As a child I remember seeing for the first time a large, carved image of Christ upon a cross, and my morbid fascination. I wanted to touch him, to take away his pain. I saw in his face not the pain of his wounds, but the pain of betrayal, of loss, of the inevitability of failure. Although the Crucifixion is used by the Church to instill guilt in its followers as a means of control, I see not a man who has suffered for the sins of all mankind. I see the face of all mankind suffering for the sins we commit against each other and ourselves. We crucify each other everyday for beliefs both religious and personal, and in turn we crucify ourselves.

In the past several months, I have met many who talk of past lives, especially in the Vampire Community. Many who claim to have lived several lives before this one and others who claim to be immortal vampires who take on mortal bodies until they these bodies die, and then are reborn in a new mortal body. I do not question these lives or beliefs. Who am I to do so?

I have no recollection of any other lives, nor do I feel that I am immortal. Perhaps I am a new soul, and that is why I find this world so hard to bear. I have to ask myself if I would even want to be so. Would I enjoy being reborn again and again, and would I recollect my past? What if I were a true "Immortal", living on and on without the threat of old age or death hanging over me? Would I revel in weaving in and out of identities, meeting and loosing friends and lovers as I wander ageless through eternity? Or would I rage and ask what I had done to deserve this never-ending Hell?

Think for a moment, if perhaps there are no new souls, but same ones recycled over and over again. What if those who have multiple personalities are really housing several souls in one body... because there is nowhere for them to go. With the increase of births and decrease in death, perhaps there are more bodies to house those souls. Or perhaps not.

When you open your mind, the possibilities are endless.

Ah, the rational mind hides all...inside me rages a caged beast that tries to tear free and devour all in its wake...every day is a test of strength to keep the beast from breaking loose...