long as you sit there and wear muscles shirts, you will look serious enough to be on a daytime drama.
Be a role model to mute children like your nephew Will, always make sure to teach him to talk through the monkey ass language. One shake of the head up and down if you have to go to the bathroom and two if your father hits you
Wear your hair with the sweat look fresh from the gym, no one minds about the smell since you never go to work
In relation to the previous, since you dont go to work, always wear a professional suit every now and then so you look like one.
When you grow fuzz on your face, make sure to mow it every now and again in case someone wants to kiss you
Never go to work and make money, instead always go to the gym and get a good workout
Always grow hair on your stomach, it will direct people where to go
Always make sure that when you see a child run over in the middle of the street to say :"Oh my god, it cant be". Pause for a couple of minutes and then bend down and ask the child its name.
Always chew out your spouse when he/she actually goes to work, then you will look like a real tough guy
Always critisise your wife because she has found a life outside of you
Always get your prescription drugs in so your sister-in-law can sleep with you
WRITTEN BY CARRIE a.k.a AUSTINHATER
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Email: lemonrusky@hotmail.com
