Dedicated to
my kid brutha, Trip Fantastic
And my EveryDay Sunshine
Victoria Spelling
-
Iggy Pop (RepoMan)
Serials
Saturdazed
Vigilantes Of
L.O.V. E.
Euro-A-Go-Go
Romeo’s Void
Odds &
Endsville
HollywoodNoSuicide
Clueless Spooks
DO NOTTRY
THIS AT HOME DO NOT TRY THIS ATHOME DO
NOT TRY THIS AT HOME DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME
Portions of “ZOINKS!” Have appeared
previously in The Stranger, The Rocket, The Portable Lower Eastside, American
Music Press, The Balhasti Papers, Goo Goo Muck Cups, Filth, Fizz, Revolting!, WWW.Hightimes.com
(“Kurt Cobain Will Have His Revenge On Rob Zombie”/Music Archives), Punk
Magazine.com, and Those Darn Kidz.html
(Part 1)
-Public Enemy
Animated
Exterior- Deep In The Voidoid Fart Of Spooky
Ooky Space
Two GIGANTIC HANDS OF FATE squeezed in lemony
fresh leopard skin gloves motivate towards a massive plastic zipper. One HAND
OF FATE conjures a beer mug while the other slowly unzips the non button fly
revealing OHM, a celestial goddess clothed in a silvery sequin of events.
OHM prances and preens doing her best Betty
Boop, blowing Cherry Coke kissses towards the glowing galactic vidcam.
Disrobing she releases a zillion covergirl giggles. Her rubenesque body is a
scrumptious dish of funkytown dayglo rainbow.
One HAND hover’s over OHM’s head, pouring out
the mug’s contents. A shower of meterorites cascade over her. The HANDS carress her titanic titties, seductively
sweeping downwards to the inner space between her juicy thighs.
OHM lifts a HAND to her mouth and begins
deepthroating its fingers. Gradually at first then increasingly faster faster
pussycat. Equally excited the other HAND spins her ass round and thwaaps OHM’s
fine shake-it-like-that several times. As OHM orgasms her
Spincterhole emits an explosion of lavalight
ecstacy then ejects a GOLDEN EGG
The GOLDEN EGG wooweez thru the midnight
atmosphere, weeblewobbling it way to
THE CRIB OF SOLIDTOOD; a groovyghoulie gothic
mansion with a batwinged Hollywood sign perched on its roof, nestled in a bed
of radiating Sunny Delight bottles, stuffed animals, lovesick punkrock
polaroids and purpleleafed palm trees. A swarm of
Serpentine rollercoaster tracks envelop the
tiny asteroid its teetertottering on. With one last powersplurt the GOLDEN EGGS
enters the viper’s mouth hovering overhead.
INTERIOR- The Crib Of Solidtood
The GOLDEN EGG lands, cracking open on
impact. Out terrorwalks THE JEEPHEAPS: 13 musclebound Matsuda shaded Pink
Hippos in metallic hiphop gear, glossy black graffittied skulls attached to
their chests, feet shod in fluffy bunny slippers. Their leader
FURTHER
GIANT STRIDE motions silent rap commands. Extracting translucent gummy c.d.s
from their armor the JEEPHEAPS lock and load the defheads. In unison they dance
troop down the darkened steel corridors.
Approaching the cargo bay doors, FURTHER GIANT STRIDE reaches into his shadowy myst bag, recovering an Acme ticktock timebomb. Rough he shakes the sleeping alarm clock awake, while another JEEPHEAP hands him a wad of bubblegum from his mouth. Stuck to the cargo bay doors, the yawning timebomb raises a waterpistol to its temples..
Sfx;: KAABOOM!
The JEEP HEAPS step thru the smoldering debris startling an exoctic array of cosmic partyers, i.e. FREEWILLIES (furry hippy beings), OLLIE OOPS (spastic transexual skateboarders) P.E.Z. (aka Pure Energy Zealots, huge silkwinged candy dispensers)
CYBERFLYZ
(robot lounge lizards) and other virtualworld insanity.
The
partygoers festive brewha!ha! collapes into an uncomfortable silence. THE
JEEP-HEAPS strategically spread out thru the ballroom, jostling the partygoers
in their way. FURTHER GIANT STRIDE
postions himself in the middle of the abfab crowd and thrusts his arm in
the air.
(bellowing)
Let’s get this party started right!
All
illumination is killed and THE JEEPHEAPS gripsqueeze their defheads,
liquidylight blitzgreigs from the skulls’ orbs and mouths. The candystriped
raybeams 1975 above the partygoer, their electro-rock buzz, a static infested
blend of angels humming, pinball machines clanking and musclecar engines
revving. Bouncing off the walls, the raybeams converge on the floating stage
transforming into JODYCAT, a platnium blonde bronzed
Cali-girl
shake system.
Happily
tragic house music erupts and JODYCAT xrayeyes the crowd with a wicked smile
then goes boomshockalockaboom. Her dance moves are pure pagan superohero lover,
a willing sacrifice of sight and sound. Rapturous waves of Do Whatcha Wanna Do
possess her body and agressively she submits to its inhuman power. The crowd is
estatic chanting and cheering her on to reach even greater heights of
hipsteria.JODYCAT responds by rumpshaking into a primal state, arms a blur,
hips thrusting, legs steelwheel-ed. As the number ends JODYCAT raises her head,
victories a demonic roar and explodes into nothingness. The raybeams shoop back
into THE JEEP HEAPS defheads
As
the crowd goes ballistic.
Snake packed Vanity So Fair. A most positive
vibration. “Got me
A new drug Jody” AAAAAh no need to go on. You Know
the words
A shimmery hologram immerges from the dance floor as the theme music from The Last of The Mohicans blares. This is NEMO 19. A seemingly ageless bald black man clothed in vintage tuxedo tails and intricately designed gutterpunk pants buried under leather chaps. He eerieindianas his way thru the cheering partygoers, pausing to frenchkiss a few of them. Leviating to the stage NEMO 19 grabs the mike.
Myself today. But then when have I ever been.
(flashing
the sign of The Devil)
(smiling)
Don’t know if
I’m hip enough to fit in. So is everyone be-
Sides
Mr. Beetlejuice having a good time?
The crowd screams its approval as a few OLLIE
OOPS dragrace their hoverboards around the ballroom.
(lighting a siggyret)
This one I call Riverview Hotel.
NEMO 19
pauses painfully as if under an enormous weight. He adjusts his
Serengetti sunglasses and continues.
(moaning)
Just press REWIND
No further to go on ya know
(growling)
All I ever wanted was to rock and rolla
Big Mistake
All I ever wanted was to rip the roada
Big Mistake
All I ever wanted was to kiss Winona
Big Mistake
All I ever wanted
was to break the molda
Big Mistake
All I ever wanted was to grabba holda
This is where I interrupt the chorus and
Boris Karloff the tragedy of being a Thing
Of Beauty in a world full of Hate
All I ever wanted was to crack the coda
Big Mistake
All I ever wanted was to shake my soda
Big Mistake
All I ever wanted was to rock and rolla
Big Mistake
All I ever wanted was to be Jehovah
Big Mistake
NEMO 19 repeats the line until he’s in an
animal frenzy. Having fallen on the stage,
He remains gasping for breath. A quiet hush
descends as NEMO 19 grows still. There
Are whispers of concern yet he gradually
rises to his feet.
(wearily)
Thanks for coming out. Enjoy yourselves.
The hologram of NEMO 19 glimmers brightly
then disappears.
INTERIOR- Crib Of Solidtood Command Center
A marble temple of Romanesque design spans the
desk surrounded by a ceiling
Of twinkling glass which offers an
unobstructed view of deep space. Centered in
Its belly is a huge pulsating black triangle
emitting Baby What’s Up wild noise
Gathered inside are NEMO19, JODYCAT, ULTRA
FAB, (Greenskinned blonde
Haired Venusian babe blowout) WILSON (Orange
dayglo bookworm basketball)
NIRVANA (wizened cosmic monkey), and
FRANKENMIND ( a supersized brain
Floating in a vat of slurpee)
Hate to sound so retro but you guys were
most
Excellent.
Yeah can I have your autographs?
(bouncing into
a blur)
People I don’t mean to stain on your
celebrity skin
But the celestial window I opened in
Atmosphere Sex
Hex won’t be available for long.
Knock Knock
Who’s there.
Armageddon.
Armageddon who?
Armageddon sick of you.
Wilson you need to chill the fuck out.
Can’t you see
Nemo’s exhausted.
Yeah ya might find yourself trapped in
an NBA Allstar
game with no way out
(undressing)
Easy gang. He’s right.
Gotta go to work…again.
NEMO 19 climbs naked into a porcelain tub filled with goat’s milk, honey
and rose petals. NIRVANA hooks him into The Thwaap! electrodevice consisting of
a gigantic
Purple crayon & stereo. As NEMO 19 places
the headphones on JODYCAT leans over
And kisses him. The Thwaap powers up. Purple
thought crime surges from its tip and
Jettisons into space.
EXTERIOR
The purple ray fizzes thru the cosmos interrupting all transmissions around the galaxy. Every planet’s t.v. and computer monitors display NIRVANA dribbling WILSON.
Here we are to entertain you.
Shucks make yourself comfortable cause it
looks like the
Revolution will be televised after all.
Monitors cut to a wide scream shot of NEMO 19
gunning down a lonely highway on his motorycle.
“We’re going nowhere fast”
.
–The Loveless
Grant’s Pass, Oregon 9.94
Power On
78
Honda Supersport 750….Black and bruised body...Shadowed engine. License Plate
#106051…Equipped with a new Metzler 120 kickbutt rear tire and a Pantera
sticker epoxied to the gas tank…aka The Beast…I’ve got no motorcycle license…No
registration after this month…No nada…Just sixtyseven dollars, me, myself and
I…And we gotta get down the coast and across the states to New York by the end
of the month.
Naked
Lunch like a muthaphuck…Downloading at Crescent Hotel…lured by a roaring
Lion’s neon in a town that’s an All American City…or so brags the sign right by the interstate…Lil bambino bungalow joint…The place you’d imagine The Ricardos and The
Mertz
staying on a vacation getaway…Or at least that was their plan back in
Manhattan...
Now Ricky’s frantic from misdirections…Trying
to admire the mountains and just get
Gone…but
this damn conga in his head won’t let up..Neither will those dragracing visions
of the Chesterfield girls slurping his schwing…Ethel’s yelling at Fred if she
so much as thinks about being Lucy…and that’s one broad I’m not gonna second
guess…
Electric
shag carpeting stolen from the set of Good Times…Cable but no fucking HBO
The
receptionist…an Indian guy…checked me in..What unspeakable crime did he dine in
a previous life to land this hellish gig…Something tells me it involved a tub
of KY Jelly
And..Rudolph
with your nose so bright, why don’t you guide my sleigh tonight..sickman
Sickman
sickman…that’s what I am…He took my cash and to add insult to injury asked
Me
what I thought about the O.J. hearing…
FRANKENMIND
Nooooooooooooooooo!
I
gave him a lame answer in broken english to match his…cause I really couldn’t
give a shit…A nigga millionaire dwells in a cool world I’ll never get to
visit…Though truth be told I’m running away from something…but it ain’t in a
white Ford Bronco…and it ain’t
From
the L.A.P.D…uh-uhhmm..at least not yet…My motorbuddy Lisa Lisa sed if the cops
pull me and The Beast over and we’re not sporting the right stuff…Its gonna be
one
Short
excursion into The Great Beyond Beyond…Maybe it’s a good thing I packed this
Steel…exit this knightmare sounds aslamming,
guns ablazing…
Lost in the Safeway
Radio Clash
Shopping for a swing
That’s built to last
Lazyboy luxury
Got the devil in me
Twin engine jeans
Surfing new tech Cream
Redeyed Romeo
Bedroom bewitched
Sharing the schwag
With a Boyproof Bitch
She’s good for a
throwdown
Gonna scratch that itch
Home again Home again
Jiggety Jig
I will if you will
Kill regenerate kill kill
Offramp begs oblivion
The black the bold
Phoneix powered foreplay
Down in a hole
Need a touch of the six pack desire
Our minds tremble
tribal
We begin the ceremony
For his work here has begun
She’s eclectic I’m electric
Something wicked this way comes
Yeah some of us were made to be Natural Born
Killers…except at this point the gun would be pointed in my line of fire…my
finger on the trigger…
VIGILANTES OF L.O.V.E.
“Something
to hold
Something to feel
Something to love
Something to need”
-Cranes
“13
Monkees”
Can’t
get…Can’t get…can’t get that sound outta my head…that sound of desolation
infinity times two…times two…times two…buddah…Bing Crosby was an evil father
muthaphucka …and I never had a White Christmas…and now never a moment’s peace.
Pieces
of me are left in various states and I can’t get back to where I once belonged…
Each
day I’m drawn further away…Have you looked so together…so Esquire..strictly
GQ…but have been only a few steps from falling apart…
(cackling)
Oh mercy my, that boy be on his way.
(Sipping
Ole English)
Of town sooner or later.
Holding
on to yourself…hoping to keep the real me magick inside…inside where it’s
safe…though the green glowy things hide in plain sight…Marilyn Manson…Marilyn
Manson Marilyn Monroe…Marilyn Manson Marilyn Manson Marilyn Monroe…
Deceiver Deceiver you are treachery. Your
name is unjust.
Why
can’t I simply lie right here and diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie…Getaway from this
bad bad feeling so the idiots can rule unchecked…Let the culture vulture
fashionistas lay down and dine on Uma’s Beautiful Blonde skin…Yet I say NO!…What
about the black, the yellow, the brown, the blue…BLUE BLUE BLUE SATURDAY IS THE
SKY WIDE OPEN…Finding the tiniest comfort in my prayers of pain..I vikki gadget
goddesses from around the globe…Months of sudden impact are near and from this
point on I daht daht dodd didd dodd the 12 Monkees on a perilous crusade..We
are the new offenders…We are the noweak knights in search of a stranger
fruit…We seek Jesse’s bubble gum and
Chicken
pot pie of conquest…Gonna get Gonna
get..hiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh…We laze in the Mc Vatican’s pews pelting the
congregation with pingpongballs…We swingsongs of Big Time living while outside
They Call Him The Priest mumbles his nova express…
Defrauding Americans. Its written by an
insider. Rodney
Stich. And it makes The Godfather seem
pale by comparison
Buy it. Dirty lil secrets of the C.I.
“And I did it
my way”
Sid Vicious
“Some Knights In This KISS Army Hard To
Handle Now”
Madrid, Spain 10.88
Kwik changing to do the town with Virgina and
there’s a new voice in the pension’s kitchen…Curious…but of course…or haven’t
you noticed yet…I investigate…Female American Blonde…A+ from behind…B- when she
turns around she tries to chitchat
But I refuse to take the bait…No way man I’m depressed and pissed off on of all occasions my birthday and intend to stay that way..A year ago I was in New York with Rebecca and Jessica taking notes from the Red Hot Chili Peppers Uplift Mofo Party Plan and now I’m alone in Madrid
Things could be much worse, G.
Shut the fuck up!..I about face and forward
march to my room…Minutes later there’s a…
SFX: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
On my door and Stacey enters…Geez this chick
won’t let up..
Out.
I don’t know.
My birthday.
I close the door in her face and…
SFX; Knock Knock Knock
I wonder who that could be boys and girls?
Any guesses?
Hey look I’ve got an idea.
(Sarcastically)
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally?
Barcelona and if you want we can smoke
it in my room.
Since it’s your birthday.
Now we’re talking.
We hallow our Adam and Eve to her Garden Of
Eden…sitting on the bed as Stacy performs the elemental ritual…Oddly there’s a
sexual attraction between us…and she knows it…An unmistakable What’s Love Got
To Do With It broadcasts from her southern smile…and leaning back against the
headboard Stacy takes a hit from the joint and spreads her Levi’d legs wwwwwwwwwwwwide…
SFX; SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsuck
Taking my cue I do likewise and play The Moody Young Bohemian for all its
worth… wait ..I am A Moody Young Bohemian…Sloching by the window I read from
George Orwell’s “ Decline Of The English Murder”…in an exaggerated monotone…fully
aware
Of the scene I’m creating…The world’s a stage
and this is my 7,666 performance… longest running human comedy…Funny how some
people never think and others…think too much…Stacy’s eyes burrough into me…
Take a picture babe. It’ll last longer.
And HA!…she does exactly that
SFX; CLICK SNAP CLICK SNAP
Shots of The Prince Of Darkness…and a coupla
joints later we’re out into the night…
Practically kicking myself for not bringing a
jacket…Hey it even gets cold in Spain ..Maybe it’s the pot…or having missed
Virginia when she dropped by to pick me up whatever…yet I can’t shake the blue
meanies…and despite Stacy’s denials to the contrary..it’s getting to her too..I
finally allow myself to have some fun..And in one of the umpteen bars we fly I entertain her with excerpts of my
animated suburban angst..
Round round round the mulberry bush…the
cosmic monkee is chased by the Beatle’s bub..yes the Edward Gorey story remains
are buried in this Kid’s insane..Hours later I yawn loudly hoping Stacy
translates…
Gosh she’s good…Bacardi charged giggles rums
our naah naah naah naah naah we’re lewd back to her room…The Ritual again…
(Interrupting )
Domae un baseo.
Give me a fucking kiss.
Long, wet, sloppy…Judges?
9 on the intent
4 on the execution
but beggars can’t be choosy…besides its
Halloween
Plenty of kissme kissme kissme leads to the
inevitable…
Yeah but can’t we have sex.
No argument from me…Surprised?…Ya shouldn’t be…More
kissme kissme kissme
(loudly
whispering)
You’re such a good kisser.
I aim to please.
I mean cause kissing’s everything.
Off comes the clothes…
If I strip for you, will you
strip for me?
It’s Stacey’s turn to interrupt…and she stuns
me with
Have you any protection cause I’m
feeling good.
Women…go figure…I shake my head no…She leans
over and frisks thru her purse…
(Throwing a condom towards
me)
Happy birthday.
Tearing open the package makes me yearn for
Sandy.
I feel like being passive
tonight. So just fuck me.
No argument here…well, sorta…I mean do I always have to do all the work…the kissing stops and I enter her suddenly…Remaining silent as she rides my erection…Stacy throws her hands against the wall…Ride the sssssssssssssnake…Blonde hair falls over her eyes conceals thoughts…though the moans give it all away…Ride the sssssssssssnake…She arches her back…I thrust deeper…Ride thesssssssssnake…And again…And again…In
Out…in…out…out..in…Out…Ride
the sssssssssssssnake…harder…harder…harder
Let’s do it again.
Mild satisfaction…I lay across her…Is it
Stacy’s trembling or mine?…I reach down and pull the rubber outta her
pussy…Look at it and toss it to the side…snicker snicker… Putting my hand on
her belly I draw near…
(shrugging
me off)
I’m tired. I need some time
alone.
Angered I turn my back to her and leave…On my bunk I’m upset and lonely with only $500 left to spend for the next month…Unless I call Sherill…Sex is not love…Sex is not love…Sex is not love…
Unhappy birthday to you
Unhappy birthday dear Nemo
Unhappy birthday to you
And not many more.
SEARCH SEARCH
“Goddess Of Sleep, Goddess Of Beauty
God of Strength, make this handsome
boy
As powerful and brave as necessary”
-Mysto
(Lil Nemo In Slumberland)
FuturePresentPast
Aztec
Camera…Mind’s Eye Chanting…Boo Not Bad…Boo Not Bad…Curtains of fire… Sheets of
black pain…Explotating rain…Pulsating loas…Papa Legba…Papa Legba… Haunting
utterances punctuating the agony…Yellow submarine rises…Rises from the
fog…Gotcha gotta new game…And the wiz that is tinkers an unruly new tinman… And
there she is…And there she is..Saam Hey…Tokyo subway seeth grrl encased in
bronze…
Android
Android…21rst century synth need asian pearl…Robot Robot…Krazy feline that she
buzz…rubbed against supernatural eastside…stroking clean her full metal
jacket…teen titan tights…Gotham razor soles…Electric ladyland’s last stand…Hole
in the socket…Dark Atari in her back pocket…Wowwrrrr Wowrrrrrr…Those lips…those
eyes…that smack…revealed she had fucked Einstein’s relativity in the ruined
suburbs of L.A…while tonguen the ass of angels…Sucksavored psychobilly creep on
a wintery eon and on…Ravenreaped the harvest of fear glimpsed in October’s
tears…”All we have to fear is ourselves”…This was her manifesto…Make
manifest…Feast…Fest…Yes, she was above and beyond…Tomorrow Tomorrow…Whose was
she?…Shewhat Shewhat I slipped into the stream…gabbin the grabba grabba
heyho…”I’m a man of sixmillion empire protein…A roving reever of sin again
unfurled slurpee…A breathing c.d. of fabulous thirteen skim skirtin
annihilation skies…Funky farout space nut defsexxin the insanity…wailing the
whizzdom Of Scooby Doo, Langston Hughes, Freddy D., Muhamed Ali….A harddriving
nigga networking biggety buggety boo…The take you to a movie mind macking
wondermike…Alright Alright…Careening cannonballs off Godzilla’s head…Hands of
Captain Caveman whammbammalammabustin windows, worries, borders,
boundaries…Koolkillin Eiffel Tower, Corporations, Kilimanjaro… Kitty on my mind
the entire time…So face the bass, bitch…’FACE THE BASS”
“You is just fulla hongkongphooey ain’t ya muthaphucka” she spat back…”but listen Mr. Bigstuff, you ain’t never gonna be the cat that snags this here Josie’s pussy…That bad you be sportin ain’t up to speed…Need to revv the mean to get in my jeans…501 gets ya six sucka and these kinda trix ain’t for kids”…Ten seconds to size my sound and send me on my way…way down south where the lying is fine…loathed her…lushed her… lust her…But I had to get gone from her gonzo…The power of her pull…So I dynamoed the exit design in fine dick dastardly fashion…yet she…Cleopatra…wrapped Dante’s delirium…Midsummer…round her closer…Hed that sed BOO!…stalking me in stereee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeo
…EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOH….EEEEEEEEEEEEEEOH…GO
AWAY…EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOH…….EEEEEEEEEEEEOH…GO AHEAD…Smells like teen spirit…Tastes
like chicken….
REWIND
-Inxs
Norwalk,
CT. 12.87
Rebecca’s babyblues were misting
over…Maaaaaaan not again…my G.I. Joe buzz couldn’t have been that bad…Could it?
You ain’t got no alibi
Okay is she was gonna give me The Boot
Goodbye…for the bazillionth time this unmerry holiday season…I still had His
Batmanic Majesty’s “Request” ringing in my ears…
Suffer. Become
a Hollywood Mogul. Write sci-fi on the side.
Marry Rebecca.
SuperCaliFabulousDood…except it’s New Year’s
Eve…we were supposed to be at Kevin’s already…and I just couldn’t bare to see
anymore tears…not tonight…Not if they weren’t mine..Though y aknow L.O.VE.
works overtime.
On your bed crying because you were leaving.
(opening
car door pissed)
Fine. Let’s go.
Can you hold on for a second? Please.
(sarcastically)
So sorry for thinking about this summer.
Back. I could deal with this is I had more time but
I don’t
Me any affection tonight, it’s a simple fact you
won’t two
Months from now when I’m done with Basic.
Rebecca rewarded my No Matter What You Do I’ll Always Love You by taking her beautiful pout along for the whole ghostly snow glitter drive to South Salem…Good News though when we arrived…Maria was there…So us kids had plenty of time to
Perculate
cause Sherill and Diane were at a party in New Canaan….Bad News… Kevin took me
aside and said things were pretty much over between him and Maria.
(at
a loss for words)
I don’t know what happened. We’ve grown apart.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh…We were gonna have big
big fun
The breakup Club is now in session.
Kevin busted out the champagne and I injected
the Bugs Bunny into the VCR…the tiny bubbles in the sparkling wine relaxing us
all…And finally after two weeks of nearly nada Rebecca and I are pawing at each
other like old times…Need a change of scenery…We scurry upstairs to “my
room”…and ya know the drill privates..
Rewind
Catcher In The
Rye angle against the wall.
On the bed outta control…belly breasts thighs
late night snatch..
SFX; Slurp slurp lick lick
Rebecca withered hither and
thither…YEAH!…grasping the sheets..OH YEAH!..nearly falling on the floor…We
gotta make love…We gotta make love…but when the
Shifts into overdrive…she did her Cinderella
act…again.
How can you have a curfew tonight? It’s New Years Eve.
I’ve gotta go so let me go.
As Rebecca slipped her panties back on…I
leaned over to kiss her but she won’t
(crinkling
her nose)
You know, the smell.
(totally
disgusted)
It’s your twat not mine.
How could she be embarrased…after all those
furious lust sessions in the Reginamobile...
No, this wasn’t the same girl..Guess I should
have tried harder to find her that perfect
Christmas gift…I’m sure somewhere on the
westside docks of Manhattan a hot time machine can be had for a sad song…
FAST FORWARD
Something’s Up with Jack”
-
The Nightmare Before Christmas
“Underneath
The Underdog”
Seattle,
WA. 9.92
Liz,
Here in Emerald Siddy….as you couldn’t tell…Small town…Smaller room Actually it’s not too bad…Hardword floors…working fireplace…and double doors that open to my very own deck…Shuttling cars for Alamo Rental…whatever you do never buy a GEO…yes, they’re attractive lil buggers…but you musn’t be swayed by the genteel vrrooming of their engines…or the incredible price tag..these cheap florescent fucks have been hatched without power steering..and go from 0 to 60 in two weeks…and actually have the balls to be smug about it…I’ve had it up to here with them and thai noodle salad the gritty crap included in poor slobs free groceries at the University food bank…It’s so pasty I don’t know whether to eat it or traipse about fixing the nation’s infrastructure… I’m sure Jessica has clued you in how incredibly heterosexual I am…and I’ll admit I’ve gone a bit daft at the sight of this vast collection of sorority sisters and grunge priestesses and maybe I’ve been guzzling too much Red Hook at The Comet…duded up as woebe gone as possible…but what’s a brainly endowed horribly financed alternative negro to do except drown his confusion with fireliquids…gazing intensely as Morrisey might amongst rainbow haired liars and body pierced pretendsters…Oh shit I’ve been scarfing too much of my Portable Beat Reader..Betta cut out this b.s. before I sprout a goatee and start quoating Zen..I’ve been focusing on The Novel quite nicely…I knew my nocturnal sojurns would abrupstly end as soon as my disposable cash did..Hopefully my diet of cheese grits and Jolt Cola will provide me with the necessary chutzpah to brave these long and meatless days of creativity…And I desperately want you to know your faith in my abilities have given me the boost I really need…I don’t know how to thank you enough…What could I do to show my appreciation…hmmmmm.. I know…anytime you need some wiseass rubbed out…I’ll jet to New York with my cartons of thai noodle salad
…a
few hundred copies of The Bible..and promptly Cask Of Amontillado his sorry
butt..
FAST FORWARD
“Downsized”
Grant’s
Pass, Oregon 9.94
Had to get the fuck outta Seattle…No
wait…Bring that…Bring that…Bring that beat back…I had to get waaaaaaaaaaaay the
fuck outta Seattle…pullin no punches…Tellin no lies…Here I had wasted the
entire summer trapped by my own satanophonic psycho circus of fear & loathing…consuming
any drug that slyly promised to bang my noize.. crank…shrooms…acid…the demon
weed…Tang
You name it. He’ll take it.
And still The Cold Lonesome wove its way into
my vibeworks…unraveling everything in its path…to give you an idea how my Milky
Way Mope had become larger than life… Maurice was introducing me at parties as
The Angster. The G is silent.
Out at O.K. Hotel” starring that freakazoid
Nemo 19. As the robot
Monster on a one way mission to fuck himself
but good. Be enthralled
As he orders a Rainer. Watch
him guzzle another. And another. And
Another. Be amazed as the Human Brewery guns
his motorcycle thru
The slick siddystreets searching for a place
to explode. Haul along the
Kids tell the neighbors, see it again and
again. Because as sure as shoot-
In there ain’t gonna be no sequel. Roll em
Charlie
The gorilla on my gearshift was doubleheaded,
twindicked and growing every minute.. Problem was I had flipped off The Seattle
Scene and hustled to NYC…destined in my mind to take The Butt Naked City by
storm…Shit, I had my press clippings, a few con- tacts, and my…and my…and my
head was handed back to me on a used paper plate…
And here I was in Seattle again…six months
later with barely the crack in my ass to call my own…so it was next to
impossible to be seen on Capital Hill hanging…Not with my
Mighty Joe Young Rodan rep of No Talking Man
All Action hovering like a freaking policecopter in the sky…Everyone’s face
seemed to laugh…
Spoken word c.d.? Your something?
Christ, you back seat drivers…just let me ease
the pedal from the floor…swig a Mickey’s
zone
to a show or get crazy with a pagan lady…without The Comet Squad vometing..
Backwards Is Omen.
And hit the deck here fizzzzzzzzz the rumors…
Fire One!
Sfx: WWWWWWhooooooooooshBOOM!
Junkie from Connecticut.
Fire Two!
SFX: WhooooooooooshBOOM!
Performed at CBGB”s. And didn’t Cindy
Lauper have you
Thrown outta Time
Café?
Fire Three!
SFX: WhoooooooooooooooshBOOM!
In your brain was done in Berlin. No,
Zurich.
Too weird as it may hound…despite all the
backstage baskerville bullshit. I didn’t wanna bolt from a town that had slowly
become home to me…Especially not after actionsizing Dark Atari in search of The
Big Payoff..No, I wasn’t gonna jet cause my ego had bitten off much much more
than I could possibly chew…
Oops looks like someone sunk there own battleship.
No how , no way …Strictly spit or swallow the taste of pain onmy way to the sound stage of Fame I’m Gonna Live Forever?…Cause in my previous regenerations I had been super fast eightysixed from Seattle’s alternative rags, The Stranger and The Rocket for pushing the envelope between fact and fiction…
Mary’s Danish “American Standard” in the
box..Me and my galpal
Roma had finished dining & dashing The
Broadway Grill..Over
Twenty bucks for half a sandwich, and two
beers I DON’T THINK SO!
I’m sitting this shit out…I’ve got no
opinion…None…I’m walking on
Thin ice at this place as it is…I’m putting
on hold my witty references to
Euroventuring or pelting rock gods with
ice…I’m canning my herbtainted
Descriptions of Raging Slab’s blazing Bedrock
Southern crunch..Nope ya
Ain’t getting one goddamn thing outta me except
this..If ya buy Dynamite
Monster Boogie Concert you’ll have less money
than before…If you don’t
You won’t…That’s it…It’s your move…It’s your
business..Not mine….
Leave me outta it…FUCK OFF
And once my pleas to every powerpop magazine
from A to Z about giving my new breed of gonzo a go go were venemously
denied…motorcruising this Magickal Mystery Machine Roadshow appears to be the
only I wander to kungfu…
FASTFORWARD
Vigilantes
of L.O.V.E.
“Make New
York Your Vacation City”
SFX; Braaaaaaaaaak Braaaaaaaaak
The phone was ringing off the hook…Jody wouldn’t
come outta the bathroom..She had locked herself in..Screaming like a fuckin
banshee..
Rewind
SFX; Braaaaaak Braaaaak
The phone was ringing off the hook…Jody
wouldn’t come outta the bathroom.. She had
Locked herself in..Screaming like a fucking
banshee…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!.
SFX; Braaaaaaaak Braaaaaak
I wasn’t gonna answer it…I knew who it
was…And I was in no mood to deal… Mr. Bard would have to make a housecall…in
person.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
SFX: Knock Knock
I open the door and Mr. Bard’s face is
contorted in the most bizarre structure ever architecured since Noah’s Ark..It’s
an almost impossible combination of anger, concern and sheer terror…
(softly)
Uh, no. She’s…uhm..
For the life of me it took every ounce of
strength not to shout ‘DEAD!”
Scanning
SFX: DZZZZZZZZZZtookchunkt!
Sorry that’s quite a different story…or is
it?
Rewind
Jody’s upset about the rent, Mr. Bard. Among other things.
Scanning
SFX; DZZZZZZZZZZZZtookchunkt!
FastForward
Rent controled. People have been here twenty
years or more.
That’s why their apartments are cheaper.
Yours just happens
Not to be. Don’t take it
personally.
But Mr. Bard there’s mice. A lot of ‘em.
Expect? You can’t go anywhere in New York
and not find
Mice. The exterminator comes once a week.
Call the front
Desk and have Jerry put your name on the
list. But we can’t
Have that screaming. Your neighbors are
complaining. It’s
Scaring the children. They wanted me to call
the police.
Like they wanted us here anyway.
Don’t worry about them. I’m trying to accommodate
you
Two as best I can and keep you out of
trouble. I think it
Would be great if another novel was written
in the hotel.
Work it out.
(closing door)
Okay Okay
After listening to him briskly walk away it
dawns on me how everything in the bathroom was too quiet…The last time Jody
locked herself in…
Rewind
Frightened yet pissed beyond belief I had
yelled…
BLADES ARE PRETTY DULL!
That got results…
DICK! ASSHOLE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSHOLE!
FastForward
I couldn’t blame her for being upset about
the rent…It’s ridculous..$1,675 a month and that’s not including the money for
cabs, money for food, money for clothes
Agatha NYC Custom Leather!
Money money money…Jody was dancing up a storm at Ten’s like only she can do.. though the recent reading of the rocknroll reichter scale was piss poor…The wallstreeters were looking, touching, talking…but not paying…Negotiations with Rob Kenner at Vibe about a highrollers hustling feature on Ted Joans, the chocolate siddy side of The Original Beat Experience were going straight to nowheresville…even though Darius had reccomended me..I still hadn’t finished sending Goo Goo Muck # Bleed to every victim on the mailing list…And I had to powerpopppoe another issue soon..My You Are A Manic Depressant Loser For Life So Here’s Your Backpay check from Uncle Sam was vaporware…the last of it having gone to JodyCat and I’s brief boogie nights abroad… And as any wild times witch will bippety boppety boo ya bopping at Disneyland Paris, getting wicked aled in London Pubs, or bicycling in the Versaille Gardens are pleasant memories that ain’t gonna pay the bills..yet
(rapraprapping at the chamber door)
Jody?
No answer.
The Village Grill.
No answer.
You love those onion rings.
No answer.
And then we can get a video. Maybe even Grease.
Slowly the bathroom door opened…and Jody
limped out…her face streaked clean from the wet…Aproaching cautiously…oh so
cautiously…I softcelled a kiss on her forehead.. She let out a tortured
sigh…then we embraced…
(pouting)
I still hate you.
Well I hate you.
(smiling)
REWIND
Odds &
Endsville
“ Dead
Kennedys Can Dance”
Claremont,
CA 3.89
Springbreak…Pomona College..Silke’s in San Jose visiting her former employers… some elite chic Silicon Valley couple…Kramer and Rachel are trying to rent a car for our x-laced Desitination Disneyland..and I’m with Xander doing The Usual…
SFX: Sssssssssssssssssssssssuck
He passes me the pipe…
SFX; sSSSSSSSSSSuck
(without hesitation)
Have to live up to either
one’s legend. Then be reincarnated
As a Texaco gas attendant who said “ Fuck Hollywood And
Politics” and in my
spare time jam on the Ukele and finally
Solve Rubick’s cube.
I pass the pipe…
SFX; sSSSSSSuck
No doubt. No doubt.
FAST FORWARD
MotoDegenerate
“Panel 9 From Outer Space”
Grant’s Pass, Oregon 9.94
Slurp a few Hamms goodbye and ponder the plan..Gotta get to Gotham before the twentysixth and megablast Maggie Estep at CMJ, the annual college music marathon…
…For
reasons unknown, The Fates summonsed her from the bowels of the lower east
side..crowning her as The Spoken Word Set’s reigning queen…Could it be those
yum
fuckmehardlips..or
the husky cumhithergrrrrrrrrowl…Gosh ya got me…We crossed paths a few times
this winter…me invading her crib on Fifth St….A bum’s stumble from
Sophie’s…boozed on McSorley’s whambammalammin her with my Richard Hell..hopin
she’d smell past the sauce and see I was hungry for her touch…
Maggie
kindly listened to my rants…like she really ever had a choice…I was
strategically blocking her exit stage fright…admitted they were good…but not
once did she invite me to a gig with her troupe…Okay so Maggie did ask me to
appear in her video her product pimp daddies were shooting for MTV…though only
after the vid was in the can did some production grunt inform me my services
were not desired…Weeks later I iniated the kiss and makeup…No sum sum
summertime sex me session..strictly a cash transaction..I was madly jonzing for
the green trying to catch a flight…any flight
Ppppplllllllllllease.
Back to the Wild West after Marvel Comics mismanaged me an advance for my Onyx storyline…Maggie lined this kid’s pockets and I thought that was the end of that…so imagine my Michele Shocked when meeting her at Lollapalooza a few days ago Maggie did the
Riccohetrabbitin around the revival tent evily
informing
To the selfproclaimed Dictators Of Prose…and as I approached the stage…a Lollapaloser jumped in front of me covering the mike and shook his head No…Thus preventing me from stardog championing the poetry slam…A win I could have won and gone straight to the centerstage..A prop I needed to keep the G.G. Allin alive…Good thing my Arnets shielded the Oh My God I’ve Just Been Fucked look…Maybe Maggie figured I was a deadbeat for not paying back the forty bux…or maybe she assumed I was jumping her Full Circle train after approaching Jason Solomon, Maggie and Denis Leary’s manager.. Shit I figured if Leary could rant about Cindy, siggyrets and sin and still could get paid.. SO CAN I ….Check this out…Betcha thought I was a beatnik wannabe..Bore ya to beer with some bullshit poetry…swingsing the same-o lame-o about tree, recycables and
All emotional…a realtearjerker…well, JERK THIS…I’ve got one emotion..I’m way pissed…I know one poem….Eeeenie Meeenie Mineee Mo…Catch a tiger by the toe..Catch a tiger by the toe?…G. You’re
Fastforward
Stupid!
Stupid! Stupid!
Rewind
Totally Fucking
Stupid!
Stupid! Stupid!
End
of you..end of poem..Who knows?..Maybe she..OH WHO CARES…Let Maggie have her
holiday in the sun…It’ll come to a grinding halt soon enough…Her vid didn’t see
heavy rotation…Her c.d. sin’t breaking any records..like it ever would..and her
book what’s the title?…Rants In My Pants will be fodder for The Strand’s
remainder bins since Darius isn’t ghostwriting her material anymore…So I’ll
leave well enough alone..The bitch just betta not interrupt The Kid’s input
anymore is all I know..Cuz I’m.. The big blackbooted shimmyshake Lil Lord
Flauntleroy…Mightier than Mount Rushmore… Wylee Coyote Top Kattin Def Of
Kool…Captain of funky spaceways housing the galaxies..coating the cosmos with
my kinda hongkong phooey hoodoo…Righteous rocketship fillerupped by a reality
choking plentipussy stroking Hollywood Shakespeare
Wordspeak…Threesixty
in hand…my plan is to boldly deliver the downtrodden from the fiendish
grrrrrrip of money lovin huggin and touchin squaredancin Freds..Breaking their chains
with supersonic Fishbonin Kerocac rap…and that’s the fax, Jack..Get it..Got
it.. cause The Kid is gone…so fucking gone..
REWIND
Odds & Endsville
“Going To Grandma’s House”
Puerto Escondido, Mexico 1,89
A
couple weeks before graduation finds Our Reluctant Hero and his high school pal
Joe Mellilo cruising to Hackettstown, NJ, Destination..Who cares?..Topic of
conversation…
DUH…
When his guard’s down.
Have known something was up when he let me
drive the golf
Cart. Dad usually freaks if I even look like
I’m gonna ask.
He’s still not over the
time Trip and I almost had a head on
Collision with the Police Chief in Whiteville,
North Carolina
Editor’s Note: I finally weasled some
reality outta Mr. Nothing But The Hole Truth about the above and they really
almost drove the cart in the pond..Except for the notable exception of Norwalk
Police Dept’s Paul Stevens it seems Nemo has a severe problem with uniformed
figures of authority that are never available when they’re needed, rarely have
anything nice to say and will shoot a defenseless African American male 42times
and then have the Gulliani admistration softsoap it with this fantastic tale
about a black serial rapist whose only confessed to four of the 51 charges…And
in this rare occasion I must agree with him..But Nemo..NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU
STAYING AT MY PLACE! GET A CENSORED CENSORED JOB LIKE THE REST OF US YOU STARRY
EYED DREAMER!
Whiteville?
Significant trauma yes.
Teach me how to drive. But No it’s hit the
road Jack don’tcha
Ever come back. Later that night trying to
soften the blow with
How it’s a great opportunity to discover my
heritage.
Steady Eddie talking about black culture? That’s new.
He lifted from the Cosby Show. Theo I’m not
though. So I
Turned down the Led Zepplein..
Put away your Surfer magazine.
Want me
outta the house. Him catching me putting on Tanya’s
Lipstick was the last straw I guess.
So why didn’t ya know do one of your
numbers and blind
Him with science?
Like I didn’t. I told him I
was gonna get a job and looking
Forward to spend the summer growing as a
person and
Getting to know Sonia better.
Joe gives him a look of disgust.
And you too homo. Though he kinda convinced me to leave.
(mumbling)
Rent’s due in a month if I don’t.
(laughing)
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Whatever
Ales Ya”
London,
England 10.88
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHere’s Nemo…Ha Ha I’ve
arrived…Sitting in Carter Hall’s café sipping Stripes…Bizarre banana flavored
milk drink…SFX are Echo & The Bunny- man and New Order…Yeehaw…Now where’s
the warm leatherette?..Surprised to have made it…For a second there I thought
I’d do an unmerry go round back to JFK cause The
Inhuman Glob “manning” Customs was getting
its jollys by giving me the third degree…
(flashing
Eurorail Pass)
Dude you can take a semester off…in America.
Yeah.
The Inhuman Glob finally stamped my passport
and let me thru…Is this an omen of what’s in store…I hope the fuck not…Took
British Rail…first class no less…And headed for the youth hostel…Pathetic must
have been heavily etch-a-sketch-ed on my mug cause the bus driver didn’t
collect my fare…Get this space cadets…Room#5…
Bed #CENSORED…eeegahds…I entered the room
twisting like Oliver thru a Lids-ville of Virginia Atlantic jetlag…dragging my
army duffelbag loaded with unnecessary necessities and there’s mile after mile
after mile after mile after mile…
Of steel frames and lumpy mattresseses…all
the scruffy wankers freezeframing their melodymakerthefacei.d.s in order to gawk
at
The new kid in town.
No one says a word…of course I needn’t remind
you I’m the only African American in the joint…No time to consult “Let’s
Go”…too tired to even faint..What to do?…what to do?…
In a matter of seconds I have five new
friends…
REWIND
Don’t forget to add missing paragrah
Nothing But
Lipstick
“Hughes
Patrol”
SFX: Screeeeeeeeeech!
Kisskiss…Girl’s looking good…How the fuck did
I get so lucky…
SFX; Vrrrrooooom!
Faster
faster…the conversation consists of frantic shrieks of ..where’s the mixed
tape…let me have a sip…ohmygawd you’ll never guess what happened at work today
Faster
faster….then Rebecca can think of a purchase to plop on Alan’s credit card
we’re FDRthriving…Manhattan’s ominous carnival of electric candlelights beckon
for more speed…faster faster…sticking to my role as The Eternal Fool…I’ve
consumed too much Mickey’s and I’m about to wet my…
No, I’ve gotta pee bad.
You’re such a bitch. If I get a ticket, you’re paying for it.
SFX: Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!
(laughing
at her friend)
Did you hear that? He said pee.
One
long…PISS…later and a few air kisses to Kevy…we’re back in the gomode…
Faster
faster…First stop, The Ritz to pickup the tickets…at the box office the
alternagirl
Asks
me the usual future easy street…
(madly
purring)
Don’t I wish.
Faster Faster…somehow we make it to Candace’s
L.E.S apartment and I see her for the first time in years…She’s blossomed from
a cuddly high school heartbreaker into a groovy movie scenetress in the thick
of NYC’s endless one night Grand Hotel stands…
Introductions…grab a few brewha!ha!s…
So what’s that mean? Good.
I tell her we’ll return after the show…faster
faster…chugaluglug…rap rap rap..Music… rap rap rap…music..faster faster…and
soon my faith gives birth to fear cause I’m drunk as a skunk and my spidey
sense is outta sync with the cosmos…Translation… Can’t find The Ritz…Kevin’s
circling block after block while giving me that Gee Nemo This Dumb Manuever Is
Really Gonna Get Me Laid face…Each street appears to be the right
direction…until we faster faster faster down it of course…
This Is Not Television.
Kevin’s so scattered…he forgets himself and
asks The Almighty to intervene…Hmmm.. go figure…Friday the 13th turns out to be our night though…The car
thrills around the next corner…and there is The Temple Of Sin and a place to
Inside time to get a new religion…beautiful
club fashionistas are huddled in dark corners making battle plans for weekend
anarchy…being merry for tomorrow we might all
Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie…The
energy is…Throb of machine…Prince Of Darkness… The energy is…Throb of the
machine…Prince Of Darkness…
This Is Not Television.
Eventually
A.P.B. takes the stage…I’m carressing Rebecca…yes she’s so smooth… Recklessly I
nuzzle her neck…waaaaarm…waaaaarm…Tongue her ear…Her hand grabs my thigh…The
energy is…Throb of machine…Prince of Darkness…Circuits activated… Wallsssss of
Jericho…The magick summons me elsewhere…I leave Rebecca’s side… Vizz Erica and
Tori regulars from The Café…a festive Saturday Night fever inside a Greenwich
church…but they’re a known factor and I’ve been infested by a rude that desires
something new…I brush up against this total stranger…She turns around smiling..
and we begin to kiss with a casualness that’s pure robot logic…Tongues in
mouths… teeth on lips…and in a few minutes we part…no names…no numbers…The
energy is…
Throb
of the machine..Prince Of Darkness..Thoughtlessly climbing the stairs I search
for another Alice In Wonderland ready and willing to be preyed upon…It doesn’t
take long...
And
early the next morning as we fastback to our pretty suburban oblivion…I read
the scrap of paper she placed in my pocket…Her name is Christina..
FAST FORWARD
Vigilantes
Of L.O.V.E.
“I’ve Got
This Friend You See”
NYC 3.97
Got dirt?…Give it to us…Goo Goo Muck…Psycho Action Sex Noir Junkfood Jive… Have a sneaking suspicion your neighbors are alien robot monsters?…Does your landlord resemble the Green River Killer?…Has Evil Coporation X axed your weird science project?…Well here’s your chance for monsta payback…Send a typed letter…Anony- mously if you must…to our secret headquarters…sssssssssssssssh!…Here at The Chelsea Hotel..As in Sid & Nancy, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Nico, William Burroughs, Andy Warhol, DUH…or beam us at thosedarnkidz@wynd.net… we’ll chuck your noise in the mix and a mere $6.66 will bring results to your door…No fuss no muss..It’s mo easier than getting laid…with no funny aftertaste…hey hey hey kiddies don’t delay..just scooby voodoo it today…Goo Goo Muck…Tough Fucking Shit…Yet another wholesome family product from…Those Darn Kidz…
REWIND
MotoDegenerate
“Brave New
Door”
Grant’s
Pass, Oregon 9.94
Back in Seattle…Adam Greenfield is the editor
of NEO…a new entertainment monthly
That’s not the problem …What’s got me going
is his insistence on being a pompous prick..You would have never known this was
the same skinhead who helped me rip off books from Shakespeare & Co…In
Paris…1989 was that time of that Euroride… my second in less than a year…Adam,
his NYU dudemate Jamie and I were squatting at the Association Of Protestant
Students youth hostel…trying to ease our summer of discon- tent at being
“priveleged” youth…loving and hating every minute of it…At first we avoided
each other but one afternoon Adam borrowed my P.E. “It’ll Take A Nation Of
Millions To Hold Us Back”…and the dropsquad was off and running…Eliminating…
Fumigating…lying and reveiling…Kafka cranked ruffians roughhousing The Louvre…
From West Philly at the speed of thunder.
My plane and there’ll be some dude with
a long list of crimes
I’ve committed in the past month
Giving homage to William Gibson in the middle of The Metro..Luxembourg Gardens lazing while yomamain Continental babes…At Jim Morrison’s grave in Pere Lachaise Adam shrieked away the Eurohippies…Jamie scribbled “ Dig up the bones and toss them in the salad” on the tombstone…while I borrowed a pair of sunglasses some Go-Your Own Way left for The Lizard King…After mentioning he had finished an internship at Spin…I shoved my scrawl in Adam’s face…He was the first American I had shown my writing to after it took that Weird Is Relativity detour one night in Frankfurt…Space casin to a Butthole Surfers bootleg, I had let my mind forget about Silke and….
SFX: Bwaaaaaang
I
was where no nigga had gone before…so of course I’m gonna be pissed he’s giving
me shit about it now…We conversed a few days before I left town and Adam said
he’d consider if my devil inside fit their format…mentioning right before
slamming down the receiver he was being interviewed by NPR about youth
culture…Great Adam talking about The Kid’s Government a long way away from the
pavement…Lighten the load pal..lose those jockey shorts and let your dick
dangle in the wind..just like I’m doing…
DDDDDDDDDDAMN
when you zoom into these small towns…and vizz these well developed white trash
grrrlygirls…Butts geeforced into them teez and jeans…when you get a smell of
female after shredding the envelope on your burly big wheel all day… Breathin
in those annihilating fumes of power premium…Way To Go Texaco.. And the
caffeine and the nicotine…you greed a hankering you get a hungerin…and you
wanna.. and you wanna…and you wanna get dirty and vile and drag down some
innocent girl and defile her…ride her like she’s never been ridden before…Make
that sweetbackwoods thang pleadin, needin, the popgothambang!bang!…good god
every inch of her pretty pink tattoo with your black dick…knowing when you’re
thru she’s never gonna be Daddy’s lil girl no more…AINT’ GONNA BE DADDY’S LIL
GIRL NO MORE…
FAST FORWARD
San
Francisco, CA 4.95
Nights of twisted haight…JodyCat And
Me…letting the rythmn take control…Nisssssan Sentra
Red…Destination…1015…Release…We’re on a mission..
Is there any better way to die?
This is our moonlight madness…this is our
orange crush…B.O.B. has the E… The man with the product to power your push…
You know I’m good for it.
But
he’s a tough sale…The week has been rough…B.O.B’s car had beentotaled…Almost got
popped by the cops when he and his crew were tagging trashcans with spraycans
of pain…of identity…of character…then the ultimate knightmare…Evicted outta the
Pleasure Princess’s Palace…and his dreams of Jeannie are 5000 feet and
climbing… Jody’s got the right number sketched on her forehead
though…1-800-I-Am The Scene
…so
B.O.B. gives her the discount…Two pills popped…and we’re off and running in a
Nissssssssssan Sentra Red…
(waving
her hand)
Relax.
Outside the club…lovely party animals streak
piggley wiggley…clutching plastic cups of bitter..obeying the sirens of
Situation Go!…motormobiles revving…motormobiles running…psycholaughter…
I’ve got no cash.
Don’t worry I’ll get us in.
You two have The Look, Jody. Just tell him who you are.
Black sunshine and White Light rainbow round
the bend…Muscleman Danceman Door- man…
Five dollars, five dollars. Ain’t ya got five dollars.
It’s a deal cause the market’s priced at twenty a head..but the ATM machines are empty and we feel the need to fullforce now…Jody’s lingo language is correct…Her body deejays the mix he likes to listen to..And he lets us jet thru as the doors of perception open..WWWWWWWWWide…warehouse space…warehouse noise…and all her people are here…
REWIND
“ My
Brutha’s Cup”
Gershwin
Hotel NYC 3.94
It’s an early Monday mourning…It’s a late show Sunday nite…Not as late as it should be…Not as late as I want it to be…And I find myself alone again..Alone in this hotel room…But not as alone as I wanna be…Cause there’s a blacky fly abuzzin at the newly designed Mo Watts For The Money GE light bulb…It has decided not to take the night off..It’s gonna keep abuzzin and abuzzin…Make itself heard…Now or Never…The Fly The Fly…A servant of The Serpent…Footsoldier of The Wonderously Evil One… It wants to be a king of its kind…A Lord Of Flies…But it can’t count that high…Dreams of a winged sovergnity that will never be fulfilled…Never realized…Ain’t that a bitch.. And I pause, taking a long leak at Lucky Strike…Lucky, it ain’t either…cause outta all these siggyrets in this small package with the red bullseye scarred with pitch black lettering.. lettering of the abyss…I chose its dinky behind to meet an early death..
Death come unto thee. Death come closer to me.
And I wash down its ashy corpse that has lingered in my mouth…wash it down with luke warm cocoa…Cocoa made with Nestles Quik…Three heaping heapfuls will dooya… Hints of Vermont…Dying New England…Die Monsta Die…In this chocolatey flow… and I slowly bring myself back to reason…seeing I poured it in a blue Maxwell House mug…Blue the very same color my kidbrutha’s was…Back in them godawful Schooley Mountain daze of Come Again Lonesome…Blue was his cup…The Tupperware One.. The one I coveted…The one I wanted for my very own…Mine had been a green son of a bitch…Green…for that was my color…Had been…Yet I woke one morning to eat my Fruity Pebbles and skim milk…Skim Milk because my Moms was on another one of her sporadic health food MMMM MMMM good nutrious kicks again…And as the sugary shit blasted me into the Then and There…Into there here and now…I gazed over the wooden tabletop and for the first time I saw my brutha’s cup for what it really was… His Not mine…And oh how Trip laughed so with those grin perfect teeth of his…Grinned as he slurped the o.j. outta its bosom…Outta its depth…How he loved it so…blue blue blue I could think of nothing else except…
I have to have that cup gawddamnit.
Gawddamnit being an embellishment of mine cause in them yesteryears I never swore.. Though my Moms cursed like the blue wild demon that she was…That she is… That she will always be…And I am her son…All groanup now…I am her son..All alone now… And its gotta come out…My color crunch grew soggy as I plotted…As I schemed… As I fumed…As I fretted…and after a while I decided to let it be…let him have his cup… Mine was enough…Good enough for then…But not for now…
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Krazy
Kat’s Katzenjammer”
British
Rail Somewhere In The U.K. 10.88
Things To Accomplish In A Lifetime
1)
Fuck your girlfriend/boyfriend’s best friend
2)
Have a wonderously intense very public nervous
breakdown
3)
Do The Continental Hop
I’m not exactly keen on the first two…
It’s called a sense of humor. Ya might wanna steal one.
Number
three is currently in progress though…In my last rainy who the hell am I
skateaway to Westport…Amanda asked me what made me decided to go to London …I
was agressively nonchalant giving her the ole I’ve got the time and plenty of
cash tra la la I really wanted to say…Hey Amanda use that pretty prep school
brain protein of yours and figure it the fuck out..Rebecca broke up with me and
I’ve recently survived the absolute worst date of my life with Andrea…Maybe
Kramer has infected me with the rare and frightening disease of thinking I’m so
tragically hip when I’m downright boring-o…but the Gramercy Park Parson’s
School Of I’m So High All The Time So I Think I Can Design Girl So Groovy…or so
I thought…didn’t like Fishbone…
(towering
over me)
They’re like the worst band.
Couldn’t stand Jane’s Addiction…only owned
one rap album…had us leave “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” after I paid for both of
our tickets…And after shelling out cash I didn’t have for our italian dinner at
Grandpa’s in The Village told me I had an ego the size of The Towering Inferno…
And someone needs to put out the fire.
And
now your sister Samantha is refusing to rekindle our sixteen candles situation…
A post Psychedelic Furs general seating kiss kiss on the steps of Columbia
Library Wuthering Heights that climaxed into a UB40 & guests only Hartford
Hilton Saytyricon Yup Amanda the story of my life is its no secret history I’m
feeling far less than zero and this rule of unattraction american psycho
deserves a change of technicolor pulp.. brighter lights, bigger foreign
cities…whatcha think?
So its rather rewarding to share bottles of French white wine with these sumptious babes.. Sandy & Tina from Zurich, Switzerland…and Mom if you happen to read this someday I’m consuming mass quantities for purely medical reasons…
Honestly its numbing the pain in my left ear
which has been pierced by Sandy with her own earring…
I’ll get some ice.
SFX:
Staaaaaaab
Shit, it’s not going in.
SFX: Staaaaaaab
In Harrod’s downstairs pub no less…Hey a guy’s gotta live right?…Sandy’s blonde haired greeneyed and insatiably horny…She gave me the biggest case of blue balls when we made out for TWO hours at the hostel..I tried liberating my groaning scoti into her furry fantastic by sneaking back to my bed…all ready to geronimo primitive art poetry made visible…until some jealous loooooooooooser informed the Carter Hall five-oh…
No
matter…In York we’re gonna resume life in the fuck lane…
Sandy’s
not exactly the Euroteenangel I’ve been looking to score though…More like those
comely handmaiden types on Masterpiece Theatre with those exploding bosoms sly
smiles and rich vocabularies…Dad was quite thrilled Trip and I enjoyed his
show… completely unaware of our private agenda…hoping when Molly and Sarah bent
down to scrub the parlor floor we could catch a quik sneak peek of those
bodacious tahtahs.. Every Sunday missing out on Knight Rider turbo action for a
microsecond shot of tittie.. and it didn’t happen like clockwork…hell
no…sometimes it be months without any… Kit’s voice taunting us from downstairs
where Tanya and Tracey were zooming along with Michael…and Trip would sadly
look my way wondering if he had wasted precious telly time putting faith in
another one of my celebrated exercises in sheer stupidity.. heigtened by an
overconsumption of Moon Rocks and then..
SFX; BOOOOOINGO
Payday!…you can only imagine our enthusiasm when Dad took us to Broadway for The Royal Shakes peare Company’s production of “Nicholas Nicklesby”…we’re talking live and very much in the flesh…though of course we were in the nosebleed seats barely able to decipher who was what when where..much less
Breastises.
Slumberland’s brillant Brit Hussy…I dubbed her Elizabeth..fluxuated from a baudy hybrid of Nancy Spungen and The Queen to a fair bespectaled sprite in scuffed engineer boots…neck nearly strangled by a lusty rope of ebony cascading past her shoulders… head buried in a dusty volume of Poe…Lizzy and I’s love larger than a barge of Wimpy Deluxes…Human They Might Be Gigantic Gregarian Chants acidhousing thru The City.. Our impure passion powered by creamy nougat and hefty pints of Guiness..scorching the countryside…setting the hanging wash ablaze…run run running away to the land where Duran Duran singles never warped…Aaaaaah yes
I’ve got to use my imagination.
A vital accessory when you’re stuck in your room on punishment for the rest of the semester cause you needed something to sustain yourself between those premonitions of wild abandon…broke down and borrowed a wellworn issue of Cherry from Patrick Burke’s porno lending library..which you proceeded to unsucessfully hide behind a Time Magazine and read during Music Class…
(“genuinely
stunned”)
In The Metro North barcar on the way to the airport I had been blah blah blahing about my I’m Outta Here Trip Abroad And Curious Quest For That Girl…and this sloshed suit & tie belched over his Miller Lite how it would be impossible for me to fly like an eagle and find the Future Let’s Go All The Way Of My Life…sneering if I did and her name’s Elizabeth…he’d reimburse me for my stranger voyage…Maybe I should run a classified in The Times before I leave..” Unique Business Opportunity For Elizabeths”… shit what did I do with his card?…It was right here in my Filofax…That’s what I get for dreaming..
SEARCH SEARCH
“Beyonder”
The
IllumiVoid FuturePresentPast
I have dreams…Dreams invaded by The Fo’Ever Beings…The Shonuff Beyonders… The Yes Indeedy Eternals…Gigantic In Thought…In Word…In Action… Hundred Storey Bold Metals Of Kool Alright Creation…Ablaze With The Answer… An undivine nectar sucked from the sun of a million and one tomorrows…The Joy sparkling behind winter shades…And they have donned the uniform of destruction…They are clad in the skin of The Serpent…A skin ominous and richly black…Firstborn on the walls of The Abyss…Now Tightly wrapped around their souls…Reaching out they beckon me with one command..’FURTHER’..And I the wayward son…The one who will never return.. Shunned by his peoples..wary of himself…Stretch out my hand…and in less than a moment…this skin…this riverous sheet of strength consumes me..and I enter The Else where unafraid…For I am The Chosen One…the fast car and drive it…And I have a message…And that message is…’LET THE SEASON OF DESTRUCTION BEGIN”
FAST FORWARD
Mill
Valley, CA 9.94
Fuck
sixtyfive..Fuck the police…I’m going where I wanna go…When I wanna go… How fast
I wanna go…But maaaaaaaaaaaan when I get to L.A….I gotta get another leather cause
this jean jacket isn’t nearly enough to prevent Mr. Freeze from pop sicling my
ass…Hopefully Uncle Phil will download major dough so I can purchase some
fierce hardware…Chunky kamikaze…icy obsidian…soaring the stratosphere
gear…Phaht coal black rawhide O.G. machinery…XXXtra strength strong slickey
lickery heavymetal licorice…riproaring transglobal exploring siddy strutting
strap-on props that will stop a nuclear warhead in its tracks..Take for
instance my man Mad Max…he took a major asswhooping..one, two, three times…but
he floored the comp. Surviving in highstyley cause he was sporting the right
equipment…I’m talking leather..Kool props for kool ass kicking cats…
They’re grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat.
Roctober dreams last night…even for yours
truly…Fucking A…Must be the fallout from overdosing on Japanese manga with
Alexa before I left…
Could be my spideysense is warning me about New Orleans…Scheduled to be there in a week or two and contact Sallie Glassman…From what I could tell from our conversation she’s rad…Being a friend of Darius’ since highschool should be enough preparation to cope with my straightshootin”…Though considering she’s a voodoo priestess… I’ll keep the punkability to a miniumum…Salli mentioned I should attend one of the ceremonies.. I don’t know…The closest I’ve come to zeroin in on that weird science is sampling Dr. Snakeskin’s “ The Blackman’s Guide To Seducing White Women With The Amazing Power Of Voodoo” or vizzing Angel Heart…
Boogeying with the cock-a-doodle-doo out in the woods. Looked
Like y’all was having
some party.
As much as I’m hip about joining the pitcrew
of 5,6,7,8 I’ll have to think this ceremony deal over seriously before
committing myself…I sure as hell don’t need anymore sinister slowing me
down..cause I’ve learned the hardway noone’s around when my Jefferson St.
Starship need refueling…
You’re finally learning. Good show mate.
For instance…where the hell is Guy?…He and
Inga are nowhere to be seen…Probably weedheaded at The Camp Davis trying to
eightysix their biological rage…Guy’s gonna receive a dose of mine when he
makes his cameo appearance…Granted I’m hanging at his Mom for free…No one
hassling me while I chainsmoke my way into an early grave… but this boy still
has issues..
Suburbia and Religion are the true agents of Evil…Sit home and rot in the wilds of sobriety getting high off The Lord…Make no mistake about it…From the moment we’re spluttered outta Momma’s matter of fact…kids like Guy and me are trapped in its bubble of lies…forcefed technicolor myths of canned laughter happily ever after until the ‘rents dropkicked us off Mount Brady Bunch…slamdunked into this cruel world suckdown that has no tolerance whatsoever for visionary speed buggys..no tolerance until you’ve mainstreamed your pain and sexuality into an easily packakged product Corporation x can hype to absolute beginners…How else can Mr Fortune 500 keep his darling Ken and Barbie in strawberry fields forever while they tool around Elite. U getting a degree they don’t even need…Hey Bratpack your Daddy-0 already owns the superhighway of dis information…How about letting us snag a ride?…
Got a heart like
crime down in my soul
Yet I’m at a crossroads cause jeepers
creepers…POVERTY SUCKS!..at least Guy doesn’t have to get hip to this part of
the bohemian experience…He’s got bucks and his band, Sage…Last year me and the
boys fueled with their
Masturbatory jackit.
Lazy acidranch hit the highway…it was
springtime…Sage’s first westcoast tour and I was ready to roadie..Roadie in the
loosest sense of the word since they didn’t need me for shit…
(flabbergasted)
You mean you’ve got no money.
(showing press pass)
What do I need money for? I’ve got this.
But
like the crazykooldoods they are..Mike and Marc let me tag along anyhow… I
should say like the crazykooldoods they were..cause now Capitol Records has
been pumping cash into Will Records…and we know how money changes
everything…yet even if they succumb to the dreaded rock god disease I’ll still
owe em considering my poetic anarchy chaosed their Hollywood Hills
schmooze-a-rama…letting my fanboy creep blindside common sense..I unknowingly
challenged the Interscope A&R rep’s own treasure trove of trivia..but damn
was it my fault the itty bitty ditty on the FM was Charles Mingus… Can I be
blamed cause Anna couldn’t identify it after boasting she knew every single
track recorded since the death of Christ…And geez how was I supposed to know
Bill Bentley, the head of Sire Publicity was Anna’s former boyfriend
The same piece of shit who dissed my request
to have Dinosaur Jr reminisce about their favorite Saturday Morning Cartoons…
(arrogantly
over the speaker phone)
How was I supposed to know…hey hash has a
strange effect on people and Anna’s Cop Shoot Cop publicity boy toy passed the
pipe..but it was her world at the time and we were leasing space…a fact the
guys were so kind to remind me as they loaded my butt on a Greyhound heading to
San Francisco
(sadly)
Yeah sure I dastardly dick a dandy imitation of a loose cannon… yet that sure as shit doesn’t excuse Guy for this latest b.s. manuever…In July Inga and he took me out to dinner after another low rent gig at the O.K. Hotel…Over tofu burgers, Guy surprised me by saying he wanted to accompany his vicious bass verve with my spookspeek.. A week later with Steve Demars help we got together at the Odd Fellows Temple…rehearsed a coupla numbers, making plans to bring the noise again sometime soon…then I never heard a word about it from Guy again…He compensated by worming me onto the Hemp- fest in August…I oogedyboogedy ha ha’d to a tiedyed sea of stoned muthaphuckas… a horrorcaust of epic opportunity…Granted only after I guilttripped his ass the night before while The Critters were buggin…and its got me more thanslightly confused since Guy’s one of the few white cats in the Seattle Scene who can let go of their ego and give the Black Rock Mafia a snatch at the action …and considering the common ground he, Inga and I have karma chameleoned over the last two years…I figured we were friends enough to be brutally honest with each other…what else are friends for?…Geez this flavor of the month stuff doesn’t fly…at all..
Knowing I’d
believe
All of your
promises
You knew
you’d never keep
And fucking A…I gotta get The Beast a new chain and I’m broke…Maybe if I plant this dollar in the backyard tonight…smother myself in Hubard’s Shoe Grease and Marsh – mellow fluff while dancing buttnaked to “Sid Sings”…I’ll be back in the green before counting to thirteen…Betta yet…I’ll plead to Guy’s mom for a loan…Andrea’s fully loaded like a .45…Forget this starving artist routine…I’ve learned the ABC’s of Life… A is for the Assinine you’re gonna look like when you B, Butt is being hit & run by Reality if you ain’t got plenty of C-A-S-H…cashmoneymoney…It’s what gets your biz in motion …it’s the sheening greening that gives Life more meaning…the jinglejangle that covers every angle…It’s the common denominator of all the people on the cover of People… It’s what seperates the bohos buying a doublemocha with a shot of soymilk, dash of vanilla from the losers sipping coffee, black, no cream, no sugar…NO REFILL
REWIND
Nothing But
Lipstick
Norwalk,
CT. 3.87
I
SAW IT…John Hughes latest “ Some Kind Of Wonderful”…It’s simply “Pretty In
Pink” with a different ending…the one everyone wanted…the misfit artiste boy and
bitchin betty blowtorch get together…and the piece of resistance is I got to
watch it with Rebecca…and damn was I prepared…Wore this righteous jacket I
designed the night before…Blasting New Order I took a black Judge Dredd
t-shirt, cut out the graphics and stapled it to the back of an old plaid dress
jacket…I felt like Molly when she made- mosiselled that fantastically mod prom
dress..Was it fierce enough though?… Needed a test subject…needed a test
reaction…who else was up to the job except…
She was in the kitchen cooking when I
immerged from the Dungeon
SFX: Errrrrrrrrrnt!
And seeing me so sweetback badasssss
oi…Grandma almost dropped her Harlequin Romance in the bubbling pot of..who
knows…at least it tasted good…Usually
Do you insist on dressing like that?
I’ve bought you
Nice clothes.
Cause I’m nineteen.
Something. That’s alright. I’m gonna
have a talk with
Your father.
(sighing)
Your hands.
I have one.
Real one with benefits.
I can’t write working fulltime.
Taaaah writing. Don’t think I
forgot about you paying
Rent. Your Grandfather and I can
get alotta money for that
Room downstairs.
You get your lil check and spend it on
Whatever you feel like. Not once
do you say “Grandma
Here’s a lil something.
(kissing
her on the cheek)
Here Grandma, here’s a lil something.
Nigga you’d betta get outta my face.
Mission accomplished…Outside on the porch
waiting for Kevin…
I hope he
never lets me down again.
So we had a rad evening…only one thing ruining it…When we dropped Rebecca off, I decided to be gallant, walk her to the front door and…
SFX; Budda Budda boom thump thump
Her Daddy-0 came sprinting up the stairs at breakneck speed…opening the door and ruining my chance for a parting smooch…Totally tacky…it’s like he didn’t want me to kiss his daughter on his front step..and here I thought he was cool about the color thing.. Should have known…Should have known…The next day on “my break”, I went over to American Eagle Outfitters and asked Rebecca about Allan’s strange behavior…And she said she had stayed awake for a long while asking herself the same question…
I mean he’s never done that before.
Guess you’ll find yourself doing rather…shall
we say…different general motoring when your babygirl is going out with a
Fill in the gawddamn blank.
Saturday night dawned on my disintegration
And I was arranging the make believe to slip away
to Gotham Siddy and see Christina.. I had called her last week, nervous as no
future…not knowing what to expect…Did she stiff me with the wrong digits or
worse would her Father answer the phone…
(growling)
I know what you think you’re gonna do this summer.
SFX ZOINK$!
Though Christina’s sexy synth yahaha’d on the
other end and all the guilty thoughts of cheating on Rebecca were kinda
(cyborgishly)
Could you please hold.
Too
bad it was raining and Lyle had forgotten to bring in my skateboard… Factors
crucial in reviving my lovey dovey mood to mope at Rebecca’s…I even tried
giving my Mighty Lemon Drops tickets away…I decided to go anyway because
Connecticut was closing in…Moby wouldn’t be spinning at The Café…and oh yeah…A
PROMISE IS A PROMISE…Arriving at our designated drunken stupor spot…27th
& 3rd…I expected Christina not to show…And holycowlikewow there
she was…Hello Gorgeous in black wanting to be seen with me…Hello Gorgeous in
black wanting to play with me… Hello Gorgeous in black with extremely tall
friend in tow looking mean at me..HUH?
Nemo, I’d like you to meet Flo.
(ignoring
me)
Getting soaked.
Time for some soothing brass monkey..an elementary
element needed to deal with This Annoying Adlib…Pretty soon Christina and I
were chugging Jack Daniels..striking up Camels…locking lips…swapping spit…until
Flo couldn’t contain her displeasure any more…
With with him. He’ll only use you.
Now for all you morons I’ll lay out the
equation…Rude Noisy Third Wheel Interfering With Hyped To The Max Hormones Of
An Infinitely Creative Doomsday
Obssessed Constantly Depressed Forever Misunderstood Teenage Wage Slave Stuck
In A Stifling Suburban Hood Trying To Enjoy Himself equals
And
I did it in Antique Boutique…throwing and kicking things…I’m the bad guy right?
Might as well keep true to form….soon everyone was upset…Christina came to the
rescue and said we all should forgive
forget and jet to The Ritz…one weepy group hug later we were outside the club,
waiting in line…and Joe Christ I had to take another un-planned piss…I whizzed
around the corner where there was a convient wall…and proceeded to relieve
myself…BAAAD TIMING…cause who should
SFX:
BAMF!
Right
behind me but two of NYPD’s Boys In Blue…
And since the whiz was in full swing
I couldn’t whip my schwing back in its cave
as fast as he liked…
Fine, I’m taking you in.
SFX: ZOINK$!
Look dood I stopped.
(Snitching
in walkie talkie)
It’s not dood. It’s officer.
Officer sir, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.
I’m sorry. Really.
This totally uncharacteristic display of
authority asskissing went on for another minute… and I STILL was making no
headway until Christina and Flo appeared like magick…
Officer, he’s with us.
Yeah he is.
Gets into some serious trouble.
(turning towards me)
Fine you’re off the hook.
Thank you officer it won’t happen again.
Geez I’m not gonna tell anybody about that…
FAST FORWARD
Odds &
Endsville
“Motel
Nirvana. All Colored Guests Please Use The Back Entrance. The Management”
Yo Darius
“the things that I had not ought to do
Wotthehell wotthehell”
- don marquis
Okay
so my bullshit Canon Typestar fucked up…some of us prose ho’in niggas aren’t
fortunate enough to have a Powerbook…but as my Dad says “ You want everything
handed to you on a silver platter”…No Dad, try gold…24 Carrot…Can’t bitch to
much cause this portable baby has gotten me thru rough times…without it this
past winter there wouldn’t have been anything between me noggin and the cold
concrete when I was cribb-ing in the REI parking lot…I think my wiggy factor
has increased due to those extremely frigid daze in March when I actually felt
the blood in my brainium freeze…
SFX:
VVVVVzzzzzzzkkkrunch stiff stuff
That’s why I’m heading to San Francisco at the beginning of ’94…cause if I’m stranded in The Great Outdoors again…at least the artsy fartsy angst in me will be satisified… I hope Sonic Youth’s new release will be betta than their last cause “Dirt” was slacking… too much catered crap and press clippings kinda do that…Franl Black’s a perfect example…Though I don’t think the bitch appreciated me yelling that on the top of my Godgiven galaxy blasting lungs during his set at The Moore Theatre…And I wonder why Madison at Monquie Presents is reluctant to comp me for anymore shows…Aaaawww poor Frankie baby…Reverend Horton Heat blew him back into the arms of his Pixies playmates…No doubt…Frank thanks for playing but its time to give up the spotlight for The Next Big Thing….ME…haha…Come on you knew I was gonna work it back to yours truly...I’ve gotta machine to build..Let go of my ego fucka…Wipe your eyes with your new J. Crew purchase…Nurse on your American Express Platnium to ease the pain.. Just get outta my face…Sorry man, as you can vizz I have a few things to work out… Gotta getta handle on my sonic scream or else The New Teen Titans are gonna revoke my membership…Nightwing…HA!..I’ve got three words for him…Thesaurus and Urban Outfitters…yeah don’t think I’m gonna kiss your weird nigga booty cause you schlepped me a coupla contacts…NAAAh The Kid ain’t going out like that…Though I might con-sider it for a Fab Five Freddy recommendation on phatass stationary…Anyway thanks for “Negrophobia”…and tell Arthur at The Portable Lower Eastside to include “WUZ” in the Grove Press “Low Rent” compilation…A few years from now they’ll be glad they had “The Foresight To See His Emerging Major Talent Technique”…yesssss despite all the nomeansno a nigga can still dream…I gotta get going my oatmeal’s lonely…
FASTFORWARD
MotoDegenerate
“Nostradamus
Listening”
Boosted a copy of Tom Robbins “Even Cowgirls
Get The Blues” from The Depot Café/ Bookstore downtown…shoved it in my pants…
I walked right
thru the door
Wanted to lift “Cyberia” or “Speed Tribes” but unlike paperbacks…hardcovers dig into your groain bigtime…and if you have to make a sudden last exit to brooklyn those edges rip right into your thighs…
SFX: SSSSSSSSlice…Awwwaaaaugh
And you’ll be walking funny for weeks…
Quite a serious date…
Besides Uma was on the cover…
(staring
intensely)
Take me.
And
shucks Sissy is the definitive sexfiend do or die roadkill kitty I’m honin in
on… why is it the only women I can relate to are femme fatale fiction
fucks…Social skills failing ?
Well
spacecadets fear not…Here’s a great way to jumpstart a relationship…Simply
relate to the opposite sex by touching base with America’s overabundance of
titalizing popcul-ture…Have the two interested parties compile a list of their
favorite network shows… and if they match…Time to slomo the flowgo…Mine include
Seinfield, Animaniacs, The Monkees, Sandford & Son, I Spy, The Avengers and
The Prisoner…yeah for such a literary wannabe I’m quite the t.v. geek
People say we monkey around
But we’re
too busy singing
To put anybody down
Wish a song could solve my sensitive skin problem…Ever since Marnie, my Vassar lovelylove left yours truly on the Kyuss junkheap weeping…each woman I’ve encountered lately ends up relieving their aggression on my undernourished ego…Its not exactly a stomp…more like a premediated…
SFX: GGGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrind!
I swear it must feel so good to them cause I’ve seen the tears wet the backs of their Raybans when they realize there isn’t anything left to destroy…Maybe I reek of vulnerablity or I’m sadistically asking to be punished for frequent flyer fuckups… like the time I held Trip’s G.I. Joe hostage…demanding in return his cherished Empire Strikes Back bedspread…and “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers” fotonovel…all I know is I’m getting the muthaload payback position downpat…I gotta be the Grand Puba of relationship mismanagement…My first one was a real doozy…12 inches tall and I had the hots for Judy Garland…or more like Dorothy in MGM’s “Wizard of Oz”…Singing to Toto how she wanted to go over the rainbow…well wish upon a star and there you are… STILL WISHING….Judy got what she wanted though…She went over the rainbow and six feet under…Betcha if she had to do it all over again she’d be singing a new tune like
“I
Wanna Live”…Hook up with Joey and whoever else is in the Ramones lineup this
week and Hole her heart out…A gritty grrrove bursting with booming bass…
storming the stage in her Hilfiger hoodie chanting
I’m a gangsta bitch.
You know I don’t ask for much…wait…I take
that back…Rewind…I sure do…But it would have been nice for someone…anyone…to
have informed me Judy was resting in the eternal Emerald City before this lil
Afronaut boasted to his fellow thirdgraders… She and I had plans of flying to
Disneyworld for KoolAid and graham crackers with Donald Duck…
(hugging
me)
The scarecrow’s coming over for dinner.
Okay you go outside and play.
Then there was this fling this past summer
with Chelsea…Liar roseberry…Egyptian hip swing heiress…Repoman vinyl
possesor…Bodysuited in a foolscake frosting…Cruise siddy grrl that’s a she…but
could be a he when the lights go out…
DDDDDDDamn dog, you got the power.
I
was trying for this updated Sid & Nancy word imperfect program…but
Chelsea’s too young…so full of life…I didn’t want to drag her down to my
sublevel…Besides every time I cornered her at Moe’s to read from “The Black
Arts” Chelsea would groan and sink into her siggyret…And I was too embarrassed
to resume The Wacky Racers Wonder
Rama
after the Henry Rollins show fiasco…When you’ve gone without food and a home to
become The Wizard Of WillCall…ya know its time to banana split to far greener
Malibu acres when
SFX: AAAAAArgh
Chelsea and I went to The Rollins show…we didn’t say much…Chelsea and I went to The Rollins show…Looked at each other but didn’t touch…and of course it didn’t help by bitching about forking over the cash..ALL NIGHT…So I gotta start from scratch and find the right Lolita in monkey boots…Cause every red-eyed Romeo needs his Juliette.. Lewis that is…I’ll be looking…I’ll be looking to take back whats been tooken… cause this babylon babble…these looney lamentations from a sidewalk coffee messiah ain’t explode for Expresso Java grrls to dump their twobit boytoy cocksucka jimmy jive hustlers and mess the moneymaker with me…strungout on the stonefree…suicide siddy splendid seductive shocking O.D…the gee whiz biz is no matter how wicked the wordiac how venemous the verbals..how captivating the crunch…it ain’t the right stuff to convince my wildcoasting lovelyloves to shake loose the shackles and vroomazoomzoom with me thru The Junkfood Americas…Revving the mean we’d be two abfab rage against the machine urban cowboys…Tall in the saddle…ready for battle…in our fiery Gwar fourwheeled Krofft Superstar…phaat gas guzzler…Mr. Junior and his gypsy teen Tank Girl apocalyptic witch…Owning nothing but the blind of our being…the phantasm of our furies..swimming in copies of Flipside, cotton candy & tequila…nickles, quarters, dimes grinning in the sun…Dark Carnival tattoos shrieking “ You two are the one”… and we’d be drifting …drifting…sipping the earth long and hard…talking Titanic stoopid talk… exaggerated Marlboro talk…about The Emperor’s used clothes…giving the ape his grape in magick sanctuaries of sin…bottoming out the smoothtrue..swamped in spellcasting romperstomper..blow the house down…surrendering to each other…submitting to the eerie eon and on..to The Big Bang cause..
(shouting)
Wheww…so I suppose what I’m asking in my frantic
roustabout fashion is… Ladies if you won’t do it for lust…if you won’t do it
for L.O.V.E.
REWIND
Odds &
Endsville
“ Dare
Command Juju”
Windsor,
Vermont 2.94
Like any other happening between two salsa del souls..IT HAPPENED…It crazied outta 54 studios of desirious like mind…Cause ya see J.D. was a guy you could never pin down…Aaaaaaant ah….No matter what you used…nails, screws, bolts, wandering jew.. you could freeze dry his ass in cement…bury him under a slapstick moon…and in less than 24 hours ya’d vizz him at 7-11..sitting on a cinder block…putting a hurting on a carton of malted whoppers…flipping thru the bargain news…shopping for revolutionary surrealism…so fucking casual as if nothing had never nada…uh-huh…JD was a bio-hazard hollerin Houdini in pimping poleclimbers…Boots he said looked like shoes of A New Boo World Order…a line he learned from haunting the siddy with that Spoken word spook from Planet Muthaphucka…always giving off the stench of transmission fluid… Satyr Juice…fried tofu…and American Spirit…always the fool, J.D. would bet on Venom whenever he went toe to toe with The Webhead…Even though every Ren & Stimpy renegade knew Spidey was gonna win…Knew circulation was the real hero and Venom was a tool in the game of increased sales…but hey J.D. lived his life in a tragic fantastic rock and roll rodeo Rodeo Drive specific terrific kinda way…in a green morrocan mint tea I-Gotta-Be-Me kinda way…A sway that said though you wiped your butt…passed the pipe night after night…and declared to scenester Samsons & Delilahs you were all grown up now…somehow buried in the couch was one of those pink lemonade super bounce balls…that you’d bounce when nobody was looking… bounce bounce bounced it…til it soared into the clouds so high and spun and spun and spun… that you’d swear on a stack of t.v. guides it was a galaxy unto itself….Bounce so high bounce so high type guy J.D. was…And with any situation that gets situated… it takes two to tango…a duo to duplicate…a couple to copulate…so The Fo’ever Beings… those heavy duty think tank alien spliff of Channel Hero…threw into the mix a L.O.V.E. interest… that was more than gonna maybemight..it was gonna absolutely guarantee… threw in a dynamic dancing romancing the stone named Broadway… a wiggy ohgosh dread she devil deluxe with a passion for potent post consumer recycled fiber pepper mint potion…Equipped to rule the Northwest region with a freejazz glam Gigantor… which folks swore she O.T.O’d outta dare command juju….though there was a group of evil unbelievers who lied about having the inside edition on her rockabillying the dough ray me outta QFC…cause Broadway never worked a job more than a week and still had the jupitersized jinglejangle to buy quarts of Cuervo Gold for the clowning down & outs … and didn’t have a pot to piss in herself…While other people purchased c.d. after c.d… and thought simplicity was simply being in the red…Broadway sky cried mary the anti tick tock dickery doc let’s be less than zero…Her only possessions being the ready wearables on her hot Goth bod…and an L.L. Bean backpack jammed with stuff knuckleheads defined as junk...like a Welch’s jelly jar stocked with tadpoles… bits of batwings…voodoo pamphlets…skin of jesus lizard…a serraphin’s halo she liberated from a mall in San Diego…a Powerbook 180… and her double barreled raygun… the only item of Big Daddy Black’s that hadn’t been repossessed by those eiffel tower wide repo doods from a Las Vegas Planet not far away enough for her liking… They had swish boomed into the living room a year or so after he vanished…Vanished after Broadway had gotten in late as usual from prowling Pioneer Square…Big Daddy Black was lounging in his T.A.Z. limbo…spinning Motown, channelsurfing the legless Zenith… moaning on and on about the latest conspiracy theory…something about Bic Macs being laced with lithium by the Ray Kroc corporation…laced with a lazy that made Joe Public susceptible to the Gotta Git Its… a curiously strong wrong ring my bell..making em buy the latest Nintendo game cartridge even though they didn’t have a game system… Nodding a weak “ Yes Daddy” Broadway stumbled into her room…Pushed on the sugary CureKajagoogooCaptainBeefHeartBerlin…flopped in the futon and prayed the prayer of Wish I Might…the next day he had disappeared…No note…Just a ghost of a goodbye.. Not that Broadway was surprised…Yet she sure was when Those Evil Interceptors beamed by..showing her his digital I-Owe-You-Plenty..Surprised Big Daddy Black had developed a gambling bug…not cause he was trucking thru The Great Beyond Beyond …Broadway gave them the deed to the crib and cruisecontrolled on her own crusade .. Shit, she didn’t wanna be housebound anymore anyways…Now since this tale is being told during times when people can’t stand still long enuff to take a pill…when their minda are occupied by so many things other than breathing & eating…I realize there ain’t no need to detail the particulars between the fateful day our two chubbawubbas thrill killed their cult of chocolate tastes betta with vanilla…
FAST FORWARD
Vigilantes
Of L.O.V.E.
“MadYouMeDefunctA.D.”
San
Francisco, CA 2.95
Night hangtight spree…Beware…Jetson sail burn free…This girl is all dare…Shocka- lotta hypnoshake packed Vanity So Fair…sugar coated sex and violence…bootyah bang bang super fuck science…she fortyfives my smack…smooths my quake…beautys my beast…houses my eight track hate…Go pop t.v. entertainer with a roar to match… with a cum sucking snatch to explore…baby, why are you in my radiooo?…I’m a closed chapter..a misery hustler…a guaranteed disaster..Got no money…Got no home…simply this situation called…Man on his own..Shifted round this disguised nothing to do…by a bleed so cold…By a spear of destiny so old…so…
I
Love Lucy…
I
dream of Jeannie…
But
I’m jonzin for a Jody…
Got
me a new drug…
JODY…
Cutting
me a new rug…
JODY…
Superglueweed…
JODY…
Mad
You Me…
Let’s
get defunct A.D…
Armageddon
Call Girl…Monsta bass high heel stride…Batteries not included…and you know the reason
why…I was looking…I was looking to take back what’s been tooken…and DAMN…I was
had hard…Sunday afternoon…Easy street seeks the other side…Veins fulla fun…she
situate psycho…I suck cycle… we ride the gun…Greeding a groaning…feeding a
moaning…we dark the sun…shows me what she swatcha… Scorpio’s gotcha and never
gonna unhold…My imagination conjures tough L.O.V.E…. frontiers bedroom
shoves…rude kneel my knees..Lady’s birthin a cruel speed A cool swerve Detroit
ain’t ever gonna engineer…Yeah her motorin makes it clear…
I
Love Lucy…
.I
Dream Of Jeanie…
But
I’m jonzin for a Jody .
.WORD
Increase…
JODY
A
suicide release
JODY…
Royal
Kamikaze…
.JODY….
MadYouMe….
Let’s
Get Defunct A.D……
U.F.O.
behind the groove…her movie is my guess…Grrl’s noisy breath…Slow bone sudden
death…We are gods of a swingular Live and Let Be…Demonically appointed….
Cosmically annoited…A Just Go Ahead Now computerized by a Digital Picasso…Email
erotica downloaded before the crowd…Sonic boom chasers in front of the
pack…Free- masons of The Moment on the attack…That I’m telling you right now
ain’t ever gonna be reduced to an American Journal Hard Copy Current
Affair…That ain’t ever gonna be processsed into an eight bucks a pop
Entertainment Tonight….If I can help it all… If I gotta walk tall thru black
flame…If I gotta remain in this terminal vacancy permanent lockdown…No Maam
cause I gotta “ Thank You For Lettin Me Be Myself Again”.. Gotta smarten my
method…Gotta sharpen my motion…And I’m making my way back to taste all of
you…Kalifornia Kalifornia…No finer prize than the boogey that whacks you
between the eyes with a “Wake Up Boy All You Need Is In These Levi’s”…spinning
dejay potion…spilling freak lotion…between her thighs…white thighs…white
thighs… Swing It…Swang It…Swung It…SOLD!…Pepboy panther and a Badmoon Barbie in
a crash worship show ‘n tell…Hold it now…Hit me again…No need to explain…You
know I crave this kinda pain…JODY!
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Blondie Tourist Distraction”
Nice, France 10.88
Everybody get up and do your thing
At
one of our many Soho lunches this summer…Sherill had predicted I’d bangbang a
eurogal and foresake the rest of The Continent to get me willie…wet wet…popped
in..
Souled
out…and whuddyaknow…HE WAS RIGHT…I’m off to Zurich Switzerland
To sink my smooth Sidney Portier in Sandy’s moist mudhoney…Yes with a Eurail pass you can afford to act stupid…Sorta glad I’ve had this week to myself..Hanging with them in London and York was awesome…we were turning many many many heads…ha ha ha but I didn’t have time to do shit…
No.
(highlighting
my bills to see if they’re counterfeit)
The rest of your
life.
Yet
right now the only sights I’ve locked and loaded in my memory banks are… pool
after pool of spilled lager in countless pubs…store after store of outrageously
priced 501s and strand after strand of Sandy’s golden pube hair intertwined in
mine..yes superfriends my dick needs a well deserved rest…Sandy and I have been
working each other’s unit nonstop…the first time she had two orgasms and
according to her I’m the second guy to
The…
Talk
about a swelled head…pun intended…the night before Sandy & Tina returned to
London..we did it twice…and she was STILL horny…
(gleefully)
No. Once I did it seven times.
Go away.
Miss
her now…awfully bad…which the only way to describe my train ride here… fifteen
nonstop hours of bad vibes…One of the conducters ended up swearing at me in
fast and furious french…I was like “Dickhead I probably should be insulted and
proceed to kick much butt..except there’s one small detail that holds me back…I
HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE SAYING SO EAT ME!”
Bravo. A lil well placed hate makes the world go round.
Me
and a few adventurous lads from the youth hostel…a glorious co-ed dump ventured
to the beach…The Meditterean Sea…quite a sight to behold…and so were the
jiggety yumyum going topless..I’ll repeat it for you slopokes…Topless means no
top…She- teens bronzing those titties to our maximus excitemus…One green eyed
goddess laid out next to us…Her breasts were so exquisite…They belonged in a
museum or something.. and damn girlfriend knew she had a captive
audience…taunting us poor horny slobs with every twist and turn of her slick
supple body…I kwikly jumped in the water to downsize my monstamac…Mistake!…The
waves were showing no mercy…
The U.S.A. You know the
routine boys show him vut The French
Are made of . Kick his ass
good..
Yeah
I almost drowned…
This
may sound like a too too tired cliché…yet I did see my short pathetic life
flash before my eyes…eventually the Meditterean grew bored and spit me back
out…
(trudging
back to the beach)
I’m buying a bottle of wine. I’m getting shitfaced.
I’m buying a bottle of wine.
I’m getting shitfaced.
Hopefully
I’ll be able to mail this letter to Rebecca before I return to The States.. or
before I die…
REWIND
Nothing But Lipstick
“It’s All In My Head…Right?”
Norwalk, CT. 7.87
Stamford Town Center. Food Court
Even be contagious.
And all.
And she didn’t get home til the next day.
Her parents took
Her cars keys. This dork’s her revenge
tactic and it’s working.
Her mom promised her new wheels to stop
seeing him.
Are you sure his dick isn’t a factor?
SHE TEEN 3
What are you clueless? She doesn’t kiss him unless
Its absolutely necessary.
SHE TEEN 2
Really?
SHE TEEN 3
Please Rebecca says the minute her mom delivers the Saab
900 S and a week in Hawaii geekoid’s history.
SHE TEEN 2
Wicked.
A group of young African-American guys troop by hooting and hollerin at the She –teens She Teen 1 whispers to She Teen 2…Together they hurriedly follow after the guys.
SHE TEEN 3
Hello. Where are you two guys going?
SHE TEEN 2
To the land of milk and honey. Oooh I can see it now.
My brandnew beamer.
SHE TEEN 1
And Paris is completely bitchin in the spring.
FAST FORWARD
MotoDegenerate
“Brenda
Starr Reporting”
Mill
Valley, CA 9.94
Vvvvvvvvvalerie…VVVVVvalerie…Hennahaired fullfigured Grade A hey hey momma I met at Whole Foods…Mill Valley’s swinging rich singles co-op zone
FRANKENMIND
Whole foods. Whole foods.
I shop at Whole Foods
The prices are lousy
But I get to be rude.
I’ve been told by a few Marin County residents many deals have been made by the granola bins…I copy loud and clear cause the way Valerie was flaunting the baby got back…I knew we had to connect..
HUMAN TORCH
Flame on!
She had to finish working so me and The Beast ripped to the townssquare…hmmm… Depot Café…this looked familiar..snicker snicker…and rapped with her friend Karen a trippy Brit. Expatriate…I’m still trying to make sense of our conversation…Karen told me she gave birth to..
KAREN
An angel last Halloween.
The baby girl was a stillborn with a smile on her face so Karen though Death’s embrace was comforting…She spaghetti westerned about living a painter’s life…being caught in The Spiral… a weird wutang clan that gave her strength…Karen made a remark about reading that I never thought about before…Here goes…say she’s on a donkey… the book goes into the satchel…cause the text’s images are not one with her and the animal’s so it becomes excessive weight…
FRANKENMIND
Whatever you say babe.
Hey anything would have sense this afternoon…Me brain was tweaking shine on razz ma tazz as the purring wind blew Karen’s dirty blonde across my bronzed arm..Strange it wasn’t anything sexual but several microseconds of higher ground..Cause if you think about who I am and my status in Lefe according to The Powers That Be…I WAS WHERE I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE…ENJOYING A A MOMENT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN DENIED BY THE TYRELL CORPORATION…
ROY BATTY
The things I have seen with your eyes.
Tonight Karen and I moonspun to Stimson Beach…crept thru the fog…bodies slicked by the warmwet…following the yellow brick road…following the yellow brick road… Wish The Beast had a cargosized side-car so I could have crammed in The Sundays..Under rated DGC swooning their songs of extreme being…As Karen clutched me closer when ever The Beast carved a turn in Reality a bit too fast…We hit the mountaintops and witnessed the clouds swarming below us…Cosmic Gaurdians Of The Pacific…I believe in The Unbeliever…I believe in the features of The Faceless One…HA!..Karen waits until we’ve crossed into The Island On Top Of The World to wonder aloud if I’m a psychotic maniac planning to hack her to pieces and roast the wee bits over an open flame…and then of course she had to ask about me Mum..
NORMAN BATES
Oh
mother no. The blood, the blood.
Gosh Karen maybe you should have given that some consideration before taking the plunge…
NEMO
Will you chill? I’m too lazy for that kinda shit.
KAREN
(relieved)
Okay cool you had me worried for a minute.
She calmed herself and we resumed our vroomazoomzoom…good thing I didn’t show her my gun…It wasn’t on me anyway…It’s in Andrea’s freezer wrapped in a brown paper bag…but just imagine if I did…
SFX: ZOINK$!
Her friend Jerry’s flat was in Valencia…a place shadowed in woodland mist…Enlivened by glowing paper death stars webbed in cinnamon cloth…The faint light revealing the trampled lawn and an abandoned raw dawg dragon car nearby…Jerry…half hobbit, half hawk..was desperately attempting to lead the shambles of his countryside bar band… yet the motley crew of Bay Area Let’s Hit The Hills And Make Some Fucking Noise Week- End Roustabouts were enthusiastic about sampling the KGB…Not that I minded.. Squatting on the floor, I took a toke..
SFX; SSSSSSSSuck
And watched them attempt a rehearsal…the honesty of their endeavors making up for the cheesy lyrics and out of tune instruments…the honesty of their sudden sense of liberty keeping me there long after my buzz bit the dust and I ached to leave…Nuff respect due.. Tomorrow afternoon I met with Valerie so she can decipher my numerology and find the answer to that burning question…Where the hell is Guy?
LOVE AND ROCKETS
No new tale to tell
No new tale to tell
Its all the same thing
FastForward
NEMO
And this afternoon’s guest on The Nemo Road Show
Is that abfab creature I always love to feature, Valerie
Who against commonsense is gonna show me what I’ve
Got on the numerology groove.
VALERIE
I’m telling you right off you should really fess up to your
Birthname. You have two lucky numbers. Your first and last
Are sevens which gives you a destiny number of five. And five
Represents Freedom. Your master number breaks down to a two.
And that’s what Nemo works out to also. The attributes are peace-
Maker.
Ya gotta be kidding me.
Arbitration, meditation, diplomacy,
persuasion, sensitivity,
Modesty.
Extrovert. Negative stuff:;
selfconciousness, fear, shyness,
Slyness, unhappiness, strife,
extremist, sometimes too much
Detail. No feminity.
I’m gonna buy a Wonder Bra to help me
out.
What’s that.
You mean you haven’t heard.
(grabbing
her breasts)
(lisping)
I’ve been told I’m pretty substansial.
Experiences and a good many changes.
Some of them will
Be forced upon you, others of your
own making. Your mission
In Life is to promote freedom and
progress. Only by letting go
Of the old can the new be realized.
You must help people live
Happily, more fully. When changes
come don’t fear them or
Cling to the past. Make it a
stepping stone. To be free doesn’t
Mean to break conventions
deliberately but instead stands for
Enlightment, ambition, willingness
to learn. A lawmaker.
(singing
Porno For Pyros)
Why not be
the hero?
Why not be your own?”
in general. But you could lose your goal if
not given frequent
opportunities
for exciting and interesting worldly contacts. Live
your life by
going among people religious and bohemian. People
who promote lines of new education and
thought. Go among people
who write such
as columnists, newspaper writers. The legal pro-
fession gives
you opportunities and helpful friends. Publicity and
and all fields
of public entertainment give you interesting develop-
ment. Don’t be
a rolling stone gathering no moss but be a part of
what’s going
on in the world. Some other negative things are:
overconfidence,
selfishness.
Something I don’t.
Everything that’s going on in town.
He’s the kinda guy you need
To talk to.
Grabbing
my arn, Val dragged me over to this dude’s table. Michaelangelo’s a bald lanky
white guy in $500 shades and a cream linen suit…wicked threads…yet his aura
screams
“I’m a twobit actor wannabe who spends my every waking moment, clawing to the fringes of the The Beautiful People masquaerading about being in The Thick Of It,
The literary world.
(bitchfully)
Talk to my agent.
Betcha wanna smack him. Betcha wanna smack him.
SEARCH SEARCH
Romeo’s
Void
“Homemade
Skeletons Dance With Brain Eno”
The
IllumiVoid FuturePresentPast
Tens of hundreds of iron men in battle against the selfrighteous rage of The Rhino..and from deep in the heart of the atomic bomb…I AWAKE…Staggering to the kitchen sink
…I
grab a brutal mug…consume the faucet’s spit….Cupboards are bare, undone…
Saltines and hand grenades…the only trust that’s left…And I realize this
process of living…this strangling web of waiting on a friend is an intangible
manifestation of broken promises…and in order to fully concentrate on what
is..I must arrest time… render the ticking clock speechless…dam the liquid
happening…I must forget…all must be forgotten…get beyond this…get beyond
myself…heading to the bathroom swamped with fatigue…I continue on with my tale
of prophetic deconstruction…Go on Go on the choice has been made…and I tear
assunder the commode…my chariot of crapdom.. my throne of unreason…and beat the
lil bugger to shit…the toilet shrieks plastic peace and Gandi’s dream…it’s wet
inards splash the front of my body…my body…my doom.. I am a cannonball…I am a hammer…with
the spine of a secret agent man..I have a mission.. I have a masterplan…I am..I
am..and I disappear to this tonight…watching the sun clean..
REWIND
Nothing But Lipstick
“Sad Consideration Of A First Fornication”
Norwalk, CT. 4.87
There’s
an emptiness in Rebecca’s “yes” to my request for us to make love…Emptiness..
Hmmm…naaah…more
like a huge wall of pain that I’ve created…Each day adding another brick…the
latinous non squinars from the edge of infinity seperating me from the rest of
humanity…ya know cause I was raised as aJehovah’s Witness from birth… Dragged
to the Kingdom Hall on Newtown Ave every Sunday for a sermon, discussing an
article from The Watchtower, then going out in service..knocking on people’s
doors telling them our interpretation of The Truth…That Jesus Christ engaged
Satan in a battle for our souls and despite The Devil’s tempation he persisted
in being true to God’s divine plan…A course of action which ultimately caused
Christ to be betrayed by Judas Iscariot for a bounty of silver…and have the
Jews deliver him over to the Romans…and how in Jesus’s death there’s an
opportunity for us sinners to live forever if we repent of our sins..
And
it must be making God very angry that I earnestly gave such sermons in support
of The Truth in high school…and here I am considering to defy his law…I
believed…and I still do at times…Every so often I stumble into that Forever
After as I flip thru The Bible Selfhatred stabbing me all over cause I wanna be
The Chosen or rather The Meek that inherits a Paradise Earth…No more fear,
racism, disease, or death…and what bites is according to The Witnesses
interpretation of The Holy Scriptures is after the battle of
Armageddon
when God wipes evil off the face of the earth…Satan won’t die..He’ll be in an
Abyss for another 1,000 years until he’s let loose again for a short period of
time… until once again the former things have passed away…And I won’t be
remembered by my parents or anybody…Dead Forever…Here I might have a chance to
avoid it and…
Rebecca’s
returning from Florida in a few days and the idea of DOING IT in the presence
of God and all His Heavenly Servants pretty mucg scares the crap outta
me…except I love her more than anything and I…and I..
(softly
singing)
Yeah yeah yeah alright now
Yeah yeah yeah alright now
Folks maybe you should go on to the next episode by yourselves.
Something tells me Nemo’s gonna be in this
hole for a while.
FASTFORWARD
Seattle, WA
5.95
Mark,
Man I was so fucked last night…Alaska Airlined from San Francisco to suprisingly sunny Seattle..Got tanked at The Comet…smoked out by Oddfellows Andy… performed at Red Sky Poetry…drank at Claire’s then crashed at Inga’s…aaaiiiyiyi…people were so nice to me it was unnerving…not used to such hospilatlity…think they were turned on by new leathers pants from Dreamland
I’m back in black.
Back in black.
Then in a drunken stupor I read the latest
Rocket…the local music rag I used to write for occasionally..try twice…before I
got eightysixed by the former editor Grant Alden…
“So what the fuck were you doing attending the S.I.D. (Society For Information Display Conference) conference throwing around The Rocket’s name? That’s not how we do business here”…ohyeah so in Lip Service…CENSORED’s scene gossip column “ A new release in the stores credited to NEMO (uppercase always) should not be confused with Seattle’s rap/poet/selfpromotion king, Nemo (lowercase)…NEMO are an alternative band from Belgium”…RAP?…pleez..and how CENSORED has the gall to tag me as “Seattle’s” is amazing…especially after being ignored for so long…I find myself growing tired mentally…the more info I gather the more maximum the jive… IGNORANCE IS BLISS…I’ve been receiving more offers to place my eerie indiana on people’s websites…I read some of Alt-X…Weird Republicans…Gangsta Lit…that cyber sexual piece…Hey it would be rockin to position my pinball gothic on your site… Not simply cause its popular..but because it’s got that killer X thing going on…X-man X- Force, X-Men,..wondering if I should go back to using this lithium the state sponsored shrink prescribed for me…she gave me this comic book detailing how much The Rockefellors own in America..and the email address to subscribe to Conspiracy Nation..
listproc@prairienet.org.. ..wondering if she’s really
trying to help me “succeed” or simply have me freak out from the weight of the
info and…
Norman Rice’s reputation…like she was encouraging me to do…ya know he’s the mayor …Inga’s still in NYC…it’s her first time there…she should receive “Sexual Blood” on her return…Maybe she will review it in her column..G-Spot Inkwell…Inga’s The Stranger’s darling right now…her and Dan Savage…And Clark Humphrey of MISC. fame has his book “Loser” about the Seattle music scene coming out on Feral House… my attempt to persuade The Stranger’s publisher Tim Keck to run excerpts of The Novel..
Has rendered me persona non grata…Honestly Keck’s afraid of me even when I’m not threatening to burn down his office…He’s aware of the success I’ve achieved outta sheer will power…NEMO SPELLED BACKWARDS IS OMEN…Or maybe he’s read Albert Camus’s “ The Rebel”…and despite my endless ranking on him…I admire what he’s done…at what personal expense I can only imagine…yet I don’t have a trust fund or inheritance..or a regular place to live to help me get over…so my respect only goes so far…I hope we can get all this competitive shit behind us and scoobydoo lunch in L.A one day…last item..Purchased “Dangerous Dossiers” in S.F….it’s a book exposing the secret war against America’s “greatest authors”…think I betta eat something before I faint…
FASTFORWARD
Vigilantes
of L.O.V.E.
“Twenty
Seven”
Seattle, WA
5.95
The music falls outta the sky and slaps me
til I bleed…conjuring up long forgotten sequences of a misfit mouseketeer alone
in the dark…T.V. on..Volume off..waiting for a release..wishing for an escape…
Sometime to
celebrate
Oneday in
our lives
It would be,
it would be so nice
SFX: Aaaaaaah pop fizzle pop champagne
But no…
Wait until
the morning after
Too bad in ten
minutes you’ve gotta interview Veruca Salt.
Guy perceptive as ever knew I was nervous and
passed me the pipe..
I
hadn’t media KCMFeud’d a band in a coupla years…L7 being the last kraftwerk
intended for my projected Street Sounds column…Vroomazoomzoom… I had convinced
the editor Michael my doctored soul coughing would look great with black and
white photos I’d kodack with a zoom camera…He bought it hook, line and
sinker…SUCKER..
Cause
at the time I did’t even own a camera much less have an idea how to use one…
but larger empires have been built with much bigger lies…and at least that lil
white one gave me an excuse to bizarre superstar into NYC Custom Leather and
rap to Agatha who over the years has become my fairy godsister…
(rubbing
my head, smoking a Camel)
You’re such a fucking lil freak.
The L7 session had been a disaster…the evening before I tossed and turned on some-body’s couch…Neil’s or Alexa’s who knows?…tucked inside a deep depression and by the time I had immerged with not enough you go boy boogey left to even pretend I was prepared…yet there’s an angel in every knightmare and L7’s bassist Jennifer Finch saved my so supernatural rep by playing along until I connected to my usual Saturday Morning Cool World Fallout…A very brief victory because 10 seconds after we finished the road manager denied me an all access pass even though I had been cleared by Slash Record’s publicity dept.
(to
the band)
Sure whatever you say.
So my recent need for some cool girl psychic protection from certain CENSORED is why I asked Inga to tag along…Cali sha la la equipped with the gift of gabba gabba hey ho let’s go…enabling me to sit back…and coast off my high and gaze at Nina…
Rewind
San Francisco
Had to meet JodyCat in Union Square for
lunch…and to charge some much needed under wear…Preparations…think about taking
a shower…
SFX; Eeeeent
Try again contestant.
Watch Jeanie’s t.v. buttnaked on her
bed…Finally get dressed…and uh…and uh
SFX: SSSSSSSuck
Rewind
Seattle
Gonna
get…gonna get…hiiiiiiiiigh….gonna get…gonna get…hiiiiiiiiiiiigh…shheeet..I
was
already bye bye birdie…the idea of flying to San Francisco on the wings of
Tucan Sam so I could sweeter than Amber honey 4 Non Blondes seemed quite the
Alfred E Neuman to computerize…
Alrighty then.
Chris Omawale and I had finished snorting lines of crystal…crammed into American Backpacker’s tiny bathroom…Our dealer…our sugahmomma…our connection to inner outer space…was this gypsy teen tank girl…Skye…zonin, zonin…
(shaking
his head)
nah nah you didn’t say that?
Hmmm did I…let’s see..
Rewind
Guess I did…nervously giggling Skye almost dropped her stash in the shitter… Back on Broadway…zonin zonin…Cris was doing his best to eliminate his les miserables… The Black Rock Mafia squat on Harvard was defunct a.d….and he didn’t have a place to live so it was the couch surfing scenario once again…and the waters were rough..crashing with one of his umpteen urban warrior princessess was still an option to lease…but Cris had discovered grrls can be quite as heartless as guys when you need a favor…a friend
…a
Stranger fiction fuck book that’s all too true..way outta the neverending
rain..
Sheets of empty canvas.
Having been stuck in the same shituation countless times myself…I suggested we get into the Power P.C. of things…sit & spin while our tatooed everything collective highs feasted on mad monsta vibes…Linda’s?…Naaaaah…Ain’t no Moman pool pimpin tonight…Moe’s…Okay…Upstairs we fused with Bill Hollier’s geeetar soloin for a while..fantasizing what the fireworks would have been like if Cris’s own sword of illogical metal blues was outta the pawn shop..
Pass the pipe man I’m about to be depressed.
SFX: SSSSSSSuck
Getting hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh…Getting
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh…107.7 The End…soon enuff though we felt the harsh come down
fuckin our special efx and Cris was all outta weed…
I ain’t got shit.
Damn no wonder I hate
niggas.
Kwik phone call to Lisa Lisa to see if the
price was right…I ask thee, how free is free?
No Dice…She was motorpsychoin somwhere in the
city…FUCK…No wait, yes…Why didn’t I think of this before…We bolt half a block
to Alexa’s cause she’s always in the green…
SFX: Bzzzzzzt
I heard you all the way down the street.
Dood let me in.
Hold on.
SFX: Click
And it’s not even released yet.
Yes way.
Cool.
Stoned.
Sure, its over there.
CHRIS
B.
(enraptured
by Cris’ hideeho)
And I’ve got some if it isn’t enough.
Uh-huh…Earthgirls are easy…Megablast…slipped
in the Advanced C.D… plugged on my Arnets…and I’M A FAMOUS MONSTER IN TRAINING
ABOUT TO GRAD-UATE…Tracks..I, Zombie…Astro 2000…SuperCharger Heaven…More Human Than
Human…
(nearly
excited beyond words)
He gave me a tired smile…His mind was
occupied on other things…like hooking up with That Blonde Thang we hello’d on
Broadway so he could just..go to sleep..I was fine to zone to the Kidz WZ again
but I dropped my Drum somewhere when in The Elsewhere And Alexa had
inconviently taken her Marlboros after she and Chris had left us to our Blacula
bloody valentine…
(scooping
up a handful of quarters)
Here buy yourself a pack man.
Yeah Alexa’s cool. Don’t worry about it.
Locked her pad…Cris went his way and I went mine….yeeeeeaaahaaah
right into The Comet…Where The Boyproff Crew had finished buying a pitcher and
there was a glass for me…and…
SFX; SSSSSSSuck
Rewind
San Francisco
Chrissy had sent me the Veruca Salt c.d. knowing I’d enjoy it and of course I did..cause if you can’t fight The Seether you might as well go go for The Ride…Track 12 “25” was the melancholy 421 rock..Nina’s voice novaexpressing me to the moment of my arrival in The Emerald City…Destined for a blind date with its inner negative creep.. Shedding my skin…shedding my skin…I left JodyCat’s Brosnan St. batcave and sauntered in a steam of redtinted sunshine down Market St. toward Macy’s…Jody’s my new drug but Nina and I have been birthed from the same Mad lab…and I wanted to look into her eyes and see the sign..for without darkness…there is no light…
FastForward
Seattle
Inga’s irritated
The
professionals have been slacking majorly…instead of gogo gonzo I was losing
you..
Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuce
wagner ..
Deny your maker.
Hey I haven’t seen Jody in about a year lighten up.
This is not television. This is not television.
Rewind
Configurate Data
The
professionals had been slacking majorly..Instead of go go gonzo..I was slip
slip slipping…wallflowered in the soundbooth while Inga chatted with the MCA
chick..
Veruca Salt’s manager Mike was wondering what the hell we intended to do..inter-view him?..cause neither of us had made any sorta move…Eventually I bit the bullet, stumbled downtstairs to the dressing room…and there was Nina Gordon..my tribe desire..and in a split second I was transported to The Elsewhere..Nina and I chatting strolling thru Soho rocks in our head…She’s singing to me the slippery fetus of a new song..she’s singing to me…and I’m silent cause in this trilling time at this everlasting edge..I ‘M EXACTLY WHERE I WANNA BE…but That’s the Future…This is the present…and Nina’s already in the middle of an interview…a coupla kids on a high school newspaper gig..
I excused myself and made with The Intro…told
her about Inga…hastily mentioning The Track…and BINGO!…Nina smiles and says
she’ll gladly talk to me..I am
On top of the world Mom. On top of the world.
Back
upstairs I’m ready to relax…and wouldn’t ya know it…Inga wants to leave..NOW
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…She ‘s going snowboarding with Guy for her birth day...She'’ gonna be twentynine...And Inga has gotta whitejetta to Snowboard Connec-tion before John loses anymore of his logic…and my Nemo Meets Nina fantasy’s no longer on her agenda…Not that I could blame her…She’s unselfishly has fueld my cartoon crusade on a regular basis..Inga asks me what I intend to do…She wants an answer from Mr. Frankenmind…and I can’t think…Louise steps in suggesting she’s good to go for the interview but my infrastructure has collapsed…
SFX:
SSSSSSSSkkkkrash
Poleclimbers
propel me back downstairs…I drop a chapter of The Novel on the table…
Stairs
two at a time…jump in the car…and we motor…
FastForward
The
show’s over…Nina and the gang rocked on stage..Finally an entertainining All
Ages gig at the notoriously
Known-To-Be-So-Awful-You-Can’t-Getta-Date-Even-When-You Have Free Tickets DV8…I’m
dying for a drink…and of course every last beer in the lounge has been horded
by The Beautiful Ones…Mooching a Rolling Rock from a wary alternateen…I roll a
smoke…hoping to catch Nina’s eye…Though it’s obvious she’s avoiding me…Somewher
between the time we soundcheck buddahbinged and now.. my eagerness to
communicate my whacked some kinda wonderful has traveled thru the wrong
channels and been translated into
He’s a psycho.Avoid at all costs.
It’s now or never…and I swoosh into the
dressing room like a batman buttholes surfer straight outta Tim Burton’s
belfry.
Dam them all to hell.
Nina glances up from cuddling her
loverman…HUH?…This is wasn’t in the videoooooh
What’s your name again.
Awkward pregnant pause..
At The Paradise Lounge in San Francisco last week.
Here it goes. I
Hope it’s not to morbid.
I’m sure it’ll be fine.
When I was 25 I did not wanna
die
But I’m twentyseven now
and there’s no place Left to go
except the Acid Radio
Acid Radioooooo….Acid
Radioooo
Both
of them are like “Whoa”
(smiling)
You’re twentyseven? So am I.
Yeah that’s why I went thru this trouble to
connect with you Nina…I’m twentyseven… and I’m afraid I might not make it to
twenty nine
Amen.
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Are We
Having Fun Yet?”
Zurich
Switzerland 10.88
Freezing
my ass in the train station waiting for Sandy to wangchung my runaway slade
sneezing after catching a cold frm streaking thru so many different climate
uncontrolled temporary autonomous zones in such a short time…close to tears
cause I had to squat my I’m not feeling so hot for another two hours…and who
should sit down next to me..none other than the fun Phlips..Earl and
Stephan…two NYU Students I first met at Carter Hall
Here we go.
And we’ve got quite a history of Hollywood Higher learning…One Saturday night we were so freaking tired of being back at the hostel by 11.pm…we decided to risk it and get locked out…The three of us walked this way round in circles trying to find sanctuary from the pouring rain by getting into a club…but our rocknroll or new wave was more useless than cramming for exams…after you’ve failed all the finals…The Hippodrome the doorman took one look at my combat boots and barred us from goin in…
We don’t cater to hooligans.
Next…The Limelight…we don’t even rate a
refusal…
(Shouting
at the top of my lungs)
Few times, faggot!
Next…a smoky subterrean hole emitting orgy
blue Monday with no Vivanne Westwood
Wardrobed wanker guarding the keep…The cover
charge was 5 pounds and the doorman was a brutha too..This should be ABC123…
Yeah.
Its ten pounds mate.
Alright.
A piece.
This is a private club.
Blow my monkey. I’m not digging your scene.
Fuck
it…we roamed to Mickey Deez…almost afraid to order…who knew what we’d have to
unload for a Big Mac and fries…A pound of flesh?…Fastfood frantically obtained
outside the three unlucky cabelleros bumped into Annabelle…a girl more moody
than me…who earned the nickname Morrissey after she moped thru our first London
merry drunk as fuck fest…She was all smiles that night and suggested escaping
to The Orbit a movie theater in King’s Crossing…4 pounds to paranoia paranoia
neutron bomb scifi flicks til dawn…Annabelle had a few hits of pufnstuf and The
Orbit served beer and crisps…Cool…Inebriated and oh so stoned we zoned thru
“Hellraiser”, “Aliens” and “Zardoz”…each one of us taking a break from our
journey to the edge of reality by hitting on Annabelle…Talk about a girlfriend
in a coma…cause she never even registered a reaction at our best
lines…surprisingly I did get her to open up a bit…Think it was me boots…snicker
snicker….Annabelle was living at her Moms after ditching prep school… and
hating it…She wanted to go somewhere anywhere other than Great Britain…but you
know the fly away formula…No oddballuncle in the Hollywood Industry..No on the
road
Is still supposed to be 1988. You gotta remain in
the right time
Continium. You
don’t want the kids to figure out this 1998 and
St. Regis Hotel.
Meanwhile behind an unsuspecting
storefront on 11th St.
The Stranger
office shooting your nemesis Dan Savage for
A feature on his
new book “Savage Love”. You gotta hold
On and maintain
the fantasia at any cost. I mean what would
The suits at
Disney say?
FastForward
(stabbing
air with stinky seegar)
Spike’s last flick.
Uh, the title escapes me. The basketball one
Guy’s name was Jesus. Oh yeah “He’s
Got Game”. That was
Us. We even greenlighted some
interracial oingo boingo in it.
Denzel Washington with Ms. Fifth
Element for crying out
Loud. That turned quite a few heads
in Nebraska, I’ll tell you
And “Enemy Of The State” with Will Smith.
Bingo. Are we
Like the wizard of oz or what?
If you say so.
And I won’t even pigeonhole your stuff by calling it black.
It’s uh, it’s…
Pinball gothic.
A chocolate éclair. Now don’t take
this the wrong way cause
From what my secretary tells me
you’re this sensitive artist type
But it’s a good thing you got laid
by all those Eurochicks especially
Lil Swiss Miss, Sandy. Cause say we
made a movie and it tankgirl-
Ed in the states, we can still do big
numbers with it overseas. They
Eat this angstridden shit up. Fuck
even I know who Joy Division is.
Great, that’s uh really great.
Jecting this scene into the episode.
That kinda jerky boy move can
Get you whacked in this industry.
Permanent midnight if ya know
What I mean. What can I say you should
have listened to your, uh
Your uh…
Frankenmind.
(rolling
his eyes)
He’s worked for us before and believe
you me he knows what
This is all
about.
Dark Atari.
That Glasman girl cleanse the
place.
Sorta
omniscient.
You are gonna have to work that
out. Here’s a tip mud
Baths and champagne in Palm Springs usually does
the
Trick.
10-4
Berg’s upset with, well your entire
race over that Amistad
Lawsuit. Besides he and Geffen heard
about that email war-
Fare between you, Melissa Jones and
Kevin Kennedy over at
DGC Records. Not to mention that
Friday the 13th Wired Punk
Press Release “L.O.V.E. Attacks LFP
Inc” those darn kidz
Faxxed to ABC, NBC, and MTV. Nice
shot but come on no
Way in hell would they give two
shits about a crazy kid in-
Spired by Flynt’s life story would
stick a classy centerfold
Of his exotic dancer girlfriend in his newsletter.
Metazine
DISNEY SUIT
Fact was imitating fiction
imitating fact that his people are gonna
Set ya up at The Chateau Marmont
so you could get back to-
Gether with, what’s her name again?
like Courtney
Love even think about sucking Larry’s dick before he
made it big. Okay
so it happened to you. But Jiminey Crickets Nemo
you got caught up,
you lost your perspective. It can happen to anyone
Christ it happened to me. For the longest
time Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Was my prime
motivator and I tried to George Peppard every two
Bit Holly Go
Lightly Wanna Be who hitched in from Montana.. All I
Got was bad credit
and a drippy dick. And I know Holmstrom and
Rhoades told ya
this.. Hey am I getting thru to you?
Like a poltergeist.
Disbelief. I’m forgetting all of that.
Look sssssssswhip. Forgotten. And
Holy fuck Nemo you still got problems
and this one ain’t goin away
Either.
(stunned)
Oh ya mean that.
Got this shit out. What with
Publishing and Hollywood being the
Same freaking
universe. Trouble is Uma’s got projects in develop-
Ment over at
Fox, Warner Bros., TriStar, maybe even over here.
She and Ethan
have a kid now. My wife was over at the baby
Shower. This is
heat I don’t need. Your woman going on a sex
Strike is not a
good thing. Shit have Fitzgerald give Harvey’s
People a call.
Wait Miramax. We own em HA! Kid sorry to tell
Ya this but
you’re fucked.
CENSORED Scene of Nemo rockabilly
roughhousing Disney Suit though we’re still able to release the sound effects…
SFX: Baaaadaboom Skraaash Braak Krash!
(sniffling)
At this rate we won’t even be
able to afford the first one.
Editor’s Note: In order to reestablish
control over this looney toon hipsteria we ask the readers to either ignore the
above dialogue or wipe your mind clean with the handy Neurolizer contained in
this package. It was our intention to advise its use at the end of this
oddyssey in order that you wouldn’t mistakenly reveal any details to the myriad
of nonpaying slackers The..uhuhm..Author has befriended over the years..Well
not advise…
DEMAND..actually..Do
you know many favors I had to cash in to get this ..this thing published? And
the cost? Then Nemo bulldogs in with his whole advertising scheme. How its
gotta be published abroad first then The States and he wanted commercials, for
the Internet, radio, t.v., cinemas, a world tour with (ANY FUCKING BAND I WANT
HA! NO DOUBLE HA!- Me) And an appearance on Oprah. I was like Nemo look your
style is truly original with a sense of humor so black it’s uncanny and you
might have earned the reputation of breaking boundaries but you’re a young
African American first time…Novelist?..I guess..and excuse my french no goddamn
Lenny Kravitz much less a Jimi Hendrix…He just smiled asking when we’d hit
Balthazar’s for lunch..I mean I couldn’t believe the balls on this cocksucker.
The nerve. Here I could lose my job if Alberto even knew I was talking to him
and…
Remember me and my followers are bound for
an abyss after
Armageddon for another 1,000 years
after leading astray Yahweh’s
Perfect lab rats. So Nemo since you’re
the chumploversucker who
Won’t be living forever please continue
with the goddamn episode
Shit, this dicking around is worse than
Space Ghost Coast to Coast.
With your stupid ass. Azrael get me a
bloody drink and where’s
Me slippers?
Rewind
Annabelle wanted to go somewhere anywhere other than Great Britain and I was really at a loss for words…what was I gonna say come with me…Yeah right and then tell me how would I wurm outta that nobrainer if she had said yes..Good thing I kept my mouth shut cause a coupla days later I met Sandy..Good ole Sandy who was late late late for an important date…Tina and her eventually arrived sporting new dos of Bo Derek nigga- knots…
Eighties, I’m living in the eighties.
I’m
ready to collapse at her apartment for the rest of my life…no thoughts of sex
for this Berlinbound boy…even so outside our We Made Love Together is reduced
to an after school special outtake left on the cutting floor…cause Sandy was
carting me to
The youth hostel.
But you didn’t so I made plans.
Fault?
No Nemo but I waited.
The significance of that last line totally
shooting over my head. I called it quits and headed for the last tram…everyone
taking turns dragging my army dufflebag of shit…
This is not television. This is not television.
Saturday
Morning I coolworld fell outta the bunk…barely managing to coordinate an outfit
and it was back to the station with Earl and Stephan to wait on Sandy…again…She
arrived late and not exactly looking thrilled to be there..Bracing myself for
the worse I asked…
Nothing.
Yeah.
I go with you. You’re crazy.
No answer.
Nemo, I have to go to a party.
This is not television. This is not television.
I motioned to Earl and Stephan and we all
walked slowly to the nearest bar…
SFX; Guzzle Guzzle Guzzle
Earl leaned in close at the counter and
whispered the plain truth..
Its not the party. Its whose at the party.
Duh Nemo, Sandy’s got a boyfriend.
I asked her…
Is there something
I should know
She faintly nodded her head…
This is not television. This is not television.
And I couldn’t turn the channel and make the disappointment disappear…I looked skyward and the silent voices of the gargoyles…a dialect comforting in its cavaler cyrano de bergerac carried me for a walk across Zurich’s snow covered rooftops to a hush hush toto this isn’t kansas anymore..Oh yeah now I remembered…I didn’t belong to this shattered oasis..my crown was a bed of thorns…my staff pillows of imperfection..my heaven a forever young sex pitsols microsupply… a seamless tomb of Where Are You Scooby Doo a mere phone card call away…and I wanna go home..AND I WANNA GO HOME...And I will someday soon…unless He’s changed the number…
You want it all but you can’t have it.
FASTFORWARD
“Suburban
Legend
(What You
Can’t See Can Kill You)
Mill
Valley, CA 9.94
Valerie’s pad in Petaluma…Oh Say Can You See shitkickers
dairyfarm country…was it a date?…Naah more like a mutual surrendering to
fate…Telly time..MTV Music Awards.. I think a cesarian section with no anesthia
performed by a slobering inbred Plutonian taxi driver on a runaway Muni car
hurtling towards twin suns would have been more amusing but maybe this is sour
grapes cause I wasn’t centerstage…Back to the main event…Val and the kid are
cuddling…getting cozy…yet I’m trying to stay focused…objective… de- hornified…
I’m a journalist. I’m observing.
Cause heavens to betsy…my stars and garters…Valerie’s fine womanly thighs kept gliding toward my crotch…making the Erector set wanna get in gear…and me with no condoms…well to be honest..I, uh-uhmn,..fell alseep before the make out session could begin…oh yeah I’m such the rebel…the next morning between slow caffeinated sips of the old unbubbly…I descended into my usual I Hate Myself And Want To Die mood.. Her son Brad yanked me in impatience…
Yeah kid I’m a mighty morbid Power Ranger…A Real life dysfunctional action figure... A real gun…Real bullets…pull the cord…watch me pull the trigger…Tell your Mom you wanna keep me cause with Christmas only 100 shopping days away.. you’ll be the big shit on the block…Better than Sega Genesis any fucking day..
Seach Search
Build you something pure
Just can’t leave the lonely
Can’t shut out the blur
Serenading sky
Binds me close to shore
Steals me to the past
Boobytraps the door
Thought we could be lovers
Sit round and spin
Baby it’s all jive
An emptyhearted grin
Guess I learned my lesson
Heaven always wins
Drag on’s shrill
Drag on’s spill
Robs my will
With these thoughts that kill
Drag on’s stride
Drag on’s cry
God is why
To leave this ride behind
Can’t get it up
Can’t get it on
Can’t lose my future
Can’t afford to run
Can’t go pop in Paris
Though hey I’ve gotta gun
I’m sin sucked dry
I’m a weary hate whore
Desire died
And I’m such a fucking bore
Exist
nowhere
Exist with no name
Misery more than maybe
And the rain’s always the same
It’s a ceiling suction
In shivering grass
Forged
by famine
Yet melting in the mass
Drag on I
Drag on Me
Wanna just overload
Killswitch the memories
Can’t push away pull
Can’t leave last reef
Can’t come on and on
Won’t trick cheap
I’m a shattered glass elevator
A used book on tour
Word wealthy
L.O.V.E. poor
I’m such an unbelievable goddamn fucking bore
This brooding coil of morta events was less than inspiring for Valeries…she had the day off from Whole Foods and wanted to motorpsycho laughs kisses, and carresses..ha ha hee hee hee as the gleaming Cali rays warmed our backs as we entered…The Mall..What?.. The Mall?…AAAAAAAAARGH..Anything but The Mall…Momentarily my eyes were blinded by weekends shackled in the Stamford Town Center pushermannin Eddie Bauer gear to unquestioning automatons…
It was like the dog returning to its vomit…The Count Of Monte Cristo returning to the Island Prison…Doogie Howser returning to…Victoria’s Secret…Hold on there pardner this won’t hurt too much…I managed to find the perfectsize Wonder Bra…38B.. Lavender…and convinced Valerie to purchase a pair of sunglasses that made her look
Alas the feversish window shopping frenzy
couldn’t keep me from freefalling…going down..NOOOO…Wait..AAAAAh…this feels
good…something familiar, something same, something safe…Back down in a hole
where I can be free from everyone’s demands…Valerie slapped me with the
Message to you Rudy..and took off in a
fury…Seeing no need to explain myself any further I bolted on The Beast..I mean
what was the use?..Tell her I was this bipolar peekaboo who had managed to
escape from the Harborview Lithoweerdium… a mere signature away from being The
Psych Ward’s latest manic depressant pinupboy..
We feel you’re a danger to others and yourself.
Yeah sure..anyhow Valerie’s right…and I am
the only friend I’ve got and that ain’t doing diddley for me now…
Buried in my shit
Why don’t you come and
save me
Back in the Valley Of the Stars…Sammy
Hagar..Clarence Clemmons and Jerry Garcia’s exwife are among The Chosen that
live here..
SFX: OOOOOh
See the celebrities
SFX: OOOOOh
Sense the electricity
SFX: Kraaak!
Feel
the cops nightsticks get aquainted with your skull…The kids are in the hall having
successfully nursed their way back to health…Guy’s skulking around kinda tense…
Sage has a few performances in Alaska and a scheduled appearance in this movie
Georgia I believe..but he’s pissed Sage didn’t make the cut for CMJ while
Medicine Hate, aband they let open for them did and they don’t even have a c.d.
out…Inga cowboybooted Pippi Longstocking pixie reporter is chainsmoking
American Spirit and pounding on her Powerbook…Happy cause she’s heading to New
Orleans to visit her friend Panacea
Rewind
Linda’s Tavern Seattle,Wa
I’ll be down that way so you should give me her address.
You’d probably fuck.
Yes she’s got a hot
bod.
Come just thinking about it.
(breaking
into hysterical laughter)
Great. Less work for me.
FastForward
The grrl and I have had this messanic
relationship since I began raising hell at The Stranger’s supersecret office in
Wallingford
(ranting
to Christine & Tim)
Love it..or betta yet..JUST TELL EM THEY DO
Bringing the noise when nobody gave a bloody
shit about the paper and the battle we were waging against the pathetic voices
in Grungetown’s mainstream press…
Back then when there was a sense of fun about
this
So why don’t you kill me.
Inga saved my life that hohohelliday season of ’92…Missing Marnie Rubin, my vicious Vassar kitty…and the usual eastcoast haunts..overdosing on Apocalypse Now and Blade Runner: The Director’s Cut during Christmas week had seriously warped my system of believing…after a howling singalong with Screaming Jay Hawkins..three bottles of Boones strawberry wine…several desperate collect calls to Marnie from a University Ave. payphone intercepted by her father…
MR.
NYNEX TELEPHONE FINANCING V.P.
It’s that boy…again.
I had convinced myself that in order to lay
my troubled I’m Pretty Fly But Sometimes(?)
I Wanna Die to rest…a double barreled
butbuster aimed at my head was the sure thang Fox Sunday…
REVISiON SUMMER SEATTLE 99 UNHOLY LIKE
WOW!!!!
YEAH THAT’S RIGHT I WANTED TO DO IT BEFORE KURT DID BUT I HADN’T FINISHED THIS YET..QUICK BEFORE IT POPS CBS THIS MORNING TOY TEST THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF AMERICA ALL IN THE TIMING MILLENNIUM CIRCUS KINGCOUNTYFAIR ELLIOT BAY WATERTAXI SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK OF ME I SING BABY TOUCH OF RELIEF CAFÉ ORGANIC SEATTLE CHAMBER MUSIC FESTIVAL FREE COMPAQ P.C.
Returning to my room I actually envisioned the otherside of the tribe called quest.. the comforting sand & heat whispering Charlotte Sometimes’s policy of truth…But before boarding the midnight express outta bounds…I managed to ring Inga and spill my guts.. she dropped what she was doing…sped to the boarding hose and spirited me away to her favorite resturant in the Central District…filling my void with T.L.C. and ethopian food. It’s amazing how Guy and Inga accepted me for who I am…not what they wanted me to be…letting themselves be reconstructed into my seventh heaven…understanding my tantrums and desire to magnafly the pain plauging me and every face I spied on Broad- way..and I could just cry thinking how our egos, mispplaced anger and all this fucking competiveness has nearly rendered our friendship null and void…a friendship on a hill that ain’t so capitol anymore
REWIND
Odds &
Endsville
“Stay
Tooned”
Norwalk, CT
12.89
I saw him about ten thousand years ago in a Taco Bell..right after Custer’s last stand… 11:07 Eastern Standard Time..8:07 Pacific..and I was trying to get outta the Late Nite With David Letterman…get away from myself…Looney Skip Rooney…Uncle Flyod’s cablegiant sidewalk sleeper…quiet with his six dollar and change Montclair NJ mexican feast…approaching mortality with a decpetively assured air..A confident man.. a con fidence man… a con…and I watched his pop will eat itself..like a prophecy related for
Generations…ignored,
unnoticed…only to dazzle into a Hello Gorgeous Red Light
Before an unsuspecting world…We interrupt this broadcast phenomenon very much like the strangers who congregate before a dive bar’s wide scream t.v.s every day… each separate mass of voluntary surrender making the enitity known as the gutter a harsh reality…I think Looney Skip Rooney had forgotten his contacts at the studio or loset them in an unrelenting whirlpool of Maybelline hussies and he somehow has mistaken Taco Bell for White Castle…cause he was frantically trying to create a cheeseburger frenchfriesthickvanillashake outta beef burritos…definitely the kinda guy who would get a kick from eating a square burger..I walked over to gaze at my hero closer…to tell him of the courage he had given me during those Schooley Mountain centuries…the courage to ask Malibu Sue to return my Granfather’s dentures I had swiped from his room in order to seal the covenant between her and me during our third period study hall alibi… Malibu Sue who had beome a heretic of that innocent manifesto…I walked closer to tell him of the strength he had bequethed me to approach the middle school crossing guard… kiss her…see if she was real…and she was…oh how she was…and she had straightened my earmuffs and talked about Manufactured Rap, Systematic Exxon Bridges Of Burgeois Complacency, The Misused of Proper Pronouns In Controversial Orangutanian, Dark Atmosphere Admist Steve-o’s New Order Transmissions and Erector Sets… I walked closer to him…yes, I was walking closer…to confess those wonders and to borrow some cash…though of course I ended up handing him a blank check…”Looney Skip Rooney” I said…”Oh wow what a coincidence, that’s my name too”…he said…And his face grew heavier for he had grown tired of the joke yet it remained apart of him… so I leaned down and confessed “ Fish In Fish Out Backdrop Drunk Skitzo Unyielding Cholly Behavior Control Servitude Sunless Warmth Never Eats Ungracious Pop Tarts Of Circumstance Without The Benefit Of Margarine” and because he was destined to pay his dues with that Blue Bonnet Bitch I offered him Arizona…a product of The Illumivoid swimming in the chunky green shag rug along with the swamp southern geetar and plagarized pages of Revelations sweltering in my swanky hate dept…Pages I had free spirited to The New Yorker…The staff’s return fax reading “ Dear Hungry Freak we enjoyed your Biblical hymns of The Warlock. They’re eeriely energizing. Come reassure us of your nonstop Luciferic uprising tomorrow at noon”…So I took to Midtown in my best Poeboy sleeves…did lunch with the editor in chief…rather do his daughter…
REWIND
Nothing But Lipstick
“ In the Air And Everywhere”…
Norwalk Ct. 7.87
Ground
Control to Major Tom…Ground Control to Major Tom…Come in Major Tom… Over…the
soul seeking regenerator you left fro me at The Airport bar is reading
positive.
There
has been a conspiracy afoot preventing me from seeing any Earth band live in
concert…Missed The Cult last year…and then I was scheduled to vizz them open
for Billy Idol but Kevin’s piece of shit Mazada was on the fritz freleng and
the Wylds of Suburbia had to take the public transporation system. And arrived
late…I’ve come to the conclusion Kevin may be a double agent for the Evil
Empire and have a hand in subvert- ing my efforts…He fumbled our chance to see
David Bowie at Giant Stadium.. a concert venue where I’m sure I could have
reestablished contact with The Mothership…Even if this proves to be an entirely
false conjecture on my part….I am positive Kevin’s blood is tainted with
Gilliganitis…Major Tom we’d better get rescued soon or my lil buddy’s gonna be
my dead and buried lil buddy…I was able to secure a ticket for The Cult’s Felt
Forum Amnesty International gig by donning a tie dyed shirt and doing some
inter-galactic reconnisance work over at Darien High Schhol…Suhail a newly
inducted member of The Lost Boys accompanied me on the mission…We parked at 114th
and Broadway near Columbia where he did his super faggot rorshasack
test….changing into a flowing black cape, mascara and lipstick… a sure
collision course with The Unbelivors in our sector of space…
(shaking
his head)
The year 2000.
The much anticipated making love session with
my Girlfriend Being Rebecca misfired… Maybe it’s where we were attempting to do
it…on the lawn behind a church in Stam- ford…but I failed to implant my genetic
doggy style…The manual never informed me virgins on this planet would be so
hard to penetrate…
No. I think you’re supposed to do something else.
In order to blender in with the teenage scene I had Scott Emerson pierce my ear….though anticipating the negative response from the being known as Grandma nearly blew my circuits into nonexistence…I could cope with the usual intrusion on my robot logic…. But the other afternoon when I sat alone in my sphere since Rebecca had gone to Maine
Clutching
her teddy bear Nicholas , listening to The Cure…the Grandma Being had
unexpectedly turned on the basement light and yelled to Grandfather Being…
Edgar this boy’s sitting in the dark crying over that girl.
Right now I’m experienceing the same
dejavoodoo of anger and boredom when I was trapped in Bloomingdale’s helping
Christine shop for her lousy prom dress..There wer all these uptight earthlings
hiding behind their glitter ritz pompous attitudes and facelifts…
I longed to take my skateboard
(standing
in the middle of Jefferson St holding board in air)
I dub thee The Reaper.
And run through the place and
SFX: Smash smash smash
Prince Of Darkness all this false sense of
security…
SFx: Smash smash smash
Prince of darkness til I couldn’t lift my board anymore…but I knew any action like that was strictly against The Lost Boys regulations and since I’m recruiting Rebecca and her sheteens to the cause I refained….Ocassionally I wonder why we pursue this dating ritual because her feminine freakquency encrypts my datascape…for instance Rebecca and I were having lunch at the beach and I vizzed Michelle a sexy earthgirl from Al Branch’s party…or rather the party his Harvard Buddy Beings were hosting in Rowayton… We had sat on the front lawn where the overconsumption of a liquid substance mysteriously called White Russians had deposited me earlier…Michele was interested in traveling to the outer limits via Conciousness 3 lifestyle…until I told her about sharing the bell bottom industrial state with Rebecca…Can’t total recall the rest of our exchange or any- thing else that evening except…
(pushing
me towards the window)
Not in the jeep man. Not in the fucking jeep.
(heaving
extreme)
Blaaaaaaht.
So there was Michelle again and I didn’t even
try and talk outta some kinda respect for Rebecca…and then when I tried to get
affectionate with her .
(sighing)
Not now I’m hot and tired.
Michelle gave me her phone number and I’m
wondering if I should reestablish activation.
Yet I still feel like…wait me let me check
the manual…”asswipe extraordianire”… for making Rebecca so sad this week…I
called her Wednesday to see if I could skate by and she said
Be anything to do.
Thinking
she was conducting an unwarranted test of my geo thermal subprogram as Love I
convinced myself to strike back and terminate our network…leaving me with ample
time for the ardous task of somehow fixing The Exile…ya know Major Tom maybe
your flyboys should testdrive these spacecrafts before The LostBoys issue the
out… anyway Thursday morning I rushed to the phone toinform her of my decision…
I’d feel better that way.
Rebecca
then told me the reason she had denied me of her sweet humanity was Regina and
she had finsihed fighting and was sparing me from the fallout…But I remained
hostile and unmoved…Whenever Rebecca and I are in close proximity and Alan
Regina or her sister unit Spazz enters the room…she abruptly moves over like
she’s terrified to be within two feet of me…making me feel like the Universe’s
lowest lifeform..
(moving
100 miles away)
That.
(sighing)
American and I’m afraid what my Mom will
say if she discovers
We’re more than friends….
You mean she hasn’t guessed by now.
Out for us.
I think he knows but he’s not saying anything.
GRRRRRRRRRR…fully understanding her awkward
position I still reminded Becca the color coding of my outer celebrity skin was
part of as unyet revealed Master Plan… and she needed to make descisons without
her television or parents approval…
I don’t feel like breaking up.
Me either.
So we made a date for Friday night…though I
was a regular, hold on checking the man-ual again …”Dr. Jeckyll And Mr.
Hyde”…and resumed The Topic…AGAIN.. making Becca upset…real upset…I’m assuming
my behavior was the reason she didn’t want to “strip down to the bone”..but
straight to her sheteen Jera’s..spending most of the night crying…
He was so nice then he was totally horrible.
Maybe he has split personalities.
Rebecca said she knew it wasn’t me talking
but rather my position as Prime Motivator for The Lost Boys
But I still wish he’d stop acting like an asshole.
Sunday was even better…we shopped at Food Emporium…three whole dollars to spare..
(mockingly)
Don’t go over budget dear.
I’m so broke I’d sell rope at my own lynching.
Ate Steve’s Almond Vanilla by the water in
Westport…Gosh Major Tom I need some serious help
MotoDegenerate
“Oddyssey
Defiance”
San
Francisco, CA 9.84
The love and the love and the love and The Haight that hates…Horseshoe Café…Grand Slack Station and
King’s supposed to fix yours truly with this
speed direct from his chemlab connex in Berkeley…
Motorcycle to get to the eastcoast.
Great I need something anything…too bad it looks
like he’s a no show…I knew I should have jumped in the car when he rolled with
his crew…but Curiosity didn’t just kill the cat…it cut off its head..
Rewind
Puerto Escondido, Mexico 2.89
Slowly
my mind immerges from its melding with talking Pacific winds..I’m in Rick’s
cabana…three miles outside the beach zone…spidery fragments of sunshine beam
off polished swords and rusted machinery sprouting from the walls…his pipe lays
at my feet.. Drunken spanish riddles the air around me…startling in its masculinity…
the smoke from Rick’s joint whorling over his lean face…
(leaning
in close)
And it suddenly dawns on me my parents think
I’m in California…noone intown knows where I am…and I can’t move…at all..
San Francisco
Curiosity didn’t just kill the cat..it ripped
out is tongue…
Rewind
P.E. Mexico
Somebody
sure the fuck put something in my drink…one minute I’m drinking a Coke with
Pablo and a few other surfers exchanging friendly insults…shooting the shit
about the immense mass of slamming Brazillian women buttnaked on the beach…the
next I’m smack up against an alley wall..brains fried to the gourd…afraid to
make a sound… convinced I’m a few seconds from having stainless steel separate
my head and shoulders
SFX: SSSSSSSSShhwipe
And for some reason all the night sounds are
amplified a hundred fold
Fast Forward
S.F.
Curiousity didn’t just kill the cat ..it
feasted on its spleen
Rewind
P.E.
Awesome I made it to the bus station…Got enough
bread for a fast ticket outta town… I knew Juan Mescale had beef with me…and I
had done my best to avoid him as much as possible…but when his Danish girlfried
took a swift..
SFX; SSSSSLaaap
To the face after telling Juan to
Since he got here.
The Dial-A-Hero took centerstage
(very
buff very black)
I’m gonna kick your ass dood.
(livid)
I’m gonna kill you man.
Yeah right and people say I’m a dreamer.
Maybe Michelle should have informed me the punchdrunk
surf soaked muthaphucker had an arsenal of weapons to outpunish The Punisher
and the local policia were Juan’s cheerleaders…So Alcapulco seems get smart
right now…
(waving
me away)
Manan next autobus manana.
And the next thing I hear is…
(shrilly)
He’s gonna kill you. He’s gonna kill you.
Fast Forward
S.F.
Earning a degree you can’t get in
c-o-ll-e-g-e…besides if I sit here I’ll see how the Boys In Blue remove all the
blood off the sidewalk…
King and I were setting up the deal in front of
the café..when outta nowhere
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a skinhead.
Whoosehes by..disengages a baseball bat from
beneath his hoodie and swings…
SFX: Krraaak!
This homeless guy goes down for the count…and the other kool kats kickin its banging on the garbage cab drums were stunned into freezeframe…Instantly I pulled out my zoom camera…and started…
SFX: Click zzzzzzzip…click zzzzzzzzzip…click
zzzzzzzip
Damn when did I get so callous…sure I’ve never partook of my mother’s milk…but this is ridiculous..I could excuse my behavior by saying don’t let compassion get in the way of a great shot..though I’m not gonna bullshit myself…it’s more than that… the ambu- lance arrived two seconds ago…nearly 15 minutes after the splat…don’t think the guy’s gonna make it..not from the size of that gash…another random act of senseless violence and yet I can’t forget the fact I felt exhilirated…the laughter building building building
(holding
obae stick ,cackling)
Quickly I had covered my mouth so noone could
see my smile and looked over in King’s direction…his eyes had the same nine
inch nailed reflection of
And another one gone
And another
one gone
Another one bites the dust
made me wanna release the chaos of my desire…grab his bleached dreads..startle his lips with mine…taste his roodboy dementia inside…
When you wanna go to
it
Relax don’t do it
When you wanna come
Well one man’s heartless is anotherman’s holy…and HA! Glad it wasn’t me…Naah The Kid ain’t goin out like that…A no hesitation wasting of a everyday ordinary nigga don’t a major motion picture make…
The Beast is primed and ready to roam…Andrea invested the cash into my mysterious voyage...Bought a new chain at City Salvage…a hulking south of the city warehouse of makeshift speed…Bob, the burly mechanic behind the counter…held out the wasted metal…
(shaking
his head)
All the way from Seattle. Man, you’re one
brave sonofabitch
After that genuine good ole boy whack on the
back I didn’t have the balls to confess my (depeche mode) with Death was less
about bravado than he thought…
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before…
Pppppppplease.
When is that Roger Rabbit sequel coming
out…Now he’s a fellow I’d love to profile… snappy dresser…light in his head and
on his feet…we could dumpster dive in The Mission…doubledate Betty and
Veronica…drop the pillpop and teleconference
with
V.A.L.I.S.
(speaking
to V.A.L.I.S.)
Many licks does it take to get to the
center of a Tootsie Pop?
Huh? Huh? Ya hear me I want some answers.
V.A.L.I.S.
Manana. Next autobus manana.
Scribbling
nonsense on my Maximum RocknRoll…thinking about calling the grrly who flashed
me her tit…prominent piercing thru pasty flesh…a junk of love…a junk of love
And
one fine….ass…P.E.’s “Muse Sick In Our Mess Age” is busting thru the speaker’s
meshed womb…wickwickwackin the interior….scan the surroundings..hipniks smokin
Ganga…dreadheaded Gibson goths…terrortongued skins…chess playing, computer gaming, smacknodding, cooley lying…I creep outta the corner and buy a depth charge…
Hot
cuppa liquid crack…slip it slow…wanting to let go of what’s holding
on..clinging on
I’d make a deal
with God
And get him to
swap our places
I’d be running up
that road
I’d be running up
that hill
With no problem
Gotta gittaway from here…gotta gittaway from me…but if I go whose gonna bumrush the show..if only
Where is King?…unadulterated americano…the
highway…and no place to go…nowhere to be…and you’ve gotta recipe for self
destruction…if only
For this tired
Where the fuck…
And
there she was…and there she was…Saam Hey…Mercury dressed messenger…Whoa oh oh
maiden playing Pacman…whucka whucka whucka…Iggy Pops me sunset bug a low…” He
is hungry and The Monsta must be fed”…My pores radioed the flow of the
damned…damn you grrl…Skin breaking out in Appalachian folk songs…Hymns to
Him…Time to actionsize the master…renew the disaster reestablish contact…resign
the contract…gather the goatchatter…Hymns to him…I am vision…I envision a
castrated Freud Titanic..pummeled by syncopated sands of Vietnam…lords of
prayer left for dead…Wrists slit by a silvery metric rule…and the pope on a
rope came to town…riding on a pony..pulled out his peter and said “ Come on so
blow me”…Lovers, friends, magnificent christians consider me a fiend but I’m
invited to their pads any ole time, so what’s it gonna be”…Nothing from the
half a man me as I windowed to other worlds…Networked the Net…as I tried to
outrun a trace of her…keep clear of her virtual blight…Not wanting to submit to
my fate..”Lick my boots boy:…No I couldn’t accept an invitation to feed at the
breast of her sumptious counter clockwise…refused to take heed and lead this
hell- spawn iron steed…to my usual reeverous phoneix…a cesspool of expensive
shuck and jive…
Krist Noveselic
former bassist of Nirvana is so goddamn cheap he wouldn’t buy me a freaking cup
Of World Peace Tea at Café Vita where some loser (?) boosted the remaining two
copies of Those Darn Kidz tv promo
“Kurt Cobain Will Have His Revenge On Rob Zombie”…Good thing I global
expressed one to David Bowie’s people The Outside Organization in London. Not
buy me tea? Even Neil Crummet the manager of Green Cat Café will do that
much.Then saying “Let’s negotiate” to
this cyberpunk who didn’t Show Up For Island Pictures “A Leonard Cohen
Afterworld” recreation of Kurt’s Memorial “Let’s negotiate?”…FOR A CUP OF
TEA..What have you lost your mind Mr. “It’s The Same Old People Trying To
Exploit Everything Nirvana Stood For..Just To Turn a Buck”.MAYBE YOU SHOULD
READ THE LATEST SEATTLE WEEKLY
“ Best local
playwright..So at the risk of sounding Messianic this year award goes to THE
WRITER YET TO COME, an individual who can combine the thematic ambition of a
(August) Wilson with the versatility of a (Steven) Dietz, the comedy of a
(Jeff) Resta or a Vince Delaney with the social conscience of a (Y) York or a
Drew Emery and it would be nice if he or she had the musical facility of a
Chris Jeffries as well. Any of these artists might be concluding the epic that
will push them into this slot in the year to come, or perhaps some mute
inglorious Milton labors even now pulling shots at an espresso stand. But we’ve
got a sneaking suspicion that our arrival on the world stage is just around the
corner..”
Try camping beneath The Paramount Theater with rest of The
Lost Boys, Matt Mindflex and Special Ed..And to think I gave you Beetlejuice
trading cards at the Fourth Of July weekend show at Elysian Brewery where your
new band Sweet 75 opened for Guardian Alien. WHO CARES IF YOU PUT ME ON THE
GUEST LIST. So Krist don’t bother dropping by The Chateau Marmot where we’ll be
MP3ing This Cosmic Oddyssey cuz YOU’RE SO OVER!”
–
Nemo19@angelfire.com
Saam Hey would be bumrushed by bearded anarchists who bagged parttime at A&P.. scatteredbrained Fifth Ave. debutantes giving lectures from stolen Melville cliffnotes.. escapees from the bowels of a cartoon Demille…wandering Mark Twains with dis- obedient steamships at their heels…Hot mama muscle cars…lesbian desire doorags.. pleasure positioned hobags…egyptian astronauts peddling mohair coats and piggy back rides on pyramids…jitterbugs with King Tut…and Death strutting that stuff with a lamp shade on its head…She what she who say she whiz Saam Hey would be kamikazed by goldengarbed Rastifarians in their uniforms of modesty…ready with the smile… ready with the word….But check out this function you five and dime xtc freaks…you slick disciples of teenaged Jesus…MY NAME IS JUDAS AND I’M DEF’S FINAL JAM..
Flaunt
that your Phish walk if ya wanna…and see if I don’t plunge your heads into my
Wired Proper Grounds Propaganda…wwwaaaaah waaaaah of the conqueror worm.. watch
me burn them learning ghettos infested with VolvoNissan Saab..Big Keroscene
Lover…Big Keroscene Black…Saam Hey she glad she gloat…my enticing anger licks
her tin clit…my KISW cleans her cunt…her moans blast shrouded gateways…HONK! Of
the horn…and she gallops thru…
SEARCH SEARCH
Leaving me alone on The Haight…I’m a weary
hate whore..I’m a weary hate whore…
Weary hate whore..weary hate whore…
FastForward
Highway 101 CA
I’m not lost..I know where I am…I’m..uh,
uh,…in the middle of nowhere..this looks like a job for…
As you can see I’m on the road again…okay like ya know I hate to brag but hey like in these mutated Calvin Klein/Levi’s…I’m striking quite a pose…LIKE WOW
To L.A. before nightfall. That is if
you don’t mind
Bedding with the slugs.
Alright already…Geez…earlier I cruised by Camp Roberts…one of the many army bases being phased out thanks to the “end of the cold war”….Now that the kinder, gentler heads of State are focusing on the “enemy within”….spooooky…Imagine what nefarious machine The Soldiers Of Agent T-10 could transform this creepshow into
That’s classified information. Fill him fulla lead.
Greedspeak trickled thru fiber optics…thought
crime pardoned by Billboard sales.. Amaco powered politicians…
(lisping)
Be
killed or call us The Kings Of Cock…dryhumping greasy black Velvet Elvises..
prodding luxurious libertines with razor clawed ten commandments…ghastly
godbeams..
Tuxedoed
tools of reconditioning…slave wage human chains humming national anthems.
Beating…beating…beating…drooling piss and pride…tearing at your hides as you die hard…Total cops on this strip…I’m gonna get popped…I can feel it…Total cops on this strip…Gonna get stopped…I can feel it…Funny when most people go traveling, they notice the various aspects of the regions natural history, the culture..Me..HA!..I clue in on the cops…Cops in New Haven…Cops In Madrid…Cops in York…Cops In Zurich… Cops in Paris..Cops in every port…Cops in every station…Cops on every street…s o little freedom..so many fucking cops..
Rewind
The Border
Brownsville,Tx/Matamoros, MX 4.89
Red Light!
Go to school this semester.
He gives me a puzzled look.
I was trying to learn how to surf but it didn’t work out.
Beaches.
Who does this asswipe think he is? A travel
agency? He picks up my copy of Bonfire Of The Vanities.
That’s a good book.
(flipping
thru it)
It’s what? Good for hiding things in.
Used to do this new Journalism thing.
This is his first novel.
(grinning
at his partner)
Oh really now. We’re only interested in inspecting things here.
Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…ASSHOLE…he plows
thru the rest of my library… Celine…Camus..Lautremont
University Of Connecticut.
Double major. Journalism and Poli-Sci.
(smiling)
I can see why you’re running away.
His partner’s goodnatured sympathy only
infuriates BPMD even more…He dumps the rest of my stuff outta the duffel bag…He
zeroes in on a brown bag..
Barely stifling a grin I painstakingly
pronounce every syllable..
Underwear I haven’t washed in months.
FastForward
Highway 101
And
I am playing into their hands with an unlicensed weapon…talk about dum dum
diddy dum dum…I should have left it at Andrea’s..though right now my biggest
problem is running outta gas…The Beast isn’t equipped with any kinda gauge and
I haven’t a clue if I’ve got enough in reserve…whose idea was this lil venture
anyway…it couldn’t have been mine…I couldn’t have been that dazed &
confused…all this morning I’ve seen aban
Doned
cars here in the desert…stalled where the dood obviously thought “yeah yeah I’m
good for another 50 miles. Yeah yeah that’s the ticket” then as soon as he
pumps up the vvolume…
SFX; sputter sputter sputter
Shudder to think..never being seen
again…gotta pull over at the next exit…
Ugh the farther you jet from the populated areas the more bugs you eat…took off my faceshield weeks ago…scratched it t shit on my lunatic la la too Lalapalooza… Now I could kick myself sober…Easy Rider ain’t easy…The rad scenery makes up for the impromptu snack…ko.’s the boredoms neeterin’ at my noggin…immense silvery trucks chockfulla apples…scattered daisies swaying in the sandy wind…ostrich farms even.. Dr. Seuss says I’m in Spain…I am unloved…I’m in Spain…I am insane..ya know this is a helluvalottawholelotta b.s. for one fool for love to endure just to whammy Winona Ryder
WINONA
I WANNA OWN YA…YOUR SOUL BELONGS IN MY ASYLUM…
Rewind
WINONA I WANNA OWN YA…YOUR SOUL BELONGS IN MY
ASYLUM… one more time for Scott Griggs…
Rewind
WINONA I WANNA OWN YA..YOUR SOUL BELONGS IN MY ASYLUM…hope she appreciates it…Newsflash…there’s a blonde bondage babe getting gas here… Go Go Gadget’s got Florida tags…Me thinks Miami..perhaps South Brach…Naaah probablly Orlando…whuddaphuck is she doing here?…Rewind…whuddaphuck am I doing here?
HA!…If
I had my druthers other than the bother I’ve been unblessed with…what I
wouldn’t give for a chance to go postal @ her spinmag.com,…Our boots by the
bed.. eddys of lust blurring the edges of time…I walk up to her and I…pass right
by.. right into the john..I know how to handle this problem..
Vigilantes
Of L.O.V.E
“Hell In
Highgear”
Seattle, WA
5.95
Trust me I was really gonna do it..get this transmission from The Mad Lab in gear and not say shit about my zero content…Boots in the gutter…Head in the net… Boots in the gutter…Head in the net..Reveal nothing about my sex life…Nothing about The Novel..
Not
a word…It was gonna be a Poor Man’s Stranger..as in totally flawless.. I would
begin with an awesome quote from Claudel…
Have power to destroy that is, it must have
a kind of order, a
Technique, a tradition. It is thus a disorder
of all orders, an order
Of disorders. It is corrosive acid, a
torment, an explosive.
Then connect the in-your-face audacity of the punk movement and The Sex Pistols searing (tribal grooves) with this new school of horror fiction aptly entitled..splatterpunk …I was really gonna get down to work…I bought Jolt and Drum…Poweredup the Powerbook…and then it happened…the wheezing old geezer in the room next to me started his infuraiting
SFX; hack hack hack har har har hack hack
The poor guy sounded like he was gonna spew himself inside out and…I lost my train of thought…there she blows…its ironic I’m reading Extreme Lit. after recently moving into The St. Regis Hotel…The Gershwin in NYC ain’t got shit on this…Got that Oxford Circus syth-o-slop sexual healing…
Shitty
carpets…naked lightbulbs..bedspreads so vile even the Salvation Army wouldn’t take
em…and that’s just my room..But it’s a funky hideout within The Town That Slack
Sucked Dry…and frankly I think The Man They Called Vicious would have been
proud
…one quick tumble out the window is Gibson’s…the bar where my friend Tiana slips me free drinks…and the occasional bowl of soup…and where The Capitol Hill Crew show- cased The Punk Rock Caberet Extravaganza last December…I oogedyboogedy my spoken word with Christdriver, Kristen Storm, Shug, and Jim Thomason…Gee Jimbo all that late night hate..no wonder ya never make it to Poli-Sci class…Elizabeth Davis from 7 Year Bitch approached me afterwards and we had an exchange of flattering words… wait a minute…sit tight…I’ve gotta settle some biz…Liz, I know you’re busy with your band moving into the major leagues…but the next time we meet…” I Saw You..Moe’s Sage headling..You were in fiendish black…I was in a stupor”..could ya get my name right…It’s Nemo…Not Zemo…and to think I was gonna ask you to a Jackie Chan flick at The Varsity…Though I’m not a man to harbor a grudge..
Body tell me this joker’s joking.
He’s joking.
That’s what I bloody thought.
I
take my Jack Daniels straight no chaser…”Rotten” kicks butt…not as awesomely as
“England’s Dreaming”…yet John Lydon successfully strongarms another media venue
and makes it his own…Talk about pulling no punches…though the musician to best
balst the printed page was Charles Mingus in “Beneath The Underdog”..HairyScary
stuff I’m ingesting but even the frightening bumrush of “Calling Dr. Satan”…Jim
Goad’s inter- view with Anton Lavey pales in comparison to the task of meeting
Jody’s parents..
Aiyiyi…I think I need a drink
Rewind
Aiyiyi…I KNOW I NEED A DRINK..
REWIND
Odds &
Endsville
“Thanks A
Brady Bunch Simi Valley”
West
Hollywood, CA 10.93
Uncle Phil
“the
only sin is limitation”
-Emerson
was boogeying at Tatou in Beverley Hills last night so excuuuuuuuuuuse me if this letter blows…got me the digits off this lunachick diva but I don’t even have the time to follow thru..DDDDDDAMN…anyway thanks for taking me to lunch this week…it was totally unexpected..your talent and resourcefulness makes me seem like a whining punkass bitch and then some…The “UpsideYaHead” shoot is coming together despite the clash of egos
….Mine being the biggest of course..Jim Sperber is a wiggy too too talented videoho and Damon Kidwell’s…uh…uh…uh..quite unique…If they can sell the promo it will be one of the most original programs on the boob tube…MTV then the world!…I’m desperately trying to get admitted to Cal Arts for the spring semester because it’s time to take a much needed leave of absense from Reality…I figured since you taught there your stamp of approval would help a lot…I talked to Mathias Vienger in the Critical Studies depart- ment and Gary kibbins in the Art Dept… They said my jive was the joint but I still would have to be admitted in another program as well..So along with developing a writing curriculm, I’d develop a video companion to Hakim Bey’s T..A.Z. (Temporary Auto-nomous Zone, Ontological Anarchy, Poetic Terrorism)…hey I can be as uncommercial as any trustfundafarian…This brings me to the part I dread…I know we discussed the purchase of a Powerbook 165c and laser printer and I don’t wanna come off like a leach but after scrapping together the money for this L.A. excursion my options are slim… I’m also thinking about my own vidcam…a Panasonic AG would let me explore the visual cosmic conflict..and if you could include money for tape stock and the Cal Arts application fee.. I’d appreciate it immensely…If you could arrange to deliver the check to metowards the end of the month that would be great…the address is Nemo c/o Sybil Ross 1400 Glass Ave Olympia WA 98506…again I know it’s a lot to ask…all I can say is I’ll use it to continue scoobydooin the deed that must be done…I’ve included my Stranger and Rocket articles and some misc. transmissions from The Mad Lab….and what is Aunt Betty’s number cause if it doesn’t jell at Cal Arts I’m gonna try the San Francisco Arts Institute….well I’m off like a dirty shirt.
P.S.
Hey let’s hear it for the Kid…Had my first Hollywood meeting on the Paramount
Lot…Today Damon and I met with Steve Pink the vp of development at New Crime
Productions..He likes my jam and wants me to write a treatment for an animated
version of “WUZ”…and “Swerve”…an updated HardDay’s Night starring Imij,
Seattle’s african american rockers signed to Capitol..Yo I saw Mike Myers..Boy
did his ass look whooped.
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“So This is
Paris”
Gee I
Wonder Where, France 10.89
Recovering from the Zurich seeds of change
and things were going smoothly until I set foort in the Paris Nord
Station…First, I needed French currency so I went and got raped at Thomas
Cook…of course “Let’s Go” sez to go to a bank and you’ll get a much better
rate…sure that’s fine and dandy but the one thing the Harvard eager beaver
overacheivers didn’t take into consideration is what if there’s
Fucking vicinity.
This
lonely galaxy defender spent a good deal of those bankrupting francs trying to
call Sandy but the phones most of been Reno slot machines on vacation...cause
in went the coins and I got zilch on my return…great just great…next shituation…I had to use The Metro to travel to
another station in order to catch the overnight train to Madrid… any thing
resembling information was not forthcoming from the booth bitch…
(emotionlessly)
The Metro.
Naah really.
Obviously that android didn’t dream of
electric sheep…okay how about a taxi… I figured what the hell I can handle
that…waited in line and hooked up with three other Americans
Yet I hit another dead end cause the cabbie
said
Three I only take three.
Alrighty then.
I was ready to rockyrambomister t. experience
some slob a new identity…Pretending to be Howard Hughes on the skids I sprung
for my own taxi.
I could get used to this.
And Kermit took me for quite a ride. 50 fucking francs man…(more than that I’m
sure) I wasn’t too pissed cause at least I got to vizz a little of the city…at
the station it’s back to the phones and I managed to catch Sandy at home…
Heart too convince me to travel across
several continents
Too see you again..Arriving in frigid
Switzerland only to
Cool my…word Nemo. I need a word.
24 hours. That’s more sex than I’ve had all year.
That’s not my fault.
Refreshments and ya know I’m not
supposed to cause
I’m in this clean & sober program courtesy of
Pioneer
Human Services…oh I don’t really care about getting
Thrown out.
Why’s that.
NEMO
(singing Joe Strummer track off Sid & Nancy )
Love kills.
Stranger’s TTS “Dan Savage is
in Canada where he’s
Apparently bigger than Elvis. He’s
done the Canadian letterman
(Mike Bullard) the Canadian Today show
(Canada AM) the
Canadian Larry King (Bynon) and the
Canadian Oprah (Dini)”
Which isn’t doing much for Nemo’s high
spirits since at this rate
Dan might be on the cover of Rolling
Stone before him.
My rolling stone at a fascist youth hostel and be informed by mem-
Bers of my posse that I’m receiving
The Royal Shaft and ya wanna
Know whether I’m still angry.
And they say schooling actually improves
one’s intelligence hmmmm…well I can’t point the finger…after this excursion to
Madrid I’ll be back in Zurich..cause..I don’t know if I should admit this but I
miss Sandy…
Eeeegahds what a wimp.
My army duffel bag of shit is there too so
watch it buddy.
REWIND
Nothing But
Lipstick
“Sundae In
the Park With Georgie”
Norwalk, Ct
10.87
But first
It’s November 27th 1998 And Jimi Hendrix’s
birthday.
Why don’t we all sing along.
Happy birthday Jimi Hendrix
Happy birthday
(whining…again)
At Zak’s and I can’t get in touch with Lisa
cause my
Cellphone isn’t.
Shut up.
Why
is it I’ll occasionally wake from a sound slumber and discover I have a vice
like grip on my cock and balls..could it be the Brooks Brothers cotton jammies
aren’t keeping me manliness toasty?..or am I subconciously protecting myself
from that teeny tiny sex maniac The Tooth Fairy…who has been caught more than
once by media bloodhounds in compromising positions with budding young
boys…what’s weird is this is my birthday
month…yes
I’m a Halloweeny baby…and I’ve got less than 30 days to still be a
teen-ager…can’t say my tigerbeat as a teen was completely shitty..more like I
had a great soundtrack but the movie sucked…Speaking of movies I had my second
technicolor surfing dream…this time in dolby stereo..I was thrashing waves in
Virginia Beach..
Pause
From Nirvana?
Cause.
Carangi “The Hole Knightmare
before Christmas” at
Fallout on December 10th?
Pumpkins on his
forcefield and mentioned Pete Stahl.
Road. You know it as well as I
do. Let’s just get on with it
Before Dark Atari starts being
drunk and belligerent.
The very same words Poppy Z Brite used to describe you.
I’m ignoring you.
Sept
30th was D-Day…I joined the army and I’ll be marching to Uncle Sam’s
bellow for the next four years…yeah I can barely believe it myself…Went to the
Mepps station in New Haven with hopes of becoming a pilot or a military
intelligence operative or my best bet…a journalist…and I immerged as a lowly
supply specialist…the recruiter told me this would be one of the jobs I could
perform in my sleep, giving me extra energy to attend college…I wanted to be
stationed in Texas preferably Fort Sam Houston…I suggested California or Hawaii to Rebecca and she
flipped
If you do our relationship is totally over.
Basic
training is gonna be in South Carolina…maybe I’ll get a chance to sample some
of that good ole Southern Hospitality if ya know what I mean…of course Dad is throughly
upset…please like him and Mom didn’t have a hand in all this…It’s not a career
move… yeah right…I’m gonna do the time…get out…and have 25,000 in college funds
waiting for me…my mind fely clear for the first time in months….I finally had a
direction..now if I can just avoid having to kill anybody…Talked to Trip the
other day…He’s still the only one in the family with any decent musical
tastes..He’s got R.E.M.’s new one “Document”
…we
both agreed it kicked ass…I asked Homo about the girl situation..Trip mentioned
Shawnee a swanky blonde transfer student from the Netherlands or Switzerland…or
one of those countries that ends in land…I told him to pounce on that
action…watch…Trip won’t listen to me and she’ll be snatched up by some West
Morris illiterate and he’ll be moaning for the rest of his senior year…
Ha! You thought. Mistake.
Since I’m on a roll I might as well rewind to a coupla weekends ago when my worst knightmare boogeymanned from beneath my bed…It was more awful than being strapped to a soggy beanbag chair and forcibly made to vizz The Network’s failed pilots..
Ya
see Grandma went off on her yearly getaway with some other Jehovah’s Witnesses
from the South Norwalk congregation and I had the dorkorama idea to have
Rebecca spend the night…
Jera’s. We’ll stay out late then sneak in thru the cellar
Doors. In the morning you can leave the
same way. Come
Around to the front, ring the
doorbell…I’ll go “whoa it’s
Rebecca what a surprise Grandpa” and we’ll go to The
Dungeon and go back to sleep. Sounds
good to me.
(skeptical)
I don’t know. Something could go wrong.
(kissing
her on the forehead)
Trust me babe it’ll work.
And it would have rocked except…my itchin desire backfired more than Mom’s Bouton Street station wagon…I clocked in an early morning appearance..eating Grandpa’s delectable peach cobbler…despite my Bud saturated stomach’s longing to heave at the mere smell of it…Made small talk…then crept backstairs…so why did ten minutes later did Grandpa have to do the same?…At first I wasn’t scared…figured he was heading back to the other part of the basement to prepare himself for his daily bugspray battle with Grandma’s shrubs…then he came back, turned on the lights and started for my slob zone…
I sprang outta bed asking stupid questions in
hopes of stalling for time…
Even
throwing my pitiful skateboybod in his path…Man Grandpa was the nigga engine
that could and nothing less than a
sudden rise in His Perkin Elmers stock could have derailed him off track…and
when he saw what I knew he knew I knew he would see… Geez cops & cameras
are almost never around when ya need em…
(shocked)
From there.
Poor
Becca was still conducting her free shopping spree in Sandman’s eternal outdoor
mall and had no idea what was happening
FastForward
Last night.
Ha good try but this misadventure was no Hot
Fudge Sundae In The Park With Georgie Porgie…I got Grandpa upstairs babbling
incoherently attempting to explain the situation.
Upstairs in the attic. Well last night I rubbed it and BAMF she
Appeared. It
was the damndest thing.
Silence.
No no no It’s like Splash. She’s
this mermaid who washed
Up on the beach. And she had no
place to go. What was I
Supposed to do leave her there?
Silence and then..
(sighing
in disgust)
That big of a deal.
WHOA..that was the absolute worst thing I let
escape from my lips in a long time… Grandpa’s six feet something morphed into a
major motion picture of…
Non Disclosure Agreement. Non Disclosure Agreement.
And frantically I took my leave before he could grab his trusty biscuit making roller pin and whoop me so hard when I woke up my clothes would be outta style…Rebecca and I crept to the Reginamobile…scared stupid hugging each other for reassurance…Yet it still didn’t solve the problem of where we were supposed to israelite our alyoisius interrupted It was only a lil after 8…I recalled a section of The Junior Woodchuck’s survival guide
“When
all else fails head to the water”….Since Todd Beach In Greenwich was a bit too
extravagant for our troubled current affair…we bolted to Calf Pasture…
I hope Ray Mulvey’s not there.
I just hope Mulvey’s not there.
Yeah it wasn’t the time or place to tell
Rebecca how my mismanaging City Of Norwalk funds
Famous Pizza, Skateboard,
concert tickets,
nearly got this first AfricanAmerican beach
guard canned…
I’m gonna write you a check this time.
To my relief Mulvey wasn’t manning the fort…on the relative safety of the beach I collapsed while Rebecca quietly stared at the Long Island Sound probably wondering why she had visited me at Eddie Bauer back in February and willingly signed on this lowbudgetsoap…I’m sure Black History Month won’t hold the same allure for her again.. Though honestly she was more concerned with the piles I shit on her Becca Homes & Garden earlier…
Hope my Grandma doesn’t call your house.
She wouldn’t? Would she.
I have no idea
Talk
about throwing her for a loop de loop…I’m sure she had visions of no more MTV,
Stamford Mall or dating anything that faintly resembled the opposite sex…Her
hopes of college thrown in neutral…having to eke out an existence waitressing
at Family Diner.. coming home to a phone which didn’t ring no mo…spending every
evening with Regina lost in a WORD of despair so powerful in its consumption
even Robert couldn’t cure the disintegration..We crashed on the beach and
attempted to sleep…Nothing doing… Mr. Sun beamed a beautiful day…Breezy, not a
single cloud in the sky…and soon we found ourselves in good humor ice cream ,
laughing at each other’s stupidity…
How could this happen. My plan. It was sheer genius
NEMO
Is this a dream?
The rest of the afternoon’s motowndeadboysgangoffour we spent pretending we were in California and displaying our original sin for the fine citizens…Becca on top of me, me on top of Becca…kissing lickin running funnin…We didn’t get in trouble after all… Grandma was pissed but never made the call…and once more those darn kidz got away to a brighter tomorrow tomorrow in our teenage mystery machine…until the next
Rewind
REBECCA
How could this happen. My plan . It was sheer genius.
FASTFORWARD
MotoDegenerate
“
Maximum Jive”
Highway
101 CA 9.94
Wipe the come off my hand and take the Beretta outta my backpack…Bought it in Pioneer Square a coupla weeks before I left…And let’s say my source didn’t require any kinda permit…I wanted one after seeing my cousin Stacey’s collection in N orwalk… I had just returned from an egoboosting yadda yadda hey Mama with Jenna Laslocky at Random House
NEMO
Can I have a copy of ‘the Rise And Fall Of The Third Reich”
JENNA
Sure. Anything else?
Yet my arrival into The Belly Of The Great Beast had been anything but grandstreet..
RANDOM HOUSE GUARD
All deliveries are made in the rear pal.
NEMO
First off I’m here to see an editor. Second I’m not your pal.
And needed to ghostheaven some Macdaddy action shaft…Stacey was dropping off hard- ware for a fellow gun buddy…Went for The Ride I wouldn’t have to get outta his silver streak…just sit tight and look like a bad ass take no kive rock hard muthaphucka… Stacey reached into the dash and smacked the Glock into my hands…
STACEY
Don’t worry Cuz. It ain’t loaded. Wouldn’t want ya to hurt
yourself. You being a writer and all.
I gripped its weight..traced its markings…soo engrossed in my examination I barely noticed when he coolleathercrunched back in the car…Stacey might not know much about The Internet, email or the Illuminati…but he sure can quickdeadbang a man.. and I guess in his world that’s the only thing that counts…A world I find myself longing more and more to join…
BODYCOUNT
Bodycount Bodycount
Bodycount Bodycount
I could dump the gun in the trashcan..nobody would be the wiser…save myself alotta grief.. I can’t though…in such a short period of time it’s come to mean so much to me..
Come to mean..HA…luckily I didn’t splurt any on my jeans…I’m an ole hand at this..
Stuff the gun back in the pack…Make trax to mee motorpsycho..Ms. Miami has split
Probably a good thing…I haven’t eaten anything decent in hours and I’d sound like a deranged sexfiend…she rewinds me of those brainiac chicks in school who blossom over the summer break..get infused with the gonegotgritty and devour all of Manhattan…
SATANA
I don’t try anything. I just do it.
You know who you are…Honors English…Honors Math…A.P. Chemistry…A.P. Metal shop…Big Books..lil words…Droopy dog bifocaled bitches you bummed the homework off of…the ones you figured didn’t know what was what…How could they… if they did why were they doing the homework then giving it to you free of charge?
DARK ATARI
Hello Hello
But let me tell ya a secret…why they stayed up late, studying hardbeing The Teacher’s Pet, missing out on Powder Puff…They were dreaming of dick…Yup at the end of the day these studyhall monitors and library assistants were snuggling next to The Sandman zeroin in on The Jimmy Jam…
SMART GIRL
Fuck this bubbleyum nonsense. I’m goin for The Supreme Peni
Here’s how it works…Lisa Lisa…Daddy’s lil girl…Doing what you’re told to do.. Doing what’s expected of you…Always thinking of the other person…their pleasure… their pain… putting your plans on hold to push everybody else’s product…Except when the invites go round for Heavy Duty Judy’s Pajama Pool Party..you get passed by… For- gotten..Fucked over…It hurts..A lot…You shrug it off..You’re used to it now… Same Bat Time..Same BatChannel…Besides you’ve got an edventure holding to incorporate..
You study long and hard…You get the grades…You get the goods.. You’re admitted into the college of your choice…Ivy League City…Ya work hard some more…Just like before …you get the 4.0…the credit the clout…Score a Fortune 500 job starting at 50 geez…In no time at all you’re bringing home the shimmyshakin bacon…200, 300 grand a year…Now you’ve got the money to burn to get in the right clubs, the right resturants AND THE PANTS OF THE DOODS WITH THE RIGHT DICK.. I’M TALKING TOP DAWG DICK…Hollywood Dick, Malibu Dick, GQ Dick…You’re sucking off Ethan Hawke, Wesley Snipes, Sam Shepard, Mel Gibson.. You’re in your solid gold jacuzzi getting your pussy maxxed by Jonny Depp, Brad Pitt, and Denzel Washington.. You write a book on The Primo Dick you’’ve had.. It sells bug..Bigger than big…Way Big.. You make a killing off paperback rights, movie rights, sequels, soundtracks,.. You’re in heaven..No wait..You’re so fucking rich you own a piece of it…A Big piece… way big… you’re so loaded, you’re bored…Ya sit around and you think long and hard… Just like before…And you remember the bozos in your hometown…The ones in highschool… The jokes…the insults…the lonely weekends…and you climb into your limo chauffered by a dude whose got raging dick…and look up the cheerleaders who’ve gotten fat… who’ve settled for the unholy combination of bulk hairspray and hungryman t.v. dinners.. you see their quarterback husbands on their flabby assses swillin Schmidts, Schaffer, Ole Milkwaukee…anything to make them forget their lousy jobs with the lousy bosses with the lousy pay…Reaching into your pocket you take out the used color condoms…the ones you used when fucking Ethan Hawke, Wesley Snipes, Sam Shepard, Mel Gibson… and throw them in their lousy faces…and then…and then…YOU LAUGH LONG AND HARD..MISSION ACCOMPLISHED…and then jump your rump back into the limo and vroomazoomzoom thru the hood some more..nearly running over me..That’s right me… the asshole who bummed the homework off ya…the maniac who swindled your milk money and swiped your comics…the hustlin homewrecker who ain’t wrapped to tight… the metal noise nigga who can’t afford a cuppa coffee…Black..no cream no sugar… Much less a refill…who is reduced to fantasizing about the sex me sound…tossing off in a gas station john and cornering strangers to rant & rave the
ROLLINS BAND
I’m broken.
And that spacecadets is Life…Gets its triggerin figgerin on how it can prop your butt up.. way up…and wax that mass something fierce…Make you curse the eve your Pops frinned your Moms into that Texas sized Sealy…and worked that woven gem of high behind cotton…worked it til the steam of their grinding bodies bloacked out the sun… Bringin on a bitch of a new Ice Age…worked it til they conceived your pitifully broke too too tired behind…HA!…Life the original cocktease…the maximum fucking jive..
FAST FORWARD
Vigilantes of L.O.V.E.
“Thursday I Almost Went Home”
San Francisco 7.95
FRANKENMIND
We needed a hit baaaaaad.
Jody’s dancing at Centerfolds had paid off well…After her first night of flesh or fantasy she came rushing into the bedroom…plounced on the mattress…manicured fists fulla cash…500 bux to be exact
JODY
(smiling)
Look baby we can eat, look.
Yes excess of cash meant Sunday brunch at…OH ANY PLACE THAT WE WANTED TO SQUAT & GOBBLE….and other accessories like comix, candles, incense, and side walk shopped trinkets for our altar…a new religion that doesn’t have a name yet but trust me…WE ARE THE LORDS OF ACID…
NANCY
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid
SID
And I did it my way.
Jody was so happy…she could finally buy new platforms shoes…hit the Mac counter at Nordstrom’s…and I was so proud of her having braved thru the sex sex sex industry’s slanted door…a world I didn’t have the guts to explore in New Orleans..Yet all that money..all this money…makes me nervous…I feel less in control and more tired…I’ve fed my obsession betta with less and done less when I’ve had more…and with The Novel near completed and my Filofax a demon dusted labirynth of numbers, addresses, and names…the thrill kill was ready for the Mill Valley Saturday Mourning Pickup..
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
Take me to another place.
Take me to another land
Pick me up…put me down..and I had to jam outta my Frankenmind to funeral march back in…been there done that…wanna do it again…Jenny was holding…not that we needed her…we just wanted to be around her positivity..buy something as trivial as pot is always easy…somebody knows somebody whose fucking somebody who knows some- body whose seeing somebody whose dealing..HELLO WE’RE LIVING ON THE HAIGHT…Not much waiting when you’re in the strikezone…yeah one, two, three, strikes you’re out..falling into Misery’s arms..while the tourists dine and wine the wave of terminal hip…picking their teeth with Visa…Gold in them there hills children… though in La La land…north or south…you’d betta have a company computer car…cause the latest media virus will cyberia right by ya..bye bye…and you’ll be walking talking to yourself
FRANKENMIND
Watch Mom my lips aren’t moving anymore and this sci-fi
Is made fact. And even if I die I’ll see ya on the other side.
And we’ll chit that chat in an invisible Cadillac after my
Blissful afternoon nap.
Having never paid for junk of any kind during Grey Purple Haze days..the da la soul street technique wasn’t so oleschooled as I’d like to fool me myself and I…besides one blad nigga in a black Maverick hat is rather conspicious…Maverick…sometimes I’m suspicious of myself…
GUY SMILEY
Is it memory or is it memorex?
SFX; ZOINK$!
And Upper Haight teems with The Man’s plain clothes cops…theys in ya hoods…Team Gap…best not trip in the trap of…
UNDERCOVER COP
Hey man are you fixed?
Cause they’ll strap you with stripes…solitude your bugaloo…have your imprisioned ass making first class plates..pots, pans, …N.A.F.T.A. your nifty…one fuck up at a time… Save yourself with words from Sympathy For The Music Industry’s Sweetheart Of The Brady Bunch…
HELLFIRE CLUB
Dance with the Devil.
Gonna get..Gonna get..Gonna get hiiiiiiiiiiiigh…Nissan Sentra Red…Jody and I raced to Jenny’s place…Door on the street opens to a magick garden..Outta the Mission into wonderland…It’s a Midsummer Shakes Pier On The Sound…on The Hudson…
NEMO
There were only like ten people dancing when they opened for
Iggy Pop…And one of them was me. Perry was wearing a tutu
And damn this kinda Hollyweird.
JODY
A movie I’d pay to see.
We abfabbed to the users friendly in the back…two chicks on the porch nestled in the trenches of hyperspace or just plain tired…greet us and in less time than the rock and roll
Eternal summer..The Pepboy Panther and Bad Moon Barbie have found what we’ve been looking for…greedily sparking the spliff parked in a porclein holder…
SFX; Ssssssuck SSSSSuck
JODY
Smokin smokin ain’t no jokin cookin it.
The invisible give it to me now of the green kaybee enjoy toy sin..sinks in..slow motion fast track...passionate snowpony uzis the room morphing into a mudhoney womb of everything’s gonna be alright.. a cozy multicolored tribe called quest had a temporary reprieve from the bugsun speedstick nutri-100 ultrabrite…Jody was next to me.. trickery witchery…slickery lickery…thick soo thick..the girl’s so thick..
FRANKENMIND
He means sexy babe
She was close but light years away…I’ve been forgotten..made an extra in her Urgent Girl duality…and I wanted my Milestone Hour Of Power…Its scary how she knows who she is..how she feels who she is..or pretends really fucking good…Breathlessly she draped an arm on my Lea Stotland custom designed leg..clasped my hand into hers… and we were bound to the mystical MacDowell Colony once more…Body electro pentium hardrive..Snake id system upgrade…new hoodoo gurus on our website…I am she..she is me..
JIMI
Are you experienced?
JENNY
You guys look so good together.
ROCKY
Damn good.
Poprockjunkshoptalktalkt.v. deathcycles Project Wax Trax Hangtime and we were itching to be alone..really alone…
FRANKENMIND
The bigger the cushion
The better the pushin
Nissssssssssssan Sentra Red…the ride home was nothing short of terrifying..unsettling.. Invasion Of Big Block Manmade reducing Mother Nature to nothing…Traffic machines prying eyes ripped chunks outta my psycharmor…Red Light…On the ave since ’82 is the urban outfitters of our rocky horror picture show pilgramage back to the two room cell.. three if you count the bathroom and the closet…Gradually Haight St. materialized…
NEMO
There’s no where to park. Fuck
JODY
I’ll find one. I always do.
Her naturally unfocused hocus pocus conjured an open space…
JODY
Told ya. I’m so hooked.
Car parked with sighs of relief…Elated we staggered to the corner store…Needed some-thing to drink…Gotta think…Gotta make a selection..Look see the glittery river nile thru the jukebox glass… Egypt via Odwalla…No, Arizona Iced Tea cause its gotta gaudy palm tree label and I wanted us to zone somewhere other than San Francisco…besides
WE’RE SUCKERS FOR A GOOD AD CAMPAIGN…Clio award
SFX; Snap click snap click pop pop papazrazzi
NEMO
Uh you’re gonna pay right?
And Jody gave that look of hers…the silent hey muthaphucka your Chocolate chunk is primetime tasty freeze but we all know you ain’t gotta quarter to call The Kingdom Hall.. and we laughed togther so hard…I fell on the floor clutching my sides…
RETRO VIA ROBOTS
Release Release Release
It felt so good it hurt…then the Warrior’s Voice from beyond space and time knocked hard on my skinny puppy
DARK ATARI
(weilding thought gun)
Having a goodtime are we now. Real Nice. But don’t you
Have some work to do.
SFX: Bwwwwoooooosh
And la dolce vita collapses
SFX; WWWrrrrrrwrrrrraaahphtttp
JODY
(concerned)
What’s the matter? Are you alright?
NEMO
(wincing)
Yeah
Meanwhile back at the Rent Ranch its no sarah chalfant wylie aiken &stoned shining ecstacy…strictly four walls eight windows..2.13.61
FERALHOUSE MANICDPRESS
(growling)
So you two cosmic monkees consider yourself superstars
Huh? We’ll see about that.
It seperated us…
FERALHOUSE MANICDPRESS
Fees.
Crippled us.
FERALHOUSE MANICDPRESS
Fights.
Wrecked us.
FERALHOUSE MANICDPRESS
No Fun. I drink the blood of innocent ones.
What was unified mere moments ago has deteriorated us and I was losing Jody to the sting in her tail she likes to swing..Thrivin Scorpio Horizon Scorpio Rising…her running with wolves siren is a roar stifled by Reality…100 % pure pagan love caught in the parental advisory middle of class…a neverending knightmare before and after christmas..
LOCK STOCK & BARREL
Kidnap The Santy Claws. Lock him in a trunk.
Jody threw over a menu…Oriental gormet…Phucket Thai…to go..of course..
JODY
Order for me but I can’t say when I’ll be back.
Jody’s gotta modern jazz and she’s gonna do it without my sayso…I burned patcholi kneeled before the altar and prayed to Papa Legba too carry my just what I needed safetly to her destination…and then…sooner rather than later…I fell apart..
JANE’S ADDICTION
I’m in the midst of a trauma
Leave a message I’ll call you back
Subagents phone…Mysterious men in X…subagents clone…multiply divide expand… Helmeted heaps rise and capsize…going down…going down…going under…multiply divide expand…The Lord was my light…Now factory psalms were gonna eradicate the plan...Unglamorous tremerous whose side ya on snort contort…cymbals mistakes of youth…sssssssshudder and sha sha shaaake….paranoia self destroyia…wwwwwarp speed….wwwwwwarp speed…..waaaaaaarp speed….The Inner Muse’s sick sick sick strips me nude…relects the rude zoomania…and I stared at each piece… pigeon shit.. each piece..dog vomit…each piece…I want each piece…The apartment ceiling pissed a whiz of grey abuse you…every single drop splattered a new republic…revolting tales of tiny succulent loopgurus swirling swimmin swallowin..vibrating vortex of purrrrrrrfect sight and hounds Of Baskerville…exploding behind implausible implosions gasp and grasp my too much check this out…its like that…and that’s the way it is broadcast on the wicked witch wide scream t.v….soo many channels…soo many episodes…which version of me bananasplits will finally be free…the sadness the gladness all need to swarm into one…and the only fool hip enough to tip the flask all the way back is Rosemary’s baby..
ELECTRIC HELLFIRE CLUB
In the name of Satan
And right now it isn’t me…
FERALHOUSE MANICDPRESS
This is end by friend. There’s no place to hide from trouble
Town’s eightball…this is the end my friend and no one gets
Out alive.
I managed to ring my Dad…Trip answered the phone and he sensed I was about to cut my throat with burnbabyburn…Thunderstorm lightening stikes accompany the anguish in my voice…Illuminating a remembering…1..2…3…YO!…Here weee I gotta go west… and be what there is to see…A project of a mad mod scientist and the only way to make it work is to drink the formula…
SFX; Guzzle guzzle AAAARRRGH!
Looky here I’m your
PATTI SMITH
rocknrollnigga…
Though Trip knew something was awry in the lab..I had gonzo’d too far..and dug my own grave…and was about to bury myelf completely…Dad got on next..in the last three years he never talked to me when I’ve called…never wanted to face The Human Race Traitor…never wanted to admitThe Dignified Devil was a product of his loins… Its always been his pride..his arrogance…his condensation…yet now its his compassion…
DAD
Where are you?
NEMO
San Francisco
DAD
Who are you with?
NEMO
A girl. Jody. Dad is this the end?
DAD
What do you mean?
NEMO
The end. Armageddon.
I drift off into gobbledeegook…his voice brings me back..his voice carries me back to
Spideyman and Scooterpies…
DAD
What’s going on?
NEMO
They’re gonna kill me.
DAD
Who?
NEMO
Them.
DAD
Whose them?
NEMO
The government.
DAD
Why?
NEMO
I think for myself.
DAD
Where are you?
NEMO
San Francisco.
DAD
No, the address.
NEMO
It’s on Haight St.
DAD
Tell me the number.
NEMO
Why?
DAD
There’s a storm here. I’m gonna have to call you back
NEMO
415 626… No, you’re gonna call them. Tell em where
I am.
DAD
Nobody’s gonna do that. What have you been doing?
NEMO
Writing.
DAD
Is that all?
NEMO
Yeah.
DAD
That’s not good. You need something else.
NEMO
I know.
DAD
Let me have the number.
NEMO
415…No Dad I gotta go. I gottago.
I hung up the phone…head spinning and I’m spreadeagled on the floor…the windows beckoned me…”Get it over with”…wide scream t.v….the windows beckoned me…”Go Ahead”…wide scream t.v….the windows beckoned me “ Just do it”… wide scream t.v…
Its real this time…all the channels had coverged into one tragic transmission… I should have been more careful of what I asked for…sometimes you twinkle twinkle lil star and if your genetics fit The Grand Designer’s jeans…you no longer have to wonder how far away it is…
SFX; Brrrrring
NEMO
Hello.
JODY
Baby it’s me. I’m sorry about earlier. I just had to go.
Are you alright?
NEMO
No I’m I’m I need you. Can you come home?
JODY
Nemo, I’m in the middle of dance class.
NEMO
I miss you. I love you.
JODY
Oh baby I love you too. I’ll see if I can leave earlier.
I love you bye.
SFX: Click eeeeeeeeeeeent
FERALHOUSE MANICDPRESS
Can’t you see Jody’s a trap. She’s weigh ya down. You
Don’t need her anymore. Take the Powerbook and go
And go again…go again…losing myself in the world’s neverwhere is all I’ve known for years…and I was to tired to continue…some part of me though stood tall and I crawled to the closet and carefully devoted scoobyvoodoo to
SAGE
Still one place to go.
Sage was playing further up Haight St that evening at Nightcrawlers..maybe I could get outta this deafening pool of blue…maybe I connect to their 7th Standard Road and catch a ride back to Seattle…cause you know at one point in our lives…
SAGE
We all fall down.
I grabbed the 145 and stormed out into the street and as I trudged up the hill… I scanned a few gutterpunks squatting in the park..Mindlessly plopping down I gradually conversed about My Suicide States Of MindLife In With The Out Crowd….and they told me to foregt about seeing Sage and go back home to JodyCat
GUTTERPUNK GIRL
Cause you can’t go it alone in The Twilight Zone. And
The biggest mistake you make is Love.
And I listened to That Nameless Girl…I PAID ATTENTION…MAYBE YOU SHOULD TOO…and further down the lower end of Haight…A Nissssssan Sentra Red squealed to sudden stop…Jody flew out and buried me with her caring arms…and its all undescribable at this point…and its all undescribable at this point…so why don’t we
FADE TO BLACK
REWIND
Odds
& Endsville
“WUZ”
Norwalk,
CT. 1.92
Way Way back when…in a time best forgot…there was a homie thinkhead named Nigga pleez and he was doing the Yo!homestead thang in a hood named Greentown..It was an amazingly selfrighteous suburban hole of ShoNuff ( The Land Outside Da Groove Of History) a superstoopid firstclass joint…chockfulla trees, flowers, and satellite dishes tha did a phat job of fronting for all the bitchin backstabbin and illegal lawn mower racing that was going on..You’d best believe this crazy shitload of green growth made the solid citizens content with their cruise control jobs, kojack reruns, and chowdown voyages hosted by Chef Boyardee…But hold on ta ya hoz y’all…there dwelled other growth in town that wasn’t of the green variety which had succeeded at putting Greentown in the mo money…It was Mr. Dagwood Dakotas awardwinning wart, Agammenon…Aggie to his posse..”Boy!” to his Moms…who kicked back underneath her simulated wood grain deck and was rumored to have sung back up vocals for The Supremes and was living extremely large off the royalties…Yet we’re getting ahead of ourselves here..first more facts concerning my bruthaman Niggapleez…
Niggapleez was a whacked lad clad in plaid Toughskins and bobo..prone to colds, fevers, boils and rashes whenever Beethoven’s Fifth symphoney was cranked over the spacey sky waves…And since it happened to be Greentwon’s unofficial anthemn of sorts meant at any given time the locals and overySonyied tourists witnessed him squirming like a crushed roach on the main sunset boogievard…hiccuping and spewing as if his butt had been hit by the spirit..mumbling the whole time about Creamed Blueberry Codfish On A Stick And Chrome Toasters Impersonating Sinatra ..you know holding up traffic and making a general nuisance of himself…Besides Niggapleez was so damned nice “Wudd- uppin” everyone and everything while he made trax to Greentwon’s Gigantic Halfpriced Bookbin early each morning…And if it’s one thing that gets taxpayers balls in a bind.. It’s having a punctual wellread nonpaying libertine mouthing highpitched salutations before they’ve had a chance to swallow a gallon of Taster’s Choice, fl;og the paperboy and finger a fellow motorist…so its’ obvious as the day is long and the bass is strong… Niggapleez was on everybody’s shit list and at the tippety tippety top too..
Our story begins one June Greentown as Niggapleez was browsing thru the massive book
Bin …casually searching for his llong lost Celine fotonovel..when his noggin was beaned by a wayward book…Pickin it up, he discovered it was a hefty volume of Greentown’s history at the plain insane price of “Please SomeBody Anybody Take This Pompous Twaddle Off My Hands”…And being of sound mind and no money that’s exactly what our hero did…The dood was buttugly, Nintendoless and couldn’t electricslide to save his life..but he knew a bargain whenever he was brilliantly popped by one…Sitting by the town’s atomic powered portable potty…counting the twoheaded tots whizzing by on Big Wheels…Niggapleez remembered The Book, promptly reading it from cover to cover… Twelve months and one fixed election later, he finished, had a nice lil fit and hustled off to see The City Council.
And wouldn’t ya know it they were right in the middle of important City Council matters..roughing up citizens delinquent in renewing their yodeling licenses, declaring everyday Hudson Bros. Day and other highminded political procedures between Diet Shasta runs to 7-11…so they weren’t at all thrilled to see Niggapleez about to be starting something in their Arena Of Inventive AssKissing..otherwise known as City Hall.. Any- way this snaggledtoothed trogg has a serious rep…Niggapleez informed them he had something straightup to say and City Council let him have the floor..if not to listen..at least to distract him from noticing any of the umpteen payofss during the scandalous proceedings…According to The Big Black Book Greentown had endured a major drought centuries before and Niggapleez prophecied it was gonna reoccur right about… well like now already…
With a sigh of relief, City Council leaned back in their Lazyboys and farted with glee.. They laughed themselves stupid, totally dissin my man for not believin’ “ Such Blantant Hogwash And General Tomfoolery” suggesting that “ Steady Employment Often Deterred The Common Man From Being A Ready Victim Of Such Propaganda And Silly Superstitions”…With that said they motioned for the baliffs, who snatched the rest of Niggapleez’s roastbeef bazooka and showed his raggedy butt the door…And as Fate would have it…
FOO FIGHTERS
There goes my hero
His warning went unheeded…
FOO FIGHTERS
There goes my hero
The townsfolk continued with their fabulously wet pool parties…the brats left their Slip and Slides on high 24 hours a day and everybody still washed their Twin Engined Gnbus each weekend when once a month was fine…And if ya know your Fractured Fairytales or have been dragged to Sunday School once too often I’m sure you can figure out who came to dinner…that’s right Doom pulled up to the hood in his gold Eldorado and decided to hang for a while…Meaning the rain stopped flowing and Greentown shriveled to shit.
Now that brings us back to Mrs Dagwood Dakotas awardwinning wart Agammenon… Awardwinning being the signal for every sucka in the vicinity to try and get their grubby paws on whatever it is you’ve got or at least take a peek and pooh pooh it to death… The Dagwood Dakotas were a mean bunch of so and sos…Ungrateful for all the cash Agammenon’s talent had sent their way…The Mrs. blaming him cause Mr. Dakota had sold their antigue Tupperware and had invested the proceeds in Therapeutic Fingerpaint-ing For Balding CEO types…which hadn’t taken off as well as projected…Their kids, Camp and Lucious being the worst of all…Whenever he tried to play his Flintstones l.p. and chill…they would stand in their p.j.s and screech “ Aggie, you’re hopelessly behind the times. It’s the Simpsons these days, the Simpsons you sot”…What the draught did was dry Agammenon out a bit more each day until he was a pale shadow of his former self which put The Fear Of God into The Dagwood Dakotas for they hadn’t earned a honest nickle in ages…If pooe Aggie dried out so would their highrollers lifestyle…No more Blockbuster Video, Taco Bell or glorious Saturdays spent entombed in the bowels of Walmart hunting bargains on Hot Buttered Viking Piffle…Often they would endure the lonely and moneyless days cowering in the den…(Aggie didn’t have Direct Deposit and was too weak to get to the bank)…watching CNN waiting for The Rapture that they were convinced would surely come and rescue them from this predicament, despite the courageous pronouncement by Mr. Dakota, come what may he wasn’t gonna leave for No Hereafter without his Buick…
The rest of Greentown was in an uproar was well…the lack of cheery greenery caused the good people to dog one another more than usual…What with The Daughters Of The Revolution sponsoring debauched Weekend Nookie Fets, liquored teens doing donuts on The Temple Of Tony Randal’s front lawn, and Liberaced housewives in the streets with- out their supporthose praching the benefits of wash ‘n wear rayon, it was serious chaos you dig?…How did City Council handle this?…Did they hang their collective heads in shame, admit they had pulled a boner and strive to correct the problem…Sorta…They decided to be extremely generous and blame the whole situation on Niggapleez even convincing the populace to kwikly sacrifice him to Something Or Other and appease whatever Heavenly Ballbuster that had been offended…
The only snag in the plan was Niggapleez had caught wind of their ohsosecret scheme and had inconviently split town and was bunkered in his Crib Of Solidtood…trying his darndest to arrive at a solution…He was attempting to vizz the last of Strange Brew while fiddling around with his chemistry set when BLAMMO! The answer hit him harder than King Kong kissing the concrete…A certain mixture of chemicals, proteins, and conteins had to be introduced High In The Sky in order to induce rainfall…Yet the procedure was so precarious Niggapleez could not allow for any mistakes…Instead of using a weather-
Ballon he would have to utilize himself..It wasn’t like he had this overwhelming love for the people of Greentown…Fuck No…He just happened to be reeeeeeeeeeeal tight with Agammenon and Niggapleez refused to stand by and watch his homie suffer…It was that simple…
Their relationship had jumpstarted a few years ago…Niggapleez had dropped by The Dagwood Dakotas to borrow a cup of sugar and a G-spot…Thinkin no one was home… having spotted him they had expertly blended in with the shag carpeting…he had scurried round back and began a debate with Agammenon about The Use Of Shock Therapy In The Treatment Of Stubborn Teenage Acne..Niggapleez hadn’t been swayed by his argue- ments against it though they had shared an eggyolk sandwich becoming faster friends when Aggie passed over the bucks…Yup it was for the sake of that dry morsel gummed amid the flowering blossom of Bosom Buddyship that he willingly sacrificed himself… Besides Death rendered all debts null and void..
Clueless about exactly what ingredients were needed…Niggapleez plundered thru the cabinets and guzzled everything in sight…Liters Of Coke and Drain-o..jugs of cod liver oil, turpentine and Yoohoo..buckets of Nivea skin lotion, keroscene and Southern Comfort…and when his gut swooshed to capacity…it was time for Monsta Payback… Fearlessly strapping himself too 500 Fourth Of July rocket thingamabobz…Niggapleez zoned to the flipside of The Ramones, “End Of The Century”, thanked AmeriKKKA for Phil Spector, Dr. Scholls, and the unspeedy due process of The Law…turned to his faithful Teddy Ruxpin and signaled to “Let Er Rip”..and as the fuse was hastily lit, his hamsters in the playrrom could hear him bellow “ I Love The Smell Of Afrosheen In The Morning”…In no time at all Niggapleez was outta there…
FOO FIGHTERS
There goes my hero
Calmly wondering if he had canceled his home delivery of The Times…when KAA-BLOOEY! And HE WUZ…Within minutes the rain gushed outta the heavens as if a Quadrillion Airborne Pregnant Hippos Were Simultaneously Breaking Water…giving Greentown a good drenching and the entire populace triumphant bouts of wallapoohlunga Itching Fever…and faster than you could take a dump, everything was beautiful once more…There were the fabulously wet pool parties and once again the ignorant scab-covered children left their Slip and Slides on high 24 hours a day…One could never tell Greentown had come this close to extinction…everything had returned to normal…
Except for The Dagwood Dakotas…what happened was the first rainfall mixed with Niggapleez’s weird science shake had increased the size and strength of his homie many times over…And that night as The Dagwood Dakotas were sleeping off their meatloaf… Aggie did a bit of consuming himself…and after flosiing he clocked a few zzzzzz…. Dreaming of his new life as an NBC intern…the phonograph defiantly blaring “Do The Bedrock’…
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Pure Genius, Frightening And Hilarious- LA
Weekly”
Madrid Spain 10.88
Due to a considerable lack of pesetas I returned to the pension early…hopped on my dorm bunk…and started reading more of this Faulkner bio, since my copy of Sancturay is a zillion miles away in Sandy’s apartment…Page after page legitimizing The Universal Theory that authors are rather eccentric cats….Look at me for instance…I haven’t even finished college…betta yet,I haven’t really attempted college…and here I am galavanting round Europe like a priveleged brat…Funny how even though Kerouac and Faulkner’s families thought the lads were most definitely off the wall…they never completely gave up on them like my family…I’m not a saint…never have been but I’m not a total waste of human flesh..Problem is they don’t believe in me or my abilities…which I have to agree are pretty minimal at this point…
Outback Champagne
Punksong in my Polo pants
Wool double pleated
Cool Superbeasted
Wasted
Wasted
Fucking Wasted
Graverobbing MGM
Musical Ziegfield Girl
Rules are bullshit in her world
Hatred
Hatred
Fucking hatred
Get outta my studio
I’ve had enough of your fakeness
My reality you can’t avoid
Face It
Taste It
I’m not your nigger boy
Wasted
Wasted
Fucking wasted
Geetar solo shoved up your first class
Deceptive door
Creating epics of war
Kicking your corporate ass
Fast Forward
NEMO
(to Heather at The Breakroom)
Kurt Cobain Will Have His Revenge On Rob Zombie!
REWIND
Nothing
But Lipstick
“Jesse
Chauffer & The Cheap Leisure Suits”
Columbia,
South Carolina 11.87
Like Wow…I left the Mepps Station at noon…and it was no van for this beastie boy… Limo baby limo…Chaueffed by an older black dood named Jesse…..in a Cadillac no less…Alan’s kinda ride…and the only other passenger was this chick Ayenne who had been staying at the Mystic Hilton…
NEMO
Doing what?
AYENNE
Working on the art design for “Mystic Pizza” It’s your
Basic teenage coming of age movie. Done by the same
Production team that made “Dirty Dancing”. I’m sure it’ll
Make alotta money.
Ayenne had been an undergraduate at Rutger’s then studied at USC’s film school..
Now she was living in L.A…I was like “Holyshit a Wish They Could All Be California Girl In The Industry. She Knows Everything”..
NEMO
What about Spike Lee?
AYENNE
That dude thinks he’s so righteous
NEMO
Less Than Zero?
AYENNE
Strictly an L.A. thing
NEMO
Red Hot Chili Peppers
AYENNE
I dig their sound though they’ve been terrorizing
Hollywood for a long while
NEMO
Fishbone
AYENNE
I know Angelo. Ha It’s funny. These are local boys and
It’s strange to hear the kids out here talking about them
Like gods.
NEMO
Tisch School Of Arts.
AYENNE
The movie kids at NYU deal with more unrealized paper
Projects than real down in the dirt stuff, so when they graduate
They think they’re big shit and in actuality they don’t know
The difference between a camera and a handmike.
We lapsed into silence…Ayenne was getting antsy cause she was late meeting her parents at the MOMA and as soon as the limo puured up to 53rd & 5th…she bolted without even so much as a “Goodbye asshole”
FRANKENMIND
AAAAh thank you Maaam may I have another?
AAAAh thank you Maam may I have another?
NEMO
Geez Jessie did you see that?
JESSE
Son them industry people are all the same. She didn’t
Thinkof you as a real person. You was her entertain-
ment for the afternoon. Don’t sweat it though, you got
plans. And from the way you were talking I’m sure you’ll
see em thru.
We arrived at La Guardia Airport at three and I eventually boarded…I had never been on a plane before and me stomach was churning its own paisley parade…
PRINCE
My tambourine.
Rebecca’s right though it wasn’t half bad…Not as bad as my other pains…The night before I barely survived major Becca withdrawals..so at 6:00 am I called…Alan and Regina would still be asleep but I didn’t give a shit…the sweet polly Purebred Incarnate answered and we “talked”…
NEMO & REBECCA
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
Not too original but my so fucking lonely was fixed…later on that day I got hit with em again so I called Stamford High and had Rebecca paged…Posing as her cousin Steven Plumb from Boston I said I needed to tell her where to meet meet me after getting off Amtrack…AND IT WORKED…Sorta…Since she wasn’t in class….I wasn’t surprised in the least….Wish I was going to Boston with her…She has an interview at Bentley…I’m sure she’ll do extremely well…Becca’s The Bride Of Wally Cleaver timewarped to the eighties…her love of the drink thrown in for character…ohyeah Alan likes me… For some reason he’s been hohohumabout me since my return from Massachusetts…He’s done the Army deed so I figured I’d score a few points when I was heading for Fort Jackson…
ALAN
(washing dishes)
That’s nice.
Maybe he and Regina think I made love to Rebecca and resent me for defiling their lil girl…I need to stop trying to have them like me…I’ll never measure up…No one could unless He was God…and knowing those two, they’d still would have their doubts…
ALAN
Sounds good but…
REGINA
Have you ever considered pursuing something more
Stable like insurance?
ALAN
Or real estate?
Landed at Charleston SC…and within 10 minutes I heard the word “Nigger” uttered…
I was in the john…and a few good ole boys Milwaukee Best their way in disguised a business men in their Cheap Leisure Suits…
CHEAP LEISURE SUIT
That nigga’s all fucked up.
Though they got real quiet when they saw me…slurring some bs between them..
CHEAP LEISURE SUITS
Har har har har har har
FRANKENMIND
Suck my root yahooz
Arrived at the military reception where I met…Sgt Hunt…
SGT HUNT
Are you traveling alone private?
NEMO
Yeah
SGT. HUNT
(yelling)
What? Its yes Sgt and don’t let me have to remind you again.
Damn, it’s gonna be a long five weeks.
FAST FORWARD
MotoDegenerate
“Genuine
Draft”
L.A.
CA, 9.94
Theme music please..La La La I don’t have to go to work today…La La La I don’t have to go to work today…Slept outside last night…Knew that was bound to happen…Work that concrete girl…Shredded the enevelope but I couldn’t make it to Francesca’s place in Studio City…like she’d let me stay there anyway…and I had no means of contacting Uncle Phil…I only have his business number and address…Just how he likes it…
THE GETO BOYS
Fuck you.
A couple guys I befriended at the Cheveron Station led me to a parking lot besides the The Lumber King and I crashed hard in my sleeping bag….Warpdeemon dreaming about meeting The Flintstones in Tinseltown…It was a family reunion and HA Francesca was
Pebbles…Rubble Rubble…Hey I wanna be a Flintstone…I wanna be part of The Stone Age Family…I wanna dinosuar for a dawg…I wanna make The Beast move with my feet…And I want Wilma for my Moms…And Fred for My Pops…I mean I have a dad or rather had one..
JANE’S ADDICTION
Had A Dad
He was brave and strong
Then Edgar axed the b-ball and hit the green all day long…so it’s Fred’s turn…Give the guy a go…And why the hell not?…What’s Freddieboy gonna say when you flunk outta Bedrock High and start flipping Brontoburgers at Mickey Deez B.C….Nothing Nada.. Not a single word…Cause he’s schleppin rocks, gratin gravel and even if he forgets him- self after one cold filtered kickapoobrew too many and shouts “ Junior get in gear”…Hit him where it hurts with a “Yo Fred why don’t you, you’ve got boulders to move”…Easy does it though …Hold on for a sec…It ‘s not like that…Fred’s gnarly…He lets you hang at the Water Buffalo Lodge…Get tanked and rag on Mr. Slate…Play practical jokes on Barney…Fred tells you his football war stories and his lousy fucking jokes…You laugh conviently…He spots you fists fulla clams and the keys to the sedan go-cart…It’s a simple arrangement…No fuss no muss…Crooze control family atmosphere..No spew about achievement, GPAs, mergers, aquistions…It’s low calorie artificially flavored junk
Food jive that’s butta on your brainium…You’ve got no expectation to live up to…No noise from the Ole Man cause…FRED’S OUTTA SHAPE…OUTTA STYLE…AND PERMANENTLY OUT TO LUNCH…AND YOU KNOW HE KNOWS YOU KNOW HE’S A FUCKING BUM…JANITORIUS GRANITUS…end of story…end of discussion…
System Interruption System Interruption
Editor’s Note: The Author Is Getting Blitzed Again In The Breakroom blasting Rob Zombie’s “Superbeast” and I- Spies Justin Hampton Seattle’s Graphic Artist Extra-ordinare having a loooooooooooong conversation on the payphone and wonders aloud who he’s calling…Justin can’t be ordering pizza from Piecora’s its just across the street….hmmmmmmmmmmm
GUNS & ROSES
Welcome To The Jungle.
Well the real reason I wanna antichrist superstar with The Yabba Dabba doo crew is to unleash sofa sabatoge kyota song with that Lolita in leopard skins Pebbles…Ain’t nothing prehistoric about those curves…Sabertooth tiger wrapped mantrap…Perfection in warm pantherette…Yeah perfection…Cause she’s a bitching camaro cartoon and if I can’t get a make believe bitch behaving the way she should…Loving me and only me.. it’s back to the drawing board…Literally…and if Bamm-Bamm tries to sweat me.. one phone call to The Lost Boys and his junk supply is thru…over and out…No more plungin in the spike before football practice…he’ll have to taste the pain the same way I do…the hard way…yeah Bamm Bamm was on steroids…nobody but nobody can right down Dark Atari’s alley without a few injections…and obviously Bamm Bamm slipped Pebbles the right one…the hot beef injection…the magnificent meat erection…the exploration of the primetime poontang with a slammin slab of Sir Loin…Bamm Bamm.. beefcake for hire…boytoy to enjoy next to the fire…Brute on a string pleasing Ms. Thang…uh-huh Pebbles knows it pays to ride the best…she’s a stoneage riotgrrl…the four color prequel to Kathleen Hanna and Pebble’s hip to The Secret Of Life…You Gotta ScoobyDoo Whatcha Gotta ScoobyDoo And Joan Jett whatcha gotta Joan Jett When You Can Joan Jett it..Pebbles takes what she wants and nothing else…okay maybe a lil bit more than most…But she figures if the other bitches can’t hold on to their bone machines …it’s their fucking problem…No wait, that’s it…they wish they had one…Pebbles wants her cake and to eat it too…and why not?…she works hard, plays hard and damn she’s gonna come hard so nobody betta get in her way…My kinda gal…Call me a neandrathal if ya wanna but I don’t understand why Fred tolerated Bamm Bamm shopping his home network…Didn’t he have a clue to those stolen red hot moments to quake the quarry.. Didn’t he catch the slightest whiff of wham Bamm Bamm when Pebbles crippled back to the crib wildeyed and woolymammothed…but hey I’m forgetting this ain’t no Father Knows Best…It’s Fred the schmuck who could care less and there’s no chance in hell he’s gonna pry his fat ass off that Lazyboy Posture Pathetic and investigate….No way, He’s too busy bustin a nut, spewing nonsense in my zone..and I’m tellin ya if I’m forced to watch him wiggle “Do The Bedrock” one more time…Dino’s behind is gonna receive the rudeboy rewind…NEMO PUNTS…NEMO SCORES…
Mickey Deez is the fastest..BK’s hashbrowns are the best…But the bitchinest breakfast joint betta than all the rest is…the envelope please….Denny’s…$1.99 right on dine… I’m tellin ya one thing that’s gotta stop is every Tom, Dick, and Jane killin my buzz by relatin their own motorpsycho mishaps…
WESTERN DRAWL
Ya know my Daddy totaled his Harley when he ran over a dog
Gee thanks Mavis, I appreciate you takin the time out but ask yourself this one question.. “Do you think I wanna hear that right about now?”…
ACDC
I’m on the highway to hell
The doomsayers are everywhere..
ACDC
Highway to hell
See them keep on keeping on, watching the skies…hands gripped to The Word Of God desirious to see the road ripped from under you….See you frenchkiss the asphalt… so you can be stuck in the mud for the remainder of his badmotofinger…coveting corpses of fantasies stolen…greedy to see you make the same mistake…sucking wind..dreams hauled away kicking and screaming….Never to be able to conceive the sheen of realiz-ation…the doomsayers are everywhere…Like the Pollyanna Apostle who cornered me in San Miguel, wasting my precious time…time I want to squander on my own sayso.. why do you think I’m on the road….daaaaaaaaahling….she went on to gloat how her daughter survived after crashing into farm machinery, gleefully relatin how it chewed her up and spit out the remains…suggesting it might be dangerous to entertain my movable feast..
FRANKENMIND
Dangerous Dangerous D-D-Dangerous hmmm is that all?
Time to break out the word wealth. It’s risky, it’s chancy
It’s hairy, it’s perilous, it’s hazardous and exactly the way
I want it to be MAAAAAAAAAM
Shit, I’m not like her daughter…jumping on a bike she didn’t know how to man…what did the dumbass expect?…That the spirit of Herbie The Love Bug was gonna guide her thru the chitty chitty bang bang…
SFX: Eeeeeent
GUY SMILEY
Try again contestant
If your head’s still attached to the rest of ya…and good gried The Pollyanna Apostle wasn’t finished…not by a long shot…I baked in the bright desert sun while she droned on…how she and her husband had cheated Death outta obtaining more knuckleheads when the backtire blew on their motorpsycho…weaving all over The Interstate and miraculously she had time to…
POLLYANNA APOSTLE
Call out the name of Jesus
And goshgeewilkers the heavens parted and a kool beam of righteousness guided them to safety…I was trying to figure out why the hell she felt inspired to bore me with this sermon…Did she think I was gonna see the error of my ways, repent and join her cult of cuddly christianity…Maam I don’t give a bloody fuck about you your daughter your husband, your poor excuse of a life..HELLO…I just wanna get some gas and get gone… give me some money or go fuck yourself…It’s got me thinking of this Denny’s situation..
Is the hired help this courteous and appreciative of my patronage?…or does that law suit the administration got slammed with by African American families and secret service men have anything to do with it?….Shucks a few of the franchises weren’t serving us with a smile or for that matter…at all…Bottle up racism…whip it into the sea… and abracadabra whuddayaknow here it comes again…screwing you, screwing me,…Equality everyone’s continually talking about it, examining it, analysing it….
RODNEY KING
Can’t we get along?
SFX; BLAM BLAM BLAM
Next question…NEXT…Cause equality is no where to be seen…it’s pulling a major Houdini…A serious David Copperfield…Sorta like the trick Snufaluffagus was working on Sesame Street…Remember him?…Big Bird’s friend…His ten storey furry friend… They play tag, studpoker, checkers, parcheesi, chutes and fucking ladders..whatever.. you get the idea, they’re bosom buddies…Big Bird’s always bragging about him…Problem is nobody else has seen him…No Bob, Not Maria, Not the Deaf Chick…Big Bird gets a rap
…He’s a liar, a con…The huge yellow dood’s on dope….on crack, shooting smack along with Layne Staley, leadsinger of Alice In Chains..Wrong more like Alice In A Serious Stupor…Big Bird gets a new playmate..It’s called Monkey On My Back…It’s a long hard fall to the bottom..the rockbottom…he’s evicted outta his nest…He’s gotta shack up with Oscar The Grouch…Big Bird’s gotta deal with his noise, his moods, his ranting and raving…Oscar’s wiggin out…Why?…he’s a manic depressant, a fucking maniac…One second he’s up…the next he’s down…and there’s no relief in sight cause his ass can’t handle Prozac…and on top of all that, there’s Oscar’s girlfriend..Prunella…Riotbitch from hell…Riotbitch with an attitude…Riotbitch with no job….Girlygirl trying to be so Fifth Ave…and she’s two steps from livin on the corner in a KFC box…shit, she’s cribb-in in a trashcan so she doesn’t have that far to fall..We’re talkin the Major Leagues Of Bitchdom…a heavyhitter…like usually in the crotch…Why?…cause she’s a bitch… It’s her way of Life…Her mode of go…It’s what gets her thru the day…Besides he’s the former big kahuna Big Bird and he’s crashing on her couch..Him and his monkey both smacked outta their minds…He’s in no condition to retaliate..No condition to just say no when Prunella puts the moves on him…No condition to get it up and perform the way she likes it…HARD…So Prunella’s insulted…she lies to Oscar about the shituation..Big Bird's out on his ear, on the sidewalk, sucking down Metadone talking about his Wonder Years..yeah that’s the real Seasame Street…the one that happens right after you turn the t.v. off…shit I gotta break…I need to get to Landmark Entertainment before noon… and I’ve never been in North Hollywood before…
FAST FORWARD
Vigilantes
Of L.O.V.E.
“Jane
Sez But Romeo Still Bleeds”
Todos
Santos, Baja CA 9.95
Back in San Francisco today…Greaseball…The Annual Rockabilly Festival is underway at DNA…2pm til late….with tons of bands like Flathead…Deadbolt…Billy Bacon and The Forbidden Pigs…Haunted Hayride…plus hotrods, hairdos, tattoos, beer, food, even more beer, guest djs, even more beer…and I’m copying this right off the handbill I took from Villians…so don’t think I’m trying to be so damn clever clever…I mean…I AM…
But not this time out…and of course it’s just my luck that the summer’s bitchinest show is gonna rage when Jody and I are way the fuck outta town…Todos Santos…Todos Santos…Todos Santos…
FRANKENMIND
It’s all a circle. It’s all a line. Deep Space Nine.
Like the rewind I escaped the Wylds of Suburbia and snaked to Amsterdam only to discover Jane’s Addiction had wurmed mad magick in highstyley a few daze before.. But it was okay cause my Future Lord Machine had seriously o.d.’d on the band in the United States Of Hysteria…having vizzed their sold out show at The Ritz…the day before or after Thanksgiving….I was amped up ready to let the freak fly….Pumped up…ready to be…
JANE’S ADDICTION
Oceansize.
Tons of Jill and Jonny Come Latelys were squatting outside trying to jockey the jazz… doing that Grateful Dead thang jammin scammin for a miracle ticket…and I hope all the deadheads enjoyed those freewheelin zoom to zoom follies cause now The Ticketmaster has fallen from The Wall…And all the King’s Horses and all the King’s men can’t take a dump cause the TNT has blown away the stall…
R.E.M.
Dream Dream Dream
Though I suspect they haven’t buried Garcia…but rather have his bulging corpse…Made of Elvis…Shades Of Elvis…stashed away in the hills of San Rafael…bolted to the best THX some 20 odd years of
NEMO
Jody what’s the name of that Grateful Dead song?
JODY
I don’t even know. That’s how much I’m not into them.
NEMO
Oh
JODY
Sorry baby it’s just that this book is getting real good.
Lestat just killed these two girls.
Is her reply and resumes reading the vampire interviews…turning a slow page…okay, let me try this again…His bulging corpse bolted to the best THX some 20 odd years of…
TRUCKIN!…can buy…The stockholders of Warlock Inc hoping to megajolt him outta his peace and
TEACHER TEACHER
Quiet!
And back on stage to keep the lucrative circus alive and well…”It’s a lie. It’s a lie” shrieks Frankenmind’s Monster but the villagers don’t give a bloody fuck…They need their hip hope hooray…They need their Jane Sez…
JANE’S ADDICTION
Have you see my wig around?
I feel naked without it.
The show’s betta than even I had intcipated…the Boys are crawling on the inside of the spider…Perry’s looking deliciously sinister…Black velvet jacket…black velvet black…
And he still has his dreads…though they aren’t Sigmund & The Seamonster green any more…but the slaap bootiful THWAAP! of faroff freaking space…
KROFFT SUPERSTAR ONE
Hey Sid
KROFFT SUPERSTAR TWO
Yeah Marty
KROFFT SUPERSTAR ONE
I’m thinking of that Gary Oldman guy for the mooooovie.
So I’m standing near the bar being suburban goboybuff in my Bob Mould Black Sheets Of Rain tee..when my head’s whacked from behind…
SFX; KAAACHUNK
I turn around reeeeeeel fucking kwik…
FRANKENMIND
This muthaphucka’s dead.
And HA! Its my kidbrutha Trip and he’s gunning that chesire cat grin of..
INGA
Tag you’re it!
Trip tells me, he and his friend…Jason…a hulking white boy Hardware shelled out sixty bux a pop for tickets to this pleasure parade…He’s drunk off his ass and I’m speechless cause I haven’t seen him in ages…and I’ve never had the privelege to vizz him in public so handsome and unpredictable…though there’s no time for shock…Nothing I mean nothing is gonna get in our way…This is the storm we’ve been waiting for and we wanna take the first stab at its eye…Trip shoves the bottle of Smirnoff in the side pocket of his long bloo overcoat…its an Echo & The Bunnyman biz…
ETB
Bring on the new messiah
Whereever he may roam
And together we
SFX: STOMP STOMP STOMP
To the front of the stage…big black boots chantin’
TRIP & NEMO
This ain’t no whiteboythang.
SFX; DOOM DOOM
TRIP & NEMO
This ain’t no whiteboythang.
SFX; DOOM DOOM
Even though they try and make it so cause outta this overcapacity crowd in a popular New York venue…that used to be in the pulsating snatch of the not so portable lower eastside..and nows uptown Studio 54 dead and gone…Trip and I spy only three other weird niggas and they don’t count cause they won’t look us fool in the face like a weird nigga should…and if we constantly pondered the realdeal 411 we’d never have any fun...naaah we’re…
JANE’S ADDICTION
Coming down the mountain
Midway thru the splendorous disease, Trip and I get seperated…Look around and found my brutha was no longer there…and I wasn’t too worried cause I knew from Grandma’s secondhand reports about his undivine wine late nite wanderings…that in all this insanity he could take care of himself…but still…Minutes later, I see the burly bruiseboys pummeling a stoopid skatenik cause he tried to rush the stage…You say kid…I say cowboy…and they squit squit mash him out the side door and I could barely see him thru the brutal action of their white fists…and it ain’t til the circus is over and the phaat lady sings...killer new techno track...killer new techno track.…15 million Peckinpahs per second…that I met up with Trip outside…Sweaty and defiant he tells me The Cowboy was him…and not only had the bruiseboys thrown him out before he could climax.. before he could…
JANE’S ADDICTION
Cash in now honey
Cash in now baby
They had been kicking him…punching him…calling him nigga…aaaaah yes, Groovie Koolie Cosmopolitan Manhattan…oh yeah do whutchwanna do Gotham City… they had kicked my brutha…they had kicked my brutha…THEY HAD KICKED MY BRUTHA…
And the thought wouldn’t leave me be…and I knew I had to set matters straight…Soo Trip, Jason and me confront those assholes and we scream and howl and taunt and cuss and eventually those darn kidz gathered outside see what’s going down… going down..
Going down…and hear our righteous cries of
JASON, TRIP & NEMO
Who you callin nigga muthaphucka?
And they bellow in response…
THOSE DARN KIDZ
End racism.
And its getting unruly and hella loud and those cocksure grins the bruiseboys sported have disappeared…They’re nervous..
JANE’S ADDICTION
I’m in the midst of a trauma.
They’re scared…
JANE’S ADDICTION
Leave a message.
They’re fucked…
JANE’S ADDICTION
I’ll call ya back
We were occupied with having a good time but now the Mod Squad had got his back…. Oh shit this can revolutionize evolutionize darwinize into a Duddley Do The Right Thing …an ultraviolet boot crusssssssssssh with girls and boys who ain’t gotta beef with The Black…Trip senses his monsta payback is right around the corner…or rather the vodka has ensured him an evening of immortal strength…and he starts walking closer to the urban rednex bewildered stares and desperate clutching fists…
JANE’S ADDICTION
Some people should die
That’s just unconcious knowledge
I grab him…
NEMO
Naah naaah man, come on let’s go.
If it was me alone I would have cared less and commenced with the captain caveman… I wouldn’t have given a bloody fuck…that’s my trademark…not some posturing… not some posing…and if you think you’re so hard…if you think you’re so b.a.d.67… by all means let me see you motorpsycho from techcoast to eastcoast…
JANE’S ADDICTION
Naked and unashamed.
Come on young gun, I got your ticket….wanna go wanna go wanna go wanna go for a rrride…
SFX; DOOM DOOM
Like I told Grandma I’m a gawddamn cockroach…think I’m deceased, done in and HELLO…I’m
JANE’S ADDICTION
Comin down the mountain.
Cause ya see I’m Archy and Jody’s Mehitabel…and we are two unrehearsed preachers of pleasure…
SFX; DOOM DOOM
But my brutha’s a krazy kid wanting to believe in a world that is presently beyond our grasp…a child I used to play trix on more than once…though right now no fucking way are a bunch of scareoid gimps with micronauts dicks gonna work over my kindred spirit planet drum with their blue meanies…soo Jason and I drag Trip to the street’s intersec-tion with Broadway…where he wrestles himself free and stands fantastic like a hooligan Lord of The Rings…soars majestic like a Clockwork Orange Cosby Kid…and his lungs release a deafening lullaby…
TRIP
I’M A BLACK MAN. I’M A GOD
And for a few seconds or soo Midtown pauses and the siddylights champion the strange reality of its true son…and the passerbyers nervously smile for they know he’s right… or so I like to think…
REWIND
Odds
& Endsville
“Alley
Oops, Josie Ain’t No PussyCat”
Seattle,
WA 11.92
Dissed again…Three times in the summer of ’89…First it was the goth barbwiredkisses Terri, then Erin the Nebraskan amazon and finally Angel a daydream come true direct from Brooklyn…The World NYC’s shag shack was where I got housed by the pretty pain of this swirlin solid gold ho…Flying so high off a cocaine buzz…I was ambushed by a snatch attack so severe…it could only be cured by having Angel’s Puerto Rican pussy jump over Connecticut’s white picket fences and make a rush for this Spike’s Joint… or in other words…
FRANKENMIND
My dick
Since she was paying me no nevermind…I lined her up in my sights..readied my lines and floated across the dance floor…Taking a cue from The Jerry Lewis Vid Library of Smooth Moves…I tripped myself stumbling into Angel’s heartstopping humpsteadygrind ….me hands kwikly coppin a feel of those cappucino colored tits..two superfine prisoners of war standing at attention…trapped behind her bra ready to do my bidding…
NAZI SOLDIER
Seig Heil Seig Heil
Aaaaaaaaaaaw sheet…she caught my eye and smiled..yeah she knew what wuzzup..
FRANKENMIND
My dick
And damn me with no condoms…No problem…I was a subliminal kid and I’d spooky the deejay to pass me the prophalactic props later on…spinning away I readjusted my Gotta Get That Girl..and the Behind Sight proved to right on time…Baby had serious back tucked in her silky black slacks…every sorcerous sway of Angel’s going straight to my apprentice…in other words…
FRANKENMIND
My dick
SFX; yo yo whoa wwwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Wait a minute…the burning yearning had less to do with Angel than I thought…more like the gallon of Crazy Horse needing a release…Had to pull an Ironman and hold it.. cause if I took time to piss, I’d miss….
INTERFERING PATTERNS
…..My Doors Alive…
INTERFERING PATTERNS
Would end before me Peace Frog could Morrison Hotel Her Gloria…so for the next twenty minutes as the pleasure peeked thru the pain…I watched The Beautiful One go crazy raspberry beret purple rain…But sooner rather than later my jimmy mack was moaning that its golden shower had to
AMITYVILLE HORROR
Get Out.
Slithering into Angel’s vision again I motioned to the side of the door…She smiled softly and nodded “Si”…I kwikly bolted the bwaaaaaaaaaaang outta there before losing all control of my composure…
SFX; ZZZZZZZZZZZZZIP.SPOOOOOING! pissssssss ssssip pissssss pst pst pst
Pssst pissssssssssssssssssssssssssss psst pssst…dribbble dribble..AAAAAAH
The balls back in my possesion I waited for The Beautiful One’s arrival on the court for a lil one on one…Dreamworking a blissful mob of please please me memories between us two… a stargazing sidewalk romance of Rockefeller Center Statue Of Liberty cheap chinese….ya know just plain trippin…so imagine my surprise when the door went…
SFX; CLANG
And out exploded…SHE-BULK…this bitch was big…I mean BIIIIIIIIIIIG… so huge her rambling chant of “Do me right Baby” was guaranteed to thwaap constellations outta alignment…
NANCY REAGAN
Ronald we have a problem.
BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG…a mountainous heap of sweaty flesh packed in a green army tent cascading over orange Girbauds pleading for social asylum…
THE FLY
Help me.
Barkley mighta trashed Godzilla but this Queen Kong would have taken em both out with a mere swig of her enormous E.T.
SHE-BULK
Yo Angel was telling me how yooz was checkin me out.
So wuzzzzzzzzzzzzzup? You wanna gos somewhere.
NEMO
(spluttering)
Angel?
SHE BULK
Yeah my goorlfriend who I was dancing wid. Da one wid
The short cut black hair. That bitch is so fine and usually
All da guys are trying to run some tired game on her. She
Loves it though so I was kinda pissed youse was into me.
No doubt Angel was experiencing a certain emotional wavelength but sumpdin told me it wasn’t envy…My egotistical posturing had been rightbackatched by Ms. Rumpnstuff… Now I don’t know if any of you guys have been in this situation, so let me tell ya how to avoid it…NEVER GET IN IT…But since I wasn’t presented with that kinda luxury myself…
FastForward
INGA
Nemo I don’t know what you’re talking about
NEMO
You cast the spell ‘Nemo Spelled Backwards Is Omen’
Now its happening.
INGA
I have to go.
NEMO
Hong Kong baby Hong Kong baby
Rewind
Ill be gracious and let cha in on a secret manuever called The Wurm…Ssssssh no questions til after the screening…
NEMO
Hey yo oh shit what time is it? My boy Rob’s gotta be
Wondering where I’m at. Nigga’s my ride.
SHE-BULK
He probably don’t know no difference. DJs fucking up the
Club wid dem grooves.
NEMO
Yeah but we were supposed to leave an hour ago and that
Nigga’s real impatient. Microwaves his laundry and shit.
Uhuhmmm so what’s your name?
SHE-BULK
Josie
NEMO
Josie like Josie and The Pussycats.
JOSIE
Who?
NEMO
Josie and the Pussycats. It’s a Hanna Barbera cartoon. Used
To be on t.v. during the 70’s. You know Scooby Doo?
JOSIE
Yeah
NEMO
Same thing.
JOSIE
Oh alright but I didn’t come out here to talk about no
Cartoon. What’s your name.?
NEMO
Nemo.
JOSIE
I gotta cousin named Nemo too though the way you say it
It sounds german. You from Germany?.
NEMO
No, Norwalk Connecticut.
JOSIE
Connecticut huh? I ain’t never been out there.
NEMO
(glancing at nonexistent watch)
Josie tell ya what why don’t you give me your number
And I’ll give you a call cause I really gotta go.
JOSIE
That’s too bad cause I thought weez could kinda well you know.
Her beastiness slothed fastforward blotting out the night sky…and from the raging hunger in her eyes…I knew my future would soon be too dark to wear shades.. My incessant worries over The Apocalypse had finally materialized in the form of a horny humongous…Before I could utter anything close to a response Josie’s lips engulfed my face…Her tremendous suction action surpassing the power of a thousand black holes..
This fierce feeding frenzy Josie tragically confused as kissing pressed play in sed Nigga’s head…treating me to a sidvicious display of Creature Feature vid splices…a twilight’s last gleaming of my short life’s memory banks swooshed before Tex Avery eyes..Ready to succumb to this greeting from The Great Beyond Beyond…when the door went…
SFX; CLANG!
Reviving hopes of a last minute rescue..ripping my face from Josie’s lips I let loose the wildest shriek the Milky Way had ever heard…
NEMO
AAAAAAHHH!
Immediately conjuring the desired insult..
JOSIE
(stumbling backwards growling)
Whuddaphuck is up wid you bitch?
With barely enuff energy left for the 20th century I crashed to the comforting earth whimpering future world forecasts…
NEMO
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ANGEL
(squatting over me)
You’re too much woman for him Josie. Forget him,let’sgo.
JOSIE
Yeah girlfriend I hear ya. I just wanna say avidisane to this
Goddamn bitch muthaphucka.
Accenting her sudden command of the German language, Josie punted two amazingly accurate shots to my groin…
SFX; FOOPT FOOPT
Welding with Mother Nature’s Avenue ABCD I watched thru bloodshot eyes as the two Brooklyn Harbringers of Dancehall Doom retreated into the mayhem cackling hysteri- cally…Only awakening who knows how long later to vizz a buncha club kids make off with my two tone suede creepers….
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Into
The Arms Of Americans”
Madrid,
Spain 10.88
Lazyhazy spanish sweet indian summer daze…the earliest I fall outta my bunk is round 11:30….and no I don’t feel guilty…new earring…old jeans…with Terence Trent Darby’s neoMotown sound WORD) my spastic thoughts…three way calling with
SFX; click switch click
What kinda mood am I in?…who knows
JANE’S ADDICTION
Here we go
Unpolished boots…hey they’re supposed to look that way…lead me to the Plaza Del Sol.
SATURDAY…everyehere around the world….unpolished boots…hey they’re supposed to look that way…cross paths with an Asian girl with a map…Virgina
NEMO
Is that where you’re from?
VIRGINA
No, that’s my name. I’m from Seattle.
Unpolished boots…hey they’re supposed to look that way…telephone center… hot line to Mom…call collect…send me mo money sez The Mary Mary Quite Contrarys From Darien..Me, I just want someone to reach out and touch me right here and now..LOVE..
Its all within your grasp…I spot this girl…
NEMO
You look familiar. What’s your name?
GIRL ON THE PHONE
Tina Yowee.
Lisa’s kid sister…Lisa and I had the honorable distinction of being voted West Morris Class Of 85’s class clowns….how perceptive of them…HEY PEOPLE SOMETIMES YOU ACT LIKE A FREAK TO KEEP FROM CRYING CAUSE YOU GOTTA SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH YOUR MOM WHILE YOUR DAD’S IN PUERTO RICO ON A BUSINESS TRIP AND WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL WILL BE UNLEASHED. AND HEY PEOPLE SOMETIMES YOU ACT LIKE A FREAK TO KEEP FROM REBEL YELLING HOW IN YOUR DREAM SPIRITS TELL YA TO SLICE HER WITH A BUTTERKNIFE AND EVERYTHING WILL BE NICE NICE AGAIN…HEY PEOPLE HEY PEOPLE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYPEOPLE WAAAAAAAAKE
WAAAAAAAAAAAAKE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE WAAAAAAAAAAAAKE
WAAAAAAAAAKE UP!According to Tina, Lisa now does her Elvis impressions in raunchy biker bars…Me, I left mine behind in New Jersey..too bad I couldn’t leave the uncertainty and the hurt in the past too…Gee that last line sucked but fuck I ain’t getting paid for this shit…Tina writes down the info…anutha number anutha slip of paper to lose …unpolished boots…Mickey Deez…More Americans…two women, one bitch… spoiling the rest of my day…makes me want anutha beer…Skol Lager…back at the pension..
SEXY SAM I AM
Water with that bread?
Comix, beercans, phillycreamcheese…bye bye see ya in Morrocco..three minus one makes two...or does it?...unpolished boots…side by side with dingy tennis shoes… Jack insists on pursuing Purcells….onward ho into the spanish night…Notice a girl..she notices me..what is that all about?…try to read her face…can’t get past the pain.. can’t get past the physical…wait an hour and a half…to see thirty seconds of U2 as they stride from a black limo…thirty seconds of Bono, The Edge, Larry Curly Moe, No the bassist dude with the Buddy Holly glasses..what’s the hubub, bub?…Premiere of the movie… Rattle & Hum…I wander away disappearing into my yellow submarine…cause I’m the forgotten Beatle and this is a Hard Day Night…unpolished boots trudge down the street..
FRANKENMIND
Beware Poetry Moment
I’m……….in the…..midddle…..of the ….hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighway….carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs
FRANKENMIND
You can come out now, it’s safe.
More habla englais…a whopper numbs the anxiety…a coupla bites and whuddayaknow
FRANKENMIND
He’s doin it again. Anutha Poetry Moment Ugh
More………..american…GIRLS…Anna..Cheri…And A Black Girl…Sistah Soldier why can’t I remember your name?….Madonna song. Madonna song. “The Rebel is a piece of reasoning in the great tradition of French logic”- Charles J. Rollo…Alantic Monthly
REWIND
Nothing
But Lipstick
“Marion
Davies In A Hearst Production”
Columbia,
SC 11.87
Having had only two hours of sleep…if you can call it that…and I almost died when I saw the last few hours of guard duty were all mine..Envision me striding back and forth between the aisles of beds…babbling…babbling…missing Rebecca….DUH… She’s going to see Squeeze with Justin..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww, ain’t that sweet…Ha betta not screw with my girl or his fat ass is mine during Christmas break…I got to keep my hair for another day…was able to sit for a bit….pick my “fro” and ponder poetically before the inevitale showdown with Uncle Sam’s Sweeney Todd disciples…
CULTURE CLUB
Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really wanna make me cry?
SWEENEY TODD
If I enertained any thoughts of leaving this gig, they’re history…I don’t wanna be seen in public with a haircut like this…Major rule…we can’t fraternize with the female recruits…gee, that’s so hard I love communicating with lowerlife forms…these “babes” are strictly ruff ruff bowwow…except for this blonde…Maybe its my heightened spidey sense but I was so sure about having this altercation with :L.A…an exjock from UCLA or so he sez…I was planning to penpaper after lights out when it happened…One of the platoon leaders was chewing me out for using the phone during formation…
STEVE MARTIN
Well excccuuuuuuuuuuuuusse me.
And I got pelted in the back with ??????…Spying L.A. behind the wall lockers laughing I went up to him and demanded some respect…HA!…Faster than the Flash can fullspeed to Hell and back…LA picked me up and threw me against the wall…People came rushing over though and it dissapated before any big kaapow could punch its way Into existence…we’ve got quite a character in our platoon…Grover T. Washington ..The cat’s always holding on to his goddamn dick…If every dood in Houston is as preoccupied with gripping their gonands no matter what the task their doing I’ll make sure to avoid the city at all costs…What’s even funnier is when we got fitted for our uniforms…the staff couldn’t find a hat to fit Grover’s wide harlem globetrotter head..I picked up my Class As and got a huge surprise…I’m a PFC…Private First Class…hmmmm that’s definitely not on my contract but I ain’t saying shit…If I do there’ll be ahuge decrease in my already ptiful paycheck..from 6am to 5pm our major task was getting ready for inspection… Hurry up and wait…A dude un the 13th Platoon ran to get his bunk as Sgt. Brown came in
…The floors had just been buffed and he slide past his bunk and flew thru the fucking window…
GOOF TROOP RECRUITS
(clapping hands)
Encore Encore
Drill Sgt Who The Fuck Cares has the entire Bravo 15 introduce ourselves and tell why we entered the service…the responses varied from the obvious “ I did it for the money” to the pathetic “ I see it as my first real vacation”…I don’t think anyone was ready for my response…
NEMO
I’m CENSORED and I’m from Norwalk, CT and I joined the
Army because of the college fund. Plus I plan on being a writer
And from what I’ve read most successful artits whether they’re
Poets, painters, or playwrights have suffered a great deal before
Their careers took off. So I joined The Army in order to pay my
Dues.
There were a few laughs…mostly awkward silence…until some moron saw an opening in my armor and ragged me fierce about me feet…
GOOF TROOP 1
They’re skateboards.
GOOF TROOP 2
Canoes.
GOOF TROOP 3
This isn’t Bedrock, it’s the army.
GOOF TROOP 4
Yeah write a poem about that.
Our platoon is losing a guy affectionaly known as Ronnie Mishaps…he’s always in trouble…when we asked why he was being given a general discharge…he mumbled
“Personal Reasons”…later on we found out his bloodstream was so loaded with junk …any vampire sucking his blood would be flat on its ass ocean everlasting for years at a time…Ronnie didn’t have any funds left after being afflicted by the PX crazies so Lee took my hat..??????…and passed it around collecting money from all the guys…raising a whopping $13.00…L.A.’a advice to him was…
L.A.
Buy a bottle of Bacardi. Get fucked up. Get some pussy
And everytime you put that muthaphucka in I want you
To yell “Bravo 15”
I feel soory for Ronnie because from his comments earler he felt the army was his last chance at turning his life around…Made me realize this shit’s a bitch but I don’t want to go back to Connecticut…there’s nothing for me there…Sure there’s Rebecca but..
FAST FORWARD
MotoDegenerate
“Laughing Really Loud”
L.A., CA
9.94
WEEZER
Ooooooweee I look just like Buddy Holly
Scored the Weezer audio from the DGC office….Swung by Sunset Boulevard this afternoon to see Chrissy..ya know shoot da shit…get the latest industry 411 and.. uhum
Borrow twenty bux…she was booshog as usual and didn’t preach about being responsible
Grrl’s got it going on…moving on up to that deluxe apartment in the sky….Chrissy used to handle publicity for The Posies and White Zombie but Tom Zito the head of A&R…
He signed Guns& Roses…was replaced by Roberta Petersen so she’s her assistant now..
Chrissy’s been hip to my lucky lager shit ever since I freakphoned her from Philly in 93
CHRISSY’S FAX
Nemo is a whirlwind of cultural influences, all rolled into
One. A skewed combination of writer/performance artist/
Promoter and hipster. With a million ideas a minute one
Of them has to be good.
My attempt was to concoct a White Zombie profile when my prescence was still tolerated at The Rocket…
GRANT ALDEN
So here’s the thing. My job is to find a way to work your
Voice into this rag. Your trick is to be patient while I do that,
Still tolerated until I told Grant to shove his grunge rock where the black hole don’t
Sunshine…
NEMO
(flipping Grant the bird)
Monster Truck Driver this pal.
Something that wasn’t adequetly addressed in our final “professional” communication…
GRANT’S FAX
Dear Nemo…as of receiving this letter you are to cease and
Desist from using The Rocket’s name as a reference for your
Work. The Rocket is no longer interested in publishing your
Work or in having you represent us to the outside world. I have
Made it clear to you on several occasions what behavior is
Appropriate and how I wish this publication to be represented in
Public. Clearly you are unable to manage those modest standards.
WHATEVER…Grant must of thought I was too stupid not to unearth the real reason for my sudden induction to their inner circle was purely politics of slam dancing…Weeks after I first met Roberta Penn, The Rocket’s senior editor at the Malcolm X press screen-ing , she told me everyone in the office was reading my Stranger Tales From The Crypt and suggested I approach Grant about freelancing for them. So I blasted into the office and the first thing outta his mouth was...
GRANT
I don’t read the paper so I haven’t any idea what your
Style is like.
FRANKENMIND
Really I don’t read your rag either BITCH
Unfazed I asked…
NEMO
What are your politics like?
GRANT
Excuse me?
Uh was this guy the missing link or what?
NEMO
Are you gonna let me say what needs to be sed?
GRANT
Well Nemo we believe in taking risks when they are
Warranted..
Great just fucking great…Yet I had my buddies at The Stranger too thank for that boost outta the frying pan into the fire…after my fiery exit from their supersecret Wallingford
Location…
NEMO
(screaming outside)
Hey Keck what’s the price of keroscene these days?
Some phonecall from a Savage eeeeeeediot warned Alden not to publish my garagerock
Gangstar cuz I was “uncontrollable”…Good one buttplug cuz Grant and The Rocket’s publisher are the guys you’ve been locking horns with since The Stranger’s inception…
And Grant figured he could rein me in …well Keck and Alden both need lessons in new math when it comes to dealing with The Kid cuz I’m…
WHITE ZOMBIE
Burning down the highway
The way Zombie and I crossed paths is like a spooky scene from a Hammer Studios monster movie…Fall of 92 I was on the verge of insanity schlepping mags at Broadway News…sure I was finally westcoasting getting my Masters Of The Universe Scene Scheme underway but something was..well shit…slacking…and I knew selling Birdfeeder Monthly to numbskulls at The Broadway Market was not the ticket to explode
NEMO
I wanna get outta here. I wanna get outta here.
And WORD….gawdawful making change day a posse of mysterios moseyed into the newsstand…Whiffs of alienearthstrangersinastrangeland oozed from their wardrobe… nocturnal leather, brutish jeans littered with patches..tentacled dreads that screamed
Enemyminefactoryservice..all surrounded in a divine Apocalypse and How special sauce
Radical with a captial RAD….it took em less than three minutes to assault the music mag rack…
SFX;ZZZAAAAP!
Then split…
SFX: SWOOOSH!
I was dumbfounded…I was pissed..I was E-N-V-I-O-U-S..resentful of the freedom they seemed to possess and flaunt with a vengeance…Freedom the bodymovinmix that makes trax after you’ve scambled to the Top Of The Pops to satistfy your hungry hungry hippo..
SUICIDAL TENDENCIES
I
just wanted a Pepsi.
Soo that night at The Moore Theater I was sureshocked as shit to witness the same arrogant fuckheads rip the rug from under Danzig’s ass with they heavymental hybrid Beyond Space and Time dance trance…
WHITE ZOMBIE
Nineteen
SixtyFive Five Five Come On
Right then and there W.Z became the soundtrack to The Nemo mo lifestyley entitled I’m Gonna Get Mine Suckas…though if my memory surfs me correct…this wasn’t the first time I encountered them..try 1988…at New York’s New Music Seminar part of the Naked Raygun/Pussy Galore/ABCedarians showdown..where I managed to act like the most unamazing fanboy geekmeister in front of Kim Gordon… I think she only signed my program cuz how often are you accosted by an alternative negro professing eternal love then reveals he and the other membres of his suburban circle jerk had experienced
Simulatenous orgasms while blasting DayDream Nation…
DARK ATARI
So that’s what you Jack Rockagwd and Donnie were doin
In the back of the Anthrax.
DEE
Oooooooh I’m tellin Momma
Best believe I’ve got no green til Uncle Phil downloads the dinero…Most of Chrissy’s twenty went straight into The Beast’s gas tank…And he had the nerve to grumble when I bought myself a hot dog…I was asking for trouble by motoring to his office..yeah Landmark Entertainment in North Hollywood…MountainDewing past the security desk, elevators swoooooshing me to those plush places above the new pollution…
THE VOICE OF OTIS
Congratulations misfit you have entered into the land of LA’s elite
Isn’t it great you’re no longer one of Them. Yes the end does justify
The means. CAUTION If you disagree with that last remark imm-
Ediately return to the security desk where you will be promptly es-
Corted to the parking lot and shot..enjoy your trip.
The secretaries freaked at the sight of my tarstained poleclimbers & dirty jeans…how dirty my “calvins” are black and you can still see the stains…
SNOOTY SECRETARY
And whom are you looking for again?
NEMO
Phil Mendez, I’m his nephew.
FRANKENMIND
Yeah bitch I’m walking tall and I’m gonna makes copies
Gonna use the phone. I’ll take my coffee to go. Cream real
Sugar no sweet & low. Don’t deny me, front me or say no
The name is Nemo…N-E-M-O
Shooting myselfin the foot I know but I can’t help it…even if Uncle Phil is fueling my motorbility…should know what happened last year….He took me out to lunch, read my stuff, sed it was impressive…and that he’d be more than willing to help his sister’s oldest son…Uncle Phil had left the eastcoast twentyfive years ago in search of realizing his dream of being an animator…He was one of the first black dudes to scrawl for Walt Disney and Hanna Barbera…formed his own studio, producing a coupla Saturday Morning Cartoons…Kissy Fur…which had a shortrun on NBC…and Fufur…He was one of the storyboard artists on Bebe’s Kids …so outta the creative westcoast kooks I figured he would understand me…afterwards he dropped me off at Cal Arts andsed once I got back to Connecticut ..hang tight and wait for his chunka change check when his own animated feature “ Wiffle In the Moo” went in production..The check that was gonna buy me a Powerbook soo I could finally catchacab on the superhighway of information…the check that was gonna propel me into the Mondo2000-WiredCyberiaWorld That Jones Made… the check that was gonna zip me to Oxford during the Christmas Season so I could gash open old sexual wounds with my exBrit girlfriend Dawn…The check that was gonna let me ease off the throttle of gottago gottago and let me catch my breath..the check that was gonna turbolover me off the streets and let me be slightly human…THE CHECK… THAT….NEVER… ARRIVED…Tony Handal and I tried calling him but Uncle Phil covered his tracks and changed the number….an unlisted number of course…a ruthless manuever resulting in a boogeybomb cover my behind for sixmonths on the lower east side…Thru sixteen fucking snow storms and a lotta high time watching Roseanne rereuns with Gargoyles Mechanigue Laboratory’s loose cannons Dan Green..Jason, and Spinner…Alotta those frigid winter nights we would chase our frostbitten tails into Ace Bar…LAUGHING REALLY LOUD… pooling our change for pitchers of WORD, leaning against the pinball machines while giving the season’s new crop of lukabop artschool chicks well rehearsed vacant stares
JOAN JETT
Do you wanna touch
Do you wanna touch
Do you wanna me there?
or if we had been able to shakedown a relative for a few hundred, spaceinvade Lucky Strikes, …LAUGHING REALLY LOUD…the roaches flicked from our Soho Sunday Best…and dream spend grants we knew Manhattan’s Art Fag Factory would never let us score…but hey it wasn’t all that bad cause we were LAUGHING REALLY LOUD… Plus Darius James and I met at The Nuyorican Poets Café…
DARIUS FLYER SCRIBBLE
What I hate is the impulse one presumes is
“poetry” so the shit sounds
Like its written by the same hand, spoken by the
same voice. I have a
Headache.
Darius who introduced me to the chocolate siddy side of The LES LitShit crowd. Mr. Steve “Bang Groove And Jive Around” Cannon and David “ Excuse Me While I Kiss The Sky” Henderson…I also trapped Denis Leary in the elevator as we both exited Full Circle Managemnet and proceeded to rant my depraved…
DENIS
So what are you working with Jason?
NEMO
Uh I think he likes my stuff but I don’t think he like me.
DENIS
Oh
Leary was generous downloading info about The Edinburgh Fringe Festival but it was easy to decipher what’s my line behind his toothy smile
DENIS
Yeah Yeah it’s good kid but move outta my way before
I run you over with my limo.
Did a gig at CBGB’s courtesy of Liz Penta…She was lazing in front of the Performance Gallery with David Byrne and I was hard at work, waving Chrissy’s DGC stamp of approval, pleading for a date for the 7 zillionth time and I guess Liz didn’t have the industry rude to destroy me as a Talking Head looked on…
LIZ
Okay I’ve got an opening on February 13th. You’re on.
Too bad the heavens dumped snow all over NYC the evening before and nobody showed except for The Gargoyles…Crept icy corners….LAUGHING REALLY LOUD… with fellowbold as love Seattlelite painter extraodrinaire…Neil Vandervloed…I have few idols but The Supersuckers and Neal lead the pack…He smokes Drum siggyrets..
NEIL
Waaadayamean you don’t know how to roll? I guess you
Want me to wipe your ass too.
Hates barbques…
NEIL
Actually its not the people I hate. It’s the food.
Has koolbeattoshit boots…a kool Lisa lady… akool kid Jake..the defest collection of oleskool scific books…and if he ever injects an engine into it…the slamminest Ford door croozeship in The States..His paintings are a wicked sojurn of robots, sex and random death on a blind date…and it’s a shame he ain’t a nigga junkie cuz suckas come lately would be lauding him as the heir apparent to The Basquait Kingdom…he could help em out by growing those dreads like I suggested….His Flamingo East exhbit was the joint even had Madonna’s people freaking over his demented designs and despite the incentive of an open bar and free eats served by tuxedoed beautyschool dropouts I still would have showed up if only to drag Jason along and show off the painting Neil did of me entitled
“There He Goes Talking About Himself Again”…Wait a sec…
Rewind
“There He Goes Talking About Himself Again”?…maybe it’s a self portrait Neil…yeah it was A mighty Perfect Heller winter of no cash content to..metrolinin to Norwalk’s wylds of suburbia couldn’t save me this time…No mo Grandma’s home to abode to… and without the help of Spinner, David Klingman, I would have never survived NYC Roughnecking 101…
FRANKENMIND
Or in other worlds My Dick
Oh yeah Dick Nystrom…I almost forgot…snicker snicker…Dick’s the reason I could crash at The Gershwin Hotel…Dick’s the reason I could Sohoshop fine dine & wine… Dick’s the reason I got the inside view of The Beautiful Ones…and Dick’s the real reason why I was begging Maggie Estep for money (Marvel Comics)
Last summer I was hanging on Prince St. infront of Dean & Deluca thinking about how the hell I was gonna see White Zombie for their Friday the 13th gig in Providence Island.. As you are well aware by now getting in wouldn’t be a problem..one phonecall to
Chrissy…
NEMO
Chrissy! blah blah blah
CHRISSY
Oh Hi Nemo where are you at?
NEMO
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah uh
CHRISSY
Yes.
NEMO
Can you call me back?
CHRISSY
Sure.
Or as the case was at Roseland a few days earlier one accelerated rant to Andy Gould and
SFX; BAAAAAMF!
The problem was conjuring the cash…to make the Greyhound and I knew all I was gonna get outta Sherill this time was lunch…maybe…when
MALE VOICE
Hey would you like to pose for some photos?
I turn around and this guy whose obviously just stepped outta a Ralph Lauren ad. The perfect haircut, perfect teeth, perfect threads…He showed me his card…NYSTROM
Embossed on this smoothy silky stock…
SFX:KAAACHING!
SYSTEM INTERRUPTION
DISNEY SUIT
Speaking of money it’s a good time to tell the kiddies
To start getting creative in order to collect the fare to
See Third Worship the traveling Krofftt Superstar Holywood Shakespeare rock opera
That’s gonna be your..uhum Grand Finale t
NEMO
Geez Fitz what the fuck is this? Fitz Hello.
DISNEY SUIT
Look kid I know we got off on a bad foot.
NEMO
Fitz can you make him go away.
FITZGERALD
Just hear him out Nemo. Is all I ask..
DISNEY SUIT
Nemo I know you wanna be No Futurepunk as fuck and that’s
A good thing but ya gotta start thing about well how
You gonna afford to buy Coutney that house and
.And
NEMO
Cut Cut
SPERBER
What’s the problem man you were totally in there.
NEMO
I just can’t do this today. I gotta go.
SPERBER
Go where?
NEMO
Any where but here.
SPERBER
Not good idea man we’re overbudget as it is.
NEMO
I don’t think ya get it.. It’s over I know it was our big
Dream I don’t wanna a movie version of this ya know
THE RAMONES
I don’t wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don’t wanna live my life again
SPERBER
I knew it I knew you were gonna pull this shit.
NEMO
Look man you can direct the those darn kidz tvshow
And the Major Stuff shit run the whole show manbut
I gotta get out this loop
SPERBER
What’s her name?
NEMO
What?
SPERBER
You heard me? What’s her name.
NEMO
Leah Brown. The Cornflake Girl
SPERBER
Who?
NEMO
some chick back in Seattle. She usedd Work at Coffee
Messiah.
SPERBER
Does Courtney know about this?
Look
SPERBER
Apparently not.
NEMO
Hey we have an understanding. We just haven’t disccussed it
SPERBER
What happened to that one love to the end of time cosmic thing?
NEMO
You’ve read the manuscript. Later
SPERBER
One week I expect you back here in one week. Stay outta
trouble And Christ can you get yourself a phone one of these
days..The Age Of Grunge is over….Conan can you cue The Clown….
CONAN
Clown?
SPERBER
Krusty The Clown Oh No Don’t tell me he’s out sucking
the glass dick again?
CONAN
He sed he had to stay in character
SPERBER
Fuck me! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
FAST FORWARD
Vilgilantes
Of L.O.V.E.
“Supersucker
Stuck To The Bottom Of Your Freak”
San
Francisco 11.95
It bwaangs without warning…but now that’s a straight out lie a denial of the cosmic clock...there'’ always a warning before the storm...like the way your usual shoveful of
Count Chocula breaks free from the tried and true 123 schmoo then waawaas an eerie ripple of inertia inches from your snout…a pause impregnated by a vicious
ADAM ANT
Stand And
Deliver
Your
Money Or Your Life
The Junk On The Spoon radiating everyday sunshine or a lifetime of oblivion…In retro-spect the omen is always so simple, so fucking obvious you wonder how this Calling Card Of Fate evaded you before..
RETRO VIA ROBOTS
Its all a circle. It’s all a line. Deep Space Nine.
Rewind
I never went to Johnny’s that often…and with good reason..the itty bitty ditty store was concealed in Darien..a platinum pleasure island of happy shiny spineless people safely tucked away from the frantic foolin and fuedin South Norwalk niggaz sippin Cisco.. A comfortable uncrowded house teeming with Mary Mary Quite Contrarys in spic polished cherry red Jaquars shalalazin down the Ave…one diamondfist glued to the stereo, the other gripping a spliff the size of a chimp’s dick…pole positioned with Shaggy trustfund junkies soaring in a non stop 808 state of blurrrrrrr…..burdened by weekly allowances large enough to finance two or three candidates hoin for Presidential election….And then there was…..Me…the skateboarding Cinderfella constantly caught in the future present past who could never quite WORD himself to the Sheer High Lose Your Mind pressed in the expensive imports of pop punk & puke cramming Jonny’s bins…I gotta admit oncetI did feel the Jolt Cola’s kick soo much I surrendered eight or nine bux for a Doggy Style 12 inch..Screaming dayglo green vinyl of Gabba Gabba Hey Ho Let’s Go..Let’s Go Let’s Go where the good won’t go…
NEMO
Naah fellas can’t make the trip. Maybe next time. Maybe never
Though heavens to mergatroy when I finally cashed in my chips for ride in The Coney Island Of The Mind it wasn’t mere product that sent me careening over the edge… Hey it’s me the Disco Don Quixote so if you’re of the gambling set consider it a safe bet to conclude it had to scoobydoo with a girl…That’s right Jessica Trupin..A pretty In Punk Paperback In Pocket Jewish American Princess..complete with Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific Red Mane…A seductive Seventeen quotes Camus Meat Is Murder pout and a well worn sophistication she couldn’t hide behind her Antique Boutigue…as much as she liked to try…
RETRO VIVA ROBOTS
Its all a circle it’s all a line Deep Space Nine
Rebecca was surfcity the week I first met Jessica..so of course I endowed the unhappy Monday eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeediot routine with new depth…We’re talking massive attack first girlfriend dragged against her will to Florida for ten daze of carefree frolic in the sun while you sit home and rot in your unfriendly neighborhood zoo revue…the anguish increased a bazillionfold cuz your Magic Eightball sed “Yes” when you rubbed its glossy spidey hide and asked whether Camels Straight smoking Yankee Magazine reading for-ever in the phase of denial bottled blonded bitch mom would be talking shit about you the entire time bomb the bass kinda blues…that no amount of fantasizing about you Daisy Mae and Madonna feasting on Chuck E Cheese in a Frank Lloyd Wright Love Shack during the final seconds of Armageddon can cure cuz its been reduced to a sobbing Oh My Gawd She’s Gone Gone Awa that smells suspiciousl;y close to those perfect tunes synthfully constructed by Powder faced Lipstick traced New Riche New Wave enginneers whose posters are plastered all over your wall…You know where I’m going…you know where I’ve been…
RETRO VIVA ROBOTS
It’s all a circle. It’s all a line. Deep Space Nine
Soo
SFX: Swish Boom Swish
SCOTTY
Energizing.
My Uncle Wiggley powell-peralted me to Jonny’s wax stax in desperate need of The Interface Blast Zazz… Jessica and I shootdaashit about Bonzo’s Much Needed Bed-time and Moby’s latest record binge courtesy of Mama Mellville…Eventually our laughter rebooting my teen spirit enough to ask her to metroline with me into Gotham City and see Tom Petty and The HeartBreakers…Surprisingly Jessica defied the gravity of my pop goth situation and grinned
.
JESSICA
Sure sounds cool.
And maaaaaaaaaaaaan her zero premeditated yes rushed me back to the flyside of my socalled Life…a rush you ain’t ever gonna find at the deadend of a pipe…And it was the beginning of some deranged kinda wonderful…slacking in her Lit Shit selling parents upper eastside co-op soinning extended New Order dance mixes amongst a cooin brick cloud of sonic sister…concocting bizarre love triangles for the clueless world at large with her Booga and my best friend Chris Kramer…even exchanging koolspirited hate mail when I was attached by the balls to Uncle Sam’s Goof Troop ..Yet we both never browsed thru the Time Life Encyclopedia Of Scenes That Were And Will be until
Outta the clear bloo bloo SATURDAY IS THE SKY WIDE OPEN..the two of us vizzed the documentary “Athens GA” at the Sono theatre..Memory escapes me about exactly whose idea it was..too many hits from the bong..too many kix from the wrong sorta people interrupts my freakquency…though to be brutally honest in a way only a brute like me can be…it had to be Jessica’s cuz whendaaphuck did I ever make a concious effort to change The Weird Science channel transmitted by RoboCop… anyway for 90 minutes we were immersed in the pulsating snatch of the Athens scene WORD on limo sized lily pads….stacatoed by kwik sips of southern culture on the skids…twitching in unison with lean lonesome cowboys radiating a mean Keith Richards and guerilla grrlies galloping tits fulla rage….R.E.M. and the B52s were the main focus of the film yet the climax was the moment The Flat Duo Jets took a toke of tumbleweed, guzzled a keg of demon piss and slashed thru a thick muddy waters angelic anthemn with the defhead precision of a phantom engine infused Jacob’s ladder jukebox on a woo-hee-haha whizz to a crucial barb-q dirt track date in the Arkham asylum….a no shirt no shoes metallic behemoth sweating psychotic reactions and carburator dung, 13 cards short of a full deck It’s glistening body shackled to a jumping jack flash that devours cooch with the same fury of a recently excommunicated priest gnawing lil boys bums…wiping the sticky stink off his face with The Vatican’s letter of expulsion…yesssssuh yesssssssuh yessssuh The Flat Duo Jets were the genuine aesthetic of rock and these Kentucky Fried Pied Pipers good time dizzabilly could never be satiated with an MTV show’n tell…and right then and there this strange kid in America knew why his Dad had grimaced a tired groan after showing him his stray cats l.p. boasting how he was the def of kool…he knows where I’ve been….he knows where I am
RETRO VIVA ROBOTS
It’s all a circle. It’s all a line. Deep Space Nine.
Okay so I could yakback incessantly about the logistics of Life’s safety dance and wonderhow come after sharing that vid of 1,2,3,4,,Dark Atari never sealed Jessica and I’s fate with bloodsugarsexmagick…well, there was that occasion following her late summer return from abroad when she sat several stories above the haze of an approaching evening
Deceiving…her vulnerability conjuring a zodiac code soo innocent its sweet Jane ensnared me in its etheral afterbirth…leaving me free to forget about our playskool past and for once be true to the la la lingo I Wanna Live…but alas our monkey never went to heaven and the last time Jessica and I saw each other was three years ago for a few awk-ward minutes in Olympia, WA…We didn’t have much to say…our lives were now on separate roads to nowhere…She in between lovers and majors at Evergreen State College
And me…well I was…NEMO…I did stall long enuff to ask about her stepmom Liz who for reasons I’ve yet to fathom encouraged my incessant pounding at the barrier in between worlds…the barrier which has been and will always be myself and then it was…
JESSICA
Gotta go I’m late for class.
NEMO
Yeah me too I gotta split
JESSICA
Bye
NEMO
Seeya
And I hadn’t given much thought about her and all that rockabilly boyz in the hood biz since until…
Fastforward
The day I bought the new issue of Psychotronic at Naked Eye Video and inside I spied Norton Records had released a new Flat Duo Jets cd “ Introducing…” and this connected to the ohso cinematic fact that they were scheduled to romp at the Bottom Of The Hill in a week and ….bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang the slick swarm of Here It Comes again bared its jagged teeth when on the back cover DGC’s ad for White Zombie’s new la sexorcisto shrieked “ Astro 2000” cuz certain scenefreaks know how I dug Rob’s band and the road they convinced me to follow…except when Chrissy happybirthdayed me with free tickets and backstage passes to their Las Vegas show Halloween gig…I decided to throw the gear in neutral cuz for three years it ain’t been nothin but
White Zombie
And I simply wanted to walk with Jody around San Franciso on our sacred day… Powered by Love..Saved From Hate…and celebrate I had survived my twentyseventh year and I didn’t want us
Inxs
Black boy White Girl
To be scrutinized by security or roadies or roadmanagers or media hacks or fans or groupies…and I was gonna use the same excuse for missing The Flat Duo Jets..but Jody wouldn’t let it happen…she loves me and my insanity…besides she had endured a whole summer hearing me obsess how awesome The Jets were…and cats being the curious creatures they are…she wanted to see if The Boys could deliver the goods…and deliver they did…Monsta thumped mars acclerated technology and from Dex’s every croon and Crow’s incessant beat of the drums one could hear AustinNashvilleMemphisNewOrleans …and recognize the scifi of a croozin to desolate hole in the backwoods of blackness where folks barely had enuff energy too lift their pitchers and pour themselves anutha drink and get on with the goings on…yet the Flat Duo Jets honest sound reconnected you to the supersucker stuck to the bottom of your freak…And making it more crystal clear to me that if it wasn’t for Jonny’s popshop procreation
LESTER BANGS
I would not be a rock critic and sometime musician to
the irri-
Tation of
many and pleasure of some enlightened folk but
Rather a
senior poohbah in the headquarters of Jehovah’s
Witnesses
over in Brooklyn,
And this honest sound inspired me to powerup my Powerbook and do what I do best which is swallowing the mother’s milk squirting from Jody’s tit…thinking long and hard about TheFuturePresentPast and keep acrawlin kickin’ and screamin’
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Fuckyou/I won’t do what you tell me
Fuckyou/I won’t do what you
tell me
Fuckyou/I won’t do what you tell me
Muthaphucka
RETRO VIVA ROBOTS
Its all a circle..Its all a line…zero to hero…deep space nine
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“
Into The Arms Of Americans”
Madrid
Spain 11.89
(Note: Switch this with “I Can’t Do Weird Things With My Body”)
lazyhazy indian summer daze…the earliest I fall outta my bunk is round 11;30 and no I don’t feel guilty…new earring…old jeans…with Terence Trent Darby’s neo motown surrounding my spastic thoughts…what kinda mood am I in..who knows..lets go…un-
polished boots…hey they’re supposed to look that way…lead me to the plaza del sol…
Saturday…everywhere around the world…unpolished boots…hey they’re supposed to look this way…cross paths with an Asian girl with a map…Virgina?
NEMO
Is that where you’re from?
VIRGINIA
No, that’s my name. I’m from Seattle.
Unpolished boots…hey they’re supposed to look that way…telephone center…Every body’s call collect send me Mom…”wait a sec” I say to this girl…”you look familiar. What’s your name?”….”Tina Yowee”…Yeah Lisa’s kid sister…Lisa and I had the “honor” of being voted Class of ‘85’ class clowns…how “perseptive” of them… according to Tina, Lisa now does her Elvis impressions in raunchy biker bars…me I left mine behind in New Jersey…to bad I couldn’t leave the uncertainty and hurt in the past too…anutha number, anutha slip of paper to lose…unpolished boots…Mickey Deez… More americans… 2 women 1 bitch..spoiling the rest of my day…makes me want anutha beer…Skol lager…back to the pension…
SEXY SAM I AM
Water with that bread?
Comix beercans phillycreamcheese…byebye seeya in Morrocco..three minus one makes two…or does it?..unpolished boots..side by side with dingy tennis shoes..Jack Purcells… onward ho into the spanish night…Notice a girl…she notices me…what was that all about…try to read her face…can’t get past the pain..can’t get past the physical… wait an hour and a half to see thirty seconds of U2 as they stride from a black limo…thirty seconds of Bono, The Edge, Larry Moe, Curly…No the bassist dood with the Buddy Holly glasses…what’s the hubbub bud…premeire of the movie…Rattle& Hum.. Rattle & Hum…disappear in my yellow submarine…cuz I’m the forgotten Beatle and this is a hard day’s night…unpolished boots trudge down the street…
FRANKENMIND
Poetry moment watch out.
I’m……in the….middle…of…the…hiiiiiiiiiiiighway….carrrrrrrrrsssssssssssssssss
FRANKENMIND
You can come out now. It’s safe.
More “habla englais”…a whopper numbs the anxiety…a coupla bites and whatdoyaknow
FRANKENMIND
UGH he’s doing it again. Another poetry moment.
More American Girls…Anna…Cheri…and a black girl…SistaSista why can’t I remem-ber your name…Madonna song…Madonna song…Cookie Monster
REWIND
Nothing
But Lipstick
“
Jeepers Creepers”
Columbia
SC 11.87
Thanksgiving and everyone’s antsy…The troops miss all that PT and Marching..The last line was written by Skip To The Loo…Author Of “Sarcasm- The Key To Greater Success”…Got my home for the holidays ticket..American Airlines December 20th.. 1.pm
But today I’m missing Channel Nine’s Creature Feature lineup…King King Son Of Kong Mighty Joe Young…that okay though I’m currently in the middle of my own monsta movie here….
They lied their asses off at the Reception center…like that Bravo 15 was going to go thru basic training together..Bullshit..As soon as we were packed on the cattle car..L.A’s humor abruptly stopped. He looke more scared than anyone else..the arrival at the Basic training site was a nightmare…Pathetic privates tripping over themselves trying to get their duffle bags in…
DRILL SGT.
20 seconds and you’ve already used 10.
I was frightened too yet I tried to tell a few of the Bravo 15 guys to keep their shit together..Hadn’t they noticed the Drill Sgt’s badass routine was dialogue lifted from Apocalyspe Now…Should have kept my observations to myself cause I was over heard.
SGT. HILL
Do you have an attitude private?
NEMO
No, I don’t Drill Sgt.
SGT. JACKSON
Yeah he does. Send him on down to me anytime.
Before we left the reception center, Sgt Brown called a meeting. Topic of discussuion was the need to work as a team and my annoying individualism…She gave me a chance to “defend” myself before the others closed in for the kill.
GOOF TROOP
He’s such a snob.
GOOF TROOP
He looks down at us southerners.
GOOF TROOP
He’s always writing in that book of his.
Lee was the only one to stickup for me.. He sed I was a bit lazy but I was being turned into a scapegoat…Drop! Is the favorite word of choice…If you fuckup the whole platoon has to hit the ground and knockout pushups..
FRANKENMIND
Laadee Daadee let’s have a party.
My unit now is Charlie 3 13th Infantry 2nd Platoon..”The Cobras”..most of em are dickweed yahooz like David Green who dropped outa highschool in the 9th grade.
He’s a compulsive liar with a loud mouth and sell Certs at a ridiculously inflated price.
GREEN
One roll for a dollar.It’s a good deal man. Let me tell you
Private 3rd Class Gerit Waterlander is from of all places Kalamazoo Michigan I pulled guard duty with him the other night and Waterlander was shitting asteroids cuz he thought he spied a Lieutanent heading our way…Quite the arrogant fuck but he’s been humbled. after being demoted from squad leader he whined…
WATERLANDER
I’m gald now cause I can goof off like you guys.
Poor guy’s spirits have been crushed cuz now he’ll never be elected the president of the Water Buffalo Lodge with a skeleton that huge in his closet..Our instructors are Sgt Hill
…cooldoodgatorguy that might actually care about you…Sgt Jackson…wiseass… and Sgt. Nyugene..quite and nice until provoked..
SGT. NYUGENE
(snarling)
I’m gonna kick some of your asses and that’s not an empty threat.
Can’t wait ti see if someone tries to call his bluff..ain’t gonna be me that’s for sure… odds are it’ll be Green…
FASTFORWARD
Odds
& Endsville
“Pardom
Me Sir, There’s a Ping In My Cosmic Pong”
Seattle,
WA 10.92
I had
FRANKENMIND
Fucked up.
And missed the last New Haven bound train and the thought of having to endure four hours outside Goon Squad Centralization made me wanna hurl..actually it was my last stage dive during…
RETRO VIVA ROBOTS
Insert The Alternative PowerPopster Of Your Choice
Show that was rightfully to blame….Security had taken a half an hour to seperate me from this spastic tribe of Bugleboyed New Jooooooooosey Hairharpies…even now years later the whiff of WORD reducing my iron twist to naught makes me sick…I needed to consume mass quantities and put the unpleasant how do you do behind me…disgusted that if liquidated the HairHarpies entire ensemble could zip me to Europe for an entire tv.season…so I’m on the steps of the Fifth Ave library cradling me skateboard… the scalding coffee’s caffeine curling my crotch hairs..when I ripped open a box of Cracker Jacks…one munch, two munch, three…damn the shit was stale..but
FRANKENMIND
At least I have my prize.
Plundering thru the sugary snax like a boy possesed…
FRANKENMIND
At least I have my prize.
Dumping the popcorn on the steps.
FRANKENMIND
At least I have my….
And then the realdeal wonka’d my willy..there wasn’t gonna be any magick mirror or glitzy sticker to restore my faltering spirits…I was on me own….and the sudden horrifying Hello about the postioning of my puny placemat on Space’s Vast Kitchen Table came hurtling nine million miles an hour outta the mouth of the Great Void… Similar to the fart that whizzes its way from the depth of your butt after severe holiday pigging out…and rears its loathsome nappyhead, bellowing a hellacious lamentation of excessive alienation…and after this soulwrenching spine shattering revelation smugly settles between you and the outraged nitwits masquerading as your relatives and heehaws its calculated cleverness…Riding this deepskydivide revealed Dark Atari was the true buddha brutha ruling the milky ways….A Galaxy High dropout who had longed to bumrush The Fame Game…he had set his sights one being a VJ but when that didn’t pan out..Daark Atari crosd swords with The Wardrobe Dept…blackmailing His Heavenly Father into letting him manage The Infinite..and by default humanity too..Yes all us eeee
Eeeeeeeeeediots the funky and the confused….spinning on this giant peach in the plam of Dark Atari’s plan…Stunned by this sock-em-in-the-eye of this jabberwocky jaunt, I spent the remaining hours gabba gabba hey ho about his Monstrousity to every bum who staggered acroos my pigeonshit whitened Tower Of Discovery
HOBO
Huh…you..you..uh…that’s preposterousisiity
FRANKENMIND
You’ve earned yourself another drink bright boy
Of course it was all a fabulous lie…I had morfed into a seer of MuppetShowmystery..
A diviner of Devoesque defiance…A medium of Madhattin magnitude…. A prophet of Peter and of Pan…I was a dilletante Daffy Duck who had raided the MOMA and swapped the Cezanes, Dalis, Picassos and Jackson Pllacks with rapping Acme robo- finger painted portraits of himself…each syllable of my trashtalk, a lusty conquest construct that would finally get me laid..Dark Atari’s tonguetwisting of Reality was a gateway out of the suburban schmuck and grind and I was a skatenik in love…by the time I strangled my rants to a dull roar, and got The Metro North home it was high noon…I burst into the dining room rant with rat piss and strange reality…grabbed a handful of Oscar Meyer weiners and proceeded to babble to my bewildered clan the ultra amazing power of Dark Atari’s psychic Ginzu Knife…Headcaskets blown away again I revealed my intentions to quit school ,k.o. my job at Tasty Freeze and roam the earth with Dark Atari’s misbehaving vibe as my guide….after a few minutes more of this dementia I crashed on the carpet in exhaustion…My mother then proceeded to do what any commonsensical woman would do..dragged me to the tool shed, locked me in and waited til my Father came home…meanwhile she shredded my room apart looking for crack vials & her missing bag of snickers minatures…No megablast to be found but empty candy wrappers and a milehighpile of The Savage Sword Of Conan expertly hidden under Trip'’s bottom bunk was hard evidence to my depraved loontoonisey….Thru out the rest of the afternoon, my kidkin peeked open the doors too gawk in open disapproval at The Boy Afronaut Who Had Gone Bonkers And Wrecked Their Long Promised Vacation To DisneyWorld….Trip was downright thrilled though, pointing out between chomps of his caramel chews if I was indeed sent awaythere would be more dessert for the survivors…and a coupla pints of Vanilla Extract shoved down my throat would surely propel me over the edge of no deposit no return hastening their escape to witch mountain thus making The More Dessert Theory a sure bet….this meta mighta morphed into a different slice of Wonder Bread if at that moment Dad hadn’t glowed to the front curb in all his crooze control splendor….Mom and her besneakered conspirators quickly clued him in on The Dastradly Doings…exaggerating their sheer helplessness in the face of The Ultimate Evil…Dad weary from his usual beating on the back nine threw aside his golf clubs and yelled for me to…
DAD
Stop this dangblasted nonsese and go cut the lawn. Now!
Then he and Mom limped along to their inner sanctum of Frigidaire and Sealy…leaving my kidkin no choice leave behind their dreams of heaping bowls of Chocolate Pudding and release me…And as I broncobillyed the John Deere across the scorched lawn I sensed I’d have to be more cautious in choosing my audience…Apparently not everyone would be accept the concept of making the merry go round with a custommade sharksuit of illusion…
FAST FORWARD
Vigilantes
of L.O.V.E.
“Attack
Of The Yakbakatcha”
Reno,
Nevada 12.95
Nine dollars and ninetynine cents…wouldn’t ya love a bit of clarity..a touch of sanity… for nine dollars and ninety nine cents…dontcha yearn for a taste of obsession…a ghost of posssesion for less than ten bucks…well, just your luck I gotta hold on it…
Rewind
A hold on it…
Rewind
Ahold on it…
SFX ZOINK$!
Its gotta hold on me…gotta Yak Bak 2…a micromini deviant’s device with dolby PVE… Positive Vocal Energy…a gadget of kool space age look that Jody’s girl will house you shake shake it shook furnished me with one unwild casino night…yesss yesss my friends a steady fever stream of nevermore usually less closin in…I was dialing for a way out…digitalizin for a way in….What’s the number of my X-file…where is my pile of Jello Pudding Pops..my pound of bong water taffy….and a blasphemous bolt of hocuspocus erupted a sidestreet in The Wall carrying me, leaving me for dead in a barren strip mall called This Is Your Life…This is about a Toy Story too, this is a buzz light-years away from 007’s macho shuckin and jivin…a sometimes rhyming cry for help that only this boom boom of deliberate alien design could cure…these purple octopi in fantastic tangerine machines crucified my misery with a crown of ice cream… their bootyiful black tentacles blugeoned me with nightmare stix… rock your Body solar Mcs in silksuits , deathsinged wingtips sang they nothing to nineteen but me..Nothing but seething cavities of crimson pain..Banished from the Top Of The Pops, they need a tool like me…they need a fool like me..to bolster their danceable book smart up the Billboard Charts..they sed
SOLAR MCs
(shimmering like Leo Dicaprios)
Atomic Rooster Black Christ of The Divine Child Of The
Disco& Whine. Poster Boy Of The Beast. You Must Speak In
To It..let your mind peek into it..see you look into the hole. And
Dream mad trax to undo the damaged world. You must say to
These southbound creatures. These seekers like yourself..empty
Fading fast..on eeeeeeeeeeeee..those who are tired of the lies.
Those who possess some strength of their own..those who are
Kept from pursuing their own popsong down that path foretold
In the book..Get your last look…Its fading fast..on eeeeeeee..
You must say then play..instant rapback..yakkety yak..Hell is
The Harrah’s in your head.
And I did I did I do..I have accepted my dual role doubleohzero..I disavow with my like show you how of defiance…and I’ll tell you what the secret of life is..I repeat I’ll tell you for free…what others would rob you of your last piece of mind for..Its all perfect nonsense It makes no sense at all…and I’ll give you a lesson of hushhush I found in my fortress of solitude attitude…A man in the hightower…loud loud loud as bombs baby…
But hold on..if I give away the angle…all this suffering..all this romancing the alone will be for naught…I won’t be able to fall from grace..again..and meld myself into The Ultimate Player The Fast Talking FingerPopping Kid Eterenity With Melancholoy Melodies In His Holster…and cowboy coffee a real gone gone..
SUPERSTAR AGENT
He’s gone..left the country yesterday.
Feature length deal in London Tokoyo or Amsterdam..and I won’t be able to have my own talkshow about hitech hotstuff or tee shirts with futureshocked every stitch of cheap
Cotton manufactured in China’s amber waves of pain…I won’t be able to sigh away my soul on a line of cosmetics made from the essence of disgarded Goodyear tires and pebbled with pearls of acid rain…If I say then play instant rap back yakketyyak I will forego having myriads of Calvinclad Gapslacked teenyboppers chant my name..offering their snatch..their ass..their everything..
ALTERNATEEN
Take what you will . take all of me take take take me.
I wanna go I wannnago away with you. Away from all
This nothing into your nickelodeon packaged so nice.
Take me.
Scared Innocents who try so hard not be pleading for me to do whatver I wanna do to them even if that means fucking the very last ounce of
ALTERNATEEN
I wanna believe in someone. I wanna believe in something
I wanna believe in you.
Outta their tired bodies then when I’ve had my fill leaving them naked and ashamed on a Motel 6 cuz
DICKUS MAXIMUS
Hey ain’t I a guy and its my roddriven right to unleash my
Anger and discontent on people weaker than me cuz hey
Ain’t it the law of the land…cuz hey aint the way of the world
And bitches ain’t nothing but hoz and trix…ain’tthey just
Sluts..ain’t they just fodder for my foolin around
And if I tell ya for free what the Solar Mcs wanted me to rebelyel…I won’t be able to make a profit like a good pro should and buy myself a Viper GTS..GEE TITS SELL.. and vroomazoomzoom unleaded fumes thru HollywoodVeniceBeachMalibu looking for fresh asses to tag cuz
DICKUS MAXIMUS
Hey isn’t that what you do in the late LA afternoon when you
Finish taping your talk talk tv sitcom..cruise the sunset strip
Vizzin threedee vidsa of white black asian hispanic trash
To suck you off..make you feek like the..You won’t forget me Master Of The Universe that you are cuz “hey I’m so gawddamn smooth”…and this next riff is gonna sound rude yet alotta chicks can aha the monsta powertrip as well as a dick..ya know the Oh Soo
Sincere ones that cripple you with promises of letting you crash their crib…
DAWN OF A NEW AGE
As long as you want honest.
If you move their furniture to their new pad then when every last two ton piece of antique mod is in place…antique mod that Daddy’s good credit purchased..
DAWN OF A NEW AGE
Daddy the man I hate…Daddy The Man I love. Why
Can’t you be more like Daddy and just take what you
Want
After the Really Righteous Girl Has You Struggle It
DAWN OF A NEW AGE
Over there, no there, no that’s not right..uhmmm over
There looks good..damn leave it you”ll I mean we’ll
Move it in the morning
And after one eight hour session of shivering on her cramped cocktail nation couch
DAWN OF A NEW AGE
I don’t think this is gonna work out you know hey I’m
Not trying to be evil harsh or hurtful and please don’t
Take this personally but I have a life to live and this is
Really a bad time so you’re gonna have to make new
Arrangements and no you can’t use the phone and the
Food in the fridge you bought with your last food
Stamps is mine and can I have my key back or will I
Have to call the cops…Sorry good luck and ya know
All this could have been avoided if instead of mooning
Over that girl Jody in San Francisco you fucked the
Living daylights out of me.
Yeah or how about the Spoken Word Warrior Tank Girl who professes loud loud loud and clear how she’d simply amputate her head if any Junior Exex Web TV Gee Man suggest he’d rotate her kalifornia hi-8…
BUFFY THE WORD SLAYER
Heavy rotation Heavy Rotation do I look like I want
Heavy rotation
And you proceed to motorbooty wacked Mac spew about The Amazing Agro Chick Whooz
NEMO
Really down to earth Jody. I’m serious
Cuz you appreciate her lines…you dig her curves, you take pleasure in her words.. she’s given you hope that real people still exist..except when you phone her a few weeks later and say
NEMO
Jody and I’ve got this nice new ride . Blood 63 Oldsmobile
Holiday Super 88..If you want I can drive over to Oakland
And do yo want me to pick you up we can go to The Lab
Tonight or I don’t know we can get ice cream at Mitchells
The Amazing Aggro Chick freaks over the receiver
BUFFY THE WORD SLAYER
Nemo you’re such a fucking showoff you’re like all the
Other asshole rocknroll dudes I know. You’re gonna get your
Novel published and I’m not. You’re gonna be in heavy
Rotation and I won’t and you suck . you’re really not punk
And you don’t know what real suffering is.
DAARK ATARI
You’re not a cuddly blonde bitch in biker boots who can
Sway her way any mindless dope with her hot pearl snatch
You’re a suburban brat with a devils haircut in his Franken
Mind who sed fuck you to everyone and everything he
Built his former life on and did the dawg to the center of the
Dirty dirge known as the Seattle Scene..waering out your
Welcome at other people’s places.. borrowing other people’s
Money, halfeating, sleeping on the streets trying to survive
Long enough to finally believe in yourself
BUFFY THE WORD SLAYER
Yeah Nemo you don’t know what it is to be down so long
It looks up to me you effeminate artfag asskissing game
Playing fraud
Sssssssssssssssssssssssso hold on….wait a minute…I don’t know if I wanna give away the secret cuz I’ll lose my angle to G.P.S. with The Jet Set…I won’t be singled out… fifty dicks to a bitch…fifty bitches to a dick…to buy a gothic condominimum in the shady state of New Orleans and sashay around the French Quarter spouting groovie koolie spells of hong kong phooey hoodoo…I won’t be able to buy my own Hubble Tele snoop and peek behind closed doors…doors never seen..doors that never open… or satelite my wireless sneak and intercept the model citizens’ microsoft downloading the dirt over The Internet….If I reveal the words of wisom I won’t be able to buy JodyCat a jupitersized glitterock and latch it on her finger so she can flaunt it in fine dining esta- blishments in Capetown, Casablanca, Paris, Peru…Would it be fair to our hard earned abfab to reduce our holdings to nil for the sake of a few billion people who really don’t wanna know the score anyway.. who would find life a burden if I ko.ed their luxurious lives of Red Lobster Chilis Olive Garden Service Mercandise….yeah sssssssssssssso I’m gonna hold off on this shit matter of factr screw those Solar Mcs and their not soo hiden agenda..it may be wrong but I’m keeping this shit close to home..home is where the dark atrai is even when the sun is in full swing….and then…..I pause and ponder about those gutterpunks on Haight St who helped save me from myself..and how they own nothing but Mr Citizen’s fear and loathing…so I’m gonna tell you what The Secret is I’m gonna annihilate ya with Saturday Morning Scoobyvoodoo..yeah the Kids’ causing a commotion to get a promotion cuz everythongs been in slow motion…The Secret that you’ve been seeking is
GUY SMILEY
Nobody can say no to a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios
Say than play instant rap back yakketyyak…
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Once
More a Room With A Zoom”
Portugal
11.89
KUNGFU DOOD
Take that Dishonrable One
Under Eagle’s shadow…A Jackie Chan karate flick…my first movie in a while.. okay gang picture this..a Honh Kong kungfu movie dubbed in english with portugese sub- titles….massive confusion but more major fun than a David Brenner monolugue… yeah like that’s real difficult fo beat…call me KissyFur as in Kissy Fur Columbus.. anutha european country…anutha awesome situation…moved outta the cattle farm Residenia Dublin into this romatically dingy pension…Room’s only 5,000 escudeos for 5 night and shower included..It’s a got a great view of the harbor where the grey ocean let’s itself be tame ..lapping peacefully at the docks…kinda like having pool for ..BIG LIZARD IN MY BACK YARD…Massive rubber tree plant on the balcony to keep me company.. I ‘ll call it Wayne…
FRANKENMIND
Wayne nigga yooz insane?
Building’s right near the old city so you can vizz Lisbon’s true beauty…Clusters of rickety buildings with winding cobblestone streets that moan
AEROSMITH
Walk this way
Meal are outta sight and I do mean meals..after Spain I’m sick of bocadillos and calamari..Yeah The Primitives played yesterday in Madrid..Kramer will probably look at me in disgust when he learns I didn’t hang around enuff to glimpse Tracy Tracy’s scrumptious etc
THOMAS DOLBY
Don’t want your love
Don’t want your money
Just want the keys to your Ferrari
The Wonderstuff ticket has gone to wast..oh well…Last night’s sojurn got me brain churning a short story idea….Bang Zoom To The Moon…Old woman with ancient black and white t.v….ancient antenna…her son is coming to visit in a month and he likes the unattainable cable sports programs…she breaks down and buys a new one with money she’s been saving for a 2nd hand furcoat…but the day before he arrives the phone rings.. its him saying he can’t make it..maybe next year…and as she hangs up the phone the prizefight comes on…hmmm she sez too herself this sports stuff isn’t too bad and settles down to watch…
There’s no such thing as asking a simple question around here…all I wanted to know was
NEMO
Is there a communist party here in Portugal?
Cuz I noticed the trademark hammer and sickle sparay painted on a few buildings and then a woman in the central part of town was manning a stand selling pamplets and pins of Lenin…I asked the woman who runs the pension and they couldn’t understand me.. I tried for 5 minutes to get my question across
PENSION LADY
No understand.
NEMO
Nevermind
PENSION LADY
But Sonya….
She hops down the hall knocking on the door of a coupla females I noticed earlier…Ugh not more Americans..Nope sweet French meat…who she coerces into translating..via the same tongue…HAHAHEEEIng I ask my question again making sure I take in the warmery flesh of this shy? Creature…
SONYA
Yes there is a communist party and its pretty big
Hmmmmmmmm the idea of a French girl tagging along…
FRANKENMIND
Attractive luggage no?
NEMO
Can you come to a meeting with me and translate
SONYA
I don’t think they’ll be speaking in French.
Ratssssssssssss somehow I had to get my hands on her…and I still wanna go to a meeting…I could ask at the American Embassy but something tells me that wouldn’t be oe of my smarter moves. Now more than ever I gotta tackle The Communist Manifesto I ‘ve been carrying around for the last month.. Thirty day down…Forty more to go…Think I can make it..Dead silence and then
FRANKENMIND
Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
I’m so exited I can’t even sleep .you know how I sign most things with my signature phrase New England Manboy Surfbeast…well sitting here scratching my balls flipping thru Let’s Go and it dawned on me my Technicolor Surfing Dreams could be realized.. okeedoke I purchase a oneway ticket to Paris..take a train to the south of Spain.. ferry across the Meditteanean into Morrocco and then proceed to Asilah..
LET’S GO
With its golden beach and gleaming white portugese
style medina
Make this a perfect place
to slip gently into Morrocco
I can get a room at Hotel Marhaba for 15dh (lookup) which is a little over tow bucks and food is cheaper..we’re talking months and months of writingt reading and surfing.. I’ve gotr $1200 at home…need around five hundred more…buy a used board either in upstate NY or The Jersey Shore…shit I bet they sell em in Westport…I’ll try and recruit Kevin to follow my flight into Wonderland but personally I don’t think he believes..Can’t ask amy questions G…only the innocents fly…of course this will cause an uproar among The Iveys..again I’ll hear how foolish I am..maybe they’re right…I’ve overdosed on too many
Hap hap happy endings. Despite my moods I think I appreciate life more than most of “the World” could possibly. For there’s a sense of urgency in my seemingly dopey half witted meanderings. 13 minutes before the clock strikes twelve. Russian roultette polish style…all the cylinders are filled with bullets..at least I’ll die an experienced man. At times I despise God and religion and what its done to my Dad and I’s relationship. Cuz deep down I love him…He’s a good man, not selfish and selfcentered like I am.. It’s a shame we can’t be pals..again my decision might be stupid and I could possibly look back on this night and mutter malicious things about myself..like the day I signed up to Uncle Sam’s finest..Why did I insist on envisioning the army was like those 1940 World War Two musicals…did I really expect everyone to breakout in song and dance during k.p…even soo those draining six months instilled a daring do in my soul..oh fuck itall this life right here right now…feels downright cozy..like a pair of slippers…much more than than conventional living bullshit..that’s right…BULLSHIT!
U2
Mister I ain’t got nothing
But it’s more than you got
REWIND
Nothing
But Lipstick
“Beatle
Bailey: The Motion Picture”
Columbia,
SC 11.87
Things to do when you’re bored in Basic Training
1) Collect boogers
2) Tip over beds
3) Brag about how big your dick is
4) Beat up on Green
5) Write a list on things to do when you’re bored in Basic Training
ALISTAIR COOKIE
(chomping on choclate chips)
And now the memoirs of a Future Hollywood Shark
Arrrrrrumummmmmmm
The WaterBuffalo reminds me of a teenage Fred Finstone while this greek dood from Boston is the spitting image of Barney Rubble…In the mess hall I recoomended they make tracks for Hollywood cuz I’m postive some nut would love to make a live action movie of that prehistoric comedy team.. Whou would we get to play Pebbles?.. Brooke Shields? Ally Sheedy? Molly Ringwald? Naaaaaaaaaaaaah siging a big named brat packer would increase the budget…This has gotta be done L.A. slime style..Send a coupla Spin & Marty pretty boys to the airport and bus station …snatch a cute babe just off the boat from Wisconsin..with stars..no galaxies in her eyes..Have WORD sign a
WORD contract….If the Flinstones flick is a commercial hit and Pebbles gets ladee dodee cut off her supply of cocaine and credit cards, reposses her convertible and kidnap
Her parents….
My army routine isn’t together like everyone else’s..My wall locker is a mess..my bed has more waves than the Pacific…I’m always the last one in formation despite my efforts to get a move on…Jeff Rone’s gonna be the model solider …near perfect if anyone could be so of course I.uh..uhmmm…utilize his talents to see me thru the tedious tasks.. Besides he’s the only one here who’s convinced my writing will get me somewhere.. Good thing cause I don’t believe it myself at times..yet I never lose sight of becoming the next Fabulous Fantasia SuperDuper Haagen Daz Extra Creamy with a healthy dash of Reese’s Pieces…E.T…ET….E.T…feel like an incoming Georgie Porgie B7 Sundae Bomber..Fortifications down…
11th Commandment
Ye Shall Give Up All Embarrasing Letters of Love and Lust to Drill Sgt Or Be Bestowed The Punishment Of Painting The Barracks….Green got busted by Sgt hill for refusing to hand over his..
SGT HILL
Private that’s a direct order.
GREEN
No Drill Sergeant
SGT HILL
I’ll give you one more chance.
GREEN
I refuse Drill Sergeant
Ha time to meet your friendly neighborhood Article 15…alotta kats commented that Green’s an asshole and he had it coming to him..tru but would they haven given over their love letters..Funny thing is it was to his Mom “ Oh Mommsie Ican’t wait to get back to your warm fuzzy….: Once again a great artist is ignored unappreciated and ridiculed by the masses. My Rendition of Alfalfa signing “ I’m In The Mood For Love” was wasted on these uncultured slobs..Told them to imagine the army was a grand ole 1940’s MGM musical…That I was Gene Kelly playing the lonely private bursting with creativity and while mopping the barracks I spot The General’s awesome babe of a daughter…
NEMO AS GENE KELLY AS BEATLE BAILEY SIGING ALFALA SONG
I’m in the mood for love
If it should rain we’ll let it
But for tonight let’s forget it
I’m in the mood for love
Did a lil soft shoe..tap here tap there..then the windup for the great finale…123…taaaa daaah…ready for the roar of the crowd and got the royal raspberry…
GOOF TROOP
Bllllllllllllllttttlhhhhhhhp!
ALISTAIR COOKIE
This has been another reality check production
Mmmmmmmmmrrrrrmmmmrummmmm
FASTFORWARD
MotoDegenerate
“Celestial
Sweater”
Joshua
Tree, CA 9.94
My Name is MMMMud…your truly has constructed chaos again..this time at Rancho De La Luna…
FRANKENMIND
U2 huh?
Roared up the driveway and moseyed to the patio…looked like nobody was home…
NEMO
(knocking on the door)
Fred?
No answer so I opned the screen door and
DOROTHY
Toto I don’t think we’re in kansas anymore
Fred was in the middle of a recording session with Wool..the band’s instruments and his audi equipment scattered everywhere..Everyone was wired tired and there I was “uh is this a bad time?…too make matters wores the music producer Daniel Lamois is in the process of trekking from Mexico to these parts with his components..Thus I picked the absolute wores time to sid the vicious
NEMO
Fred I need a coupla days. I gotta wait for cash My
Uncle gets paid and I gotta get my head together.
FRED
My mother doesn’t even show up without calling
NEMO
But I just need
FRED
I don’t give a shit.
Fine neither do I…Andrea sed I should be selfish and make sure I cover my ass and hey that’s exactly the method under operation..Has Fred’s memory gone banana split or has he conviently forgot how he screwed Pod and I this summer… Miles, Ryan and I finished fusing our liquid rev at the Music Source…
MILES
What do you think?
NEMO
Great Miles. Just one thing though. Aren’t you
Supposed to hear what I’m saying?
If we wanted to be taken seriously we were gonna Have to rerecord it before slipping it to Chrissy…and after being faxed the four one one about The Revival Tent..we needed to be on our toes…
So you want to be a Lollapalooza slum poet. Forget the glamour, forget
the riches, don’t even look at me with those star struck eyes, this is the
peanut butter van tour of the Lolla- palooza poetry scene. You’ll be stinky,
cranky, and maybe a little tired but so what? You will have a hand in the
corruption of America’s youth and that’s better than a poke in the eye..
What is The Revivval Tent?
Basically its an experiment in cultural terrorism. The core of the
spoken word will revolve around the third stage. Aka Rev Mudd’s revival tent
and spoken word litle Armageddon…Picture a circus tent with 500 nose pierced
angels, a centerstage and one of those P.A. things. Everyday for 42 shows, a
cast of thousands will wander by the tent in search of big bang entertainment.
The goal is to corrupt our fans with the power of the spoken word to kill
isolation, fear, ignorance.
Like humilation?
We all have something to say but how well you say it will be the hook
that grabs and keeps the audience. We are not expecting to push you into
performing- performance exhibitionists need apply only and guerilla
performances are a dream come true. Go beyond the set confines of the
stage/performer/audience..Blur the lines. Experiment in cultural terrorism.
How do I get there?
Planes, trains, automobiles. Greyhound bus or thumbing a ride
Will I get paid?
Well, lets say you will be rich in experience. We’ll give you five
bucks for gas money and a pass to the show. You are encouraged to be creative
in funding yourself.
Make no mistake about it..we knew Fred had a life and in return he knew how I was living…half a step ahead of the gullitoine. He sed yes to rerecording our noise then completely flaked.Not one phone call returned…Francesca tried to smooth the edges . She introduced us in the first palce but it wasn’t her wrong that rammed us off the road. HEY FRED, RYAN LOST HIS JOB WITH THE CITY CUZ HE TOOK TIME OFF AT SOMEBODY’S SAY SO AND IT SURE AS SHIT WASN’T ME. HEY FRED HE’S GOT TO SUPPORT A WIFE AND A THREE MONTH OLD CHILD IN NOW WHERESVILLE OLYMPIA WASHINGTON THE PLACE WHERE THEY KILL ROCK***S…HEY FRED I THINK YOU OWE US AN APOLOGY AT LEAST HEY FRED!!!!!!!!!!!!..just another symptom of the disease…fucked over and forgotten.. never invited, never included even when you watch your pees & kews…or when I take the Nasty Nestea plunge and ask, betcha bottom dollar its No Nemo No..No yo can’t open for us..No, you can’t record here. No your shit’s not gonna make the cut..No Nemo No yeah I’m getting in a gorilla mobbing mood…I was kicking back..maxxin relaxin..givin you a rest from the venemous verbalization..I was actually givin two shits but tuff lucks kids I’m resuming the raging rap..Give you a tattse of what I got..Give ya what I’ve been getting…I’m the original kick around kid..kicked in the head..in the gut, in the teeth.. been kicked outta bed, my room, crib, Given the heaveho from schools, restuarants cafes convience stores, communes, clubs.. Been booted outta bookstores, flung from film festivals, given the one way whoosh from Germany, Switzerland, Paris and Philadelphia.. zoned outta Kmart QFC Kinko’s…Now ain’t that a bitch..talk about embarrasing… the 24 copy shop has ko’ed your privelege to plagarize..your desire to duplicate…axes your Xeroxing action…negates your need to WORD….I’m sick of being the contestant The Blame Game..cuz ever since the dawn of crime, I’ve been Mr Porta Putdown. For every scewed marriage and merger…everything misplaced and missing..for every con argu0ment and robbery and the list keeps growing…It’s longer than Godzilla’s dick.. I mean I got Santa beat..St Nick ain’t seen shit..But I refuse to continue taking the rap.. I’m gonna prevent every misfire mistrial or mishaps from landing in my lap…Its time to past the torch..The victim is gonna do some victimizing..soo whatcha gonna do if you get left with the mess but ain’t getting fizzed into the mix…KRASH!..Got nothing to lose.. except this incident is sure too lightspeed back to Francesca and make me seem even more like the enfant terrible..Maybe its time to disconnect myself from this whole stinkin scenario…Getting cold..betta get my sleeping bag and ease…
7.30pm …..lights like Christmas jam…waiting for the world to end..” And a big big love.. a big big love”- the Pixies…twinkle twinkle raven’s cry..a stranger shows no shame..lost child of Count Chocula with abowlfulla blame…all I want is to be loved again..”all I want is to hold you like a doll”-The Cure….wish I had some weed to really appreciate this moment cuz this Arizona Iced Tea ain’t making it…Lying near the deserted barb-q..the ranch is in disarray…barbed wired broken bricks dead batteries… nothing like last year..Jim Sperber and Susan Copi..the Cal Arts videohos ventured out here to interview Francesca for yet another project I was involved in that bombed…Up sideyahead…Fred is aka The Duckster a character in Francesa’s books, Weetzi Bat, Witch Baby Missing Angel Juan…was intense gathering round the wishing well tea candles floating on the black water…Fred unleased his mystic desert song as Francesca danced and danced….Gainup…Now the well’s dry the water’s gone and the magick is missing…No more No more I wanna be no more…rid me of this riddle of the right …I wanna be all wrong…
1:30 am…True men don’t kill coyotes but I might have to recalibrate my behavior.. where I ismy gun..right here…good cuz that noise spilling thru the mountains is inhuman look to my left and the studio is bleeding redrum redum redrum..Fred’s laying some sinister scifi in the mix…The final trax…calling falling..callin fallin…I have fallen earth ward and your asses are mine…I’m seeing constellations I’ve never seen before.. the whole universe from here practically and I swear is I zone real hard I can see past tommrow right into the next millenium..shit into my next life…wish there was someone else I could experience this with…
FASTFORWARD
Viglantes of L.O.V.E.
“Bywater By Way Of Blood”
New Orleans, LA 2.96
Chrissy we made it!…2,000 or so treacherous miles into the belly of this AmeriKKKan Beast…Joshua Tree, Phoneix,…Blood Jody and I’s 63 oldsmobile Holiday Super 88 got us here safely?… yet I’m tellin ya it’s not a trip we’re gonna scoobydoo anytime soon.. on four wheels at least…after an unexpected pitstop at the Magic Hotel in L.A.. Blood wouldn’t stop for noone nobody or nothin…not even when I slammed on his brandnew unpaid for brakes…
SFX ZOINKS
The kisstory was pretty tame spwn..until we had a close encounter of the Cop Kind in Fredericksburg, Texas…Taking 290 to Austin, Blood’s headlights blew in the middle of nowhere..ya know that’s agawddamn lie..Blood hasn’t had any lights since we bought him in Seattle last year…They blew on our return to San Francisco and I;’ve been too lazy or ccupied in this Infinite Sadness to bother having them fixed…Having zero dollars and next to no gas left Jody and I were forced to spend the night near the highway… You can’t imagine how scared I was…Visions of a predawn strike by the Killer Klown Krew kept me awake..for protection we had a coupla screwdrivers and a Louisville slugger I bought at Toys R Us before we left..” The Best Place On Earth”… but I’m sure any inter- racial hating good ole boys would have been pacling a helluva lot more than our pathetic arsenal…Damn though I don’t have much to fear cuz Jody whacks a mean punch
SFX THWWWAAAK!
We both about froze to death…13 degrees and looooooooooooosing altitude….plus my demented dreamworks didn’t help ease the helldorado…Eerie psychic tve of me dad butt naked except for a g-string bikini beating me with a two by four…Huh?…The next morning those darn kidz dynamic hairdos were startled by a piercing
FREDDY’S FINEST
Step out of the car now!
Apparently Blood had laid to rest in the driveway of a grainwarehouse…and all his windows had frozen over from the inside and the cops couldn’t see shit except the smirking rear window Devilhead…a hypnotonic souvenoir from our Polks Street exotica at the Leland Hotel….
MARILYN MANSON
Yes
the danger must be growing
Weeeez reeeeeeel wild childs…Clad in leather, shielding our eyes from the sun Jody and I crawled outta Blood without our romperstomper ready Wesco Boots..my Rebel belt buckle dangling near my undone fly….
FRANKENMIND
Howdeedoodee Officer Sir..Don’t mind lil ole me while
I clean the lovecum off the seat
DEE
OoOOH I’m telling Momma
Talk about one of the most sureal momnets in my life…and that’s saying a helluvawhole- lotta..Matter of smack we were both too groggy and cold to be afraid…
NEMO
(Slowly turning to Jody snickering)
Dood he’s got his hand on his gun
JODY
(laughing)
No way.
Shootshootshootit….shootshootshootit…shootshootshootit…I stayin character of the Def Com Demonoid receiving the Royal Rude Patdown…the cops ran our licences thru the SooperDooper Crime Computer courtesy of Microsoft and came uop dry…ha Though hold on to the hahas ..we heard the WORD growl that I was a white guy from Houston with a DWI
ARNOLD DRUMMOND
Whachubee talking about?
Shootshootshootit…shootshootshootit…shootshootshootit…but no one seemd to care about that very obvious oopsadaisy…and then the question we had been waiting for..
JONNY LAW
You’re not carrying any drugs are ya?
NEMO
Drugs? Us? Ya gotta be kidding.
And of course we were…and Jonny’s partner Jose Aint Taking No Shit From You Cuz
Odometer zoomed in for the kill…Holyshit this merry music’s got us spinning around and around and around and around might be stopped before The Delicious Vinyl and me could rocket scientist to Bourbon St….Settling my nerves I threw another quarter in the outer space jukebox and opened Blood’s trunk….
SFX: WWWWWWWWWWWide
Then crept to the hood and leaned hard…Jody worker her wonderful I’m soo lovable how could I be doing anything illegal Cali girl geehiz to the tee…Smiling and playing with her hair…If this Mallory & Mickey teamwork din’t clear the smokies nothing would… that and the fact Blood ‘ s trunk was crammed with Jody ‘s massive wardrobe, my books and The Altar Of Stranger Technology…Guess our new religion had paid its proper dues at Naked Eye Video cuz a few shuffles of the bizare heap and it was declared..
JONNY LAW
Looks clean to me.
And now for the coupdegrace..as Jonny & Jose headed back to their squad car leaving us free to be the freaks we wanna be…The Flim Flam Man That I am summertimed right behind and asked…
NEMO
Can we have some gas money?
Ha..my being as bold as Jim Brown was rewarded with a voucher for ten bux of Exxon..
SCORE COPS :0 JODY&NEMO:1…
We’re gonna try and get a place either in The French Quarter or Bywater the area below it…the 9th ward’s predominately a black neighborhood and the rest of the Bayouyayaz… I’m gonna try and complete a working draft of The Novel…While we’re here…I am Henry, She is June…I am Henry, She is June…Enclosed the fax Kent Fielding sent me about Insomicathon 96
A 48 hour nonstop poetry/music/theater/festival featuring over 100
poets and over 40 bands including Hunter S Thompson, Lawrence Ferlinghetti,
Amiri Baraka, Lee Renaldo Todd Colby, Nemo, Sonic Youth, Beastie Boys, Drunken
Boat, Anne Rice, The event will include a small press fair featuring books from
Soft Skull Press, Hozomeen Press, Boog Literature, City Lights Poetry Fly and
Permafrost
Got hold of Douglas Brinkley’s friend Ron Whithead and he said Insomicathon will be held August 16-18. His Literary Renaissance is slated to have my rocknrolling prose poster printed in time for the event..I’m not losing any sleep over it though ya dig…Hunter Thompson . shit I gotta get my copies of Hells Angels and The Great Shark Hunt signed…If the literal meaning of gonzo journalism is becoming immersed in the scene Maya Deren’s Divine Horsemen:The Living Gods Of Haiti qualifies bigtime.. Bought it at Sallie Glassman’s Island Of Salvation.. She’s the Jewish voodoo priestess somehow involved with the O.T.O. her magick botanica’s across from the PussyCat Caverns, an underground music venue run by Inga Muscio’s friends Panecea and Judy..graduates of Evergreen State College….the other day I parked Blood by the Pussy behind this olse school station wagon with Washington Plates and bwaaaaaaaaang a POD sticker was clinging from its fender…Remember Pod…the Olympia band I WORD WORD WORD….Pod…Sage…Imij…they’ve all bit the dust…Damn The Novel’s becoming more & more a memorial to a Paradise Lost…’Rounding Rounding Steady Compounding… A Topsy Turvy Turn Of Events That Leave The Keepers Of The Crucifix Unpaid”…Jody receives her first licketyspliff hoodoo zoom manana..you know I’ve never met any woman like Jody before…She’s so ambitious and brave even more than me sometimes… and her only true motivation is LOVE….Jody could/can have the pick of The Boy Litter but somehow she chose me… I hope you’re feeling better Chrissy..It’s too bad we couldn’t see you since we’re not in the Hollywood Hills often….and shit I hate to mention this again …Isn’t White Zombie gonna be in New Orleans soon…Do ya think?..NO NO WAIT WAIT DON’T DO..DOWN GIRL DOWN..HELP..AAAAAAUUUUUUGHH…..AAAAAARRRGH!
JODY
Go on girl you sure did wash that punk bitch outta your hair.
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
REWIND
Odds
& Endsville
“Girlfriends”
NYC
11.89
Closing credits of ScoobyDoo..Leshko’s Coffee Shop..corner of 7th & Avenue A…Break fast special with ham…The Village Voice cover reads…”The FBI Hates This Band.. NWA”…contemplating a solitary mosey uptown perhaps The Metropolitan…maybe.. Though I think I’ll stick to the lower eastside since grim economics sed my broke ass can’t afford the subway uptown…If you haven’t noticed…This is New York… last night newly shined shoes dragging my jetlagged butt to St Mark’s bookshop to purchase The Life of Langston Hughes, a rad African poet from the 20’s and 30’s I had never heard of til after my Euro-A-Go-Go…and I ran right into Val…a hip greek girl I bothered a lot last summer when I worked at Cumberland Farm…Work Ha more like reading the Bio graphy of Malcolm X mourning over Rebecca…Val lives here in the siddy now and you could say we’re kindred spirits cuz we’re biggger than life itself…so no way Jose was Norwalk gonna contain us….
VAL
Where are you coming from Malcolm
NEMO
Paris.
VAL
No shit. Come over to my place and tell me about it.
Her new apartment was on third adjacent to the Hells Angels booking office of Slap That Nigger Silly before you Can Buy That 12 Inch at Dancetrax down the block..upstairs I sat at the kitchen table drinking orange juice mumbling a few lines of prose while she resumed her frantic game of wholesale and retail..packing shrooms cocaine crank heroine and pills of unknown origin and potency for…
VAL
Friends. People ask me to get things for them and I do
My best if I can…I make a few bucks out of it but not
Really. Not really
I held back any comment…not out of indifference..or cuz I didn’t have one…its just after talking to Diane yesterday..
DIANE
Let’s get out of here. Offices are so formal.
I should listen more and not impose my world on others..
DIANE
Especially if you want to be asked back.
One of Val’s…uh..friends…Alan dropped by tall in a black me and my motorcyle jacket Captain America shields on both lapels…He squatted on the griity lineoleum floor..a nd with irises wider than wide should be said
ALAN
Oh my gawd Val you should have been at the party on
Sunday. It was in an empty swimming pool and everyone
Was on shrooms…After twenty minues almost evryone
Left things were so tense. And if you’ve got to locate some
Moonrock.
NEMO
What’s moonrock?
ALAN
It’s heroine and cocaine
NEMO
Oh.
Another 10 minutes of street knowledge then Alan dismissed class by placing thirty bix on the table..grabbes his brown bag of You Will Be Under My Control taking his leave with an exaggerated cheery
ALAN
Bye girlfriend.
My jetlag had rendered me null and avoid roaming the streets you romantic fool so I put Val on the spot for crash.
VAL
You can’t. I’ll be up all night running errands.
NEMO
Cut me some slack. I don’t wanna go back to Norwalk now
VAL
It’s a matter of trust man
NEMO
I’m not gonna fuck with your shit.
VAL
Why do you always do this?
NEMO
It’s a bad habit I’ll break…tomorrow.
VAL
I could ring your neck.
NEMO
Please.
VAL
Alright but you gotta be gone by seven. I’ll be back
Then.
As she got dressed for the danceteriasoundfactorytheworld…jeesuz she had lost a lot of weight…Val moaned how lucky I was to have gotten out of The States for a while and how she had to do the same..
VAL
I gotta go somwhere like Mexico or maybe the mountains
Upstate. I don’t know I haven’t figured it out. But it’s stupid
For me to mention it since I can’t pay the phonebill or rent
Much less a trip…And this jerk exboyfriend of mine stole
My leather jacket so I haven’t been able to sew on that
Russian patch you gave me.
Too tired I smiled faintly..notes of “Jane Says” swimming….Val gave the key a quick kiss on the cheek and left…hours later a lithe figure of red hair barged in thru the door
Starling me awake…It was her roommate Gina
NEMO
I’m..I’m
GINA
Nemo back from paris. Val left me a note.
Head back on the pillow…ssssssssssssssnore and then….later
GINA
…can’t believe this fucking shit. You’ve never danced
it’s every fucking twenty minutes 600 620 640 700 Its
hell I’ve gotta get out I can’t take it anymore. I’m busting
my ass to get this money together to get a place of my
own. You can’t imagine. Things are so much easier for you
VAL
Gina you put yourself in this situation. It was easy to stay
There dance and not look for a real job. Now things have
Changes, shits hitting the fan and you want out. That’s the
Ideal thing but sometimes you gotta do what you don’t
Wanna do even if it means staying there until you make
Enough money to leave.
GINA
Life is great for you Val you’ve got no problems You have
A home.
VAL
Yeah right things are fucking great. Like I really wanna
Deal. I wanna get outta this shit.
7:30 or so while the cartoons are flickering bitterly on the screen Val laid on her bed and flipped thru Vogue…I wanted to fuck her badly but I had taken a shower..and well she hadn’t…Hurried goodbyes and outside the streets were wet cuz sometime as I slept it had been raining but it wasn’t anymore…
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“He’s
Most Hardcore”
Lisbon
Portugal 11.88
Gave a boy in a café a copy of Surfer magazine…he seemed really to appreciate it and I guess I was in the mod to play The Generous American…Black African dood sat down next to me and mercifully translated my order..I asked him about the surfing deal. He sed it too place mostly in the (algarue) early in the morning..another dude at the counter told me about the about the winter scene in Morrocco..Sed the weather was warm and Casa blanca was magnifico…Not where I’m bound but it’s along the westcoast and more economical to fly there from Alsilah…Once I’m back in Norwalk I’ll send away for surf reports for the places I intend to go…After Asilah hit the states get a job save money then hit Brazil and Peru..Continue to surf write rage…I have this dream of one day retruning to Portugal buy this beatup station wagon strap my board on top, throw clothes in the back and just fllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly!
Beer and Fritos strategically placed on the front seat for easy access..Even by the slight chance I can’t purchase a sufrvoard I’ll go for the boogey board action.. Morey Boogie This how hardcore a sufre I wanna be..when you wear your wetsuit under you prom night tux, graduation gown, and your wedding day straightjacket…Man I was mean to be oceanlasting..too bad I can’t swim.. but hey let’s not get technical…
I bothered Henrietta and Anna the Danish not French girls as I first believed… Returning their sneakers I stole the night before I forgot to knock and busted in and caught a staggering glimpse of the prettier ones glorious tits…
FRANKENMIND
RRRRRRRRRRRROARRRRRRRRR!
They finally found time to squueeze me into their schedule had a decent dinner at the restuarnt….there I go again my spelling as gone to pot…all play and no waork makes The Manboy a dunderhead….I’d like to think it’s a direct result from The James Joyce I’ve been zonin…The Danes and I discussed the differences in parental relationships DENMARK VS. US. There the kids and adults get drunk off their asses collectively. In The States being seen with your parents after 8pm is a major embarrasment. This is why my Dad will never comphrend what I’m about…Him at 21..married with two kids with more on the way…job extra college courses…Me at 21…single Army dropout currently not in school or employed boogeying round Europe horny all the time…Hernrietta made a lasting impression on me..when she and Anna left the room minus the bottle of wine they entered with I had a hardon for an hour and half or soo…Be an honor and a privelege to do her in the name of The U.S. Of A… Have to break Wednesday for Switzerland. Yup Take three trains to Zurich to have Sanda blow me off…
DEPECHE MODE
I just can’t
get enough.
REWIND
Nothing
But Lipstick
“Enemy
Intelligence Update”
Columbia,
SC 11.87
Resuscitation Annie was a big hit with the troops…first time any of us fuckups have kissed anything vaguely resembling a woman….I personally went back for seconds Might find her missing after the first aid sessions are over. Prime Sispects Tierney and Taylor...I endured guard duty with Waterlander again..Nice night. The sky was chow plate clean…
SKY
Twinkle Twinkle lil Star
FRANKENMIND
Hey star why don’t ya pipe down some of us have to
Work for a living…
Maaaaaa maaa way….maaa maaa waaaay….the mysterious mongo mindmeld created ny the earthbound heart to soar thru the maaaa maaaa waay… maaa maaa way…and
STAR TREK
To boldy go where no man has gone before
OOPs wrong space opera..got awfully tired of living this life at the age of 16.. finally realized no matter how mundane boring stupid pointless ot trivial this channel was good as it gets and despite all my wylie coyote attempts to wish myself into another network
Show…
NEMO
(yawning excitedly)
Man I’m so outta here.
I’d wake up in the same bed…Fairy dust wasn’t powerful enough to break free of Reality’s Atmpshere..oh where is Peter Pan when ya need him..probaly screwing Wendy
….or depending upon how kinky he is..Tinkerbell…Loved those Flash Gordon Buck Rogers serials….rayguns& retro rockets plutonium zygalphonic adaptors…what exactly is a plutonium zgalphnic adaptor..Flash despite his rugged good looks & decatholon bod had a tough time reading the ingredidnets of Captain Crunch so ya know he doesn’t know I wanted to be Flash until I discovered il Black boys couldn’t grow up to be white space serial stars from the 30’s…talk about harshing on my traveling sideshow..Though I recovered and settled on…
TRIP
(on the bottome bunkbed)
Roy Rogers?
NEMO
Hey cowboys are people too…
I didn’t want to get up today..at all…The word was this heavyduty oodicer was dropping in for a surprise inspection..Surprise..hmmmmm, isn’t that supposed to mean unexpected.
But I wasn’t complaining…my wall locher looked like shit….I couldn’t do it Sunday.. I was painting the stairwell…the whole fucking stairwell…the privates who didn’t go to church were presented with this nifty opportunity to go man go…Pissed off at first then started to really get into it
NEMO
(high off fumes saluting stairwell)
Private Picasso reporting
The secret of my sudden success..the guys in my squad helped me get my act together.. folded every single article of clothing into itsy bitsy teensy weensy sizes and then crammed into a laundry bag… not a moment too soon ..the captain came in…
CAPTAIN
Private think its about high tide you washed your clothes
NEMO
Yes sir.
CAPTAIN
Private why do you have two BRM books?
NEMO
One was on the ground and I picked it up sir.
CAPTAIN
That’s good initaive private.
NEMO
Thank you sir
Sgt jackson had inspected us earlier and saw Rebecca’s picture on the locker door
SGT JACKSON
Private is that your girlfriend?
NEMO
Yes
SGT JACKSON
I didn’t know you were into that.
TAYLOR
White girls drill sergeant?
SGT JACKSON
No DW
Ha ha hee hee I knew what he meant…the fall of Furher Texas Tierney came to no surprise to me on Saturday I had predicted his demise by Monday..When Waterlander was demoted Tierney became in charge of The Cobras…Totally wrong move…He’s ask us what’s the deal for the day..he was the friggin squad leader…and he’d get pissed off when one of us brought this to his attention…The last straw was during the inspection and the captain pointed out Tierney’s wall locker was the messiest…Not even five minutes after the Captain left…the 4th squad was called to attention…The empire of evil was over and Tierney was demoted while we tried to hold back our laughter…Though our celebration was shortlived…The next morning the title of top dawg was returned to Waterlander
MUNCHKINS
DingDong the fat ass is not dead Stay in bed you sleepy
heads
WATERLANDER
I don’t want this job again but since I’ve gotta. I aint takin
Shit from you guys anymore understand, Nemo
NEMO
Out your ass Waterbuffalo
And now I’m on KP til who knows when…toldya Waterlander’s humble WORD was act.
Hey need a morning wakeup call…Join the 4th Squad’s Mile High Club..the inner circle is Tireney, Taylor, Secoy..Meet us in the latrene right after break fast…arrive early cause the stalls are first come, first serve..sit your ass down lean forward and crap with enthusiasm…
TAYLOR
This is the best feeling next to fucking.
The fumes are so dank they float down the hall..talk about chemical warfare..probably those t-t-tasty eggs..Taylor wins hands down for actual poundage per dump…Inducted Waterlander into the fold on Wednesday..since I’m the appointing committee.. my first response was nowayjose…Hating to see a 22 yearold man on his knees especially Water lander..he might not be able to get off of em…I flexed my executive powers and commissioned a junior shitters squad…I want to have a Mile High chapter in every fort in the continental states by next year before setting up the troops overseas and I feel letting Waterlander in could be a major set back in my plans for world domination..
FRANKENMIND
Excuse me partner time for a Reality Check.
NEMO
(gripping balls thru BDUs)
AAAArgh I can’t beat the system.
FRANKENMIND
AAAAh very good very good now once more with
Emphasis.
NEMO
Aaaaargh I can’t beat the system.
Payday was another showcase in humiliation…Lt “ Ichabod Crane” was handing out the moola…The idea was to walk forward when called, salute, get paid, do an about face and return to the sidelines…simple enough right?…tried not to attract attention to myself.. uhhuh who was I kidding..as soon as he gave me my pay allowance…
LT CRANE
Stand over here Private
Awwshit…thought of all the mistakes I could have executed in the past 60 miliseconds.. Shot Sgt Jackson my infamous look of clueless concentration…
LT CRANE
Private where do you come from?
NEMO
Norwalk, sir
LT CRANE
Why do you talk like that?
NEMO
Like what sir?
LT CRANE
All that gnarly stuff and whatever.
NEMO
I wasn’t aware I was doing anything wrong.
LT CRANE
Nothing’s wrong private. I just want to know the
Sorta people you hung out with.
NEMO
I don’t know what you mean sir.
LT CRANE
Don’t bullshit me private you’re gonna tell me some-
Thing about yourself before I let you leave.
NEMO
Some go to college. Some don’t. We read books
Listen to music.
LT CRANE
By music you mean that. What is that uhmn
NEMO
New wave.
LT CRANE
Yeah that New Wave stuff.
Well this impromptu interview before the entire Charlie company finally ended..and after it was done Sgt Jackson had me stand in front of the platoon and made me say “ dood” & “faggot”…I told Sgt Hill later on…he’d approach him about it..but I was like no. I’d only be labeled a momma’s boy and receive more shit..and I really really really really don’t need that.
FASTFOWARD
MotoDegenerate
“Filled
With Familiar Demons”
Joshua
Tree, CA 9.84
Aaah just finished taking a dump in the Joshua Tree Monument…behind the most accomodating cati…Ha HA excrement sure looks different upclose and personal than when its floating in a commode…Geronimo!..kinda kitschy cosmic..kinda krazy kool… but hey I’m a dreamer..crocked off comicbook vapors..geetar wings and chocolate chewing gum…Standing near rock formation #269….the monument appears to be The Thing’s breeding ground…of course legend has it Ben Grimm and the rest of the Fantastic Four were transformed into the First Family Of Superdooingz…by cosmic rays..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzapya like thatcha….but my connection to The Secret History confirms that this was his native hatchery…Ahhh The Father land..Seig Heil Seig Heil.. any minute now I'’ expecting Mom Pop and his kid siter Thing too bulldoze thru the terrain..once again for those in the cheap seats….PHRASE….hellbent on destruction..serving the killer creator…KOOL…though gadzooks the spook is holding on the defective bazooka…Real life..This is Real Life..A fact I’m forced to remind myself constantly…I get tangled up in my own stories, the truth, the lies…and after a while I can’t ascertain the logic from My Pet Project Of Pulling Your Leg…For instance I told everyone in Seattle..that my Powerbook got stolen..a real deal.. A guy named Denny fenced it for me to some junkies who need to computerize their smack…oh and that Dick Nystrom the Soho photograper bought me the whatever model it fucking was…but in reality it was Susan Copi’s and I ripped it …oh somewhere in between The Simpsons and Seinfeld…ya see Susan and I had a deal… she had to finish her film project in order to graduate from Cal Arts…and the professor was hassling Susan about vision and I felt sorry for her…I mean this was my Witchbaby here. ..so I offered to drive her to San Francisco…let’s go let’s go let’s go….vroomazoomzoom…and help finish shooting it…but then she gets with her girlfriends..and all of a sudden I’m holding her back…You know the usual you’re taking up to much space…I can’t afford this..you gotta stay some where else…and this is after The Marvel Comics fiasco of Who said they were gonna pay you that advance Nemo Not me ask Mort…and I’m like no way am I getting screwed again…so that night I hopped a bus to Mill Valley with hotwired in hand..and made up some good luck story for Andrea while I waited for Nystrom to fedex me some cash… Cash that got me a ticket on the Green tortoise back to Emerald City…Cash that didn’t last…as nearly all summer I langished on Francesca’s couch and agreed with Denny’s conspiracy theories about The Secret Hand… the hand that put $800 in wallet for two days cuz I turned around and bought The Beast.. that whole hellbound equation Powerbook=Cash=The Beast=On The Road is anuther reason why I was scared when the cop pulled me over…I didn’t know if Susan had the SPD issue a warrant for my arrest…She obviously didn’t so if I vid what I’m supposed to view its cuz of You Susan and your contribution to My On Going Account With God….Earlier today I shot the shit with Pete Stahl the leadsinger of Wool..it was his chant…
PETE
Come on baby let’s dance and shaaaaaaaaaaaake!
That reasurred me back to sleep…He strolled over to the wishing well where I was hiding
FRANKENMIND
Keep outta sight Nemo. Keep your mouth shut. Keep it
Closed. Don’t even breathe. Keep your head down low
Cuz when the lies are fired ya don’t wanna be shipped
Back to Seattle in a bodybag.
Pete was really cool and down to earth…the band’s recording their 2nd cd…their first release “Box Set” is out this week…The band’s footing the bill for this session so their label London Records can’t call the shots..Do whatever they want even if its cross town traffick combined with The Dominican Monks farts….When Fred’s finished completing the final mixes, they’re touring with The Melvins and L7 after jetting to New York for the CMJ…Ha everybody and their mama are spanning that great industry divide except Sage…the one band that should be there..You wouldn’t believe by looking at him but Pete’s in his thirties…I wuz like “Dooooood!” her I am close to 27 and couldn’t connect the way I wanted to this year…and he’s the dreaded three-oh and still pushing on. He’s from Washington DC and he and Dave Grohl the drummer from Nirvana used to be in the band Scream…they even played The Anthrax, the only powerpush club Norwalk had to offer…That is til the Concerned Citziens shut it down in 91..Goshgeewilikers those kids are having too much fun..It must be the work of..
BUTTHOLE SURFERS
Satan!
I was right in the middle of Operation Evil, weilding my Brand X Weirdo, not too ward off The Prince Of Darkness. But the slum dawg growls of
NORWALK SCENESTER
You’re not punkrock enough!
The same fuckers who cried the why are you here and cut the cord to the scene donated their combat boots to GoodWill, saddled themselves with kids, mortgages and easy listening 101…Hey ya’ll should have given the UK Subs another spin before giving in…
Pete actually listen when I whacked him with the “Beyonder” WORD…and he made my day by saying I sounded like the leadsingers of Discharge and GBH…Very hard… very
Punkrock….ha ya gotta be kidding…lil ole Nemo…
PETE
Why are you doing what you’re doing?
NEMO
I want to live the lyrics not just listen man
Sounded good enough but at the moment the journey’s leading me nowhere…No I take that back…Its lead me right here to the Monument where I’m wipin my ass with my hand…HELLYEAH…the Beast loves the desert, the heat, the sunbreezes, the intoxicating pearls of sweat on nubile hotbods, Opened him up on the runway, uh highway…Nintey five and counting muthaphuckas….Spied this cop up ahead and for a second thought about maintaining my mayhem….shootshootshootit…shootshootshootit..
What I wanna know is why Kerouac didn’t ride a motorcycle…Geez Hunter Thompson wasn’t struck soo numb as to use Public Transportation….Kerouac could of used his own big wheel..guess sombody steered him wrong…so I’ll set matters straight.. Hey Jack it’s the rockinest interstate mistake homeless malcontents can make..its stylish and relatively cheap..relatively cuz you can weseal all your kinfolk for cash…Tobacco gobbin geezers in Bumphuckeverywhereyou go nowhere will be convinced you’ve got something going one and give up their couch, daughter and their liquor up front.. Cuz it ain’t by chance that in Let’s Go California lands on page sixhundred and sixty six…Didn’t notice any Duddley Doo rights manning the gate when we crossed thru…hmmm me thinks time for a bitta target…Oh Grant…Cmere boy…
FAST FORWARD
Vigilantes of L.O.V.E
“Unholy Wow: His Batmanic Majesties Request”
New Orleans LA 2.96
I’m listening to Nirvana’s Nevermind…the door to the room is locked…I can open it any time…the decision is mine…this is my central kick…Instead I sit here sullen , morose, yet eager…Smoking a hastily rolled Drum siggyret, scanning pages from Dostoyevsky’s The Devi;ls, The Rolling Stone Rock And Roll Reader, Ted Mckeever’s Metropol and William Gibson’s Neuromancer…underlining images, phrases words..stark units of communication formed and unfurled speak nothing in their isolation that thru hard work and endurance can slowly congeal into a wish..a promise…a threat..acommand… a prayer…I don’t pray anymore…matter of fact I never fully believed in anything but my will to power…DooWhatchWannaDoo will be the whole of the law…This is my central kick…Angels do God’s bidding…Demons..the work of the Devil…the cosmos takes care of itself…so where would my plead for release, for freedom, for peace, fit in..my appearance style and beliefs are anything but normal….And any action to try and slam the sinister circle in the unforgiving square would mean I accept the symmetry of The gRand Plan…That despite my antieverything I really wanted to be in..that after all my howling the disco and whine against his Scheme Of Things I really..well you get the idea so I silently I sit in this room letting the music gradually mystic its magick…and wait til its claws shred open a wound I my mind’s eye…let the primordial ooze drip upon the expanse…invisible but deadly..serene yet pleading for another soul..another victim another number…the pus takes form…I look down to xray eye its manifestation slithering across The Powerbook’s keyboard and its fingers..brown digits swollen from the gas heater’s stale breath..darting back and forth..here and there..rapid action of an old technique reborn..a word rebellion of increasingly subtle construction that leads down a path from which no one can return…I am the lonely burden of proof that leaves a secure home and roams the earth searching for a plane that can never be found…This is not my home…it has never been…Nevermind…No, I will carry on…the choice has been made... a decision I sensed asa child would be my undoing…Today is unlike another day in this throbbing cell of captivity…each corner a different level of hell…Its bars groan sting bite pull startle scream…Its dark down here and the only light is the computer screen… and its not blue grey but a translucent emerald green…and if I squint…if I close my mind to the past…a soothing Come go with me beckons closer closer..closer…and I;m almost home again, home again, jiggety jig..but
NIRVANA
There’s something in the way yeah..
Maybe tomorrow Maybe next week..though it really doesn’t matter…You see I’m dead already..just not buried…and this is my central kick…..
REWIND
Odds
& Endsville
“Law
Of The Murph”
Norwalk,
CT. 1.89
Yet anutha brandnew 365..to think of where I was a year ago kinda sends me reeling… In the Army..Still In Love with Rebecca..Depressed..HA…Nice to know some things never change…Starting the year off right by watching the cool Alf cartoon and heading for New York with Jennifer…We gotta stop my her Moms on Fifth Avenue..How did I encounter her…Come on guys you’ve been following this story for a while…Jennifer’s a willing victim of the ole Nemo charm…Patent pending…Met her last week at Donavan’s
With Al..Even Kevin showed up and graced us with his prescence….
NEMO
Kevin there’s this new invention. It’s called
The phone. Try it you might like it.
KEVIN
Yeah bitch and when you’re near one. I’ll
Use it.
Uh-huh…whatever…what I’m still giddy over is Murphy’s Law played their last show of ’88 at The Anthrax…Yup Jimmy Gestapo Todd Youth and us the wylds of Suburbia having a whole mess of massive fun…
MURPHY’S LAW
Gonna have a crucial barbeque
Drunk as a sknunk and then some on new Year’s Eve…I was looking rather suave, my outfit..Pink Brooks Brother shirt, pleated woolen Polo trousers, braces, a freaking bowtie I couldn’t fasten at all.. I sucked up the pride going over Jessica’s, hoping Jim wouldn’t be pissed at my prescence…
NEMO
No, I’m not gonna spend the night
And have Liz do tie it for me…Partied at Krypton’s with Cathy Szarnecki and her brat boy friend. Brad…Dood’s only a junior at Greenwich High School and he’s got a brand new BMW. His room was the gawddamn guest house with a fucking fire place.. Brad’s pretty cool though for a richie…Smoked herb, chugged bottles of Dom Perrignon from his parent’s cellar…The big talk talk was how much weight Oprah has lost and bets were being made on when she’ll put it back on…Should have stolen Brad’s Bass Weejuns soo I won’t have to buy those $120 Timberlands. I’m off to Mexico in a week or so and the funds are low…Kramer mentioned I should try and get to California and visit him at Pomona College..Thanks and maybe another cute Jewbitch l will lead me on and blow me off like Rachel did at Swarthmore.
MURPHY’S LAW
Gonna have a crucial barbeque.
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Eyes Tightly Shut, Groin Firmly Clutched The
New England
Manboy Surfbeast Dives Head First Into
Another Adventure”
Zurich, Switzerland 11.88
Destination Paris..Diane wants me to hang around Zurich so Sherill can get me my ticket. I either lost it or it got snagged in Lisbon but I can’t stay here another day…Escpecially after Sandy’s father had a glorious fit after he discovered I was holed up in her Uster pad and threatened to call the police…Neighbors has said I was there for six weeks..yeah right…Gee space cadets my Trip has been one major fuck me over after another.. Sanctuary with a Continental corncob…For what seemed like eons I was imprisioned in Sandy’s apartment with only the Sky Channel as my link to the real world..Hungry and Horny..I fell, jumped..you get the idea outta her third story window in order to catch the tram to the city..just to buy something to eat..I had ben existing on Mars bars and beer while Miss Sandy ran here and there going to concerts, Bonjovi, Sade with her boyfriend that she was supposed to have eightysixed. Don’t worry I got
FRANKENMIND
The Ultimate Revenge.
Used her phone to ring up everyone I knew in the States…Somehow managing to get in touch with Rob…He told me not much was happening his way in Harrison..school chicks, the basics…I know its all talktalk but he’s entertaining the idea of hooking up with me and heading to Morrocco…Rebecca was glad I called but she hadn’t received my postcard..she couldn’t talk for long she had to attend some eeeeeeeeeeegahds sorority
Meeting…The Jewbitch also received The Superfreak..Jessica sez she dumped Kramer and he has been off his rocker since his mother’s in the hospital dying…But then I talked to Chris today and he sez it’s all lies…claiming he initated the breakup in September after he and the Trupins visited Jessica at St. John’s where she played ring around the rosies with his heart and how
KRAMER
Man its all over St John’s that college had caused
Her to lose what lil sense she had left.
Since I’ve never been intimate with Jessica I don’t know what this means…if it’s a hint she’s ready to get down and dirty I’m game…Chris has scored a new girl whose very intelligent, into music and..
KRAMER
Doesn’t have a wardrobe.
Ha just as I thought..we did get down to business and talked popshop..I mentioned the Happy Mondays and Def Jam’s new rap band Original Concept.He told me to get tickets for The Primitives thanksgiving show at The World. Might be like old times and invite Shernee to tag along…My conversation with her was the surprise of the evening..She was excited I was coming back and told me she’d take off time from work to do shit..Of course she got on my ass..
SHERNEE
Nice letter.
NEMO
What letter?
SHERNEE
Exactly.
Earl sed he’d let me have his surfboard…awhite 6footer with a leash..for seventy five bucks…AINT LIFE GRAND!…And I know this is gonna cause a few snickers from you hardasses but even though I wanna be this literary crazymaker, deepdowninside I wish I could be a Monkee…that show just rocks!…They’ve got the kooky car and clubhouse
Swanky threads and the killer tunes. Think the lads in the Wonderstuff could use those kinda WORD to their definite advantage..oh well the 10:15, the train leaves at 10:37, twentytwo minutes before bon voyage and the assholes at the station still don’t know what gate it’ll be leaving from..Time enough for The Parade of Fools Countdown 88…
5) Me
4) George Bush
3)Michael Dukakis
2)Me
1) Mr. Peebles. I mean he tries to get rid of a talking gorilla..like..HELLO.
REWIND
Nothing But Lipstick
“Top Gun At Attention”
Columbia, South Carolina
FASTFORWARD
MotoDegenerate
“In & Out ”
L.A. 9.94
The Dream Fuck Wish List Top Ten (Sorta)
1) Lisa Bonet/Dorothy Dandridge
2) Winona Ryder
3) River Phoneix
4) James Dean, Rita Hayworth, Katherine Hepburn (1941)
5) Nina Gordon,
6) Any hotbod in Rio
7) Henry’s June
8) Jane Bowles
9) The Savage Nights cast
AND SOMETIMES EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD SO EVERYONE CAN GET SOME SATISFACTION…if you couldn’t tell by now I’m in a great mood..
Uncle Phil socked me with The Holy Cow cash…WE’RE IN THE MONEY… WE’RE IN THE MONEY ME AND THE WORLD ARE GONNA GET ALONG… The Pop Will Eat Itself Public Enemy prevailed despite Landmark Not So Entertained complained to my Uncle Phil I was on the rampage this morning yelling” Where’s my check?” Total bullshit I may act like a fool but not tight before The Payoff…Uncle Phil knew it too thogh I proabbly would have received next to nothing if I hadn’t reenacted a scene from
WORD…and turned on the waterworks.. Can you imagine being grounded in Hollywood with zilcho dinero…Spooooooooooooky…Jason couldn’t front that fright with two forty foot knives..Uncle Phil sed he’d help me out again if I need it but I’m not pushing my luck..So I sed “Fuck It” to the tourist trip HannaBarbera animation studios and the Church of Scientology Celebrity Center and made trax to Melrose Ave…Zeroed in on a supremium jacket..a seventies Sears & Roebuck Hercules worn to the bone.. at Leathers & Treasures, an emporium of oleskool gear…Scored a headshave then BAM! Back on The Beast..Gotta change his oil gotta change his oil gotta change his oil…Quick stop outside the city a In& Out..and diver downed…I’ll admit it..I’m ruthless like L.A. in Levi’s…and I mean business when the menu is meat….Hamburgers..getting one in California is a religious experience..Blesse Be The Beef…Instead of Hail Marys. Its How many…Zoomin to the drive thru in you rwhitewalled four on the floor none on the wheel all on the door locomotive…the fumes of greasy onions and premium unleaded fusing its way into your leather, your Lees, your lungs..It’s good. You’re good. So damn good. But sorry son you’re not that good cuz you’re stalled in a three hour twentyseven car lineup waiting to get your goodies…The entire time saranwrapped in a viicous vortex of musical melodies freaking with your forecast…Rock Rap Country Western Urban Contemprary Metal Folk…Classical House…Techno Bach..Pop goth hymns of needy junky love and a destructive desire for last siggyret before you take a sledgehammer andbeat the crap outta that dripping faucet you’ve asked your lazy gutterstinkin Penthouse perusin sorry excuse of a landlord to fix ten fucking months ago…Ten severly tense tossing and turning psycho killer contemplating months ago..Yeah all that music…All that waiting but you don’t mind. Not at all..It’s a great time to lower the seats, loosen your inhibitions let down your pants and make the most of the grabba grabba hey ho sinister fiercefly freak riding shotgun…slap that ass..slap that ass..then after hitting the heights, you crank the sounds and meditate on your order…No time for seconds…No more humping around..this is business…serious business…first the burger…a double triple or a double bacon cheez or bacon cheese triple or triple cheese no bacon..O r maybe just bacon…eeeeeeeeent.. scratch that..This isn’t about breakfast…this is about burgers…then its frenchfried or onion rings or chocolate shake or Coke an dmaking sure you score a cacheful of ketchup. Me I loathe the shit but I bust the brakes gitta whole lot…Why?..Simple. I’m the asshole remember…Tiny inconvient packets of the reallyred condiment..I hit Wendy’s Burger King Big Bob’s Jack In The Box..The whole giddy gaggle of keep it comin quick… The shazam sureeswarmee of shazam here I am frenchfried franchises..talking 20 at a time… Four hundred in a fortmight and of course nobody’s gonna say a single word.. cuz I’m a black man…the marketplace for this festive array of brightly boxed bullshit…a hook line and sucka for this crazy circus of crap cuisine…
THE REPLACEMENTS
I’m a customer I’m a customer
And a customer has rights..they’re always right…First rule of thumb…It’s the law of the land.. It’s greater than gravity…And if you gotta problem with that slap of reality.. here’s a bit of advice..Don’t go into business boss!..Cause I’ll becoming like a bandit to collect what’s mine…and that’s ketchup…Hand it over loverboy…and do I have clothes in the closet, food in the fridge, No I’ve got ketchup, been stockpilin it for years cause when this world ends..when it exhales its last gasp..final finale there ain’t gonna be no mo Safeways, QFC, Circle k, 7-11, Shopright or Shopwell…Ain’t gonna be nothing to shop People gonna be scavenging, growing their own shit..and its gonna taste just like that… SHIT..and guess what’s gonna make it taste a wholehelluvalotmobetta…you got it.. Ketchup..and whose the punk that’s gonna have it..Me..HA! Talk about corner on the market..
FAST FORWARD
Vigilantes Of L.O.V.E.
“Escape To Witchy Poo’s Zoo”
Guest Appearance By Jodycat
New Orleans 5.96
Nemo and I are going to New York to pursue our dreams and fufill our fantasies. We made a pact not to fight with one another and to respect each other’s mood and wishes. We realize that outsiders will place voodoo curses on us because of our relationship… We will not allow anyone to get in our way. We cannot help being young smart and talented and we like to flaunt our Super Sexy Shit around town and get in people’s faces because it’s all part of The Big Picture. You will be unable to comprehend The Plan til you see The Finished Product. Which when completed will enlighten or outrage you depending upon your perception of Reality.. Basically I’m sick of New Orleans and all the bullshit. Sick of all the lazy limp losers in town who are killing themselves with too much ego actually thinking they are going to escape this cesspool. What’s so funny is that they don’t even realize that they’re sitting on top of their own shit that’s boiling beneath them even as I write…This is not the life for Nemo and I…We actually like New Orleans and some of the people have proven themselves to be friends but WE ARE AWARE OF OUR POWERS AND THE ROAD WE MUST FOLLOW IN ORDER TO BECOME MAXIMUM DRIVE.
REWIND
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Go Go Gone Wrong”
Hartford Ct 11.88.
Okay so its bad enough I had to leave Europe almost a whole freaking month early cuz some desperate jackass pocketed my airline ticket. Bad enough I got the total hassle when it came to get my ticket..
AIR FRANCE RECEPTIONIST
Nemo we have no reservation for Nemo
And then there was the six hour wait in the WORD due to a labor dispute..but now we’re waiting in Bradley Aiport. But I’ve got me a major number..Hotel Royalton…212 869 4000..It was given to me by ths Dutch babe Marie Anne Audejans…She works at Paris
Vogue as a sessions editor..and she’s gonna be in New York for a week…I’m dying to go out with her… Went so far as to suggest she commute to Connecticut for Thanks-giving..Great now all I need is find some pitying family to invite me over for the festivities. No problem.. There’s always The Rhoades…First thing manana I go see Molly Ringwald’s new movie “Fresh Horses” and eat 2 tons of hot dogs at Papaya King..
Yup Pardners, there ain’t no place like
FRANKENMIND
Home? Ha didn’t you tell Grandma you were never
Coming back.
Ohyeah.
REWIND
Nothing
But Lipstick
“Love
Takes A Holiday ”
NYC
11.87
All the recruits arrived at the airport in a Slimer green bus..Sgt Hill following us…Walk-
ed thru the terminal in a single file…every one of us a huge manila envelope ..Looking like candidates for the next set of Jerry’s kids…Some troopster fucked up.. and for a second we all thought we’d have to execute a farewell
SGT. HILL
Drop!
Still not used to flying thousands of miles above in God’s Country so I focuse on being reunited with Rebecca…Got to Grand Central Station ahead of schedule..People were arriving from New Haven…No Becca….What the hell did she miss the train?.. Did Regina unexpectedly transform into The Incredible Bitch
REBECCA
Mom can I go?
REGINA
No!
REBECCA
Mom!
REGINA
No.
Wait.. another train would be arriving in 20 minutes
FRANKENMIND
She’s gotta be on that one. Come on.
MONTY HALL
Hi folks Monty Hall here and this is Let’s Make a Deal
Our first contestant tonight is a nice young soldier home
For the holidays. Let’s have a round of applause for
Private Nemo.
APPLAUSE!
Hi Nemo nice to have you on the show.
NEMO
Thanks Monty its great to be here. Hi Grandma
MONTY
So you’re in what part of the armed forces?
NEMO
The Army.
MONTY
Being all you can be right?
NEMO
Trying to at least.
MONTY
Always did say dishwashing was a great line of work. Ha Ha
Only kidding. I’m sure you’ll be an ooficer in no time. You
Want to be an officer right?
NEMO
I’d rather be well paid.
MONTY
HA HA well paid…haha let’s see if we can help you
Tonight at least with the Love Thing. Here’s a deal
Behind the curtain 1,2, or 3 is your lovely Rebecca
Pick the right one and she’s yours, forever. If not hey
You’re young sound fair?
NEMO
Sure.
MONTY
So is it curtain #1, curtain#2, or curtain #3?
NEMO
#3 I have a feeling.
Twenty minutes had passed..the next train came in…she wasn’t on that one either… I was the verge of taking an unscheduled flight to Bummersville when I headed back to the information Desk…Our originally planned point of contact..and there she was…
NEMO
Rebecca!
Hugged her..held her…and didn’t want to let go…walked around Manhattan doing absolutely nothing…she didn’t have much to say and I was rambling in order to close the obvious distance…An univinted guest had crashed our lil get together…And in a coupla hours she had returned to Stamford, later that evening at a movie theather uptown with Jessica..I took that trip to Bummersville anyway via “Planes Trains & Automobiles”
I phoned her the next day…
NEMO
I miss you.
REBECCA
That’s good but I’m late for work.
Where was my Cookie? Who or what had gobbled her gone? Depressed beyond words I subwayed from the Upper Eastside to Greenwich Village to vizz “Empire of The Sun” Steven Spielberg’s new film based on J.G. Ballard’s book. And here’s where I would make some connection to The Big Screen and my life so you could kind of figure out where this all going but Ihave had enough of leading your hand..You’re on your own.
FASTFORWARD
MotoDegenerate
FASTFORWARD
Vigilantes
Of L.O.V.E
“Big
Black Chelsea Boots”
NYC 9.96
If you haven’t surfed the wurm via Johnny Stiff’s Motor City Moving Van and heard the word I’ll let you in on the news… Jody and me are currently loving touching and cussing at The Chelsea Hotel…
THE DOORS
We want the world and we want it now.
Thankyou and I might even tip sez Mr. Pink
CARTOONMUSIC
They’re Pinky and the Brain
They’re
Pinky and The Brain
One is a Genius
The others insane
The list of luminaries who’ve stumbled down thesestairs is fucking wicked…Check It Out.. Jimi Hendrix…Janis Joplin…Bob Dylan…Mark twain…Hart Crane… Edie Segwick…Sid Vicious…Nancy Spungen…O.Henry…Dylan Thomas…Arthur Miller.. Willaim Burroughs…and lo and behold Candance Osborne..my ole art design freak friend from West Morris Central…so I can’t complain…Stanley Bard the hotel owner has been pretty understanding even after I bombed the bass in the lobby a coupla weeks ago.
You would have too after an untalented Canadian Crooner hits ya with a look of disgust
Hey Brian Adams how can a limp dick cut like a knife?…please..Anyhow The Chelsea’s the joint. A superduper shaggy doghouse with Eiffel Tower high ceilings and four feet deep walls which is really scrumpdelicious if you and your freak love machine are twistin the night away but bad if some F.B.I. guy’s on a mission to
DAALECKS
Exterminate Exterminate Exterminate
Gee if a gun goes off in a soundproof room. Is there a BOOM!
NIRVANA
Just because you’re paranoid
Doesn’t
mean they’re not after you
But fuck that noise..Nobody’s gonna rip apart our World Wide Web without a fight..
THE CLASH
When they kick out your front door
How you
gonna go
Shot down
on the pavement
Or waiting
on Death Row
Yeah we like it here..so we’re gonna stay..for now..
REWIND
Odds
& Endsville
“Bewilderwow”
Norwalk,
Ct 1.88
Crazydreamtime again…Our West Morris school bus was going on a treacherous safari complete with lions tigers and bears ohmy…and due to her gift of the gab my sister Tanya singlehandedly let Dad’s new Jeep Wagooner get stolen out from under our noses
But the last part of the dream was the best…I was Jack Pumpkinhead the lifesized muppedt from the other Oz books..And we all had this evil stepfather Vice Roy and lived at Boogey Boogey Manor..It’s real name was Sunshine Acres but he changed it when he forced our mom into marrying him…He sent his dufus son Miltie to do battle with me You see I had discovered the secret of Vice Roy’s powers. He had made a pact with this nogoodwitchnik to put the whammy on Dad’s toy…The Hugabugbee..One hugged the creature and it hugged you back except with the slight adjustment by her wicknedness the toys hugged the kiddie customers to tight til the air escaped from their valves leaving them lifeless shells..Of course Dad’s reputation was ruined and he was banished from La La Land…One wild and wolly night during the irst annual Boogey Boogey Manor Beastie Ball drunk off his ass Vice Roy stumbled thru the halls boasting of his dastardly deeds…Me being the only nappyheaded upstart bold enough too venture from the dungeon I overheard his ravings…And as fate would have it, His Badness found out thanks to his lifesize jack in the box..Xavier your basic all knowing all seeing type.. Once again Vice Roy called on the nogoodwitchnik Cindy and one whammy later I had been transformed into Jack Pumpkinhead...Since I couldn't talk I my own defense His Badness told the people of La La Land I was the villian who had put the the curse onDad’s hugh abugbeez..So I was cast off too…but xavier prophecied my prodical son like return one day..though Vice Roy scoffed at the notion…His refusal to believe in the inevitable was his undoing…whattadope..Didn’t the dumb ass realize this was a fairytale and I’d come back and whoop his unbelieving butt…Viceroy’s achiile heel unknown even to Miltie was rice pudding laced with cinamonn and Old Crow whiskey…so with the help of my freak friend on The Other Side..we whipped up the largest dish of the sweet mix and under the cover of night cart it too Boogey Boogey Manor…The results were astonishing
Even to me…you know with spin doctors changing the script at the last minute and shit..
We held Vice Roy back from the dessert extrvaganza until he confessed to his crimes and reverted ownership of the estate back to Moms..then we let him go to work.. and after consuming the pudding in record time…(His Badness simply burst into nothingness)
Change…His cohorts fled and my spell was broken and we lived happily ever after.. until HA..the real ending was more like a scene from Robert Wagner’s ‘Prince Valiant’.. pure swashbuckling junk with a battle on the drawbridge complete with gory deaths… but hey its my cool world and I’m paying the no deposit no return on this gig… What had me pissed is considering all the resturants in Fairfeild County…Rebecca has to tote her Joe Fraternity boyfriend Dave over to Sono and eat at Sweptaways’s…Give me a fucking break already…She’s heard the last from me and nobody’s selling bodyboards and I don’t have excess cash to see this french flick ’36 Fillette’
LYNN DARLING (Newsday)
“Delphine Zentout is armed with a sexual precociousness that makes
Lolita look like the March Of Dimes poster child
CARRIE DARLING (philadelphia inquirer)
“A delectable comedy about a sexually ripe and intellectually
provacative Gigi with raging hormones and a high I.q.”
LONG JOHN SILVER
ARRRgh matie sand to think me last girl has skin like prarie
Dawg leather
FASTFORWARD
Euro-A-Go-Go
“Look
Ma No Hands”
Frankfurt
Germany 6.89
Wuckawuckawuckawucka..So convinced the Pan Am Clipper was destined to be a fire-ball scorching The atlantic on my flight over here I ambushed the drink tray..
FRANKENMIND
Ain’t going out sober.
Wuckawuckawucka and thought about the impromptu bonvoyage celebration at Marque’s in Richfield..Poptarts…Public Enemy..White label whiskey… Warm couch.. her friend Susan steadily moaning No as she shed every stitch of her clothes..Marque hornier than I ever thought possible..got into the swing of things..Both of them lying next to me..oddly satisfied…..wucka wucka wucka…spying this abstract high rise as the plane approached Frankfort I nudged my neighbor…
NEMO
Dosen’t that look like the Jetson’s place.
Wuckawuckawucka..loveitloveitloveit…Silke is such a spoiled brat..she’s gotta magnifi-cent setup here…any Good Samaritan would casually turn the other way as their Grand Mother was strung up by her toes in order to score this pad..I’m the FitzMan…And She’s my Zelda..Besides inscribing my tag on the Berlin Wall..and whooping it up on Bastille Day in Paris.. a definite must is catching the Simple Minds concert here in town…
SIMPLE MINDS
Don’t
you forget about me.
And it would be fuckyeahawesome if I can hookup with Kramer in London for the Redding Festival…tripping on X…shooting the shit Fly Guys
GHOSTBUSTERS
Two in the box
Ready to go
We be fast
They be slow
Right now I’m blasting Big Black’s ‘Songs About Fucking’
BIG BLACK
Set me on fire
Keroscene
Set me on fire
Keroscene
Day Two and there’s already trouble in paradise…Not really about me staying cuz..I AM.
Okay so Silke did have The Talk with me last night..
SILKE
Nemo you can’t stay.
She said she was beginning to hate me cuz I’m here and she feels trapped in another relationship and that she likes me loves me maybe and she won’t if I continue to be around…Oh and you perhaps didn’t beg me to come her you..BITCH!.. Silke claims I’m lazy and need to be entertained continually..Gee I guess jetlag has nothing to do it…BITCH!..I know its crazy but maybe..just maybe…I understand about her needing space..cuz I need mine.. should have brought that hostel card like I started to…we talked about the abortion which has created this ever widening gap of guilt between us…she told me about how she’d lie in the bed..holding her stomach talking to the baby..who moved around endlessly and her cravings for
SILKE
Scrambled eggs and jelly
I don’t have a clue where our relationship is heading…and there’s nothing but mass con-fusion on who I’m supposed to be…why ohwhy am I always forced to participate in some fucking role playing game.. Why can’t I just be Nemo and leave it at that..Why do I have to be The Funky Black Man Who Fucks Girls Stupid…Why can’t people play their
Vivaldi 5 Flute Concertos Flotenkonzetre without involving me…Ain’t no Terence Trent Darby…Ain’t no toy boy…for the last time I’m…ME..dreamer writer fuckup.. and if Silke and I’s relationship ends..no more holding on and on…even though I’m a Stranger in A Strangeland broke and almost homeless….Oddly I’m experiencing that..
NATIVE SON
He had this destiny in his grasp more alive than he could
Ever remember having been… His mind & attention were
Pointed focused towards a goal.
Funny how in the beginning I thought The Novel was breaking new ground.. Yet Richard Wright, James Baldwin Ralph ellison have been there done that already..Laid the foun-dation and built the house…Ha me and lil condominiumum…what I have to say is as useful as a gawdamn lawn ornament… held captive by the Romance Of Life And The Music Of Time… Turning glimmery glimmery chains of oppression….and yet I’m glad to be her Prisoner
REWIND
Nothing But Lipstick
Columbia, South Carolina
FASTFORWARD
MotoDegenerate
“The
Bitch Ain’t Got Brakes”
Phoneix
Arizona
Bored yet…well too fucking bad…ain’t no paybacks, refunds or returnables…right now every cent you shelled out for this New Africa Incesticide is being shipped to my phaat ass vault on my Mysterious Island In The Center of The Earth 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea…Put it down if ya wanna..Go ahead I insist..Really. Stop reading and take your sad sack whimpering whiny behind back to your steady slacking existence..but I wanna just let y aknow this raw power is wired…I know who you are..what you look like…what you’re wearing and most importantly your credit rating…and trust me I won’t hasten to use the 411 to my advantage..
SFX: Ding Dong
Trick or treat..Ha..well Trix are for kidz…I’m part of The Jungle Bros Youth Groove ment..Paranoid…Depressed…Malnourished….Malajusted…Overeducated…Under-Employed…Got no plans for the future cuz our butts have been written off.. Pushed over for the profit…So I’m pissed…And I wanna see some fuckhead try and house my ride.. Any takers?…Didn’t think so..I’m the Monsta Gawd Nigga succumbing to the raw dawg liquor…a wreckin effectin wyldwalking terrortalking schemin Sega ceedee in dopescope threedee…Intent on stormtrooping your transmission..killing the signal with my poison pen precision…Seize your primetime minds and scoobydooya like you ain’t never been done before…Gonna clerify your visualization with a smack upsideyahead…then willy wonka ya with the dance of the dead..Gonna snick snick snick snatch your coloring book then take the touch I took and scribble it with my wyld mixx of markers and me oh me oh my wouldn’t ya knowa..it ain’t crayola…Got no time to be wasting on your hesitation…
Step aside if ya ain’t hip to the bye and bye…the tidal wavin misbehavvin..Make no mistake about the speed I’m cravin…Bat Bat come under my hat…Ready set yo..One two three, I’m revvin the mean and like the sayin sez and the goin goes..”The bitch ain;t got brakes”…
Knew I had to hit the road after watching Roadside Prophets ..amotorpsycho flick starring John Doe and Adam Horowitz…Me and my motorbuddy Leeza Leeza rented it this summer..By the way she’s the one who helped me buy The Beast and taught me how to roadrage so if you gotta problem with my rockabilly…BLAME IT ON THE BITCH!.. and then..SHE’LL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS… Ha!..So the two of us are watching this noise..I have no idea where Moman was…plowing thru a field of poppies…
DAARK ATARI
If they buy you will trip.
And then phased into the vid..the wickedest scene is when the dynamic duo’s in the desert…taking hits of the thermakool with David Carradine…The Big D informs them that they are Riders Of The Storm who must make the Ultimate Sacrifice..Those who must lead…the martyrs of motordom…the soopadoopa chuckle looper has rendered the ticking clock speechless…and I…WUZ…at this secret society’s rountable..given a golden invitation…callin, fallin…laced with steel…told to get off my ass..and do the deed that must be done…Of course the guys had more stokin bikes than I…Doe was sporting a classic Harley and The Beastie Boy was rippin on a Triumph…a complete joke considering he only paid $500 for it and the dood threw in a leather jacket, helmet and goggles…ONLY IN HOLLYWOOD… Though hey look at me..so never say never…one thing you do learn when roadrippin is when a gas station is pullin an Operation Rip on ya this morning I bought few dollars of Powerplus and the stream screamed by in fiftteen seconds flat..I mean the fuel gauge was just trippin the price a bit too light fantatstic for my liking…
FRANKENMIND
It’s a gyp. Forget this shit.
And decided this wasn’t the place to fillerup…Paid the price and rode on…No argument from me this time…Why?.. let’s figure the arthmetic…One haughty looking black Kid Eternity, one thousand shotgun shufflin yahoos bored to beer…Appears I would be in the red, as in a bloody smear webbed to the cactus…or worse…
ARIZONA CRACKER
Boy since you is so goshdarn intelligent. We’re gonna
Keep your carcass in a cage and raffle you off as The Lil
Nigga that Thought He Could.
Survival’s secret is knowing ehn to show and when to fold right outta town…
LOUIS CYPHER
Such are the harzards of your profession Mr Angel
If the fee bothers you we can have it adjusted.
SFX: Zoink$!
FASTFORWARD
Vigilantes of L.O.V. E.
‘I, Alien Superfiend”
NYC 9.96
I, Alien Superfiend am the Alpha The Omega and The Oo-Bla-Dee.. I speak in rabid riffs of pfuck rockabilly… I skin tight sci-fi sequences of chilli with The Phantom Phaatback over and out.. I am The D. Generation judge, jury and groovecutioner…Creator and Destroyer shod in gutterpunk CK jeans…A Boy named Boo.. Dynomutt is a robot Scooby Doo and your laws no longer hold me for I live a million miles away in my Shintakarajima…Trip away to my Metasiddysix…My anger is justified…My wrath is pure..I bleed the scrawl on the inner wall..
MALLORY
There’s no escaping here.
If 6 was 99 and the pleasure’s all theramin…I seek only victory..I taste only hate… I am unholy..I am chronically unsane…The hammer of the gawds has been stolen stripped then technofied and it will never be returned for this monsta reverb is my own under- taking…I making so the punchers get punched and the killers get killed… Choice your fate…Free your will… Missle Launched Huff Huff Puffnstuff…Phuck Daa Police.. Phuck Da Pope…I bite the hand that feeds me and demand more…I am the Nigga Un Furled and The Girl unheard…You can’t get deeper than this…
BEASTIE BOYS
Hold it now hit
it
You will never know the the compleat awareness of a powe yet to be unleashed.. The Dredd Inside My Head..
GUY SMILEY
Ultra small design fits in a shirt pocket.
Is Fuji film kwik snap plus…I am The San Francisco Spider spitting myths of a Man Gone Mo Than Dizz Knee Deep In Evil…I am the final rain…I am the final sun.. I am the Locomotion Overlord screaming the seams undone… Missles launched.. Huff Huff Pufnstuff.. Fuck Daa police.. Fuck daa pope.. I am The Barefoot Executive swimming behind you scene of broadcast snooze.. I have written the book buried beneath the rain- bow…Manga No Kamisama’s Neon Tai Chi andit skylights your doom… There is no room to manuever…All the streets are mine…This is my Banana Republic… My Planet Of The Apes…and my brood is BOOM CHUD CHUd SWOOSH BOOM!.. When the fire next time burns your thirst…as you raise the gun to your temple to eradicate the pain …remember her name…She Who Wore Pink Pigtails…The skanky ass wannabe hardcore bitch on Fifth Street who dared to question this nigga’s punkability. She who opened the box…she who raised the gate..she who insitigated the final act.. Now I never can go back ..No means no…I have no home and kinda like it like that…I don’t expect you to understand…Mastering my symphony is a waste of time…the only groovie I can ghoulie for you is to press…
REWIND
Odd & Endsville
“Slackland Stormy Knight”
Mexico City, Mexico 1.89
At the Port Authority Bus Terminal I purchased the latest Surfer magazine..’The Special World Travel Issue”…. And great googlimoogli…There’s a paprgraph about Puerto Escondidog
SURFER
Puerto Escondido was a turning point on the trip. The tran-
Quility and peace I had been experiencing so far were to
disappear. For one thing I got sick and feverish for a number
Of days. Also My 7’2” which a friend brought down from
California, snapped in half on my second goout. The lineup
Got pretty crowded for an entire week. And soon I found out
That the local food and accomodations were even more expensive
Than other Mexican towns.
Great just great..Is it because I’m a totally optimistic person or just a dumbass cuz when I’m constructing these Grand Plans of mine the noggin never allows for things to go wrong.. Got off the Greyhound in Brownsville texas and gee there was no bus crossing over the border goin on into Mexico City…ask the taxi driver and he’s more than happy to take me over there…for sixteen dollars..yeah right Dood.. you’ve been pouring way too much hot sauce on your tacos… Another guy kindly showed me the way.
KIND STRANGER
See that bridge its only ten cents to cross over by foot
And when I got to The Other Side…A total maelstorm of Human activity forgein language...waay deep...Managed to snag an autobus..trekking to Ciudad De Mexico and lordy lordy wouldn’t cha know it 30 miles outta the station it breaks down…and we finally board a new bus six hours later…And when I say new I mean different.. cuz that heap hadn’t seen new since the turn of the century…
FRANKENMIND
Hey Nemo they didn’t have buses then.
I’m not in the mood Frankenmind…I’m not in the mood
FRANKENMIND
Ya know I’ve got better things to do. I’m
Outta here.
You do that pal…and while you’re at it hit the psychic showers ccuase you stink some-thing fierce…Anyway our autobus I sstopped umpteen times along the way by the rifle wielding federales… Checking for contraband that would surely be split between the lot of them… Yup all the luggae comes off and these fuckups have a swell time hassling yours trulu..Stupidly I get off the wagon train hopin one of these lil daaalings would nudge my dufflebag and sneer something in third rate english so I can reactivate..Makes you wonder how long I’ll last here…
BUTCHER
How would you like your Nemo? Whole or in parts?
The thrilla manilla was when we ventured thru the mountains…Deciding to throw caution to the wind I sat up front with the bleary eyed driver..DUMB…The guy went hardcore bonkers on me and started going faster…and faster..and faster..and faster.. I wus like Dood look at me closely..I ain’t no senorita..y adon’t need to impress me with your driving skills..or lack of…so slow the fuck down… after a few near misses and more than a dozen “Oh my Gods” from my end.. He killed the speed, threw back his head and cackled…and then…faster….and faster…and faster.. Aye Carumba…Mentioned in a postcard to Sherill and Diane I’ve already learned two things… Mexicans don’t extert themselves more than what’s necessary and they don’t believe in luggage.. why waste those pesos on Samsonite when you can cram all your shit into Hefty bags.. I got smart and found an empty seat in the rear and the rest of the lunatic ride was made more liveable by Gabrielle ..whose wa like this hispanic version of a Fairfield County skate rat…I fI had the patience or desire to deal with this place I’d stay and concentrate an orchestral maunever on the dark to remove his older is’s underoos…He charmed an issue of Sufer outta me after I swore in Portugal I wouldn’t agin let some kid’s beautiful teen James Dean deprive me of big blue visual stimulation…I’m a pirate..It’s a treasure map… But Gabrielled probably saved my life…Ya know me..talk talk talk gab gab gab.. well this guy on the bus starts asking me all these questions and I fill himin on..ohmy entire life..and then he asks if I wanna get off with him beofre Mexico City and hang at his place with his wife….and I’m like sure why not..the bus stops in the middle of nowhere and I’m planning on following this cat and Gabrille and his sister grab my arm
THOSE DARN KIDZ
No no you stay with us. You go to Mexico City.
They must of known something I didn’t so I sat back down…I had planned on arriving in the aylight and not being disoriented. Well the bus delay screwed that itinerary pooch and as the dusk became dark I was served the rude awakening…MEXICO CITY WAS AN INHUMAN SPRAWL OF PLANET EARTH CONCRETE & STEEL EIGHTEEN BAZILLIN TIMES BIGGER THAN NEW YORK AND I HAD NO IDEA WHERE TO SPEND THE NIGHT AND AND AND AND…
DUFFLE BAG
Get comfortable its gonna be a long night
LIGHTS OUT.
Euro-a go go
Nothing But Lipstick
MotoDegenerate
“New Mutant Muthaphucka”
Tempe Arizona 9.94
Damn I lost my sleeping bag…It fell off The Beast…Devil knows where. Well I was sick of that shit anyway…Here’s my theory…If you lug your sack around you end up using it
..ie stargazing central..and if you don’t. it compels your ass to bit the bullet, seek and destroy somebody’s pad…Not tonight though…the dollar in my pocket hollers Motel 6
Tacobell Brewhaha…And I don’t have to keep one eye open to safeguard The Beast.. Gonna take a shower..I can calm my system after those last six hours of riding…A coupla
Hells’s Angels were messing with my head…Peelin in close with their Harleys and then pullin back…Kept thinkin they’d run me off the highway, slit my throat…Wish I had some colors or betta yet ..push a button on the console and have The Beast spit brimstone and fire outta the tailpipe…fwwwoooooooooooooosh!….that would make em think twice before they decided to mindfuck with someelse….Shower Shower..the desert heat is making me wanna serve up some Sealy flavor on some fierce fly freak…Pickins are pretty slim in this void except the prostitutes…In Lison Portugal I inadvertenly hired a Pretty Woman for the evening…The owner of the Pension introduced me to the girl and explained she didn’t have money to pay for the room…I was feeling trumpetytrump and did…what the hey it wasn’t my money…snicker snicker…hours later she tells me her body is included in the price…No more fantasy here’s the flesh…I hesitated at first but the Cold Lonesome spurred me on…Playing the Richard Gere I took her to dinner… pasta and the worst bottles of white wine in the world…later on her kisses were gentle and exacting like the breeze off WORD…I lost myself in her…she made me laugh, showing me pictures of her son…a mulatto child…She left early the next morning to sleep in her room..and after a day or two she left…and I couldn’t even remember her name…I always wanted to tell Inga but she’d probably put my dick in a sling… The big concern is am I really getting the The Beast’s oil changed and chain adjusted…Does Joe Camel clock in the cash from the kiddies..you betcha…cuz I’m gonna sit right here and scope the inner scholastic before I break with the bills…Arizona outta the bottle and into the air…Talking tense…Bad vibes soo thick you canslice it with a dull plastic knife.. so far people’s reactions to me and my pet motomonsta have been..whuddaphuck… It’s certainly no la..
DAARK ATARI
You ain’t seen nothing yet son wait til ya get to Texas
Its not that anyone has lost all kinds of complete common sense and called me nigga..
FRANKENMIND
Oh yeah well I’m the nigga that’s gotta urge to overkill ya Billy Bob
It’s the stances, the stares and my imagination ain’t helping one bit…conjuring peckinpah kwikspill images of the white power posse riding the rude after you know who… Paranoia Self Destroyia…It wasn’t like this in the first part of the trip..probably cause I was caught up in the whirl of gonna see the Wiz…Now a different device of self preservation is needed Get Outta Doddge…Paranoia Self Destroyia… have you grown as a person when you suddenly realize what human beastiehood can do to you outta the clear blue…Sure doesn’t feel like it…Wish I could crash Heaven’s Door and formulate my fury into one solid kick in God’s ass…
NEMO
Father, why have you forsaken me?
It’s like he’s got this major battle with The Devil…why does it have to be taken out on us? If Satan challenged him about the ruling the WORD… why didn’t he just merely wipe the entire slate clean…nobody would know the difference… I mean he’s God right…He and I have had a few chats…a few exchanges but nothings ever come of it.. Probably cuz when I prayed I never was in the right position…on my knees… yeah I’ve never had what people call the right attitude…like in highschool..like in gym.. I was the fuckup who was always picked next to last cuz I was no teamplayer... The Loner.. The Defiant One...And I was violent..Extremely violent...Jim Brown Black Panther and Mighty Joe Young all rolled up into one..The Pintsize Powerman pullin no punches the overcarbonated omen obliterating the okeedokes…the smurfberry crunchin power perelta pumpin Devo action vest wearing, Square Pegs watching, Johhny Questin Grape Apin.. motormouthin terrorizing heteen in Toughskins New Muthant muthaphucka…Doodus Extremeus…cuz when I was done with Moby Dick and performing autopsies on earth worms I played hard..Real hard…Like with kickball..it was kickball and kick ball all the way….Do or die..Search and destroy…I’m talkin returning to the lockerrom scalps in hand…and so what if you’re a girl…Matter of fact who gives a fuck if you’re a girl.. if you’re in my way, you’re going down and going down hard…the other doods are like Nemo take it easy…bro relax…I’d turn around real slow and deal em the deathblow… No way G I’m gonna be your nightmare before and after Christmas…cuz I’m not getting laid…I ‘m not gettting my nuts sucked off by some Maybelline hussy with Marley man pumpin in the background…Marleyman confessin he shot the sheriff..but don’t be blamin that deputy shit on me…No, I’m not gnawin on the firm subtle breasts of the head cheer leader…No, I’m spending time making friends with myself…Strummin my meat guitar.. Nine inches of untamed zulu steel…Feel my steel..performing sellout shows.. and I’ve gotta captive audience…And I’ve got chicks…Plenty of chicks…Hundreds of newstand hussies…A multitude of mgazine muchachas…a plentitood of paperback poontang… Ms october, Ms June, Red Sonya, Nell Carter…and ya know what?.. they love me.. I love me.. there’s so much gawdamn love goin around its like 67 all over again…I’m the life of the party…The Big Red cheese.. they don’t wanna leave me.. I don’t wanna leave.. who sez relationships can’t work?…I’m in the bathroom twentyfourseven…Got no time for schoolwork..homework..cruisin around dessert..Different Strokes… Shit, I’ve got a unique stroke of my own…Up and down…Up and down…I jerk off so much my jimmy goes numb…Is it working is it alright..ya know I’m worries..cuz for a dood that’s a serious problem..Major malfunction…I gotta status the system…so what do I do?.. I jerk off some more…It’s a vicious cycle..I begin to go blind..I’ve got Mr Magoo leading me around…I’m so far gone The Three Blind Mice are sending me sympathy cards.. My mom gets concerned..she sends me to the Family Doctor…Orville Redenbacher muthaphucka…He puts me on an all carrot diet…everything is carrots…Boiled Baked Stewed Frenchfried..Carrot cake…Carrot juice…Carrot pie…I’m eatin so many carrots in two weeks I go from being blind too looking thru walls…yup I’ve got xray viison.. I’m zonin on everybody…I got the lowdown on uptown downtown allround town… I know what everybody’s doin where when why and how I’m the Budda in allstars.. The prophet in Poleclimbers…the database in Doc Martens…The allknowin everflowing allseein every bodybein halloween scorpio skatenik…I watch the chicks from the Popularity Posse puke Mallomars, Marshmellow Fluff then go back and gorge some more… I zone the quaterbacks, full bax, halfbax, and left bax getting smacked by their Moms and sent to their rooms to clutch their Teddy Bears and cry along to The Cure…I know every answer to every test about to be given…I write em down…I make copies…a lotta copies..Copies at Kinko’s…Hey world Nemo’s makin copies..bAAM… I’m in business for myself… I set my own hours I make my own rules..and ya know what I break em..
Hellyeah I dooin it my way…In no time I’m in the cashmoneymoney, supercashflow stoppid cash dollar…and I buy alotta books alotta Lit.. Cuz I’m a reading muthaphucka..
Hustler, Cherry Easy Rider, Big Tits Bigger Tits, Milking Mommas. I’m back in the bath room.. I’m back on tour..One man solo..just cuz I’m an African American male in an all white neighborhood…The crazy screwup known for a good laugh…a good time… but that’s as far as its gonna go NIGGA…so of course I’m gonna knock ya over and do it…
HARD…
FASTFORWARD
Vigilante of L.O.V.E.
“Surfing For The Bad Seed”
NYC 9.96
Recently I borrowed some really bitching visuals from Manhattan’s Comics and Such.. First there’s the snarling Kiss Classics courtesy of Marvel Music Line…No band members blood in the ink this time…
DAAK ATARI
Darn
This slickshit was in the bargain bin of all places..
FRANKENMIND
Looky here Dark Atari at a discount.
A fact I still can’t believe considering the Kiss Army is back from the grave this summer rebooting fro Big Biz..
RED MAN
Time for some action
The 2nd selection being “ Dangerous Artifacts” majestically illustarted by Claudio Castellini…
GALACTUS
“ Endless empty blackness flecked with sparkling diamonds and shining
baubles and amid it all one shining brighter than all the rest..my
creation The Silver Surfer”
ya see Galactus dusted Norrin Rand with the Power Cosmic and transformed him into The Surfer…And let me tell ya I’d sell my soul again is some Creature from The Biggety Blacketty Boo would do that for me cuz The Surfer is one beautiful space entity,, This is
the kinda comic that would had me hard in less than a handbeat in high school… ya know the real deal…Not like the black leathered Breakfast Club bullshit at Our Local Temple of Rock Coney Island High…wait acne riddled assholes, hoz & bruiseboys banging heads to the same shalala…
ROCK CROWD
We’re white and you’re not.
DAARK ATARI
It is the real thing.
GUY SMILEY
The preceding announcement was brought to you
By your neighborhood Coca Cola bottler
SPEEDY GONZALES
In Mexico Sssssssssssssssssssiddy
(Late Breaking Update: Jody and I were in the bowels of Coney Island High drinking free
Brew ha! Ha! At The Murphy’s Law so we like it again.Thanks Mike)
Silver Surfer used to be Galacttus’s main man scouting planets for him to munch…Now he’s a free agent…A Rocketship Denis Rodman..Yo imagine if that Bullhead Nigga hung ten…No no I won’t even go there…I’m in enuff trouble as it is…Meanwhile back in deep space an ancient comet has been made…
UNCREDITED UNDERPAID NARRATOR
Its way back from the fringes of The Unknown
And Galactus wants to possess its secret so he hires The Surfer too shoot the curl…Hey Space Cadets time to bust out your Captain Power hologram ring and project that mutha.. Galactus really wants to…
A) Fuck It
B) Wear It
C) Eat It
Hmmmmmmmmm..ticktock ticktock ticktock…ENNNT!…Time’s up…The Answer is...
D) All of the above
REN
You eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeediot
TEACHER TEACHER
What was that Jonny? There’s no D on the test. So you’re a wise
Guy eh? We’ll see about that. Guidance Dept. This is Herman
Hardblow from The English Dept. I think a certain John B Rotten
Needs to be placed in the special education classes. Of course he
Can read but not between the lines if ya know what I mean..uh-huh
Hmmmmmmmmm…uh-huh yes I’ll send him right down.
Which means its time to introduce Darkseid into this lil space operation
DAARK ATARI
Darkseid huh?…Handal’s isn’t that a copyright violation.
Why am I asking questions? Its is a copyright violation I’m
Daark Atari. Sue the stardust out of the lame fuck. And get
Sherill Rhoades on the phone while you’re at it. We need to
Discuss Nemo’s Spiderman: Compleat Infinity..
Darkseid’s the competition and he wants a nice slice of The Comet Bootywiggle for him- self as well..It’s a must do chim chim charoo..Imagine the headlines if he’s successful..
ELECTRO NEWSIE
Read all about it. Darkseid Does It At Lightspeed.
His popularity poll points are gonna rip thru the roof and he’ll be ambushed with enuff hi-octane Venusian nookie too jump start a lil whorehouse in Heaven too boot… soo the alien superfiend dispenses with the niceties, immediately dispathing his own brand of baddie..
STILL UNCREDITED UNDERPAID NARRATOR
The woman who simply calls herself WHITE RAVEN
And then in
hyperdrives the peanut gallery, The Skrulls and the Kree Warriors and
taaadaaaaaaaaaah…It’s a mad mad mad mad mad Mrs Dash for this new source of
shake appeal…WARNING: Do Not Read For The
Next Oh Sixty Six Seconds If You Don’t Wanna Know What Goes Down And of Course
That Means You Shouldn’t Be Reading This Jive At All…Buy Hey Ignorance is
Blistex..
GUY SMILEY
Blistex cools soothes and relieves from
Too much black sunshine…Silver Surfer shoots all the way live straight to the center of this mysterious island and discovers…
UNIONIZED N.RA. MEMBERSHIP CARD WIELDING
DAKOTA LIVING WORLD TRAVELING NARRATOR
A Fabulous race inhabiting the comet…Even abandoned the sprawl
speaks of their grace and beauty
Actually the alien race has been slim exxed to one utopia haunted guru Ghandi E.T…. His mission is to safeguard to a crytsal which harnesses the bwaang maintaing the peace and the serenity…and from the way things look he’s been doing a gangbang!bang! job cuz there ain’t no spooks running wyld devaluingt the skyhigh real estate prices of this cosmic suburbia…Dis ain’t no Das Efx peoples…It’s a whiteman’s Nirvana with Wagner wishfullfilling it in the wings!
LOOPED NAZI TROOPS
Seig Heil! Sieg Heil! Seig Heil!
I can diggit..Jodycat and I have been too a few operas ourselves..but that’s as far as it goes..y aknow cuz I ain’t got time for racial foolishness of any kind including your mine and niggaz with half-a-mind…so this galaxy galloping guru decides he’s gonna give The Surfer the goods…
GALAXY GALLOPING GURU
I knew an outsider would come seeking the source I did
Not expect a soul as noble as yours.
When oh my stars and garters in stalks White Raven her lasers locked and loaded…
WHITE RAVEN
Not a chance.
Blazeeeeeeeeero….skrasssssssh…the crystal is history…only problem is this WORD releases The Biggest Baddest Deemon Dawg Muthaphucka I haven’t seen since vizzing Fantasia & Legend many new moons ago…
DEEMON DAWG
FREE! FREE AT LAST!
Loolylike Mr Hyde is back from his joyless sabbatical inside Dr Jeckyll’s insane..
“VOICES INSIDE ME HEAD”
Lifted we will be lifted. Lifted we will be lifted.
Okay The Sixty Seconds is Over. You Can Remove Your Head From Your Four Point Contact And Resume Sipping That Latte..Cuz now Marvel’s worldview and mine collide…Theirs: White Raven has gotta Pandora complex and opens the box releasing The Big Baddie and Our Hero must save her from herself and most importantly The Ultimate Evil whoo obviously is a stand-in for The Nigga With The Big Bad Dick Mine: Ditto on the first part but what if Raven iced Silver Surfer so she and Elder Demon could rock and roll thru The Universe with no hesitation serving up a wicked slice of the knockknockin boots persasion..Jimney Crickets…getting gritty on the special love sauce
Yesssssssssssssireee…an explosion of sexual mayhem that’s never seen the light of day..
And here’s me tellin ya reals shit never does..
Hermit’s Cave
Gonna find a cave for me and you
Or does it?..Popgothambangbang…Surf’s up
REWIND
Odds & Endsville
“Junior’s Beachside Guide To Heaven’s Gates”
Puerto Escondido, Mexico 89
Puerto Escondido is fulla dreamers, schemers, surfers, beachbums, hippies, merchants drunks the rich the poor the hated the adored and…Junior…Yeah Junior is the nick name given to me by these vactioning teensagres down here.. He’s a Mexican cartoon character..Ha its one of the best presents I’ve ever received
SENOR FRANKENMIND
You no like birthday present in Madrid
Who are you? Why the hell are you in my head?
SENOR FRANKEMIND
I got call to fill in. Your friend he pissed . He say
You no appreciate. He on trip.
I don’t need a babysitter..
SENOR FRANKENMIND
The Big Boss felt you need some assitance you
Know the Bus station scenario in Mexico City
You might get hurt. Even dead
I made it here didn’t I. Tell the Brain Trust to fuck off
SENOR FRANKENMIND
No No Check it out. I’m on the clock right but
I’m not really here. Comprende.
Cool.
SENOR FRANKENMIND
Its mexico my friend its mexico.
And Ha no way the knuckleheads in Norwalk can touch this action…lounging at a bar on superbowl Sunday in a fishingtown off the Pacific..Dave’s father Mr. Dungey forced me to pick a team too root for..I decided on the San Francisco 49ers but I got tanked on tequila and started cheering no matter who scored…Mr Dungey’s the raddest…He’s a psychoanalyst from The University of Toronto..a real live Cliff Huxtable..had me in stitches constantly…Far from the snob he appears to be..He asked me if I wanted to accompnay them to Oxoaca…Maybe if I can spare the cash…well the real reason I don’t wanna go is I’d have to room with Mishishan..the dood’s cool and all that yet he preachs this hate deal..Mishishan claims Jim Hendrix’s death was a political assasination and the Nineties will see the return of massive rioting…Its true African Americans are oppressed but he goes too far and since most of my friends are white the gospel he preaches is offensive even to me..Besides he ridcules me on how I am..
MISHISHAN
Yo Biff wanna go surfing.
And claims I talk down to people with
MISHISHAN
That snotty Connecticut accent.
And the fact I haven’t made love with a black woman.
MISHISHAN
Cuz you gotta be dissin me.
Funny thing is he claims to like me…oh my gawd the surfers here have total attitude.. I encountered a few laid back ones..Its mostly the Brazillian fuckers…the positive thing is they won’t be able to laugh at my inexperience in the water cuz its impossible to buy a board..The surf shop guy wants $75 for a beat to shit board…Kinda ironic a few steps from the Pacific yet prevented from surfing it..we’ll call it the luck of Junior..
Euro—go-go
Nothing But lipstick
MotoDegenerate
“Echo
The Nothing”
Elpaso
Texas
The engine and the carb cleaners…only a few weeks and I’m abot to give Gomer Pyle a run for his money…grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrease monkey…I’m almost afriad to see myself at the end of this madness that is if I make it that far…El Paso is heavily populated by Hispanic Americans..lawyers..doctors..soulful senoritas..can really enjoy em..tired…empty.. stagger thru Walmart mumbling who knows what…People sure move fast when you look like a complete wreck., your whole aura shouting “PAIN!”
GUY SMILEY
Attention Walmart shoppers major suffering I aisle 13
Bought a bottle of Marvel’s Mystery Oil..what no gravy..cleans fuel lines injectors lubricates piston rings cleans topy clylinder walls…improves gase mileage..should of splurged and gotten a six pack for Me and The Beast to share…My soul needs cleansing its corroded dark cracklin crippetycreep dirty solar speak..on my won on my own solo so low..an unceasing chitterchatter keeps spooling loopdeeloopdeeploop…quiet..hush hush I believe in The Unbelievor…I believein the features Of The Faceless One..
THE WAITRESSES
I know what boys like boys like boys like me.
Boys like me somwhere in the world…where are the riders of The Storm..so I always have to take the lead..boys like..boys like boys like me…somwhere in this pile of shit.. can’t hurt me no more..there is no me to hurt anymore..no more..I wanna be no more..
Shit with this buggey flowgo I suppose buying Maximum Strength no doz at the beginning of this slum dawsprawl would have made a helluvalot more sense…500 miles to San Antonio..then 500 or so more to New Orleans…Fuck me man I gotta go clear across Texas and I can barely move…I haven’t had a hardon for days..Billboards read Don’t Mess With Texas…and I sense my presecnce is doing exactly that…Can’t believe I managed to unload all the dinero Uncle Phil gave me…and if I phone home Grandma’s gonna know I’m in the vicinity…and she’ll have a severe case of Negrophobia.. start wrapping her haircurlers too tight…dreading every sound fearing I’ve returned to hog the remote control…well I haven’t seen them for two years and I don’t intend on doing that any time soon…a florida function ain’t my spill to speed…I wish I may I wish I might 1800 Collect tonight…have her hotwire the notes and getta hotel room and sleep this shit off…stuff stuff..Marnie stuff…We were so damn hip cause we could slum America.. visit but not have to return…look at me now…Miserable..broke..wanting to die half the time but scared to cross the line..Marnie’s since returned to the Castle…SouthPort..Nantucket you can take the girl outta Miss Porter’s but never take the Miss Porter’s outta the girl
Vaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssser changed the locks…please let me make it thru the day
Echo The Nothing
Lips Like Sugar
Sugar That Bleeds
Titantic Tomorrow Tomorrow
Tomorrow is a lifetime away
“Away with you” she sed
Said the pleasing pleasure
Couldnot wouldnot keep her captive
“I want more life phucka”
Daddy’s demands over cellular skylines
Succeeded where I failed
Fathersonboynotfriend
He’s not your friend
Champion Of Nynex
New York Telephone
Won the war wears the one
See my battlescars scream
In sin Insane
Out of Sync Out Of Season
Losing The land Of The lost
Losing The Reason
Hasten The haste
Don’t stop to understand
Hurry The Hurry
Phone home if you can
Echo The Nothing lil man
A lady in lipstick
A siren in symphoney
A goddess in four wheel drive
Hit the highroad
And left me behind
Behind in the shadows
Shadow whisper shadows roar
Take the door of midnight’s thunder
So I took the touch of fantastic
Spurred onby the speed of demons
And surprise surprise..lo and behold
Lady don’t want me no more
Missing Angel Juan and ruby shoes
Are the only things that keep the promise
Of Concrete conquest and endless river run
Topdown and get away gear
Have been swallowed by Politics Of Cruelty
By rawdawg furies
And these kinda trix…ain’t for kidz
I HAVE NOTHING
I HAVE NOTHING
I HAVE NOTHING
FASTFORWARD
Vigilantes of L.O.V.E.
“Robozen”
NYC 8.96
Editor’s Note: Neil Vandervloed is the Cassady to Nemo’s Kerouac..meaning he’s the coolest white guy the author knows…the following is an interview that was supposed to be in his metazine Goo Goo Muck but too too much red red wine eightysixed that action…And yesterday we heard the rumor Neil’s hipshit in the middle of T.A.Z. inspired poetic terrorism..cruising in his Ford crooze ship tagging all the Federal Buildings with his ganga graphics.. so its time to away we go..Hey I’m uptight but not stupid
NEMO
Yes it’s the stardog champion. Neil’s new Oxford Depot Ny studio
Slash barn slash morgue. There’s this vile head of an animal on the
Wood stove. Does this thing still work?
NEIL
Yup its how I keep myself warm in the winter. Cause its subzero up
Here everytime I try to paint.
NEMO
Its not subzero now pal
NEIL
Yeah its about 95 degrees
NEMO
Its august almost the end of the summer and I’m looking at…
NEIL
My new painting series entitled…uhmn uh..I forget the title..
Then this one is titled..uh..no it’s not.
NEMO
I’ve gotta title..Neil spends too much time alone. Let’s get down
To biz and ask that all encompassing question in my best Ted
Koppel voice. What are you trying to accomplish with your art?
Where are you trying to go?
NEIL
I’m not trying to go anywhere. I’m just a painter.
NEMO
If you’re just a painter. Why don’tcha paint a house matter
Of fact this place could use a few coats.
NEIL
I’ve painted houses for years. This is much more fun.
NEMO
When did you start?
NEIL
New Year’s Eve 1990 when I married Lisa Jack. She was
Painting too.
NEMO
Aaaah so Lisa inspired ya.
NEIL
Yes she did. She’s the greatest painter I’ve ever met in the
World and she’s my wife.
NEMO
Maybe that’s why you have guns in your artwork. Neil are
You unhappy in your marriage…uh just kidding we won’t
Go there.
NEIL
I’m unhappy with life in general cause I hate living in the
Woods.
NEMO
Why’dcha move back here then?
NEIL
I had to get away from Seattle. I was so bored.
NEMO
(mockingly surprised)
Oh so you used to live in Seattle geewhizwuddayaknow.
Both of us laugh..unintelligble cameo shout by Neil’s son..JAKE..whose playing with JODYCAT..
NEIL
What? I’m busy go play.
NEMO
Speaking Of Seattle how did your last show go?
NEIL
It was at Linda Cannon’s. The show’s title was “tiny bits
Of Meaningless”..I painted a hundred one foot paintings
At a hundred dollars apiece.
NEMO
Nice title. You should have slapped that on a t-shirt with a
Print of one of your paintings. Big Money Money See you
Need someone like me around
NEIL
One of my favorite paintings from the show was “Future
Communist Manifesto In Pictograms” the other one was
“Things I Hate”
NEMO
I’d like to see that one.
NEIL
It sold.
NEMO
HA! No doubt.
NEIL
I sold thirty of them and I haven’t received a dime.
NEMO
Sue the bitch!. Where the loot Linda Lou?
NEIL
She got married to a lawyer.
NEMO
That’s why she’s not paying you the money He said
“Fuck Vandervloed”
NEIL
She owes another woman who showed at the gallery
$14,000.
NEMO
How can she breeze around town owing people money
Its gonna catch up to her eventually. I personally
Gurantee it.
NEIL
You don’t have to pay artists anything. Artists are the
Stupidest losers in the world.
NEMO
So you finally admit you’re stupid.
NEIL
Yes but I’m not an artist. I’m a painter.
NEMO
See He’s not stupid after all..As ultra violent
As “Things To Hate With sounds. There’s gotta be
Someone you like how about Basquiat.
NEIL
Everybody likes him.
NEMO
(shouting)
Now that he’s dead. Now that there’s a movie
People suck.
NEIL
Basquiat’s got such beautiful colors and He’s big
People love big paintings.
NEMO
(superfem voice)
He’s so big. Are you gonna be bigger?
NEIL
The next ones are gonna be 4x4 I always create
Within a square.
NEMO
Is there some mathematical logistical metaphysical
Kooky cosmic digital why you’re advancing to the 4x4?
NEIL
(grinning smugly)
That’s the standard size of the board I buy at Home Depot
They come in 4x8 and I cut em in half. $3.99 for two
Paintings.
NEMO
Wow discount art supplies the vandervloed way. There’s
A certain theme prevalent thru your work ya wanna
Expound on that.
NEIL
It’s all sciencefiction. I love scifi stories, scifi novels
Scifi movies.
NEMO
(tongue firmly in buttcheek)
So let’s get this straight. You like sciencefiction.
NEIL
Scifi is the only genre in the world where you have
Absolute freedom. You can incorporate anything and
No one will look twice and go “uh you can’t do that”
If you write a regular novel you can’t have a spaceship
Crash on your roof or people materialize in your room.
Anything can happen
Author’s Note:As I reach for my Tully’s Go cup of Peach Tea, the St. Regis Hotel Mangement has informed the hotel guests a rocketship from the dark side of the moon is on a collision course with the City Of Seattle..I’m contemplating on moving but that’s not gonna look too good in the movies..Besides the Jack Skellington doll I “borrowed” from Liz Tongue sez Beetlejuice told him the aliens are really on their way to kidnap Mayor
Schell for not taking me to Seattle Opera’s production of “Faust” for my birthday like I requested..hA! and August Wilson thought I was bullshitting about being in touch with a Higher Authority..bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang.
NEMO
Doesn’t painting present you with the feeling of total
Freedom. Just letting the inner willies weave their way
On the canvas…putdoh! Putdoh! Putdoh!
NEIL
(bad buddah pose)
Well grasshopper..let me explain…it’s a very weird.
It’s very strange. It’s not like a book where someone
Can spend CENSORED! And be entertained its very
Expensive and something you really don’t need. So if
You paint science fiction paintings no one really wants
Them. My pieces don’t look right in anybody’s living
Rooms.
NEMO
Why?
NEIL
Cause I’ve never seen one in anybody’s living room
NEMO
Give in to me I’ll put in my living room
NEIL
Slash
NEMO
Bedroom
NEIL
Slash
NEMO
(jason impersonation)
kitchen slash slash slash..yes Jody and I are living in a
hole..an expensive hole but we won’t talk about me and
my problems we’re heard to talk about Neil’s.uhm
NEIL
Watch it.
NEMO
Insert
rest of interview
NEMO
Ha I love it.
Outside.
JODY
I’ve got you now.
And Jake screams with joy. Yeah man summertime
REWIND
Odds & Endsville
“Que Pasa”
Puerto Escondido, CA 1.89
Didn’t you know I have a timeshare deal goin on and I suppose that’s why the place is so cheap. My roomies are constantly there. Did battle with them last night Fleas 10 Nemo Zip But the was has just begun and the shit’s gonna get fierce. None of em are gonna bite me when I strut back home One of the beachside schemers is the long haired Norte Americano Arturo. Standing outside Macumba’s he approached me with this Brazillian dood
ARTURO
Now this fellow I can take his Coke away from.
Reaches over and grabs it. I let go. He took a sip and hands it back.
ARTURO
See.
I looked him straight in the eye with my certified wild man look.
NEMO
(chanting)
Boogedy Boogedy Ha Ha
ARTURO
Whatdaafuck was that?
NEMO
I’d hate to be in your shoes man I’ve done cursed
Odds
& Endsville
“Beauty
& The Bleach ”
Seattle,
WA 11.98
No this itty bitty ditty was never part of the original monsta mix..Matter of fact I wasn’t even gonna mention it…I gotta finish and face the music televison some time right?,,, but in between being accused of stalking Mary Lou Lord by the Crocodile Café doormen… psycho sweettalking Rob Mc Dermott at AGM into will calling Lisa Damned and me for The Rob Zombie show..strongly encouraging the Norstrom fashionista to have their window display reflect Emerald City’s increasingly multicultural….
HOLE
When I wakeup in my makeup
Being attacked by my former Stranger compadres for blacklunging unflattering truths about Dan Savage…
THE STRANGER
“Friday, October 30th. An impromptu slam poetry was given
by an anonymous ranting street person today at Bailey/Coy
books on Broadway. Stomping around the store in a pair of
sexy leather pants, the unknown ranter loudly declared him-
self to be a “Poet-the Jack Kerouac of the 90’s” before de-
nouncing all Stranger writers (“ASSHOLES’) and the wonder
ful bookstore itself (“Bailey/Coy can suck my ass”) Citizens
hoping to catch a repeat performance should keep their eyes
peeled for the unnamed poet on popular street corners and in
the better halfway houses around the Puget Sound. Meanwhile
poetry fans who mention the anonymous ranting freak will get
10 percent off the poetry book of their choice at Bailey/Coy.
FRANKENMIND
Gee Tim if you put that big of a spin on lil ole Nemo, I
hate to think about the accuracy of your other “news stories”.
SFX: HURRRRRRRRRRRl
…
I’ve….been….. reading….. Stephen Fried’s “Thing Of Beauty: The Tragedy Of SuperModel Gia” and felt the urge to purge my own blistering expose of the beauty industrial complex….No this isn’t more of Dick Nystrom’s dirty deeds done not so dirt cheap…Nope this about the towering ice cream toy, Mishna Wolfe.
MADONNA
You’re a superstar
That’s what you are.
One of the reasons I count zero interupted Seattle in ’92 is the move was suggested by Rob Schwartz…A Vassar veggie house resident from Beverly Hills…
ROB
Man it looks like your city. Ya oughta break before
its too late
And I hadn’t even heard of Nirvana until one of Marnie’s elite freaks played me the tape during a break from Poughkeepsie Powerslumming…..
NEMO
(unusually impressed)
Who the fuck is that?
The sonic youth didn’t sound like anything I had expereinced before..this cat was wailing like his overheated punk soul had been plunged into a warped tour of corporate freon and it still had a hook…
FRANKENMIND
Howls like a D.O.A. pop pop pop music
Had to get the weird nigga stamp of approval…had to call Trip in Memphis…
TRIP
(excited)
Oh yeah I saw them play. Their wicked. The leadsinger’s
is Kurt Cobain. I asked him to sign my pants after the
show and he said “naaaaaaah man you might have to
wear some place nice. He’s so cool”
Trip also told me about talking with the drummer from a band named Hole in the Piggley Wiggley parking lot…Of course none of us outside the industry inner circle knew about that soon to be monumental connection…yeah whenever something was about to break big..whether it be a band. Movie or look, Trip has always been there…though not this time I’m afraid..not this time..but trust me, he knows about this book.. You don’t share a room with the same person for fifteen years and not know what they’re gonna do with their Life cereal…..
LIFE KID
Give it to Mickey, he’ll try anything.
So after falling on ready labor daze… a Grey hound Bus ticket and two thousand bucks from Dad found me in Grungetown…and finally the sinister Cinemascope synchronized with the Dolby Stereo, Reality had almost erased from my head….there were just so many gawddamn alternateens behind the wheel of The Ultimate Experience strutting around unclean and carefree…Taking the Metro to The University District I arrived at the apartment Rob was crashing…
ROB
Hey one of my friends is gonna pick us up
The friend was Ivory…a redheaded That Thang….and the place was Café Paradiso, kitty cornered from The Comet Tavern…She sashayed us upstairs where we smoked and had cappacinos…The girl was glamourama 24/7 ..and from that first Hi HI Make Your Move I had Ivory’s brick house on my Sunset Boulevard of Stately Wayne Manna Design… all the time…and oh there was Melody Rockwell the above and beyond who sex stampeded me on the youth hostel roof in Paris 89…now working at The Gravity Bar on Braodway
…and Sara Bell, the Cornish dance major and bitchin graphic artist..and Heather and Lenny and…uh-uhmn Marnie when she made that trip here in October…
MARNIE
(driving rental car)
Is that what you’re wearing these days?
NEMO
(proudly wearing plaid)
Yeah. How do you like it?
MARNIE
The hat. I like the hat.
I recived kisses, hugs, fine cuisine, and the lean mean Portable Lower Eastside for my birthday…but getting a slice of Ivory’s radio friendly Rocket Pizza proved next to impossible…despite my attempts to seduce her with red wine and a roaring fireplace..uh- huh..my room had a fucking fireplace…Can you believe it?
STUNNED READER
Nemo, anything’s possible at this point.
Nautipussy unnavigatible…I focused on concocting my crazysexycool for The Stranger … until one day at Bulldog News…Ivory visited my loser limosine and brought along a friend…Twiggythin and wearing no makeup but radiating a L.O.V.E. bizarre… Ivory never bothered to introduce us and when I asked who the girl was she said….
IVORY
Mishna? You don’t wanna know Mishna. She’s got
Problems.
SFX: EENNNNT
GUY SMILEY
Try again contestant.
I mean come on who doesn’t wanna know someone you’re supposed to not wanna know? I bumped into Mishna months later and I guess it was the unusual break in the February rain which allowed Mother Nature to vogue Our Let There Be Groove.. We slowpoked to the theatre…ate Thai food in the International District…knightmared thru a trillion book-stores…
FRANKENMIND
But of course
And the kicker was she paid for cabs whereever we went…
NEMO
(climbing in)
Who is this girl?
Cause back then nobody greytopped to Tomorrow Tomorrow ..not unless you were the latest pearl in the jam, some subpop cop was trying to lasso into their not so ok. Corral.. Further investigation revealed the nature of Mishna’s game…we dropped by the Team Model’s office near the Bon Marche…where she picked up a few new shots for her growing portfolio...
MISHNA
They tell me I have “IT”
Mishna’s mood that day was happy happy joy joy oh boy…but the more we babyloned our video Von Stroheim the more I discovered she wasn’t…
THE POLICE
It’s a big enough umbrella
But it’s always me
That ends up getting wet
IVORY
Nemo? You don’t wanna know Nemo. He’s got problems
She had to make decisions most 17 year olds don’t…whether to sign with Elite or Bethanne …and by this point her experimentation with every drug known to man had ruined her straight A status…Since I was struggling with my own digital demons I didn’t have much advice except encorageing her to be number one…For the next week and a half we spent nearly each waking moment together…making it a point to spin our extended dance mix far from Ivory’s prying eyes..since Mishna said Ivory said…
IVORY
Nemo you don’t wanna know nemo He’s got
Problems.
I told her about “The Novel”..
NEMO
Its gonna be huge.
MISHNA
What’s it about?
NEMO
(stalling for time)
uh….uh…stuff
And how I was off to New York…
MISHNA
I’m gonna be there soon too. We should hook up.
Maybe even live together.
NEMO
Hellyeah
To cement this Right On Time I gave Mishna my prized N.Y.C. Skates Letterman jacket and I had yet to vizz any girl sunbeam surreal with so much pride and sense of purpose while wearing my haute courte….except Jody….of course…
MADONNA
Learn to say goodbye
I yearn to say goodbye
DAARK ATARI
You’re not crying again, are ya mate?
FRANKENMIND
Leave The Kid alone.
Mishna introduced me to her parents…I don’t remember their names since we’re not speaking…They haven’t been real receptive to my various phonecalls from the Chelsea or Joshua Tree or Harborview..but they were pretty tolerant…how tolerant?.. Mishna let me stay over one night and we made love..and if Kurt and I were born the same year and she was technically a senior in high school…
FRANKENMIND
Pretty goddamn hip, I’d say.
Eventually the day came for this lost boy to motor on his own and she rode with Alexa and me to the bus station….After saying our goodbyes, I boarded…and watched The Woman of my dreams..No I’m not gonna sing it…I’ll leave that to J.R…walk walk walk away….And this Nirvana From the Muddy Banks Of The Wishkah 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea had the longest ride of his life back to the east coast…except for last year of course…In Manhattan as soon as I had time to psycho 69 and find a place to crash… I phoned Mishna on Valentine’s Day…Bad News…Ivory had called the very same day I left..and Mishna’s kid sister, Anora had unknowingly spilled the beans..
ANORA
Mishna’s not here. She’s with Nemo.
Well this upset Ivory to no end…how dare the girl think for herself…how dare she live her own life…and she was pressuring Mishna to put a stop to all this nonsense…
MISHNA
And I’m probably signing with Elite which means I have
To go to Milan anyway.
And she was so far far away..and growing more distant with each minute….Despite my “blessing” of remembering every tiny detail of my earthly existence…
BATMAN 66
Some days you can’t get rid of a bomb.
I don’t recall the rest of our converstation….Just simply fumbling the phone back on the receiver and shedding a few tears as I second coming modest mouse cadillac angel crazymaker gas hufffer sister spit to The Whitney Museum...It was the final day of the Madonna sponsored Jean-Michel Basquiat exhibit…and I snaked in with my then fake working press pass…graciously macintoshed by Jonathan Hart Eddy..the gentle giant who singlehandedly pieced The Stranger together…and I stood completely broke… homeless…and heartbroken before huge canvases of this dead man’s cruel whirl carton Bearlin beatnik graffitti surrounded in a scared hiss of
THE CURE
Miles and miles and miles away from home again
And for once in my life I had…nothing to say.
Odds
& Endsville
“Kurt
Cobain Will Have His Revenge On Rob Zombie”
Seattle, WA
3.99