Title: Simply Me
      Author: L
      Rating: NC-17
      Disclaimer: COPYRIGHT  2002: Bob Younger, Cole Younger, and Frank James are not my creation and I can not claim copyright on then or any characters from American Outlaws. All other characters are my creation and I hold rights to them and on the plot of this story.
       
      Part 1
      *****
       
      Waking up that morning, that morning that had changed everything for her, for them, had been more pain that she thought she could endure. She was married. She, Holly Chatman, Robert Younger's best friend since the first day of kindergarten. She turned spring-green eyes on him through the mirror where she stood trying to compose her shattered nerves.
       
      "So, its real? No fake license?" She asked, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes.
       
      "It's real, all legit...." He told her, standing there with not a stitch on, a lopsided grin on his face.
       
      Was he happy? Or just scared shitless like she was? She doubted he felt the hurt she did, he couldn't. He couldn't begin to know what it was like to be so desperately in love and know that it wasn't enough, that you were wrong, that you were missing that intricate ingredient for that one person you wanted more than the next breath. Flawed. If pushed on the subject he would say he wanted both, but what did that mean now? Here, in this room, what did it mean to a married man?
       
      She supposed in retrospect she always knew that he wanted Jake Morgan, the other element in this triangle of a friendship, in this relationship. And Bob had confirmed it in the weeks since she had picked him up from college, hoping to spend the summer with him. Even their seemingly endless love making, once she told him she loved him, hadn't changed the fact that he wanted Jake, not that she really thought it would, but there was hope.  She loved Jake, loved him like family, and nothing would change that. Nothing would change that not even knowing Bob had been in his arms hours before they apparently had gotten married.
       
      "Bob...." She began, only to find her words dying a slow and torturous death inside her throat as his arms wrapped around her from behind, pushing his face against her neck, his warm breath fanning against her bare skin.
       
      "Your upset, Baby," He gave voice to his observation. He wondered if the upset came from how they came to be married or that fact that they were married at all.  "Is it really so bad?" For him it wasn't, it certainly wasn't something he'd planned but now that it had happened he welcomed it. He would have her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, he would live and breath by those vows.
       
      "It's not bad..." She tried to from some comprehensible words for the emotional turmoil she found herself in. "It's just not right." She pulled slowly out of his arms. "I can't, Bob..."
       
      "Can't what, Holly?" He asked, standing there hoping beyond hope that he wasn't hearing what he thought he was. She was leaving.
       
      "This, Bob. I love you, and I'll never stop, but...but..." She found herself shoving her legs into her jeans, glancing to the chair where a shimmering white gown lay tossed across the back of a brocade chair. A heavy groan rolled from her throat as the tears threatened to fall again. She threw on the Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt she had bought just the day before and pushed passed a stunned Bob.
       
      "Holly.." He reached out for her arm but only closed on empty air. She had grabbed her backpack and was gone, the slamming of the door was her only response. Alone.
       
      She rushed down the hall, half way to the elevator it became a sprint and then a dead run. The silver and black doors were just feet away and the tears were blinding, it was a haven in the overwrought storm of emotions, if only she could make it there. Hiccuping sobs followed the tears as the doors ahead open and before she could stop she collided with the shimmering tear blurred form of Taylor Bisek. Gentle arms came around her and she tumbled willingly into them, releasing the torrent of pent up anger, hurt, and frustration against his chest.
       
      "Holly?" Taylor was shocked into speaking, the woman in his arms was the last person he expected to run into, expected to find crying her eyes out. "Shhhhh..." He soothed, trying to quite her gasping sobs.
       
      "We're married, Taylor. Married." She mumbled as the tears began to slow.
       
      "I know, Holly, I was there." He supplied, and then realized there was very likely no way she could know that. The night before he had spent hour after hour, laughing and talking in the bar with her. They had left quite a bit less then sober both knowing not to go back to Jake's room, knowing that Jake and Bob were there together. How they had ended up in the all night chapel, with the brash stains of 'Love Me Tender' playing in the background, he couldn't quite grasp, it was all shades of white.
       
      "Why'd you let us? Why, Taylor?" She demanded, pushing slightly away from him. Her troubled gaze met his and he could see it was more than just waking up married, it ran far deeper than that.
       
      "You wanted to marry him, Holly. You did." He answered, turning her with him down the hall to where his and Jake's room was located. "You were so happy and couldn't stop saying just how much you loved him."
       
      "I do love him...." She responded as he slid the key card into the slot on the door and pushed into the room. Instantly she saw Bob, Bob sitting there with Jake. Jake's hand was wrapped around Bob's, comforting, supporting, and it was a hard reminder of why she couldn't be married to him. "No, Taylor, I have to go..." She turned with the intent to make another escape. She was good at that, escaping, running away from her problems.
       
      Taylor's hand snaked out and he grasped her wrist before she could take more than a couple of steps. "If I this is about what I think it is, Holly, your going to have to talk to him sometime." He turned his eyes back into the room for a fraction of a second worried about Jake in all this, worried about the love of his life, he wouldn't allow him to be hurt.
       
      "Not now, Taylor. I just can't do it now." She whispered pleadingly as Bob appeared in the doorway.
       
      Bob didn't know just how bad one glance from the person you loved could hurt. There were accusations shinning there, mistrust in those green eyes, and he couldn't understand why. What had he done? What had so drastically changed between them since the day before? They were married, and he loved her and she loved him in return. Marriage was the next logical step wasn't it? "Holly, come on, just talk to me. Please?"
       
      "You're the only person I wanna talk to, Bob....You're my best friend. But, you're the one person I can't talk to.....See, I married my best friend and that changes everything. " She pulled in a shuttering breath. "I'll never be enough...." Her sigh echoed in the quite hall as she turned to walk away, never seeing the welling moisture in those earthen brown eyes.
       
      The elevator to the lobby below was a torturous ride, seeming to last hours instead of seconds. Walking through the lobby, she squared her shoulders, determined not to let the rest of the world know she was anything but the carefree woman she imagined herself to be. Stepping out into the overly dry air, Holly drew in a deep breath, watching the thick string of traffic in such small space, the desert town was more than she could tolerate now.The Vegas strip stretched out on either side of her, the harshness grating on her already worn nerves. Another time she would have been having the time of her life, but not today. The shout of a taxi driver drew her from the chaos of her thoughts. She moved towards the car and slipped into the backseat.
       
      "Where to, Miss?"
       
      "It's Mrs...." She sighed, her hands grasping at the denim that encased her thighs. "The airport." She finally replied, just as a gentle rain began to sprinkle the landscape beyond the windows of the cab.
       
      **********
      TBC
       


       

       
      Part 2
      *****
       
      Bob....
       
      Holly pulled her legs under her, folding into the small uncomfortable chair, her eyes falling beyond the large panes of windows that lined the walls of the airport. Rain continued to fall, running along the glass in slow rivulets, chasing away the sweltering heat, if only momentarily.
       
       I love you...I love you...I love you......
       
      Her body ached from the night before, ached from the alcohol, ached from the hours she had undoubtedly spent in Bob's arms, she ached from loss. Why couldn't she just accept the way things were? Why couldn't she hold onto the part of him she did have and stop demanding that it was all or nothing? Part of him was better than nothing, wasn't it?  The questions ran rampant through her head, clarifying nothing, only serving to make her more confused. With a heavy soulful sigh she stood from the chair and stretched.
       
      I miss you already...
       
      Just as she was rearranging herself back into the chair, trying to find some measure of comfort in the small space. A figure approached, looming over her. She tilted her head up and made every effort to smile, but only came off looking more like a grimace.
       
      "If this chair free, young lady?" The elderly gentleman asked, pointing to the seat beside her.
       
      She nodded, stunned at just how much the man looked like a aging Robert Younger, or was that simply what she wanted to see?. "It's free."
       
      "Good, if you don't mind, I think I'll sit a spell with ya. My flight's not for awhile and I hate sitting alone..." He slowly lowered his arthritic form into the chair, dropping a small silver object from his clenched fist as he went.
       
      Holly saw it drop and bounce on the carpet between them, a frame. Reaching for it she turned it to look at the picture displayed behind the glass.
       
      "That's my Lilly, Miss." He pointed his gnarred fingers at the face that stared back at Holly. A round faced, cherry cheeked woman, with a loving and open smile peered up from the picture. "I don't go anywhere without her."
       
      "She's very pretty.." Holly lifted her head, looking around for the woman and not seeing anyone that looked remotely close to the image. She turned curious eyes to the man beside her.
       
      He gave her a sad smile and shrugged. "That little lady was my life for 47 years, Miss.." He sighed, patting Holly's hand gently. "You have a young man in your life?" And then shook his head. "You'll have to excuse a nosy old man."
       
      "I do..." Holly answered impulsively. "I got married last night."
       
      "Well, my lord, where is this lad that can catch such a stunning beauty?" He teased, it was his turn to search the area of a nearby spouse.
       
      "I left him.." She whispered, dropping her eyes to the picture again.
       
      "Oh, Miss, you can't do that..." He gasped, looking fully shocked. "That boy needs you."
       
      "No, I'm not what he needs. There is someone else...." Tears began fresh again, trickling down her cheeks.
       
      "I think you've got that all wrong. He married you..." He smiled, fishing a starched white handkerchief from his pocket and reaching over to dab at her tears. "Now, you listen to me..."
       
      Lifting her head Holly gave into a watery smile. What could he possibly tell her that would change anything? Why did he care anyway?
       
      "Lilly there was my saving grace. She loved me enough to see all of me, the bad and the good. Most of the time there was a lot more bad than good, believe me." He tilted his head and watched her, accessing the look of despair on her pretty face. "You see...." He leaned in with a conspiratory grin crossing his wrinkled features. "I was a rowdy buck in my day. Sported many woman on my arm before and after I met Lilly. I hurt her sometimes without really known it, without seeing how or why." He shrugged and wiped away another tear. "But when I was set on having her it was her and no one else would do. Sure, I looked and thought about other woman but once I said 'I do' to her it was all over. Like I said, she was my life."
       
      "That's beautiful.." She sniffled, eyes red rimmed and swollen.
       
      "This husband of yours, did you talk to him about how you were feeling?" He asked, dismissing her comment.
       
      "No, I was...I just couldn't talk about it..." She sighed, wondering how much of a mistake that was now. Suddenly seeing how childish and immature this appeared, how she appeared. She blushed a bright red. "I just couldn't take hearing from him what I was afraid of the most. I'm afraid I'm not enough for him."
       
      "Oh, young lady, I seriously doubt that. No matter the situation, and I'm not stupid I know how things work these days, I couldn't fathom you not being enough for anyone." He patted her cheek as if she were a cherished child. "So do me and Lilly here a favor and talk to that young man of yours and straighten this all out. I'm betting on love and happiness. It's a sure thing."
       
      "I think maybe I should." Her smile was more confident now, more sure of what she needed to do. She stood from the chair, determined. "I'm gonna go call him."
       
      "Good! That a girl!" He took the picture that she ever so carefully handed back to him. There was no more words needed here, he saw the thank you shimmering in her eyes.
       
      She walked quickly through the terminal towards the bank of telephones at the far end, her eyes going back to the usually arid landscape beyond the windows. A wildly surprised gasp fell from her lips as she happened to glance towards the terminal doors. He was there, standing, watching her. His hair was wet and dripping, from the rain, his clothes plastered against his body. Even from this distance she could see the heaving of his chest and knew he had been running.
       
      "Bob...." She whispered with the slightest edge of a sob. Turning she walked slowly towards him their eyes locked in that moment, pools of uncertain chocolate brown, orbs of doubtless emerald green spoke volumes across the space that separated them. When finally she was close enough to touch him she reached up and caressed along his cheek. Her heart melted as he turned into the gesture, eyes clamped tight against the emotion that was threatening to pour from that outlet.
       
      "Holly, don't leave..." He whispered, his voice carried with all the anxiety of a lost little boy, his heart thundering in his chest. He couldn't be without her, not ever, and the possibility of having to face that made him die inside.
       
      "Shhhhhh....." She moved against him, the freshly scented rain soaking through her clothes too, as she nuzzled lovingly at his neck. "Am I enough for you, Robert? Simply me?"
       
      His arms wrapped tightly around her, holding her so tightly he was surely crushing her. Finally, it all made sense, he knew what she was so afraid of. Why she had run instead of facing him. How could he have not seen it? He vowed then and there that nothing would come between them, not even Jake, especially not Jake.
       
      "I love you, Holly. You were always enough. Always."
       
       
      Fini