Paul told Timothy to stay away from those who Just Wanted to
make money from preaching, and from those who strayed from the sound teachings
of the gospel into quarrels that caused strife in the church.
We should honor God and center our desires on him and we should
be content with what God is doing in our lives.
How can you keep away from the love of money? (1) realize
that one day riches will all be gone (6:7, 17); (2) be content with what you
have (6:8); (3) monitor what you are willing to do to get more money (6:11); (4)
love God's work more than money (6:11); (5) freely share what you have with
others (6:18).
We may have all we need to live but let ourselves become anxious
and discontented over what we merely want. The only alternative is to be a
slave to our desires. Greed leads to all kinds of evil: marriage problems,
robbery, and more. To master greed, you must get rid of the desire to be
rich.
As for loving God or money, how can you tell which is
"number 1" in your life? How is the "love of money"
tugging on your heartstrings now?
people don't always feel free to say what they really mean
People not always in touch with their real feelings
Feelings are some what hard to put into words
The same words have different meanings
We sometimes hear only what we want to hear
We are usually to busy planning our response to hear what
is being said.
An effective leader should be more concerned that the problem
gets solved, over the message.
Responses that Facilitate Problem-Solving
After a person sends a brief opening feeling message which
clues the listener to the possible existence of a problem, the
"trainee" usually will not move into the problem solving process
unless the trainer sends an invitation:
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"Can I be of any help with this problem?"
"I'd be interested to hear how you feel."
"Would it help to talk about it?"
"Sometimes it helps to get it off your chest."
"I'd sure like to help if I can."
"Tell me about it."
"I've got the time if you have. Want to
talk?"
Another important factor is the use of Silence. The
listener's willingness to keep quiet is usually understood as reasonable
evidence of interest and concern.
They need occasional acknowledgments of their messages, such
as: Eye contact, Nodding, "I see," "Interesting," etc.
When they have got their basic point made you should use
active listening; restate what they have said in your own words. As
example:
1. trainee: "I don't know how I'm going to
untangle this messy problem."
trainer: "You're really stumped on how to solve this one."
2. trainee: "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening to
you. I guess my mind is occupied with a problem at home with my son,
Gregg. He's all screwed up."
trainer: "Sounds like you're really worried about Gregg."
This communicates:
I hear what you are feeling.
I understand how you are seeing things now.
I am interested and concerned.
I do not judge or evaluate you.
You don't have to feel afraid of my censure.
Roadblock techniques you should avoid:
1. Ordering, Directing, Commanding.
You must do this...
You cannot do this,,,
I expect you to do this...
Stop it.
Go apologize to her.
2. Warning, Admonishing, Threatening
You had better do this...
If you don't do this then...
You better not try that.
I warn you, if you do that...
3. Judging, Criticizing, Disagreeing, Blaming
You are acting foolishly.
You are not thinking straight
You are out of line
You didn't do it right
You are wrong.
That is a stupid thing to say.
4. Name-calling, Ridiculing, Shaming
You are a fuzzy thinker
You really goofed on this one!
5. Distracting, Directing, Kidding
Think about the positive side
Try not to think about it until you're rested
Let's have lunch and forget about it
That reminds me of the time when...
You think you've got problems!
6. Interpreting, Analyzing, Diagnosing
You're saying this because you're angry.
You are jealous.
What you really need is...
You have problems with authority.
You want to look good
You are being a bit paranoid.
If you are looking for other positive ways to deal with
problems beside active listening:
You facilitate the other to find their own solution
You're primarily interested in the other's needs.
Application
What kind of church do you want?
What kind of relationship do you want?
What kind of person do you want to be?
My Characteristics:
(pick only one from each line)
Good
Listener
Good talker
Accessible
Hard to find
Decisive
Avoids decisions
Gracious
Self-Promoting
Keeps it
simple
Makes it complicated
Optimistic
Pessimistic
Gives
credit
Takes credit
Confronts
problems Avoids
problems
Speaks
directly
Manipulates
Acknowledges
mistakes Blames
others
Says
Yes
Explains why it can't be done
Enthusiastic
Placid
Seeks strong subordinatesSeeks
week subordinates
Positive
attitude
Negative attitude A
Leader
A FollowerUsually Sometimes Rarely
1. I look for positive challenges
during periods of
change
2. I'm willing to take risks
and learn from
mistakes
3. I regularly acknowledge
others
accomplishments
4. I reflect the values
I claim to believe
in.
5. I look for ways
to share
power
6. I delegate tasks with
authority and
decisiveness
7. I have written long range plans
and I am committed to
them
8. I know how to motivate
other
people
9. I know how to promote
team effort and
spirit.
10. I regularly give honest con-
structive
feedback
11. I make decisions in a
timely
manner
Any questions you answered as a Follower or Sometimes/Rarely,
should become your goals.
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