my angel - part one
when i got there, i went straight to her room, where i could hear a song softly drifting out into the hall from outside the room. when i got closer, i realized what it was.
if i'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry.
if i'm gone when you wake up, it's not goodbye.
"don't look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress..." i softly hummed as i approached the corner i would have to turn to behold my love. when i turned that corner, i saw her. bald and pale, as usual, but this time, more frail and fragile-looking.
she was asleep, tightly holding the bear i had given her on her birthday last year.it was almost her birthday again, but the doctors had told me that they weren't sure if she was going to make it to see her 18th.
on the table next to her bed, there were two framed pictures that i recognized from her room.
the larger one was one of us on my birthday this year, and the smaller one was a picture of us from when we were about 3 or 4 in a sandbox, looking up at the camera with sun relecting off of our hair, a mischevious gleam in our eyes, and smiles on our chocolate ice cream and sand-covered faces.
she was connected to a big machine by about 50 i.v. cords.
i thanked god for those cords. for keeping her alive.
i hated god for those cords. they kept her alive, kept her in constant pain, while that damned unforgiving illness consumed her.
laura must have heard me close he door behind me, for her eyes fluttered open and revealed the two emeralds that i loved most about her features.
i smiled down at her.
she weakly smiled back.
same beautiful smile.
same beautiful girl.
my laura.
"isaac..."
i pulled a chair to her bed and sat down. she took my hand in hers. i stroked her arm.
"baby, baby. so beautiful."
she grinned a little.
"not any more, ikey. no more beauty." she disagreed.
"yes, laur. beautiful."
i wanted to sing to her. i wanted to tell her all my emotions in a song.
i love you more than anything
than anything, i do
and i'd give anything,
and everything i have
just to be with you...
that seemed to fit the moment, so i sang. i sang softly and stroked her hand and looked into her eyes and kissed her face.
a tear rolled down her cheek and i wiped it away with my thumb.
"don't cry. i won't be able to leave you if you cry."
"don't ever leave me, isaac."
"i won't," i promised her.
the hardest promise i would ever have to make.
we were silent for a few minutes until she spoke up.
"isaac, i only have about a week left to live,"
it felt like a ton of bricks hit me in the chest. i couldn't believe it.
she was so...okay with it that it seemed unnatural.
"no..."
she nodded her head.
"yeah, ike. i don't want to leave. god knows i don't want to leave. i...i-i love you too much to leave. i want to stay here forever just with you. forever and ever and ever and never leave and never see anybody else but you, and never hear anybody else's voice and never look into anybody else's eyes. only you, ike."
i felt tears well up in my eyes.
i knew then that she loved me just as much as i loved her, and she knew it too.
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the doctors said she had 2 weeks to live.
they were wrong.
she lived for 3 more days.
they called me about an hour before she left and told me i needed to be there.
now.
i had never driven that fast in my life.
i ran about 5 red lights and almost bashed into 30 people on the way there.
when i got to her room, her dad was outside, sitting in a chair with his head in his hands.
"mr. franklin?"
he looked up. stood up.
"isaac. oh my god, i'm so glad you're here. she's going crazy. she needs to talk to you. now"
i rushed into the room and when i saw her, it was a sight that broke my heart into a million peices.
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her small, frail, pale body was perched up in the bed, and she looked like it pained her to breathe anymore.
my girl. my love. my life.
dying.
i told her it was okay. that she could leave.
it hurt me so bad to tell her that, but she understood. i couldn't be selfish and make her live and longer. it hurt her too much. i loved her too much to make her hurt.
she took my hand and squeezed it, as if letting me know that she understood.
she was the girl whom i had the biggest crush on when i was little, yet i had never told her, until now. i had written more than anything about her. we were always best friends because there were never any other kids our age in the neighborhood. i never had the courage to tell her how i felt until now. i still think about it on some days, wondering what would have happened if i had told her about my feelings earlier. i squeezed her hand tighter.
"laura." i said to her, looking into her eyes.
"isaac." she weakly whispered.
"i love you."
she weakly grinned, but not before closing her eyes.
"i love you too, ikey."
those words, slightly falling out of her mouth, like stars from the sky.
beautiful.
"more than anything." i said.
her amazing green eyes opened once more and she smiled as she squeezed my hand.
"i'll always love you, ike. more than anything."
if i'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry.
if i'm gone when you wake up, it's not goodbye.
her eyes closed and laura, the love of my life, was gone.
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her dad asked me to sing at her funeral, but i couldn't.
i didn't even want to go.
but i did.
it was beautiful.
heartbreaking.
all of her friends were there and there were hundreds of flowers.
they played her favorite songs.
more than anything and with you in your dreams.
at the gravesite, i waited until everybody had left to talk to her.
on the headstone, there was our picture at my party, and the inscription read:
Laura Marie Franklin
1981-1999
you'll always be our special angel
isaac loves you
that last line shocked me. i didn't even know they would put that on there. i gazed at the picture and read the words over and over again, still not believing she was gone.
"laura, my fallen angel. i love you."
i gently laid down the daisies i had gathered earlier that morning on the soft, moist earth.
her favorite flower.
i drew a heart in the dirt over her resting place and turned my back and left, leaving behind the memories of the most wonderful girl in the world.
my world.
memories that would last a lifetime of an angel.
my angel.
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did you like it? hate it?
mail me
here.
