Christian Leadership Training Institute

1-1-2-God's in Control

New Direction

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side."  Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat.  There were also other boats with him.  A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was early swamped.  Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion.  The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!"  Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid?  Do you still have no faith?"

They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"(Mark 4:35-41)

Goals

Leaders will:

1. Perceive more accurately their responsibilities as Christian Leaders.

2. Move toward accepting God as your co-leader and responsible for results.

3. See how it feels to turn the responsibility for training over to God.

4. Experience feelings of leaders to gain better understanding of that perspective.

5. See themselves as recipients of God's training, and help others do the same.

6. Experience Christian community.

Guidance Prayer

Almighty God, you want us to share with others the love and training that you have given us.  Without your help we would be lost and confused.  We rely totally on you to provide training, guidance and growth.  Thank you for the blessing of your love for us and your willingness to have us travel the ultimate road - the road to heaven - that we might receive the ultimate graduation.  Amen.

Lead-In

Jesus said, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." (Matt. 9:37-38).  This is one of the many images that help us understand that we are partners with God in his work of training for our world.  We plant, tend, and harvest crops, but God causes the miracle of growth.  We can train others, but God produces the growth, the guidance, the change in peoples lives.  It is tempting at times to forget God's responsibility in the leadership process.  In this class, let us look at the division of responsibilities in this process, and grow in appreciation of God's way of using us in his process of Leadership.

Farmers teach lessons in hope everyday.  They toil for days, even weeks preparing the soil for planting.  Tilling, fertilizing, planting seeds, and cultivating - all these activities work to prepare, nourish, and protect the crop.  And every day, farmers hope - for warmth, but not too much.  When the time for harvest arrives, farmers know they are gathering in hopes fulfilled as much as work rewarded.

The apostle Paul knew this.  In 1 Cor. 3: 6-7 he wrote, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.  So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth."  As a farmer's responsibility rests with preparing a crop for harvest, so the Christian Leader responsibility is to "plant" and "water."  God then provides the growth (control, success and thereby the reward).  In other words, Christians are responsible for the work and God is responsible for the results.

What Christian leaders, do is prepare the ground for the Great Leader.  Preparing the ground means doing the best possible job to create a situation and then waiting on the Lord's results.  It is God who provides emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual growth according to his will.

The word leader/trainer is defined as: to lead or direct the growth of: to form by instruction, discipline, ...educate; ... to teach so as to be fitted, qualified, proficient, etc; to make prepared for a test, contest, etc., as by exercise, dieting, etc.; to aim at an object, bring to bear.  The word train is defined as: to subject oneself or to be subjected to instruction. ...; to form habits or impart proficiency by teaching; to associate, or be on friendly terms.

Leadership is a relationship word.  A leader, therefore,  is a person whose relationship with others are characterized by service and guidance. connotes "willingness to serve."

Christian leaders work hard to establish relationships that encourage Christian growth.  Christian leaders, however, rely on God for results.

In the broadest sense, what you are offering in distinctive Christian leadership is love.  Because Jesus Christ lives in you, you are God's ambassador.  You carry the news of his unconditional acceptance and hope-filled training plan and program for a fullness of life.  Leadership is a process-like tilling, fertilizing, planting, and cultivating.  Processes are verbs and the process of leadership is in your hands.

Living out the knowledge that results - belong to God is living in faith.  Such faith has beneficial effects on both the leader and the person receiving the training.

For the Leader

When you as a leader realize that God is responsible for the results, you are freed from worry and false expectations.  Demands on yourself to get results are silenced, and so are any demands for the trainee to shape up or change.  Instead, you can concentrate on creating the best educational situation for growth to occur: developing trust and communicating acceptance and love.

If you do not rely on God to provide the results, you are in for trouble.  There are only two other places to look for success.  First, you can become self-oriented and pressured from within, trying to  force people to grow or change through your help.  Weighted down by this responsibility, you fall into worry about results or increasing self-doubts about your ability as a leader.  This cycle of doubt and worry can lead up to become increasing self-absorbed and consequently less a servant.

Second, you can place responsibility for success on the one receiving your training.  If you choose this course, what first seems like a great relief - at least is no longer up to you - will eventually leave you frustrated and exasperated.  God has provided human beings with many inner resources to cope and change.  Yet people broken by problems in life will not be able to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, nor should you expect them to do so.  The healing power of God is needed.

Trusting God to provide results means freedom for you, the leader.  Yet freedom is not license.  Ceasing to worry about results does not entitle you to not do your best.  Although God provides the growth, being a good farmer is hard work.  So is being a good leader.  Your motivation and preparation is not diminished when you rely on God for the results;  rather, your reliance on God gives you the guidance.

Getting Started

Today we live in a world of quick fixes, fast foods, and instant replay.  We aren't content wit waiting for answers tomorrow; we want everything today, right now.

When it comes to unraveling difficulties, most folks want immediate painless solutions.  And, of course, such do not usually exist.

The person who has turned to you for help is probably at a fork in the road of life, and the decision or choice which will be made may have consequences which extend far into the future.

What you say may keep a friend's marriage together; it may send someone in the direction of a new career; it may even make the difference between life and death for someone who has lost his way.

In a previous lesson I pointed out the fact that we do bear a responsibility before God for each other as part of the family of God - helping, guiding, and encouraging one another.  Jesus told the disciples that after He had returned to heaven they would carry on His works and even do greater works than He had done.  his words must have been intimidating; nonetheless, they were true.

Today the healing restoring, training ministry of Jesus is done through us, His people, His body.  That knowledge should not only make you want to better equip and train yourself in helping people, but should also make you more willing to make the sacrifices and take the risks necessary in helping someone else.

Training People Takes Time

When someone finally gets around to that question, "What do you think I should do?  The ball is in your court.

You can, of course, ignore the question and not respond.  But the person wouldn't have asked unless he or she was serious about wanting your input.  Your failure to respond, or at least to listen, tends to endorse what he or she intends to do.  Since you didn't respond otherwise, the person assumes that you are in agreement.  It's dangerous.

Failing to follow through when you are asked for help may actually result in doing more to harm a person than to help.  If you do not have the time to help someone, or you feel the better part of discretion would be to let someone else help (which may be appropriate when the one who needs help is close to you), or you simply are not qualified, you still must do something to get the ball across the court.

Guidelines for Effective Leadership

*  When you are asked, "What do you think I should do?"  Reserve your comment until you are certain that you have the complete picture.

The greatest single failure of inexperienced leaders is to jump to conclusions, saying things such as "Well, it's obvious to me what your problem is..." or mentally thumbing through your memorized roster of Bible verses, selecting a couple which seem to have enough weight and then, bang!  Hit 'em between the eyes with both of them.

But when you come down hard on someone without understanding the situation, you frustrate and even anger the person who has come to you for help.  You'll never hear those words, "What do you think I should do?" from that person again.

Simplistic solutions to complex issues offer no real help, either.

Whether you call it "the problem" and "the real problem," or "surface problems" and "root problems," deep intimate situations of a sensitive nature that may result in embarrassment are not easily addressed.  It takes time and confidence in you for a person to be willing to talk about them.

*  Be principled as you handle the confidence of people.

Nothing will hurt a relationship or destroy your credibility faster than breaking confidence with people.  It adds insult to injury and bitterness to sorrow.

When a person's life is endangered or the consequences of somebody's actions violate the law or seriously affect the lives of other people, you have no alternative but to bring someone else into the picture.

What I recommend is that you convince the person who has come to you that you care, you are a friend, and you love the person so much that you will stand with him or her through this whole situation.  Then show the person that other people are necessary to resolve the problem.  You love them too much to make a mistake; therefore you are bringing into the relationship someone who is better trained to help.

Knowing that you would be willing to go with a trainee to talk to someone about  a problem is often enough to help someone make the right decision and begin to work through a problem which has been pushed aside for far too long.

*  Be patient with people

Habits that have been many years in the making may not be resolved in a matter of a few minutes.  At the same time, however, you have the right to expect change, realizing that the Holy Spirit is the greatest agent of behavioral change the world has ever known.  Jay Adams says, "Change for some people is difficult to accept.  Change is difficult because change means doing something new, something unusual, something not done before.  It usually means exchanging old habit patterns for new ones."  Yet growth requires change, and the fact that someone is hurting necessitates change in personal relationships or patterns of behavior.  It must come.  But it must come with time.

*  Be Professional

You can value a relationship with someone so much that you treat the confidence he or she has placed in you in a professional manner.

Whenever you reach out to a hurting person of the opposite sex, you run the risk of emotional involvement.  You can be concerned with people and at the same time keep your emotions firmly in control.  Scores of individuals, though, have listened to someone pour out his or her heart, hearing how a mate had been betrayed.  Then as the scalding tears came, the person reached out in a warm embrace to comfort the one being counseled.  And from that high voltage emotional situation a compromised relationship developed, eventually leading to the downfall of the marriage of the person who was trying to help.

However some people whose marriages are solid do get emotionally involved in helping others, a danger which only you can evaluate.  A warm handshake, direct eye contact, a hospitable cup of coffee or a coke are all ways of conveying warmth apart from physical contact.

Some folks are "huggers," and embracing someone who is hurting is just as natural for them as it is for others to take a hand and shake it warmly.  I, for one, advise a certain reluctance when it comes to embracing members of the opposite sex who have come to you for help or training.  Their emotions may be volatile, and the person you embrace may wish desperately that a mate would do the same thing.  When you embrace someone, even though it is in an office setting or even the warmth of your home, your action can trigger an emotional response which is not in the best interest of either of you.

Never train a member of the opposite sex when you question your ability to handle a situation.

It's O.K. to bring your husband or wife into a training situation, especially when you are training a member of the opposite sex, by saying, "You know, Bob (your husband) has a lot of insights into how guys think and feel.  What would you think about joining us for a cup of coffee Friday night, and we can all talk about this together?"

For your own safe guard against training with someone in a place where your integrity could be called into question (such as in a home with someone of the opposite sex when no one else is present, or in a hotel room).  While both of you may be entirely trustworthy and your willingness to help may be completely honorable, the circumstances don't make the situation look legitimate, something which Paul warned against (see 1 Thess. 5:22).

*  Recognize Your own Limitations

You never lose the respect of someone when you say, "You know, I'd like to help you with this, but it is more than I can handle.  I'd like to suggest that you see..."  (and make a referral to a counselor or a physician).

Don't play medical doctor, either.  It's dangerous as well as unethical. If someone you are working with has made a commitment to Jesus Christ, and that person has been under the care of a medical doctor who has prescribed medication, don't say, "Now that you have found the Lord, you aren't going to need your medicine anymore!"

*  Nurture your relationship with the Person you are Training.

Your effectiveness with the person you want to help is determined to a large degree by the relationship you have with that person.  Why did your trainee come to you initially?  Because you are a "nice person"?  You just happened to be there?  He or she needs help?  Possibly all three, yet the person struggling with some issue felt you could help, even if it was only be extending a sympathetic, listening ear.  Often you help another person a great deal by simply listening - something perhaps no one else has done.

When you train, your relationship is especially important.  Proverbs 27:6 notes, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend."  A loyal friend is honest.  Words of leaders may hurt and even wound, as the writer of Proverbs attested, but those wounds will heal and may prevent a far greater tragedy.

If you tell someone only what he or she wants to hear, your value as a leader is diminished; on the other hand, if you are so harsh that you drive the person away, your effectiveness is finished.

It is painful for some people to face reality, especially when it doesn't live up to their ideals.  An affair falls into that category; it is a temporary, sometimes "make believe" situation which usually terminates in heartache and suffering.

If you are training with a couple, you strive to be neutral and objective; yet when issues of right and wrong are at stake, the offending person may feel that you as a leader have "ganged up" with the offended party.  It is important that you make the one you are trying to help feel accepted as a person though you may reject his or her behavior.  How is this done?

Relationships that are built on the foundation of respect, trust, and genuine cordiality form bonds that enable you to keep the lines of communication open when the going gets sticky.  Your character and integrity give you status and respect in the eyes of other people.  Though you may not have thought of yourself in this light, people think of you as "having your act together," meaning they think you can help them get their act together as well.

Before a person runs the risk of becoming vulnerable by telling you where he is hurting, he or she usually asks three questions:  Can this person help me?  Does he or she care about me?  Does this person know what he or she is talking about?

The last question (a matter of knowledge) doesn't cut a lot of ice with most people.  Bartenders dispense a lot of advice, but few bartenders have had any training in leadership.  If you tend to pontificate or come across as a authority figure who sits in condemnation on the person who turns to you, you're finished.

Genuine, warm concern for people forges lasting relationships that allow you to be an anchor when the storms of life buffet people.  Actually, the preparation is done long before you ever hear those words, "What do you think I should do?"

Surely Jesus radiated this kind of warmth to the people who were touched by His life.

A lesson can be learned from the way Jesus handled the conversation wit the fallen woman.  He knew exactly where she was coming from, yet refrained from asking the questions some would ask, such as:

How did you get into this profession?
How many men do you see every night?
Do you enjoy what you are doing?

Christ didn't focus on the past, but the present ("Where are your accusers?") and the future ("Go and sin no more!").  When you train the real issue is: where do you go from here and how do you get there?

*  Rely totally upon the Lord as you train people

The person who is a Godly leader and friend prays as he listens.  It isn't necessary for you to close your eyes, but it is important to be in  an attitude of prayer as you say, "Lord, help me to pick up the silent signals, to read the nonverbal cues, and to hear what is really being said."

The Holy Spirit often gives you intuitive knowledge to ask the right questions, so that the person begins to reveal the real issue.

Homework

1. You are visiting a friend at home who has just come home from the hospital with a broken leg.  Help him feel better?

2. You have a friend who is depressed because his/her job.  You are to talk with him/her about his/her feelings, to listen, and to help the feelings get out in the open?

3. Which of the caring methods seemed more effective?  More caring?  Why?

4. Would you label one as result oriented and the other as caring?

5. Now discuss some or what you have learned within this exercise?

6. The gift that you gave others by sharing your life story was:?

7. How can we help you in prayer this week?
   Read 1 Cor. 1:18-2:5

8. What was the wisdom and strength of God?

9. Is Paul rejecting education itself, or some related and prideful assumptions?  Explain?

10. What situations can you think of where God uses the weak, lowely, and despised to build His Kingdom in our day?

11. How does the fact that people confuse the world's power with God's power affect you?

12. How does the image of today's successful people conflict with following Christ?

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Last modified: April 04, 2000