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Ten Reasons Men Shouldn't Be Ordained

submitted by Tucker Lieberman

A Satire by Ivan Emke
            
http://www.belief.net/
Reprinted by permission of The Mennonite Reporter,

now called Canadian Mennonite.

1. Their physical build indicates that men are
more suited to tasks such as picking turnips or
de-horning cattle. It would indeed be "unnatural"

for them to do other forms of work. How can we

argue with the intended order that is instituted

and enforced by nature?

2. For men who have children, their duties as
ministers might detract from their
responsibilities as parents. Instead of teaching
their children important life skills like how to
make a wiener-roasting stick, they would be off
at some committee meeting or preparing a
sermon. Thus these unfortunate children of
ordained men would almost certainly receive
less attention from their male parent. Some
couples might even go so far as to put their
children into secular daycare centers to permit
the man to fulfill his duties as a minister.

3. According to the Genesis account, men
were created before women, presumably as a
prototype. It is thus obvious that men represent
an experiment, rather than the crowning
achievement of creation.

4. Men are overly prone to violence. They are
responsible for the vast majority of crime in our
country, especially violent crime. Thus they
would be poor role models, as well as being
dangerously unstable in positions of
leadership.

5. In the New Testament account, the person
who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus his lack
of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a
symbol of the subordinate position that all men
should take. The story also illustrates the
natural tendency of all men to be either
unwilling or unable to take a stand. From the
Garden of Gethsemane to football locker
rooms, men still have this habit of buckling
under the weight of the lowest common
denominator. It is expected that even ordained
men would still embarrass themselves with
their natural tendency toward a pack mentality.

6. Jesus didn't ordain men. He didn't ordain any
women either, but two wrongs don't make a
right.

7. If men got ordained, then they wouldn't be
satisfied with that; they'd want more and more
power. Next thing most of the Conference
leaders would be men and then where would
we be? No. The line must be drawn clearly now
before it's too late.

8. Many, if not most, men who seek to be
ordained have been influenced by the radical
"men's movement" (or "masculist movement").
How can they be good leaders if their loyalties
are divided between leading a church and
championing the masculist drive for men's
rights? The tract writers haven't pronounced on
it yet, but the masculist movement is probably
profoundly un- Christian.

9. To be an ordained pastor is to nurture and
strengthen a whole congregation. But these are
not traditional male roles. Rather, throughout
the history of Christianity, women have been
considered to be not only more skilled than
men at nurturing, but also more fervently
attracted to it. Women, the myth goes, are
fulfilled and completed only by their service to
others. This makes them the obvious choice for
ordination. But if men try to fit into this
nurturing role, our young people might grow up
with Role Confusion Syndrome, which could
lead to such terrible traumas as the
Questioning Tradition Syndrome.

10. Men can still be involved in Church
activities, without having to be ordained. They
can still take up the offering, shovel the
sidewalk, and maybe even lead the singing on
Father's Day. In other words, by confining
themselves to such traditional male roles, they
can still be vitally important in the life of the
Church. Why should they feel left out?