Before we start, a little info: it's two years after the series ends, one year after the second OAV, in Tokyo. Everyone is there…don't ask how…and they're all living in Miaka's house…odd…
Also, ¥ means "yen", the Japanese money, and there is about means "yen", the Japanese money, and there is about ¥200 to about $1.60…at least, it was last time I went to Japan…of course, then, since I lived in England, I was converting ¥ to £ and then to $…but what the hell…
Street
Tasuki: Oy! My aching back! Can't we sit down?
Chichiri: NO no daa! We have to get to the grocery store before it closes, Tasuki, no daa! C'mon! We'll be late for dinner, too, no daa!
Tasuki: *looks up* Dinner? Why didn't you say so?! *Tasuki runs up the street* Last one there is a rotten egg!
Chichiri: *shakes head* Tasuki-san, no daa. I wish I had my kasa, no daa. *continues down street*
Supermarket
Chichiri: *reading from list* We need…ano…peppers no daa, lettuce no daa, milk no daa, soy milk no daa, terriyaki sauce no…ooh…I love that no daa! Ano…
Tasuki: *running all over the aisle to put stuff into the cart* Slow down, Chichiri! I only have two arms!
Chichiri: Sorry, Tasuki-san, no daa! But we have to hurry no daa! And…aha…ten pounds of Kobe beef no d…DAAA?! She only have us ¥2000 no daa! How are we going to afford ten pounds of beef, let lane KOBE beef, no daa? Is Miaka crazy no daa?
Tasuki: *shaking his head* Of course she is, Chichiri! Haven't I been telling you that for the past three years? Here, I stole…er…borrowed some extra money from… *Tamahome appears out of nowhere in the aisle. His character on his forehead is glowing*
Tamahome: Tasuki? Did you take ¥5000 from me?
Tasuki: *cowering behind the tampon display* Yes? But it's for dinner! Miaka'll pay you back!
Tamahome: No! You know that she never will! She's less responsible than Tetsuya for Suzaku's sake! Give me back my money!
Tasuki: Well! I'm going for that interview tomorrow at…AHHHH! *suddenly noticing that he's hiding behind a giant pile of tampons* *Chichiri and Tamahome stop giggling* …at…TV Tokyo anime studios for the role of that pyro in the new Escaflowne movie! You know I'm a shoe-in! I'll give you the money…
Tamahome: WITH INTEREST?!
Tasuki: *cowering again behind tampons* yes, yes…with interest. Ok?
Chichiri: Tasuki-san no daa! Stop grabbing tampons and hurry or the store'll close no daa! Tamahome, you can help, too no daa!
Miaka's Kitchen
*Meanwhile…*
Miaka: *covered with flour* Nuriko…could you pass me the eggs?
Nuriko: *licking chocolate off his fingers* Here ya go, Miaka.
Chiriko: *reading from the cookbook* "Add eggs into burrow and beat into mix slowly."
Hotohori: *looking up as he's about to crack an egg* What's a burrow?
Chiriko: *being overly intellectual for his age* To make a burrow, *Hotohori, Miaka, and Nuriko mimic his instructions…badly* make the dry mix into a mountain and then make a deep hole in the center until you can seethe bottom of the bowl. Then crack the egg into the hole. With a hand whisk, beat gently, slowly bringing the sides of the dry mix into the center as you beat…*all three collapse with batter going everywhere* ano…Mitsukake? Why aren't you trying? Is it too difficult for you? Or am I going to fast? *flash over to Mitsukake, wearing an apron, and covered in turkey stuffing crap*
Mitsukake: I don't cook.
Hotohori: C'mon! We're in Tokyo now! You gotta try new things! Look! Even Nuriko' dressing like a man! (Nuriko hits him) OWW! You might now be very good in the beginning, but that's expected! Don't give up! I know you can do it!
Mitsukake: That's not it. I just don't cook. It's humiliating…it's women's work. *suddenly, everyone else in the room, except Tama-neko, who is taking his perfect stuffing out of the oven already, gets very angry very quickly, and beats up Mitsukake* AÏE! OWWIE! NO! Not the meat tenderizer! OWW! *Tasuki, Tamahome, and Chichiri come in the door, weighed down with groceries*
Tasuki: Owwie….Help! Help! Owwie! *Hotohori, Nuriko, Chiriko, and Miaka all break from Mitsukake to help the boys with the bags*
Mitsukake: owwie…*melts into the floor*
Miaka: *looking through bags* Oh! Guys! You only got ten pounds of beef! I wanted ten kilos! This is METRIC! METRIC! Damn the British! With their stupid, dry humor, and their horrible systems! Not to mention their bland food! Speaking of bland food…er…I mean food…set the table…dinner's almost ready. *Tasuki, Tamahome, and Chichiri go to set table* *Miaka, Hotohori, Nuriko, and Chiriko all look at each other* *Tama-neko starts charades*
Hotohori: Any hot ideas?
Nuriko: Order in?
Miaka: No! We need to think of something quick!
Chiriko: I've got it!
M, H, &N: What is it?
Chiriko: If we add the hypotenuse squared of the positive elevation of the inclined graph of the oven heat…
M, H, & N: Oh shut up! *Finally, Tama-neko gets their attention*
Tama: *in sign* Look! LOOK! You bakas! I made an entire six course meal! Stuffing - American - , Caesar salad - er…Roman? - Miso soup - Japanese - , Kal Bi - my Korean dish - , spaghetti - Italiano - and for desert, napolèons - le français. Voilà!
Miaka: …
Hotohori: You can't mix cuisines like that! It's not kosher!
Tama: *shakes head, takes off apron, throws it on the ground, and walks away* Nyao!
Miaka: er…dinner?!
Dining Room
Miaka: *with her mouth full* Could you pass the salad, Chiriko?
Chiriko: *passing the salad* You know, Miaka-san, you really shouldn't talk with your mouth full, you could choke.
Miaka: *with her mouth full* I'm sorry, Chiriko, I couldn't hear you. There's this really loud chomping noise and it's drowning you out…
Chichiri: *to Chiriko* Just let it go, no daa.
Tasuki: This is really good, you guys! I'm not choking on the horrible taste! *Miaka and Nuriko, sitting next to him, hit him* Owwie! I meant it as a compliment!
Chiriko: Well, that's very nice, but you see it wasn't…
Hotohori: *cutting him off* …it wasn't that hard for accomplished cooks like ourselves! *Tama-neko shakes his head and hits Hotohori over the head with a baseball bat* OWWIE!
Miaka: *looking at he three empty seats at the table* Oh man! Who's missing? Let's see…there's Chiriko,
Chiriko: Hai!
Miaka: Chichiri,
Chichiri: Daa!
Miaka: Nuriko,
Nuriko: Hai!
Miaka: Hotohori,
Hotohori: *imitating Chichiri* "Daa"!
Chichiri: Hey!….no daa…!
Miaka: Tasuki,
Tasuki: Ohio!
Miaka: Tamahome,
Tamahome: Oui, oui.
Everyone: What, what?
Tamahome: "Oui, oui." That's French.
Everyone: Ooooh! What's it mean?
Tamahome: How am I supposed to know?
Miaka: Mitsukake,
Mitsukake: owwie.
Miaka: Keisuke,
Keisuke: … *he's not there*
Miaka: Tetsuya,
Tetsuya: … *he's not there, either*
Miaka: and Yui.
Yui: … *she's not there, too*
Miaka: That's everybody. So, who's missing? We're all here! And Mom and Dad are out to dinner tonight. I don't…
Hotohori: Ano…Miaka?
Miaka: …understand why there would then be any extra seat…
Hotohori: Ano…Miaka?
Miaka: …unless…did anyone invite a guest? Or did Tamahome, Tasuki, and Chichiri set the table wrong?
Hotohori: Ano…Miaka?
Miaka: …ano…oh! Hai?
Nuriko: Miaka, ano…Yui, Tetsuya, and Keisuke aren't here.
Miaka: Oh! Right. Ok. I think that we all know where two of them are, but where's my brother? He should be home by now! Oh, well. Let's finish eating! Hotohori, can you pass me the Kal Bi?
Hotohori: *passing the lettuce and Kal Bi* Miaka…you're incurable. Remember? Keisuke had an interview this evening, and said that he might be late…ano…and Yui and Tetsuya…ano…
Chiriko: Where are they?
Chichiri: We'll tell you when you're older no daa.
Chiriko: Oh! They're having SEX, aren't they? *Suddenly, EVERYONE chokes on their food*
Tasuki: Chiriko! Where'dya learn about stuff like that?
Chiriko: Err…the Discovery Channel. It's very educational.
Miaka: The Discovery Channel? Yeah right!
Tasuki: That's a crock of shit! They don't show that sorta stuff on the Discovery Channel!
Tamahome: How old are you again?
Chiriko: Now? I'm fifteen.
Tamahome: You've been trying to get those porno stations, haven't you?
Chiriko: May I please be excused? I have to…ano…
Everyone: No!
Chichiri: …no daa!
Miaka: I can't believe our little Chiriko has been corrupted! No wonder his GPA dropped from a 4.5 to a 4.0! He's been jerking off!
Nuriko: When I was your age…
Chiriko: When you were my age, you lived in Ancient China!
Tamahome: and you were a girl! Oh wait, no…I forgot! OOWIE! *Nuriko hits him*
Tasuki: Chiriko, I think that we should punish you.
Chiriko: Oh, shit. Wasn't dying enough punishment?
Everyone: GASP!
Chichiri: …no daa!
Tasuki: Fuck, Chiriko! You shouldn't use such shitty language! Where'dya learn to speak like that?! *everyone looks at Tasuki* What?
Hotohori: Go to your room, young man, and no t.v. for a month.
Chiriko: A month? You've gotta be joking!
Nuriko: You're right, Chiriko. Two months!
Chiriko: What the…?
Tamahome: Start marching, or we'll make it three!
Chiriko: *leaving like a typical teenager* Fine, fine.
Tama: nyao! *Yui and Tetsuya come in the door*
Yui: Ohio! *She takes off her scarf*
Tetsuya: Ciao! *hangs Yui's scarf on the hook and helps her with her coat*
Miaka: Where have you two been, as if we don't know? Dinner started half and hour ago! We're about to have desert!
Yui: Ano…no thanks. We've already eaten.
Tamahome: Nice of you to call!
Tetsuya: Well, gomen! We went to go see a movie.
Chichiri: Was it good, no daa?
Tetsuya: Funny, I don't remember if I liked the movie or not.
Miaka: Does this mean that you're not going to eat your food?
Tetsuya: Yeah, we're really sorry. But why don't you give it to Tama-neko so it doesn't go to waste… *Miaka has already finished both plates* Never mind.
Nuriko: Did you guys see a romantic movie?
Yui: Nope. We saw Killer Cops 3. It kicked ass!
Hotohori: Well…ano…I think you two should go talk to Chiriko…about…ano…well…
Tetsuya: What?
Nuriko: Yeah, well…ano…he was saying some stuff about…ano…
Tasuki: He's fifteen. He's male. He goes to public school. You figure it out.
Yui: Oh my!
Tetsuya: I'll go talk to him. I'm surprised it took so long! I mean…he's been living in Tokyo for a year now!
Miaka: Er…Tetsuya…did you or my brother ever…never mind! I don't WANT to know!
The Hallway
*The Next Morning…*
Miaka: *opens door to find Hotohori, Chichiri, Nuriko, and Tasuki sleeping in two bunk beds* Wake up, everybody! *no one moves*
Tama: *on Miaka's shoulder, he pulls out a trumpet and plays a bugle call* nyao! * all four fall out of bed*
Miaka: Ohio! *she skips out of the room with Tama-neko and skips down the hall to the next room and opens the door to find Keisuke and Chiriko sleeping in a bunk bed, and Mitsukake in a single, with his feet hanging off the end* Wake up! Wake up wake upwake upwakeup! *looks at Tama-neko*
Tama: *does bugle call with the same reaction from the boys* Nyao! *Miaka and Tama-neko skip to the next room to find Yui and Tetsuya in two single beds pushed together*
Miaka: Ohio! Wake up, Yui! *Yui wakes up*
Yui: Ohio! *Miaka and Tama-neko skip to the next room with Miaka's mom and dad*
Miaka: Ohio! Good morning, Mom! Good morning, Dad! *they mumble back something about it being 6 in the morning on a Saturday* *Miaka and Tama-neko skip to the last room, and open the door, but no one's there* *Then they go to Miaka's room, and no one's there* *They go the dining room where Tasuki and Tetsuya are eating Corn Flakes* Have you seen Tamahome?
Tasuki: Why the fuck would I know where he is? You're the one who's connected to his soul or whatever! Hey, Tetsuya, you're right! Corn Flakes do taste better in orange juice than mile! *Miaka, confused, goes into the kitchen to start making coffee, and finds Tamahome in a chef hat, scrambling eggs*
Tamahome: So, Tasuki, do you want scrambled eggs? *noticing Miaka* Oh! Good morning, Miaka! How are you? How would you like your eggs?
Miaka: *swooning* Oh! I just love a man that can cook! *As they are about to kiss, Miaka's mom comes into the kitchen* *Miaka and Tamahome act like they were reaching for things on either side*
Tamahome: Ohio, Yuuki-san! It was so nice of you to let Yui and Tetsuya to stay here last night!
Mom: Well, I let you all stay here for the past year basically rent-free, what's two more for one night, right? And you are ALL moving out soon, fight?
Tamahome: Er…ano…how would you like your eggs?
Mom: Oh, you're such a gentleman! Ano…sunny-side up, please.
Tamahome: Sure thing.
Mom: *taking Miaka aside* You know I think that you need to get a boyfriend. Someone nice like Tamahome. You haven't dated a boy since you were fifteen! You need a date!
Miaka: Mom!
Mom: I know I said that you couldn't date, but now I'm saying that you should say yes to one of those boys from school who have been chasing you. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to them!
Miaka: Mom!
Mom: Well, Miaka, who is it going to be? Which boy do you like? Is it Shinji? Oh, he's cute, you know!
Miaka: Mom, are you saying that I could start dating again, and with your permission? Anyone I want?
Mom: Yes.
Miaka: Well, you know, what if he didn't go to school with me?
Mom: I suppose that's okay. Well, is he much younger than you?
Miaka: No, he's not younger, he's older.
Mom: How much older?
Miaka: Only three years.
Mom: No offense, Miaka, but I don't think that any twenty-year old boy would be very interested in you!
Miaka: *flushing* But, Mom, I know that he likes me!
Mom: Really? How DO you know?
Miaka: Er…ano…
Mom: Have you already been dating?
Miaka: Well, Mom, I am seventeen!
Mom: Oh my lordie! *fakes fainting* Who is it? Do I know him? How long's this been going on?
Miaka: Well, er…we've been going steady for…er…
Mom: STEADY!?!
Miaka: What?! Yeah!
Mom: Do I know him?
Miaka: Er…yes…
Mom: Oh no! And neither one of you have told me?! It better not be Hiroki, that's all I can say! Because you know he sleeps around!
Miaka: No, Mom! I'm not stupid!
Mom: Well, who is it?
Miaka: You promise you won't be mad?
Mom: Yes, I will be happy that you're honest with me.
Miaka: *looks over her shoulder at Tasuki, Nuriko, Hotohori, Keisuke, and Tetsuya eating their eggs, pretending not to listen to her conversation, and then at Tamahome, cooking* *whispering* Its' Tamahome.
Mom: *lunging for Tamahome* I'm going to kill him! *Nuriko gets up to help Miaka hold her back* You're gonna die, you son or a bitch! In my own house?! You would come into my own house and then corrupt my own daughter? You're gonna die when I'm through with you! *Tamahome runs to the other side of the kitchen and tries to hide behind the spatula he has in his hand*
Miaka: *trying to pull her mom back* Mom! Stop! Stop! I love him! *Miaka's mom calms down and Nuriko and Miaka let go of her* *She lunges again at Tamahome*
Mom: You don't know what love is! You're only seventeen! And you've only been dating for…wait! *she stops* How long have you two been dating?
Tasuki: *rubbing his head and making for the front door* Er…I gotta go to my interview…I'll just leave you guys to…ano…*lunges to the door*
Chiriko: Er…me too!
Hotohori: *following* Yeah…we all gotta…er…
Chichiri: Me, too no daa!
Tetsuya: I have to take Yui home…
Yui: Tetsuya has to take me home…
Mitsukake: owwie…
Keisuke: Yeah, and I gotta…
Mom: *Interrupting him* Wait, young man! Come back here! You're involved in this somehow, I know. How long have you two been dating?
Miaka: Two and a half years now.
Mom: What? Tamahome didn't even live in Japan then! He was in China, remember? Stop lying to me, Miaka!
Keisuke: No, it's true. That's why he moved to Japan with the others.
Mom: How did you guys meet, then? You're all lying.
Tamahome: I came here for a Model UN conference with school.
Miaka: Yeah. He was just here for about a month then, but then we wrote letters and called each other, and…and…
Mom: oh…oh…*starts crying* THAT'S SO SWEET!!!
- the end ? -
