My Top Seven Pet Peeves

As I am once again trying to quit smoking, I am finding myself in an almost constant state of peevedness! As the saying goes, “Hell IS other people.”

1. People who mix up “Your” and “You’re.” “Your so swell, your invited to my party, please bring you’re spouse.” C’mon, didn’t we learn this one in the fourth grade? And while we’re on the topic: “it’s” and “its,” and for God’s sake, keep your “too-to-two’s” straight!

2. People who don’t use their turn signals. Folks, it’s right there—you use less than half a calorie flipping it on. Also, running red lights. I love photo red light--I think it’s about the best thing invented. What part of “yellow” means “speed up” to these people. And finally--this is an Oregon thing—slower traffic keep right! “Slower” means slower than me. If there are 50 cars behind you, get over. The speed limit from Portland to Salem, Oregon, is 65. It is not OK for you cruise down I-5 in the left lane going 55.

3. Leaving a wet sponge in the bottom of the sink. It’s just going to start to stink. Do you know why it stinks? It’s growing a bacteria colony. Someone will have to pick up that bacteria colony at some point, and they will probably wipe the bacteria all over the kitchen counter. Also, now that I live alone I don’t have to deal with this one any more, but how many times have you had a roommate who said, “I put the dishes in to soak so you can wash them”? Filling the sink with water takes no effort. Also, it doesn’t do much good, and that now means I’m going to have to reach my hand into cold, dirty water to pull the plug and fill the sink with clean water when I’m ready to wash the dishes. If you can put them in to soak, you can wash the dishes.

4. Leaving the shower curtain open after showering. If you don’t pull it all the way closed, it won’t ever completely dry, and will instead begin to grow mildew, and yes, bacteria. Also, if you have guests, they don’t need to see the inside of your shower.

5. A certain “friend” from college forwards me every e-mail that comes into her e-mail box. Every one. I ran into her at a wedding last fall, and we had a great chat. “Oh, we have to stay in touch,” she said, “give me your e-mail address.” You have my e-mail address. I receive 5 to 6 e-mails from you every day. You’ve indiscriminately forwarded on every chain e-mail, every bad joke, and every Internet hoax. I am simply on the “Send to all” click.

6. People who LOUDLY carry on monologues with their infants in stores, restaurants, and other public places. “Oh, Justin, you are such a precious baby, what should we make daddy for dinner tonight, Justin? Do you think Daddy will manage to make it home on time tonight, Justin?” Also, I don’t get so bugged by people on their cell phones in public, but do they have to set it to those cute little tunes that play on and on and on?

7. Stores that put up Christmas displays before Halloween and people who leave their Christmas decorations up after Memorial Day.

A Bonus Pet Peeve

By far, the most annoying thing of all: Jamie Lee Curtis. I don't know, it's just those Voice Stream commercials. Her television commercials irritate me more every time I see one, but the radio commercials are even worse. I have been carefully avoiding her ever since quitting smoking, but I unexpectedly heard one of her ads on the way home. It took all my will power, I'm telling you. It's gotten to the point where I have a Pavlovic response every time I hear her voice.