Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi with his new inhaler and a snack. |
Floor debate was frequently interrupted last week by the gurgling sound of Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi’s new asthma inhaler. The Prime Minister is said have acquired the device from a specialist in Shibuya ward, Tokyo after a private visit to a local herbalist. Koizumi's doctors were quick to verify that he was in good health, and Koizumi himself stressed that this was "feelin’ fine." He described his new treatment as strictly preventative medicine, and called his new device, "pretty sweet."
Hoping to dispel rumors of failing health, Koizumi called a rather unorthodox press conference at a kaiten-sushi restaurant near the Diet headquarters. "I just want to assure everyone that I am, like, totally copecetic. It’s all good," the always-mellow premier promised from behind a tower of empty sushi plates. He did not take many questions, though he did call on one reporter to, "grab me a couple of those sponge cake thingies off the, um, the turny thing."
Many in the ruling and opposition parties have remarked that since the Prime Minister began his treatments, "The Lion" has been quite a bit tamer in the Diet. His only major initiative on the floor was a bill to have ramen delivered to the Diet chambers during sessions.
Koizumi’s treatments come in the wake of two major scandals in the Diet. The first was his dismissal of former Foreign Minister Tanaka, and the second is the alleged misappropriations of public funds by a number of LDP lawmakers and their aides. The Prime Minister admitted that the stress of these events is definitely a factor in opting for these new treatments. "It’s pretty rough, but, like, I gotta stay centered. And I don’t want to get any of those factory chemicals in my system. For me, it’s straight herbal."
Whatever the case, the treatment seems to be working, as Koizumi’s doctors recently declared him fit to travel for a series of international summits. The intense schedule will take him to Jamaica, California, Western Canada, Thailand, and the Netherlands in a bid to promote more "bilateral . . . ness." "That’s good," said Koizumi at a pre-departure press conference. "I need to spread the love out there. Plus I already packed all my Floyd CDs." After some last-minute instructions to his aides to water all the new plants he has added to the Prime Minister’s residence, Koizumi accepted one last salute from the Self Defense Force honor guard. "Far out," he said.
