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Pat, my friend who actually believes in astrology, well I guess she should since she makes a living being an astrologer, gave me this:
The Loser Side of Astrolove
Aquarius-He’s interested in you. On date 5 he will realize you are a girl. Spits. CRASH! To end a relationship he will abruptly stop making love to you.
Pisces- the true gutless wonder and he lies but thinks it is truth. Pouts. CRASH! He’ll trick you into breaking up with him.
Aries- He will tell you about everything wrong with you. Is very blunt. CRASH! He’ll chase you only because he will never admit he was ever wrong.
Taurus- He knows what you need and with give it to you even if you don’t want it. Drools. CRASH! He won’t dump you. Tenacity is his only virtue. Dump him.
Gemini- He is very clever and intelligent but he doesn’t want an emotional commitment. Two people, who are you talking to this time? CRASH! He didn’t dump you, he just forgot about you. If you still want him, plan a chance meeting, and start all over again.
Cancer- He’s Mama’s boy, you come second. Farts for fun. CRASH! He’ll leave and come back a million times. He doesn’t like to be alone for very long.
Leo- He’s a brilliant talker. All of his conversations are about his favorite topic…himself. Scratches a lot. CRASH! Did you stop kissing his feet? And how could you leave? Incomprehensible!
Virgo- This tightwad has trouble finishing anything. Bumbler. CRASH! He won’t leave. He will never get around to saying good-bye.
Libra- This man lives at the fork in the road. Can't finish a sentence. CRASH! You forced him to leave you. It’s all your fault!
Scorpio- He will know everything about you, you will know nothing about him. Spies. CRASH! Watch out! He likes revenge and will track you for the next 10 years.
Sagittarius- He jumps into love with every girl. Ditzy. CRASH! Write YOU ARE DUMPED on Post-it notes and place them all over the apartment. It’s the only way he will know you mean it.
Capricorn- Money runs in his veins. He might share, or not. Makes a big deal out of nothing. CRASH! Tell him he already has parents. He doesn’t need you. He’ll understand it.
