When it comes to risking how would you describe yourself?

Where do you feel God is inviting you to "get out of the boat" right now?

If God could help me deal with this situation, what would he do?

Would you be more likely to stay in the boat or step out of it?  Why?

What do you see in your own life that parallels Peter's attempt to walk on water?

If God could help me deal with this decision, what would he do?

If you had been Peter how would you have responded if Jesus invited you to "come?"

When you are apprehensive about the troubles around you and doubt Christ's presence or ability to help, you must remember that he is the only one who can really help.  To maintain your faith when situations are difficult, keep your eye on Jesus' power rather than on your inadequacies.  We may not walk on water, but we do walk through tough situations.  If we focus on the waves of difficult circumstances around us without looking to Jesus for help, we too may despair and sink.

Develop the discipline of spending time alone with God it will help you grow spiritually and become more and more like Christ.  Spending time with God in prayer, nurtures a vital relationship and equips us to meet life's challenges and struggles.

Read Mat. 20:1-16

This parable speaks especially to those who feel superior because of heritage or favored position, to those who feel superior because they have spent so much time with Christ and to new believers ar reassurance of God's grace.  Instead, of being jealous, focus on God's gracious benefits to you, and be thankful for what you have; then repay him by serving God.

Christian Perspective

The Advantages of Christian Leadership

All other factors being equal, Christian leaders has significant advantages over any other method.  The primary advantage is that of depth.

Here is why.  All too often, Christian leaders/trainers consider the impact of their training to be comparatively insignificant.  The believe that they are inadequate because they are not as well trained as secular professionals.  Specifically, they think that without extensive secular training, they cannot relate deeply to those they train.

Not at all!  Christian trainers need to feel good about their training.  They need to realize that the distinctive Christian approach is the deepest system available.  The best content and framework on which to build is the Christian one.  We have God as our chief trainer and coach, our guide and co-trainer, our control of the world.

In his book "The Minister as Diagnostician" Paul Pruyser notes that church people often avoid theology, but he maintains its usefulness.  He stresses that Christian trainers should return to their own, including grace, repentance, Christian vocation and love.

As you live a life of Christian training, you might occasionally run into situations in which you feel as if you are in over your head.  The problems of the person you are training may be more than you can handle alone.  The individual may need the services of another trainer/caregiver - or other trained professionals.  Find the best resource for the person in your community and make the referral.

When the trainee's problems are too deep or complex for you to handle on your own make the referral without feeling guilty or worrying that your faith is inadequate.  There is no need to doubt your calling or ability as a Christian trainer.  The professional might offer acquired skills which you might not have, and you offer Christian training, caring and resources which many other professionals don't have.

Remember that the person may still need your love, support, and Christian training.  The individual needs as much love and support as before - may be more.  Furthermore, he or she still has spiritual needs which can only be filled by a faith relationship with God, and your Christian training enables God to speak directly and lovingly to that need - always being careful not to compete or conflict with the other caregiver.

In years to come theology will play an increasingly greater role, enabling us to understand better the nature of human deficiencies, problems, potentials, and joys.  This will affect not only Christians but also those outside Christianity.

Psychology, sociology, and medicine cannot give the entire answer to the human condition.  There is a significant gap left for theology, and it benefits our God, not to forget His authority and to step in and fill that gap.

Training for Relational Problems

Many of the problems which will bring people to you are the results of their having missed the plan of God.  A person traveling from San Francisco to New York may have successfully traversed the highways for two thousand miles (like a person with twenty-five good years of marriage), yet if he takes a wrong turn in Chicago (perhaps betraying his spouse). he may eventually end up in Toronto (or with a broken home).  Having taken wrong turns, having made poor choices, at times having signed, we have to readjust our paths and take new directions.

Everything that happens within the confines of a home affects all the members of that family because a family is an intricate pattern of relationships.  It can only follow that much of our training involves relationships with people, especially those in our families.  In a family of four their are at least sixteen separate relationships.  the relationship of each person to the other three as well as an individual relationships (how we feel about ourselves) which affects our emotional health and happiness.  No wonder family living is complex.

Illnesses, career reversals, accidents, financial problems, the birth or death of a child, even aging which changes our appearance and outlook are part of the tapestry of relationships.  These generally have nothing to do with personal failure, nor are they the result of individual sin; nonetheless, they are issues which often require training and help to cope with.

The application of God's Word, though, is a very positive thing which gives hope in a broken world.  It takes away the despair of those who see no way out of their situation.  It allows a broken person to see light at the end of a dark tunnel.

At times the people you help will have grown up in homes where a knowledge of right and wrong is clear.  They may not always do the right thing, but at least they know what it is.  A growing number of people, though, especially those under age forty, have been raised by permissive parents and have very fuzzy ideas about right and wrong.

Our role models and heroes today are often intividuals whose integrity is tainted.  They seem to be admired more because of what they do or get away with rather than what they are.  "Integrity," says Ted Engstrom in his book by the same title, "simply put... is doing what you said you would do."  When it comes to marriage, it includes a monogamous commitment.  In the family, integrity includes loyalty and trustworthiness.  In friendships, it means support and acceptance.

When people don't do what they said they would do, or what the other person thinks they said they would do, conflict results and relationships are broken.

At times broken relationships are  the result of unkept promises.  At times they are the result of wrong choices which damage relationships, and, at other times, they are the result of misunderstandings or different points of view, which have to be reconciled through better communication and understanding.

Every time a person makes a statement there are three components:

1. What you said (the face value of the statement).

2. What you meant to say (which may not be what you actually said), and

3. What you implied (which you may not have actually said at all).

Jesus said, "Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them..." (Matt. 7:12).  This requires maintaining  a keen awareness of how our actions affect other people.  Working through conflict situations demands this.

A Framework for Christian Training

The following points are matters which you as a trainer need to resolve firmly in your thinking before you even begin to others work through personal problems.

God is a good God; Therefore, what He tells us in His word is His plan for living.

Of course, this cuts across the grain of secular images of God as a bully, or a cosmic policeman, out to get you when you are bad.  Or the Great Enforcer whose black book (The Bible) was designed to make you miserable and is totally unrealistic and out of harmony with our world today.

Another version of this is that the Bible may be well and good, but it is only a lofty guide of something to shoot for, the "impossible dream" of old men with long gray beards who wrote it long ago.

When you train in a Christian perspective, you use the Bible to enlighten, to guide, and to encourage as well as to reprove and censure (when necessary).

healing broken relationships instead of dissolving them is working in harmony with God's plan.

God could not be a good God realizing that there will be conflicts in relationships unless He had given us a means of resolving those conflicts.

The conflicts which destroy relationships today are not new.  Infidelity, broken communication producing hostility and anger, premarital sex, jealousy, dishonesty, and deceit - all of these are pictured in the live of those whose stories are told in the Bible.

Those who think there should be no conflicts in our relationships are about as realistic as expecting all Christian wives to be a combination of Betty Crocker, Mother Teresa, and Farrah Fawcett, and expecting every man to walk on water and leap over tall buildings in a single bound.

When two people come together in marriage, they "become one flesh," in the words of Scripture, but their union in marriage doesn't for a moment mean the bounding of their emotions or personalities.  Every person is a collage of customs, emotions, family traditions, idiosyncrasies, and personalities; there is also the baggage of heredity which links you to your ancestors.  The "becoming one" is the weaving of all these different ingredients into the tapestry of a new relationship forming the structure of a new family.

It is not without elements of struggle which affect relationships.  Helping to resolve these conflicts is all part of the training ministry of Christ.

Some conflicts are not the result of personal failure but are the result of living in a broken world.

Today there is a widespread belief which just won't go away: "If what happens to me is good,  it's obvious that God is blessing me; and it it's bad, it's the judgement of God or the devil who did it."

An imperfect world means that we are confronted with brokenness for which, at times, we bear no direct responsibility.

People will ask "Why did God let this happen to me?  Why did He fail me?" and you will have to answer, "God did not fail you - your husband failed you," or "your wife failed you!"

At times even searching for an answer is futile, yet a person  tells something of his belief in God by the questions he asks of God.  You can go crazy trying to come up with adequate explanations for situations.  It is much better to help the hurting person realize God will meet us at the point of our deepest needs.

Learning to cope with situations we cannot alter is part of the healing process and some situations - the result of living in a broken world - cannot be resolved.  To bear anger or bitterness toward another, or even toward God, is part of what destroys lives.  Through training, you help your trainee to forgive those who have hurt him or her and to understand it was not God who failed.  You help him or her to see God as a stronghold in times of trouble (see Nah. 1:17). and a hiding place in times of distress (see Pss 32:7; 61:2)  In so doing we learn to cope with what cannot be changed.

*  God promised to be with us in times of difficulty, not to exempt us from them.

When a problems confronts a couple, one of two things will happen: the problem will either drive the two closer to the Lord and each other, or the problem will cause division and bitterness.

Isaiah 43:2-3: "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...."

Nahum 1:7; "The Lord is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him."

Ephesians 1:11: "In (him) also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will."

Romans 8:28: "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

The issue of Forgiveness

*  What does God's forgiveness mean and why seek it?

Almost always when there is a broken relationship with another person, an individual's relationship with God is affected.  Harsh words produce bitterness, and anger produces sin.  In dealing with the needs of people, great healing comes in recognizing, confessing, and forsaking that sin.

When people pray with you, they begin to vent their emotions and a tremendous catharsis takes place.  Tears replace anger, and the brokenness which results helps to restore fractured relationships.  Finding God's forgiveness is part of phase three; the restoration phase of counseling.

Key Scriptures

1 John 1:9; "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Psalm 103:12, 13: As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.  As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him.

Isaiah 43:25; "I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake; and I will not remember your sins."

Micah 7:19: "You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea."

When people have hurt others, especially when children are involved, they often feel that they are beyond God's forgiveness.

Insights

You could point out that Moses killed a man prior to God's calling (see Exod. 2:11-13).  Rehab the prostitute who befriended the spies sent out by Joshua to investigate the land of Palestine, was grafted into the lineage of Christ (see Matt. 1:5).  David known as a man after God's heart, was an adulterer and a party to murder (see 2 Sam. 11).  Even the apostle Paul had a stained background prior to his conversion, for he caused the persecution and death of many Christians.  God forgave all of them and changed their lives just as He will forgive the trainee you are counseling.

No individual is beyond the hand of God to bring forgiveness and healing to his troubled heart and life.  In helping people understand, I often quote Psalm 103:12, which says that our sins are far as the east from the west, and then as, "How far is the east from the west?"  After thinking for a minute, people usually remember that the east and the west never meet.  Had the psalmist said the north from the south (the north and south poles are some 12, 420 miles apart), our sins would have been a measurable distance.

Again Isaiah 44:22 mentions their sins being blotted out as something which God will never remember against us.

God's forgiveness, which was the result of Jesus' shedding His blood and dying in our stead, means we are forgiven, brought into the family of God.

Forgiving Each  Other:

Broken relationships mean broken people, and through forgiveness we find the grace of God which mends and heals.  Like the scalpel in the hand of a surgeon which can bring healing or harm, confrontation can have positive healing force by observing the following:

*  Choose the Time, Place, and manner of Confrontation

This gives you time to release your anger and pray about the encounter.  It gives you time to think through what you want to say and don't want to say.  Thhere are times when you need to get a handle on your emotions before you deal with issues.  It's O.K. to say, "John , I'd like to talk with you about... after dinner this evening.  It will give me the  time to get a handle on my feelings so I can say what I'm  thinking and not say the wrong thing."

*  Deal with the issue: Don't attack the person with whom there is a broken relationship.

Saying, "Your brother is a no-good bum!" will make sparks fly.  After all, your wife was related to the brother - who came to visit and has stayed three months, eating your food, drinking your cokes, munching potato chips in your easy chair in front of your TV - long before she became your wife.  But saying, "What can we do to help your brother find a job?"  focuses on the problem of unemployment, not hiis personal habits.

*  Express feelings in a non-threatening way

Saying, I feel that..." is better than saying, "You... (did such-and-such."  When you say, I have a problem and I need your help," the person whom you are confronting stops being a combatant and becomes part of the problem-solving process.

*  Learn to negotiate

Another term is "compromise," but that word has a connotation we try to avoid.  Life is a matter of give and take (not "I give and you take"), and a harsh, unbending attitude does not resolve conflicts.  Such a person may win the battle and lose the war.

Forgiveness means you surrender your right to hurt someone because they hurt you.  It means that you extend the right to be wrong to someone else because God has done that very thing for you.

Key Scriptures

Matthew 6:14, 15: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their  trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Luke 17:3; "Take heed to yourselves.  If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him."

Ephesians 4:32; "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you."

Matthew 18:; "moreover if your brother sins against you, go an tell him his fault between you and him alone.  If he hears you, you have gained your brother."

Insights

Most of us want to avoid the confrontation necessary to go to someone and say, "I'm sorry; forgive me."  Yet Jesus said that is exactly what we need to do, and your part as a trainer-leader is to provide the support and encouragement to help someone do this.

Forgiving Yourself

It is often easier to seek and find the forgiveness of God than to forgive ourselves for what we have done, especially when we feel our mistakes have been visited on our family.  In some cases our failures do affect our family, to say nothing of the harm we inflict on others.  Yet when we have genuinely repented and found God's forgiveness, and sought and received the forgiveness of the one wee have Hurt, we have no alternative but to forgive ourselves as well