There is a new religion in the works, focusing on a few basic guidelines. It's what you might call a nonotheistic religion---a religion without a God. Similar to the "Church of Christ without Christ" propagated by a homicidal and deranged modern-day saint in a short story by Flannery O'Conner. Similar, and yet, one would not find homicide necessary in this, our Temple of the Latest People. In fact, homicide is one of the few things we actively discourage.
LET US EXTOLL THE VIRTUES OF CUSSING:
According to the Temple of the Latest People, there is a Little Lord inside of all of us. Religious zealotry runs amok when this little Lord perishes for lack of nourishment. In order to keep our Little Lords going, we need to extract power from the Greater, more Oppressive Lord established by the numerous Tyrannical Religions of the past. This Lord God goes by many names: Jesus Christ, G-d, Allah, Buddha, Aslan. Six is one-half dozen of the other, if you ask us, but that Little Lord inside of you is something that's unique and fragile. According to Fred Rogers, there is no one else like you in the entire world. Now, why would you want to go and spoil that by being consumed by someone or something else? Let your little Lord shine. You can do this easily by cursing. When you use the Lord's name in vein, or say something he wouldn't approve of, like "ShitFuck!", you're defiantly extracting power from his bloated, heavenly mass, and making a discreet contribution to the health of the spirit inside of yourself.
THE "MISTER ANNA NICOLE SMITH" PHENOMENON
Everyone knows who Anna Nicole Smith is: she is a plus-size model/actress with enormous breasts. She is a little insane, and has recently become the widow of a ludicrously wealthy man, whom she married when she was 26 and he in his late eighties. She may be a gold-digger, but she is also totally famous, and was famous before marrying this disgustingly wealthy rich person. In fact, her main fault is pursuing money over fame, thus diminishing her fame, and putting what money she did have in jeopardy. Her grip on money from the estate of her late husband is tenuous at best. In fact, she has virtually no money from his will (he ended up not leaving her anything), but did manage to get a couple of million through some obscure legal procedure. Now she probably won't get many acting or modeling jobs, and boys think she's gross and skanky.
The point is this: I know a lot about Anna Nicole Smith and NOTHING about this rich guy. I can't remember his name. He was from Texas, and he was old, and rich. Basically, he was an accessory to the tumultous life of celebrity Anna Nicole Smith, thus making him, in the pro-fame, anti-fortune, view of The Temple of the Latest Person, Mr. Anna Nicole Smith. This new name is our reversal of what was once the practice of the affluent. In short, the assignation of men's names to women, preceded by the Title "Mrs.", as in Mrs. Franklin Delano Roosevelt. We here at the Temple of the Latest Person know that that's fucking bullshit, man, 'cause Eleanor Roosevelt was a big fucking deal, and she was famous, too.
The story of Ms. Smith is infamous and strange, but we don't know what the hell is up with that dead guy, except that now he's dead, and lead a boring life until he was old. Once old, he got really weird and married a famous soft porn star. Not much to work with there. However, from said soft-porn star we can glean all kinds of messages, morals, rags-to-riches-to-infamy tales. These fables are constantly played out on E! True Hollywood Stories episodes, which act as supplemental gospels for our temple. Whether one is famous for doing good, or doing bad, or just hanging around with other famous people, that famous person has infinitely more influence than someone who is obscure and merely wealthy. I don't want to belabor the point because it is one of our Temple's least interesting truths, but suffice it to say that fame is better than fortune, and Scientology is a Bastardized Confusion of the Two Concepts.
