Stray Kat Strut
The Great Kat can do no wrong...Just ask her
by Chris Parcellin
These days it's pretty tough to keep the youngsters' attention. What with cable television, the internet and the WWF, kids need something pretty damn spectacular to engage them for more than twenty seconds.
Enter The Great Kat. This tough-talking, guitar-slinging, blood-spitting Juilliard grad is a walking contradiction. On one hand, she's a one-woman sideshow that gives KISS a run for their money for sheer over-the-top showmanship.
On the other, she's a virtuoso violinist and guitarist who could probably be leading a very quiet existence with some symphony orchestra...if she just didn't dig heavy metal!
D-FILED travels the globe rounding-up looneys from all segments of showbiz, and getting them to spill their guts. Few of them have quite stratospheric level of cockiness displayed by Kat, but that's what makes her so much damn fun.
Are you as wild as you seem?
THE GREAT KAT: The reason The Great Kat has to be a WILD, SEXY, BLOOD-DRIPPING, DEMONIC
DOMINATRIX employing SADISTIC ABUSE is because the PENIS-OBSESSED, MACHO,
CHAUVINISTIC PEABRAINS CAN'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ELSE!!!!! The Great Kat HAS
to WHIP ALL OF THOSE FAGGOTS into SUBMISSION to MAKE EVERYONE UNDERSTAND
CLASSICAL/METAL GENIUS!!!!! NOW BOW AND LICK MY GODLY FEET,
SLAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW WAKE UP AND LISTEN TO THE GREAT KAT'S CYBERSPEED CD "BLOODY VIVALDI"
NOW!!!!!
"Bloody Vivaldi"CD features:
-Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons" -- an extraordinary 2 minute and 12 second
Cyberspeed Classical/Metal version of Vivaldi's famous piece, with an ACTUAL
Chamber Orchestra (Solo Violin, 1st Violin, 2nd Violin, Viola, Cello, Double
Bass, and Conductor) AND full metal band. The Great Kat performs all
violins, viola, guitars and conducts.
-"Torture Chamber" -- Kat tantalizes you with a little S&M on this
mini-opera--with crazy vocals, industrial sounds, screams, guitar wailing
and abusive Kat lyrics.
-"BLOOD" -- The Guitar Dominatrix blows you away on this insane 39-second
wall of guitar shredding - guaranteed to draw blood from your ears.
-Sarasate's "Carmen Fantasy" -- a Cyberspeed version of the Spanish
Classical virtuoso violin piece with an electric guitar duet. Violin AND
guitar virtuosity performed at unbelievable speeds. Check it out at the Kat web site.
What's your idea of a good date?
TGK: A Good Date: BOWING TO THE GREAT KAT! LICKING THE GREAT KAT'S FEET!
CHANTING "THE GREAT KAT IS GOD!"!!!!! GET IT, PEONS?????!!!!!!!!
You need to learn to speak up...What sets you apart from all the other guitarists
out there?
TGK: The Great Kat is a JUILLIARD GRADUATE VIOLIN VIRTUOSO-TURNED GUITAR GENIUS,
the REINCARNATION of Beethoven and is CHANGING the FACE OF CLASSICAL MUSIC
by bringing it to the MASSES USING METAL--CALLED CYBERSPEED CLASSICAL/METAL
MUSIC!!!!!!!!!! The Great Kat is the ONLY musical genius in the world taking
AUTHENTIC Classical music and mixing it with VICIOUS, VIOLENT SPEED
METAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GREAT KAT has ALREADY CHANGED the COURSE OF MUSIC
HISTORY by RESURRECTING CLASSICAL MUSIC for the 21st CENTURY!!
Do you like any of the rock bands who are out there today?
TGK: THE GREAT KAT'S "CYBERSPEED" CLASSICAL/METAL MUSIC IS THE ONLY MUSIC IN THE
WORLD THAT EXISTS!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quiet, I'm napping!!...You've taken some pretty sexy photos. Would you ever pose for Playboy?
TGK: WAKE UP, YOU ARCHAIC, CHAUVINIST, 16th CENTURY MACHO IDIOT!!!!! GET into the
GENIUS, FAST-THINKING 21st CENTURY--WHERE IT DOES NOT MATTER WHETHER YOU ARE
A FEMALE OR MALE, BUT WHETHER YOU ARE A GENIUS OR IDIOT!!!!!!
Yeah, Kat, but how do you really feel?...Okay,
what's the biggest misconception about you?
TGK: EVERYTHING IS TRUE!!!! THE GREAT KAT IS A VICIOUS, MANIACAL, AGGRESSIVE,
ABUSIVE, and OBNOXIOUS EGOMANIAC!!!!!!!!!!
You? Obnoxious?! So, what will fans find at your website?
TGK: The OFFICIAL Great Kat Web Site features:
1-The NEW "BLOODY VIVALDI" CD!!!-Get EXCITING, EAR-BLEEDING Music Samples
(Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons") from the GROUNDBREAKING new Great Kat CD
"Bloody Vivaldi"!!!!!!
2-The Great Kat "TORTURE CHAMBER" Music Video
3-Cyberspeed Music WAVS, REAL AUDIO: The Great Kat, Vivaldi, Beethoven,
Wagner, Bach, Sarasate, Rossini, Chopin, Rimsky-Korsakov AND MORE!!!!!!
4-HOT Kat PHOTOS
5-Kat Merchandise
6-Kat Reviews, Articles
7-AND MORE!!!
Do you have any upcoming projects? Don't be shy!
TGK: THE NEXT Cyberspeed Great Kat CD will FEATURE a CYBERSPEED VERSION of the
POWERFUL AND POPULAR ROSSINI'S "WILLIAM TELL" Overture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This
will be the FIRST CD EVER to combine a Metal band with an actual SYMPHONY
ORCHESTRA (Horns, Winds, Tympani, Strings, etc.) PLAYING AUTHENTIC Classical
WORKS on both the ORCHESTRA and METAL BAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you going to be touring soon?
TGK: IF ALL YOU KAT SLAVES OUT THERE BOW AND LICK MY GODLY FEET AND BEG ME
ENOUGH, MAYBE THE HIGH-PRIESTESS of GUITAR SHRED will BLESS YOU INFERIOR
MORONS with MY UNIQUE GENIUS LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, as long as you wash your feet first...What's your message for America's youth?
TGK: WORK YOUR BUTT OFF!!!!!! GET INTELLIGENT!!!!!!! GET INTO THE AGGRESSIVE,
COMPETITIVE, ONLINE INFORMATION-OBSESSED 21st CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN
TO "CYBERSPEED" MUSIC AND BECOME A GENIUS!!!!!!
(Kat threatened to run a marathon--and then make me
lick her feet--if I didn't include the following...)
ATTENTION ALL KAT SLAVES:
BOW TO YOUR GUITAR DOMINATRIX: THE GREAT KAT!!
The Great Kat Guitar Goddess Web Site
Email The Great Kat
Write to The Great Kat at
TPR Music, 775 Park Ave.,
Suite #222, Huntington,NY 11743
CALL 1-800-KAT-9199 or 631-549-7575
© 2000 Chris Parcellin, All Rights Reserved.
All photos courtesy of the Great Kat, © 2000.
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