Chest pains! On 15th January David was rushed to hospital in Florida fearing that he indeed had one of those bursting aliens inside him that was trying to get out. The doctors treating him however diagnosed an acute case of "Toy Guilt" and prescribed a steady stream of "Toy tracks as b-sides to singles" later in the year to help alleviate the problem.
Later in the month he was writing the foreword for "The 100 Greatest Rock 'n' Roll Photographs" :
"What is a rock? Collins dictionary defines it as any aggregate of minerals that makes up part of the Earth's crust. What is a roll? Collins dictionary defines it as a small cake or bread for one person. What is a photograph? Collins dictionary defines it as an image recorded by a camera. And that just about covers it I think."
In Februrary at the Looking Glass Studios in New York, work on the new album continued. Many collaborators such as The Borneo Horns and Pete Townshend walked through the doors by accident only to be cornered by David and having to oblige out of politeness to do something.
There was a sense of deja-vu on 22nd February as the Tibet House Benefit Concert was held. Apparently the curtains from last year didn't go down to well at all, and some sliding blinds were being requested. Bowie appeared again and performed 'I Would Be Your Slave' from his upcoming album and 'Space Oddity'.
In March a press release went out announcing the signing of David Bowie to Columbia records for a multi-album deal through ISO records. The head of Columbia announced "We are certainly glad to have this artist with such an enormous number of top selling records in the last five years", at which a studio executive whispered in his ear prompting the Columbia chief to throw his briefcase on the ground and kick it into the wall.
In any event, the deal was done and Bowie's new album, 'Heathen' was announced as due for release on June 11th.
The 24th of April marked David and Iman's 10th wedding anniversary. They celebrated by eating tin and platinum as the tradition goes for 10th anniversaries. There is an 88% chance that they did it that night.
By the time May had rolled around the track 'Slow Burn' was available as a download from the internet and David was preparing for a whole crapload of small concerts and live appearences. A mini-tour was the order of the day, playing at festivals and appearing with Moby on his Area : Two Tour. The entire tour was tentatively labelled the "You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do" tour.
On May 10th Bowie appeared at the MTV Tribeca Festival performing new songs such as 'Slow Burn' and 'Afraid' as well as some older forbidden songs. Then he needed a nap and some delicious strained peas.
By June the circus was gearing up much as it had done during the release of 'hours...'. On the 3rd David was at the Isle of Wight Festival fully equipped with fun festival frivolity and incontinence pads. The 5th saw the release of his 'Slow Burn' single and the 11th saw him at the Roseland Ballroom again having a ball and a sneaky cigarette in the toilets.
Top of the Pops, Letterman, Late night with Conan were all booked and and done. The only black mark being that David constantly complained about the air conditioning being on too high and the band being way too loud. At one stage he was interuppted by an impromptu commercial break as he went on and on for 10 minutes about the "ridiculous price of bread these days".
Meanwhile, on the 11th June, 'Heathen' had been released. Bowie's first studio album in three years. Co-produced by Tony Visconti it also featured Matt Chamberlain, David Torn, Carlos Alomar, Sterling Campbell, Lisa Germano and Pete Townshend. There were oodles more but to name them all would be tiresome and take hours.
Rolling Stone Magazine - Bowie still has it. I suggest seeing his local GP immediately.
New Musical Express - Haunted, mystified and shocked, this is how I felt when I saw the price of the special edition double cd at my local music store.
The Meltdown 2000 event, held from 12th to 30th June, had this year as their Artistic Director none other then David Bowie. He invited along the Dandy Warhols, Mercury Rev, Stardust Cowboy, Fischerspoon and The The, showing that he was a first rate picker. Some were none too impressed with his picking however, they were quick to blame the picker of the picker which led to speculation on who had picked the picker of the picker.
Then on to a host of European concert dates. From 2nd July to the 19th July Bowie played Manchester and appeared in Paris, Norway, Denmark, Belgium, Germany in concert and on television, Italy and Switzerland. With him were the usual unshakeables Earl Slick on guitar, Gail Ann Dorsey on bass, Mark Plati on rhythm and acoustic guitar, Mike Garson on keyboards and Sterling Campbell on drums. When asked for comment, Mike Garson stated "You gotta do what you gotta do".
'Heathen' was also nominated for a Mercury music award in late July early August. Not that David didn't have kaboodles of awards coming in from magazines, tv stations and music industries. Anyway he lost, so he had kaboodles minus one.
From July 28th to 16th August he went along with Moby and Busta Rhymes on the Area : Two Tour in the USA. A good time was had by David as he enjoyed patting Moby's head and making a slapping sound.
In August he was on Jay Leno and every radio station you can poke a stick at. He was a driven man, of course because he was so stinking rich he could afford a whole limosine for his pet dung beetle.
In September he was getting another award. GQ gave him their 'Outstanding Achievement' award, which is if we think back and remember our early school days, the award they gave the kid who everyone felt sorry for. Bowie swore he would seek revenge.
'Everyone Says Hi', the next single release from 'Heathen' came out on the 16th of September and made it well into the top 20 in the UK. There was much tooting of trumpets and wearing of party hats.
From 22nd September to 2nd October Bowie had concert dates in Berlin, Paris, Bonn, Munich and the Carling Apollo Hammersmith. Some of these concerts went for 11 hours giving some people reason to believe that David had pushed through the age barrier or was getting that last breath of energy before finally expiring from 30 years of hard work. Speaking for myself, I'm getting a headache just from thinking about it.
If that wasn't enough he was back in the US again from October 11th to 23rd performing 5 concerts in New York and more concerts in various other places that are insignificant and not worthy of recording.
Then, after appearing on 2,765 TV shows, performing 659 concerts, being interviewed by the press 87,093 times he disappeared again, like some kind of rock Santa Clause who does his thing every three years.
Right now, December 5th at 8:20 pm he is making a cup of tea. Now he's wandering around the living room. Picking up the television guide. Now he's opening the cookie jar...oop, no, he changed his mind...he's going into..the toilet. Now he's....Oh god no! Oh thats....thats terrible! Thats disgusting!