By: Princess Sunn
Disclaimer:
I don't own any of the characters, Joss does. I own basically nothing, you know what I'm talking about, just read!
Summary:
Buffy and Spike POV...neither one of them can hold in bottled up feelings.
Notes: When I first started writing fanfic, I wanted to make it Me/Spike, but then I realized how I don't like reading fanfic when people introduce all these characters who aren't in the show. So I decided to write Spike/Buffy cuz I like them together! Enjoy!
princess_sunn@hotmail.com
Please send feedback!! It keeps me writing!
*****
Buffy's POV
It's like I had said before- I can lie to my friends and I can lie to Giles, but I can't lie to myself. It's what I had said after Spike had left sunnydale to find his princess. So I can't lie to myself, especially about my feelings. And for a long time I've kept this one enormous feeling deep down inside of me. It's more forbidden than my relationship with Angel and more crazy than anything. And now I'm finally gonna come out and admit it to myself once and for all-I'm attracted to Spike. It sounds crazy!! And I hate that I feel this way, but I do! It's horrible because I know that he's tried to kill my friends and I know he was plotting with Drusilla to destroy the world, even if his heart wasn't fully in it he still was. And sure, Angel tried to kill my friends too, but he lost his soul and I had already fallen in love with him. But to like a demon that was never good! That's not in the slayer handbook, that's not supposed to happen! I know it would be so much easier to keep lying to myself and act like this feeling isn't there, but I'm not going to do that anymore. It's so huge!! But maybe now it won't matter very much. I can admit it to myself but I won't have to deal with it anymore. Spike isn't in town, so I don't have to deal with seeing his perfect form and listening to his sexy accent. But I will miss fighting with him; it was almost like sex: the raw energy and passion that we put into it. I think he might have felt it too. Hey-maybe he even has some hidden feeling for me like I have for him!! Yeah right, who am I kidding?! He hates me and he's tried to kill me! Hmmmm.... but I wonder. He had plenty of chances to kill me but he didn't....No Buffy-you're making something out of nothing! Spike's gone now, don't think about him anymore.
And Angel is gone too...he left town to go live in L.A. He said it was too much for him to handle...that it was like having me in a glass box: he could look at me but not touch me. Then he left. I know it's better this way. As long as he was still around I would never be able to get over our love. But now that he's gone I don't think about him as much and I'm actually really getting over him. And now I realize he was only my first love, but not my true love. I know that my true love is yet to come...who knows who it will be! So here's my wacky life in a nutshell: my ex boyfriend left and I'm ok with it, I'm finally admitting my true feelings about Spike to myself, and I'm sure Giles will tell me some great evil is coming tomorrow at school! But I feel better now...now that I've admitted the Spike thing I think I'll be able to get over it; it was just the whole bottled up inside feeling that was getting to me, right? Now that it's said and done I won't have to worry about it anymore and I can get on with my Slayer life. And if Spike shows up we'll have a nice little fight with some witty comments and I can stake him like I never even thought about him in any other way but an enemy, right? Well enought thinking about your neverending probs Buffy, you got school tomorrow, go to sleep!
Spike's POV
Bloody hell!! My unlife is really starting to piss me off! Everything's all nice and peachy with my Black Goddess by my side ruling the Hellmouth until that wanker Angel decides to trade in his soul for a shag fest with the Slayer. Then he comes and mucks everything up with me and Dru and I'm stuck in A BLOODY WHEELCHAIR! Then when the bloody wanker is finally in hell, Dru leaves me and I go back to Sunnyhell only to find that Soulboy's back from hell!! And him and the Slayer are all lovey-dovey like neither one of them were trying to kill the other...sickening really.
And now that I've found Dru, it hasn't been the same. All I hear is, my Angel and my Daddy...when's the bloody bitch gonna get over that poof?!
Well sod this, ya know? I can live without my princess, I can survive! I'm not even sure if I love her like I used to...now it's just become an obsession to get her mind away from Angel. But I'm just gonna let her live in her little dream world with her dolls and a make believe Angelus. I'm leaving, I'm going back to Sunnyhell to find the Slayer! I can leave tonite, Dru won't even notice I'm gone, she doesn't care for me anymore. It's time that I do what I need to do...shag the Slayer. I mean kill the Slayer!! What did I just think?! SHAG THE SLAYER! Spike, you're losing your mind! I don't have feelings for that strong, beautiful, witty, delicious.....STOP! I can't be thinking this, can I? Do I really have feelings for the Slayer under all the hate I show to her? No, of course not, she's just a screwable looking Slayer and I just need to kill her and that'll get rid of this weird sensation to go to her and hold her....stop Spike! Just go and kill her!
Buffy's POV
Gawd! Could French class get anymore boring?! I swear-I really need to find a loophole in the slayer's can't hurt or kill humans rule! This teacher is so boring that it makes me think violend thoughts.......yes! The bell, I'm free! Well, almost free, still got training with Giles. Good, I need to let out some energy! I've been good this week, no yummy thoughts about Spike at all, I really think the whold admitting my feelings for him to myself that night had made me get over those feelings.
"Hey Buff! What's the up?"
"Just getting ready for some good old practice slaying down in the library, what about you Xand?"
"Nothing much, just got through with yet another round of practicing the great art of sleeping in class. I'm becoming a great master at it, think I'm ready to compete in the big leagues!"
"Hence the huge red marks on your face....so where's Wil?"
"I don't know, probably off somewhere with Wolfboy, those two are inseparable!"
"I know, isn't cute?!"
"Excuse me, person with no relationship standing here! Could we not mention the cuteness of coupleness?!"
"Hey, I don't have a beau and you don't see me whining about it do ya?!"
"Oh, yeah...right."
"Now is there some reason you're still hanging out at the school on this wonderful Friday?"
"Oh yes, forgot, I have a message for you from Giles."
"What is it?"
"He told me to tell you that there was some family emergency in London and he had to rush to the airport...he says he'll be back in two weeks."
"Wow, that's the first time I've ever heard Giles and family in the same sentence."
"I know, I had this whole he was created by a mad scientist then escaped theory going"
"Good theory....but what kind of mad scientist would create a Giles?"
"Hey, there's no need for sarcasm! It is a good theory...and an evil one, in tweed."
"Ha....ha....well, I guess I'll be flying solo with the slaying thing."
"Oh not so, I'll help you fight the uglies."
"Thanks Xander."
"Hey, the Xandman to the rescue."
"I'm sure Willow and Oz could help some too."
"Yeah, anything big happening?"
"Not that I know of, Giles usually looks into those things weeks in advance, I'm sure he would've told me if some big bad evil was brewing."
"So the usual routine graveyard check up for the next two weeks is the case?"
"That's what it looks like to me."
"Hey guys, what's up?"
"Hey Wil, where've you been?" Oh, she looks all glowy, the question is what have you been doing, I'll have to ask her later when Xander isn't around.
"Just hanging out with Oz."
"Really, so where is Wolfboy?"
"Xander! He prefers to be called Oz."
"Yeah, and I prefer to be called Superman, but I don't see that happening, so it looks he's still good old Wolfboy to me."
"Looks like you got the eye rolling action out of her Xand."
"I seem to have that affect on people."
"So, where's Giles, I'm ready to research some evil."
"He's probably on a plane to London by now....some family thing. Looks like me, you and Xander are doing the slaying gig without him for the next two weeks."
"Family thing? He's gonna be in London for two weeks?!"
"I know, we're all as shocked as you are with the family thing....wanna hear my theory?!"
"Xander...no. She doesn't want to hear the theory."
"I think I'll agree with Buffy."
"But it's such a good one!"
I swear Xander is such a nut sometimes...but a funny nut. I better go home and get ready for a patrol tonite, and then I can boogie at the Bronze.
"Hey, why don't you guys go home and I'll meet up with you later on at the Bronze. I'm just gonna get ready and then make a quick sweep and then it's a night of dancing!"
"Sounds good to me, come on Xander."
Ok, stakes-check, holy water-check, and cross-check. A quick run through the cemetery and then I'm free for the night! Ok, just one more stake....bring on the baddies!
Spike's POV
Ok, let me just run over that damn sign one more time. It's just become such a tradition. "Home sweet home."
Now to find that Slayer, I'm ready for a good old fashioned bloody fight to the death, preferably her death. Then that'll be slayer number three on my list. That'll get her out of my mind once and for all and I won't have to worry about that. Now remember Spike, kill her and don't think about her in any other way but an enemy. I think a good place to start would be the graveyard closest to the school, that seems to be her favourite hunting ground. Ah yes, there she in the distance....I'll surprise her with one of my cute little remarks as usual. This is gonna be a kick.
Buffy's POV
Ok, two vamps so far, pretty good night. Kinda dull, but I'm still doing what I came to do....ohh, here comes another one. Oh, trying to be sneaky, eh? A surprise attack from behind...well guess what I can sense you, ya moron, that's why I'm the Slayer. But I guess I'll let you have a little fun before I kill you.
"Hello cutie."
Spike!!! Oh my god, I know that beautiful British accent anywhere. No, no, no Buffy not beautiful, you're supposed to be over the attraction, you're supposed to be able to stake him with the greatest of ease. Turn around and face him and maybe no attraction will be there. Just stay cool Buffy.
"Hello Spike, what brings you back to Sunnyhell as you call it, problems with the Mrs.?" Nope, attraction definitely still there. Oh boy, really there! Just look at those cheek bones and intense eyes. I could melt right here....that body, god! Ok, Buffy stay calm, you can't let him see the side of you that wants to jump his bones.
"Actually I got rather bored with her...sick of the insane ramblings and all that garb. I'm ready to move on in my life...ya know: big house, white picket fence, wife, 2.3 children, cat and dog and all that."
I'll mother those 2.3 kids, well if you could have kids, but we can try, we can try every night baby!
"Really.......now could we please leave Sarcasm Land and come back to reality."
"Tsk, tsk Slayer, I thought you appreciated our little wit battles. But I guess not, I'm crushed."
"I never said that I didn't appreciate it Spike, I'm just really in the mood for a good fight, none of the vamps around here challenge me the way you do....but I'll try to fit in some wit between blows."
"Ok Slayer, let's go. I think I'm ready to add yet another Slayer to my list of kills."
"Ohhh, I'm quaking in my platforms, Spike." Kick! Oh yeah, time for the sex like fighting! But I don't know what I'm gonna do when it comes to part where I can stake him...or to the part where he can kill me. Maybe I can suggest some truce for some reason...gotta think, reasons why we need a truce..... Ouch, that hurt!
"So, I always wondered Spike, are you a big fan of Billy Idol or are you just trying to steal his identity?" Kick, punch, kick...
"Are you insulting the way I dress Slayer? Cuz I like the way I dress." Kick, kick, punch...
"Not insulting....just observing. It's just I don't remember the fashion in the 80's very well but you seem to have it down." Boom, kick, smack.. Think Buffy, reasons for truces....
"You know Slayer, it looks like you're not putting too much into this fight or you're insults...something else on your mind? Did Soulboy forget to call?"
"You leave him out of this."
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I hit a nerve pet?" He's so cute when he's sarcastic.
"No, it's just he has nothing to do with anything."
"Then tell me Slayer, why are you putting nothing into your fighting and why have you stopped?"
"Let's face it Spike, every time we meet we threaten each other with a fight to the death, but we never finish. No matter how many times we fight neither one of us die. We always seem to end up in a truce or avoid killing each other."
"What are you trying to say Slayer, that we don't want to kill each other?"
"I don't know, maybe!"
"I don't know if I'm following what you're saying. Are you trying to make another bloody truce?! Cuz I really don't see that happening!"
"Maybe I am looking for another truce...ya know, what's the point fighting you? We both know that no one's gonna win. Sure, it's fun fighting you.....it's like sex."
"So you just wanna truce cuz.....what?! Did you just say fighting me was like sex."
That's what I wanna see Spike, that cute little curious grin!
"Yeah...."
"Slayer, where are you going with this? Do you fancy me or something, pet?"
"Maybe...."
"Oh, so that's what this there's-never-a-winner-in-our-fights-so-let's-have-a-truce garb is about! You want me!"
"Well, it you put it that way.....yeah...ok fine, you figured me out. For the past week I've been trying to get you out of my mind but it's been hard. I don't know why I'm attracted to you I just am."
"Well......I wanna hear what's so great about me that makes you want me."
"Spike!"
"Nope, you're not squirming out of this, pet. You know how I love to brag, this will be like hearing someone else brag for me, it'll be, well....neat."
"Fine.......you're witty, and strong, and funny, and cute, and gorgeous, and your accent is awesome....do I have to keep going?"
"Yes."
"Your cheekbones are perfect, you have the cutest smile, intense eyes, and a perfect body. But most all, I like you because you can love even without a soul, something I didn't think was possible until I met you. But I think it's because somehow you still have part of your soul, even if you are a demon. God, this is humiliating, can I stop now, isn't that enough to tell you why I feel this way."
"I guess so. You know, I didn't expect you to give it up that easily. I thought I'd have to bloody force it out of you, but I guess you really wanted to say all this Slayer. "
"Yeah, I guess I needed to admit it to somebody else besides myself. I just didn't think that someone else would be you, but maybe it's just meant to be this way, right? But.....I should go now, I promised Willow and Xander I'd meet them at the Bronze. But please do me a favor, I think you owe me that after all that I've just told you. Just leave town without hurting anybody and please don't come back. Please Spike, this is all I ask of you."
Ok now Buffy, turn and walk away with your cheeks completely red.
"Wait, Buffy......don't go."
Is he actually calling me back? And did he just use my real name!?
"Yes?"
"I've been thinking about you the past week too. I left Dru to come here to see you. I convinced myself it was because I wanted you dead once and for all but that's not it. I can't lie to myself anymore Slayer, I came here cuz I needed to see you, to hold you. I guess I've always felt like this underneath it all, pet. And even though I hate to admit, my blood is screaming inside of me for you Slayer."
"Oh god, Spike. I think I love you."
"I think I love you too, pet."
Oh my god, I've never felt this good hugging somebody before. I've never felt this way about anybody, this is so much stronger than what I felt with Angel! A kiss has never tasted sweeter in my life!
"Well, pet, what a strange pair we are, fighting one minute saying I love you the next, we should be on that bloody Jerry Springer show."
"Yeah, but I like it this way....it's unruly and unpredictable. And that's the best kind of love."
"Much better than anything in the world, eh luv?"
"Yep."
The End, maybe......=)
