Ziggy StarFuck’d
Let me in”- Duran Duran
CYBERPUNK
HAD RUINED MY LIFE…so I felt there was no need to hang on sloopy …as much as I had
convinced the coffeehousewebheads @ Alt X how my literary debut would be the
rightful birthrite of a rocknroll nigga I somehow could never write the friggin
novel..I kept trying to top the opening credits of Neuromancer’s television
skies but I couldn’t fit the VHS into my Betamax..No amount of boozing @ Lucky
Strikes or any other Soho haunt that seemed perfect for a delusional Goo Goo
Muck could loosen the noose…Girls seemed to sense Yes the heavens ha bequeathed
me the Look but something had gone wrong in the lab…and they hurriedly excused
themselves to do whatever girls do when they do that thing they do..and it
didn’t help any when this long lost friend of mine…I’m really too free with
that word…when Nemo 19 this talent troublemaker who used to squat at
Vassar…sent me the galleys of his manuscript ZOINKS!..he called it..a frantic
advert of what happens when too much Kerouac and customleather collide with the
wonderful world of work..in short a tragically hip multimedia suicide note
neatly packaged as the cutting edge of fiction…Nemo had enclosed a Sterling
lord scrawl how The Spineless Moneymakers had bought it hook line and sucker
and now he and his fellow Cal Arts videoho Jim Sperber were in Morrocco
Shooting
the video footage for the Cdrom with cash simply oozing out of their Armani
No
B.A., No M.F.A. no nothing this cat and he was right where I was supposed to be
at..
Had
taken residence in my batcave running off with Tiffany after eating the
breakfast I had made
So
after one slowly exaggerated trip to Coney Island gazing at the Wonderwheel I
knew
I’d
never ride..I realized the only possible way to stike back at the Evil Empire
occupying my mind was to lose myself in The Eternal Jedi night…Kisskiss the
void after a long struggle with a bottle of vodka..But what weapon would I
use…fork, spoon, ruler, light saber, incense, stick…anything but a gun…Kurt’s
final encore had squelched that notion
Hang
myself with a belt in a lonely hotel room..No Michael Hutchinson had voyaged to
the bottom of that sea…and here me without Inxs…No it would have to be
something truly original otherwise…
HEADLINE;
LITERARY LOSER COPYCATS COBAIN
AaaaaaaaaaH
no and then it hit me like a squirt of Dawn gets the grease right out of your
way…AFRIKA!..The Girl Voted Most Likely To Cause You To Consider Self
Destruction..I met her at some party..isn’t it always some party…why can’t it
be.. suddenly materializing in my room…Dreadedheaded bohemian boho right out of
Dr. Snakeskin’s worse Negrophobia nightmare…She was all silent
gestures..Natalie Cole smiles draped in an angel heart that night…that’s what
lured me in…that’s what trapped me in her corner of the room…waiting just
waiting for some kind of enlightment I hadn’t heard repeated a thousand times
from the mouths of squeaky clean What’s Your Major This Week..and then finally
after taking a long swill from my bottle of Maddog…Banana Red…Afrika spun the
wheel of fortune..
“You’re
a misfit aren’t you?”
“What?”
“A
misfit. You’re a misfit.”
“If
you say so. I suppose.”..She poked a finger into my chest and grabbed the
Maddog again..glug glug glug
“M.I.S.F.I.T.
Misfit”
“Got
ya the first time. Please comply with the programming or I’ll be forced to
report you to the FCC”
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOoh”
“Is
this conversation gonna go somewhere? Or should I go somewhere else?”
Suddenly
Afrika stood back, sat on the arm of the couch and crossed her arms “ Do
You
have anywhere to go. It doesn’t seem that way…uh what’s your name?”
“Real
name or Just Imagined”
She
yawned.
“The
name is Todd Ivey. Ya know too much
Disney Imagineering whimsy. Low
on
the dough..Taaadaah”
“I
see. So when are you going to Hollywood?”
“Hollywood.
What makes you say that?’
Its
obvious. You’re just naturally clueless”
“Do
you see an unlimited line of credit, uhm what’s your name?”
“You
know what it is. Don’t pretend you don’t”
This
girl was insane. “I’ve never seen you before in my life. I don’t know your
name.”
“yes
you do. I’ll show you”
Afrika
reached into her packback, pulled out a wad of computer printout and shoved it
in my face “ See here Page One of
Ephiany Splat”..Afrika. It’s a manuscript you wrote.
“Look
you’ve got the wrong guy. I don’t even have a first line.”
“It’s
a manuscript you’ll write in the future”
“Uh
can you help me out here. I’m kinda lost in space.”
“Not
yet but you will be”
“So
what are you trying to do?”
“I’m
the key to unlock the door Todd. I’m what you’ve been looking for.
“Afrika
I picture myself as a lowereastside Lautermount dying an early death. And
science fiction’s no part of the equation. It doesn’t do well at The New
Yorker.”
“My
aren’t we the ambitious sort”
“Right
so I’m not your 12th Monkey”
She
laughed “ William Gibson was the same way when I said he’d coin the term
cyberspace’..Afrika He said I don’t even have a computer.
“Wow
ya know I don’t need this ride to the twilight zone. I don’t wanna go to the
outer limits. Can we just ya know dance?”
“Why
didn’t you just say so?”
“Because
I forgot my line?”
She
socked me in the arm “ Now you’re catching on.”
So
on into the otherpart of the loft. We withered to SmogBauhausBardoPondLenny
KravitzDeadCanDanceEnya…she had moves that were virtual happenzen..that echoed
sunflowers whining mantras near mansions of dark shadows. Asista soldier of
inner light ecstacy feeding the black lights overhead..Once she looked up from
her trance, saw me staring enraptured and without hesitation kissed me with a
centuries..okay let me stop I’m starting to sound like a really bad Harlequin
romance..we made out like bloody savages
Alrighty
then.she gave me her email address.thickblackhiss@valis.com,
before jetting off to who knows where in a cab…and I never bothered to stay in
touc..But now I figured since my last remaining moments on earth were destined
to be on the scifi channel I might as well ring her bell..My exquisite corpse
would eventually make it to the literary section right?
Wrong.
On Tuesday, 2 Jan 2000 17:27:02 John Brockman wrote:
Dear
Todd Ivey
This
agency is not interested in representing your project, which, by the way
we
never asked to see. Neither do we want to continue to receive your almost
daily
emails.
Further,
since perhaps coincidentally, one of your December emails referencing
Valerie
Solanos was received simulateneously with a voice-mail death threat,
we
notified the New York City Police Department who took the matter seriously
and
asked us to file a formal complaint.
Under
the circumstances, I must ask you to remove us immediately from email
list
and do not contact us again.
John
Brockman
Chairman
& CEO
Brockman,
Inc.
5
East 59th St.
New
York, NY 10022
Voice
mail deaththreat yeah like I would even waste my time on Generic Jewboy
ZZZZZZZZKKKKKKKKKRAK
sizzlesizzlecrunch…TRANSMISSION OVER-
RIDE.ZZZZzkkrak…Sizzlesizzlecrunch…TRANSMISSION
OVERRIDE.. Hey
Todd
you whining Boys Don’t Cry Piece Of Shit, it’s me Nemo…Seems you’ve
had
another encounter with the Digerati and it wasn’t too magic kingdom…last
days@thestranger.com, indeed…But don’t
give up I may be sitting pretty here in
Asilah
though trust me, I’ve had my fair share of b.s. vizz a look at this…bye
“Andy
Warhol’s Batgirl”
MP3 conversion…la la la la…Pause…Baby what do you think I should wear…MP3 enhancement…la la la la…Pause…And Jody jumps out and buries me in her caring arms
…Hold
me like you’ll never let go…Baby what do you think I should wear…And Fame is
you looking @ me, me looking @ you and you know me and I might know you but
probably not…and its all undescribable..at this point so why don’t we fade
to..a world of silence
And
I had been saving all my luck for a rainy Thanksgiving day…Bauhaus is now
totally non smoking…we will continue to sell cigarettes and provide
ashtrays…and it arrived in the form of 50 cents laid next to my
backpack…someone had placed it as I once again slept under The Paramount
Theater..Coffee’s $1.50…and after a coupla pints @ Jack’s Roadhouse…I had a dollar left…Spent my last bit of change
on cheap beer..Why not?.. Thanks to Jackie a tiny celebration of I’m glad I
believe in me after R.E.M.’s badboy Peter Buck sed he’s check out The Novel on
the web… But as I slowly…slowly redis-covered Money Is The Systematic Infection
And Love Just Don’t Pay The Bills..Call me a clueless spook.
Is
there another word for Rewind
REBECCA
PLUMB
My
plan it was sheer genius
Is
there another word for FastFoward
Midnight
Thunder Express is a band is a band is band
Date:
Mon, 19 Nov 2001 O9:06:02
Subject:
RE: “Good Boys Go To Heaven. Bad Boys Go Everywhere”- Bumper
sticker…And
The Lost Boys…
“We
always fuck this one up”- M.T.E.
DOUBLE
PABST FISTED HARVARD WINS THE GAME TO REMAIN UN
DEFEATED
FUTURE PROPHECIES MIDNIGHT THUNDER EXPRESS.. OR
93
MILLIONS DOLLARS IN ONE WEEKEND FOR HARRY POTTER. NO
WONDER
BARON VON SPELLING IS FILTHY FUCKING RICH. YOU
STUPID
STUPID FUCKS I AM NOT OPRAH!
“this
is going out to the streets’- Teen Cool
“Being
faster than a speeding bullet has deprived him of a love life”- Peter Aaron
( New Owner Of Elliot Bay Books where I’m
you got it BANNED!)
“I’ve
got to go home. I’ve been so alone you see’- New Order
Future
prophecies…HOLD ME BACK TORI, LORD’S SAYING THAT HP WPRD AGAIN!…FUTURE
PROpheCIES…Side A…Nightmare Walking…Great Beats baby
..Fallout
Records..Midnight Thunder express rocked and Teen Cool..Well…
ALAN
(leadsinger)
I’d
like to punch her (Tori) in the nose
Hmmmmm
very interesting..and get this they’re from Austin, Texas…HARVARD 35
YALE
23..WATCH PRESIDENT BUSH CRY IN HIS SHINER BOCK…HA HA HA
EAT
IT!..SUCK ON THOSE SKULL & BONES BUDDY MAYBE IT WILL GET THAT MOJO GOIN FOR
NEXT YEAR…HEEE HEE HEEE…HA HA ..OH I HURT MYSELF..HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE…MTE is
good..maybe I’ll ask Holmstrom about
doing
something on them for Punk#1
ME
But we have personality conflicts
JIMMY
FLAME
Those
are good
ME
He
called Tori a lesbian. If he doesn’t like
this
idea we’ll just head to New York and
kick
his door down.
JF
And
bring lots of beer.
BEEEEEEeeeeeer..Matter
of slack I scored quite a few yesterday
thanks
jimmy…though of course when I went to focus landmark
theaters..NARK
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIDDY….
And
Stu the bassist or is that guitarist..his brother is christrashcan@tablet
newspaper.com…
ME
I
send him email all the time
STU
That’s
my lil brother
Tacoma
show on Saturday in the vvvvvvvvvvan…”
And
Fame is you looking at me and me looking at you and you thinking you know
everything there is to know about me but I’m so sorry…YOU DON’T…and not every
Cure song is the proper uniform commercial code…Love it..you might really love
it…
Hot
chocolate ..Just say yes…Dawn often smiled “You’re the very heart of it”…
Prisoner Of Love..shake rattle and hold me like there’s no tomorrow…She used to
cut heads @ Rudy’s barbershop…she used to shave mine for free..And Dawn always
had a kind word
Is
there another word for Rewind
BUFFY
THE WORD SLAYER
Nemo
you’re such an asshole. You’re like all those
Other
rocknroll dudes. You’re gonna get your novel
Published
and I won’t
Is
there another word for FastForward
And
Dawn always hadda hug and then one day…Spring perhaps..She and her daughter
Panodra were Londonway…hey..Married to William Reid of The Jesus & Mary
Chain They’re living in L.A now..last thing I heard.
And
I’m feeling pretty vacant…might as well there’s nothing else on the agenda
today..
Wake
up..and feel bad all over again..wake up..Clouds clouding my Love Attacks..
wake up ..go back to synthesized sleep…and all Tim Keck ever wants to know is
when I’m leaving town…SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR…BEAR MARKET SHOWS SIGN ITS
ENDING ..Super Super Champagne supernovas in the sky…Yeah sure he let me use
his cellphone to call U.S. News & World Report about a job…whatever…when am
I leaving town..Tim maybe when you payback The Famous Monster with the address
of Tori’s three bedroom apartment in Westwood, THOUGH OF COURSE WE’VE BEEN
VIRTUALLY ENGAGED OR WAS THAT MARRIED FOR OVER A YEAR NOW you’ll be the first
to know…Melodies all mixed up..Sunshine where were you when we were getting
high…Well according to People..” As T.V’s most famous virgin, Donna
Martin..”AAAAAAAh skip it…”Cuz you’re lonely in your nightmare let me in”
DARK
ATARI
So
you wanted to kill your mother
Yup..KILL HER DEAD ..DEAD DEAD DEAD..DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD..I loved her but I could stand the way she behaved at times…and I couldn’t marry her and sometimes she had the habit of being unfaithful..making all the guys laugh like the mechanic who worked at The Shell Station in Norwalk..like I didn’t matter. Like I wasn’t her number one fan…Holding back the pain doesn’t diminish the rain.. it pours itself into prisms of crime and punishment..Din’t wanna be no rocknroll jesus..don’t wanna be no spurs rips sonics..sometimes..I just don’t wanna be…Cuz I’m lonely in my nightmare…Here I’ll drag you in..
batttttttttsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
So
I’ve decided to take my work back
Underground
to stop it from falling into
the
wrong hands
He hears a noise goes to the window. Looks out and Sees the moon. Ducks down. raises the pistol. Fires ..The word BANG! Zips thru the window into the night…splatterpunks into the moon forming The Bat Logo Which displays Edward Scissorhands Making Snow From Blocks Of Ice
VOICEOVER
Over
a century ago, Sigmund Freud, then an unknown young
Viennese
physician conducted self experiments on the effects
of
cocaine and reported that under its influence “one feels more
vigorous
and more capable of..
BATMAN
filmsample
Got
to go to work.
Pull
back .Revealing The Batcave…bat phone bat computer bat stereo batbuttplug
Ya
know All that bat shit …………….picture of Mom…
VOICEOVER
Despite
cocaine’s reputation as a “party drug” and a sex
enhancer,many
of our respondents also found it a useful
for
work purposes
Camera
looms in for the kill over The Batmobile thunderous 70’S muscle car,..Loud
moaning…Cue Music “the Prodigy “I got The Poision”
VOICEOVER
As
a central nervous system stimulant cocaine often makes
repetitive
or ardous tasks, late shifts, or long work hours more
bearable,
indeed pleasureable..-Cocaine Changes: the Experience
Of
Using And Quitting (temple University Press)
Cry
of finally got some satisfaction…A beautiful naked redhead rises up in the
back-seat…This is BARBARA GORDON aka BATGIRL
FASTER
PUSSY KILL KILL FILM SAMPLE
I
don’t try anything. I just do – Satana
BARBARA
Holy
shit where the fuck did you get ahold
of this
NIKE
HANSON A musclar black man also naked
arises
from the redtinted sexual fog….
NIKE
right
Barbara reveal my connection and the
Next
time I see you might be at my funeral.
BARBARA
(softly
kissing him)
The
hazards of loving The Ultimate career girl
The
lovers resume the sweeeet luxurious flesh fest..yes yes the flesh…colored
cotton candy striped on a lonely highway of Industrial Electroflow..flow flow
flow let It all go to hell…
THE
OMEN sample
Damien
riding his bicycle round and round
Sudden
screech of alarm
NIKE
(jumping
out of the backseat)
What
the fuck
BARBARA
Just
one of Bruce toys going off.Nike. It’s nothing.
NIKE
If
it was off it wouldn’t be makin that
sound
BARBARA
Oh
you’ re too much Mr. Martin Lawrence…will you
Come
back here And do your fucking job. I own your
ass
til the end of time.
NIKE
(getting
angry)
Yessum
Ms Ann and do you wants me to chop some
fire
wood
For ya too .
BARBARA
Stop.
NIKE
Its
just that my axe is getting rusty in the field
BARBARA
Stop
NIKE
And
if Mussah come back and finds me humpin
Your
sweet
BARBARA
(screaming
)
Stop!
GOODTIMES vid sample
“Dynomite!”- JJ
EXTERIOR-
London bakeshop
An
Oliver Twist likeboy hungrily gazing at the digital goods lined window..A
blonde countergirl comes outside.
COUNTERGIRL
Need
any help?
BOY
How
much for the workstation mini mints
COUNTERGIRL
Have
any money?
Boy
shakes his head no.
COUNTERGIRL
(Smiling)
Well
then how about your soul?
Boy
grins and follows her in…the building morphs into a titanic Catdemon rocketship
that licks itself clean….
KORN
“London
is falling down falling down
London
Bridge is falling down my fair Lady”
Then
soars off into the night sky..
INTERIOR-
DREAMWORKS Studio L.A.
DAVID
GEFFEN
(pissed
reading script of Andy Warhol’s Batgirl
)
No
he didn’t just do that.
SECRETARY
Do
what?
EXTERIOR-
London
The
building morphs into a titanic Catdeemon rocketship that licks itself
Clean
then soars off into the night sky
INTERIOR-
Batcave
Barbara
leaves the Batmobile clutching a pack of Sherman’s and slams the door shut
..her feet slowly pattering on the slick black linoleum…she stops for a minute
and lights her self a Smoke..
INTERIOR-
Living Room Wylds of Suburbia Anywhere USA
JUNE
CLEAVER
Ward
did you see this?
WARD
CLEAVER
No
dear what?
JUNE
CLEAVER
“
well according to the U.S.A Today “Donna (Tori Spelling)
David
(Brian Austin Green) marry on Fox’s Beverly Hills 90210
(May17,
8pm Et/PT) and the whole gang attends- including
past
cast members Jason priestly, Gabrielle Cateris and Tiffani
Run
is Shannen Doherty who played Brenda, sister of Brandon,
for
the first four seasons.” Hmm I wonderWhat happened to her?
WARD
CLEAVER
You
know those Hollywood types. She’s probably on the verge of
something
bigger and better.
THE
BEAVER
I
heard she’s a witch and likes to put spells on people.
JUNE
CLEAVER
Beaver
WALLY
CLEAVER
Its
true mom all the kids in school are talking about it
Like
she made a pact with the Devil After
Aaron Spelling
kicked
her off the show.
WARD
I’d
make one with him too if it got you
Boys
to do your chores.
JUNE
Okay
everybody time to go to bed
BEAVER
Oh
Mom!
Subject:
From Hell: The Stranger Folk Hero Very Carey Segura ‘I Hope You See Tori’
Prayer
Date:
Thu, 18 October 2001 05:30:23
Hey
Man
I
bought this Samsung Digital Voice Pen in West Hollywood the other day… I
captured what will be a new song “Spy
I’m
a moving violation
Scourge
upon the nation
Trying
to pretend
That
there is no end
I’m
a moving conversation
Permanent
vacation
Trying
to believe what you
Mean
to me
I’m
a sudden desolation
Lost
generation
Trying
to understand
The
Master plan
Whatever…I
was propelled to use the phone and call Carey @ The Firm after my afternoon
companion Christina from Hamburg Germany..kept pounding @ my reality
“Why
don’t you give it up. You’re never gonna meet her’..I was like AAAAAAah
Carey
I can’t have a normal conversation with anyone anymore.
CAREY
Nemo
when have you had a conversation with anyone.
So
no despite the fact “Fanboy” made Rob Zombie the corporate whore that he is.
The
management team of Linkin Park, Monster Maget, Powerman 5000, Limp Bizkit &
Korn doesn’t have time for JIHAD
CAREY
We’re
not siging any new bands.
What
do you want Nemo?
NEMO
I
need a friend. Babble babble babble
Go
ahead take 15% babble babble babble
CAREY
Will
you listen to yourself
Sorry
Chuck I have to redirect. Take care of yourself . try to see the Hughes Bros
New
film “From Hell” with Jonny Depp…Darius James was on the set in Prague
For
Vibe summer of 2000
Yeah
Sunshine I sounded like anything but a hero yesterday I mean its suddenly
dawned
on me how…well maybe NO ONE is gonna help me see you…And I don’t
need this eerie ethereal new age dance mix
playing now…It only adds to the
Heartbreak
Hotel…I’m sorry Sunshine, I really thought my love for you was gonna
Change
the world…that’s how much I..but you and I everyone else are only human
Remember
Flea saying on VH1 “ We all fall short before the glory of God” and
Its
true. So I’m taking this time out to write a prayer to The Creator..
“thank
you God for the life you’ve given me. May your infinite
wisdom
guide my steps today and one day take me to the arms
Of
Victoria. Amen”
Shooting
for a ChateauMarmot bungalow and all I got was a matchbook…Barely
…How
do you sing a kiss..
INTERIOR
SHOT –The Factory- NYC
ANDY
WARHOL
(on
the phone)
hmmmmm…he’s
doing what with my name..uhm..uhhuh
yeah.well
I don’t know does Jean Micheal like it…hmmm
he
does…well fabulous. I guess it’s a cool then.okay
INTERIOR
SHOT- Batcave
NIKE
sitting on lounge chair wrapped in a BatCape..BARBARA Strides up and turns off
the gawdamn alarm.
NIKE
What
is it?
BARBARA
The
Scarecrow escaped Arkham Aslyum. I think he’s headed Here.
NIKE
Uh
ya wanna get the Big Bat Guy on the phone
BARBARA
gives him a look of disgust.
NIKE
Well
at least Robin
BARBARA
Its
Nightcrawler now. And I haven’t talked to him in weeks.
And
Bruce is at some World Trade Organization meeting in
Switzerland.
Scarecrow ‘s trying to psych us out.
Besides
He’s
the least of my problems right now.
INTERIOR-
Gotham City Police Station
Inside
Police Evidence BARBARA is examining
weighty gray bags
She
takes one and slips it into her bag
just as she’s interrupted
By
COMMISIONER
JAMES GORDON
you ready to go to lunch now. I’ll only have
About
hour or so. Its chaos in here today.
BARBARA
Tell
me about it.I managed to get us a table at Romeo’s.
Its
my treat.
COMMISSIONER
GORDON
Youre
spoiling me as usual.
BARBARA
Dad
you know there’s not much else on my agenda.
EXTERIOR
SHOT- Gotham City night
BATGIRL
squealing on her batcycle right in front of
two would be muggers.
MUGGER1
Well
if it ain’t lil Batbitch
MUGGER
2
With
her implanted tits.
BATGIRL
You
know I don’t have time for this shit
Squeals
off on her batcycle
MUGGER
1
(hitting
his partner)
hey
what’s up with you.dumbass we just
missed
out on the beating of our lifes.
Watcha
fucking mouth next time
MUGGER
2
Don’t
pick on me you. called her a bitch.
MUGGER
1
(looking
at electronic book “How To Scew With Superheroes”)
Man
what is this crap outdated.I want my money
Back.
MUGGER
2
You
stole it.
MUGGER1
(whacking
him with device)
shuddup!
INTERIOR-
The Batcave
BARBARA
(looking
at open grey bag )
Is
that it?
NIKE
I
think we have enough for a few more lines.
BARBARA
Proceed
good sir I’ve got to go soon.
I’m
a creature of the night.
NIKE
(preparing
white lines)
Uh
I know this is gonna sound crazy comin from me.And
I
‘m not at all digging this role of concerned painterlover
Sorta
boyFriend what’s his name has got me doin but
Aren’t
you kinda scared of getting caught.
BARBARA
Are
you?
NIKE
snorts serious fuckin line
NIKE
(laughing
he hands the rolled bill to her)
I
guess not.
BARBARA
does the same
EXTERIOR-
Gotham City Night WICKED night club
The
sign that spells Wicked is a slithering heap of snakes...Limo pulls up..Out
falls BARBARA NIKE and few friends, AMERICA…The doorMan, MADISON opens up the
rope.
MADISON
(speaking
to Barbara)
Hey
Doll aren’t we glamourous tonight
BARBARA
Madison
I learned all my
MADISON
(interrupting)
Oh
hush that’s what all the girls say.
AMERICA
Truer
words were never spoken .
MADISON
You
people are too much. And
ALL
OF THEM
(laughingly
shouting)
Too
much is never enough
INTERIOR-
The Factory NYC
PAUL
When
did she start this new kinda kick.
ANDY
WARHOL
(lounging
on couch being filmed by NAME)
uhmm
wow I don’t know…Edie mentioned it
while
ago but I wasn’t really paying attention.
And
ya know that thing with Valerie kinda.
PAUL
Hush
you needn’t say anymore.
INTERIOR-
GREAT GLASS ELEVATOR
CHARLIE
Mr.
Wonka when is this supposed to stop?
WILLIE
WONKA
To
be honest Charlie I really don’t know
CHARLIE
It
is your Great Glass Elevator isn’ it?
WILLIE
WONKA
You
do have a point. But I was so busy with
Developing
The Everlasting Gobstopper I
Sorta
didn’t even ask what the Oompa loopas
Were
doing with this. You could say I kinda
Fucked
up.
CHARLIE
Oh
EXTERIOR-
The Experience Music Project , Seattle
TORI
(screaming)
OOMPA
LOOMPAS YOU HAD ME COME ALL
THE
WAY HERE FOR OOMPA LOOMPAS
NEMO
(out of camera range)
I
figured
TORI
You
figured wrong! Go back to the gawddamn club scene
I
wanna
INTERIOR-The
Wicked night club Gotham City
BARBARA
and NICK dancing to some stoopid Moby dance track while watching exotic
dancers..it’s a funk freaky yah! Yah! Yah! Yah!…Moveme move me move me move me.
NIKE
(into
her ear)
And
you’re thinking?
BARBARA
(pointing
to exotic dancer withering on stage)
How
we’re gonna get that one into bed.
NIKE
I
knew there was a reason why I liked you.
BARBARA
What
happened to the love ?
NIKE
It
went up my nose.
BARBARA
tongues himsomething fierce.
EXTERIOR-
Catdeemon rocketship soaring thru sky
INTERIOR-Rocketship
COUNTERGIRL
filing her nails while Lil Boy muches on sweets
BOY
These
chocolate harddrives are the best. Where do you
Get
them.
COUNTERGIRL
Why
here in the uh bakeshop.We have our own thing
Ajig
in the back would you like to see it
BOY
Yes
maam
COUNTERGIRL
You
have to promise not to tell anybody
Not
even your bestest bestest bestestfriend
BOY
I
don’t even have one of those.
COUNTERGIRL
Not
to worry you’ll have plenty of those soon.
BOY
I
only need one. Why can’t it be you.
COUNTERGIRL
What’s
the magic word?
BOY
Please.
COUNTERGIRL
(smiling)
You
do have a lot to learn don’t you.
ROB ZOMBIE vid
Yeah
yeah I’m the one that you wanted
I’m
the superbeast.
“Subject:
Sunshine, Jean Michael Basquiat Downtown 81 16 Reasons Why I Love You”
Babydoll
Oh
so Beauty and The Bleach…Muholland Dr. of the Mind…The Breeders sold out
..Downtown
81…One week only…October 19-25…Laemmle’s Sunset in West Hollywood…”Basquait is
a joy to watch”-Artforum…”An extraordinary real life snap shot of Hip arty
clubland Manhattan in the post punk era”-Variety…BOYS THAT LOVE GIRLS THAT LOVE
BOYS..ITS ALL A BLUR…David’s dark dreamscape..I made love with you this
mourning..and the girl on girl sex…Blue Velvet.. I was squirming
..why
didn’t anyone from The L.A. Weekly, Seattle Weekly, Or The Stranger for that
matter tell me…I made love with you this mourning..”Without action nothing can
happen”..W.W.W. Wsex.com…All twisted inside and out…Smoking doesn’t seem to
help…Woman in the theater lobby of Laemmle’s Monica sed “So you just saw
Mulholland Drive”..Yeah kinda eerie Indiana jones since I’m INSERT WEIRD
SCIENCE…Cruel laugh..”No wonder you have problems”..The remark hurt
‘ITS
NOT A PROBLEM. TORI’S PRETTY TORI’S FUN GONNA HAVE A BABY
CUZ
SHE’S THE ONLY ONE.” You know Charlie Koones the publisher of Variety
Gets
my email and I was just by Los Angeles magazine to give RJ Smith something
And
then “Good Luck I hope that works out for you” but of course. BITCH! I walk
away..its not enough…” You know Maam that remark wouldn’t hurt so much if I
hadn’t tried to commit suicide over the whole thing last September.
Punkmagazine.com”..
BITCH!…”Oh
I didn’t know I’ve been involved with the festival”…yeah excuses excuses
excuses.
16
Reasons Why I Love You
1)
because
I do
2)
because
I do
3)
because
I do
4)
because
I do
5)
because
I do
6)
because
I do
7)
because
I do
8)
because
I do
9)
because
I do
10)
because
I do
11)
because
I do
12)
because
I do
13)
because
I do
14)
because
I do
15)
because
I do
16)
because
I do
INTERIOR-
The Wicked nightclub- Gotham City Night
BARBARA walking from the bar with several drinks
VOICEOVER
“We
asked each respondent some two dozen questions
about
the specific effects of cocaine on their physical
health,
ranging from mere nervousness to convulsions
and
seizures.
All
of a sudden her body has a tremendous shock and she
Falls
to the floor
VOICEOVER
We
also asked about four types of mental health problems
Commonly
reported in literature: frequent insomnia, paranoia
Hallucinations
and “cocaine bugs”
BARBARA
opens her eyes and sees squirmy wormy bloddety..Blooooodetty blooodetty
bloddetty flying iding winding…30 foot eerie teeeeeeeeary billion eyed
behemoths.One clutches her in its teeth blasts thru the club roof and
lightspeeds thru a black hole…the black hole is lined With sizzling karma
chameleon threedeevoodoochants whipping by. Medusa heads, leisuresuited Cyclops
Bushy wigs feeding upon each other, alien teens flamebroiling bodyparts..1,
thousands of thunderous cars slamming into mountain sides, explosions…On
exiting it…three suns..BABARA struggling in its claws. Finally Stops and calmly
watches as they zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzoar into the Con- verging
suns…Explosion!
INTERIOR
– Dreamworks Studio, L.A.
DAVID
GEFFEN
(throwing
the script on the floor)
Why
didn’t Judy show me this version
Before
I greenlighted the picture.
SECRETARY
What’s
the problem?
DAVID
GEFFEN
Boy
wonder just blew the budget with one
gawdamn scene Get him on the phone..
SECRETARY
Its
3am in Hong Kong David
DAVID
GEFFEN
I
don’t care if its happily ever after in Never Neverland
Get
a hold of that asshole. I’m shutting the shit down
Now!
INTERIOR-
The Wicked Nightclub- Gotham City
NIKE
leaning down helping BARBARA from the
floor.
NIKE
Babe
what’s up?
BARBARA
(clutching
her head)
I
just. I just tripped. Where’s my cellphone?
NIKE
Phone
what the hell’s a phone.
BARBARA
My
cell.
AMERICA
Barbara
are you alright.
BARBARA
Yeah.
NIKE
No
she’s not America she’s asking for a phone.
AMERICA
A Phone
oh Barbara not that again you’ve got
To
forget all that. You’re here now with us.
Here
take one of these. You’ll feel…
THE
MATRIX vid
“Right
as rain”- The Oracle..
INTERIOR
– Bat Cave Gotham City
COMPUTER
MONITOR
(readplease2000)
Automatic
Office Reply – Kirtsen Swanson I am
on
vacation May 1-6 Beginning May 7, I will be
working
out of the Variety Offices in Cannes Frances
Your
email will be forwarded there.
EXTERIOR-
Coney Island NYC
SID
VICIOUS
(smashing
funhouse guitars)
TORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRI!
INTERIOR-
People’s Revolution P.R. LA
KELLEY
CUTRONE
And
Johnathan let me remind you from your own
Website
The Dark Knight Damsel “batgirl will not
Be
included in the new animated series line of action
Figures
according to Hasbro.
INTERIOR-
Bat Cave
COMPUTER
MONITOR
The
phone number for the Variety offices is Cannes
Is
011-33-4-9399-8731. the fax 011-33-4-9399 8726
If
you need assistance from the the LA Office please
Call
EXTERIOR-
Coney Island
SID
VICIOUS
(smashing
funhouse mirrors with guitar)
TORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRI!
KELLY
CUTRONE
Not
only has she been ignored but she was dropped
from
the product line’s Logo in favor of Nightwing.
INTERIOR
– Batcave
COMPUTER
MONITOR
The
news desk at 323 965 4476 I will be back in
The
Los Angeles office on Wednesday May 24
EXTERIOR-
Coney Island
SID
VICIOUS
(smashing mirrors with
guitar)
TORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRI!
KELLY
CUTRONE
This despite the fact she appears in every
episode and
Nightwing
only appears In And Nightwing only
appears
a
handfulOf times.” That was in 98 so where do we stand now?
INTERIOR
OF a interior
JONATHAN
Call
me tomorrow. I’ll have a meeting with everybody
Just
call me tomorrow.
INTERIOR-
Batcave
COMPUTER
MONITOR
Thank
you.
INTERIOR
– People’s Revolution P.R.
KELLEY
CUTRONE
Yes
you do that if you ever want to eat
Lunch
in this town again.Because needless to say
Barbara
is…
INTERIOR
– NICK’S Studio- Gotham City
Canvases
are spreadeagled on the walls…this is how we burn this Is how we burn…
paints,
magazines. Comicbooks, pizza boxes Are strewn on the floor…inside the black
velvety seethru canopyOf the bed bodies bodies bodies..loving…America is
kissing barbara’S thighs moving slowly to her pussy..Nick penetrating America
from behind
Kissssssssssssssssing
hisssssssssssssssssssssing tra la la this how we burn This how we learn end of
days…
ANDY
Sinsational
LIMP
BISKITS
Life
keeps on ticking in to the future
ANDY
Paul
see if you can get shot of Nike’ s cock
I
mean it is a beautiful cock.
PAUL
Remember
this is Barbara’s video.
ANDY
Oh
that bitch has everything as it is. Give the
Nigger
a chance.
PAUL
Jean
Michael would explode if he heard you say that.
ANDY
Hear
what
PAUL
The
n-word
ANDY
He’s
the one that started me using it.
LIMP
BIZKIT
Life
just keeps tickin into the future.
More
shots of three making freewill savage love boom boom go go go!
EMERSON
The
only sin is limitation
LIMP
BISKIT
Life
just keeps tickin into the future
More
freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedback love More
freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee feeeeeeback love
EMERSON
The
only sin is limitation
INTERIOR-
Dreamworks Office
SECRETARY
They’re
not at the hotel. Matter of fact
They
never checked in.
DAVID
GEFFEN
Get
me Warhol
INTERIOR
– The Factory-
Phone
rings.brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring
ANDY
(picking
up the phone)
yesssss..uhuhn
well David Nemo’s not here
right
now.Uh-uhm. I don’t know where he and
Tori
are.I’ll ask around
EXTERIOR-
Notre Dame Paris
NEMO
(looking
off camera)
He’s gonna do what. Yeah right . No we’re
definitely not here.
TORI
(smiling)
This
is getting good
EXTERIOR-
Egyptian Pyramids
INTERIOR-
A coffin opens …a slick beautiful woman in leather immerges
Clutching
a black cat….This is SELENA KYLE aka CATWOMAN
She
walks over to a pool of bubbling blood in the middle of the floor
SELENA
Oh
goddess Bast what is the statis report
The
blood swirls whirls and forms into BAST, Egyptian cat goddess,
BAST
Meowwrrr
oh its totally on. What’s cookin?
SELENA
Nothing
much .
She
snaps her fingers. And the walls reveal hundreds of cat mummie warriors
Marching
marching marching marching
BAST
(pointing
to hot plate)
Silly
girl I mean that.
SELENA
claps her hand and they fall onto the couch…Pulls back Bast’s gown
Ties
elastic around her arm…thumps her vein..takes needle and plunges into her arm
Closeup
shot of needle as heroin as creeping biting eeeepy creeeepy shooting down
tunnel of flesh…It separates into
EXTERIOR-
IllumiVoid
13
separate entities that are deposited outside The Gates of Heaven Shopping Mall These are THE HANGING
FILE….Inside they storm …slitting the throats of angels…..
EXTERIOR-
School parking lot. Tokoyo Japan
Little
girl skipping up to car..
LITTLE
GIRL
Mommy
Mommy you’ll never guess what I
learned
in school today.
MOTHER
What?
LITTLE
GIRL
God
is dead
INTERIOR-
The Castro Movie Theatre- San Francisco
GENE
SISKEL
I’m
leaving.
ROGER
EBERT
That
would be just like you
GENE
SISKEL
He
said he wanted to make a film for Tori
That
would be stunningly beautiful and
Captured
her true essence.This is ridiculous
ROGER
EBERT
Chickenshit.
EXTERIOR-
Wonderland Tea Party
MAD
HATTER
Alice
would you like more tea?
Alice
nods her head yes
MAD
HATTER claps his hands…Tweedledee and TweedledumCome forward wielding a
gigantic joint. Hold it up to her lips and light..She smokes…leans back
intochair…looks up at the sky and and See thousands of winged violins automatic piloting the sha
sha
Sha
sha sha shake…roses move from sides begin to undress Alice…the sound of geeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetars…She begins to dance in the grass…jumps on to
The table and slowly she begins to Levitate..up to the the huge toungue slide sprinkled with Daffodils and daisys and she
sssssssssssssssssssssssssssslides into
EXTERIOR-
Highway 101 L.A.
A
Boomin jeep with some fierce hardcore
nigga muthaphuckas.
TRENT
Snoop
dog can do no wrong turn this shit up man
MEDIA
Its
all the waay up nigger.
VENGEANCE
Aint
Alice got the power? what can she do about it?
ALICE
(looking
at mirror putting on lipstick)
geez
a girls job is never done
she
puts away lipstick and stands up in the seat
ALICE
Hmmm
I think it goes like this
Abracadabra
I
need another Chapter of
Pump
Up The Volume..
She
begins trrilllllllllllllllllllllllllling waving her hands..
The
mountainsides morph into speakers all the way dowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn
TRENT
You
got it
MEDIA
ho!
ALICE
Not
a problem.
VEGENANCE
Yeah
but Gulliani’s still running for the Senate
All
three whack him in the head.
INTERIOR-
Police Headquarters Gotham City
COMMISSIONER
GORDON
Give
me the latest
GOTHAM
CITY COP
Its
obvious
THE
PRODIGY
What
We’re dealing with here is a total lack of respect for
EXTERIOR-
Megacitysix- The Dome
JUDGE
DREDD
(astride
motorcycle)
I
am the law.
INTERIOR-
Barbara’ s apartment
She’s
clad in a bathrobe pouring herself a glass of orange
Juice.
Sits down on couch flips on the tv.
TV
NEWSCASTER
“There
is a growing evidence that this business of
multitasking
is getting way out of hand. In fact why
not
be blunt multitasking is multiobnoxious.
BARBARA
dials cell
TVNEWSCASTER
If
there’s a theme to the new millennium its that
We
can do it all and manufacturers are busy coming
Up
with gadgets to help us do it all at once.
BARBARA
This
is Oracle. I’m not gonna be able to make it in
Today.
No No not tomorrow either.
TV
NEWSCASTER
Whether
it’s a computer in our car or a computer
In
our chair or a computer in our wristwatch the
Goal
is to make our lives easier. But many of us
Feel
more stressed every day.
BARBARA
No
I don’t think you understand me. I just quit.
INTERIOR-
John Hughes PeeweePlayHouse West Seattle- Kitchen
INSERT
GUY DAVIS VOICE MESSAGE
Maurice
is making juice. Kristina is on. The counter reading
a book..in walks Nemo
KRISTINA
So
how’s your writing going? That is what
You’re
doing right?
NEMO
Yeah
its kinda whoa with this And that’s a little bit
Too
much freedom.
KRISTINA
Concentrate
on breathing.
NEMO
So
you guys wanna make a cameo?
KRISTINA
Cameo?
NEMO
In
the movie
MAURICE
Movie?
NEMO
See
you just did.
INTERIOR- The Colesium Rome Tori’s Bedroom
TORI
(eating
an apple reading Giant version of script)
It’s
all a circle. It’s all a line..
EXTERIOR-
Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco
KID
1
Deep
Space Nine is getting canceled
After
next season.
KID2
Who
the fuck cares Star Trek is Over
KID
3
You
can’t cancel the final frontier.
KID
1
Uh-huh
KID3
Who
told ya ET?
KID
1
Maybe
POLTERGEIST
vid
“They’re
here”- Lil Girl
EXTERIOR-
Gotham City
BARBARA
in her car speeding down the highway
INTERIOR-
Catdeemon rocketship
BOY
(gazing
out the window)
Where
are we going?
COUNTERGIRL
Home
BOY
Are
we almost there yet
COUNTERGIRL
Almost
almost
BOY
Whats
your name anyway
COUNTERGIRL
I
thought I told you
Boy
shakes his head.
COUNTERGIRL
You
first
BOY
Ray
COUNTERGIRL
Ray,
I’m Isis
EXTERIOR-Gotham
City
BARBARA
speeding in her car.
INTERIOR-
Basement.Of the Brady Bunch Boys band
practicing…
GREG
Man
get your ass in gear I got algebra to study for.
PETER
Suck
eggs
BOBBY
Nice
one dorkweed
In
walks Cindy
GREG
Cindy
what are you doin in here.
BOBBY
You
know you’re not supposed to be down
here
when were doin shit.
CINDY
What
kinda shit is that.
PETER
Your
too young to know go back
To
playing with your Barbie.
BOBBY
Which
one is that The Crybaby Barbie.
CINDY turns to leave places Barbie on ground.
Claps her hands..rooms Begins to spin…
and
the Barbie enlarges to a six foot amazon. She shoves GREG aside grabs his
guitar and jams
CINDY
7
Year Bitch Barbie Dickhead
EXTERIOR-
Gotham City (Day)
BARBARA
speeding down highway
EXTERIOR-Great
Glass Elevator Outer Fucking Space
INTERIOR-Great
Glass Elevator
CHARLIE
Mr.
Wonka
WILLIE
WONKA
Yes
CHARLIE
Can’t
you just push a button and make it
EXTERIOR
–lax…
David
Geffen headed for his private jet with Dreamwork Goons
DAVID
GEFFEN
Stop.
He’s gotta be stopped.
INTERIOR-
The Factory- NYC
ANDY
(on
the phone)
David
its outta my hands.
INTERIOR-
Private Jet
DAVID
Don’t
give me that. Its your gawdamn fault.
INTERIOR-
The Factory
ANDY
You’ve
got to keep a sense a humor
About
all this.
INTERIOR-
Private Jet
DAVID
That
disappeared a shitload of money ago.
DREAMWORKS
GOON
Sir
we have a location.
INTERIOR-
John Hughes House West Seattle
ANSWERING
MACHINE
Thankyou
for calling Spelling Television.
Are
offices are now closed. Please call us
Back
during business hours Monday thru
Friday…9am-6pm.
Thank you You may
Start
your message now.
NEMO
Uh
Tori Besides Completely trashing all that
Batgirl
stood for and a few other bizarre things.
Guess
whose trying to stop us from making the
Movie.
Ever heard of David Geffen
ANSWERING
MACHINE
End
of Message. Message marked Urgent
Message
complete
INTERIOR-Private
jet
DREAMWORKS
GOON
Sir
We have a location.
EXTERIOR
–Gotham City
BARBARA
speeding down highway
INTERIOR-
John Hughes House West Seattle
NEMO
Uh
Tori besides completely trashing all that
Batgirl
stood for and a few other bizarre things
Guess
whose trying to stop us from making the
Movie.
Ever heard of David Geffen.
INTERIOR-
Private Jet
DREAMWORKS
GOON
Berlin
INTERIOR-
the Factory
ANDY
He’s
know where you two are
EXTERIOR-
Berlin
NEMO
(grabbing
Toro’s hand)
C.mon
we gotta keep moving.
TORI
(motioning
to her outfit)
like
this?
NEMO
You
could always change
EXTERIOR-
Gotham City
BARBARA
in car speeding down the highway
INTERIOR-
Nick’s studio…He’s laying on his canvases
NICK
(on
phone)
Barb
are you alright
EXTERIOR-
Gotham City
BARBARA
Yeah
I just gotta do a lil spring cleaning.
EXTERIOR
Garden Of Eden shopping mall
The
slaughtering continues.
INTERIOR
–Private jet
DAVID
Move
EXTERIOR-
Berlin
Tori
and Nemo running down the street
EXTERIOR-Gotham
City
BARBARA
Nick
you might wanna disconnect things are
About
to go
VID
SHOT OF Cartoon Bump In the Night
EXTERIOR
–Gotham City
Barbara’s
car crashes thru wooden wall surprising the occupants.
Which
are THE TEEN TITANS…
INTERIOR-
Peoples’ Revolution P.R.
KELLY
CUTRONE
Listen
up Johnathan No moreBatman Family Giant
all
new double length Story starring batgirl& robin
extra
a new man-bat thriller.
EXTERIOR-
Garden Of Eden shopping mall
The
slaughtering continues.
INTERIOR-
Peoples Revolution P.R.
KELLY
CUTRONE
No
more smoke grenades, fingerprint kit, cameras
INTERIOR-
teen titan headquarters
BARBARA
(heaving
stuff )
merry
christmas
INTERIOR-
People’s Revolution PR
KELLY
CUTRONE
No
lockpicks teargas, voice recorder, rope, grappling
Hooks
and batarangs
INTERIOR:
Teen Titans Headquarters
BARBARA
(mockingly)
Like
Unholy wow batgirls gone berserk.
Gets
in car…backsup and peels out.
EXTERIOR-
private jet flying
EXTERIOR-
Berlin
Tori
and Nemo running…
NEMO
trips and drops his computer it smashes apart
NEMO
We
are so screwed
INTERIOR-
Dreamworks jet
DREAMWORKS
GOON
They’re
communications sytems are down
DAVID
HA
HA Felix the cat lost his magic bag
get
me some popcorn
EXTERIOR-
Gotham City
Barbara
speeding down the highway
INTERIOR
The Slaughtering Continues
EXTERIOR-
Berlin
TORI
Forget
about it.
NEMO
Forget
about it. Oh great that solves
Everything
tell mr cyberpunk to forget
About
it. Hey hey can somebody buy this
Girl
a clue…or in your case charge it!
INTERIOR-
Locker room Nba
VENGEANCE
.media Teeam watching this on the
telly..slap each others hands
VENGEANCE
Right
on the money dawg..
MEDIA
Uh
where’s Alice .
They
all look nervously around
EXTERIOR-
Berlin
TORI
Look
are you ever gonna trust me
I
mean any relationship is based On
trust.Besides
I’m fuckin flesh andbone.
Not
computer wet dream for you to format.
Exterior
– Hollywood High School
CHEERLEADERS
Give
me a T- O- R- I.
EXTERIOR-
Berlin
NEMO
I’m
sorry I’m sorry you’re right
Its
forgotten can we go now
TORI
After
you
NEMO
After
you
TORI
(snarling)
I
swear if they ever put Moonlighting back
Into
syndication.
Tori
pulls him. And they start running,
EXTERIOR
– Wonderland
Monks
chanting …Alice on grass with Chesire Cat laughing
EXTERIOR
– Dreamworks jet flying
EXTERIOR-
Catdeemonroocket ship flying
EXTERIOR – Gotham City
Barbara
speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeding faster in car
INTERIOR
– The Castro Movie Theatre, San Francisco
GENE
SISKEL
He
can’t keep this up .The pace is gonna
send
the audience Fleeing the theater.
ROGER
EBERT
Speak
for yourself
GENE
SISKEL
I
mean where’s he getting hisStamina
From?
Coffee?
ROGERT
EBERT
I
think you forgot about the
VOICE
OVER
Cocaine
a white bitter crystalline alkaloid,
C17H21NO4
contained in cocoa leaves
Used
in medicine as local anesthic and
As
a narcotic
INTERIOR-
Egyptian Pyramid
SELENA
and BAST on couch nodding off
INTERIOR-
The Factory- NYC
Andy
and his superstars collapse while Velvet Underground is playing
INTERIOR-
Egyptian Pyramid
SELENA
and Bast on couch nodding off.
EXTERIOR-
Berlin.street
NEMO
Tori
I can’t keep this up I can’t run anymore
I
gotta rest
TORI
(giving
him a hug)
You’re
so silly. Don’t you know I have
A
car.
Tori
pulls Batremote out her backpocket.Pressesbutton
INTERIOR-
the Batcave
Batmobile
revs up….Jettions out the door
EXTERIOR
Berlin Street
TORI
(glancing
at Palm Pilot)
The
Batmobile should be here in 15 minutes.
NEMO
And
when were you actually gonna
Tell
me about that one.
TORI
NEMO
Now
what?
TORI
When
the going gets tough .The tough goShopping.
NEMO
Tori
what kinda shopping can we
Possibly
do in fifteen minutes?
TORI
You’d
be surprised.
INTERIOR-Catdeemonrocketship
COMPUTER
VOICE
You
have entered into the Toys R Us matrix
How
can I be of assistance.
ISIS
Ray
I think it’s talking to you.
RAY
You
mean I can get anything I want
ISIS
Of
course sweetie soon the whole world
Will
be yours.
RAY
Well
I’d rather just have a baseball bat,
Teddy
ruxpin, trading hologram cards.
INTERIOR-
Gotham City Art shop
NICK
Two
gallons of premium Picasso,
A
pint of succellent Pollack, a vat of
Virgin
van gogh, a box of brushes,
Gluestick,
razor blades.
EXTERIOR-
NYC Burger Joint
VIVA
SUPERSTAR
A
dozen cheez bugers, three things of fries two
Onion
rings, one veggie burger and Andy
What
did Edie want?
ANDY
(staring
off in too space)
Huh.
VIVA
SUPERSTAR
Heaven
help me Make that a hot dog, saurkraut,
Onions.
INTERIOR-
Private Jet
DAVID
GEFFEN
2000
shares of Go Net, 400 of Yeahbox
6000
of Remedy, Dump Microsoft.
10,000
of those darn kidz.
DREAMWORKS
GOON
Its
not for sale.
DAVID
GEFFEN
Well
then
EXTERIOR-
Gotham Siddy Alley
BARBARA
(talking
to Dealer)
Give
me anything you’ve got.
EXTERIOR-
Harrod’s -London
TORI
and NEMO walking up to Harrod’s
TORI
Not
exactly what I had in mind but
It’ll
have to do.
NEMO
Yeah
don’t ya hate a place that doesn’t
Sell
gummy worms. sure wasn’t yesterday.
INTERIOR-
Gotham City Art supply shop
CASHIER
(talking
to Nike)
What’s
up.
NIKE
You
sure you wanna know.
CASHIER
Sure
I can handle it.
INTERIOR-
Harrod’s – BatGirl Center.
TORI
See
it’s right here
NEMO
(laughing)
Ha
ha Must be some serious
INTERIOR-
Art Supply Shop
NIKE
(leanin
in real close with stone cold look)
Black
fuckin
INTERIOR-
Pyramid, Egypt
Selena
and Bast lying on couch sweet slumberin.
MYRAIDS
OF CAT MUMMY WARRIORS
(hisssssssssssssssing)
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagick
INTERIOR-
Batgirl Center Harrods
RECEPTIONIST
Welcome
to BatGirl Center Ms Spelling
Can
I be of any assistance. ?
NEMO
(mocking)
Can
I be if any assistance Shut up.fakefuck
TORI
(sternly)
Nemo
not another word.
Nemo rolls his eyes.
TORI
Don’t
mind him he needs a nap. I’ll take
a
Intel Chipset Mainboard 56k internal
Fax
Modem Cyberbullet Umax Astra 24000s
Grenades
lasergun Rocketpads, turboboost
rollerblades.one
of Those cute batcompacts and
Some
chocolate pudding for Romeo
NEMO
Thanks
Juliet.
BATGIRL
CENTER RECEPTIONIST
Would
you like that for here or
Suddenly
The Batmobile revvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvs up to the entrance Spitting glitzy brimstone
and fierry fire. Allllllllllllllllllrighty then!
TORI
(laughing
)
To
Go make that to go.
NEMO
(singing
The Prodigy)
Magic
people Voodoo Hoodoo
BATGIRL
CENTER RECEPTIONIST
To
go ha that’s a good one ha ha ha ha
Batgirl
center receptionist and other employees start breaking out into Hysterical
laughter..their mouths start morphing into evil grins…TORI and ARSP whistle as
they make for the exit but BAAAMPF Their exit is blocked by THE JOKER and his goons.
JOKER
Not
so fast . David’s looking for you two.
Get
em. And their lil dog too.
EXTERIOR
– Tori’s bedroom The Colesium, Rome
TORI
(laying
on bed feet in air reading giant script)
Wrong
Movie
INTERIOR
– BatGirl Center, Harrod’s
JOKER
Well
excuse the fuck out of me. It was
A
last minute assignment. Whatdayaexpect.
Got
any complaints bring em up with boy
Wonder.
Tori
arms crossed taps her foot and stares
NEMO
Mom!
INTERIOR-
Gotham City Apartment
BARBARA
is at NICK”s door..banging banging…
EXTERIOR-
Dreamworks jet flying…
INTERIOR-
Pyramid Egypt
Cat
mummies marching…
INTERIOR-
Gotham City Apartment
BARBARA
knock knock knocking on the door..
INTERIOR-
John Hughes Peewee Play House West Seattle
NEMO
(alone
at the computer)
It
would be so trippy if it went like THIS
EXTERIOR
–
Moses
alone on the mountain top Reading the ten commandments….Up walks Spike lee
In
knicks uniform tossing a basketball.
SPIKE
Yo
Moses
MOSES
Yes
my son.
SPIKE
Wanna
know if you wanna do a lil one on
One..
If you win I’ll stop making obxoious
Cameos
in my films. If I win you gotta help
My
man Nemo with some divine intervention.
MOSES
morphs into LUCIFER
LUCIFER
Don’tcha
mean undivine.
INTERIOR-
Gotham City Apartment
BARBARA
banging banging on Nick’s door.
INTERIOR-
Pyramid Egypt
Cat
mummies marching
INTERIOR-
Private Jet
DREAMWORKS
GOON
We’re
closing in .
DAVID
Finally
some good news. Keep it up
I’m
impressed.
INTERIOR-
John Hughes Peewee Play House West
Seattle
NEMO
wanders to the stereo cranks up the music..Lights a cigarette , takes a swig
from beer can and looks at the blank screen tv…gets up and goes back to the
computer.
INTERIOR-
BatGirl Center- Harrod’s
BATGIRL
CENTER RECEPTIONIST
To
go ha that’s a good one ha ha ha ha ha
Batgirl
Center Receptionist and the other employees start breaking out
Into
hysterical laughter..their mouths morph into evil grins…TORI and
ARSP
whistle as they begin to make their exit…
Vid
Sample from The Craft
Vid
Sample from Charmed.
But
BAAAMF! Their exit is blocked by THE HANGING FILE
LEADER
FUCKHEAD FILE
(growling)
Not
so fast . David’s looking for you two.
TORI
Holy
shit Nemo this is pretty extreme.
NEMO
(walking
away)
Hope
that Batcompact’s gotta thermonuclear bomb.
TORI
Where
are you going?
NEMO
Me
I’m waiting in the car. Naptime.
EXTERIOR
– Tori’s Bedroom The Colesium, Rome
TORI
Nice
real nice.
INTERIOR-
Private Jet
DREAMWORKS
GOON
Area
secured sir. We’ll be landing in a few minutes.
David
nods his head.
INTERIOR
Gotham City Nicks studio
BARBARA
is bang bang bangin at the Door.
INTERIOR-
Nike’s studio
NIKE
(wiping
his hands)
hold
on I’m coming.
Nike
opens the door. Wildeyed and trembling Barbara staggers thru The door.
BARBARA
God
for a minute I thought you weren’t gonna be here.
Is
it done..
NIKE
Is
Michael Christ?
He
motions to the massice breathing machine painting surrounded by candles and
stattues
that
has now take up the entire apartment…Barbara collapses down in front it in
awe..
INTERIOR
– The Toys R Us Matrix
RAY
I
think I’m full.or something.
TOYRUSMATRIXMAN
You
can’t go yet. We’ve got a show all
For
you.
RAY
Is
Isis part of it.
TOYSRUSMATRIXMAN
Of
course she’s back stage
Getting
ready.
ANDY
And
she looks fabulous like only she
Can
EDIE
Andy
you’re treading on thin
EXTERIOR-
Gotham City
VENDOR
Ice
Cream Get your Ice Cream.here
Vanilla
Strawberry Chocolate
Delcious
Nutricious Wicked
INTERIOR-Gotham
City. Nike’s studio
BABARA
Shit
Time To Go.
Grabs
him kisses him and plunges thru the painting….
INTERIOR-
Batgirl Center…Harrod’s
Head
Evil Dude and followers lunge for Tori..
INTERIOR-
Harrod’s
NEMO
is sitting in Batmobile….fiddles with buttons….Monitor pops up..
Koolkiller-digitalize technique…Chuck clothed as Dr StrangeLoveSexRay appears..
CHUCK
Ahroo
Captain
NEMO
Hey
man watcha doin?
CHUCK
Watchin
some black love arhooooo
NEMO
Chuck
how can you watch porno and eat at the
Same
time that’s so gross.
CHUCK
Its
delicious.Did you and Tori fuck yet?
NEMO
Talk
about a one track mind. Hopefully she’s…
INTERIOR-
Batgirl Center
TORI
(throwing
kick)
kicking
your ass!
DESCRIBE
BATTLE SCENE….OH DO IT YOURSELF!
EXTERIOR-
London
Private
jet has landed. DAVID GEFFEN and his Dreamwork Goons briskly walking
DAVID
How
we doing?
DREAMWORKS
GOON
Ms
Spellings fighting thru the perimeter.
But
I’m positive we can hold them.
DAVID
You
know what I’m gonna say next right
DREAMWORKS
GOON
Move?
DAVID
No
I was gonna ask yaif you wanted to run this
Outfit.
DREAMWORKS
GOON
Really
sir? That quite an honor I
DAVID
No
you idiot you got it right the first time
Move!
INTERIOR-
Batgirl Center- Harrod’s
Tori
kicking much butt..
INTERIOR- Harrod’s
Nemo
sitting in batmobile….
NEMO
Chuck
she needs more power.
CHUCK
I’m
giving it all I can captain. The engines are
About
to…
INTERIOR
NEMO
(seeing
Dreamwork Goons headed towards him)
Jiminey
Crickets we’ve got company. Chuck
See
if you can modify the batmobile. I
INTERIOR
– Chuck’s place Seattle
Chuck
at his computer typing
COMPUTER
SCREEN
Modify
Batmobile into giant dildo
CHUCK
Hello
Sailor
EXTERIOR
–
BATMOBILE
modifies into giant dildo on Wheels.
NEMO
Chuck
this is not funny.
INTERIOR
– Chuck’s place Seattle
CHUCK
Not too worry captain.
COMPUTER
SCREEN
Modify
Batmobile into
EXTERIOR-
Batmobile
NEMO
Chuck
forget the batmobile
Hit
Tori !
INTERIOR-
Chuck’s place.- Seattle
COMPUTER
SCREEN
Modify
Tori with bad ass Batarmor g-string.
INTERIOR-
Batgirl Center- Harrod’s
Tori
up against the wall getting the shit beat out of her
PAUSE
let’s savor that image a bit.hmmmmmmmmmm fascinating
HEAD
HANGING FILE
Now
will you cease and desist.
Tori’s
outfit transforms into Batarmor
g-string
TORI
(fierce
grin )
I don’t think so..fucker..
WHAP!
SMACK! THWAAAP!
TORI
About
time guys!
EXTERIOR-
Harrod’s
DREAMWORK
GOON
Sir
you’re not gonna believe this but
they’ve
got tech support.
DAVID
From
who? From where?
Tori
finishes kicking butt…
TORI
I’d
say some smart remark but I don’t have
EXTERIOR-
WONDERLAND
WHITE
RABBIT
Time.
I’m late I’m late for an important date.
INTERIOR-
Hole
BARBARA
is falling dowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn
Fallllllllllllllllllling
doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooown
Falling
dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooown
Falling
doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooown
Falling
doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooown
INTERIOR-
Batgirl center. Harrods
Dreamwork
Goons approach batmobile
NEMO
Hi
guys
THIS
IS WHERE CHARLES ROMEO RAN OUTTA BOOZE…SO
I
COULDN’T GET SHITPACED AND GATEWAY 2000 SOME PEOPLE!
Exterior-
Highway…Dover Cliffs, UK
Batmobile
is by the road…NEMO has handicam and is filming TORI
NEMO
Sunshine
you just finished kicking major
evil
deemon ass. How do you feel?
TORI
Planet
Hollywood. so I sure as hell don’t
wanna
Go
to Disneyland.
INTERIOR-
Castro Movie Theatre, San Francisco
ROGERT
EBERT
Satisified.
GENE
SISKEL
No.
What about Batgirl
ROGERT
EBERT
She
is Batgirl numbnut.
GENE
SISKEL
(pointing
the screen)
Well
then the version 6.6.6
INTERIOR
– Hole
BARBARA
is falllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllling down
Fallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllling
down
EXTERIOR-
The Great Glass Elevator
CHARLIE
Would
you like to play a game?
WILLIE
WONKA
Sure.
Did you have something in
INTERIOR-
Whiskey- A Go Go , Los Angeles
NEMO
is thrashing on stage with Olympia band, JIHAD
thumpin out heavymetal Punkstuff.Housemusic
NEMO
(growling)
Mind
Mind Mind Tori’s what on your mind
CLOSEUP
of his mouth as Vid samples of bananasplits adam ant monkees mary tyler moore
world war 2..Three stooges spaceshuttleblowing up…mister rogers muppets..
sexpistols
Easter island continue….
Rewind
INTERIOR-
the Great Glass Elevator
CHARLIE
Would
you like to play a game?
WILLIE
WONKA
Sure.
Did you have something in
Interior-
Whiskey ago go
NEMO
(growling)
Mind
Mind Mind Tori what’s on your mind
Then
same images split on the screen traveling faster than fast
NEMO
(growling)
Mind
Mind Mind Tori what’s on your mind?
Three
NEMO
(growlng)
Mind
Mind Mind Tori what’s on your mind?
Four
NEMO
(growling)
Mind
Mind Mind Tori’s what’s on your mind
Five
NEMO
(growling)
Mind
Mind Mind Tori’s whats on your mind?
Six
Then
BAMF! TORI appears dancing wildly in the middle….i got the poison
I
got the remedy igot the poison I got the remedy I got the poison I got the
remedy
Interior
– The Castro Movie Theatre, San Francisco
The
images now traveling off the screen….the entire audience is now Dancing…..
Pyrotechnics
are exploding….
SHOTS
OF GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING
GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS
CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS
PARTY!
CALLING
GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS CALLING GIRLS
CALLING GIRLS GIRLS FAXING GIRLS FAXING
GIRLS FAXING GIRLS FAXING GIRLS FAXING GIRLS FAXING GIRLS FAXING
PARTY!
EMAILING
GIRLS EMAILING GIRLS EMAILING GIRLS EMAILING GIRLS EMAILING GIRLS EMAILING
GIRLS GIRLS EMAILING GIRLS EMAILING
PARTY!
EXTERIOR-
The Castro Movie Theatre- San Francisco
Herds
of people are rushing up to the doors .cars are piled up .kids are dancing to
the
Music
outside…supersized pink limo purrs up..Out walks the owner of Studio 54
OWNER
OF STUDIO 54
Wow
uhuh this is some party
Date:
Fri, 09 Nov 2001 10:13:22
Subject”
For Your Consideration: Best Animated Live Action Feature..ZOINKS!
“who’s gonna drive you home
tonight”- the cars
Inside
the biggest, longest. Most expensive fantasy series ever..I mean Look
WHO’S
READING’
“As
Holywood casts about for a war role Virtual Reality is a star”
-
John
Lippman Wall Street Journal
MANNY
HEYWOOD
You’ll
have a blast. She’s really down to earth.
Hope
so since I’m The Patrica Ann Mendez/Stanley Bard piercing stare hORny toad
Guzzle
guzzle..BELCH.. WHAT AM I A JOKE TO YOU?…Grand Illusion..Here’s
A joke@maximmag.com from The Ultimate
Hollywood Tour Book “ Spelling is not a househould name”..like where Pluto? UP
YOUR ANUS?!?…”he spent $10 million for the old Bing Crosby estate, tore it
down…”Buddah..Bing Crosby was an evil father muthaphucka and I’ve never had a
White Christmas. And now never a moment’s peace.
Pieces
of me are left in various states”..Sorry Sunshine about the phonecall to ST.
Last
night..’WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DELIVER MY SHIT OVER TO THE FILTHY FUCKING
STINKING RICH! THAT’S A LOTTA SUCKING DICK. AND REMEMBER I DON’T SUCK DICK!’
OOPS Come on Babe I was pissed…Jerkwas messed up my evening and well damn
Jeanne Marie had me sssssssssssssssssssssssssoo
GUESS
I CAN’T GO BACK TO THE RED ROCK. Tip for certain people…DON’T
INTERRUPT
MY CONVERSATION WITH THE CHECK JUST PLACE IT ON THE TABLE AND…WAIT! LIKE I HAVE
FOR THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF! GET ME..GOOD…Brenda
I got your message about The Grandparents Industry but I can’t cut and paste on
this machine..I CAN’T CUT AND PASTE AT ALL..BLACK CAT OUTTA
THE
BAG..IT’S A POE THING..Tori I had a dream about you last night when I fell
Asleep
in front of the fireplace…You were wearing a powerblue Mickey Mouse shirt and
White
pants..CAN WE PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE TAKE A NAP…I PROMISE NOT TO TTTTOUCH YOU…MY
PRECCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCIOUSSSSSSSk
KAA
Trust
in me Just in me
Close
your eyes. Trust in me
MUMMY!
INTERIOR-
Police Headquarters Gotham City
In
walks with David with members of HANGING FILE …approaches the front desk.
DAVID
Gordon
I want to talk with Gordon.
DESK
SERGEANT
Do
you have an appointment?
DAVID
Look
pal if you hadn’t noticed these are some freaky
Ass
deemnoid fucks from beyond space & time that
Can
take out your entire town. I want to talk to Gordon.
DESK
SERGEANT
I’ll
schedule you for something next week.
DAVID
(turning
to HANGING FILE)
Hardball
huh? Show em.
HANGING
FILE deposits empty grey bags of cocaine.
DAVID
Wow
I wonder what Barbara’s up to these days.
INTERIOR Hole
BARBARA
falllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllling down
INTERIOR
– Gotham City Police Headquaters
DESK
SGT.
(on
the phone)
Get
you get Commissoner Gordon. We have a problem.
DAVID
(singing)
It’s
a small world after all.
INTERIOR-
The Factory NYC
The
Chelsea Girls and Andy watching the movie on t.v.
EDIE
Oh
my gawd
AMERICA
Shit
ULTRA
VIOLET
He
didn’t just do that.
ANDY
(sighing
shaking his head )
David
, david
Shot
of dj draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaging wah wah wah wah
INTERIOR-
Movie theatre
The
screeeen fizzles and pops as the film is exposed..the screen goes dark
And
the audience falls down…
EXTERIOR-
Highway
TORI
and NEMO on ground by the Batmobile
INTERIOR
BARBARA
deposited on the hardcold floor of the Egyptian Pyramid…Completely shakin
up…she lays still gasping for breath a bit..trembling..wipes the drool from The
corners of her mouth…lays head on ground.notices foot..looks up into the SELENA
and the cat mummy warriors.
SELENA
Please
let introduce my self . I’m a woman. No make that
Cat
of (SHIT I FORGOT THE rest of lyrics of
THAT
STUPID
STUPID Rolling Stones song) .
And
with that sed and done .KILL HER
Catmummies
lift her up and take her away
EXTERIOR-
Highway
As
squads of police cars are coming The image of Tori quivers and disappears
NEMO
(moaning)
Tori
no! Chuck they got Tori
INTERIOR-
Chuck’s place
Chuck
is bound and gagged …Surrounded by Dreamwork goons.
DAVID
GEFFEN
Chuck’s
got his own problems and
From
the sounds of it you will too.
Exterior
– Tori’s Bedroom, Colseium Rome
Tori
has nearly collapsed off her bed…Marilyn Manson
Is
teleported in..they gather around her..Marilyn Manson places her
Back
tori on the bed and perform
THE
LAST DAY ON EARTH (Track 13 “Mechanical
Animals”)
Yesterday
was a million years ago
In
all my past lives I played an asshole
Now
I found you, its almost too late
And
this earth seems obliviating
High
and dead our skin is glass
I’m
so empty here without
I
crack and split my Xerox
I
know it’s the last day on earth
We’ll
be together while the planet dies
I
know it’s the last day on earth
We’ll
never say goodbye
The
dogs slaughter each other softly
Love
burns its causalties
We
are damaged provider modules
Spill
the seeds at our children’s feet
I’m
so empty here with out you
I
know it’s the last day on earth
We’ll
be together while the planet dies
I
know its the last day on earth
We’ll
never say goodbye
Cut
away to police cars surrounding surrounding surrounding surrounding CopsDrag
Nemo away……to a nearbycross…Skeletons emerging out of ground being resurrected
resuurected Leaving offerings around Tori……………………………..
VIDEO
OF JIM FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDBACK
VIDEO
OF NANCY CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR OF THE FLOOR
BLOODY
JONNY
ROTTEN
Do
you ever feel like you’ve been lied to
HENRY
ROLLINS BAND
I’m
a liar liar
When
the song finally ends Alive…..
NEMO
IS TORCHED……………BURNING BURNING
DAVID
(throwing
more gas on the fire)
Burn
you fucking freak
SHOTS
OF JOAN OF ARC
Tori
has died .clutching her bigbook picture script….Crowd walks away
NEITHERWORLD
A MILLION LIGHT YEARS WAY….
Riverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrous
dark phoenix
Interior
shot – Bedroom
Closing
on XMEN comic book …the show panels of the
Dark
Phoneix saga………………….Music from some..band
Fire
from the sky swooshessssssin consuming
Feeeeeeeeeeeding
on all the drugs inthis world
INTERIOR
– Bar Tangiers Morroco
WILLIAM
BURROUGHS
You
wanna know what a psychotic is. I’ll tell
You
what a psychotic is . A psychotic is a guy
Who’s
just found out what’s going .
BARFLY
Are
you psychotic?
WILLIAM
BURROUGHS
Sure
the fuck am?
BARFLY
What’s
going on.
WILLIAM
BURROUGHS
Junk
man Junk pure unadulterated junk
Insert
email
From”Viciousjam@cbgb.com
“Subject:
WattaRelief..Bush’s “Calm And Vigilance” Gets A Step Off The Property
TORI
SPELLING AND NEMO 19 THE BIGGEST NEVER SOLD
Dude
Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa..Man I’m smiling..that was too
much of a mystery musical Tour today…whoa..finished a few beers @
Mirabelle’s..where I broke down in hyster-ical laughter…after this guy on his
cell..goes ‘GIANTOR!”..that’s the shirt you just bought…okay..okay..I’m gonna
get into this..first off the only thing that propelled me Further on was
President Bush’s “ Calm and Vigilance” cuz Hey Love Love can only surf you so
far…Hey I have a habit of telling the truth..So I lied to the 1800 Collect
Operator that my name was “Beverly Hills Hotel” but I wanted to let The
Stranger staff know where I was…besides the computer room inside the hotel was
locked…took a Can from there..and the driver had absolutely no idea where he
was going…thought About going to David Geffen’s mansion on Angelo Drive…but I
was like “ENNNT!’ We end up back at the hotel..where he restarts the meter and
calls the dispatcher…..and we’re finally on our way to 594 Mapleton Dr..it
wasn’t easy..but when we arrive..I step out..AND YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE
THIS..$8.50 was on the meter… The gate’s open a guy is delivering
something…this GQ dude with a goatee is there… I ask him..”Is this Aaron
Spelling’s estate?”..and he sez “No, its 111 Mapleton. Dr”.. The brotherman delivering
sez “ I don’t know why he told you that. This is The Spelling’splace”..I
approach the gate…; THIS IS AARON SPELLING’S PLACE!” and no welcome Nemo, Tori’s here to see ya. It’s ‘STEP OFF THE
PROPERTY! “ They didn’t have to tell me twice. Frankenmind was like Negro your
behind doesn’t need to go to jail for a RICH HO who doesn’t appreciate any of
the shit you’ve dealt with on her behalffor the last year and ahalf…WOW!…Maybe
I’m too real..maybe I’m too black…MAYBE I’M TOO BLADE RUNNER…MAYBE I’M TOO CYBERPUNK..
who knows but I’m not gonna spend time crying about it..Life’s short…anyway I
didn’t want this to be a black vs white thing..so I stopped the taxi right as
this other dude is pulling into his high security zone…I jumped out and ask the
white security guard “Where Aaron Spelling’s place?”..AND HE GOES ‘BACK THERE
THE LAST HOUSE!”HA SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTING!..Wow Tori is the biggest
bitch in the universe,,OR MAYBE IT’S THE WHOLE FAMILY…whatever THAT’S
LIFE..Glad my spidey sense sed ScoobyDoo this now and get it over with..rock
and roll soldier told to go and I was giving her and everyone else all that I
had to give…I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE A MAN RIGHT ABOUT NOW NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE
SAY…And yeah I’m leaving the stuff on the Web..though The Novel obviously won’t
be dedicated to her…and you know the way Jann keeps pumping Britney Spears in
Rolling Stone..She was just on the cover in September…the 10th
anniversary of Nevermind..And she’s on the December issue..it oughta be a
crime..WOW MAYBE SOMEBODY SHOULD PUMP UP THE VOLUME ON CHRISTIE
GROVES…SSSSSSERIOUSLY COME ON BABE
DON’T YA WANNA BE ON THE COVER OF THE STORY TO END ALL STORIES! OH NO THAT’S
WHY TORI DITCHED ME I’M RIVEROUS PHONEIX GONE DISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSNEY! By
the way Bill Gates those messages that Conan captured on his machine @ Getty
Images weren’t meant for publicForum..but once he told me I sed ‘WHY THE FUCK
SNOT!”
We
meet Jimmy and H.R. Pufnstuff, And tell em what time is is…and Puffnstuf sez
swe have to be resurrected..by the kids. These asian teens in Tokyo who are pissed
ASIAN
TEENS
We
have to save the world again
Come
on we did that last week
EXTERIOR-
TORI
(giving
me ahug OKAY MUCH MORE THAN
THAT
OOPS sorry I’ll settle down)
So
what about those chocolate pancakes
I’ve
heard so much about?
NEMO
No
way. You want chocolate pancakes
For
dinner.
JIMMY
Go
ahead Nemo you whip up a mean batter
H.R.
We’ve
got enough ingredients here to make
Pancakes
for all of Living Island.. It’ll be a blast
NEMO
You
got that right.
Tori
and He sitcom laugh.
And
after some fudgey munchies..in a boat off Living Island..Nemo sings
Tori
her song. They fall asleep in each other’s arms. Awakened the next morning
Voltron
has arrived with the kids.
INTERIOR-
The Manor
NEMO
Sunshine
I’m tired you just wanna tv.
TORI
Anything
but Buffy The Vampire Slayer
And
before I foRget can you call David
And
tell him to lay off a bit cuz Barbara
Still
has to kick Catwoman’s ass
…and
then FINALLY
HALL
& OATES
One
on one I wanna play that game tonight”
….Gee
that was nice of Nemo to have shared that but…I powered on the PC and netscaped
into Angelfire…YOU HAVE MAIL…
thickblackhiss@valis.com “No
Subject”
-Todd
are you ready to write your novel now?
Yeah
Afrika I sure am.
Date,
2 Dec 2001
Subject:
New To Kill A Mocking Bird Release From Rosewood Manor:
Dear
Lord We Are All Fragile And Eventually Nothing But Sometimes
YOU
HAVE TO FLIP DAVID BOWIE THE BIG BIRD!