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A Movie Review (sort of): The Virgin Suicides
by Tucker Lieberman
FormalTuck@aol.comOn Friday, having
finished four out of five finals and therefore not needing to avail myself of a
paper extension and unexpectedly finding myself immersed in a free weekend, and,
for all practical purposes, the beginning of summer, as my remaining final did
not require studying any more than a fish needs a bicycle, I decided, despite
the post-final exhaustion that was making my vision waver something
sinister, to take myself out to the Avon. The Avon is a single-screen
movie theater one block from my dorm. The movie of the week was called
"The Virgin Suicides."
It must be noted that I have never self-identified as a
virgin. At age 13 I took great pains to demonstrate my contempt for the
word "virgin," particularly in the liberally chosen company of boys in my own
grade. My rejection of the concept of "technical virginity" and "purity"
was so complete that I had no established boundaries between sex and
non-sex, and as a consequence, I do not have any recollection of "the first time
I had sex" because I did not divide my experiences into "not really sex" and
"all the way." (I know teenagers are supposed to do this, but I just
didn't, so I'm just bad, whoop-dee-doo.) People tend to politely back away
from me and occupy themselves in the company of a normal fellow once they hear
that I don't remember the first time I had sex. But that's okay.
Where was I. Oh yes, the word "virgin". Because of my personal
rejection of the term, for many years I bitterly resented anyone who used
it. The mere sound of "vir" and "gin" uttered consecutively by the same
person caused me to have a spastic convulsion, incited by the repression of the
desire to throw a calculus textbook at their head.
This is why I am proud to tell you all that I went to a movie
called "The Virgin Suicides." Never mind that it was the only movie
playing at the Avon on my last day of finals. No, the point is that I
walked into the theater and didn't even think of kicking the poster, not
I! This shows how much progress I have made in not projecting my own
lexical preferences onto other people's sexual identities. Even if they
are virgins.
But this is a movie review. What is this movie about, you
ask? Mostly, it was about virgins. We are given to know in the title
that they kill themselves, which adds a tinge of suspense, while they remain
alive, to what would otherwise be a quite virginal movie.
See, there's this family of five blond-haired virgin girls and
these boys across the street are secretly in love with them. It's like the
Brady Bunch, pre-union. All you get are these slow, languorous shots of
the girls, moving lithely in summer dresses and winking with digitally generated
eye-twinkles, and just when I'm at the point where I'm like, "Hey, is this going
to be a girl-watching movie?", the most bubblesome cupcake this side of the
oven door steps onto the screen. The character's name is Trip
Fontaine. He managed to make even this repressed, resistant theater-goer
feel like the Alka-Seltzer tablet when it hits the water.
Back to the plot. What is it, you ask? Well, there
wasn't much of one. There are the girls and there are the boys: "the
boys", as we know nothing about them (not even, I think, their names), just that
they serve as our eyepieces for the girls. As I stated previously, we know
from the title of the movie and various unsubtle hints throughout that the girls
are going to die. It must also be added that the girls are being raised in
a repressive, Catholic home, which they deeply resent and have no power
over. But we do not ever get to know them personally. We just stare
at them.
Strangely enough, although I drank from the water fountain
before the movie started and already had to pee by the opening scene, I couldn't
bring myself to go the bathroom. It never seemed like the right
time. I always felt like I was about to miss something important.
The next day, a Boston Globe reviewer confirmed my opinion: the movie was
"inconclusive but oddly captivating." Or maybe I've just become a
girl-watcher.
Election 2000
Coverage (truly a Travesty... )
Open the Presidential Debates to all political parties that are
eligible by the electoral college! Yes, as of now we are force-fed
pointless, petty dribble from Democrats and Republicans, while third-parties and
independents aren't allowed to participate! This further narrows the
already limited exposure third-party candidates receive. One is tempted to
ask, is this on PURPOSE?! Is somebody afraid to let them speak?
Isn't everyone supposed to have a fair chance at the presidency? Exercise
your right to choose and sign this petition!
Online petition: Open up the Presidential
Debates!
Addressed to: The Commission on Presidential
Debates
Sponsored by: Open Debates of America
Web
site:
http://www.i-charity.net/sw.cgi/ptn/39/tfref/171Not
only can you sign this petition online, but also you may leave a comment and a
link to your web site. You can also read the comments of other people who
signed this petition. So far there are 3420 signatures.
"Our hopes
for democracy are a joke without open debates."