THE DYNASTY OF VENUS

“Well Janice, you have excelled yourself once more”, said Gruffy. “That was delicious.” He put down his knife and fork and took his sister’s hands across the dinner table. “Janice, you mustn’t worry about what I do”, he reassured her, pressing her fingers gently with his own. Mannie in turn finished his meal at this point, and wiped his mouth sedately clean with a napkin from the table. He interrupted the siblings’ conversation. “Yes, Gruffy knows exactly what he’s doing”, he said. “I’ve never know him to suffer even a cut. He’s in no danger, believe me.” “That’s all very well, but I’m not sure I approve of my younger brother being involved in all this violence and killing.” “Would you rather I left these demons to stray about the streets, Janice? What would you have me do, when you know full well I’m the only person who can deal with this!”, Gruffy replied, slightly ruffled. Janice withdrew her hands from Gruffy’s and looked rather hurt and taken aback at his sudden outburst. Gruffy did not want her to feel uncomfortable with what he was doing, but she simply did not understand what his occupation meant to Wales. “It’s my calling”, he murmured finally, rising from his seat at the table and collecting the plates into a pile. He gathered them into his arms and retired to the kitchen with an appealing look to both Janice and Mannie. Mannie took advantage of his opportunity well and began the following speech. “Janice”, he uttered solemnly. “I know Gruffy is your brother; indeed he is like a brother to me, but you must try to comprehend the seriousness of what he find himself in. He had no choice, he did not request this. You must remember, no matter what, that whatever Gruffy is, be it a banker’s clerk, solicitor, builder, librarian, teacher, or as he is, the slayer, he is still your brother, and my friend, and as so we must support and aid him whenever we can.” “You are right as ever Mannie”, was her response after a deliberating pause. “I will speak to him.”..............A FEW HOURS LATER................ As Gruffy and Mannie drove along the M3 in Gruffy’s Jaguar S-type, there was a strange silence between them. If the truth had been told, Mannie was rather embarrassed about what had just passed at Janice’ s house, and so too was his friend. It was raining heavily outside, and Mannie watched the spots of water fall solemnly on the windscreen, fidgeting nervously with his collar as he did so. Gruffy too was somewhat distracted, humming tensely to himself rather than face conversation with his passenger. Eventually Mannie broke the awkward silence. “Gruffy, this is ridiculous. I did try to make Janice understand, but it’s difficult.” “I know”, replied Gruffy, rather abashed. “It’s just I want her to accept me.” “Listen, I’ve had a tip off about a new case…”, said Mannie. “Oh?” “Yes, you know that great Edwardian mansion up Brecon way?”, Mannie started. “Well, there’s a somewhat gothic looking man that lives there, who’s suspected by the locals to be a vampire. I can’t be sure, as I haven’t had a chance to meet him yet, but from what I’ve heard he sounds highly suspicious.” “Perhaps we should take a trip up there and investigate. Better that we get him before he has a chance to strike”, was Gruffy’s reply. ..............LATER ON AT HOLLOWCRANE HALL.............A Jaguar S-Type screeched to a halt outside the imposing figure of Hollowcrane Hall in Brecon, and two shadowy shapes emerged from it, making their way towards the antique front door of the mansion. It was Mannie and Gruffy, come to investigate mysterious goings on. The door was thick with dust and grime, looking as if it had not been used in years, and the bell pull had long since rotted, leaving an amputated stump of a piece of rope hanging limply by the door. “Is it deserted?”, inquired Gruffy, as Mannie surveyed the outside windows and walls of the residence. “I don’t believe so”, was Mannie’s reply. “More of a cleverly designed decoy.” “Oh? How do you know?” “Well, just look at the place. It may appear derelict, but too perfectly derelict for my liking. These windows couldn’t possibly have decayed so greatly in so little time, and I know that this house was lived in not five years ago.” “So you think that this chap, the one the locals think is a vampire, has purposely set up this deception for the sole purpose of keeping people out. If you’re right this bloke has got to be found”, Gruffy said. “Let’s go round the back and see if we can see anything suspicious. If there’s any signs of abnormal activity, I’m going in.”

There was a knock at the door and Janice prized herself off the sofa and away from “Ready Steady Cook” to answer it. She slumped up the hallway towards the door, calling out irately in attempt to silence the incessant ringing of the doorbell, and attempting to pull her slippers fully on. “Who’s there?”, she said nervously, as it was quite an advanced hour. “Gruffy”, replied a rather strange sounding, but quiet voice. “Oh brother, why do you call at such hours? If this is about what happened earlier, I thought we’d sorted that out.” “No”, came the voice. “I’ve got something to show you.” Janice turned the key in the door and slid the bolt across. Upon opening the door she was confronted with a face that certainly was not that of her brother. “Who are you?”, she gasped, half angry, half shocked. The stranger stretched out his hand to her and introduced himself. “Johnny”, he said. “My name is Johnny Crane and I think I’ve got the wrong house. I must apologise profusely to you madam for my intrusion.” Janice thought to herself for a moment. This stranger was certainly attractive, and it was not everyday she had handsome men knocking at her door. Still, she couldn’t help but notice that there was something distinctly gothic-looking about his appearance, but that aside, he was very eligible indeed. “Oh, you must come in if you’ve lost your way, sir”, she said, flushing slightly. “Thank you, Miss…”, was Johnny’s reply. “I fear it is too late for me to find my way now.” “Janice”, replied she. Johnny stepped inside the threshold, for he could now Janice had invited him in. He was dressed solely in black and green velvet, and looked rather a quizzical figure, with his thin, bandy legs and unruly black hair. Janice thought for a second that he bore some resemblance to Johnny Depp, but dismissed the notion immediately and ushered him into her sitting room, hurriedly switching off “Ready Steady Cook” as she did so. “So”, she said. “What brings you to these parts?” “Business with an old acquaintance”, responded he. “I am sorry if I gave you a fright.” “Please”, Janice uttered. “Sit down, make yourself at home. Can I get you a drink?” “Well, here’s a lucky thing. I have a bottle of one of my finest wines with me. It was to be for my old friend Barry, but seeing as I cannot see him tonight now, there’s no use in letting it go to waste, ay?” “If you’re quite sure your friend Barry won’t mind”, replied Janice rather pathetically. “Quite sure, if he knew it was going to be drunk by such a beautiful woman as yourself.” Janice blushed violently, retreating to the kitchen for a pair of wineglasses and leaving Johnny smiling to himself in her absence. He was close to success with his first victim, and he pondered on the many more there would be.

The ladder wobbled precariously as Gruffy peered through one of the upstairs windows of Hollowcrane Hall. “Mannie, watch what you’re doing down there!”, he shouted to the watcher. “What’ll you do if you have me off this thing and there’s no slayer left?” But Mannie was too busy thinking to hear his friend’s reproaches. Gruffy squinted through the filthy glass, impatient to see what was inside. He could barely make out the shape of a desk and the domineering figures of some vast bookcases, but this meant nothing to him; he needed evidence, and quickly. It was then, as he moved his hea from side to side, in hope of obtaining a better view of the contents of the room, that he caught a glimpse of a grand collection of what appeared to be laboratory equipment. That was strange, for it had been an elderly woman who had lived at Hollowcrane before. “Mannie”, Gruffy called to the silent body below. “Was Mrs Evans-Lewis a great lover of science?” “No, she was almost entirely stuck in her traditional way, as far as I know. That’s why she lived here, wanted to escape all the new technological and scientific advances.” “Then it wouldn’t be at all in character that she should have a laboratory and comprehensive science library?” “Why no, but….Gruffy, we need to get in there somehow.” Gruffy thought hard for a moment, it was all very well that Mannie should say that, but he was a respected figure in the community and wasn’t very willing to risk this by getting caught breaking and entering a house. What would it look like, for goodness sake? There was, however, an overwhelming sense that this room might provide vital clues to other goings on in the parish, and the talk of the locals would have to be treated as a valid source. Gruffy looked helplessly down to the watcher below, who looked irately up at him and shouted. “Gruffy please, this is a possible emergency. We don’t’ know what this guy’s up to, and if we don’t find out nobody’s going to.” “But we can’t just break in there”, said Gruffy hesitantly. “That’s not what we’re supposed to do. Anyway, this could all be innocent, and then what?” “Just break the bloody glass Gruffy”, shouted Mannie, by this time losing his temper. Gruffy did as his friend said, pulled his sleeve down over his hand to punch out one of the panes of glass in the window. He climbed inside as the pane shattered into thousands of splinters beneath him, looking cautiously about him as he did so, and finally turning around to call to Mannie. “Mannie, you can come up now, but for God’s sake keep quiet!”

The room was silent, cold, eerie even, and Gruffy searched the walls for a light switch desperately. It came to his fumbling hands and he turned it on, filling the room with brilliant light. Mannie came in through the window behind him at that moment and thudded down on the dust-ridden carpet covering the creaking floorboards of the chamber. “Found anything?” inquired Mannie. “Not yet, but I’ve hardly looked”, was Gruffy’s reply. “This laboratory equipment here, what do you make of it?” There were flasks, test tubes, boiling tubes, beakers and burettes all arranged on a large bench in the centre of the immense library, and around them stood stacks and piles of grimy books and soiled ledgers. Gruffy picked these various scripts up and leafed through the pages slowly, looking for vital clues to what the resident of this mansion was up to. Mannie, meanwhile, was studying the scientific equipment with scrupulous diligence. He was puzzled as to the contents of the containers – one in particular was a strange translucent crimson colour. Gruffy strolled over to the desk on the other side of the room and sat down nonchalantly on the swivel chair, resting one of the ledgers on his lap to read it. Turning on the spotlight, and hunching closer to the book, he winced to read the calligraphy manuscript. Gruffy smiled to himself as he realised that the text was a collection of recipes and spells. There was a page marked with a leather bookmark in the ledger, and Gruffy turned hastily to it in his quest for evidence and aid. It was a formula for a love spell. Strange, he thought, for the locals had reported the activity of a vampire, no a love struck maniac, though it was important that he found this potion. Perhaps it was of those on the table that Mannie was investigating. Gruffy rose from the swivel chair and as he did so, knocked a file from the desk. A scrap of paper fell to the floor with what looked like an address scrawled on it. It read - 36 Wyn Crescent, Aberdare. He recoiled in horror as he perused the text on the paper, as it was none other than his own sister’s address. What was this, some kind of joke set up by the local people of Brecon to try and deceive the slayer whilst something more sinister was carried out? He could not think of anything but that he had been fooled, and yet there was another piece of paper that had fallen from the file on the floor. Gruffy bent down to pick it up, and discovered it was letter received from Robert Lindsay. So there was something in this after all; he opened the letter furiously. It was addressed to a Mr Johnny Crane of Hollowcrane Hall that was presumably the occupant of this strange place, but just what was he up to? The message contained instructions that Johnny might formulate a love potion for use in seducing women, allowing him to feed off their blood when they had fallen so helplessly in love with him that they would be powerless to resist. “Janice”, shouted Gruffy aloud, turning to explain his findings to Mannie. “Mannie, we have to go, Janice is in trouble, serious trouble!” Mannie was coming across the library towards him with a cocky smile plastered all over his face. Gruffy was both irate and worried for his sister’s safety at the same time, and the fact the Mannie was now grinning inanely at him, in spite of the grave circumstances, was almost too much. “Gruffy”, whispered Mannie soothingly. “I think there’s something you should know. All these years we’ve known each other, well…..what I want to say is, I love you.” “You what?!?!?”, shouted Gruffy, half alarmed, half infuriated. “I love you Gruffy.” Mannie had taken some of the love potion in his attempts to discover what it was. That had been fatal, as Gruffy was the only other person in the room with him. Gruffy’s mind raced through thoughts of Janice, Johnny and Mannie – what would he do now that his trusted advisor and watcher had unwittingly fallen hopelessly in love with him? Mannie was coming quickly towards him by this time, overcome with affection for his friend, and Gruffy decided that there was only one thing left to do under the circumstances. He picked up the huge dusty ledger and hit Mannie hard about the head with it, sending him plunging to the floor. Then, lifting the watcher over his shoulder he carried him out of the window and down the ladder to the ground.

Gruffy loaded Mannie into the back seat of his Jaguar S-Type, and slamming the door he checked the inner pocket of his blazer to see if he was still carrying his trusty stake with him. It was there, and so too were his two 44 caliber pistols, tucked neatly in their holsters beneath his jacket. Getting in the car and jamming the key impatiently in the ignition, the slayer thought suddenly of his sister and the trouble she was no doubt in by now. If the truth be told, though he did not like to admit it, he was rapidly losing his cool, and with his watcher now disabled in the back of the car, his mind raced through possible scenarios that Johnny could be inflicting on Janice. He put his foot to the accelerator sharply, turning up the stereo to full volume and winding the windows down completely. He had never much liked “Queen”, but it was at times like these that their music seemed oddly appropriate.

LATER AT JANICE’S HOUSE……….

Johnny leaned over Janice as she began to fall drowsy with the effect of the potion. He was contemplating the sweet taste of her blood, her life’s juice, and relishing the thought of his success. There would be many more, he was sure of that, and it was just fortunate that his first chosen victim had been a single woman particularly susceptible to his infinite charms. Indeed, he even began to wonder where the slayer had got to, for most plans made by Robert Lindsay were eventually thwarted by the one they called Gruffy. Johnny laughed hideously to himself at the notion that for once he had outsmarted the slayer and the watcher. Perhaps the knowledge that he was about to feast on the blood of the sister of none other than the slayer might have added to his pleasure, but it was pure chance and nothing else that had brought him to this residence. Nevertheless, he was gratified enough that his first conquest was about to be fulfilled. Janice stirred beneath Johnny on the sofa, and he drew back the collar of her shirt from around her neck. She truly was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. He was almost tempted to feel a pang of sympathy for her, but rebuked himself accordingly, and prepared to carry out the dreadful task of draining her life from her. Just then there was a crash from the adjacent hall, sounding much like a door had collapsed. Johnny stood up abruptly from his place on the sofa, and stuck his head out of the living room doorway to investigate the disturbance. There in the hall stood the proud figure of Gruffy the vampire slayer, large as life and ready for action. Johnny shrunk back in horror as he realised his plans had been impeded, and tried to make a vain attempt to push past Gruffy, and escape out the front door. It was to no avail though, as the slayer threw the weedy figure of a vampire to the floor and drew his stake for the kill. It looked as if the slayer had triumphed once more, but it was not yet to be. Johnny kicked the stake out of Gruffy’s trembling hand, and they both watched as it spun out of the hall and across the polished kitchen tiles. The vampire turned his head to Gruffy and smiled a wicked, smug grin, but Gruffy was not finished yet. He drew the pair of 44 caliber pistols from their holsters and fired two bullets clean through Johnny’s heart, leaving him a pile of dust on the carpet. “Nicely done”, said Mannie, coming through the open door behind him, nursing his head. Gruffy stepped back slightly as Mannie approached, wary that the effects of the love potion may not have worn off yet. “Er…I better go and see how Janice is”, he faltered, retreating into the living room to find his bewildered sister. Janice was lying dazed on her white leather sofa, rubbing her eyes at the sight of her younger brother. “What are you doing here? Where’s Johnny?”, she mumbled incoherently. “He was a vampire Janice”, replied Mannie from the doorway. “He was after your blood and nothing else.” “But he was so…so charming.” She sighed heavily and sat up on the sofa. “Perhaps now I will appreciate your calling slightly better than I did before”, was all she could say. Gruffy embraced his sister fondly, and as he looked over her shoulder towards Mannie, he noticed his friend was shifting his weight from one foot to the other in a rather nervous fashion. Finally Mannie spoke. “Gruffy”, he said quietly. “About what happened earlier…I want you to know that however good friends we are, I can’t say I’ll ever fall in love with you.” “That’s okay”, replied the slayer. “But I can’t say I’d blame you if you did. After all, slaying vampires has never been so damn sexy!”

THE END