August 27, 2000
Jealousy. This is a new one. I feel like ive never experienced this before...but how can that be?? im almost 18 and ive never been truly felt jealous? hmm...oh well theres no point sitting here wondering why ive never been jealous before. i should just deal with it. or forget it. nah...i think trying to forget something before its really gone isnt such a good idea. not for me anyways...i dont understand this. i feel inferior. i feel like i have something to worry about...but i know im just being silly. everything will be fine. i think im just one of those people that doesnt like to miss out on anything. i always feel left out. im always reassuring myself that im not a loser..and that just because people make plans without me..doesnt mean anythings wrong with our friendship. so why do i feel almost heartbroken when i am left out. and why does it especially bother me when im being left alone by the one i love the most? well....i guess that questions pretty easy to answer..but i just want someone to say oh ok..we wont exclude you anymore. even if i wasnt on purpose. its not even that i want to be the center of attention...its not like that at all. although i guess i do want to be the center of his attention.
