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* Violet: I'm not lost. Somebody just moved my street. * Kevin: Just for the record, I was only staring at your ass for the first 15 minutes! * Cammie: I'm Cammie, the Russian tease. (note: she is realy polish just to set the record straight) Violet: Violet, the Jersey nun. Cammie: We all play our little parts. That one's Rachel, the New York bitch. Only Rachel realy is a bitch, and I realy am a tease. Lil: Cammie, you can only be a tease if you stop sleepin around, babe. Cammie: Yeah, I keep forgetting that part! Girl: Can I ask you something? Lil: What? Girl: What does Coyote Ugly mean? Lil: Did you ever wake up sober after a one night stand, and the person you're next to is lying on your arm, and they're so ugly, you'd rather chew off your arm then risk waking'em? That's coyote ugly. Girl: My God. Well, why would you name your bar after something like that? Lil: Oh, 'cause Cheers was taken. Rachel: Hey Lil.... do we serve water with our whiskey? Lil: Only water I serve has got barley and hops in it. Hey everbody, do we serve water in this bar? Everybody: Hell, no H20! Violet: Hi. I'm Violet Sanford. I just recently moved to New York and was wondering if you'd give my tape to one of your artists. Wendy: Violet, that is so cute! Now lemme tell you about me. My name is Wendy and I first moved to New York when I was 21 to be a dancer, but I broke my big toe and then I got knocked up by this actor who dumped me to join the peace corps, so for the last 16 years I been raising my daughter all by myself and then two weeks ago, she tells me that she is a bisexual and that she hates me more than any person in this planet. (chuckles) Wendy: Now tell me how I can help you, please, because I am dying to make *your* dreams come true. Violet: Cammie, I think I just fell in love with you. Cammie: Oh Violet, I'm not a lesbian. I played on the minors but never went pro. Violet: That's *not*, what I meant Rachel: Hey, hey! This is not a gas pump, son. *smooch* Wait your turn! Customer: What do you have then? Lil: Jim, Jack, Johnny Red, Johnny Black, and Jose; all my favorite men. You can have it anyway you like it, as long as it is in a shot glass. Lil: That's Rachel, you can learn a lot from her. Violet: She just cut off some guy's ponytail. Lil: Yeah, the court ordered her to take anger management classes after she pummeled a customer for grabbing her ass. They gave her probation, I gave her a raise. Cheers! Cammie: Hello? A naked girl in Army Boots? East play to call Lil: Okay, everyody, shut up! I'd like you to meet my new girl, whose name is...... Jersey! Jersey, is an ex kindergarten teacher, and a former nun, who just escaped from the convict, and is tired of being the only virgin in New York City! Would anyone like to buy her a drink? Rachel: Alright, who's gonna be dancing on this bar? I wanna see your bras. Zoe: Is this a church meeting or is this a bar? Make some noise! Violet: I don't mean to be rude but, would you mind telling me why you're hiring me? Lil: Because, the average male is walking around with a toddler inside his pants, a two year old right there inside his dockers. Violet: Men have two year old children in their pants thats's why your hiring me? (Kevin kisses Violet then start to walk away) Kevin: Have a nice day! Violet: Have a nice day? Kevin: Yeah, I paniced, I didn't know what else to say! Violet: So.......... What do you want? Kevin: It's 3 in the morning, I want what every guy wants. .......... Breakfast! Violet: You always said I could grow up to be anything. Mr. Sanford: I never said "songwriter in New York" Lil: Let ne guess: Piedmont, North Dakota. Violet: South Amboy, New Jersey. Lil: Same thing. Lil: I love that bar. I'd sleep there, if I had the guts to walk around barefoot. Just a small town girl trying to make it in the big city. Violet: Small town girl? Lil: Piedmont, North dakota. Tell anyone that, and I'll kill ya. Violet: I'm a songwriter, is there someone here I can talk to about my songs? Bartender: I've been a struggling sax player for 12 years. What can you from the bar? Violet: Look, I've never had anyone stare at my ass for half an hour before, so i'm going to sat goodnight, and i'm hoping you're going to say it back. Violet: Look, I;ve had a rough couple of days, are you realy the owner? Cuz the last thing I need is a waitress on a power trip wasting my time. Lil: You start friday night. |
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