The only reason your friends came out to see you
Is because they like you
Which may not last
For long.
You are in a local band.
Your workmates avoid eye contact
When you're listed in the papers
With a gig.
You are a local band.
You've heard someone likes you,
In Lincoln, Nebraska,
Though.
You are a local band.
Your parents think you are too loud.
And the soundman has not yet realized you're on stage
- It's your third song.
You are a local band.
The $20 you just made
Can be saved
To help pay
For part
Of your next practice.
You are a local band.
Members of the opposite sex
Point at you as you walk by
But you're not sure why.
You are a local band.
The CBC played you
And you are no longer doing this for a hobby.
You are in a local band.
You think you are interesting.
Others disagree.
You think you are better than most local bands.
This may be true,
But it doesn't matter
To most of the world.
You are in a local band.
You are waiting for your big break
Which involves
Getting away
From here.
You,
Are a local band.
-Paddy O'Donnell
----------------------------
You are in a big time band.
The only reason your fans came out to see you
Is because they need to be like somebody else.
It's your goatee sprouting on their face
At least for this week.
You are in a humungous band.
Your girlfriend avoids eye contact
While you're walking about in public
- publicist's orders.
You are in a ginormous band.
Your high school friends resent you
and now are only kind to you
when they need to borrow money.
You are in a super-huge band.
Your parents try to act proud
but they're unsure what you've done to deserve a stage
in a sweaty arena football stadium in Lincoln, Nebraska.
You are in a touring band.
The money that your label's label has made
from selling your song to Volkswagen
can be saved
to buy a spot
right next
to the ad for Kittie in Spin.
You are in a radio cliché.
Members of the former Platinum Blonde
pretend they knew your name
while you were in a local band.
You are an arrowhead aimed at a fickle demographic.
Jonovision invited you
to co-host a don't-do-drugs spot;
The royalties paid were spent on pot.
You are the second coming of Haywire.
Cokehead VJs pretend that you are interesting.
You try to disagree.
You think most local bands are better than you.
This may be true,
But it doesn't register
in the Wal-Mart cardboard cut-out world.
You are the cinderblock in someone else's pyramid scheme.
You are waiting for your sails to deflate
Which will involve
hanging out
with the members of the former Platinum Blonde.
You,
are doomed to become yesterday's sound bite.
- Doc Pickles