(In the kitchen)
Riley: (pulls her oatmeal out of her bowl) Just the ribs?
Chloe: (runs in the room) Good morning.
Manuelo: Breakfast?
Chloe: (Looks at the oatmeal) I'll skip. (walks over to the counter) Manuelo, that is not an apple you're putting in my lunch?
Manuelo: Let me check. (takes a bite) Oh yeah, that's a Macintosh.
Chloe: I can't take an apple to lunch. Nobody looks good eating an apple. It gets stuck in your teeth. You have to eat it like a horse, and juice runs down your chin.
Riley: Chloe has this new theory that at school around boys, you can only eat "cute" food.
Manuelo: "Cute" food. What's "Cute" food?
Chloe: Food you look cute eating. Like Grapes, seedless of course. (looks in her bag) Carrots, wrong. Celery . . . (pulling from the bag)
Riley: Are you trying to destroy her?
Chloe: I want food that can be seen, but not heard.
Manuelo: Then I guess refried beans are out of the question.
Chloe: Manuelo, think "cute".
Manuelo: You want cute food. I'll show you cute food. (grabs an orange and paints a smiley face on it) Cute food. Enjoy.
(Chloe and Riley smirk while Riley grabs the orange as they leave)
Manuelo: And you can call him "Wilson".
Opening Credits: Marykate, Ashley, Eric, Clare, Jesse, Natashia, & Taylor
(Chloe walks in her bedroom)
Riley: Chloe, what's with all these clothes? You're only going to Dad's for the weekend.
Chloe: Riley, Riley, Riley. It's hard to believe you're only eight minutes younger than me. For your information, all these clothes have nothing to do with Dad's. You know the guy who lives right next door to Dad's?
Riley: The guy who keeps getting hit by lightening?
Chloe: No, the other side.
Riley: Travis Morgan? Give it up, Chloe. You've been trying to get his attention for weeks. Travis is not interested.
Chloe: This is coming from a girl who thinks she still has a chance with Brad Pitt.
Riley: It could happen.
Chloe: Riley, he's married now.
Riley: La la la . . .
Chloe: To Jennifer Aniston, and they're very happy.
Riley: La la la, can't hear you. (pause) Besides, things happen. Things change. People break up. Look at mom and dad. Besides, what does Jennifer Aniston got that I havn't got?
Chloe: (smirks at Riley)
Riley: (looks down & back up) Or couldn't get eventually.
Chloe: See Riley, you're going after fantasy boys. Boys that seem perfect because they're not real. Real boys have rough edges. They're clay you mold.
(Larry starts jumping at the window)
But first, you have to get the clays attention. Riley? (points to the window)
Riley: I know.
Chloe: Ignore him. Maybe he'll go away.
Riley: (groaning) It's Larry. He never goes away. (walks over to the window)
Larry: (while jumping) Riley . . . will . . . you . . . go . . . out . . . with . . . me?
Riley: No.
Larry: Give me one reason why not?
Riley: You're hanging from my window.
Larry: But I can't help myself, you know. You're all I need to be happy. Just you. (pause) And my playstation 2. But that's it! Just you and my playstation 2. (pause) And a breakfast burrito, but that's it! Just you, my playstation 2, and a breakfast burrito. (pause) Oh, and my autographed Goldberg wrestling poster, but that's it!
~~~~~~~~~~~
(At the lifeguard stand)
Riley: Some people get birds and squirrels at their windowsill. I get Larry Slotnick. Sometimes I come to this old lifeguard station to think. I started coming down here after mom and dad seperated. I mean, it's quiet, private, and completey Larry-free. (pause) At least, so far. I think it's a chemical thing with Larry. I read somewhere that everyone has their own scent that attracts only certain other people. The way bees are attracted to flowers, Jennifer smells great to Brad, and apparently, I have to spend my whole life on the downwind of Larry Slotnick. Meanwhile, mom was having her own weird boy problems.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(In the living room)
Manuelo: I've been standing in this dress now for two hours, and I'm starving. (takes an apple out of the breast and takes a bite)
Macy: Manuelo, help me out here now, okay? This is the first dress that I've designed on my own since Jake quit the business. And the model is over 3 hours late. Now will you please put the apple back?
(Manuelo puts the apple back)
Thank you. Now suck it in, okay?
Manuelo: I'm sucking it in where it does not suck. . . and that thong underwear you just put on me, I think it just came in to stay for a long time.
Macy: I'm sorry. I just have to see how the dress lays with the proper undergarments.
Manuelo: You know, I've never worn a thong underwear before, and you know something . . . I don't hate it.
Macy: Okay. (laughing) Well . . It's jus . . . not working!
Manuelo: I know someone who can help. Senor Jake, your seperated husband.
Macy: Manuelo, I am not calling Senor Jake. (doorbell rings) Finally! (walks over and answers the door) Larry . . . so nice to see you at a door opposed to hanging from my daughter's window.
Larry: Oh, um, by the way . . . here's your rainspout. (hands it over) Anyway, I'm here to apologize for the whole hanging from the window thing. I guess I lost it. I lost it over Riley again. I always lose it over Riley. It's just, she always smells like vanilla, and I remember the first time I saw her in 4th grade, I knew I wanted to have her baby. (pause) Oh, strike that!
Manuelo: Hey, can I project a light in you, Larry? You have to lighten up, dude.
(Larry walks over)
They like to have their space.
Larry: You think? (looks over Manuelo) And I'm going to take advice from a guy in a dress?
(Teddy walks in)
Macy: Oh Tedi, you made it.
Tedi: Oh yeah. Sorry I'm so late. My flight was delayed, my baggage was lost, my limo didn't have cable. I've been in beautiful-person hell.
Manuelo: Tell me about it.
Larry: (staring Tedi down) Supermodel Tedi?
Tedi: Yeah.
Larry: Swimsuit Victoria Secret Edition Tedi?
Tedi: I'm up here.
Larry: (looking at her lower region) I'll be with you in one second.
(Tedi raises his chin up)
I feel like I know you.
Tedi: And I feel like I don't wanna know why.
Macy: Larry, go home.
Larry: Don't tell Riley about us. (Larry leaves, as Macy pats him on the back)
Tedi: (whispers) Okay. Now I need some water.
(looks at Manuelo) And that dress needs me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(In the kitchen)
Riley: Are we still on Larry alert?
(Chloe walks over)
Chloe: I think we can stand down. (sits) Ya know, mom's a wreck out there. This is the first dress she's designed since they've been seperated. And there's nothing like some mint chocolate chip. (takes a big spoonful) Brain Freeze! (holds her nose) I think I'm blind. They oughta put a warning on this stuff.
Manuelo: (walks in) That supermodel's giving me a lot of attitude, man. Now she wants "bottled water". Everybody is a diva. (fills it up in the sink, and puts a finger to his lips to silence the girls as he leaves)
(Chloe and Riley laugh)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Back in the living room)
Tedi: Is that the dress I'm wearing to the Billboard music awards?
Macy: Yes, what do you think?
Tedi: I like it.
Macy: Great.
Tedi: I also liked it last year when Madonna wore one like it to the Golden Globes. You've got some serious sewing to do, sister.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(At the Trayler)
Chloe: (walks in) Wow, Dad.
Jake: So, not bad, huh? I've been doing a lot of straightening up since you and Riley were here last . . . So, do you just love what I've done with it?
Chloe: Yeah! (pause) What have you done with it?
Jake: Here. Let me show you around. That's the kitchen/breakfast-nook. That's the den . . . (laughs as he holds a game up) Gameroom. And that's the dining room/living room.
Chloe: Oh, don't tell me. (picks up a weight) The Gym?
Jake: Yeah, I don't get over there as much as I'd like.
Chloe: Yeah, the commute alone. (sits on the sofa)
Jake: Hey, honey . . . I know what may be going on between you and your mom may seem a little confusing. I just want my life to be a little simpler. Hey, I got you a little present.
Chloe: Dad, the reason me and Riley come are because we love you. And we both like our one-on-one time with you. You don't have to bribe us with presents.
Jake: You know, you're right. And I respect that.
Chloe: But since you went to all that trouble, there's no point in letting that present go to waste.
Jake: Hey, you're right. Better wait there. (He walks out, and brings back a little puppy)
Chloe: (gasps) He's so cute!
Jake: She . . . She.
Chloe: Oh, ew! And she kisses like Aunt Violet at Christmas.
Jake: After the eggnog.
Chloe: Yeah, what's her name?
Jake: Macy, after your mom. She's part pit-bull.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Out on the porch of the trayler)
(Travis Morgan walks by)
Chloe: There's Travis Morgan. The guy I can't get to notice me. He's been working out here on his off-road scooter for hours. (he comes by again, and Chloe strikes a pose) He must not have seen me. (A few minutes later) Here he comes again. (He doesn't notice her) Okay, don't say it. (gets up on the porch rail and waits for him to come by again. As he walks by, she falls) Whoa!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Back in the Trayler)
Chloe: Come on. Come on. Over here. Come on. Great. I can't even get a dog's attention.
Jake: Hey, honey. I picked up a book from Amazon dot com called "The beginner's guide to dog-training". It's over here in the library. (grabs the book and hands it to Chloe)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Back out on the porch)
Chloe: Alright, confidence. Establish eye-contact by getting him to blink first. (eyes the dog until she blinks) Tone. Use clear, direct, and simple commands. Okay, here we go. Stay.
(Travis is walking by, and he stops)
Sit.
(Travis sits)
Speak. (The dog barks)
Travis: Hi.
Chloe: (smiling) Thank you Amazon Dot com.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(In the Mother's living room)
Riley: (walks in the front door) Hey, what are you guys watching?
Macy: Oh, we're just running last year's Golden Globes. I want to make sure I didn't copy Madonna's dress.
Tedi: Oh, look! There's Madonna.
Macy: Oh, okay. Look you guys. It didn't look exactly . . . like my dress. Does it?
Manuelo: Bing! Oh, is that timer? My buns are in the oven. (walks towards the kitchen) And yours are on a sling.
Riley: (walks over to her mother) No mom, you see, that dress, it's . . . so much . . . and then yours, it's so much . . . more, and the color . . .
Macy: (laughs as she hugs Riley) Oh, sweetie. You know what? It's actually identical. Tedi was right. Now how am I going to design another dress by tomorrow night? Maybe I could drop the neckline.
Tedi: You can drop the neckline down to Compton. (whining) I don't wanna go to the Billboard Music Awards seeing Lenny Kravitz, while wearing Madonna's hand-me-downs.
Macy: (looking at Riley) Don't even think about calling your father.
(Riley groans)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(On Riley's bed)
Riley: Don't you just hate that? They always know what you're thinking. Well, I've got news for her if she thinks she can read Riley Carlson like a book. (dials phone #) Hey, Dad.
(Cut to Jake)
Jake: Help Mom? I don't know. I'm kinda busy. (watching a little gizmo)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Back at the house)
Tedi: (walks in the living room) How's it coming?
Macy & Manuelo: Ssshhh!!!
Tedi: What's he doing?
Macy: He's listening to the fabric. It speaks to him. (Tedi rolls her eyes)
Jake: (sighs) This is not a dress. It's a pantsuit. Manuelo?
Manuelo: (Manuelo takes the fabric over to the others) Talk amongst yourselves.
Macy: (sighs as she picks up a piece of fabric) Excuse me? Can I borrow Jake for a minute?
Jake: Hey, I wasn't done listening to that.
Macy: Listen, I know how you have your creative process, and I respect that.
Jake: Thank you, Macy.
Macy: Well, you know how that when we were together, it used to drive me really crazy?
Jake: Yeah.
Macy: (louder) Well, it still does.
Jake: I can speed things up.
Macy: Great!
Jake: If you want something from the Marje Simpson collection. I'm oughta here.
Macy: Wait, you're just leaving?
Jake: It's after midnight.
Macy: That's just you. Walking out when I need you most.
Jake: Oh, come on Macy. I paid my dues. I've done this for twenty years. The deadlines, the all-nighters, the fall collection, the spring unveiling, the super-absorbed airhead models.
(Tedi looks crushed)
No offense. Macy: Fine, leave!
Jake: Fine! (walks out the door, opens the door and clears his throat) What time tomorrow?
Macy: 8:00 o' clock sharp.
(He leaves for good)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Sitting at the table in the kitchen)
Riley: Come on, Chloe. How can you compare boys to dogs?
Chloe: Think about it. They follow you around, they both growl when you take their food away, and they scratch themselves in front of company.
Riley: I"m not buying it, Chloe. Boys are human beings.
Chloe: Really? (pause) Larry!!!
Larry: (pops his head through the doggie door) You rang!
Riley: Quick! Give me the book!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(In the cafeteria, Chloe is sitting at the table watching Travis. She smiles at him with chocolate in her teeth. He's snickering.)
Riley: (walks in and sits down) How's it going?
Chloe: I think he finally noticed me.
Riley: I'm not surprised. You look like the front row of a Willie Nelson concert. (Hands her compact to Chloe)
Chloe: (looks at herself) Do me a favor. Put me out of my misery. (starts pulling it out of her teeth)
Riley: Cheer up. This book you gave me really works. Sharp, crisp commands. Don't lose eye contact. Stare him down.
Chloe: You're right! (stands up) I'll show him who his master is. (walks over to him with the book, while staring him down. Follows him into the bathroom. Boys are yelling. They throw Chloe back out as the principal walks by)
Principal: Miss. Carlson, What do you think we go to my office and talk?
(Chloe rolls her eyes as she walks with the principal) (Travis comes out, picks up the book and reads)
Travis: Beginners guide to dog training. Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact. (thinks about this, then he sighs)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(At Chloe's locker)
Travis: Hey, Chloe! Dropped your book.
Chloe: Travis, about that. I can explain.
Travis: No, don't worry about it.
Chloe: Really? I thought you'd be mad.
Travis: No! I admire it. You're just trying to see if the behaivor modifications of innocent canines can be altered with the behaivor of higher mammels.
Chloe: (laughing) Yeah, right. . . What you said.
Travis: Okay, see ya.
Chloe: Hey, Travis, um, I put my homework in this book. You didn't happen to see it, did you?
Travis: See it. I ate it. (clicks tongue) Rrrfff! (walks away)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(In the living room, Macy, Manuelo, and Jake are watching the tv)
Announcer: Live from the Billboard Music Awards.
Jake: Oh, here comes Lenny Kravitz. There's Tedi! That's the dress!
Macy: (excitedly) Look at her! There's a million dollars of publicity right there!
Manuelo: Okay, you guys. I am going to go upstairs to my room . . .
Macy: Manuelo, aren't you forgetting something?
Manuelo: (walks over and grabs their platter) Thank you.
(Jake and Macy laugh)
(Manuelo starts walking upstairs) Do me a favor. Call me when the big Thong Song comes on. I have a new appreciation for it. (continues upstairs)
Jake: Well, ya know, It's getting late. I should get going.
Macy: You havn't even finished your champaigne. (holds out her glass)
Jake: (holds out his) To old times.
(Chloe and Riley walk in)
Chloe: Hi, guys.
Macy: Hello.
Chloe: Wow, I'm surprised you're still here. . . And drinking champaigne with mom.
Macy: Oh, we're just celebrating the awards show and the dress.
Jake: And with your mom, it sure did bring back a lot of memories.
(Chloe sits with her dad, Riley sits with her mom)
Riley: Like what?
Chloe: Yeah, like what? Come on, Dad.
Jake: Well, uh, remember Milan, uh, 15 years ago?
Chloe: Oh, Italy. It's getting good.
Jake: It was our first international music awards.
Macy: And with our luck, on the flight, they lost the dress.
Jake: So we're going all over the city looking for fabric, and we have no money for a hotel room. So we sleep in the back of a Viat.
Riley: When was that again?
Jake: It was the fall show, right? In 1985, right after we got married.
Riley: Wait a minute. We were born in the spring of 1986. You know what that means . . . (in italian) Chloe, we're italian.
Chloe: I guess Mom made Dad an offer he couldn't refuse.
Jake: Alright, good night girls.
Riley: Arrivaderci! (they head out with their arms around each other)
Chloe: Hey Pachano! What do you say we order a pizza?
Riley: With hot peppers and pepporonis!
(They walk out of the room)
~~~~~~~~~~~
(Riley in her room on the phone)
Riley: Hey Larry. I just really wanted to apologize. No one deserves to be treated like a dog. Not even you. Anyway, we're getting rid of the book. (puts it in the trash and sits on her bed) Oh, and I'm so sorry we didn't buy you a flea-and-tick collar before we dragged you to the park. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, will you forgive me?
Larry: (with a lampshade over his neck) Yeah, hey, uh Riley . . . you're gonna have to speak up cause I'm having some trouble hearing you. (he starts scratching himself on the face)
The End
