Corrine - Just ignore him, it's only Sonny. It's only Sonny.
Corrine - We wasted the good surprise on you.
Sonny - Alright.
Kevin - Hey, excuse me everybody...I'm about to do something I never thought I'd have the guts to do.
Sonny - You're not proposing, are ya?!
Kevin - Yeah buddy, I am.
Sonny - Do I need to buy you a bottle of formula or something?
Julian - No
Sonny - What do you eat?
Julian - Food
Sonny - I eat food too.
Sonny - How old are you anyway?
Julian - 5
Sonny - Do you wear a diaper?
Julian - No
Sonny - You wipe your own ass then?
Julian - Yes
Julian - I wipe my own ass.
Delivery guy - Me too.
Sonny - You suck, you suck, you suck.
Sonny - My mother always said that soda rots your teeth, but you're gonna lose them teeth anyway, so rot on, right?
[After Julian wet the bed]
Sonny - Good god, that's a shit load of piss.
[Julian bounces in front of TV]
Sonny - How you doin?
Julian - How you doin?
Sonny - Do you like hockey?
Julian - Do you like hockey?
Sonny - This is a very important game.
Julian - This is a very important game.
Sonny - Cut the crap.
Julian - Cut the crap.
Sonny - How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck if a wood-chuck could chuck wood?
[Julian stops bouncing] Sonny - Yeah, I thought so, move!
Sonny - Hi, what's your name, I'll write on the wall, mind your business?
Sonny - Frankenstein, what do you want?
Julian - 30 packets of ketchup.
Julian - Layla, if you don't come over to Sonny's apartment tonight there's a good chance I might develop a stutter. Puh-puh-puh-please don't do this to me.
Layla - Ohmygod! These are the cutest things I've ever seen.
Sonny - Yeah, I have them in yellow also. I wear them when I work out and stuff.
Layla - Is he picking your nose?
Sonny - Yeah, well he was picking his own all day so I figured he could borrow mine.
Corrine - Ohmygod!! Gross!! Did I just witness the first kiss??
Sonny - Yeah Corrine, you did.
Corrine - Ohhh, Layla, you didn't actually enjoy that, did you?
Layla - I don't know, I'm going inside.
Corrine - Wash your mouth out, he's dirty, and he's poor.
Julian - Electricity
Sonny - Yeah
Julian - Constitution
Sonny - Yeah
Julian - Philadelphia
Delivery guy - Fish
Sonny - Yeah
Delivery guy - Pony
Sonny - Yes
Delivery guy - Hip, hiphop, hiphopanonomous, Dammit, you gave him the easy ones!!
Julian - I don't wanna go...Please don't make me go...I won't play the kangaroo song anymore..I promise, I don't even like that song anymore...But I wipe my own ass..I wipe my own ass.
Sonny - A kid showed up on my doorstep, you think I planned that? But I fell in love with him, so now my plans have changed.
Sonny - I love you.
Sonny's dad - What?
Sonny - You don't have to be scared, it's alright.
Sonny's dad - What are you talking about? I'm not scared.
Sonny - If I get custody of Julian I'll be his father forever and that scares you because you think there's a good chance that I might fail.
Sonny's dad - Sonny, it's more than a chance, it's a certainty.
Sonny - No Dad. You can be scared that I might get pick-pocketed in a bad neighbourhood, or I might break my legs skiing. But don't be scared about me being a dad coz I will not fail at that, I can't. I love him too much. I love him as much as you love me Dad. And I am going to give him advice and guide him and I'm gonna be there for him whenever he needs me. I'll fly to New York to be at his court case even if I disagree with why he's there in the first place.
Sonny's dad - But Sonny, you work in a toll booth.
Sonny - Don't be scared about me making money Dad, I'm in love with a beautiful woman who makes plenty of it. She'll be my...sugar mamma. *winks at Layla*
Homeless guy - I gotta get me one of those.
Sonny - I know this is the right thing to do Dad, because I would die for this kid just so he wouldn't have to feel one ounce of sadness. That's why you're here, to protect me, to be scared for me, to be a good father. That's exactly what I'm gonna be.
Sonny - But I tell you what I can do, I can be your friend, no matter what alright I'll always be your friend, I'll always be your family, I'll always be around, I promise.
Everyone - SURPRISE!!!
Sonny - Did you just waste a good surprise on me again?!