HANK THE ANGRY DRUNKEN DWARF

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Dwarfing the Competition Hank straightens-us-out on a few things by Chris Parcellin
Any fan of Howard Stern's syndicated radio show, or his E! and CBS television programs is familiar with Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf.
Hank hails from Fall River, Massachusetts, where staying drunk all-the-time isn't such a bad idea. But since being plucked from obscurity by Stern several years ago, Hank has built his own cult following. In addition to that, he's appeared in films and been named People magazine's "Most Beautiful Person" much to their chagrin.
Any way you slice it, Hank has star power! What he lacks in height he makes up for in pure audacity. A nation looks on in teary-eyed wonder.
But all is not peaches and cream for our hero. A brutal showdown with his Stern Show arch-nemesis Beetlejuice seems imminent.
If you don't like Hank, in the man's own words "Go have sex with Jesus!"
What will "Hank Groupies" find on your website?
HANK: My website is full of insults, funny stories, pictures of hot chicks and stories all about me. They will have a good time and even better time if they drink and get loaded while on my site.

What's the best part of being a celebrity?
HANK: Getting hot chicks that want to meet me and have sex with me. Also, getting free drinks is always a plus...

I hear that, brother. What film roles have you done? Do you have anymore coming up?
HANK: I played a 'wacko' in Reing Dance Entertainment's Shoe Shine Boys I played 'God' in Troma Films movie Citizen Toxie I played a messenger in Secret Agent 420 from Recycle Pictures. I would love to be in more movies or commercials...I have been told many times that I am actually a good actor.

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Copyright 2000. All Rights Reserved.
That's right. I know Martin Landau is a big fan of your's...But on a more serious note, what's your favorite kind of booze?
HANK: Vodka and soda or beer.

Do chicks dig you more since you've become a Stern regular?
HANK: Chicks dig me big time. They like it that I am crotch level...

Don't mince words, Hank. What do you look for in a lady?
HANK: My penis!

Have you banged any actresses yet?
HANK: Maybe. I don't care who they are, if they want to have sex with me--that's all I care about.

Hmmm, it's good to be drunk. What's Howard like off-the-air?
HANK: Ask him...

He's not returning my calls...Who'd win in a fight between you and Gary Coleman?
HANK: I am not a fighter, I am a drinker. I would beat the shit out of him in a drinking match.

Photo courtesy of : www.hankthedwarf.com
All Rights Reserved
When you make personal appearances, what do you do?
HANK: I host contests, judge contests, insult the crowd, a nnounce bands, sing karaoke, dance with chicks, and drink, drink, drink...

With all this success, are you still angry?
HANK: F%#k you, ass&@$e. I am always angry; Actually, I only get mad when people act like morons. That is what makes me angry.

Who are some of your cool showbiz friends?
HANK: I have met Gilbert Godfried, the guys from Sugar Ray, Martin Landau, Courtney Love, and a few others. But I don't consider them friends, just people I have met who are famous.

Any other upcoming projects that you want to mention?
HANK: Just my website is a lot of fun---and where people can buy all kinds of stuff like t-shirts, posters, keychains, and signed headshots.