http://www.angelfire.comzine2/letters/
popyrcork@hotmail.com
When I first met him he was literally freaking out, his heart ached for love, he was desperate and alone. He was also incredibly generous with me: he edited a long story, he sent me a CD, he poured love into me, and he was very open with me. I met the important people in his life. His Christmas present to me was to be his real name and other “details.” I told him no. I was afraid he would intimidate me with his “word” job or later on he would regret telling me. I didn’t want him to sacrifice himself.
I could have never left him then. He needed me as much as a person needs water.
We spent all of the holidays together that year. He kept his promise to stay with me through the rough spots, and he did. We helped each other. Then we parted in January. Our relationship had become too intense for me. After all he did already have a woman living with him. Plus I was trying to work out things with my on-again-off-again bf.
By late April we were back together, fully in one another’s arms. We spent all of May, yes May, my favorite month, the month of his birthday and mine, together.
Later he told me that we were only together then because his gf was busy with family matters. Now when we talk he is much more closed up. We don’t talk like we once did. I have a feeling that he is happier now, happy with his girl, with his life in general. “Can’t complain.”
All of this would be funny if it didn’t hurt so much.
What’s worse is that I realize that I liked how he was in the beginning and I would encourage him to be like that, I would destroy him.
I won’t do it.
