Preparing for this interview, I was admittedly a little worried that the 'bat-eater' would have me for lunch. Not publicly being known for his quiet, unrestrained nature, this former front man for Sabbath is renowned for metaphorically grabbing the nuts of many of us media types, male or female! So it was with a hint of trepidation that I sat down with the original wild man of rock and had what turned out to be one of the funniest, most revealing interviews of my entire life. (Not to mention the fact that both my nuts remained completely unmolested!) Although, preparing my first question, his opening salvo admittedly caught me unaware:

(OZZY) Are you Nuts?

(MUEN) ER, SURE, YEAH... WHY?

(OZZY) Because I've just been speaking to a nutter on the phone and I don't know what the @#! her problem was. #@!! bint.

(MUEN) WAS SHE AMERICAN?

(OZZY) I think she was from Venus or somewhere!

(MUEN) WELL, YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT NOW.

(OZZY) I know, I know... It's called rock and roll.

(MUEN) HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR MUSIC THESE DAYS?

(OZZY) I don't know but what the @#!! does alternative mean!? What is alternative music? In my day, it used to be called "Underground". "Alternative" my @#!! head! You know, as the years go by, there's gotta be somebody somewhere that runs out of a @#!! name. It was called Hard Rock, Loud Rock, Heavy Metal, Industrial Metal and now it's "Alternative". To be honest with you, some of these bands, and I find myself sounding like my old man when I get started- I don't know what the @#!! they're singing about. They just sound like they've got their balls in a vice! There's no melody.

(MUEN) DO YOU KEEP AN EYE ON THE CHARTS?

(OZZY) I don't even know what the @#!! going on out there! I'll even ask my wife (Sharon), who I'm on the road with, and she'll say "so-and-so" and I'll say "Well, who the @#!! are they?" And she'll say that they've sold twenty-million albums and I'll be like, "Well, they didn't sell twenty-million and one, 'cause I haven't bought one!"

(MUEN) WHAT IS THE PRIVATE OZZY LIKE?

(OZZY) I live in Buckinghamshire (England) and I've got my dogs, my kids and my little bit of forest and I just live a totally separate life than what I do for a living. I've never been one of these guys that ever hang around the in-club and have my photograph with the in-person. I couldn't give a rats ass who you are. I don't drink booze anymore, so I don't go down to the pub. I'm very much a homebody, you know. It's not because of my age though.

(MUEN) DESCRIBE OZZY BACK TWENTY YEARS AGO AND THEN DESCRIBE HIM NOW.

(OZZY) Totally out of control...

(MUEN) AND NOW?

(OZZY) Still totally out of control! I had a rude awakening eight years ago, when I realized my head was stuck down a vodka bottle and knew I had to get out of it. Right now I'm working on trying to quit smoking, which if you can quit smoking, you can fly to the moon! In the end of the day, it's life that kills you. If you enjoy getting drunk, shooting heroin, doing whatever the @#!! you do, and you can honestly say you're not altering your lifestyle and you're not @#!!ing with other people, then do it! I just couldn't live in my head, the way I was. I got to the point in my life where I was terrified of dying and @#!!ing petrified of living.

(MUEN) DIDN'T THE MUSIC BUSINESS HELP YOU IN ANY WAY?

(OZZY) The entertainment profession is one of the only industries where the more @#!!ed up you turn up, the more they like you! All the greats die, and it's sad, but if you, as a reporter, were talking to me drunk, I'd say call me when you're sober, but if I was drunk, you'd write that I tried to do the interview with Ozzy Osbourne, but couldn't make head nor @#!!ing tail of what he was saying! And some kid somewhere would go, "Wow, hey, that's so cool." It's sex, drugs and rock 'n roll and I did the @#!!ing lot man. I got sick and tired of feeling bad. I ain't saying to anyone out there, "look don't do this, that there's a better way", but some days I wish I could say, @#!! you all, get me some cocaine, get me some heroin, get me some whiskey, I'm off!

(MUEN) WHAT ASPECT ABOUT YOUR LIFE STARTED TO WEAR ON YOU FIRST?

(OZZY) That I had to wake up the next morning and feel like shit! I never woke up, I came around covered in my own urine, puke, in all kinds of dodgy places that I didn't even know where I was or how the @#!! I got there! Even now, people come up to me and say, "How ya doing Oz?" and I'll be like "Do I know you?" and they'll say, "You spent four @#!!ing weeks at my house!" I'm not in Alcoholics Anonymous and I don't preach the flag... for me, I just don't drink anymore. It's only when you come out of the bubble that you realize what an asshole you were.

(MUEN) HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU SUCK?

(OZZY) Well, let me tell you that recently I did one of my worst @#!!ing shows... ever! I'd got bronchitis and I couldn't sing for shit and I got angry. I suffer from terminal professionalism. If somebody walked up to me... and I've had people do it... everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but it's not a nice thing to say to anyone. All I do is what I do and when I go in to make a record, I don't go "oh yeah, I've been doing this for twenty-five years now and it's about time I made the biggest pile of shit that I've ever made!" None of us do that. But, if someone did come up to me, I'd just say, "here's the mic, you get up and have a @#!!ing go!

(MUEN) IT'S BEEN RUMORED THAT YOU ARE AN AIDS ACTIVIST.

(OZZY) I'm not an AIDS Activist, but I'm very concerned about things today. When I was a kid and asked my Dad where I came from, he said "a @#!!ing stork brought you!" So, I don't lie to my kids and I tell them the truth and that sex is as natural as breathing or sleeping. As a parent, if I didn't tell my kids to beware of things and then they come home with... well, you know, I'd never be able to forgive myself. I'm very aware and conscious of AIDS and I know so many guys that still @#!! around. I wouldn't want to be twenty-one in this day and age if you paid me in diamonds!

(MUEN) WHAT IS THE MOST ASKED QUESTION THAT REALLY WINDS YOU UP?

(OZZY) "So Ozzy, what do bats taste like?! It's like @#!! off! Or, it's, "did you write 'Suicide Solution' so that kids would kill themselves? Bollocks!

(MUEN) COMING TO AN END HERE... WHAT MUSIC WOULD WE FIND IN YOUR CAR BACK IN ENGLAND?

(OZZY) To be honest with you, I don't play music in the car. I don't drive! Well, I do, but I don't have a license! I never passed a test!

(MUEN) DID YOU EVER TAKE ONE!?

(OZZY) Oh Yeah... three or four, but I was so @#!!ing stoned that I fell asleep in them!

(MUEN) HOW OLD WERE YOU FOR THE LAST TEST?

(OZZY) Thirty.

(MUEN) AND HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?

(OZZY) Fourty-eight.

(MUEN) IN CLOSING, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOURSELF?

(OZZY) I'm Ozzy. You either like me or you don't.

www.ozzy.com

Interview by Russell A. Trunk

Other Ozzy Related Links Ozzy Lyrics at rare-lyrics.com