Alone on Spring Break?A friend of mine recently theorized that being alone on Spring Break is worse than being alone in Kosovo on Christmas. I find it more like working the desk at the rector's hall while the Hebrews are all whooping it up for Passover, but either way, it's no fun... HOWEVER, I wouldn't be Juan Hotan if I couldn't offer ways to cope with, and perhaps even remedy, situations like these.
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Cassandra and I spent our Spring Break riding this great bike across a beach in Cancun. I managed to attach Cassie to the front of my bike, where she extended her legs forward. Through some miracle of gravity, I was able to balance the bike while cycling through wet sand. What a gas! Anyway, not all folks are as lucky as Ms. O'Neill and I. Some have spent Spring Break all alone, and in Baltimore too. |
Location Matters
Baltimore, pictured at right, is where this single guy I know spent his spring break alone. The landscape was rather disheartening, and he spent much of his time watching dolphins mimic the majesty of human beings at the National Aquarium. It's true, Baltimore offers little to the lost soul other than Crabcakes and Crack Rock. However, there is always a means by which the lonely heart may achieve a happier spring break. Location seems to be a major factor, but perhaps we can work around it... |
A Brief History of Spring Break
Important scientists and psychologists and sexologists and chatty young women all concur: women have their first sexual awakenings in a bikini on top of a horse, and more often than not this happens at Spring Time. If women don't get a chance to do this, they're liable to get ants in their pants and develop the dreaded non-social strain of alcoholism. This is why women flock to beaches every spring. Men obviously follow along in order to help the women off their horses and into their $50 hotel rooms. |
